Collars, Control and Orgasms

I've worn a collar on and off for the last 6 years.  It's very deniable and looks good, but it really shows when I wear a t-shirt.  People ask about it but no one really gets what it symbolizes.  The one I wear is this one https://wyredslave.com/product/ouroboros-collar-5mm-14-stainless-steel/  Sometimes when I wear it for long periods of time, it seems routine.  Also, Mistress never really comments on it, so I end up with doubts and negative self-talk about wearing the collar.  The result is that I will take it off for long periods of time.  Mistress may notice, but I don't really know as she doesn't mention it.  The other day Mistress told me I needed to be wearing my collar at all times except when bathing.  I keep my body shaved, so being able to remove the collar at will is a nice option.  The problem is it also allows me to remove it when I get insecure.  Since I want to delve deeper into this lifestyle I used the "key" that came with the collar to lock it on.  I then took that key, and taped it into an envelope and sealed it shut.  I gave the envelope to Mistress for her to write on it in her handwriting so that we have a tamper proof way for me to have access to the key if she wishes.  Since it is now locked on, the collar feels different.  The only way it is coming off now is for us to have a discussion.  I like that.

What this also made me realize is that for the last 6 years I have had control over when I wore the collar.  It;s a tiny bit of control, but I hadn't fully relinquished it.  That has made me realize that I tend to do that much more than I realized.  Whether it's wearing feminine items, maintaining my nail polish, doing tasks, following rules, cleaning up my cum with my tongue, I still manage to have some control over the situation.  That makes it hard to truly submit.  So now I will be looking for ways to give up that last bit of control I desperately cling to.  I think a large part of my past disobedience in the past can be tied to me fighting giving up that last tiny bit of control.  I really look forward to giving it up and seeing where that takes us.  As they say, you aren't truly submitting until you are doing things you don't want to do, just to please your Domme.

Lastly, it has been almost a month since I have cum.  The last week has certainly seen my libido increase by leaps and bounds.  Last night while trying to get to sleep I realized that my orgasms are unnecessary.  Sure, I like them, but I have learned to enjoy the lack of them even more.  The chemicals that build up in my system from not cumming.  The constant yearning.  The more deep and dark my fantasies become.  These are all more important to me than having an orgasm.  I think of TV shows and movies where the bad guys give their prisoner or hostage drugs to make them confess or to make them more controllable.  In my case, the drugs are all natural, but they certainly make me easier to control and more agreeable to what Mistress wants.  An orgasm is the only thing that seems to screw that up.  Now while I want to give up a majority of my orgasms, I don't want to give them all up.  You have to know what you are missing to really miss it.  That also doesn't mean I don't want to give up having my cock inside Mistress as much as possible.  In fact I have been reading about ways to train myself to not cum, while giving Mistress as many orgasms as possible, with my cock,  It just involves training myself to slow down and push though the need to cum.  Apparently guys can have an orgasm (or multiple) without ejaculating and the inevitable drop that occurs.  This woman talks about having her husband trained to give her dozens of orgasms with his cock and him not cumming at all for months.  http://flr101.blogspot.com/2016/07/introduction-female-led-relationship-wife-led-marriage-flr-wlm.html

To me that would be the holy grail.

Moving forward again

Over the last couple of days I worked on a BDSM checklist to give to Mistress.  It has been a good 5 years since I have done one and I was interested in how it would come out.  The checklist was very detailed and made me consider many things I wouldn't think of on my own necessarily.  I was especially candid and I surprised myself with how many things I would actually consider doing.  Since doing that checklist my mind has been filled with so many scenarios that my mind is a hot mess.  Last night I had trouble falling asleep and this morning I awoke early and couldn't go back to sleep because I cannot shut off my submissive brain.  My libido is in overdrive.

To add to it, Mistress has started coming up with some rules/protocols for me to follow.  Many I should have already been doing.  I am excited to see what else she comes up with, and a little concerned what else will be added to the list.  That being said, I expect some challenges and to be pushed.  However at the end of the day I want Mistress to really get something out of this dynamic.  One thing I can't get out of my head is a post I read while researching the protocol topic.  The Master made a numbered list of rules for his female slave to follow.  He had her record the list of rules in her voice on her phone.  He would then tie her down for hours at a time while blindfolded and made her listen to the rules repeat over and over until she learned them by heart.  It took a few sessions, but eventually he could pick a number and she would be able to recite the rule word for word.  She had no excuses to not know the rules after that.

