Saturday, September 23, 2023

New Take On Chastity

I got my first chastity device for Christmas in 1999.  It was a CB-2000.  What a terrible device it was, but what an opening it was into this world.  A few years later I 'upgraded' to the CB-6000, which was marginally better.  A few years later I was fortunate enough to get a custom device from Steelwerx in Canada.  It's a piece of art and priced like a piece of fine art.  I got a Prince Albert Piercing to make the device more secure.  That was my most comfortable device for the longest time, but looking back it was far too large.  It's not the fault of the designer, it's what chastity devices were back in the 2005-2010 era.  After 20+ years of chastity, most chastity connoisseurs seem to agree that the smaller the device the better.  There is less room for things to adjust and get pinched.  Smaller devices are more secure.  With my piercing, I need a small device to keep my piercing from getting pulled on when bending over and my penis tries to pull back.

As I write this, I am back in chastity and I am wearing my most comfortable device.  It's a Chinese knockoff of the amazing design from Rigid Chastity. It has a hook that keeps my piercing secure so that I can’t pull out the back of the device. I wish it were about a half-inch shorter, but I don't want to go through the hassle and expense of another device.  Other than the common lock it's inescapable. It's been well over a month since I had an orgasm which is the longest I have gone in the last several years.

I am treating chastity differently for the first time in my life.  In the past I made it about me and if I was locked I demanded attentions to it. If Mistress wasn't actively involved in my lock up or in D/s I became resentful.  I am now taking this lockup period as a symbol of my servitude. As penance for my last 13 years of pushy bottom behavior.  In other words I deserve to be locked indefinitely.  Over the last several years I have snuck off into the bathroom to rub one out while Mistress slept or masturbated while in the shower. This is not conducive for a submissive who wants his Mistress to take on a more dominant role.  My orgasms are not mine to have on a whim.  They are up to Mistress to allow me to have them or not.  I am pretty good on the honor system but even then I fail 1%-2% of the time.  I get drunk and horny and wait until Mistress goes to bed so I can cum.  I wake up horny every single morning and occasionally it's too much for me and I will rub one out before Mistress wakes up.  Other times I feel "owed" and will cum in the shower without Mistress knowing.  While I am chaste 98% of the time on the honor system, I need 100% chastity to make sure I don't fail 2% of the time.  This time around I go out of my way to make sure my chastity is not a burden on Mistress.  I don't complain, I don't beg, I don't make it about me, I make it about servitude. In turn, she barely acknowledges my situation which makes it harder and hotter.  Sometimes I think she forgets that I am locked up as she is so nonchalant about it.  In the past, this would have really bothered me, but with the servitude and control I am yearning for.  If I wasn’t locked these past 11 days I would have snuck off at least once and had an unauthorized orgasm. The I would be less horny and start slacking in my duties. Chasity works!

Doing chores, locked up in chastity, Mistress ignoring my situation.  It's amazing how something that would have angered me in the past is now turning me on.  It's true what they say about changing your midset.  

I am learning to enjoy the fact that I am locked up solely for control and not for some kinky fantasy.  It is my intention to make my chastity as easy for Mistress to enforce as possible.  It's my hope that she gets aroused knowing that I am 100% chaste for as long as she chooses.  That being said I would love to cum in her terms. Whether it’s a full on orgasm with her, a ruined orgasm from her or a humiliating show she would make me put on, an occasional orgasm give a little bit of hope to keep me motivated.  I guess a tease, edge and denial would do the same thing. 


Saturday, September 16, 2023

Progress better than expected

I’m a few days shy of 2 weeks in servant mode.  My 1st inclination is to feel that things aren’t going as well as I’d like l, which is true, but I must admit they are going far better than they could be going. In reality Mistress could have rejected my servitude outright. Here’s where we stand now. 

If I wake early enough I weigh myself, put on feminine deodorant and a small spray of perfume. Mistress shouldn’t have to smell my body odor and the scent goes straight to my brain as a submissive trigger.  I immediately do a quick 15 minute workout in whatever nighty I wore to bed to get the blood pumping. After that I set down and type a morning mantra for about 20 minutes. This weeks was “My only purpose is to serve and obey Mistress” 80 times with lines added for mistakes. I then check this blog for comments and then I take a bit of time to find motivation in servitude.

As soon as Mistress arises I start her coffee.  I prepare it the night before in case she gets up before me.  As she enjoys her coffee I make the bed  one day a week I must change the sheets and wash the dirty ones. Sheets used to be one of Mistress’s chores that she has happily placed on me.  I don’t like doing it, but for that reason I love that she is making me do it.  Last week and today I will be cleaning the shower and vanity.

Also in the morning I take the dog for a short walk and then feed him while Mistress is still lounging in her chair with her coffee.  Having her sit while I toil pushes all of my submissive buttons.  A normal guy would be resentful.  I worship this kind of behavior.

A short time later we go on a long walk together with the dog for our morning exercise.  Upon our return Mistress had me prepare her breakfast before I prepare mine. This too is new for us and I like it. While I’m cooking I look over at her on her phone playing games or scrolling Facebook ignoring me completely.  What a rush  

After breakfast I make sure all the dishes are done and then I go take a shower and shave my body.  

The rest of the day is work.  We both work from home so I can wait on her as needed. More often than not, Mistress makes lunch but I clean up. 

In the evenings one or both of us cooks dinner and I do the dishes.  I used to do the dishes when I wanted to but now I do them immediately after we eat to show my desire to keep serving in this capacity.  My fear is that if I wait too long to do a chore, Mistress will just do it herself which defeats the purpose.  My goal is to make me doing chores so much a part of our lives that when I drop the ball Mistress will call me out on it and hold me accountable.  

