Motivational Quotes

 The week has started slower than I had hoped.  When I made my last post, Mistress and I were on vacation.  We didn't really have an opportunity to put my devotion to servitude to the test.  Now that we are back, I am slightly embarrassed to just jump in and just start doing things.  Mistress has also cautioned me about moving too quickly so that is in the back of my mind.  As much as I want to do everything, I also need a little bit of a push to tell me it's OK to submit.  I also don't want to be a pushy bottom and want to make sure when I do submit, it doesn't come across this way.  Here is a quote that I was able to share with Mistress as to my mindset.  I'm paraphrasing.

"While it might seem like a small difference, it's a massive difference in the mind of a submissive.  Saying that the chores need to be done vs. 'you' need to do the chores, flips a switch in the submissive mind."

That being said, Mistress hasn't had to touch a dish or clean anything.  So far this week I have stripped the bed and cleaned the sheets and duvet cover.  I make Mistress's coffee every morning (I've been doing this for years).  I make the bed as soon as Mistress awakes and I have done all the dishes as they hit the sink.  Yesterday I spent 2 hours cleaning the bathroom from top to bottom until it shined.  For the most part, Mistress has sat comfortably in her chair reading and surfing the internet while I toil away.  

I imagine it's not necessarily easy for her.  For 13 years I have made it about me.  I have been in servitude mode before, but when she isn't acting or reacting in the way I would like her to I would get frustrated and stop.  This time I have to do it differently.  I have to serve with her in mind, not me.  She has to believe that this is for real and won't stop when it gets tough.  My goal is to do this so long and so well that it becomes her new normal.  Should I try to back off, she will recognize it and enforce this new normal.

Here is another quote that is so true.

"Getting what you want doesn't feel near as good as getting what I decide you deserve"

I have wanted to be treated a certain way for many years.  Does it feel good to get exactly what I want?  Absolutely.  What feels even better is to not get what I want because my Mistress has decided that for me.  Getting what I want makes me greedy.  Getting what Mistress decides, makes me horny.

If you have any motivational quotes or stories, please share them with me, even anonymously.  I'd greatly appreciate your help in pushing me through the tough times.  

Spontaneous Orgasm - Ruined

 I have been locked in Chastity since Friday afternoon.  Self Locked.  It's been at least a couple of weeks since I have had an orgasm so I am feeling like I am due.  I have been working on my morning routine to make it less about me and more about service and learning.  I am getting up as soon as I wake up and am not going back to sleep.  I am putting on deodorant and a spray of perfume.  My perfume instantly goes to my brain and takes my submission several degrees deeper. The perfume sticks with me all day as a reminder and I truly think it helps keep my male ego down a few pegs.

I have now added a writing task to my morning.  https://writeforme.org/task/64d8c1f1953bc100370270a8

It's 80 lines that I am committed to typing every morning before I do anything else.  Yesterday when I set it up I had it set to add a line for every mistake.  I was making more mistakes than I was getting correct lines.  As I typed and watched my lines increase.  I felt an arousal but for no reason.  I realized I was cumming.  But how?  My cock hasn't had stimulation for days.  I was not hard. In reality, I wasn't even turned on but I was cumming.  What was happening?  It wasn't a little cum either.  I oozed through the holes in my chastity cage and messed the front of my panties.  How pathetic!

As best as I can figure out, as I watched my task get worse and worse the longer I went, I saw the hopelessness in what I was doing.  I imagined if this was truly a part of my life and not me doing this to myself how fucked I would be.  I would be writing for hours.  I truly felt helpless and being helpless in a Female Led relationship is absolutely what I yearn for.  Somehow it gave me an orgasm.  An orgasm with zero physical stimulation. An orgasm caused just by the “thought” of being given a hopeless task. A messy unfulfilling ruined orgasm that did nothing to take the edge off of my horniness.

Have you ever had an orgasm with literally zero physical stimulation?  If so, please tell me more.  I am fascinated by it.

For those that are commenting.  Thank you!  It makes my heart skip a beat knowing real people are reading about this side of my life.

 

Sissy Service

It was a Tuesday night and we were watching TV like we usually do when Mistress hit the pause button. 

She said “I have a surprise for you this Saturday and you know I can’t keep a surprise to myself, so I’m going to tell you now.  But before I do I want you to go put your chastity device.  Once you know what the surprise is you won’t be able to keep your hands off your little cock.”

I was shocked. It’s been along time since mistress talked to me this way. There was no way I wasn’t going to obey. I went and grabbed my most secure chastity device and put it on. I came back to the sofa and handed mistress the key.

She said, “wow, you’re really a desperate little slut aren’t you?”  I blushed and said “yes, Mistress”.

“This Saturday, we’re going to get up and walk the dog like we normally do. When we get back I’m going to go get ready while you make the dog’s breakfast. You will not be eating breakfast or lunch today. Once I’m ready I’m going to Starbucks for breakfast and to read. At 11 o’clock I have a pedicure and manicure appointment. After that I’m going to lunch and have a couple glasses of wine.  I’ll be gone 4-5 hours.”

“While I’m gone you will put your prostate massager in your tight ass. You’ll then put on your heavy steel collar. Then I want you to put on one of your bodysuits.  After that, spray 2 sprays of your slutty perfume on your chest, neck and wrists so the scent is penetrating your brain all day.”

