Well denied

I’ve been locked in Chastity for 83 of the last 85 days. 80 of those days have been in 2019. Last year I was locked 169 days so I am already locked close to half of what I was last year.  My last orgasm was over 8 weeks ago. I’ve only had one orgasm this year. Last year I was at 3 at this time of the year. 

Mistress had been surprisingly good with me being locked. We have been so busy that there hasn’t been a lot of time for any sort of physical intimacy so this chastity period is kind of convenient in a way.  My new attitude of if I’m unlocked that must mean I’m allowed to masturbate might also play into Mistress’s decision to keep me locked up.

Between work and our dog, one of us gets up way before the other.  Most days Mistress is up and I am left in bed. I used to be able to edge during these times and sometimes my edging would be a bit too much and I would leak quite a bit. There is no edging now.  The closest I get is getting super hard in my cage, over and over while I fantasize about Mistress tease torturing me.

I want to cum, but I really don’t want to cum.  If I were unlocked right now I would be in my home office.  I would be looking at some sort of porn where a guy is tied helplessly tight and edged over and over and over.  I’d get close enough to orgasm to leak, and I would lick up the small amounts. And I’m in enough of a mood that I would stroke myself to orgasm right into my office trash can. I wouldn’t consume that cum, even though I should. Being locked in chastity keeps me from having an occasional unauthorized orgasm, accidentally or on purpose.  It keeps me under control which is what I really crave. 

What I really crave is Mistress using me sexually without letting me have pleasure. I yearn to use my mouth and fingers to bring her to orgasm. I fantasize about fucking her with a strap on while my cock stays locked up. Fucking her for as hard and long as she wants as there is no over stimulation on my part. I fantasize about Mistress cumming every single day with my help or on her own while I stay denied. When she does masturbate she lets me know about it as it’s a great mindfuck.  I know that being used for her pleasure while I stay denied would really, really make me unbearably horny.  I want to be so desperate that I am nearly in tears...

Today's mood...

More and More Desperate - And Loving It

Every morning, I am sexually desperate.  A combination of testosterone, mixed with nightly feminization mixed with full-time chastity is driving me sexually mad.  Each day as my body slowly starts to wake up, my mind stirs with disturbing thoughts. My cock gets hard and strains against my chastity cage. I fantasize about having painful, humiliating or disgusting things done to me.  I yearn to be treated harshly and to be made to do things that challenge me. I fantasize about the idea of cumming and at the same time hoping that I remain denied. I fantasize and cringe at the same time about electric play.  Electric devices scare me but fascinated me at the same time. I also have fantasies I wish I didn’t have. Ones that I don’t want to happen but my mind still goes there.

Some mornings I am so desperate to feel more naughty that I will wear a feminine item under my male clothes.  A feminine tank top or camisole rubs against my chest as I take the dog for a walk.  Making me even hornier.  I’m erotically ashamed of this behavior and hide it from Mistress.

As the day goes on my horniness drops. I’m too busy to be hyper-sexualized. That doesn’t mean my desperation goes away, it’s just reduced. I have constant reminders of my situation. Chasity is always there. I occasionally get a whiff of the intoxicating perfume I wear.  Whenever I am barefoot, my pink painted toenails make my brain twitch a bit.

Each night the cycle starts over as I slip into a nighty before climbing into bed. Occasionally I try to skip the nighty but Mistress catches this and makes sure I obey. I love her for doing this to /for me.  Some nights I have dreams.  A recent one had Mistress reverse sitting on my face with the threat of me not breathing unless I licked her furiously.  Another had me going to a private executive suite dressed in my male clothes with instructions to change into my feminine attire once I arrived. Mistress would use a webcam to give me humiliating tasks and to ensure I stayed dressed in this busy office.

When I dream like this I am even more ramped up and desperate the next day. Thanks to chastity and orgasm denial I don’t see my frustration ever ending. That makes me horny, happy and eager to serve my Mistress in any way possible.

Today’s mood.

Ramped Up!!!!

I am a huge fan of orgasm denial.  That doesn't mean I don't like orgasms.  In fact, I would love to cum every day if not a couple times a day.  In my previous marriage, I would cum at least once a day and 3-4 times a day if I was traveling.  Unfortunately, 99% of those orgasms were solo and left me unaroused.