At bed time I go walk the dog one last time while Mistress gets ready for bed.  I brush my teeth and put on one of my nighties.  Mistress has reinstated the rule that I wear a nighty every night.  I don’t have to per se, but failure to do so indicates to her that my servitude is not sincere.  Sometimes it’s really hard to put on the nighty because the rest of our D/s life isn’t the way I want it.  I want to be told to do it.  This is why this reset is so important.  This is no longer exclusively how I want it.  Mistress’s needs and desires come before mine.

One new twist is that I got a little condescending with Mistress.  She told me to put on my chastity device which I did immediately.  I’ve now been locked since Tuesday and honestly hope to stay locked for a few months at a minimum.  If I wasn’t locked I would have seriously considered sneaking off and masturbating a couple of nights ago as well as this morning.  Being locked in chastity while being in non-sexual servitude mode is a real mind fuck.  Sleeping in chastity and a nighty definitely keeps my male ego in check.

I stared this post saying things aren’t going as well as I had hoped.  That’s true, but only because I tend to try to do too much too fast. I realize this now. We have started with a good foundation. Mistress is doing better than I expected with me doing chores while she lounges. She’s held me to a task a few times but not every time. I’m sure it’s hard to be extra bossy with your spouse when he’s pushed back for 13 years as I have. I have to prove myself. 

That being said I’m going to encourage Mistress to keep adding tasks to my daily routine. To put me to work when she sees me with free time as I spend far too much time on my phone. To slowly take away my freedoms. To punish me as necessary.  To take more control and to truly make me regret what I’ve requested.  I want her to feel empowered and turned on by making me do whatever she wishes. 

I can see a pushy bottom aspect to the previous paragraph which I why it’s purposely vague.  I want to be controlled but I can’t have a say in what that ultimately looks like.

Saturday, September 9, 2023

Motivational Quotes

 The week has started slower than I had hoped.  When I made my last post, Mistress and I were on vacation.  We didn't really have an opportunity to put my devotion to servitude to the test.  Now that we are back, I am slightly embarrassed to just jump in and just start doing things.  Mistress has also cautioned me about moving too quickly so that is in the back of my mind.  As much as I want to do everything, I also need a little bit of a push to tell me it's OK to submit.  I also don't want to be a pushy bottom and want to make sure when I do submit, it doesn't come across this way.  Here is a quote that I was able to share with Mistress as to my mindset.  I'm paraphrasing.

"While it might seem like a small difference, it's a massive difference in the mind of a submissive.  Saying that the chores need to be done vs. 'you' need to do the chores, flips a switch in the submissive mind."

That being said, Mistress hasn't had to touch a dish or clean anything.  So far this week I have stripped the bed and cleaned the sheets and duvet cover.  I make Mistress's coffee every morning (I've been doing this for years).  I make the bed as soon as Mistress awakes and I have done all the dishes as they hit the sink.  Yesterday I spent 2 hours cleaning the bathroom from top to bottom until it shined.  For the most part, Mistress has sat comfortably in her chair reading and surfing the internet while I toil away.  

I imagine it's not necessarily easy for her.  For 13 years I have made it about me.  I have been in servitude mode before, but when she isn't acting or reacting in the way I would like her to I would get frustrated and stop.  This time I have to do it differently.  I have to serve with her in mind, not me.  She has to believe that this is for real and won't stop when it gets tough.  My goal is to do this so long and so well that it becomes her new normal.  Should I try to back off, she will recognize it and enforce this new normal.

Here is another quote that is so true.

"Getting what you want doesn't feel near as good as getting what I decide you deserve"

I have wanted to be treated a certain way for many years.  Does it feel good to get exactly what I want?  Absolutely.  What feels even better is to not get what I want because my Mistress has decided that for me.  Getting what I want makes me greedy.  Getting what Mistress decides, makes me horny.

If you have any motivational quotes or stories, please share them with me, even anonymously.  I'd greatly appreciate your help in pushing me through the tough times.  

Friday, September 1, 2023

Sorry Submissive Requests Reset

I was recently looking to reminisce about the good old days of our female led relationship by looking back through this blog . I read through many of the posts  over the last several years.  I’m appalled by what I read.  It’s terrible. This is not the blog of a submissive. This is a blog of a pushy bottom. A blog about how not to act. A blog of what not to do. A blog of me asking my Mistress to be a kink dispenser. I’m terribly disappointed in how I’ve handled myself over the last 13 years. Actually make that the last 26+ years. I was a more insecure and pushy bottom with my ex-wife. No wonder she left me. 

I finally realize how bad I’ve been and I want to rectify this. Trying to continue down this same path is not the answer. I must force my submissive side to focus on serving my Mistress and stop focusing on my wants, needs and desires. After 26 years it’s crystal clear, that we can no longer accommodate what I want.

Just like a computer or cell phone that doesn’t work the way it should, I need a hard reboot.   A very hard reboot. Here’s what I am asking Mistress to do make us whole again. This post is at her request.  She asked me to write it, so that later when I'm questioning why she is being so controlling, she can remind me that this is all my idea. If you see anything that is me being a pushy bottom in this post, please call me out in the comments.

First and foremost. I am doing this willingly. I can stop it at any time but I recognize that if I do stop it, Mistress will no longer dominate me in any way, shape or form. I’m am going “all in” so that I can experience true submission and not my unrealistic fantasy world. If she is going to dominate me it has to be her way or not at all. This is not a game. 

My goal is to serve Mistress in any way possible. To make her life easier and to free up time for her to do as she pleases. I want to protect her, respect her, obey her, and place her needs before mine.  I will only make decisions that are delegated to me such as coming up with where to eat and what to do. My ideas may be vetoed and I must come up with backup plans. 