“Once you are all prepared in your sissy uniform you will clean the entire house from top to bottom.  I want the floors vacuumed and scrubbed. I want the sinks and toilet so clean you can eat off them. I want the shower glass and all the mirrors spotless.  Every surface in the house better sparks. I don’t want to find one speck of dust.”

“If you do a good job I’ll let you kneel on the floor and use lotion to massage my newly manicured feet while I read. If you do a poor job you’ll stand nose against the wall holding up a pair of your dirty panties with your nose for an hour and then you’ll correct your mistakes while I supervise.”

“While I’m gone I want you to think about what you’ve become. So desperate for attention that you’ll do absolutely anything I say just to be my sissy servant while I go out and pamper myself.  This isn’t going to be a one time thing either.  We both know you NEED to be treated this way.  This is a great way for me to have more me time, for your submissive brain to be fed and for us to have a clean home.”  

“Well sissy, tell me what you think”. 

I reply, “Mistress you are absolutely correct. I do need this. The more strict you are with me, the more I am under your spell. I hate to admit it but this, but your cruelty and harshness soothes my soul in a way I can’t describe. I can’t wait for this Saturday to come.  Not because I want to spend the day cleaning, but because I don’t want to do that and you’re making me do it. I want to not only make you proud of my cleaning but my willingness to serve you without question.  My goal is to earn more and more harsh treatment.”

I spend the rest of the week straining in my chastity cage. Sleep is difficult because of all of the thoughts that are running through my head.  Mistress teases me and keeps reminding me of Sissy Saturday. Will mistress actually do this to me? I shudder thinking about the possibilities. It truly is the paradox of the submissive male  

A story with some reality

Below is a story of which many of the things written occurred and a few of them are completely fabricated.  I hope you like it. 

Mistress left town on a short trip.  She's only going to be gone for about 40 hours.  She flew out first thing in the morning which means we had to get up at 5am.  Mistress got up before me to start getting ready.  When I got up I immediately noticed my micro chastity device on the bathroom counter.

"Put it on," she said.  You're going to be so busy that you won't have time to touch yourself.  I'll be taking the keys with me."

I was in shock.  It's been years since we have had real D/S and even longer since I had been locked up by her.

I struggled to get into my smallest device with my hard-on but managed to stuff it in and hand the keys to Mistress.

We headed off to the airport.  On the way, we had small talk about everything that we had going on in our vanilla lives.  I pulled up to the terminal and Mistress told me she left instructions on the kitchen counter. She said the future of our Female Led Relationship would be determined by how well I followed instructions.  Before getting out of the car she gave me a deep kiss and patted my chastity device through my pants while giving a look that made my cock swell.

I rushed home to see what was in store for me.  After feeding the dog I found the letter left for me.

#1. Spray your perfume on (heavy).  I know your mind gets weak when you wear that slutty stuff.  I want your mind open and ready.

#2. Put on your heavy cable collar.  You're going to be wearing this a lot more.

#3.  Paint your pinky fingernails with my teal polish.  It will be enough to make you aware but not too much to go out.

#4. Put on some naughty women's underwear and one of your feminine tops that is not obvious and take the dog for a walk.  When this is done go to page 2.

I completed all of the tasks.  At first, I was paranoid about the top I had to wear but it was early and passable so it was no big deal.  

Here are the panty and top that I chose to wear.

On page 2, I read the following.

#4. When you get back, make yourself scrambled eggs for breakfast.  Put them on a plate and set the plate on the floor in front of a mirror.  Put on your pink cuffs and attach your hands behind your back and start eating.  Be careful.  If any egg falls on the floor you must lick it off the floor.  I am doing this to let you see how pathetic you are.  A 50+ year old man that will do this shows me just how much you will do to be treated harshly.  

#5.  After breakfast, I want you to snap your balls 6 times with the large rubber bands.  I will be inspecting for bruises when I get back so make it good. I managed to complete this.  It hurt, but not as bad as I had expected.  I was bruising easier than usual.

#6. Using your pink cuffs and handcuffs I want you to hog-tie yourself in a way that you can get out.  Put the key 15 feet away so you have to squirm to the keys.  Be sure your nipples are clamped for this.  I want your nipples raw.   After putting clover clamps on my nipples,I dropped the keys at one end of the room and locked my ankles together with one pair of cuffs.  I laid on my stomach and locked one cuff on one wrist and looped it through my ankles and closed the other cuff on the other wrist.  I was stuck.  I quickly realized that squirming on my belly wasn't going to work so I rolled onto my side and eventually to my back where I kept my butt raised and inched to the cuffs.  I was unlocked in about 5 minutes, but my thighs were stressed from my keeping my back off the tile.

#6.  Get to work.  You can't play all day.  While inside you will wear only women's clothes. Take out the dog as needed and put on male clothes over your feminine attire.  When you come back fronm waking the dog you have to put on something new and feminine.

#7.  At the top of every even hour (8, 10, 12, 2, 4) set a 5-minute timer and put on one nipple clamp.  After the 5 minutes are up, switch the clamp to the other nipple.  Do this until the top of the hour and take an hour off.

#8. After work go to the store for your shopping list and your dinner.  Wear your body stocking under your clothes.  When you get back, feed the dog and start your blog post.  Once you have the blog post updated get into something skimpy and scrub the bathroom top to bottom.  It had better sparkle or I will make you do it all over and will blister your ass. I don't care how long it takes.