There is one thing that appears to be happening that I didn't expect.  Mistress appears to be making my wearing women's clothes at home a permanent situation.  Last month, when I wore women's clothes in the house for an entire week, I thought it was a one time thing.  This requirement has started back up and I don't get the feeling it's going to end any time soon.  Now I don't mind it, but it's definitely one of those "be careful what you wish for" moments.  It certainly hits me somewhere deep in my mind.  If this is the route we are going, I feel unprepared for it.  I need to bulk up my wardrobe, especially for winter.  Much of what I own in women's wear shows too much skin to be warm.  If I am going to do this, I want to do it right.  I need to start a list! Additionally, if I am to be dressing this way around the house for the rest of my life I could afford to purge many of my male items to make room for women's items.  In reality I only need a couple pairs of pajama bottoms for when we have company overnight.  Everything else can go to Goodwill.  Getting rid of most of my casual male clothes, talk about a mind fuck.

I am excited where this is headed.  I am looking forward to being Mistress' well trained slave that does her bidding without question.

  

Life gets in the way

It's been 3 weeks since my last orgasm.  I'd like to say it's due to some wild and kinky long term scene Mistress and I have been playing out.  In reality I have had some health issues come up that have precluded any real kink and has even taken my mind out of the kink space for some time.

Starting today that changes until I have to go back for additional treatment.  I can honestly say that I am feeling better than I have since early August.  The last few days my mind has going back to my happy place.  I have been fantasizing about Femdom related activities and have been slowly catching up on some blogs.  Today I find myself back in feminine wear whenever I am at home and in feminine wear under my male clothes when I go out.

Having a health scare has put some things into perspective.  Mistress and I are working on making our lives a little more simple.  Long term plans are to get out of the rat race and live somewhere cheap and relaxing.  I also hope to live with me more and more as a dedicated servant to my Mistress.  I've realized that this lifestyle suits us and I want to go deeper into my submission.  10 years from now I don't want to look back and wish I was a better slave.  I want to be that slave today and I want Mistress to totally get off on owning me and making me do whatever her heart desires.

As part of going deeper into submission, I have been fantasizing about rituals and routines.  Being dressed in feminine wear is a good start.  It's hard to maintain a tough guy attitude when I am in frilly clothes.  I am back to making Mistress coffee every morning.  I still imagine more D/s type protocols.  I'd rather Mistress find protocols that work for her but I still go back to kneeling and kissing her feet.  I found a quote about a woman's perspective on her slave kissing her feet, "she told me that at first this made her uncomfortable, then she thought it was "sweet," then she came to expect it!"  

To me a protocol is something to always keep my mind thinking submissively.  From kissing feet to opening card doors to kneeling when she snaps her fingers, any "forgetting" is dealt with until it becomes second nature.

Lastly, I'd like to thank Paltego at http://www.femdom-resource.com/ for mentioning this blog on his blog.  I have read his site for many years so getting mentioned was a nice surprise.  It also gave my blog a nice little readership bump.

Femme all day

I haven't worn an item of male clothing since Sunday at around 6pm.  When I fantasize about being dressed in women's clothes, my fantasy is of me in a terribly slutty outfit, with makeup, a wig and me teetering around the house in high heels.  The reality is a little different.  Mistress has given me autonomy to dress how I want, and the only rule is no male clothes at home and I can't wear the same thing twice.  Yesterday I was in my pink workout clothes and then later some black lace boy-shorts, Capri jeans and razor back camisole.  I later added a pink sweater as it was chilly.  I also painted my finger and toenails with a polish that is one shade darker than clear nail polish.

Fantasy vs. Reality

I am dressing a little more low key than I had hoped.  I am blaming it on my orgasm on Sunday.  Also Mistress isn't directing what I wear.  That is forcing me to own what I am wearing and to acknowledge deep down that I enjoy wearing women's clothes.  Now this isn't "forced feminization" as I am not being "forced", but I can certainly call it coerced.  She suggested and I agreed that any deviation would result in cage time for me.  Either way, deep down I like it, as much as I hate to admit it.

Wearing these clothes for so long as well as having to pick out my own outfits is causing me to feel a bit more feminine on the inside.  I love the coziness of what I have been wearing as women's clothes are made with such nicer fabric than male clothes.  Since Mistress has told me that I can't wear the same thing more than once, that will be a challenge later this week as my outfits will become more and more risque' out of necessity.  I am dreading and looking forward to it at the same time.

The best part of all this week;s experiment is that I am becoming less embarrassed about being dressed in front on Mistress in a non-sexual or D/s way.  While I am a very masculine guy, I am also getting comfortable with it, it could feel "normal" to me.  If Mistress really wanted it, I hate to admit, but I can see this being a long term part of our relationship.  When she looks at me dressed this way with a certain evil look in her eyes, it goes deep into my soul.  There is something about her hugging me and kissing me when I am wearing clothes like this. that I feel almost like her girl friend.

Yesterday I had mentioned rules and protocols.  Based on the conversation Mistress and I had the other night during sex, I think she would like to add some protocols.  I have come up with some ideas.

• Making her coffee in the morning.
• Kneeling at her feet when she snaps her fingers
• Kissing Mistress feet or shoes on command (just to make a point)
• Open and close the car door for her at all times
• Filling Mistress glass whenever it runs low

There are hundreds more protocols out there, but I don't want to lead too much.  I do like the concept as a way to keep my mind focused as well as giving her additional opportunities to punish misdeeds.