Service: It is my duty and I’m excited to pamper her, provide foot massages, pedicures, sexual servitude, and any other “personal service” she allows me the privilege to provide. I will also support her personal health goals. 

I respectfully request Mistress to be in full and complete control of me. I will fully relinquish my beliefs about what is good for me.  Mistress knows what I deserve.  I request her direction to be cruel, firm and unrelenting to make up for decades of my selfish behavior.

I respectfully request Mistress to come up with a set of rules that I promise to live by. I request Mistress to shift any and all the household chores to me. I request that my substantial free time be taken away so that I am not on my phone wasting valuable time that can be used serving Mistress and doing chores.

I would like Mistress to treat me as an unpaid, full time employee of Mistress Inc. I must follow the employee handbook, dress code, rules, code of ethics etc.  Any and all ‘free time’ will be filled with activities that benefit Mistress or others, as she sees fit.  

Regarding chores and tasks. I affirm that chores are not meant to be easy, or comfortable. If Mistress wants something done outside and it’s miserably hot, that should be of no concern. If Mistress chooses to make a chore harder, humiliating in some way, or makes me repeat it, I recognize that it’s meant to increase her dominance and my submission. Some tasks may simply be a test to see if I’ll cave when asked to do something especially challenging.  

Failure to obey and/or failure to exceed expectations will be punished.  I have no say in what the punishment is or what it looks like. I promise to accept punishment without complaint. 

I wish for Mistress to control the following items if she chooses. My spending, the food I can have (type and quantity), alcohol consumption, weight loss program, exercise, clothing, orgasms, chastity, screen time, phone access/privacy, free time, sleep, privacy, speech, etc.

I do not want to be treated fairly. I know it doesn’t make sense to a non-submissive, but being treated cruelly and unfairly is like a powerful drug and I yearn to be addicted to this drug. My ultimate wish is for Mistress to become aroused by making me miserable and making me suffer. The more I suffer the more turned on she gets. 

I also ask to not be forgiven for the last 13 years. How I treated Mistress as a tool for my kinks was disrespectful and does not warrant any forgiveness. I request Mistress remember how she felt all the times I made it about me as she plans our future. 

Bondage, teasing, denial, spankings, toys, chastity, clothing, etc are highly arousing to me and can be easily used to manipulate and control me, however  I recognize these items may do nothing for Mistress.  For this reason, I have no expectation of having any of those kinks indulged. If Mistress chooses to not use any of the above items, I humbly request verbal taunting of my situation to keep me in sub-space. 

I acknowledge that I will come to regret large parts of this new normal.  Regret and despair are what I have earned and deserve for the many years my poor behavior.  I fully accept this as being a necessary part of our dynamic as well as penance for the past.  If I’m only doing what I want, I will fail again. I desire true unrelenting control to have internal submissive peace. Even more than that, I desire Mistress to have her ideal submissive husband. I’m going to do everything I can to make this happen.


Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Early Submissive Thoughts - Very Early

It's quite common for our sexuality and kinks to have some sort of beginning in our youth, long before we know what sex is.  I am no exception.  My earliest memories are from the age around 4-5 when I loved playing cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, and any other childhood games that involved one party having control over the other.  While I would have no problem playing the cop or the robber, I preferred the robber so that handcuffs could be placed on me and I would be taken to jail.  

My friends had older sisters that could easily overpower me, especially when they worked together.  When they did it was intoxicating.  It wasn't sexual, at least I don't think it was.  It was something psychologically powerful to be controlled by these girls.

A large part of kids tying each other up is what happens once you are tied up.  It's human nature to mess with the one you have helpless.  To tease, tickle, or do things to them to get a reaction.

I remember my friend's twin sisters tying me and him up and putting makeup on us against our wishes.  I don't remember if I liked it then but it's one of my kinks now.

As I got older and discovered masturbation I found what pushed my sexual buttons.  One of my strongest memories from when I was around 11 or 12 is quite kinky for such a young age.  I was a late bloomer, so I was one of the smallest kids in my class.  I was shorter than 99% of my class including the girls.  One of the girls in my class was the tallest.  She was blonde, her parents had a large ranch and they had more money than my family.  I imagined she would be having a weekend slumber party with a bunch of girls from my class.  I would be the only boy invited to the party.  As soon as there were no parents around they would surround me and restrain me.  They would put me underneath the outhouse so when any of them had to pee, they would pee on me and laugh about it.  They would make me clean the barn and have turns spanking me.  I have no idea why this was a thing so early on in life.

When I was around 13, I discovered a dirty magazine in my Grandfather's bathroom.  There was one article that I remember, and it's because it's disgusting, but also mesmerizing.  The article involved a switch couple that liked piss play.  They would each pee into a bucket to have supplies for their games.  They would take turns tying each other up with restraints, gags, and blindfolds soaked in their piss so that whichever one was the bottom for that scene was covered in piss.  Again, no idea why this one thing sticks in my mind.  I am not into piss play so it's interesting that I still recall this.

Some other things that spoke to me when I was a kid even though I had no idea what kink was.

Wonder Woman and her Lasso of Truth along with her amazing outfit made me appreciate a strong and powerful woman.

The movie 9-5 where (I was 11) when the boss is tied up and kept hostage by 3 women in his office.  

Any movie or TV show with a woman tied up and gagged.  I wish there had been more men tied up in those shows, but that was the way the world was back then.

Penthouse Forum.  My dad had a couple of Penthouse magazines as did my friend’s dads.  My friends spent all their time looking at the naked women.  I did as well, but focused my attention on the Forum letters, especially with ones that involved some sort of bondage and/or power exchange.

