Monday, January 23, 2012

Weekly Post

I wanted to start by saying how much fun I had on Thursday night.  I have a love hate relationship with Sophia.  I love her when she is all dressed up and getting attention.  Seeing her all sexed up and teetering on her heels makes me hot just thinking about it.  I hate having to get her ready and clean up after her though.

I also enjoyed getting crazy with lust.  Agreeing to do just about anything to cum.  Even better I like it when I can't move a muscle and an at MBB's mercy.  So very, very hot.  I also like how MB gets wet by making me beg and squirm. 

Today MBB picked out what I had to wear around the house.  I know it's a pain for her, so I really appreciate it when she does it.  It much hotter to not have a choice what to wear and makes me feel more like a slave. I am looking forward to MBB telling me to do more things that she knows I may not want to do or that are a little of my comfort zone.  The mind fuck is so hot.

We also need to make sure MBB is satisfied.  it's been awhile since we have taken care of her.  Maybe the fuckeng machine!?!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Weekly Post - Getting back to where we belong

The last week has been good about getting us back to a place I think we need to be.  I was expecting it to be harder to fall back into allowing myself to submit.  I do believe the fine system is what does it.  I would rather error on the side of following a direction too much instead of not far enough.

Even with our argument on Sunday night, there was no way I was going to get fined for not doing what I said I was going to do.  I knew us arguing was not going to be a valid excuse to not follow the rules.  This was also extremely difficult.  I was very hard to get up yesterday and get dressed femininely.  At the same time I really, really wanted to demonstrate that we could have arguments as a couple and not have it effect the dynamic we both want.  I think living together makes easier to hold me to a set of standards as I can't really run too far away.  It was also humbling to dress this way while trying to be "tough" about things.  I have defintely noticed how hard it is to to be "macho" when wearing pink or frilly things as well as obeying rules I don't want to obey at the time.  I guess that is the true definition of obeying, doing it when you really don't want to.

Besides our argument, I think things are going pretty good.  I expected some growing pains with us now living together, but I think things will work themselves out eventually.  This is also the longest I have gone without an orgasm since we met.  It was somewhere around the 23th-27th since I came.  I am extremely worked up and even was worked up Sunday night and all day Monday.  Even being in an argument doesn't take away the horniness, it just channles it to a darker place.  I think I am in a fairly pliable place mentally right now. 

I'm sorry to have focused on the argument so much.  It's the most recent thing we have had to go through this week so the most fresh in my mind.  I am looking forward to moving past this and deeper in my submission to you. 

Friday, January 6, 2012

Post session post

Last night's session carried over to this morning.  While I really, really wanted an orgasm last night, today I am so happy I didn't have one.  When I plugged myself this morning, it was so tight that it hurt just a tiny bit.  Between being denied, dressed, and plugged, I am actually sitting here in sub space and feeling a little buzzed.  I have such naughty thoughts going through my mind.  If we actually make it to Feb 14th without me having an orgasm, I can only imagine the things I will be thinking about doing.  While I have gone 60 days without cumming, there was maybe only 10 or so days of any teasing or other D/s activity.  I was very occupied with other things so it wasn't too hard on me.  Although we started back on our dynamic on the 1st, I think my last orgasm was around a week earlier, so I am coming up on 2 weeks denied so far and I am loving it.

I wasn't going to say it, but now I am.  When I went up and plugged myself, I tried my stuff from Ulta.  The mascara primer is actually white so it really wonk work for subtle public stuff, I will buy some clear mascara and possibly one a shade darker than clear (maybe the same color as my hair?).  The gloss is naughty.  I can't imagine wearing it willingly in public, but I could see you making me wear it just before we went into a restaraunt or bar.  When I place my order for mascara, I will add some tinted lip balm that is a little less glossy, but adds color.  I can just see glasses aroung the house with my lip color on them.  I also put the clear polish on one nail, and liked it so much I did them all.  It's shiny enough to make me self concious, but not so shiny that people will notice.  Even if they do, it's deniable as I can say its that cuticle oil.  I really had no intention of doing any of this, but I am in such a mood right now.   mmmmmmmmmmmmm

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

New Year, Restoring Old Dynamic

Even though I don;t have to post until Sunday, I thought I would do a "pre post" to communicate how I am feeling.