#9.  When you are done, strip put some cuckold porn in your AirPods, tie yourself spreadeagle to the bed.  Set a timer and lie there for 2 hours listening to women getting fucked by men that are not their husbands.  Imagine this happening to you!

#10.  Add some perfume to your skin and go to bed.  Have Sweet Chasity Dreams.  I will text you all further instructions tomorrow.

Surprise Orders

I had no intention of posting today.  That changed last night.  Mistress was teasing her cock and balls locked in my chastity device.  She told me that I was to wear feminine clothes in the morning.  She specified high heels, a skirt and a bra.  The rest was up to me.  Now Mistress rarely makes me wear a bra, so that added requirement was a nice little torture/bonus.  Mistress also told me that I needed to do the dishes first thing in the morning.  I thanked her for giving me tasks to do as her cock grew even harder in its cage.  She warned me that any disobedience would result in me spending several hours locked in the cage while she went to happy hour.  She teased her cock a bit more and then told me to have sweet dreams.  She wrecked me.

As I was waking this morning I was immediately turned on.  Mistress had gotten up before me so I was happy to be locked in chastity. Even on the honor system, I will edge myself if she gets up before me.  When I got out of bed, I sprayed my perfume on before I did anything.  I needed the extra time to have the perfume push my feminine buttons as I find it challenging to be dressed if Mistress is awake before me.  I went into the spare bedroom and put on a bra and panties.  I then inserted my breast forms.  I put on a long sleeve cowl sweater, a black skirt and black Mary Janes with 5" heels.

I considered not getting dressed for a minute and thought about saying I forgot.  I wanted to see if Mistress would go through with the punishment.  Not because I wanted to be punished, but I wanted to test her resolve.  I decided obedience was a better course of action so that maybe I can be rewarded with other tortures. 

I went downstairs and had a nice little bit of erotic humiliation walking into the room that Mistress was in.  I prefer to get up and dressed before her as walking into a room dressed humiliates me more.

I immediately started on the dishes.  There isn't one thing sexy or erotic about doing dishes.  However, being commanded to do dishes while dressed up is very much a turn on to me.  It's about the control she is taking and the control I am giving up.  I made sure to also clean up the counter and the rest of the kitchen a bit.  I wanted to show my appreciation for being giving house work chores.  As I went about cleaning I realized that it had been about 4 months since I was dressed feminine.  I missed it.  I felt like kind of a 50's housewife doing chores, all dressed up and in heels while the husband sat on the couch.  It pushed my buttons.

As I sit here typing this my arousal is off the charts.  Mistress' cock is straining in its cage, my feet are a bit uncomfortable and my breast forms weigh heavy on my chest.  I am in heaven. 

In closing, I want to thank Mistress for making me get dressed and giving me orders.  I want her to feel confident in making me do anything she wants me to do and want her to feel even more confident on ignoring my needs and wants.  I am her slave.   
  

Follow up - Checklist and Punishment

So I believe that Mistress has embraced the checklist I created.  She apparently has worked on some changes including some work related tasks to reduce my work stress.  I am still waiting to see what changes she has made and how she intends to implement it as well as how the punishments will be handled.

We did banter about it a bit last night.  I got the feeling that instant correction is not on her list.  I understand that.  I think a blend of instant correction (for serious infractions) and accumulated correction (for less serious or for training purposes) is ideal, but this is her decision.  In fact, that's what I like about it.  I gave her a blue print and she can choose to use it or not.  I am truly at her mercy and that's how I want it to be.

That being said I will continue to communicate my thoughts on the checklist and what I hope we can both gain from using it.

  There are certain tasks and requirements that I want to be 'set in stone'.  Those are the No Tolerance items and the Infractions section of the checklist.  In my mind the entire No Tolerance list should be marked with a Y or a W (for waived).  If even one item's box is blank on that day I have earned some degree of punishment.  These items are things that I believe are the bare minimum of things I must do.  A couple of them are meant to challenge me, such as PM femininity and keeping my toenail polish updated.  I have a real challenge coming home from the office early and getting dressed in feminine attire.  My libido is less in the afternoon so I have a hard time coming to terms with doing it even though deep down I want to.  That's the reason I put it on the list.  I hope Mistress keeps it on the list and enforces it.  As for the toenail polish, that's meant to be a nit-picky requirement.  I have been known to let my polish get ugly.  By having it on the list I have made it a priority for me to maintain it and Mistress to monitor compliance before it gets ugly.

The infraction section would work the same way.  If there is ever a Y in one of these boxes, I have earned a correction.  Technically these are No Tolerance items as well, but they are items that should not occur.

Lastly the "Optional Task" section.   I can easily see some items shifting to or from each section based on Mistress' desires, this was just a template.  I created this section to give more of a 'points' approach to the list.  Also many of these would depend on the type of day we had so I believe some flexibility was preferable.  In reality this list could be added to the No Tolerance section.  Mistress could require every single item on it to be done daily.  That would certainly make me take notice.  I would certainly feel more slave like if I couldn't choose to not do some of these items.        

Here is how I imagine this playing out on a day-to day basis.  Mistress will be the only one allowed to fill out the list.  I can even imagine of a few inspection periods throughout the day to ensure compliance.  I imagine the erotic humiliation of having to display my perfume, panties, butt plug, collar and toenails so those items can be checked off.  I imagine Mistress assigning a protocol.  Something as simple as kneeling and kissing each foot.  It would only take 10 seconds but it would set a tone for the day.  During the day, Mistress would complete the list as she saw fit.  Before bed, Mistress would complete the list and maybe that would be the bedtime protocol.  I would kneel at her feet while she completed the list.

