Monday, November 10, 2014


My last post mentioned how wearing a chastity belt "marks" me as Mistress' property.  Lately I have been fantasizing a lot about being marked.  The more I think about it the more ways I think someone can be "marked".  There are already several ways I am already marked. Some subtle and some not so subtle.   The number one marking I have is the lack of hair on my body.  When I met Mistress I was shaved, but I at least had armpit hair.  Mistress requires me to shave my pits as well.  Shaving my body has some deniability (biking, body building), but shaved armpits is harder to explain.  I am very aware of it when we are around others and my shirt is off.  One can be marked with clothes.  Things such as panties, bras and nighty's aren't markings of the skin but I feel marked when wearing these items.  Although they can be easily removed, they are still a reminder of my submissiveness and if anyone were to see them, I would certainly be identified as a freak. Another way I am frequently marked is nail polish.  For about 6 months a year, my toenails are painted and sometimes my fingernails as well.  I am very aware and cautious.  When spring comes and my toenails are no longer painted, there is a solid 2-3 months that when I am barefoot or in flip-flops I freak out thinking everyone can see my toenails.  There is also a very visual reminder every time I look down and see my toes.  Polish also can't be removed as easily as clothing.  My collar is also a marking and one several people ask about.  It's deniable but still makes me very aware.

I fantasize about having a tattoo that marks me as being owned by Mistress.  Neither one of us is into tattoo's (as well as the permanence of a tattoo) so that's really not an option.  I do have some henna gel that last 5-7 days, so that is a good option.  I fantasize about Mistress using the gel on me and marking my body with humiliating words and such.  Since the gel doesn't wash away it would be a constant reminder and erotically humiliating.  Magic marker would also work, especially now that they make so many colors.

The last 2 are the markings I fantasize about the most.  One is bruising.  A nice black and blue that turns yellow after a few days.  Not only are the colors a reminder, but so is the pain that comes with the bruising.  There is no washing away the marks, and there is certainly no denying the marks.  Lastly is "cutting".  I have a couple scalpels  that I got at a kink event.  I fantasize about Mistress tying me down and lightly cutting her name or something humiliating into my skin.  Mistress doesn't like blood however so that will likely not happen.  I then think about doing it to myself or hiring a tattoo or piercing artist to do it for me.  The thought of having my submission carved into my skin makes me submissively drunk.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Voluntary Chastity vs. Enforced Chastity

Last might Mistress was teasing my locked up cock and balls before bed.  She indicated that she thought the reason my balls were not very full the other night was because I had an unauthorized orgasm.  I was bummed she thought that.  Here's why.

I have a long history of being a excessive masturbator. From the time I was 11-13 I masturbated as much as possible, even to the point of rubbing myself raw.  This carried into adulthood, into my first marriage, and into my mid-thirties.  At the time I denied it, but masturbation made me not want to be as physically sexual. However as I have gotten older and discovered the benefits of orgasm denial I have learned to be chaste voluntarily.  I got so good at being chaste voluntarily that when my ex-wife first left me, I continued to be chaste even though I was single.  I liked the horniness I felt going out as a newly single man.  I also liked edging myself and fantasizing about my future in D/s.  I like the feelings of orgasm denial so much I frequently beg Miss Bossy Bitch to not let me cum.  So for her to think I came without her and without her permission upset me.  That got me thinking about voluntary chastity vs. enforced chastity.

Voluntary chastity has become easy for me, mainly because I like the desire that builds up like I explain in my balloon theory.  Some of the benefits are comfort and the ability to wear panties and other tight clothes.  It also allows Mistress full access to my cock and balls.  There is also the ability to edge and get myself even more ramped up.  A full night of sleep is also a benefit.  Some of the downsides of voluntary chastity are that I am not 100% focused on my situation.  Accidents can happen when edging (although I report these).

Regarding chastity enforced with a device, here are some good aspects.  Almost 24/7 sexual thoughts.  A feeling of being owned.  Inability to edge unless I used something like the hitachi.  No doubts about knowing I am being faithful.  Some of the bad negative things are comfort.  Sleeplessness, but that sleeplessness does allow extra dirty thoughts to manifest themselves :-).  Lack of access, for Mistress and for my own cleanliness.

While I am completely committed to voluntary chastity, I can think of some instances when enforced chastity makes sense.  If Mistress were to relentlessly tease me as much as possible and not let me cum, at some point I would likely feel the need to be locked up.  It would likely have to be after several hours or days of teasing and denying.  With excessive teasing even the most strong willed submissive would be tempted to relieve the pressure.  Another reason is Mistress' piece of mind.  I have a very open schedule that a less trusting Mistress would have a hard time with.  Now I am very faithful and I don't want to mess up the trust that Mistress has in me, however if locking me up makes her feel more trusting I understand that.  Locking me up to get my libido ramped up or put me in a submissive state of mind are other good reasons.  Even locking me up as a punishment, or just because she wants me locked up makes sense.  It's funny, the only reason that seems to bug me is that she thinks I cum without her permission.

All that being said, Mistress let me out this morning.  While I like the freedom, for some reason I felt sub drop when she gave me the key.  I'm not sure how to explain that.  I know I love my Mistress and I love her even more for putting up with me.


Wednesday, November 5, 2014

One of the hottest things I have ever heard

Laying in bed last night just before turning the lights out, Mistress was lightly teasing my cock and balls.  She mentioned that my balls didn't seem very full since I had supposedly not cum in over a week.  I assured her that I had not cum (even one drop) and that any lack of fullness was due to other life events getting in the way.  She said "put your chastity device on". I wasn't sure I heard her correctly and asked her to repeat what she said.  She did indeed want me to put my chastity device on immediately.  I complied as quickly as I could given my state of semi arousal.  She then took the key and put it in between her breasts.  A couple minutes after the initial shock of what she just had me do, I moved closer to her to tell her how hot it was for her to do what she just did and how I like it when she takes control.  She said something to the effect of, "I plan controlling you a lot more.  Since I can't have any control at work, I'm going to take much more control around here."  DAMN!!!  That is so hot to hear.