The email MBB sent me on Sunday was scary and hot at the same time.  I haven't posted since September 15th and for all practical purposes it's been 3 and a half months since we had led much of a Fem Dom relationship.  I was going to say it was 90% due to life circumstances, but in reality it's 100% due to that. 

While I have enjoyed the freedom to do as I please, when I please, how I please, at the end of the day I am not fulfilled.  Relinquishing control of my cock, my wardrobe, my wallet to some extent, etc. while difficult and not "natural" seems to give me an inner peace.  I know I will either forget things or rebel in some ways, but I am fully aware this is what I want and need.  The hardest thing for me will be doing things without being told to do so.  It's very hard for me to put on my nighty or dress in feminine clothes without being specifically told to do so each time.  The financial penalty phase makes it so I mentally decide if a fine is worth "forgetting" to do something.  For some reason a painful punishment didn't work the same way.  Also the financial punishment takes no effort on MBB's part whereas a pain punishment requires her to take time to restrain me and deliver the punishment.

While I am dreading my time in chastity, the mere thought of having to do something I hate so much gets me going.  There is really something hot (that I can't explain) about being coerced into doing things that are very low on my list of turn ons.  The thought of having my own cum forced into my mouth or other disgusting things, being locked into a cage or just being locked in the dungeon for hours or days would piss me off to no end.  However, to have control taken from me and to know MBB has the confidence to take it to such an extreme gets me all hot and bothered.

Also, the thought of not cumming (or should I say not having an orgasm) until the middle of February gets me pretty ramped up too.  I have gotten way to used to cumming the last few months and am looking forward to the mental sexual fatigue and lack of sleep that comes with tease and denial.  I am also looking forward to having many of the tools in the dungeon used on me as well as being MBB's sex slave and complete slut.

I will post later this week on what's going through my mind.

Almost forgot.  Recent developments had me dig up a couple old posts I found online a while ago.

Since the dungeon is now up and running and the "horse" of out of storage.   http://elisesutton.homestead.com/horse.html

And since we have acquired a fucking machine (read the last story from Janet W.)  http://elisesutton.homestead.com/Aug10.html


 

Things are going to change

The email I received Sunday morning...


When we return home tomorrow, you will go back into chastity until further notice. I have tweaked some of the old tasks that were in the original contract. Respond with your acknowledgment and acceptance of the new rules.

1) You agree to take the dry cleaning weekly.
2) You are responsible for a weekly journal entry covering at a minimum your significant thoughts for the week. This is not meant to be a recitation of daily activities or events, unless the context is necessary for the explanation of thoughts. You may choose the day your entry is made, however, it must be made by 10pm every Sunday,
3)      You agree to email me every morning by 9am with your plans for the day. You may waive this task on Saturday and Sunday, or if we are spending the day together.
4)      You agree to seek permission prior to going out alone or with friends.    
5)      You agree to wear a nightie to bed every night.
6)      You agree to forego male underwear for your sexy panties.
7)      You will go into chastity when your Mistress requests.
8)      You agree to dress as Sophia when you are home.
9)      You agree to accept any punishment that your Mistress decides to inflict to any degree, whether earned or not.
10)  You may not seek any other Mistress or lover or relate to others in any sexual or submissive way without your Mistress’s permission
11)  You may not have sex in any way, shape or form with yourself unless directed or permitted by your Mistress.
12)   You agree to look for opportunities to make your Mistress's life easier.
13)  I am re-instituting the fine system. If any of the above tasks are not met, an appropriate financial fine will be assessed.
14) You agree to fulfill the tasks above, unless permission is granted to waive the task. Other tasks/rules may be assigned.