As I wrote the previous few paragraphs something new came to mind.  Maybe the "Optional Tasks" section is the pleasure section while the other 2 sections are the obedience and punishment section.  While the other 2 sections have a punishment aspect to them and therefore my desire to have no leniency for them, the Optional Section could have a reward.  One carrot section and two stick sections.  I would have to earn a certain number of points per day/week/month to be rewarded with a bondage session that I like.  I imagine punishment sessions happening more or less weekly and reward sessions happening bi-weekly, monthly or when I have earned enough points.

In closing I want to let Mistress know that I am looking forward to this experiment.  I want Mistress to know that I am 100% bought into this and will do my best.  I will be challenged and will have to deal with some insecurities but I want Mistress to have the utmost confidence that this is what I really, really want.  For lack of a better term, I am begging that monitoring and enforcement will be very strict and punishments very real and very severe.  I don't know if I can cry, but that is the type punishment I expect to endure.  The fear I have felt over the last couple of sessions have made me melt with a desire to serve.  Additionally I want this to work for Mistress.  I want her to feel like I am providing true service to her.  None of this matters if her needs are not being met and if the reward for her is not worth her effort.  If anything needs to be changed, added or dropped to make Mistress happy than I am all for it.  She is my Goddess!

          

   

Getting Caught

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly horny.  The thoughts running through my head day-in and day-out are really starting to escalate.  I have to get out of the house early this morning and had contemplated skipping my feminine dress.  However, I am so under a spell right now that I couldn't resist putting on a skirt that is a little too tight, heels that are a little to high, and an unnecessary bra.

That brings me to one of the things I have been fantasizing about.  Getting caught and being penalized in some way.  I like the idea of Mistress searching for ways to catch me disobeying.  One example is doing a "panty check" at all times. The punishment could be severe or it could be something as simple as being forced to go put on panties.  Skipping perfume could be punished with a squirt of something undeniably feminine and over powering.  Not voluntarily going into chastity when Mistress announces her period would result in a punishment (some Mistresses make their slaves wear pads during this time.  Being punished for an outfit Mistress doesn't like.  When she notices that things she requires of me are being ignored or neglected, being called out on it, punished and the expectation put back in place puts butterflies in my stomach.

I fantasize that a lot of times I would be set up to fail, just for the purpose of punishing me.  Being given a task that she knows I will forget or not do and be dealt with appropriately.  I am fantasizing right now about pulling up my skirt, pulling down my panties and stroking my cock.  I imagine Mistress quietly coming down the stairs and catching me.  What would the punishment be?  How humiliated would I feel?  The thought of this is intoxicating.

         

Femme all day

I haven't worn an item of male clothing since Sunday at around 6pm.  When I fantasize about being dressed in women's clothes, my fantasy is of me in a terribly slutty outfit, with makeup, a wig and me teetering around the house in high heels.  The reality is a little different.  Mistress has given me autonomy to dress how I want, and the only rule is no male clothes at home and I can't wear the same thing twice.  Yesterday I was in my pink workout clothes and then later some black lace boy-shorts, Capri jeans and razor back camisole.  I later added a pink sweater as it was chilly.  I also painted my finger and toenails with a polish that is one shade darker than clear nail polish.

Fantasy vs. Reality

I am dressing a little more low key than I had hoped.  I am blaming it on my orgasm on Sunday.  Also Mistress isn't directing what I wear.  That is forcing me to own what I am wearing and to acknowledge deep down that I enjoy wearing women's clothes.  Now this isn't "forced feminization" as I am not being "forced", but I can certainly call it coerced.  She suggested and I agreed that any deviation would result in cage time for me.  Either way, deep down I like it, as much as I hate to admit it.

Wearing these clothes for so long as well as having to pick out my own outfits is causing me to feel a bit more feminine on the inside.  I love the coziness of what I have been wearing as women's clothes are made with such nicer fabric than male clothes.  Since Mistress has told me that I can't wear the same thing more than once, that will be a challenge later this week as my outfits will become more and more risque' out of necessity.  I am dreading and looking forward to it at the same time.

The best part of all this week;s experiment is that I am becoming less embarrassed about being dressed in front on Mistress in a non-sexual or D/s way.  While I am a very masculine guy, I am also getting comfortable with it, it could feel "normal" to me.  If Mistress really wanted it, I hate to admit, but I can see this being a long term part of our relationship.  When she looks at me dressed this way with a certain evil look in her eyes, it goes deep into my soul.  There is something about her hugging me and kissing me when I am wearing clothes like this. that I feel almost like her girl friend.

Yesterday I had mentioned rules and protocols.  Based on the conversation Mistress and I had the other night during sex, I think she would like to add some protocols.  I have come up with some ideas.

• Making her coffee in the morning.
• Kneeling at her feet when she snaps her fingers
• Kissing Mistress feet or shoes on command (just to make a point)
• Open and close the car door for her at all times
• Filling Mistress glass whenever it runs low

There are hundreds more protocols out there, but I don't want to lead too much.  I do like the concept as a way to keep my mind focused as well as giving her additional opportunities to punish misdeeds.

Hangover Horny

Apparently I am a little hungover today.  I don't really feel hungover, but with the thoughts going through my mind, it's the only logical explanation.