Big hair, lots of makeup, tight clothes, high heels and short skirts were part of the popular culture of my youth. All of those things play a huge part in my fetishes. 

I was into being tied up and tied myself up a lot as a child and young adult.

I lost my virginity to a girl younger than me with a lot more experience than me.  She pretty much took it from me and I was very ok with that  

By the time I hit 18, my sexuality was pretty much set as someone who likes strong females who know what they want, know how to get it, and don't mind controlling men.  

It’s amazing to me how much our youth factors into our sexuality as an adult.

What are your earlier or more vivid memories of your childhood in relation to your sexuality now?

Sunday, August 20, 2023

Thinking The Unthinkable - continued


Gotcha!  Forced Bi is still a hard limit for me.  I love playing with butt plugs and dildos.  I love having my ass penetrated and I love the humiliation of sucking on them. However, the rest of the male body and male attitude does nothing for me (not even my own).  While I am not into guys, I am super impressed with how creative and mean gay Masters can be.  I don’t ever fantasize about it a bisexual encounter, but it’s so common in the Femdom kink world I do consider how quite a few men end up in forced-bi situations.  Due to how I was brought up I believe I would have a hard time dealing with it if it did happen. That being said, I do believe that this is a hard limit that could be exceeded with the right circumstances.  I don't like the term 'forced'.  I prefer the term coerced.  Every one of my limits has been expanded with practice and being coerced to go just a little bit further than my perceived limit.  I don't see why this would be any different with enough time and patience and persistence.

I’m a huge believer in conditioning of the mind especially when it aligns with existing kinks. I don’t see it as a stretch that if Mistress wanted to me see with a man and was set on making it happen, it would, with the right training and conditioning.  Normalizing the concept in my head.

It would start with chastity. The longer I go without cumming the more my defenses get lowered. Mistress would make sure I watched lots BDSM porn that pushes my buttons but instead of Femdom it would be gay BDSM, trans or forced-bi BDSM.  

Mistress would make sure I spent hours almost every day with something in my ass, and have me practice giving head to dildos. Both sweet soft blowjobs to deep-throating without gagging. 

Mistress would often blindfold me and tie me to the bed. She would tease and deny me to keep me ramped up. She would tell me what her plans were for me and tease me about how much she would love it. She would make me repeat her plans for me so many times they become my words. She would force a dildo down my throat while stroking my cock or use the Hitachi on my cock cage. 

Mistress would use her strap-on with me. She would make me kneel and give her head as long as she wanted before making me bend over and making me beg to have her fuck me in the ass.  I could no longer call her Mistress but would have to call her Sir. 

Mistress would also make me post on gay online forums asking for advice and finding a gay Dom to assist in my training. Who better than a gay male Dom to know what to do?

After several months I imagine that my mind would be slowly accepting my fate. During our tease and denial sessions, Mistress would make me tell her stories and my thoughts. She’d make me say things like “I wish I could have a real cock in my mouth Mistress”. “Please Mistress, bring me a real cock” just to be able to have some stimulation.

At some point, I’d be tied to the bed. Mistress would have me teased to a frenzy. I’d be begging for a real cock and Mistress leaves the room. After a while, an attractive, naked man with a slightly above-average cock walks into the room and sits in a chair. I’m in shock. Mistress comes back to the bed. She’s now stroking my cock and asking me if I want a real cock. I look at the man and shake my head “No”, my eyes pleading. She tells me she won’t make me do anything.  I’m going to have to ask for it.  

She keeps me on the edge driving me crazy. I keep begging to cum, but she says I’ll have to ask for his cock before she’ll let me cum. 

I refuse. She then offers, how about I meet you in the middle?  If you’re not ready to suck his cock, how about I let him suck your cock until you cum?  Then he’ll leave. That seems like a fair trade doesn’t it?  

At this point I am so worked up and am relieved I won’t have to suck this guy's cock. I reluctantly agree. The guy gets up and comes over to me. He places his naked body in between my legs and starts expertly stroking my cock. I moan. He alternates between stroking my cock and sucking on it. Mistress sits on one side of the bed by my face and looks into my eyes with a devious smile. I ask her to let me cum. She says it’s not up to her. It’s up to my new gay Master.

He then tells me he’s an expert at edging and can break me. He keeps me on the edge and asks if I want him to stop. I do want him to stop but want to cum even more.  I ask him to please keep stroking me and to let me cum. He maneuvers his body around so that his mouth is over my cock and his cock is over my head a few inches from my mouth. He tells me he will let me cum if I just kiss his cock as brings me to the edge again. At this point, I’m a mess. I’m this far in and it’s just a quick kiss to get an orgasm. I give his cock a quick peck. He says “See, that wasn’t so bad” and he takes my cock in his mouth again. As I feel an orgasm starting he stops. He says “I’ve changed my mind. I want you to reach up and hold my cock in your mouth while I get you off.”  I relent. I lift my head to place his cock in my mouth.  He says, “Good job my little sissy”  I look over and see Mistress smiling, knowing that her training has paid off.

He again starts sucking my cock again. As he brings me to the edge he stops again. He tells me that he will now get me off if I want, but he will time the strokes of his mouth to the strokes of my mouth. If I want him to go faster on my cock I’ll have to go faster on his cock. 

At this point, I’m too far gone. I go to town on his cock. He lowers his hips so that I am taking him deeper into my mouth and I speed up my pace sucking his cock. He speeds up his pace sucking on my cock. I was so close to the edge that I should be cumming by now but I’m not, I’m still riding on the edge. I notice that the faster he goes, the less stimulation he gives me. He’s edging me and not letting me cum!  