The reason I love orgasm denial is precisely because I want to cum so badly all of the time.  I love the mind fuck aspect of not being allowed to cum.  While I am not a fan of having to wear a chastity device, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being forced to wear a chastity device.  I am tired of the honor system, where I willfully don't cum.  I was pretty good at it, but still had accidents.  I was able to edge.  I didn't feel like I was being controlled, which is what I really crave.  I am now of the mindset that if Mistress leaves my cock unlocked for any period of time it signifies permission to do as I please with my cock.

While I am a fan of orgasm denial and my fantasy is 100% denial, I realize occasional orgasms are essential in making the denial more frustrating.  I came 4 days ago.  In the couple of weeks before I came, I got used to the idea of not cumming.  Not that I have had an orgasm, I can't get the thought of having an orgasm again.  It's a delicious mind fuck.  In fact the few days after I have an orgasm are the hardest for me.  It's when I would cheat the most in the past.  Mistress would leave me unlocked and I would generally have an extra one or 2 unauthorized orgasms.  I was too weak to resist the siren call of another orgasm.  That's what happened to me the day after my last orgasm, I needed another one and I wasn't locked.  I fought it, but won't fight it the next time the situation happens.  I'll admit it and deal with any punishment Mistress deems appropriate.  That's why chastity is such a great tool to enforce control over my orgasms.

Last night was a night on the couch watching TV.  Mistress will grab me something comfortable to wear while we lounge around.  Sometimes its men's PJ bottoms and a t-shirt.  Other times it's something feminine.  I'm torn when she does this.  In the evening my libido is lower than in the morning.  When she brings me male clothes I am released, but also missing the forced feminization.  When she brings me female clothes, my anxiety peaks, I get mildly humiliated, but I also get incredibly aroused.  It's another mindfuck, which I love.  Last night Mistress picked out pink yoga pants and a thin white camisole with spaghetti straps.  I can see my nipples outlined very well in the top and I feel super exposed in the cold air.  I absolutely love how slutty it makes me feel.  The other side benefit to wearing feminine attire in the evening is that it ends up on the floor next to the bed which is what I will put on in the morning.

All of these things added up have me in quite a state.  Last night I dreamt that Mistress started making me wear body suits under my clothes during the day and at bedtime.  Some of them were so high cut on the side that they went above my pants.  I had a see-through black one, a see-through striped one a white see through one and assorted others in a drawer.  Mistress would make me show her friends what I was wearing by lifting up my shirt and the body suit would show when I bent over.  I was humiliated and that humiliation made me super horny.

So this morning I woke up with my hornniess at a level 10.  I put on my perfume, my pink yoga pants, and my white slutty camisole.   My head is spinning with ideas of how much I like being treated like a slutty nympho that is not allowed to cum.  I'm in heaven!

  

Orgasm Denial Thoughts

Last night I made a bit of a confession to Mistress.  I confessed that I have been downplaying the level of horniness I am experiencing.  While I have certainly been saying that I am a desperate mess, those words don't necessarily man anything.

The longer I go into my orgasm denial period, I become more and more obsessed with deeper and darker things.  I am almost constantly fantasizing about serving Mistress.  The more I serve her, the more bitchy and demanding she becomes of me.  As we move along, I fantasize about her requiring more and more of me.  I fantasize about her showing less patience with me and making me jump through increasingly difficult hoops just for the sake of making me do it.  She would be waited on hand and foot both in and out of the bedroom without any concern my my needs. She would have unlimited orgasms if I had my way.

I also fantasize about being restrained and confined in multiple ways.  Obviously, I am always to be  collared and locked in chastity.  However the hornier I get, the more I think about being caged, or hanging by my wrists from the ceiling in the basement.  I think about sleeping restrained, or in the strait jacket.  I fantasize being restrained in many of our dungeon devices for long periods of time.  I fantasize about daily beatings or having other pain inflicted on me.

My last overwhelming fantasy is that when Mistress isn't using me and abusing me, I spend the rest of my time at home heavily feminized and humiliated and feminized under my clothes when I leave the house.

To someone observing from the outside, my fantasies would look like I was in an abusive relationship with a brutal and uncaring tyrant.  This is where I can see how being mean to me is hard for Mistress.  The truth is that my submissive heart flutters (and my cock gets harder) at the thought of all of the above.  The appearance of my needs not being met would absolutely fulfill me.  There would be no downside to her being more demanding and cruel as I would communicate if there were any issues for me.  We could find a happy medium.   