A short recap.  I think Mistress had a new way to torture me while pleasing herself.  She now seems very fond of strapping me down to the bed, blindfolded where she can pleasure herself with the hitachi and tease / hurt me at the same time.  I don't get to make her cum nor do I get to see her cum.  It's quite the mindfuck.

So now to my naughty thoughts today. Since I woke up this morning, I've thought about all of these things.

• having my ass stuffed with a large butt plug
• wearing high heels until my feet hurt
• locked in chastity
• with a slutty tight dress on
• wearing heavy eye makeup, women's deodorant and perfume
• being forced to send Mistress humiliating pictures of myself
• forced to suck a dildo
• tied to the bed, wearing dildo gag, Mistress putting the dildo in her and using the hitachi on herself while I drown in her juices
• Mistress using the little syringes to suck up my cum and inject it into my mouth.

That's all for now...  I just wanted to share before these thoughts went away.  I think seeing this post earlier this morning might have aided in my mood today.  http://akashaweb.com/updates/StableUpdateJan22.html

I LOVE MY MISTRESS!

Back from hiatus

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12/4 diary post #1

Today we have a storm so I am working from home.  To keep the day interesting I will post a few times during the day with thoughts, things I have done, etc.

First off, I failed to do all the things my Mistress asked of me yesterday.  Here was my list and the status of each item.

Your tasks for today...

Pick up my prescription - Failed yesterday - completed this morning.

Make a nail Appt Saturday morning - Failed Yesterday - completed last night.

Plugged for 3 hours - Done from 11:08 AM to 2:22 PM

Return tablecloth - Done, picked up new one.

Tights and camisole under your clothes - Done, in fact I wore up until bedtime.

Being that I failed, Mistress will normally remove all D/s from our lives for some time as my punishment.  No D/s is a pretty good punishment.  It's easy for her to do, and there is no potential reward for me.  There are some other D/s punishments out there, some of which would be a true punishment, but she feels this is best. That being said I was surprised to wake up to this this morning.

Since you didn't complete your task list yesterday, here is what you will do for me today...

1) Masturbate until you cum

2) Paint your toenails (I really like the purple)

3) While in the house today, you are only allowed fem clothes 

1) I am such a tease and denial guy, this is actually a punishment for me.  

2) Yay!

3) Yay!  So Yay, I actually am wearing some femme boxers and a tank to work out in.  Additionally I had to run a couple errands very early, so I put on some femme jeans I have (pretty deniable with mens boots) as well as a pink top I was able to hide with my fleece and I ran my errands.  It's the first time I have ever worn anything out and about that was femme.  My one quick inside stop was so fast it didn't even phase me. A trip inside a grocery store would make me very self conscious, but I am sure no one would know. 

Before I got out of bed I edged myself.  Today's tasks reminded me of a blog post I saw yesterday which I edged to the idea of these pics being me (they are not me).  More posts later today.

Cleared a hurdle

Last night as we were getting ready for bed, I was playing a game on my phone wearing my male clothes.  Mistress was in bed, ready for me to turn out the lights and go to sleep.  She didn't mention anything about my male attire either because she didn't think about it or she wanted to see what I would do.  In my own mind I was debating what to do.  I was feeling insecure about putting a nighty on.  I was slightly humiliated at the thought.  My male ego was trying to take over.  I debated a little bit more and decided I really want to do 100% of what my Mistress asks of me, even especially if I don't like it.  That is what true submission is about.  That being said, from about 4 am until I got up, I had many naughty thoughts running through my mind.  I woke up horny as could be.  I got through my self doubt, and submitted.  This is the first time I can ever remember of not letting my macho male ego get the better of me, and doing what I was told to do without it becoming an "issue" in my relationship.  I really feel my mindset changing and the pushy bottom part of me leaving.

For today's edge I thought about Mistress fucking with me this weekend.  Mistress will be going out of town this weekend for about 24 hours.  While I will likely just hang around the house or go grab a drink somewhere, I couldn't help thinking about other possibilities.    I edged to the idea of Mistress telling me to wear a bra and stockings with garters and my chastity device and having me go to a strip club.  Although I think it would be more fun having her with me for something like that.  I edged to the idea of her having me take her to the airport and/or pick her up, but I would be wearing womens clothes (jeans or slacks and a femme shirt, something not obvious but still a mind fuck for me).   If we didn't have our pets, I thought about her putting me in chains, shackles and chastity, naked and putting me in the dungeon and locking the door.  She would have webcams on me the whole time.  I would have a pair of bolt cutters in case of an emergency, but I would be in jail for 24 hours.  I imagined her locking me in the dog cage.  I would have to sit in it until she sent me the combination to the lock. I imagine her giving me a household chore or chores she wants done while she is gone.  I would be judged on how well I completed them.  I imagined Mistress teasing me with pictures of her or her taunting me about her slave at home.

I love my Mistress very much!

Today

As I write this I have a large plug in my ass and a lingerie set on under my clothes, waiting for my fingernail polish to dry.

My head is spinning and I am soooo horny.  Today I edged to the idea of Mistress making me wear more and more items and outfits.  Things that make me uncomfortable or fear being found out.  I imagined her verbally taunting me about what I am wearing or having me tied down and making me admit how much I love it.  I imagined her not letting me change out of my day lingerie until bed time.  Essentially I have to be in some form of femininity 24/7 as I do tend to be in male clothes in the mornings and evenings.  I imagined her telling me how much she likes pushing my buttons and how it turns her on to see me dressed (if it does) and humiliated (if it does).  I keep dreaming of more elaborate outfits both under my clothes and actual outfits.  There are some companies now making some pretty sexy clothes for men that wear women's clothes.  All I can think of is being MBB's naughty slut slave.

