Showing posts with label Conditioning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conditioning. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Early Submissive Thoughts - Very Early

It's quite common for our sexuality and kinks to have some sort of beginning in our youth, long before we know what sex is.  I am no exception.  My earliest memories are from the age around 4-5 when I loved playing cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, and any other childhood games that involved one party having control over the other.  While I would have no problem playing the cop or the robber, I preferred the robber so that handcuffs could be placed on me and I would be taken to jail.  


My friends had older sisters that could easily overpower me, especially when they worked together.  When they did it was intoxicating.  It wasn't sexual, at least I don't think it was.  It was something psychologically powerful to be controlled by these girls.

A large part of kids tying each other up is what happens once you are tied up.  It's human nature to mess with the one you have helpless.  To tease, tickle, or do things to them to get a reaction.

I remember my friend's twin sisters tying me and him up and putting makeup on us against our wishes.  I don't remember if I liked it then but it's one of my kinks now.

As I got older and discovered masturbation I found what pushed my sexual buttons.  One of my strongest memories from when I was around 11 or 12 is quite kinky for such a young age.  I was a late bloomer, so I was one of the smallest kids in my class.  I was shorter than 99% of my class including the girls.  One of the girls in my class was the tallest.  She was blonde, her parents had a large ranch and they had more money than my family.  I imagined she would be having a weekend slumber party with a bunch of girls from my class.  I would be the only boy invited to the party.  As soon as there were no parents around they would surround me and restrain me.  They would put me underneath the outhouse so when any of them had to pee, they would pee on me and laugh about it.  They would make me clean the barn and have turns spanking me.  I have no idea why this was a thing so early on in life.

When I was around 13, I discovered a dirty magazine in my Grandfather's bathroom.  There was one article that I remember, and it's because it's disgusting, but also mesmerizing.  The article involved a switch couple that liked piss play.  They would each pee into a bucket to have supplies for their games.  They would take turns tying each other up with restraints, gags, and blindfolds soaked in their piss so that whichever one was the bottom for that scene was covered in piss.  Again, no idea why this one thing sticks in my mind.  I am not into piss play so it's interesting that I still recall this.

Some other things that spoke to me when I was a kid even though I had no idea what kink was.

Wonder Woman and her Lasso of Truth along with her amazing outfit made me appreciate a strong and powerful woman.


The movie 9-5 where (I was 11) when the boss is tied up and kept hostage by 3 women in his office.  




Any movie or TV show with a woman tied up and gagged.  I wish there had been more men tied up in those shows, but that was the way the world was back then.

Penthouse Forum.  My dad had a couple of Penthouse magazines as did my friend’s dads.  My friends spent all their time looking at the naked women.  I did as well, but focused my attention on the Forum letters, especially with ones that involved some sort of bondage and/or power exchange.

Big hair, lots of makeup, tight clothes, high heels and short skirts were part of the popular culture of my youth. All of those things play a huge part in my fetishes. 

I was into being tied up and tied myself up a lot as a child and young adult.

I lost my virginity to a girl younger than me with a lot more experience than me.  She pretty much took it from me and I was very ok with that  

By the time I hit 18, my sexuality was pretty much set as someone who likes strong females who know what they want, know how to get it, and don't mind controlling men.  

It’s amazing to me how much our youth factors into our sexuality as an adult.

What are your earlier or more vivid memories of your childhood in relation to your sexuality now?




Sunday, August 20, 2023

Thinking The Unthinkable - continued

Forced-Bi

Gotcha!  Forced Bi is still a hard limit for me.  I love playing with butt plugs and dildos.  I love having my ass penetrated and I love the humiliation of sucking on them. However, the rest of the male body and male attitude does nothing for me (not even my own).  While I am not into guys, I am super impressed with how creative and mean gay Masters can be.  I don’t ever fantasize about it a bisexual encounter, but it’s so common in the Femdom kink world I do consider how quite a few men end up in forced-bi situations.  Due to how I was brought up I believe I would have a hard time dealing with it if it did happen. That being said, I do believe that this is a hard limit that could be exceeded with the right circumstances.  I don't like the term 'forced'.  I prefer the term coerced.  Every one of my limits has been expanded with practice and being coerced to go just a little bit further than my perceived limit.  I don't see why this would be any different with enough time and patience and persistence.