A great night and a humiliating week.

My 400th Post!

Last night Mistress tied me up for the first time in nearly 4 months and it was awesome.  While I was tied up, Mistress hit me in the balls, and used implements on the insides of my thighs.  She teased and edged me with her hand and the Hitachi and she also put a vibrator in my ass so I was buzzing everywhere.  After a short tease Mistress untied me and told me to take care of her.  I started with my mouth and ordered me to use my fingers.  I then switched to the Hitachi and my fingers.  I was trying to get her to squirt all over so I could lick it up.  I then put my cock inside her and quickly gave her an orgasm.  It was while I was inside her she gave me a set of instructions for the week.  She told me I had to wear something feminine (top or bottom) at all times when I am at home.  I was so horny I doubled down and said, how about I don't get to wear anything masculine while I am at home, I have to be 100% in female attire.  She agreed and added that I was also to wear something feminine under my clothes whenever I left the house and it had to be more than just panties.  I also have to paint my toenails and fingernails with clear polish.  

At this point, she told me to cum, then get dressed and then clean my cum out of her pussy.  I delayed, as it was feeling too good to be inside her.  Then the horny, submissive (and a bit buzzed from drinks we had earlier) guy I am wanted more.  I have been fantasizing about being locked in the cage.  I decided to offer my own torture.  I knew that getting dressed in feminine attire wouldn't be too big of a deal, but eating my cum would be nearly impossible especially with time passing after I came.  I wanted to make it more difficult.  I told her that I would cum inside her, then I would get up and get dressed in my cheerleader costume (since it was football Sunday) and when that was done I would clean my cum of out of her pussy with my tongue.  Failure to do so I asked her to lock me up in the cage.  She said it would be for 2 hours if I failed, and after 2 hours if I didn't have a great attitude I would be spending the night in the cage.  Now before I came, I had planned in my mind to get dressed as a cheerleader and then refuse to eat my cum, therefore I would get locked up in the cage.  In fact, if she took me to the cage without an orgasm I would have happily gone, I was that horny.

What happened was not as I planned.  I came, hard.  I then got up, put on a humiliating cheerleader costume (not really a costume as it's from a cheerleader store) and I went straight back to Mistress and put my face between her legs.  I couldn't imagine spending he next 2 hours in the cage.  I was so turned on by the amount of control Mistress was displaying.  Despite just having cum, I licked Mistress's pussy with passion and used my tongue to scoop out what I could.  Mistress told me I was done and to go feed the dog.  I spent the rest of the night in the cheerleader outfit and with sub-drop I was experiencing, I was more than humiliated.  A really good erotic humiliation.

This morning I got up and put on pink workout shorts, a pink shirt and a pink pullover along with pink socks.  I am working from home today so after my workout I will get shaved and put on something more appropriate for working from home.  

Playing everything back in my mind has been a huge turn on.  I love the helplessness of being tied up and blindfolded.  I love Mistress teasing and denying me and making me confess more and more of the things I would do.  I love/hate when Mistress makes me eat my cum, but I am getting more and more used to it.  I still fantasize and fear being locked in the cage.  The threat of it it real.  I like thinking of the cage as the thing that can make me do more and more things that challenge me.  I am embarrassed yet thrilled at the thought of being dressed up all week.  I am looking forward to being Mistress's humiliated little sissy slut that is willing to do anything she asks.  I am also looking to have more rules and protocols in place.  Things that reinforce my place in our relationship and also gives her opportunities to punish and correct me.  I yearn for ways that allow me to serve Mistress and make her desire to use me more and more.  A true sex slave...

    

In an alternate universe

Back when I met my Mistress I was going through a divorce.  I had no intention of being in any sort of long term relationship any time soon.  For that reason, while I was looking for someone dominant to date, I was more than open to dating someone that identified as a submissive.  When I first met Mistress, she told me she was more submissive, but at the same time wasn't that experienced in D/s other than occasional bedroom play.  Early on, I did get to dominate Mistress, and had a great time doing it, but she found out it really wasn't for her.  Since then, 99% of our time together has been with me submitting to her.  That being said, I occasionally yearn to practice the dominant side of my deviant mind.  Last night I had trouble sleeping and allowed myself to imagine what life would be like if Mistress was actually a submissive or an occasional switch.  Oh, the things I would make her do...

• At times I would pick out her clothes.  I would have her wear short skirts or short shorts and high heels when going to lunch during or grocery shopping.
• Some mornings I would have her set her alarm so she could wake me with her hands or mouth.
• I would make her play with herself in the car while I drove, or have her play with me

• I would make her wear heavier makeup when we go out to a new place.
• I would tie her down and use our fucking machine on her at a really slow pace to drive her crazy.  After an hour or so, I would turn it up and make her come multiple times. 
• When out in public, I would make her go into the bathroom and take her panties off and bring them back to me.
• I would make her send me compromising photos during the day.
• Go to a strip bar and get lap dances while she watches.
• Take her to a Pro-Domme and watch her get dominated.