As far as downplaying just how horny and desperate I am becoming, there are a few reasons for this.  The first is that I don't want Mistress to feel bad about denying me.  I fear that she will make me cum, with the intent of being nicer to me, when in fact I would prefer the teasing to be cruel and to intensify.  Another reason is that this level of horniness has so many hormones running through my system that I am becoming addicted to them.  I fear an orgasm would remove so many of the hormones that I would go through a sort of a withdrawal.  I tend to be a difficult person for a few days after I am allowed to orgasm.  If I am allowed to cum once a month, that means for 36 days a year, I am difficult to deal with.  Cumming every 60 days that's still 18 days or 2.5 weeks a year of being a shit.  Once every 90 days is still 12 days of difficulty.  I want to be a good slave to Mistress, and denial is a good way to achieve this.  Another reason is that I fear I will have to eat 70+ days of cum.  Just the thought of it makes me wince in disgust, but at the same time, my cock just got hard again.  Lastly, I don't want to cum because I know the first orgasm after a long denial period just ins't that great.  It's the one after the first orgasm that is mind-blowing.  It's like I need 2 to feel the full effect of experiencing an orgasm.

Regardless of when Mistress decides I will orgasm again, I hope that there will be no delay in locking me back up chastity.  I want all of my orgasms to be authorized and observed by Mistress.  I want to keep my goal of an entire year locked up regardless of how often I cum.  I want the fast recharging of my libido that only chastity can provide.  I want to feel the control and despair of having to go back into chastity when my libido has just been drained from me.  I want any physical pleasure that I receive to be because of Mistress.  I want my pleasure to come from pleasuring Mistress, and I don't want my thoughts of cumming to get in the way of taking care of her. 

Please leave a comment on your beliefs on orgasm denial and chastity.  Mistress sees all comments left here.  Thanks!



            

Random thoughts of an incredibly horny guy

The last couple days I wasn't feeling well, and with it my libido dropped quite a it.  Tuesday was my worst day and for a split second I had considered asking to be released from chastity, but I instantly knew that is not something I wanted.  Being locked in chastity when it's difficult and when I don't want it, is precisely when I need to be locked up.  That's when I really feel controlled.  Apparently this morning, I am feeling better as my libido came roaring back.

Yesterday was 6 weeks since my last orgasm and tomorrow will be 6 weeks straight that I have been locked in chastity.  Mistress is doing very well as far as keeping me locked up and not feeling any sort of pity for me.  I hope she is starting to see how good it is for me to be locked up at all times.  The other night she said '365 days bitch', in reference to my desire to be locked up 24/7/365.  Just her saying it and reminding me of it, made my cock get hard.

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Mistress has either started her period or will soon.  I had a standing order that whenever she was having her period I was to be locked in chastity.  Now that I am locked full time we need to come up with another reminder of her period.

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In just less than 4 weeks, I will need to go on a work trip.  I have created a way for me to be both locked in chastity and for my collar to be locked on even though I will be flying.  It will be the first time I will be locked in chastity while on a business trip and I am looking forward to it.

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Recently we watched a TV series and in it there were 4 big tough cowboys.  They came upon the hero of the show and a Native American boy.  They questioned the hero of the show as to his intentions and let him leave, but not before one of the cowboys spit on him.  The hero should have reacted, but knew that was exactly what they wanted.  He was emasculated and humiliated.  You can see these types of scenes in many movies and TV shows.  The common element is that a bully of some sort (male or female) does something mean to a person and the person has to suck it up.  The reason is twofold.  One is to assert their power over the other.  The 2nd is to get a reaction, so they can cause greater harm and feel justified with it.  The instigator in these scenes is a true mental sadist and you can see the pleasure they get from treating other this way.  Ever since seeing that scene I have fantasized about the concept in a D/s way.  I fantasize about Mistress spitting on me.  Either when I am tied up, or even worse if I wasn't tied up and was told to let the spit stay until it dried.  I think of the same thing with cum or other bodily fluids.  I think of Mistress shocking me with either the shocking dog collar or the Tazapper, not because of anything I have done, but to get a reaction and enforce her power over me.  Being locked in the cage for no reason or being made to stand in a corner or having to kneel 'just because' is a unique way to do this.  I love the sadistic cruelty in it and I love the idea of having to submit and suck it up.

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When I have been having my feminine fantasies, I have imagined more ways to be reminded of my feminine side.  I wear a masculine looking wedding ring, but have recently been thinking of a feminine wedding ring to wear around the house.  It's amazing how many feminine rings come in a size 10/11.