I’m a huge believer in conditioning of the mind especially when it aligns with existing kinks. I don’t see it as a stretch that if Mistress wanted to me see with a man and was set on making it happen, it would, with the right training and conditioning.  Normalizing the concept in my head.

It would start with chastity. The longer I go without cumming the more my defenses get lowered. Mistress would make sure I watched lots BDSM porn that pushes my buttons but instead of Femdom it would be gay BDSM, trans or forced-bi BDSM.  

Mistress would make sure I spent hours almost every day with something in my ass, and have me practice giving head to dildos. Both sweet soft blowjobs to deep-throating without gagging. 

Mistress would often blindfold me and tie me to the bed. She would tease and deny me to keep me ramped up. She would tell me what her plans were for me and tease me about how much she would love it. She would make me repeat her plans for me so many times they become my words. She would force a dildo down my throat while stroking my cock or use the Hitachi on my cock cage. 



Mistress would use her strap-on with me. She would make me kneel and give her head as long as she wanted before making me bend over and making me beg to have her fuck me in the ass.  I could no longer call her Mistress but would have to call her Sir. 

Mistress would also make me post on gay online forums asking for advice and finding a gay Dom to assist in my training. Who better than a gay male Dom to know what to do?

After several months I imagine that my mind would be slowly accepting my fate. During our tease and denial sessions, Mistress would make me tell her stories and my thoughts. She’d make me say things like “I wish I could have a real cock in my mouth Mistress”. “Please Mistress, bring me a real cock” just to be able to have some stimulation.

At some point, I’d be tied to the bed. Mistress would have me teased to a frenzy. I’d be begging for a real cock and Mistress leaves the room. After a while, an attractive, naked man with a slightly above-average cock walks into the room and sits in a chair. I’m in shock. Mistress comes back to the bed. She’s now stroking my cock and asking me if I want a real cock. I look at the man and shake my head “No”, my eyes pleading. She tells me she won’t make me do anything.  I’m going to have to ask for it.  

She keeps me on the edge driving me crazy. I keep begging to cum, but she says I’ll have to ask for his cock before she’ll let me cum. 

I refuse. She then offers, how about I meet you in the middle?  If you’re not ready to suck his cock, how about I let him suck your cock until you cum?  Then he’ll leave. That seems like a fair trade doesn’t it?  

At this point I am so worked up and am relieved I won’t have to suck this guy's cock. I reluctantly agree. The guy gets up and comes over to me. He places his naked body in between my legs and starts expertly stroking my cock. I moan. He alternates between stroking my cock and sucking on it. Mistress sits on one side of the bed by my face and looks into my eyes with a devious smile. I ask her to let me cum. She says it’s not up to her. It’s up to my new gay Master.

He then tells me he’s an expert at edging and can break me. He keeps me on the edge and asks if I want him to stop. I do want him to stop but want to cum even more.  I ask him to please keep stroking me and to let me cum. He maneuvers his body around so that his mouth is over my cock and his cock is over my head a few inches from my mouth. He tells me he will let me cum if I just kiss his cock as brings me to the edge again. At this point, I’m a mess. I’m this far in and it’s just a quick kiss to get an orgasm. I give his cock a quick peck. He says “See, that wasn’t so bad” and he takes my cock in his mouth again. As I feel an orgasm starting he stops. He says “I’ve changed my mind. I want you to reach up and hold my cock in your mouth while I get you off.”  I relent. I lift my head to place his cock in my mouth.  He says, “Good job my little sissy”  I look over and see Mistress smiling, knowing that her training has paid off.

