Sunday, February 18, 2018

Last night

Mistress and I had a very busy and stressful week.  Something happened this week that in the past, I would have been asked to be let out of chastity.  It seems a little silly to be wearing a chastity device when life gets super serious and you have to deal with it.  I didn't ask to be released.  I wanted to prove to myself that I am committed to being in a chastity device 24/7/365.  Staying locked up when things seemed to be too difficult to handle has made me a stronger submissive.  I was able to remove a potential excuse from future discussions.  If I could stay locked up this week, I can stay locked up through almost anything. I am proud of myself for toughing it out.

Last night Mistress unlocked me so that we could have sex.  It's the first time since Jan 18th that Mistress has used me for her pleasure.  It's the first time in a month that Mistress has allowed my her cock to enter her wonderful pussy.  I wasn't as sensitive as I would have guessed, but I was still far too sensitive to be able to give Mistress an orgasm with my her cock.  I had to use my fingers to give her a few nice squirting orgasms in between me edging myself inside of her.  During one of these edges I got a bit too close to the edge of cumming.  I pulled out and Mistress felt a bit of cum squirt on her.  I think it was around a teaspoon and she thinks it was more.  Nonetheless, Mistress had me clean what little bit of cum I had released with my tongue.  The fact that I woke up with painful blue balls this morning tells me that whatever cum leaked out was not enough to give me any satisfaction.  It was not enough to take even a hint of desperation out of me.

As we had sex we chatted.  Mistress told me to not even think about cumming.  Then later she told me she thought it was time to make me cum and lick it all up.  I begged and begged to not be made to cum.  As best as I can tell, Mistress is truly enjoying my lack of orgasms.  I think she likes that I am in such a state of submissiveness that I am begging to not cum vs begging for an orgasm. 

As we continued, I assured Mistress that I appreciate how she has gotten stricter with me.  I applauded her efforts of attempting to be meaner with me.  I told her how much I love being locked up in her presence.  How much I love the erotic humiliation of being dressed feminine in the house.  How badly I crave to be her little sissy bitch to be used however she wishes. In fact, I begged her to be as harsh with me as she can.  I want her to push me so hard, with the sole intent of making me lash out, so she has the perfect reason to punish me even more harshly.  I want to occasionally regret going down this path.  I want to have my fetishes used against me as a real mind fuck.  I want to truly suffer and question myself, but in a way that makes Mistress get off on my suffering. 

Regarding chastity, I know Mistress would rather have easy access to my cock, but we both know that 24/7 chastity is the only way I can fully resist temptation.  If she didn't re-lock me immediately after using me last night, I would be stroking my cock and edging myself as I write this.  I likely would have an accident that I wouldn't admit to.  I would have unintentionally cheated.  I know that chastity is a barrier, but I truly believe that it's a barrier that keeps our dynamic strong.


Monday, February 12, 2018

You Tell Him He Can’t Cum...

Found Online.

You Tell Him He Can’t Cum...

The first time you feel awful.  It hurts you as he begs and tells you how much he needs it.  As he curses and his hand shakes as you make him put his cock away.  As he wheedles and tries to undermine your command and you aren’t so sure anymore this is what he wants, but you shore up and are firm and you tell him how it will be.  

It turns out he loves you for it.  It drives him mad with desire.  Hearing stern rules almost makes him cum on the spot untouched.  Being denied fuels him in a way you can’t quite comprehend, and this first time, as you fight guilt and relief in equal measure, you don’t enjoy the power.

Oh but the next time… the next time you barely breathe in his direction and he’s hard?  You work him up with such little effort to the point where he tells you he needs to cum, asks you to cum, begs to cum… and this time you deny him with a smile.  This time the commands fly off your tongue.  This time, wonderfully evil ideas spin through your mind and sorting through to pluck only one or two. This time occupies far too much of your time.  You are soaked through.  

It is not just a no for now.  It is a no for the afternoon.  It is a no for the evening.  It is a no for the week.  It is a no for the month.  It is a no as you cum and he listens.  It is a no as you send him favorite porn of his.  It is a no as you let him choose what toy you will masturbate with.  It is a no as you give him commands and tasks to complete.  It is a no as you make him bathe you, massage you, and service you.  It is a no as you cum again and again.  A world of denial coming easily, and with each no, his desperation is evident, but he doesn’t fight it.  He’s so grateful.  Drowning in lust and hotness and your attention.  Denied but not forgotten.  Allowed to edge and edge so pleasure builds, but not release.  