     
Mistress received a cheap necklace as a gift.  I tried it on yesterday and realize that in addition to it being a necklace, it can be connected in a way that it can be worn as a choker.  A very slutty choker.

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Since I am now locked in chastity and in my collar, I fantasize about other ways to make my body look 'owned'.  Nail polish is good on the nails, but not the skin.  Neither Mistress or I are tattoo people but I do fantasize about being permanently marked whether by tattoo, branding, another piercing, or scarring.  I doubt that will ever happen but I still fantasize about it.  We have some black henna dye that works pretty well.  Then there is always magic marker.

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Lastly, I don't have any reason where I MUST leave the house for nearly a month.  The ideas that go through my mind thinking of being a house slave for Mistress make my head spin.




If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

Getting desperate

As of this morning I have been locked in chastity for a full week.  I hate to admit it's going much better than I anticipated.  I want to touch myself and I can't, not even for a second.  The main thing I miss (besides being able to touch my cock) is wearing panties.  To avoid issues my device needs the support of men's underwear.  Being locked up is very much worth that minor inconvenience.

I am now a couple days shy of 4 weeks since my last full orgasm and  2.5 weeks since I was drained with a ruined orgasm. In the last 95 days I have only cum 3 times.

Between my cock being locked, Mistress calling me 'slave' occasionally (which I love), dressing feminine and having my orgasms heavily rationed, I am in heaven.  My head is spinning.  I am absolutely desperate for terrible treatment.  Or even sweet but humiliating treatment.  Or a major evening of servicing Mistress while I go without.  Anything really.  I can't explain it, I just know I yearn for it.

All of that being said, I don't have much time to post, so here are pictures of my mood today.

  

Desperation

I am getting to that really good part of being denied for so long.  It's been 5.5 weeks since my last orgasm.  The yearning.  Turning every thought or situation into something sexual.  Becoming desperate to be treated harshly.  Mmmm.

Mistress used me the other day and didn't let me cum, not that I wanted to.  I love her using me solely for her enjoyment.  Going back and forth between my cock, my fingers and my mouth, giving Mistress multiple orgasms.  I keep edging myself in her pussy and really, really want to physically cum even though I mentally don't.  

Because Mistress is using me so well, I am in heaven.  My desires are more for me being used than for Mistress to do anything to me.  But I surely have my desires to have things done to me as well.

Recent fantasies are as follows.

Mistress has me dress up.  I could be feminine or in men's clothes.  She ties me down and then cuts my clothes off of me.  I have a fair amount of men's clothes that I don't wear, and some that I do wear that I am pretty sure Mistress would like to throw away.  I imagine her cutting those off of me before torturing me. As we like to say, "2 birds".  I also imagine having to get dressed up in my women's clothes.  She would pick out my outfit, one that she doesn't like or is "too slutty" and cut it off of me after I am tied down.  

 Another fantasy is Mistress using me orally several times a day.  Not just in our bedroom but on the sofa, at one of our desks, on the stairs.  Anywhere she wants to have an orgasm.

I have a couple more fantasies that I'll write about over the next few days.  

   

Control

Yesterday morning Mistress and I were having early morning sex.  I was in my nighty while we were having sex.  It's pretty hot for me to be in my nighty when when we have sex.  It keeps my mind focused on pleasing her and reinforces my place in our relationship.  After Mistress had a couple orgasms Mistress ordered me to fuck her harder.  I thought this indicated that she was going to let me cum.  As I got close to the edge, I asked Mistress if I could cum.  I was on a perfect pace to fill her up with my cum when she said "no".  I had to stop moving my hips immediately.  She added that she didn't want to screw up her Sunday by having a difficult to deal with slave just because she let me have an orgasm.

Now she's getting it!

I have spent the better part of 6.5 years getting her to recognize the benefits of keeping me denied (Semen Retention).    At the same time she should be getting all the sex she wants from me as it keeps me engaged and helps me build stamina.  Also her pleasure should come first and second to my third.

It had only been a week since my last orgasm and the feeling was fresh in my mind.  All week I have really wanted another orgasm.  I was so ready to cum that I had considered just cumming and dealing with the consequences.  However my mind quickly went to the cage in the basement.  Even though I have only been locked in the cage a few times, it has an effect on my behavior.  I could imagine me spending at least a couple hours in the cage if not longer for an unauthorized orgasm.  I could also imagine other punishments for cumming after being told no.