He again starts sucking my cock again. As he brings me to the edge he stops again. He tells me that he will now get me off if I want, but he will time the strokes of his mouth to the strokes of my mouth. If I want him to go faster on my cock I’ll have to go faster on his cock. 

At this point, I’m too far gone. I go to town on his cock. He lowers his hips so that I am taking him deeper into my mouth and I speed up my pace sucking his cock. He speeds up his pace sucking on my cock. I was so close to the edge that I should be cumming by now but I’m not, I’m still riding on the edge. I notice that the faster he goes, the less stimulation he gives me. He’s edging me and not letting me cum!  

I moan in frustration at my predicament. He raises his hips and takes his cock out of my mouth. He says, “Have something to say sissy?” I reply, “Please let me cum.”  He says “Please let me cum, what?”  I say “Please let me cum, Sir”.  He says "Beg for my cock in your mouth and I’ll finish what I started." He starts sucking my cock again keeps pushing me to the edge and stopping each time he senses me getting too close to an orgasm.  

I give up in desperation. “Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!” He tells me to repeat it until he’s convinced I really want it. 

“Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!”

“Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!”

“Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!”

He looks over at Mistress and tells her “I told you I could get him to beg for my cock”. She laughs and tells me “Open your mouth you little slut”. 

As I open my mouth, he lowers his cock into my mouth and presses his hips against my face. His cock goes to the back of my throat. If Mistress hadn’t spent months with my deep throat training I’d be choking right now. Instead, I relax my throat and focus on not choking and the amazing blow job I am getting. My eyes are watering as he puts additional suction on my cock. I feel the orgasm starting to erupt after months of denial. I try to scream out as I can feel my prostate release but my scream is blocked by his cock. As my body shudders and cum starts shooting out of my cock, he pulls his cock out of my mouth.  I gasp for air and scream in ecstasy.  Then I realize he's not stopping.  He's still sucking my dick and I start screaming due to the over-stimulation. Fuck!  Post-orgasm torture. I squirm and beg while he says "I am in control sissy.  Next time you shouldn't fight it so hard".  All I can think at this point is at least he didn’t make me swallow his load.





He finally stops and I catch my breath.  I'm not prepared for what happens next.  The man walks over to Mistress and tells her to kneel.  She drops to the floor and kneels in front of his cock.  He tells her to suck it and make him cum.  I am in shock.  Mistress would never let me talk to her like that.  While she goes to town on his cock he tells me that he is the guy she has been fucking on her dates.  He tells me that occasionally she likes to give up control, but she wants a dominant man and not a submissive sissy pretending to be dominant with her.  



He grabs her hair and forces her head deeper onto his cock.  I'm even more in shock. She seems to be liking this treatment.  His eyes roll back into his head as he starts to cum.  Mistress eagerly sucks every drop from his cock just like he did to me.  He releases his hold on her and as she dries her lips with her hands, she looks at me like the cat that ate the canary.  She says, "I told you I would get you to take a cock without forcing you to do it".  

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Addicted to Denial

As I approach 7 straight weeks of being locked in chastity I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my chastity journey. I got my first device almost 20 years ago. For many years I hated chastity because my partner(s) we’re not overly involved with it. I also disliked it because I never really found a device that fit and was comfortable for long term wear including a super expensive custom device.  Here is what is running through my mind.

A shorter/smaller device is better. A lot of guys get a device thinking that it has to accommodate an erection. It does not. 99% of the time a guy is not hard.  A larger device just gets in the way of normal day to day life.  My current device cost less than $30 and is the best device I own for comfort and long term wear. For the last 7 weeks I have ridden my bike, been camping, gone hiking,  worked on vehicles and worked in the yard in 95-degree heat all without any issues.  I actually have a much, much smaller device that I want to endure for a few days but haven’t had the guts. Chastity doesn’t always have to be comfortable 😈

I was going back through my chastity logs. It turns out I am rarely in chastity in the summer months. This has likely been due to me not really having the right device. Trying to ride a bike or working around the house in the summer heat was always a challenge. Now my device is so comfortable and I’m so conditioned to wearing it that I often forget it’s there. I’ve worn my device so much this year that when I was unlocked it felt unnatural. I kept reaching into my pants to make adjustments and realized I wasn’t wearing it.