• Make her find porn to send to me.
• Have her flash me in public.
• Have her wear a skirt to the movie with no panties so I can play with her.
• Make her reach into her panties whenever I ask so I can taste her.
• Have her clean off my cock with her mouth after sex.
• Buy her latex panties with a plug to wear so she gets all squishy

• Make her masturbate for me
• Have her create a profile on a dating site for women using an email address we share
• Put her in predicament bondage positions

• Put her in chastity
• Use cupping cups on her nipples to make them stick out more

In short, I would probably be meaner to her than she is to me.  That could create some interesting tit for tat situations.  That being said, I don;t think I could get Mistress to go for too many of these things.  Oh well, I bet I would...

  

Just a hint gets me going

Last night Mistress was looking at some clothes online.  She showed me a couple pictures that got me going especially this morning.  Less than 20 seconds of her showing me these pics affected me so much.

A pair of high waisted panties and a teddy.  Just showing me the pictures and hinting I could be wearing something like them has me all hot and bothered today.  The idea of Mistress picking out something femme for me to wear humiliates me and turns me on at the same time.  Short of tying me up, that gets me ramped up more than anything.  I love the idea of being Mistress's little sissy slut.

Looking to the future

Thursday night Mistress and I had mind blowing sex.  We talked about me being in the cage as well as Mistress being meaner to me.  Even though I had an orgasm I am back on "10" again.  I've been thinking about my post Insecurity can go both ways

If Mistress had doubts about putting me in the cage, what other doubts might she have?  Is it possible she wants to do things to me she isn't sure about.  Does she want to set rules she is afraid I won't follow.  Does she want to set protocols for me to follow?  Does she want to make me do things more often but isn't sure how I will react?

I have focused so much on my issues that I haven't a lot of thought about her challenges.  That being said, I am more open to being an absolute slave than I have been in years.  Mistress's recent bossiness has got my mind reeling (in a good way).  I am hoping her dominant attitude gets more and more confident so that she can really put me in my place.

While I am a submissive, I have a very creative dominant brain.  If Mistress ever gave me the opportunity to dominate her again, I would have no problem treating her the way I yearn to be treated.  In fact, I'd be worried about how she would treat me after the way I would treat her.

In closing, this post is simply to say that I hope Mistress is having fun, and I hope she can fulfill all of the darker things she has fantasized about making me do.  I know I am up for the challenge.        

Insecurity can go both ways

A quick recap of yesterday.   I worked out in my pink outfit.  Our workout room has lots of mirrors and every time I caught a glimpse of myself in my outfit, I had the perfect amount of humiliation wash over me.  After working out, I came upstairs and had to enter the room Mistress was in.  The erotic shame hit all of my buttons perfectly.  After that I spent another hour dressed but was OK with it.  Like it was normal.  Well played Mistress.

Last night while getting ready for bed, Mistress expressed some reservations about putting me in the cage.  I have been so focused on why I disobey that I hadn't given much thought about the insecurities or other feelings that Mistress may have.  She didn't go deep into her feelings, but I imagine they are similar to mine.  What kind of woman keeps her man in a cage?  How will her slave react in real life if she goes through with it?  If she truly gets as mean as he wants, can he handle it?  Can she really do this?

At some point I will wish I didn't write this, but know it's necessary.  It's been five and a half years since I was put in the cage.  We were a brand new couple.  I was more insecure than I am now about submitting to her.  I was pissy and had an attitude.  It didn't work out.  Could it?  Possibly, but neither of us was equipped to do it at the time.

Fast forward to today.  The cage is set up.  It's inescapable as far as our needs.  She has sentenced me to time in the cage, and I have agreed that it's something we should explore.  I need real world consequences that have a D/s influence.  I need something that truly allows me to reflect, something to knock me down a peg, and something to enforce my place in our world.   Chastity and beatings are part of that, but they take effort and the bondage part rewards me.  While the cage is bondage-y, it's also very mundane.  I can't imagine anything more effective than to crawl out of the cage on my hands and knees at Mistress feet and thank her for the privilege of serving her.

Now for the logistics.  Starting small makes sense. I don't know how many hours Mistress has planned for me, but guess it's in the 8-12 range and counting.  Instead of my first time being overnight, maybe we start with me in the cage in 2-4 hour increments.  Having me use the restroom before hand for shorter duration's and providing a bottle to pee in for longer duration's.  What will I wear?  Naked? Chastity if my hands are free?  Feminine clothes?  Straight jacket?  Blindfold?  Hood? Humbler?

She could make cage time harder.  Have me put a spiked mat in the bottom of the cage.  Restrain me uncomfortable positions.  Plugged.  Use wooden rods to keep me in a position.