Elise Sutton

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Lessons Learned

Friday night Miss Bossy Bitch tied me to our bed as promised.  She tied me about as tight as I have ever been tied.  While I was tied, she sucked my cock, and gave me an amazing teasing hand job.  In between strokes she would smack my balls with some sort of implement.  I hate my balls being smacked, but because I am tied down and there is nothing I can do about it, I love it.  As part of the torture, MBB asked me lots of questions and made lot of suggestions.

Some of the suggestions that came out (that I remember) were as follows...

• I should wear the ones I have and buy some additional female workout clothes to work out in (including sports bras - humiliating).  This would reinforce my working out for my Mistress, especially looking in the mirror.  I noticed Target had some cute inexpensive workout clothes in all sizes.
• MBB is planning on having me wear a butt plug when we go out.  I have rarely worn a plug in her presence so I am sure that would be a nice mind fuck.
• More focus on me wearing feminine clothes.
• She plans on taking more control over me.
• She is planning on including chastity in as part of that control.
• I still need to be punished for past transgressions.  Side note, I still feel that punishments (earned or for maintenance) are a good way to keep the dynamic real.  It sets the hierarchy in our relationship and reinforces our positions.

Now as far as the title of this post, Lessons Learned, This is what I have learned in the last few years.  While I have a lot in my mind about how a female led relationship should work, it really doesn't matter.  Obviously D/s is something I need, but it's not something MBB has to do for me.  In reality if I want her to dominate me I have to do it on her terms and without fail.  MBB has taught me that forcing my ideas on her only keeps me  from what I need.  She has taught me that no D/s is worse than having to do things I may not want to do.  In fact I have learned I would rather do 10 D/s things that I dislike than go too long without any D/s.  I have learned that if MBB wants me in chastity full time, and it turns her on and we get to play more, then I need to be in chastity full time.  I need to do whatever she wants me to do if I plan on getting my D/s needs met.  At the end of the day, that is what submission is all about.  

As far as my edging today, I didn't edge about any fantasy.  I edged about the topic above.  I edged thinking about D/s on MBB terms and not mine.  Needless to say I got to the edge much quicker. I even leaked some...

I love you Miss Bossy!

Deeper and Naughtier

I guess it was inevitable that I was going to get to this stage.  It has been 16 days since my last orgasm.  I am edging again and writing about it.  Mistress has been putting me in a nighty.  All of that plus the 2 of us have been getting along pretty well has me in such a submissive head space right now.  

Today's edge had me edging to the idea of our D/s relationship being more hard core.  Some of the things I was getting super turned on by were as follows.

Mistress would go through my wallet and take all of my debit/credit cards and hide them from me.  She would have me fill my gas tank each weekend and give me a cash allowance (something small like $5-$20).  She would forbid me to make any purchases without her permission.  Anything I would want to buy I would have to ask for money to do it. 

Mistress would make me start taking naughty pictures of myself and posing them on the blog or on my Tumblr page.  Each month about 450 people visit the blog and I wouldn't know who was seeing them.  I'm sure it wouldn't be long before they showed up in other places online.

On Saturday Mistress had her nail appointment, and I enjoyed a bike ride.  This morning I dreamt of being given a task list of things to do or to be locked in the dungeon while she was being pampered.  As I typed that, I thought of going on her appointment with her, but I would have a plug in my ass and would be wearing other kink items.

I did imagine my cock locked up in Chastity.  Stupid Libido.

I imagined Mistress taking me to Drag Shows or other venues to get me conditioned to the idea

I imagined Mistress would make me pay her for sessions

Mistress would tell me what to wear or ask if my wardrobe is ok

I imagined Mistress using the rotisserie that I already converted to BDSM usage to pull a clothespin zipper off of me.

I imagined Mistress whoring me out online to a Master.

I imagined Mistress letting me cut her name or initials into my body

I imagined having all of my feminine clothes back in our room. 

My mind is spinning just thinking of it all

Nighty Night & Today's Edge

Last night Mistress had me wear a nighty.  She told me a few hours before bed that I had to wear one and she didn't remind me at bedtime.  Thank goodness I remembered on my own.

There is no way in the word for me to sleep in a nighty and not think about very nasty stuff.  First, putting it on in front of her is humiliating.  Humiliation is good to put me in a certain space.  Then every time I wake up, I have to situate the nighty, and that in turn makes me think about what a slut I am and the things I love to do when I am in this frame of mind.

That got me thinking about a blog post I found the other day. Below is what I edged to today.  They are some highlights from this page http://girlscanbesocruel.com/Overview.html

3. NAKED DAYS. About 10 days per month I use my power as "Queen" to declare it a "Naked Day."  What that means to my slave is that he is naked all day that he is home.  Despite the fact that we have been married for many years, he finds being naked in front of me to be quite humbling.  At the end of each Naked Day I allow him an orgasm as a reward for all of his hard work..  When he orgasms at the end of a Naked Day, it is always through some form of humiliating masturbation.