Much like one gets used to wearing glasses, a nightguard, a retainer a knee brace or some other device on their body I have gotten used to this.  I’ve worn a night guard for many years and wish I didn’t have to, but if I want to keep my teeth I have to. The same with chastity.  I want to give Mistress 100% control of not only my orgasms but also any pleasure I might receive.  I want to her to have absolute control over my cock and a device is the only way to do that.

Reading some other chastity aficionado's websites it seems that long term chastity and denial increases the same drugs in the brain as falling in love.  Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins increase and swim around in my brain giving me a sensual all-day buzz.  I’ve become addicted to these chemicals and really fear accidentally cumming or being forced to cum and losing the buzz. That’s why I’m dedicated to pleasuring Mistress while I stay frustrated and denied.

That’s enough for today. I have to get to work.


Not me, but a picture of the same device I have but haven't worn, it's about 1 inch long.

Another microdevice getting good reviews called "the nub"





Sunday, January 28, 2018

Flipping Switches

I love it when Mistress gets inside my brain and flips a few kinky switches.  She did it to me yesterday, announcing that I would soon have my toenails painted again, be sleeping in nighties and be dressing feminine around the house again.

It's amazing how so few words can have such a large impact on me.  I realized just how many things flip a switch in me.  A spray of perfume in the morning.  Each time I feel or see my collar locked around my neck.  Seeing my toenails painted.  Feeling or seeing my chastity device. Feeling my hole tighten around a butt plug. Mistress ordering me to refill her glass.  Being naked when Mistress is dressed.  Panties.  Mistress doing anything to my nipples.  Knowing how easy I have made it for Mistress to cane my ass.  When Mistress talks about putting me in the cage.  When Mistress tells me she masturbated.  When I come across a picture of myself in a compromising situation.  When Mistress gives me an order or task.  When Mistress calls me bitch or other term.  When Mistress doesn't use please and thank you when telling me to do something.  When Mistress taunts me about being taken out dressed in public.  Seeing bruises on my body.  Feeling pain for days after a scene.

The list goes on and on. It’s surprising, how little comments can blow up so big in my submissive mind. At some point they can become a real mindfuck and I love a good mindfuck.



Monday, January 22, 2018

Let The Beatings Begin

I have to start this post with a quick comment.  The perfume Mistress bought for me and makes me wear every day, is an addictive drug to me.  I had zero libido when I woke up this morning and within 15 seconds of spraying on my perfume, I became super aroused and consumed with submissive and feminine thoughts.  My perfume gives me a buzz and is highly effective on my brain.  I can see using it in scenes as well as day-to-day use.  Now on to the topic of the day.

We have commenced on our journey of me receiving a caning almost every day.  We started Friday afternoon.  I was lying face down across the bed side-to-side so Mistress doesn't have to reach.  My hands were restrained straight out in front of me and my ankles restrained on the other side of the bed.  Mistress gave me 10 very tentative swats and about 2 of those was an 8 or higher.  She then released me and we went about our business.  I had some nice warmth from the swats, but soon forgot about them.  Mistress indicated that she didn't have a good angle and that was a lot of the reason that she wasn't able to hit me well.  We went out that afternoon and when we got home, Mistress wanted to see the marks she left.  There weren't any.  She wasn't happy about that and I had fun telling her she must not have hit me hard enough.