We live a busy life, so when is it a good time to lock me up if we don't do it over night?  When Mistress takes naps.  For the first half of our day on weekends.  For a few hours in the evenings.  When Mistress has nail and hair appointments.  It turns out there is a lot of time.  She could also lock me up during the days I work from home, but that would require my having access to my cell phone and a computer.  I have even considered the thought of being caged from 5pm on a Friday to 8am on a Monday.  Let out 3 times a day (while shackled) to use the restroom and stretch.  My meals would be served in the cage.  Talk about a mind fuck. 

Additionally we have a camera that could be put in the room to monitor me so Mistress doesn't have to enter the room I am locked in.  That can add to the isolation but also help her alleviate any guilt feelings.

Lastly I should remain in the cage until I am sufficiently humble.  Being pissy is not an option.  I am certain I will be pissy, but that just means I am working through some stuff in my head.  It means I need to be pushed past my inner doubts into acceptance of my submission.

All of that being said, I am ready and willing to start serving my sentence.  I want Mistress to feel secure in the idea that she can lock me up and I will take it as positively as possible.  I am not looking forward to the cage, but I am looking forward to the loss of control and Mistress being meaner.  I am also looking forward to Mistress being much more secure in taking control.  The cage should help with this.  

  

                

Obeying

I try to work out at least 3 days a week.  We have a good range of workout equipment in our basement, some of which would be great for bondage.  2 days ago Mistress told me she wanted me to wear a specific workout outfit the next time I worked out which is today.  A pink workout shirt, tight women's shorts, and my pink Reebok's.  Being given an order 2 days ago used to make it easy for me to use the excuse of "I forgot" when I didn't particularly want to do a task.  Why don't I want to do this task?  Because I am feeling insecure and humiliated.  Especially because Mistress is going to come downstairs and see me in this outfit.  I will be embarassed, and likely blush a bit.  I will feel like something is wrong with me as a man.  The thing is, that's the best reason to give me the task.  There is something very powerful in the shame I feel being dressed in women's clothes in front of Mistress.  It's exciting. It's an aphrodisiac to me.  I absolutely love it when Mistress gets in my head this way.  I'm getting a hard-on just writing about it.  Despite the mental challenges this is what I desperately want, no matter what Mistress has to do to me to make me obey.     

Now that I have figured out why I disobey, I am having an easier time obeying.  Last night I set out my workout clothes, so I had one less excuse.  This morning I was going to wear a jacket over my pink shirt.  Instead I have chosen to embrace it.  I also am wearing pink socks that were not part of the original order.  

Now this is exciting to me.  Mistress pushing me in small ways and me obeying even though I am feeling mentally challenged by it.  I love the idea of where this can go.  Being Mistress's chastised, feminized, obedient slave whose only purpose is to serve her and sexually please her.  To be used, abused, humiliated and challenged.  To be taken to a place where I will literally do anything she tells me to, just to please her.  I'm a lucky man.    

  

          

Controlling

Mornings are usually when I am at my horniest.  Science says there is a surge of testosterone in the morning.  While I am sure that's true, I also think sleeping in something in something that focuses on my submissive side helps.  So does having ideas running through your mind.  In the hour or so before I got out of bed at 6 this morning, I had tons of thoughts going through my head.  1st, I knew as soon as I got up I would be locking myself in chastity per Mistress's orders.  Then I would replay scenarios in my head.  The one that ruled my morning was different ways of removing control from a submissive.  As a "grown ass man" with free will and such, it's very powerful to take things away from me or to force coerce me to do things other men don't have to do.

Things I currently do.

• Shave my entire body, including my armpits.  The armpit is still a tough one for me especially in the summer.  That being said, I certainly feel owned and feminized by it.
• Wear nighties or other feminine attire every night.  I used to let this slide, but Mistress's threats of caging me have changed that.
• Chastity
• Painted toenails in the winter months.
• Cum Eating occasionally
• Orgasm Denial
• Make appointments for Mistress
• Cage Time
• Strapon
• Mistress knows my location at all times due to GPS tracking

Things I read about online that I am sure are powerful.

• Speech restrictions - sub not allowed to speak unless spoken to.  Sometimes enforced with a gag.  Sometimes used during arguments to establish full control.
• Eye contact restrictions.
• Clothing being chosen.  Having clothes picked out for me to wear (even my day to day male clothes) would definitely show control.  It's so basic to decide what to wear, having that taken away is a huge mind fuck.
• Forced nudity
• Having to ask permission to use bathroom, go anywhere, buy things, is very controlling.
• Having food chosen.  Going out to a restaurant and having my food and drink chosen for me.  Like Mistress ordering me a salad and water while she has a steak and wine.  A good power move.
• Having access to my bank accounts, email, computer etc.
• Being restrained during non-play times i.e shackled during the day.
• Having pictures and videos taken of me in compromising situations
• Scheduled chores
• Sleeping in bondage
• Scent training
• Corner time
• Writing lines

As I write some of those things, I cringe as I know it would suck.  However, at the same time I know it's a great way to establish control as well as test my ability to agree to anything (with consequences for failure to comply).