5. HIGH PROTOCOLS.  I never really felt drawn to "High Protocols" like a lot of Doms however I do insist on certain rituals that keep him in his place and on his toes. My goal is to keep him in sub space and strip him of his dignity because I know that is what he wants.

6.  BE YOURSELF.  At first I tried to be like what I thought a Dominatrix was supposed to be and it never felt right.  I am not into the Dominatrix thing at all.  That's just not me.  I'm a demure girl from a small town in Rhode Island. Whatever you do create a style that you feel completely comfortable in.  My style is quiet but very strict.  I never raise my voice.  It took some practice and research however trust me when I say that I can be the cruelest of girls ever! He has told me that in the times I have pushed him beyond his comfort zone and made him regret that he was in this predicament that these later became his best masturbatory fantasies.

7.  MASTURBATION.  If it were up to him he would have two orgasms every day.  I use masturbation as his primary reward for being a good slave. Masturbation requires no work on my part and it is very embarrassing for him.  At the end of each Naked Day, I never offer to let him masturbate. Instead if he wants to cum, which of course he does, he must ask permission. When I am done with his service and nakedness I will tell him that I am ready for him to get showered, get dressed and return to his role as my husband.  I don't say it however if he wants to cum which he always does, he must kneel in front of me and with flaming red cheeks he says, "Mistress, may I please masturbate?"  I give him permission to masturbate every time or he seems unable to function back in the role of my husband until he cums so I never withhold orgasm as a punishment or he drives me crazy. 

8.  BACK UP TASKS.  Some days he has more time than other days.  In the Slave Journal I maintain a list of things that need to be done around the house, but not necessarily that day.  Thus, when he has extra time he can complete some of the optional tasks.  If he does something that really pleases me in a timely fashion, he gets a pleasure reward.  If too much time goes by and I notice he has not completed an undesirable task, he is punished with work that is twice as hard as the original task that he procrastinated with.

9.  BREATHERS.  Breathers are critical to our Dominance/Submissive (D/s) dynamics.  I call them "Breathers" because they are a breather for me in terms of dominant energy.  I use Breathers when he wants to play and I don't have the time, interest, or energy.  I use Breathers sometimes when he is horny and I am on my period.  I also use Breathers on Naked days as a reward of sorts.  Breathers are ways for him to suffer for up to two hours but can never take more than 10 minutes of my time.  Like many submissives that I have read about, my husband has a very rich fantasy life.  I gave him one week to come up with a list of 25 tasks that he would find to be humiliating.  The Breathers are kept in an envelope in the back of the Slave Journal.  On Naked Days, or sometimes when he has indicated that he wants to play that night, I draw a "Breather" from the envelop and make him perform the Breather while I read, nap, eat ice cream or watch TV.  I generally pick the Breather from the envelope a day or two before I am going to actually use it so I can let it bake in my brain as I always try to expand on his fantasy so it has my own flavor to it.

10.  PUNISHMENT. In order for the D/s scenes and lifestyle to be real he must have the fear of genuine punishment looming over his head.  Let's say he has done a good job cleaning the house but not a great job, I punish him. Let's say he had a bad attitude, I punish him.  Let's say he forgets to do something, I punish him. I love to find reasons to punish him.  Here are some of the methods I use that have worked really well for me.  A)  I make him bend over, touch his toes and I paddle him with a ping pong paddle.  I reserve this for serious infractions and I give him very hard swats. He hates it and therefore rarely makes the same mistake twice.  B)  We have a tool shed that is as hot as a sweat box on some days.  I banish him to the shed, tie his wrists to the rafters and leave him in the dark for one hour with an overly ripe banana smeared all over his groin, ass and underarms as bait for the flies! D) I think this is a fairly common punishment based on things I have seen in fem dom chat rooms, however making him write punishment lines is very effective, i.e., "I promise to put the toilet seat down."  My twist on this is that I have him use the toilet as a table

Today's Edge, The Darker Side

So yesterday's edge had me thinking about the nicer, funner side of D/s.  Yesterday afternoon and this morning I have been thinking about the darker side.

Over the last year or so, I have done a few things that I have not been proud of and has upset MBB.  From losing my collar, staying out too late, being too rough in bed, and occasionally being disrespectful, I have been less than stellar.  Now MBB has been forgiving and that has been very much appreciated.  However in  my somewhat twisted fantasy world, she would have exacted some sort of retribution.  After being forgiven I would have to redeem myself in any way she chose.  Now what I am about to write is stuff I probably would not like, but because I was forced to do them I would eventually come around to be turned on about it.  There is something about not being able to say NO.

• Chastity.  Anyone that has red this blog knows that I really don;t like chastity, especially as a form of punishment.  MBB tends to not play D/s when she is upset with me so to be in chastity with no D/s, would suck.  I imagine a certain amount of days with no breaks as my sentence.
• Good old-fashioned beating.  I recently read a blog post where a mistress chained her slave face down to a bed, beat the slave well, threw a blanket over the slave and left the slave overnight chained to the bed.  The slave was not happy, but respected the situation eventually.
• Cage time
• Writing lines.  Just like in elementary school, writing lines for hours.  Some Mistresses add distractions like plugs, gags, restraints etc.   Others require reports or stories but they don't seem as tedious.
• Cum eating.  Not forced like I actually fantasize about.  Willingly eating my cum a certain amount of times before D/s happens again.  Whether is cleaning my cum out of MBB, cumming in my hand and eating it or some other way.  This would force me to debase myself to even things out.
• Hard Labor.  We have a rather large yard that always has work needing to be done.  I have read posts of some Mistresses that put their slave to work in the yard.  The dress him or undress him how they want and put him to work.  Some of it is meaningless like digging a hole on one end of the yard and filling one on the other end or moving large rocks just to move them.  They add collars,plugs, etc. To add the punishment most will sit in the shade or sun bathe while their slave works.
• Electricity.  We have a shocking dog collar as well as a TENS unit.  They can both be kind of fun, but they can also be excruciating.