I believe for this plan to work, it has to be as simple and quick as possible for Mistress to administer. So on Saturday I made some adjustments.  I placed a couple pillows under my hips to raise my ass to make a better target.  I turned my body in the opposite direction because Mistress is right handed and this angle should make her more accurate.  I restrain myself as much as possible to make things easier for Mistress.  These hits came much stronger than the previous ones did.  Mistress hit me 5 times and 4 of them were substantial, but she stopped after 5 hits.  She untied me and we went about our day.  I could feel these longer than the ones from the day prior.  That night before bed Mistress inspected my ass.  She says there was a mark, but I couldn't see it.  I believe that me being bruised is an important part of this ritual and I think Mistress would agree.

As I slept that night I was consumed with thoughts on caning.  I was drifting in and out of sleep from 4-7 am where I couldn't stop thinking about caning.  The research I had been doing about caning certainly played into my thoughts.  Yesterday I asked Mistress if we could have our next caning session last longer.  I am hoping to get Mistress at a comfort level of hitting me safely, but soundly.  I asked her to take her time and to practice for a while on me.  5-10 hits once a day are not going to be a good training experience for either of us.  I also asked for her to not stop until I safe-worded.  She can go as long as she wants after I safe-word as my safe-word is merely a request and I will certainly use it too soon.  However, I would really like her to not stop before then.

I'll know we are at a good point when there is a day that she tells me to prepare for a caning and I hesitate due to fear.  That will make this part of our D/s lifestyle very, very real.  I yearn to fear her.

Since I have been doing so much research, I will leave some observations here.
  • There are a million ways to do this, so no one way is 'the way'.
  • Hitting with no warm up is called 'cold caning' and is much more painful.
  • Warming up allows harder hitting. 
  • Some will hit 3-5 times in rapid succession before the first hit even registers in the brain.
  • Others will hit light many, many times, in between hard hits, and will only count the hard ones as actual hits.
  • Lecturing during a caning is kind of hot.
  • So is stopping and encouraging the slave to take more for his Mistress.
  • So is interrogating a slave during a caning.
  • A gag may be needed if Mistress hits me hard enough.
  • Many of the caning videos and pictures I have found have the slave standing.  I believe I have come up with a good way to restrain me standing for whenever Mistress wants to try it.
  • The weight of the cane matters a great deal.  The one we are currently using is a heavy one and considered more brutal.  I will find the lighter ones we have so that Mistress can find her favorite.  I prefer a thuddy feeling to a stingy feeling.   
Below are 3 sections of a 15 minute caning session that I have the full video of.  The first one is more about the light fast ones that build up quickly.  One thing to note is that she takes lots of 30 second breaks to let him recover.  She also taunts him verbally quite a bit.  This cane looks much lighter than ours.
   

This one is more brutal.  I don't know how he doesn't make a noise.


This last one is where I'd like to end up some day, but I would be screaming if this were me.



I have a hunch I am going to regret this post one day.  As I replayed these snippets I realized this was a 100 stroke scene.  He received many more than 100, but 100 were the serious ones.  OUCH!

       

Monday, January 15, 2018

Yearning to be used

Mistress didn't use me this weekend.  We worked a bit too much and had other stuff going on, so the timing wasn't exactly great.  That doesn't mean that I wasn't ready, willing and able.  I fantasized about being directed to the bedroom to prepare a session for her pleasure.  Blinds draw, candles lit, towels down, a few toys out.  I would stay locked in my chastity device.  Whether I was dressed or not would depend on how Mistress was feeling. I would use my fingers, mouth, tongue and toys to give her as many orgasms as she wanted.  She may or may not tell me about how this is my new life.  Serving her sexually without any regard for my sexual pleasure.  She would tell me that her new goal is to condition my brain to equate her pleasure as my only reward.  At some point she would be spent, she would tell me that she was done with me and that I was to clean up and join her when I was finished cleaning up.  That is the fantasy that was going through my head all weekend.