As I said above, that's how my morning started.  I am now locked in chastity and my mind is a fog on submissive thoughts.  I am a lucky slave.  

Shifting Dynamics

Before I get into the post for the day I want to describe something that Mistress did yesterday that was small, but powerful.  Mistress made a concerted effort to comment on me still wearing my pink boy shorts and camisole under my clothes.  She touched both items and asked me what they were.  I just stammered something about being naughty clothes.  I was mildly humiliated, but for some reason also greatly turned on.  I loved/hated that she brought it out into the open.  I loved that she pushed my buttons.  In fact this morning I am still wearing my items and I have to admit that I was so turned on this morning that I didn't put on any of my male clothes over my outfit until I had fed the dog and did the dishes.  It felt pretty naughty to be doing chores like that.  I imagine having to wear outfits like that without covering up.  I also fantasize of expanding my outfits like these

Things are starting to change.  After lots of discussion, I set up the cage yesterday in our basement. It's a collapsible dog kennel and I used zip ties on it to make sure it's inescapable.  It's big enough to move around in (if not restrained) but not big enough to ever get comfortable.  There is a large padlock on the door and an opening to pass items through without opening the cage.

While I am not looking forward to spending any more than 5 minutes in the cage, I have to admit I am turned on.  Not by being locked in the cage, but by the shift in Mistress's attitude.  She is already using it as a threat when there is something I do that she doesn't like.  She is using it to change my behavior, and I have to admit it's powerful.  My attitude changes quickly when it's brought up.  I haven't spent one minute in the cage and it's already working.

Not me, yet.

Mistress also expressed a changing attitude as far as starting to use me to get her sexual needs met without concerning herself with mine.  It's been quite a while since we have done that.  When I first met her and I was teaching her how male orgasm denial works, she got pretty good at using me for her pleasure and denying me.  Since then it really hasn't happened other than back in December and January when I was locked in chastity for 31 days.  There were at least a couple times where Mistress used me and had multiple orgasms while I went without.  I think she may feel some guilt about it, but there is no need.  I thrive on being treated that way.  In fact I am excited to be going back into chastity as soon as possible and being used to take care of Mistress's needs.

As a result of this changing power dynamic I woke up terribly horny.  While some men might shudder at the thought of losing control, I am excited about it.  That's not to say there won't be some fits and starts, but now we have the tools to handle them.  I am in heaven.

Finally, I may regret sharing these posts, but here are a couple cage ideas I read over the last month or so.  My horny mind is getting the better of me.

Cage story #1 https://dominajen.com/2016/01/13/birthday-figging/     
Cage story #2 http://wedlocked-femdom.com/2014/03/05/cage-time/
Cage story #3 http://wedlocked-femdom.com/2014/08/23/bondage-box/

Moving forward

Mistress responded positively to my last post.  We had sex that night and told me that she did indeed have lots of time to deal with me.  With changes at work she could certainly put me under her thumb as much as she needed/wanted to.  She told me I would be plugging myself for 2 hours on Friday.  Failure to do so would put me in the cage for a long time.  She also reminded me that I owe her some cage time.  She added that during cage time I will be dressed in humiliating ways to add to the effect.  I have the feeling that she will be breaking me of some of my issues.  I'm hoping my post gives her the confidence to embrace her dominant side and give her tools to handle me when I disobey.  I am determined to be an obedient submissive, I just need help at times when I have insecurities and feelings of guilt.  I assured her I would love it if she had more control.  Control over my computer, money, clothing, etc.   I woke up super horny this morning even though I just came a couple days ago.  I believe it's due to the prospect of where this can take us.

Last night Mistress allowed me to skip wearing a nighty but only if I would wear feminine boy shorts and a camisole.  I picked out a pair of pink women's boxer briefs and a pink spaghetti strap camisole.  Waking up in this outfit my cock was straining against the shorts.  I tossed and turned this morning thinking of getting some feminine sleep outfits.  I thought about Mistress putting perfume in my nighty drawer as an added mind fuck.  I also thought about having to sleep in various forms of bondage.  Cuffs, even if not attached to anything, straight jacket, etc.  That's when I came to the realization that if Mistress makes me wear feminine clothes to bed every night that I will spend one third of the rest of my life cross dressed.  The thought of it makes my head spin a bit.  I am so horny that I am still wearing my outfit under my house clothes.

I just wanted to write a quick post about how lucky I feel to have been able to define my issues and move forward with my total submission to my Mistress.

A couple days ago I found this.  Normally a list like this is something I can;t agree with 100% and I would edit something out.  In this case I feel every one of these things.