Now I have known about a lot of these things for some time, but have never mentioned them due to how much they would suck.  However with the dark side of my brain working, I decided to post them.

100th Post - Today's Edge

Today I edged to a blog I was reading.    It reminds me a lot of me/us.  http://hersubmissivepet.blogspot.com/ especially the 1st post.

Here are some of the paragraphs I read that made me have to stop stroking so I wouldn't cum.

My Weekend as a Maid

Mistress was visiting Her family last weekend so I was left behind to bring the apartment into a state of complete cleanliness. We have been traveling recently as well as were quite busy at work, so our place did look quite as neat and clean as I would have liked. It's not that it was dirty, it just wasn't perfect. Well the bathroom was pretty gross. And the kitchen quite a bit too. This was really bothering me because what kind of sissy maid can possibly live in a place like this.

That was all to change this weekend, however, as Mistress laid out the rules on Saturday morning before She left.

1. Wear panties every day. Before leaving, Mistress picked out three pairs of panties - black, white and pink for me to wear (She does this every morning). I decided to save the pink lacy ones to greet Mistress in on Monday.

2. Wear maid's uniform, including the (link to shoes) new maid shoes, except during times of heavy cleaning so as to avoid staining and damaging it. You can see my outfit laid out for me in the picture above.

3. No unauthorized touching or masturbating, except on both evenings I was going to be alone I was ordered to masturbate and bring myself to the edge and then stop.

4. Practice eye-makeup techniques on both days.

5. Wear the pink nightie from Victoria's Secret to bed every night.

Makeup & Make out

On the way from work today, Mistresses mentioned that She would "want to play tonight". This probably coincided with the fact that my brand new maid shoes were scheduled to arrive today, after we missed the delivery yesterday. However, when we got home Mistress said She wants to play dress-up. When we play dress-up, Mistress usually puts me in some nice skimpy clothes and heels and let's me go about my business in the apartment while She occasionally observes me and harasses me sexually. This time though, She wanted to put on some makeup as well.

Naturally I immediately got very excited but there was still laundry needed to be done and I also wanted to get my treadmill exercise out of the way so that we can both enjoy this evening and let it smoothly morph into a peaceful and restful night. After everything was finished I took a long shower, shaved my cock and balls as well as my face for Mistress who likes it smooth. I was then put into a burgundy corset and matching lacy boy-cut panties.

I got in immediate erection which lasted pretty much until we were done playing. But I am under a strict no-touching policy and Mistress was certainly in no mood to touch it either. I may have already mentioned that I am currently in orgasm denial training, slowly working my way up to being orgasm-free for at least a month (or longer) at a time. I am currently going for two weeks and seeing how my last release (and a spectacular one at that) was on Sunday night, I gave up all hopes of penis-related pleasure and started enjoying the sexual frustration.

Mistress ordered me to bring Her all Her make-up and spent the next half hour or so applying make-up on my face, while I was sitting in front of Her on the floor. She focused on my eyes - mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow, even curling my eyelashes - in the end creating what I thought was a perfect eye-makeup. To complete the image, Mistress brought both wigs and tried them on, eventually choosing with the light brunette one. Then followed the necklace and clip-on earrings.When I saw myself in the mirror I was quite amazed, I barely recognized my face. Wow ... what a change. Mistress must have liked what She saw as well because out of the blue She suggested that at some point in the future, when I lose bit more weight and acquire a bit more feminine figure, we should go together on a trip to a place where we do not know anyone, She would then dress me up and we would go out together. I must stay this is an exciting prospect but nonetheless a big step for me and my ego . But I would definitely want to try this at some point. Mistress kindly offered to look for a dress for me, we would then print the picture of it and leave on the fridge door as a constant remainder of what I am struggling to achieve. So far She only found one dress - at Frederick's of Hollywood. It is the one in the picture to the right.

Well, at this point I was very horny and felt to be in need of some emotional fulfillment. I asked Mistress if She wouldn't mind me worshiping Her body for a while. She rarely turns down an opportunity like this, She likes is when I suggest cuddling or petting, although She naturally can say no as She is clearly in charge of this relationship. She took a quick shower and a few minutes later we were in bed - me still dressed up, with my wig and makeup on - gently kissing and caressing each others bodies. Stuff like this makes me quite hard which Mistress knows so She made sure to "accidentally" touch my cock through the panties every now and then. Eventually I proceeded to kiss Her neck, nibble on Her nipples before moving onto Her exquisite pussy and pleasuring Her with tongue.
I have done this many times before but I don't think I was ever dressed like this and I must say it was an entirely different experience. Sooooooexciting. After several minutes She had a beautiful orgasm and then we cuddled until She fell asleep on my arm. She is so beautiful! I almost fell asleep as well but at the last moment forced myself to get up to remove my makeup and to tidy up the apartment a bit. And to share my fresh experience with the readers of this blog of course!