He has no time limit.  No count down.  He has no idea when his torment is set to end.  That does not stop him from asking.  From needing.  From begging.  From cursing, but with a smile.  Enjoying the teasing nearly as much, if not more, than he’ll enjoy his release.  That’s okay… you’ll  get to enjoy release enough for both of you, over and over and over.  His pleasure will come from how you creatively deny him.  His pleasure will only come from watching you cum.


Saturday, February 10, 2018

Feminine Switch Is Flipped

Mistress is continuing to push me and I am loving every minute of it.  Here is how the rest of my week went.

After I posted on Wednesday morning that I was dressed feminine and doing the dishes, I had to go to work.  After I got home from work and we were sitting down to dinner Mistress told me that I was to start dressing feminine every day until further notice.  Of course my her cock twitched and a switch was flipped in my brain.  Before we got into bed Mistress went to one of my drawers and picked out a nighty for me to wear.  She was serious about starting my feminization back up.  Hooray!

Thursday morning I got up and got dressed again. I picked out a brown sweater dress with a cowl neck and my same heels before.  I did the dishes as now required of me and when I completed the dishes I asked to be dismissed as I had a busy day at work.  Mistress denied my request.  I didn't expect that.  She told me that I needed to fill out some forms for her.  I tried to push back, but realized that this is what I want and need.  To be of service to her whether I want to do a particular task or not.  I filled out the forms and while I was doing so, my heart warmed to the idea of being of use to Mistress, her slave.  This is what I want. 

Thursday night, I went to bed before Mistress.  I had a decision to make.  Was I going to wear the nighty or not.  It wasn't specified that the nightly ritual of me wearing a nighty was expected or not.  I was conflicted.  If I wore it, was I just 'doing this to myself'?  Was I being a pushy bottom?  Was I following orders?  Will Mistress even notice?  It was harder for me to decide than it should have been.  In the end I did wear it for 2 reasons.  The main reason is that I didn't want to give Mistress an excuse to put me in the cage.  The other reason is I wanted to show Mistress that I am dedicated to her and her desire to feminize me and make me obey.  I want to be pushed harder.

Friday we had company over in the morning so dressing feminine was not an option.  Mistress did a great job of having me make dinner and serve her drinks all night.  She is getting better at being bossier and more selfish, but I am still looking for her to be even more bossy and selfish.  At bedtime I was again conflicted about what to wear to bed.  This is one of the problems of not being dressed regularly.  It's hard to get back to that comfortable spot where I miss being feminized and it becomes a challenge again.  I feel like a lot of hard work was lost, but at the same time the mind-fuck is much stronger when it's difficult for me. As it turns out, Mistress noticed my nighty and had me remedy the situation.  Submission restored.

This morning I wasn't sure what to wear.  Before we had my dressing hiatus, Mistress let me have the weekends off from being dressed.  Now I normally wouldn't admit this, but because it's been over 11 weeks of me being locked in chastity and not cumming, and my perfume is filling my nostrils, I think weekends should have even stricter feminization rules.  At least during the winter when we are more home-bound.  Maybe not skirts and dresses, but certainly casual, but feminine attire such as yoga outfits and such.  There is no reason for me to not have to wear an outfit including a bra and makeup if we are not going out. 

So this morning I decided to wear some mom jeans with a red low cut sweater.  I am also wearing a bra and inserts.  My head is spinning in a feminine and submissive way.  The weight of my inserts reminding me of what a little slut I yearn to be.

One thing I am noticing again is how much being dressed changes my attitude.  It takes my macho/masculine behavior and knocks it down several notches.  I am kinder and more patient when I am wearing  a bra, heels and a skirt.  I can't act superior when I have allowed myself to be put in such a potentially humiliating position.   