Understanding Disobedience

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Dreaming about Femme

I don't have dreams much, or I should say I don't remember the dreams I have for the most part.  Last night I had a few.  2 were more nightmare than a dream.  The good dream was of me and my Mistress in a house with several other people, maybe 4-6.  It was morning and I was waking up in my pink, cotton, tight nighty on a  sleeper sofa in the main living area.  Mistress was next to me in bed and I wanted to get up to go pee.  Some people were up, but it was very casual.  She told me that it was ok, I could go and no one would judge me.  She told me that we had been practicing for something like this.  The reason she had me dressed feminine at home all the time now was so that when I was in public I would forget about it.  I got out of the bed and got up.  No one batted an eye.  Playing it back in my mind I realize the other people were all women.  There was nothing more to the dream.  It was pretty simple, but it did make me wake up in such a horny/feminine mood.

While on the topic of the nighty, we recently went on a trip.  We have been on many trips, and I have brought a nighty on many of those.  This trip was different because I wore a nighty every night.  I didn't "forget" to wear one even once.  I attribute this to the training and consistency Mistress has been using as well as the fear of punishment.  All good things in my book.

I do love it when Mistress pushes my feminization buttons.    

Mainstream Pegging

Apparently pegging is more mainstream than I knew.  Of course in the D/s world it;s pretty common, but know it's being discussed in mainstream TV and magazines.

A show on Comedy Central has one episode that involves miscommunication and some pegging.

That show brought it out into the open in a humorous way.  

I was reading a blog yesterday and it mentioned the women's magazine Cosmopolitan had a few articles on it, and sure enough there were.  I did a search and there were 8 total of which 2016 had 6 articles.  The three best are here.

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a58023/what-women-love-most-about-pegging/

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a58329/pegging-guys-who-love-it/

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a33458/sex-talk-realness-what-women-think-about-pegging/

Buzzfeed had an article - https://www.buzzfeed.com/swoozyc/heres-everything-you-need-to-know-about-pegging

How to convince your boyfriend - http://elitedaily.com/dating/get-your-boyfriend-to-agree-to-pegging/1490797/

Another one - http://www.bustle.com/articles/135261-ive-tried-pegging-with-my-male-sex-partners-and-this-is-exactly-what-it-looked-and

The most interesting part is while these articles are not D/s, power exchange is the most talked about reason both men and women seem to like it.  

I have posted in the past about D/s becoming more mainstream, it's also exciting to see strap-on play become more accepted.  Sometimes I feel like I came into this world about 10-15 years too soon for my kinkiness.

Chastity and Periods

Mistress mentioned that she liked the idea of me being locked during her periods as a reminder of what she is going through.  I was looking for some relevant blogs.  This is the most relevant one I could find.

http://flr-reading.tumblr.com/post/144909606913/chastity-and-orgasm-control-the-28-day-cycle  

This woman has it down to a science.  She has his entire month of chastity and orgasms synced with her monthly cycle.  28 days perfectly choreographed.  She goes from giving him 4 days of orgasms (5 a day) to a dead stop (the day she starts her period) to maximize his compliance when she needs it the most.  When her period is over his libido is built back up.  In the premenstrual days he is at his most obedient.  He is only unlocked 4 days a month and whenever she desires sex for the other 24 days.  His peaks coincide with hers.  Kind of hot really.    

That means he is locked 313 days a year (shudder).

A couple articles referenced in the post are linked below.

http://www.dreamloverlabs.com/harnessego.php

https://ladylubyanka.wordpress.com/2008/04/16/prostate-milking/

Ramped up

I'm a little surprised how quickly 24+ hours in chastity has gotten me ramped back up.  Last night I had lots of dreams that I faintly remember as being sexy and with D/s elements, but I don't remember any of them.  I do know that I woke up a few times with my cock straining against my chastity device.  When I got ready for bed last night I stood in front of the mirror in my nighty and with my chastity device sticking out from underneath.  I felt so erotically humiliated.  This morning when I got up, and went to the bathroom I pulled up my nighty and sat down to pee with my pink chastity device squeezing my cock.  Again, so erotically humiliating.  To be a masculine guy at my age with such feminine and submissive tendencies just makes my head spin.  Just writing this makes my head spin.

I ran into a blog yesterday that I have been reading a bit http://wedlocked-femdom.com/    I haven't read much, but the few things I have read are her keeping her man in chastity pretty much 24/7, she frequently chains him to her bed, and he's forced to wear latex shorts as well as a latex maids dress http://wedlocked-femdom.com/2014/03/29/locked-in-a-pvc-maids-dress/

I don't know why the longer I go without cumming the more my brain fills with feminine thoughts.  I understand why I get more extreme fantasies, but the feminine part surprises me.  I would think the more cum I get stored up, the more I would have masculine thoughts.  Either way, my mind is a mess today.  A nice horny, desperate mess.  

In a mood...