I moan in frustration at my predicament. He raises his hips and takes his cock out of my mouth. He says, “Have something to say sissy?” I reply, “Please let me cum.”  He says “Please let me cum, what?”  I say “Please let me cum, Sir”.  He says "Beg for my cock in your mouth and I’ll finish what I started." He starts sucking my cock again keeps pushing me to the edge and stopping each time he senses me getting too close to an orgasm.  

I give up in desperation. “Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!” He tells me to repeat it until he’s convinced I really want it. 

“Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!”

“Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!”

“Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!”

He looks over at Mistress and tells her “I told you I could get him to beg for my cock”. She laughs and tells me “Open your mouth you little slut”. 

As I open my mouth, he lowers his cock into my mouth and presses his hips against my face. His cock goes to the back of my throat. If Mistress hadn’t spent months with my deep throat training I’d be choking right now. Instead, I relax my throat and focus on not choking and the amazing blow job I am getting. My eyes are watering as he puts additional suction on my cock. I feel the orgasm starting to erupt after months of denial. I try to scream out as I can feel my prostate release but my scream is blocked by his cock. As my body shudders and cum starts shooting out of my cock, he pulls his cock out of my mouth.  I gasp for air and scream in ecstasy.  Then I realize he's not stopping.  He's still sucking my dick and I start screaming due to the over-stimulation. Fuck!  Post-orgasm torture. I squirm and beg while he says "I am in control sissy.  Next time you shouldn't fight it so hard".  All I can think at this point is at least he didn’t make me swallow his load.

He finally stops and I catch my breath.  I'm not prepared for what happens next.  The man walks over to Mistress and tells her to kneel.  She drops to the floor and kneels in front of his cock.  He tells her to suck it and make him cum.  I am in shock.  Mistress would never let me talk to her like that.  While she goes to town on his cock he tells me that he is the guy she has been fucking on her dates.  He tells me that occasionally she likes to give up control, but she wants a dominant man and not a submissive sissy pretending to be dominant with her.  

He grabs her hair and forces her head deeper onto his cock.  I'm even more in shock. She seems to be liking this treatment.  His eyes roll back into his head as he starts to cum.  Mistress eagerly sucks every drop from his cock just like he did to me.  He releases his hold on her and as she dries her lips with her hands, she looks at me like the cat that ate the canary.  She says, "I told you I would get you to take a cock without forcing you to do it".  

Monday, August 14, 2023

Spontaneous Orgasm - Ruined

 I have been locked in Chastity since Friday afternoon.  Self Locked.  It's been at least a couple of weeks since I have had an orgasm so I am feeling like I am due.  I have been working on my morning routine to make it less about me and more about service and learning.  I am getting up as soon as I wake up and am not going back to sleep.  I am putting on deodorant and a spray of perfume.  My perfume instantly goes to my brain and takes my submission several degrees deeper. The perfume sticks with me all day as a reminder and I truly think it helps keep my male ego down a few pegs.

I have now added a writing task to my morning.

It's 80 lines that I am committed to typing every morning before I do anything else.  Yesterday when I set it up I had it set to add a line for every mistake.  I was making more mistakes than I was getting correct lines.  As I typed and watched my lines increase.  I felt an arousal but for no reason.  I realized I was cumming.  But how?  My cock hasn't had stimulation for days.  I was not hard. In reality, I wasn't even turned on but I was cumming.  What was happening?  It wasn't a little cum either.  I oozed through the holes in my chastity cage and messed the front of my panties.  How pathetic!

As best as I can figure out, as I watched my task get worse and worse the longer I went, I saw the hopelessness in what I was doing.  I imagined if this was truly a part of my life and not me doing this to myself how fucked I would be.  I would be writing for hours.  I truly felt helpless and being helpless in a Female Led relationship is absolutely what I yearn for.  Somehow it gave me an orgasm.  An orgasm with zero physical stimulation. An orgasm caused just by the “thought” of being given a hopeless task. A messy unfulfilling ruined orgasm that did nothing to take the edge off of my horniness.

Have you ever had an orgasm with literally zero physical stimulation?  If so, please tell me more.  I am fascinated by it.

For those that are commenting.  Thank you!  It makes my heart skip a beat knowing real people are reading about this side of my life.


Sunday, August 13, 2023

Morning Ritual

 I was recently reading a post about a male slave's morning ritual.  In the post, he was required to get up 90 minutes before his Mistress. Once up, he would spend 20 minutes getting ready, 20 minutes deep-throating a dildo (om video), 20 minutes typing his slave mantra and sending it to her, and 20 minutes cleaning her bathroom and making it sparkle.  He would then prepare her tea and breakfast and take it to her.  He would be repeating his mantra (about serving and obeying her) to wake her up.  He would then rub her feet while she ate her breakfast.  If she was in the mood he would be allowed to orally service her and if not he would be forced to stand face to the wall while repeating his mantra while she took care of herself.

I am typically up 1-2 hours before my Mistress.  In the past, I would get up, get fully dressed in a feminine outfit (skirt, blouse, bra, silicone inserts, heels, and a wig), and then I would go prepare Mistress's coffee and take it to her in the bathroom while she got ready for work.  I would then prepare her lunch before sending her off.  The first hour of every day was spent in a fog of feminization and servitude.  I loved it and looking back realize that it started my day on the right foot.

Our lives have changed so I no longer have my full wardrobe, but I would like to start my day with a ritual of some sort.  If you have your own ritual or have some ideas of how I can get my day going without it requiring any effort of my Mistress, please leave a comment.

One of my many morning outfits

Saturday, August 12, 2023

Sissy Service

It was a Tuesday night and we were watching TV like we usually do when Mistress hit the pause button. 