In closing, we are just scratching the surface of how far Mistress can push me.  I look forward to her continuing to find ways to use me and to challenge me, both mentally and physically.  I want her to push me, and keep pushing me until I ask for mercy.  I want to live in that space where my submission is not necessarily fun, but it's real.  I want to feel that the control she has over me is unrelenting and cruel.  I want to see Mistress' eyes sadistically light up as I am forced to endure whatever she dishes out.  I want her to smile at my misfortune and to get off on making me suffer. 


Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Surprise Orders

I had no intention of posting today.  That changed last night.  Mistress was teasing her cock and balls locked in my chastity device.  She told me that I was to wear feminine clothes in the morning.  She specified high heels, a skirt and a bra.  The rest was up to me.  Now Mistress rarely makes me wear a bra, so that added requirement was a nice little torture/bonus.  Mistress also told me that I needed to do the dishes first thing in the morning.  I thanked her for giving me tasks to do as her cock grew even harder in its cage.  She warned me that any disobedience would result in me spending several hours locked in the cage while she went to happy hour.  She teased her cock a bit more and then told me to have sweet dreams.  She wrecked me.

As I was waking this morning I was immediately turned on.  Mistress had gotten up before me so I was happy to be locked in chastity. Even on the honor system, I will edge myself if she gets up before me.  When I got out of bed, I sprayed my perfume on before I did anything.  I needed the extra time to have the perfume push my feminine buttons as I find it challenging to be dressed if Mistress is awake before me.  I went into the spare bedroom and put on a bra and panties.  I then inserted my breast forms.  I put on a long sleeve cowl sweater, a black skirt and black Mary Janes with 5" heels.

I considered not getting dressed for a minute and thought about saying I forgot.  I wanted to see if Mistress would go through with the punishment.  Not because I wanted to be punished, but I wanted to test her resolve.  I decided obedience was a better course of action so that maybe I can be rewarded with other tortures. 

I went downstairs and had a nice little bit of erotic humiliation walking into the room that Mistress was in.  I prefer to get up and dressed before her as walking into a room dressed humiliates me more.

I immediately started on the dishes.  There isn't one thing sexy or erotic about doing dishes.  However, being commanded to do dishes while dressed up is very much a turn on to me.  It's about the control she is taking and the control I am giving up.  I made sure to also clean up the counter and the rest of the kitchen a bit.  I wanted to show my appreciation for being giving house work chores.  As I went about cleaning I realized that it had been about 4 months since I was dressed feminine.  I missed it.  I felt like kind of a 50's housewife doing chores, all dressed up and in heels while the husband sat on the couch.  It pushed my buttons.

As I sit here typing this my arousal is off the charts.  Mistress' cock is straining in its cage, my feet are a bit uncomfortable and my breast forms weigh heavy on my chest.  I am in heaven. 

In closing, I want to thank Mistress for making me get dressed and giving me orders.  I want her to feel confident in making me do anything she wants me to do and want her to feel even more confident on ignoring my needs and wants.  I am her slave.   

Monday, February 5, 2018

Orgasm Denial Thoughts

Last night I made a bit of a confession to Mistress.  I confessed that I have been downplaying the level of horniness I am experiencing.  While I have certainly been saying that I am a desperate mess, those words don't necessarily man anything.

The longer I go into my orgasm denial period, I become more and more obsessed with deeper and darker things.  I am almost constantly fantasizing about serving Mistress.  The more I serve her, the more bitchy and demanding she becomes of me.  As we move along, I fantasize about her requiring more and more of me.  I fantasize about her showing less patience with me and making me jump through increasingly difficult hoops just for the sake of making me do it.  She would be waited on hand and foot both in and out of the bedroom without any concern my my needs. She would have unlimited orgasms if I had my way.

I also fantasize about being restrained and confined in multiple ways.  Obviously, I am always to be  collared and locked in chastity.  However the hornier I get, the more I think about being caged, or hanging by my wrists from the ceiling in the basement.  I think about sleeping restrained, or in the strait jacket.  I fantasize being restrained in many of our dungeon devices for long periods of time.  I fantasize about daily beatings or having other pain inflicted on me.

My last overwhelming fantasy is that when Mistress isn't using me and abusing me, I spend the rest of my time at home heavily feminized and humiliated and feminized under my clothes when I leave the house.