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New Opportunities

We have had some recent changes in our world.  This means we will be spending much more time together and will have free time we didn't have before.  The other night Mistress said something to the effect of " since I have less control at work, I plan to take more control of you".  That is one of the hottest things I have ever heard.

My job has gotten to the point of where I work form home much more than I had.  This morning in my horny haziness of trying to wake up I had naughty thoughts of being put in unusual situations during the day.  I read lots of stories of Mistresses that make their slaves stay naked around the house.  Others make their slaves wear a suit while others keep their men in feminine wear or bondage all day.  Some torture their slaves during the day in intervals https://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/  I thought of having to wear clothes I see in ads in gay bondage websites or slutty outfits all day.

Mistress now has more time to watch or read naughty things.  She has the ability to be a task master and make me drop what I am doing to do whatever she wishes.  She can essentially have 24/7 control over me as her job won't interfere like it did before.  Mistress is very creative when she has the time and ability.  When we first met she had a voracious appetite for learning my proclivities and put me in some very unique situations.

I adore my Mistress and want her to be the happiest woman on the planet.  I am very excited to please her in any way I can.  

Chastity

I did some quick math and realized I have spent more time in chastity this year than the last 2 years combined.

2014 - 17 days
2015 - 21.5 days
YTD - 48 days

We still have 4+ months to go.  Eeek!

A Nice Edge

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New Outlook On Chastity

I started experimenting with chastity back in 1999 or 2000.  At the time I started with the CB-2000.

Not Me

This was such a new concept.  The thought of being under control by my then wife was so exciting.  The device was terribly uncomfortable, but I made due.  The biggest issue was that my wife never really got into the chastity thing.  I take that back.  She got into having me lock up and then forgetting about it.  I traveled quite a bit back then and to be on the road, locked up and having your keyholder ignore the situation was awful.  I am willing to trade some discomfort for the excitement, but the excitement wasn't there.  The device eventually broke while sleeping one night.  It was so painful that I still remember it.

I then upgraded to the CB-3000

The device was a mild upgrade, but still not worth the hassle without a keyholder that was not an active participant.  I became resentful.  Not at the concept of chastity, but at how it was implemented.  

Many years later the wife at the time started to get a little bit more into D/s and FLR.  We attended some events, visited a pro-domme a few times and that created an opportunity to try chastity again.  We decided to invest in a custom device.  I got a Price Alber piercing to prevent pulling out from the device.  We did lots of research and spent way too much money on a beautiful custom device.

This device was the best I have owned.  It was heavy but for the most part comfortable.  I still had the issue of my balls being pulled and after a week my scrotum would start to chaffe to to all the readjusting.  It's very secure, especially with the lock that goes through the piercing.  Within a year of getting this device my marriage had ended.  My new partner and now Mistress and keyholder took more interest in chastity, but the same issues came back.  I became resentful about chastity.  

In the last year I had a mindset change and decided that my being chaste was of showing I was invested in D/s.  The mindset helped quite a bit.  At the end of 2015 and into 2015 I went 4 weeks and 1 day in chastity.  It was the easiest chastity experience as Mistress was more involved than normal.  However the device was still more work than it was worth.

Over the last couple years I started seeing devices that didn't need to support itself off the testicles.  I was intrigued.  Men really seemed to like these devices and swore they were more comfortable.  I was skeptical as I have already invested a small fortune in devices.  I came across a plastic device that was 3-D printed.  

It's super lightweight.  In fact the lock on the device weighs as mush as the device itself.  If I use the plastic security tabs it;s only a couple ounces.  Since my sweet spot for an orgasm is right below the glans, I don't need a device that covers my entire cock.  Just the top third is enough to prevent me from trying to stimulate myself.  I can cheat and get an orgasm from a Hitachi, but you can do that with any device.  I really don't like Hitachi orgasms as much as friction based ones anyhow.  

So after 15 years of chastity resentment I have determined it was due to the discomfort of the device.  My current device is comfortable enough that I don't need the constant attention of my keyholder to override the discomfort of the device.  Obviously the more attention, the better, but the device itself creates no resentment for me.  I can ride my bike, run, lift weights, swim, etc and really not have to worry about the device all that much.  I can pee standing up for the most part but I still sit at home which most guys with piercings do anyhow.  I can wear whatever I want.  Feminine clothing is much more comfortable with this device vs other devices.  

All of that being said, I now find chastity enjoyable.  I recently went 2.5 weeks without being locked and kind of missed it.  I wasn't about to ask to be locked up, but was pleasantly surprised when I was told I would be.  All the fantasies I had for years are more believable now.  Having my cock locked and owned by my Mistress.  Giving up the right to touch my cock.  Giving up 100% control of my orgasms.  Being able to prove my fidelity (I'm not the cheating type, but a device certainly proves it).  All of the above with very little discomfort.  It's a match made in heaven for me.  So all of my years of complaining about chastity are over.