She said “I have a surprise for you this Saturday and you know I can’t keep a surprise to myself, so I’m going to tell you now.  But before I do I want you to go put your chastity device.  Once you know what the surprise is you won’t be able to keep your hands off your little cock.”

I was shocked. It’s been along time since mistress talked to me this way. There was no way I wasn’t going to obey. I went and grabbed my most secure chastity device and put it on. I came back to the sofa and handed mistress the key.

She said, “wow, you’re really a desperate little slut aren’t you?”  I blushed and said “yes, Mistress”.

“This Saturday, we’re going to get up and walk the dog like we normally do. When we get back I’m going to go get ready while you make the dog’s breakfast. You will not be eating breakfast or lunch today. Once I’m ready I’m going to Starbucks for breakfast and to read. At 11 o’clock I have a pedicure and manicure appointment. After that I’m going to lunch and have a couple glasses of wine.  I’ll be gone 4-5 hours.”

“While I’m gone you will put your prostate massager in your tight ass. You’ll then put on your heavy steel collar. Then I want you to put on one of your bodysuits.  After that, spray 2 sprays of your slutty perfume on your chest, neck and wrists so the scent is penetrating your brain all day.”

“Once you are all prepared in your sissy uniform you will clean the entire house from top to bottom.  I want the floors vacuumed and scrubbed. I want the sinks and toilet so clean you can eat off them. I want the shower glass and all the mirrors spotless.  Every surface in the house better sparks. I don’t want to find one speck of dust.”

“If you do a good job I’ll let you kneel on the floor and use lotion to massage my newly manicured feet while I read. If you do a poor job you’ll stand nose against the wall holding up a pair of your dirty panties with your nose for an hour and then you’ll correct your mistakes while I supervise.”

“While I’m gone I want you to think about what you’ve become. So desperate for attention that you’ll do absolutely anything I say just to be my sissy servant while I go out and pamper myself.  This isn’t going to be a one time thing either.  We both know you NEED to be treated this way.  This is a great way for me to have more me time, for your submissive brain to be fed and for us to have a clean home.”  

“Well sissy, tell me what you think”. 

I reply, “Mistress you are absolutely correct. I do need this. The more strict you are with me, the more I am under your spell. I hate to admit it but this, but your cruelty and harshness soothes my soul in a way I can’t describe. I can’t wait for this Saturday to come.  Not because I want to spend the day cleaning, but because I don’t want to do that and you’re making me do it. I want to not only make you proud of my cleaning but my willingness to serve you without question.  My goal is to earn more and more harsh treatment.”

I spend the rest of the week straining in my chastity cage. Sleep is difficult because of all of the thoughts that are running through my head.  Mistress teases me and keeps reminding me of Sissy Saturday. Will mistress actually do this to me? I shudder thinking about the possibilities. It truly is the paradox of the submissive male  

Friday, August 11, 2023

Watch Your Tone!

 I was raised by a father with a quick temper, the belief he was never wrong and a propensity to talk down to people. 

I do my best to avoid these terrible behaviors, but I sometimes end up exhibiting these less than desirable traits. 

As a submissive male there is no place for me to act this way.  I blame my male lizard brain and decades of conditioning. 

I’d like to break the cycle. It’s not conducive to a healthy relationship and find the more I get away with it, the more I do it. 

My Mistress will tell me to “watch your tone”. When she does this I argue that I didn’t have a bad tone (never wrong) and then I talk down to her in a way that is belittling to her feelings.  This isn’t intentional, it’s years and years of acting this way that normalizes it and makes me not realize it’s happening. 

I’d like to change my behavior with the use of corporal punishment. Here’s how it plays out in my head. 

During the normal course of the day Mistress says something to me that cause me to act out in an unacceptable manner. All Mistress has to do is say “tone”. There is no warning. When she says “tone” I am to immediately to into the bedroom, set out the ugly stick. I would then lower my pants and panties to my ankles. I would stuff a pair of my dirty panties deep into my mouth to keep the screams down. I would then lay face down on the bed with my arms crossed under my chest. My body weight would keep me from from using my hands to protect my ass. Mistress would then enter the bedroom, grab the ugly stick and sit on the back of my legs to keep me from kicking. She would then beat my ass quickly and fiercely.  I imagine no less than 10 brutal strokes delivered in 10-15 seconds and as many strokes as it takes to satisfy Mistress that my lesson has been learned.  At this point there would be a small lecture about my behavior, a reminder that this was my idea and a question as to whether she should keep going. 

I’d like to think that after a few especially brutal episodes that I would be able to control my temper better, admit to being incorrect and to watch my tone and attitude.  A bad attitude deserves a bruised ass. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

A story with some reality

Below is a story of which many of the things written occurred and a few of them are completely fabricated.  I hope you like it. 

Mistress left town on a short trip.  She's only going to be gone for about 40 hours.  She flew out first thing in the morning which means we had to get up at 5am.  Mistress got up before me to start getting ready.  When I got up I immediately noticed my micro chastity device on the bathroom counter.

"Put it on," she said.  You're going to be so busy that you won't have time to touch yourself.  I'll be taking the keys with me."

I was in shock.  It's been years since we have had real D/S and even longer since I had been locked up by her.

I struggled to get into my smallest device with my hard-on but managed to stuff it in and hand the keys to Mistress.

We headed off to the airport.  On the way, we had small talk about everything that we had going on in our vanilla lives.  I pulled up to the terminal and Mistress told me she left instructions on the kitchen counter. She said the future of our Female Led Relationship would be determined by how well I followed instructions.  Before getting out of the car she gave me a deep kiss and patted my chastity device through my pants while giving a look that made my cock swell.