To someone observing from the outside, my fantasies would look like I was in an abusive relationship with a brutal and uncaring tyrant.  This is where I can see how being mean to me is hard for Mistress.  The truth is that my submissive heart flutters (and my cock gets harder) at the thought of all of the above.  The appearance of my needs not being met would absolutely fulfill me.  There would be no downside to her being more demanding and cruel as I would communicate if there were any issues for me.  We could find a happy medium.   

As far as downplaying just how horny and desperate I am becoming, there are a few reasons for this.  The first is that I don't want Mistress to feel bad about denying me.  I fear that she will make me cum, with the intent of being nicer to me, when in fact I would prefer the teasing to be cruel and to intensify.  Another reason is that this level of horniness has so many hormones running through my system that I am becoming addicted to them.  I fear an orgasm would remove so many of the hormones that I would go through a sort of a withdrawal.  I tend to be a difficult person for a few days after I am allowed to orgasm.  If I am allowed to cum once a month, that means for 36 days a year, I am difficult to deal with.  Cumming every 60 days that's still 18 days or 2.5 weeks a year of being a shit.  Once every 90 days is still 12 days of difficulty.  I want to be a good slave to Mistress, and denial is a good way to achieve this.  Another reason is that I fear I will have to eat 70+ days of cum.  Just the thought of it makes me wince in disgust, but at the same time, my cock just got hard again.  Lastly, I don't want to cum because I know the first orgasm after a long denial period just ins't that great.  It's the one after the first orgasm that is mind-blowing.  It's like I need 2 to feel the full effect of experiencing an orgasm.

Regardless of when Mistress decides I will orgasm again, I hope that there will be no delay in locking me back up chastity.  I want all of my orgasms to be authorized and observed by Mistress.  I want to keep my goal of an entire year locked up regardless of how often I cum.  I want the fast recharging of my libido that only chastity can provide.  I want to feel the control and despair of having to go back into chastity when my libido has just been drained from me.  I want any physical pleasure that I receive to be because of Mistress.  I want my pleasure to come from pleasuring Mistress, and I don't want my thoughts of cumming to get in the way of taking care of her. 

Please leave a comment on your beliefs on orgasm denial and chastity.  Mistress sees all comments left here.  Thanks!


Sunday, February 4, 2018

Subtle Acts

For my recent trip, Mistress gave me the key to unlock my collar.  It's a stainless steel collar and I was concerned about it setting of the metal detector.  The only time it has been off was long enough for me to go through security on my outbound trip.  I forgot about it on my return trip and got through with no issues.

Yesterday I went to lock it on.  Mistress said something to the effect of that she didn't feel it was necessary for it to be locked.  She's right, it doesn't need to be locked on, but the dynamic is so much stronger when it is locked on.  For example.  If it's not locked on, shaving around my neck is so much easier.  It's a pain to have to shave around it, but that difficulty is a very subtle way to remind me of our my place as Mistress' slave.  Another benefit of having it locked on is that I can't 'forget' to put it back on.  In the past, I have tended to drift away from voluntarily wearing my collar.  I could go weeks without wearing it.  Having it locked on, gets me through my insecure and disobedient bouts.  Mistress will take off my collar any time I ask, but I want to be forced to ask and not have that control to make up my own mind about it.  Locking the collar on only take 2 twists of screw embedded in the collar.  Those 2 twist are very minimal and subtle and at the same time very powerful.  The only way I could see having it unlocked if Mistress did it specifically so that she could punish me if I wasn't wearing it.  We could even up the stakes and lock on my super heavy collar in the 2nd picture below.

As I was waking up this morning, I felt my collar locked around my neck and a warm rush of feeling owned came over me.  It made me reflect on how very subtle things combine to make a large effect.  Any of of these things by themselves are not a big deal, but when combined, they become very powerful.  Having a tasteful collar locked on.  Wearing a bit of perfume.  Wearing women's deodorant.  Having my toenails painted.  Mistress rubbing and touching parts of my body.  Mistress mentioning when she masturbates.  Having Mistress touch my chastity device.  Sitting to pee.  Wearing panties.  Shaving my body.  Any comment or verbal tease that Mistress can come up with (like asking me when my last orgasm was).  All of these by themselves are no big deal, but added up have an exponential effect on me.  