At this point I realized that Mistress has the most control over me than she ever has.  I like that.  I dress feminine every week day and some weekends if we don't have anything going on.  I wear perfume that Mistress has chosen for me daily (no matter what I am wearing)  I wear my chastity device when told.  I have a collar locked around my neck 24/7 for months at a time unless it needs to come off for medical or security reasons.

While Mistress has more control over me than she ever has, I don't fear her.  I wish I did.  In a D/s context.  If I did, her control would be complete.

I frequently think of purposely disobeying Mistress so that I can be treated badly.  Even this morning I was tempted to edge myself and then confess to it.  I didn't, but I thought about it. I think about skipping my feminine dress one day to see if Mistress will punish me.  I sometimes get snarky, wishing that Mistress would call me out on it and truly punish me.

I fantasize of being punished to the point of truly begging it to stop.  When we play, Mistress will frequently ask me if I've had enough.  At some point I will say yes.  Not because I have hit a limit, but merely because I still have control at that point.  As I think about this am reminded of a quote from another Domme's blog.

So: A true submissive needs to feel they are helplessly under the control of a sadistic dominant. That they have zero power or influence. That is achieved by two things. 

(A) Punishments for infractions have to be truly feared by the sub. This is achieved by not stopping the punishment until the sub is and has been truly begging with all their heart for a few minutes for the punishment to stop. My lifestyle did not click into place until I started doing this 6 or 7 years ago. It is easy to judge when the begging has reached the truly heartfelt, and then you keep going for a while. You will not break or damage him. During the punishment, he will be begging and attempting to have you stop. After it, he will be in awe of you and want to worship you. Bind him so he cannot move, gag him and then apply the punishment. It may only need to be six HARD cane strokes, if he is begging with all his heart after the first. If he has marks on his butt for the rest of the day, he will love that. If the marks last 3 days, he will love it even more.

(B) The true submissive has to undergo things they really do not like. By this, it is reinforced that they have zero power or influence, that they are helplessly under the control of a sadistic dominant.  

All of this being said, we are heading down the right path.  Mistress is kind to me and treats me very well.  I love this.  However a part of me wants to truly fear her.  I want to be scared when I am tied up.  Truly not knowing what is going to happen to me.  I eventually want a true beating.

I want to beg to the point of tears. I want to be afraid that she will do things I don't want to have done to me.  I want her to be able to verbally tell me something and for her words to put fear into my heart.  This concept excites the hell out of me.  I want Mistress have absolute control of me.  

   

Locked, Plugged and Dressed

I sit at my desk this morning with my ass plugged and my cock locked in up in chastity.  Since it is now spring, I am wearing lace boy shorts, a white blouse, white skirt with a floral pattern and high 6" strappy pumps.  My head is spinning with desire.  If there was any way to stroke my cock right now I don;t think I could resist the temptation.

On Sunday Mistress informed me that I would be locked in chastity along with having to wear a butt plug for 2 hours every day of her period.  I can see this becoming a monthly ritual and I hate to admit that I like it.  Having scheduled torments for to endure are a pretty hot idea.  Mistress can tease me days in advance that she will be starting her period and that I will be locked up and plugged soon.  All that I am missing is something phallic in my mouth :-)

I half woke up about 30 minutes before I got out of bed, tossing and turning hoping to go back to sleep.  With my cock straining against my device, I had no real hope of falling back to sleep.  My mind was racing with naughty thoughts.  I imagined Mistress making me dress up and take a ride in her car.  I imagined being locked in the cage to remind me of my place.  I imagined Mistress making me walk in these heels on our treadmill.

It's not been 67 days since my last orgasm.  My mind has been filled with extreme ways of making my next orgasm as unenjoyable as possible.   I imagine being edged and edged over again until I am bucking at my hips. I imagine just being allowed to dribble until I am dry.

If that happened I technically still wouldn't have had an orgasm.  I imagine Mistress making me cum, but not stopping stimulation until no matter how much I begged.

Lastly I fantasized about her making me clean very single drop up in as humiliating and disgusting way as possible.  Licking every drop off her body, especially after it has cooled and I have come down from the height of pleasure.  

I am certain that eating my cum after such a long denial period will be the worst part of it all.  It will also be the part I play back in my mind over and over again.  Some of the worst things ever done to me are the best!