I rushed home to see what was in store for me.  After feeding the dog I found the letter left for me.

#1. Spray your perfume on (heavy).  I know your mind gets weak when you wear that slutty stuff.  I want your mind open and ready.

#2. Put on your heavy cable collar.  You're going to be wearing this a lot more.

#3.  Paint your pinky fingernails with my teal polish.  It will be enough to make you aware but not too much to go out.

#4. Put on some naughty women's underwear and one of your feminine tops that is not obvious and take the dog for a walk.  When this is done go to page 2.

I completed all of the tasks.  At first, I was paranoid about the top I had to wear but it was early and passable so it was no big deal.  

Here are the panty and top that I chose to wear.

On page 2, I read the following.

#4. When you get back, make yourself scrambled eggs for breakfast.  Put them on a plate and set the plate on the floor in front of a mirror.  Put on your pink cuffs and attach your hands behind your back and start eating.  Be careful.  If any egg falls on the floor you must lick it off the floor.  I am doing this to let you see how pathetic you are.  A 50+ year old man that will do this shows me just how much you will do to be treated harshly.  

#5.  After breakfast, I want you to snap your balls 6 times with the large rubber bands.  I will be inspecting for bruises when I get back so make it good. I managed to complete this.  It hurt, but not as bad as I had expected.  I was bruising easier than usual.

#6. Using your pink cuffs and handcuffs I want you to hog-tie yourself in a way that you can get out.  Put the key 15 feet away so you have to squirm to the keys.  Be sure your nipples are clamped for this.  I want your nipples raw.   After putting clover clamps on my nipples,I dropped the keys at one end of the room and locked my ankles together with one pair of cuffs.  I laid on my stomach and locked one cuff on one wrist and looped it through my ankles and closed the other cuff on the other wrist.  I was stuck.  I quickly realized that squirming on my belly wasn't going to work so I rolled onto my side and eventually to my back where I kept my butt raised and inched to the cuffs.  I was unlocked in about 5 minutes, but my thighs were stressed from my keeping my back off the tile.

#6.  Get to work.  You can't play all day.  While inside you will wear only women's clothes. Take out the dog as needed and put on male clothes over your feminine attire.  When you come back fronm waking the dog you have to put on something new and feminine.

#7.  At the top of every even hour (8, 10, 12, 2, 4) set a 5-minute timer and put on one nipple clamp.  After the 5 minutes are up, switch the clamp to the other nipple.  Do this until the top of the hour and take an hour off.

#8. After work go to the store for your shopping list and your dinner.  Wear your body stocking under your clothes.  When you get back, feed the dog and start your blog post.  Once you have the blog post updated get into something skimpy and scrub the bathroom top to bottom.  It had better sparkle or I will make you do it all over and will blister your ass. I don't care how long it takes.

#9.  When you are done, strip put some cuckold porn in your AirPods, tie yourself spreadeagle to the bed.  Set a timer and lie there for 2 hours listening to women getting fucked by men that are not their husbands.  Imagine this happening to you!

#10.  Add some perfume to your skin and go to bed.  Have Sweet Chasity Dreams.  I will text you all further instructions tomorrow.

Notes for a deep conversation

I recently told Mistress how much I needed to have her control me.  The conversation was good and I am doing things to make her life easier, but we still aren't hitting on all cylinders.  Below are my notes and things that spoke to me when I had this conversation.  They are here in case Mistress wants to see them.  Many of these notes are copied verbatim from different blogs, mostly Miss Christine.  Her way of dominating is something I strive to experience.

 For the purposes of this blog, a submissive is someone who cannot be truly content both sexually, and as a whole, unless they feel helplessly in the power of another.

IT IS A SEXUALITY; in the same way being a gay male is a sexuality. It is not a choice. A submissive will usually discover he or she is a submissive before they reach puberty. Most often between the ages of 7 and 11.

The submissive mind is at first difficult to understand and seemingly paradoxical. The submissive MUST be coerced to endure things they do not like in order for them to feel truly dominated; validation that they are not in control. If a man consents to everything you do to him, then he is really the one that is in control, and he will feel discontented and ill at ease being the one in control.

I will tell my husband that I will not be dominating him that evening or weekend of vanilla activity and I will be using him for his vanilla company. He will not act submissively and I will enjoy his company.

Even when there is a great deal of vanilla time and vanilla interaction in the relationship overall, BUT, when it is domination/submission time, there is no ambiguity that the dominant is truly in charge, wielding real power, (and enjoying doing so). 

It is important you get to feel what true power is like. That decadent, naughty feeling of being in charge. Almost ironically, the seat of your power comes from one simple fact. Your submissive NEEDS you to be dominant from time to time and he knows that. So you can utilise that in two ways. 

First, if he does not obey, you can say, ‘Obey, or I will not dominate you.’ [He will be in awe of you just for saying that, AND MEANING IT.]

Second, if you want him to do a boring housework chore, and he moans, you can say, ‘Doing chores is part of being my submissive. If you don’t do the chores I tell you to do, there will be no domination of any kind.‘ [He will be in awe of you just for saying that, AND MEANING IT.]

So many women initially say to me, ‘…but I love him so much, I can’t be mean to him.’ Well the fact is, while never being mean to him or dominant, you truly hurt him – every single day. He is a submissive and you could so easily bring him and you, an amazing life of joint contentment, but you not being mean or dominant ever, hurts him every single day. This is an unarguable fact. A truth. You may think you should feel guilty for being mean to him, but the simple truth is, you should feel guilty for not ever being mean to him. 