Now I recognize the control she wants may not always be up my alley.  I obviously have my large laundry list of kinks and desires, but what I really yearn for is to have control taken from me as much as possible.  There is something so hot to me about not being in control.  To have things taken from me.  To be forced to do things.  To beg.   To not be able to move.  To be humiliated.  Interrogated. Forced to endure pain.  Forced to do D/s related protocols. Being made angry and brought back from that. 

Even being locked in chastity.  I really dislike the device, but I LOVE that Mistress makes me wear it anyway.  I would love to know what runs through her mind when she thinks about me in chastity.

All of that being said, my head is spinning thinking of all the nasty things I want to endure and be forced to do.  My head spins even more thinking of Mistress getting wet and getting off doing bad things to me as well as seeing how far she is willing to take me.  So very hot.

I found this after posting the above paragraphs.  This ties in nicely with what I have written about doing what I am told regardless of how I feel.

Rule Number 1 is don't ever argue with your wife. Always do as told, do it with a smile.
And, don't ever, ever embarrass your wife in front of other people. That last sentence should be in capitals, but men do it every day.  It doesn't matter if it is your wife's friend, her mother, your mother, a sister or whoever; you are there to serve and obey. A lot of men don't get this. Yes, they are submissive, or think they are, but not in front of certain other people. 

The first thing that any man, boyfriend, or husband needs to learn is that You make the rules. There are situations that will test his commitment to femdom. If a wife really wants to become her man's mistress she should be willing to test him in difficult situations. Some men are up to challenges. Many are not. The fantasy of living in a female controlled world is one thing. The reality is often another. A man who has been tested and tried in difficult situations is much more reliable than one who has not. Testing and trying men in difficult situations enforces their commitment to you and to the relationship. 

Men have no idea how much courage it takes for a wife to step out of the role she has been raised for since childhood for. A simple act of talking back can destroy her confidence.


Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Update and thoughts on spankings / beatings

I've been away for a short while due to us having house guests, being super busy and life in general.

During this time there is very little kink or otherwise to report.  Mistress did have me in chastity for a 24 hour period.  It was particularly frustrating because with everything going on it lacked much of an erotic element.  In addition to being in chastity I was having general hard time sleeping.  That in turn made me angry.  I almost woke Mistress up and demanded she let me out. That likely wouldn't have gone over well, and I certainly would have lost any progress I have made in recent months regarding D/s in our relationship.  Eventually I went to sleep and when I woke up in the morning all was fine (in addition to me being aroused).  This is a perfect example of the need for me to suck it up when things aren't exactly as I want them.  I went from being a mad little bitch to eroticising the control I have given her and the control she has taken.  It also feeds into my darker fantasies for me to believe Mistress can and will push me past my comfort level, all the time knowing I will eventually thank her for pushing me.

Over the last couple of months I have been hinting about wanting/needing a good beating (even though I am sure it will suck.  A few times over the week, Mistress has mentioned that maybe I needed a beating to adjust my attitude. That got me thinking about the catharsis that comes with a beating.  So in my quest to find out what makes me tick I did some research.  Here are some things I found interesting.

What is the big attraction of a spanking for stress relief? This question has been hounding me.

When one is stressed out with money problems, job problems or lack of same I suppose after a while the big appeal is the thought of having one's brain completely occupied by something other than the constant worries of the day.

There can sometimes be the temporary relief by the proper administration of a sufficient dose of alcohol... But, that offers others issues too and just doesn't offer the more instant relief that comes from the firm and repeated application of the hand, strap, paddle  or cane to buttocks.

Some of The benefits:
  • You are instantly reminded that someone knows and cares and will take action to remind they are there and will help.
  • For a little while, it's absolutely impossible to think about anything else other than the spanking that is happening.
  • The closeness recharges the relationship and offers a feeling of safety that you're not alone.
  • Instantly changes attitude
  • Reminds for hours or, properly for days

But why? What separates spanking from other forms of discipline? It's not the most painful -- I'd rather take a serious spanking than a mouth soaping any day. It's not even the most embarrassing -- for a lot of us, bare-bottom corner time trumps spanking for embarrassment.

1. Spanking is physical contact with my partner. People generally don't want to hug someone when they're angry with them.  Spanking, however, is a very physically intimate act that doesn't require my partner to put aside his genuine feelings of anger to initiate
2. Spanking is mind-clearing. It's the only discipline that is intense and instant enough to clear my mind of its endless chatter about why I'm right and he's wrong and yadda yadda -- all the stuff that gets in the way of two people working things out in a loving way. 
3. Spanking is sexual. Women in DD relationships, me included, spend a lot of time denying the presence of a sexual component in disciplinary spanking, but don't believe it for a second.
4. Spanking is cathartic. For both parties.
5. Spanking is primal.  Spanking is the equivalent of the lead dog in a pack nipping another dog that's gotten out of line -- like sex, it pushes instinctual buttons and sends signals that resonate with the core of our inner being. And because spanking reaches deeper than our conscious thought or civilized behavior can go, it has the power to evoke profound change in our attitudes and behavior.


I was going to do more research, but want to be productive so I will leave it this.  Like I said the last couple of weeks have been less than "sexy", but I wanted to run with the things Mistress has mentioned.  Note, I found this the next morning after posting this.