I know that Mistress not forcing me to lock my collar was intended to be nice, and I appreciate that.  I'm working on helping her overcome her instinct of being a 'good girl' and into being bitchy and mean to me.  In my weird twisted mind, cruelty is caring and intimate, even if it's subtle.

If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 


Saturday, February 3, 2018

New Record Set

Today is my 73rd day without an orgasm which is a new record by one day.  It's also my 71st day locked in chastity, which crushes my old record of 29 days.  I never believed the stories of guys that had been locked on chastity for weeks, months and possibly years.  I am a believer now.  I realize that it takes a strong commitment on both the wearer as well as the key holder.  It's not fun when just one person is living the chastity lifestyle. 

Breaking this record had my mind thinking of new records to beat.  Some of the ones I came up with are as follows.

Time spent in the cage - I think my current record is 2.5 hours. 

Number of cane strikes - we will have to start keeping track of the number of solid strike so we can set new records.

Number of orgasms I give Mistress before I am allowed one.

Hours spent tied up.

Number of orgasms in a short period of time.  One of the better mind-fucks I have seen is where a guy is kept orgasm free for months.  He keeps begging and begging to be allowed to cum, and when his Mistress finally relents she forces as many as she can out of him in 2-4 hours.  So many orgasms that he is begging her to stop.

Number of hours spent not wearing any male clothes.

Hours wearing a bra.

Hours spent standing in high heels.

Number of seconds of breath play.

Time spent kneeling.

Number of lines written.

Number of clothespins on body or part of body.

Pounds of weight hanging from my balls.

Hours standing in the corner.

Number of times my cock leaks without an orgasm during a teasing session.

Number of hours with a butt plug in.  I would guess is 5 or 6 hours, but don't know since I have never kept track.

I find it interesting that setting a record makes me want to keep setting records.  A horny submissive Olympics so to speak. 

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Long Distance Desperation

I am currently out of town and away from my Mistress.  I am lying in my hotel bed in my pink nighty locked in chastity.  It's my first trip out of town locked in chastity.  In the past, I would have already cum a few times and would have already cum this morning.  Instead, I am one day short of my all-time orgasm denial record of 72 days.  The best part of this trip is that it proves to me that there is no reason I cannot be locked in chastity for the rest of my life.  Having Mistress control not only my orgasms but any sexual pleasure at all. I am soooo horny and frustrated.  Being locked up on the road is harder than I imagined and it's a great mind-fuck.  I'm wishing I had brought a toy for my ass so I could at least get some stimulation on my prostate.  Instead I just lie here and fantasize about Mistress treating me badly.

Before I left on this trip, Mistress made sure to give me a caning.  It started rough as we didn't do any warm-up.  As my ass warmed up, I was able to take harder hits from the cane.  Mistress wanted to stop before I did, but I was able to get her to keep going for a bit.  It's very difficult to ask to be hurt when you are in the middle of it.  I'm looking forward to the time where I am yelling out and begging her to stop and she doesn't.  She keeps going until I use my safe-word, and then she keeps going for some time.  It's something we have to work up to as I have to be able to learn to take it and Mistress needs to be able to be OK with hurting me more than she ever has.  Having consistent positive experiences will make this possible.

Here is a picture of my ass just before Mistress untied me.

I thought for sure that I would have felt it when I was sitting in my seat on the plane a few hours later.  I also thought I would finally have some bruises that I could be proud of.  Unfortunately, neither of these things occurred.  I had no left over pain and no bruises or even marks for that matter.  Now I am starting to believe that we are going to have to have a long session with a warm up period and once I am warmed up Mistress can really go to town on my ass with multiple implements.  Once I am bruised well, it should be easier to keep me bruised with daily beatings.  I am very proud to wear bruises that Mistress gives me.

As I lie here in my nighty, with my painted toenails I keep fantasizing about Mistress pushing my feminization buttons harder.  I'm not sure how to explain it but I want to be a slutty, horny, little bitch.  I want to feel humiliated and embarrassed about the things I am willing to do.  I want to feel ashamed of how slutty I am while at the same time not caring because I am so horny.  I'm not sure of any of that makes sense.  

Time to head to work.  

If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can.