 I dominate you my way or not at all. Again. This is paramount. I dominate you my way or not at all. This brings me to the bathroom needing a proper clean. I’m going to relax while you go and give the bathroom a proper clean. Come back to me here when its done.‘  He is most likely to look at you as though you are a sex goddess and be in awe of you. He may show nothing, but be feeling these things. He may however try to get out of it because this is real and not fantasy and his male pride becomes an unexpected problem for him. If he procrastinates or objects just keep saying,

‘I dominate you my way or not at all. You give the bathroom a proper clean or I stop dominating you, including in the bedroom.’

Once he is cleaning the bathroom while you relax, you will again be feeling real power. Revel in it. It feels wonderful! He will also be thinking he is the luckiest man in the world.

DO NOT ask if he liked having to clean the bathroom. For him, it is not about liking how you dominate him, it is about whether you made him feel submissive. So do not care if he likes it, but, did it make him feel submissive.  He will confess wholeheartedly this fact.  

Because a submissive needs things to happen to them they don’t really like in order to feel they are truly under the control of another,  when you are seeking feedback, don’t ever ask, ‘Did you like that?’ or, ‘Do you like that?‘ Always ask, with words to the effect of; ‘Does that make you feel submissive?‘, or, ‘Did that make you feel submissive?’ 

It is critical to be able to provide an INTENSELY (brutal) emotional event from time to time. Intensely emotional for both the submissive and the dominant. Now and again, I will push one of my submissives well past what they think they can cope with. A LONG, LONG WAY PAST! The result of this level of cruelty is usually very considerable arousal for me and, once the event is over, the submissive holds me in awe and feels a compelling need to worship me. Perfect symbiosis. And they probably sleep more soundly than ever in submissive contentment.

The problem for sissy when I treat him this way is that, despite the terrible nightmare he endures during the event; when it is all over; he is even more in awe of me. Poor submissives really have no hope of escaping either their suffering or their addiction to their Mistresses do they?

Being waited on hand and foot.

Do not say please when giving the submissive an instruction. Do not say thank you when the instructed action has taken place. You may find this difficult if you already have the subconscious habit of saying please and thank you automatically. If so, practice makes perfect. (You can omit those words 24/7/365 if you wish and not just when you are dominating him.) Some dominants go one step further and have the submissive say thank you when the submissive has carried out an instruction of service. Below is an example exchange.

                ‘Get me a glass of white wine slave.’

                ‘Yes Madame.’ The slave returns and, with both hands, passes the glass of white wine to the Mistress. The Mistress looks expectantly at the slave, who then responds as he has been trained to do.

                ‘Thank you for the opportunity to serve you Mistress.’

                ‘You are a lucky slave aren’t you, now get back to your chores.’

I have also included in this exchange a default rule that I impose on my submissives. If passing me something, they must always do so holding the thing in both hands. This is a very respectful mode of behaviour, (Japanese in origin). Try it.

You can start taking advantage of your submissive’s needs by having them do some housework, or, chores of another kind.

If it is not going too far early on, a plain apron, a frilly one, or even more feminine attire (such a maids outfit) enhances the submissive’s feeling of serving a dominant during undertaking chores. Chores are a huge area of win/win in the dominant female / submissive male symbiotic relationship. Both parties get something out of him doing the chores. In a vanilla relationship, no one wants to do chores and they are a bind. In your new style relationship, you get freed up of any chores you do not want to do and your submissive gets a strong shot of contentment from being made to do them.

You can go a step further by inspecting completed work and having shoddy work done again, possibly with a punishment thrown in. What were mundane, boring chores become an enhancement to your lives! You can also immediately mess up the room and make him do it again.  It’s not about the results, it’s about the control.

A Golden Rule

As I have mentioned, submissives absolutely need to feel they are truly helpless in the power of another. Not a game being played they can be in total control of. This brings us to a golden rule to ensure you achieve this. Go just a tiny bit further than they think they can cope with. Whether nipple pinching or spanking or edging, do not stop until there is a whimper or much better still some genuine begging.

This is a tricky area because you must not go so far, that the discomfort stops them feeling submissive. If you stop the first moment they indicate they want you to, they are in control, so they will not feel helplessly in your power afterwards, so you will not get the worship and awe you want, and he will not get what he needs. Do not stop too soon!

At his initial request I keep him on a strict diet. 24/7 during both non-vanilla and vanilla times. As I said, I discovered a dominant streak I never knew I possessed. But controlling his diet has also brought out some wickedness in me which has him in awe of me. I adore contrast; wine for me, water for him, fish for me, lettuce for him, dessert for me, fruit for him. I don’t starve him, of course. He gets his full share of calories, greens, protein and vitamins. But my job was to get his weight down and to keep it there. Whereas he now makes me feel really good about myself and my appearance, regardless of what I eat, drink or how much exercise I do.

In return I’m critical of him because that’s what HE needs. He is turned on by my control. He needs me to decide things for him. And he needs some of my decisions to be tough. That keeps his submissive soul contented. He’s 12 pounds lighter. He feels great about that too.


What you can expect.

No dishes, no laundry, no vacuuming, no cleaning, anything that you think needs to be done should be assigned to me. Obedience.  No talking back (need to end this once and for all).   

How does a typical day look?

Wake up - no phone allowed.  Work on betterment

As soon as you get up I feed the cat, the dog and prepare your tea.

Phone allowed for a minimum amount of time

Walk dog

Prepare and serve breakfast for you


Prepare my own breakfast

Do dishes


Prepare and serve lunch

Dishes, laundry


Prepare and serve dinner

Dishes, fold and put away any laundry

Chores (clean bathroom, clean fridge, clean Jeep, reorganize cabinets, etc) TV only allowed when Mistress wants my company.  I should be at service at all other times.

Weekends. Bigger projects and chores unless vanilla time.