That wasn't my only fantasy.  After 7 weeks with no orgasm and being in chastity the entire time, my mind is a blur of sexual thoughts and images.  Mistress smacking my balls, breath play, putting more and more bruises on my body, butt plugs, spending time in the cage, using the dildo gag on Mistress.  Getting my ass fucked with the electric butt plug. Going back to my feminization routine.  Painted nails.  Using the fucking machine on us both.  Mistress finding ways to use humiliation on me.  Nipple torture that makes my nipples hurt for days.  Panties, piss play, adding some protocols to our life., Smell training in addition to my perfume.  Being smothered by Mistress.  Being spit on.  Having the strap-on used on me and using the strap-on with Mistress when I am locked up.  Tasks, tasks and more tasks. Torture.  The list goes on and on.  My mind is a mess.

Lastly, there was a comment the other day from a slave that gets a daily maintenance spanking with a cane.  I can easily imagine implementing this in our life.  We have a cane that is perfect for something like this.  I can imagine how getting a caning every morning would set the tone for the day.  Sitting in my office chair with my ass burning from a dozen cane strokes.  Having bruises that never go away.  Trying to fall asleep at night. on a day I acted like a shit, knowing that the next morning will be brutal.  I googled the term, and I came up with a term I like better than a 'maintenance spanking'.   Another couple calls is a reassurance spanking.  Here is his definition. They’re disciplinary in style, but they’re not punishment. That’s why we decided on the term reassurance, because they’re intended to reassure her that I’m there to spank her when she needs, whether she actually needs it at that moment or not.

Regardless of what it's called, it's pretty hot to my submissive mind. 








       If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Wrecked

This morning I woke up with the lingering effects of a tease and torture session with Mistress last night.  Mistress and I went out with friends for happy hour and on our way home Mistress told me she was going to make me pay for recent transgressions.  When we got home, Mistress instructed me to put on some music and for me to take off my chastity device and clean up her cock.  While I did that, Mistress got out some implements for pleasure and for pain.  

As I was putting my restraints on, Mistress had me put the big rubber bands on my thighs.  I really wish I never introduced those evil rubber bands to her.  Once my restraints were on, Mistress tied me down spread-eagle to the bed and blindfolded me.  The first thing Mistress did was put her lips on her cock.  It had been so long since I have had any sensation on her cock, the sensation was kind of confusing, but it did feel good.  Next Mistress clamped my nipples with something but I wasn't sure if it was clothespins or clover clamps, but the first one she put on was just on the tip and it hurt for more than the one that had a bit more skin.  I tried to suck it up and deal with it but I had to ask her to reposition it which she did.  Mistress didn't leave them on very long and when she removed them the pain was intense.  Unfortunately I can't feel any residual pain this morning.  There is something very hot about having nipple pain for a day or 2 after a scene.

Mistress also put a glass dildo up my ass and held the Hitachi to it.  It seems like it was against my prostate. I thought for sure that I was going to have cum milked out of me or have an actual anal orgasm.  I think Mistress' goal was to have me leak enough to have something to eat, but I was able to resist.  I forget how much I love having something in my ass.  I feel like such a slut as I try to take it deeper.

The rest of our scene is a blur to me as I got super high off of the combination of happy hour drinks and the endorphins from her abuse.  For about an hour, Mistress edged me multiple times.  She also snapped the rubber bands multiple times of which I have some nice residual marks.  My balls were smacked multiple times while I got scolded for my recent attitude.  The worst part is that Mistress kept me from enjoying any part of her body.  I begged for kisses, or to taste her but she refused my requests.  As best as I can tell she didn't even pleasure herself.  

During this time we discussed a plan for correcting my recent attitude.  Mistress and I are now working together in a new business venture.  I have a lot of experience in this industry and Mistress is new.  I find myself getting frustrated and I end up speaking in a disrespectful manner as well as talking down to Mistress.  This is a behavior that I hate about myself and I seriously want it corrected.  Once the plan is formalized, I will post it here.  

When Mistress was done torturing me, she undid 2 of my limbs and went to the rest room.  I undid my right hand and proceeded to edge myself one more time before she got out of the bathroom.  She had me lock myself back in chastity and then had me clean the room.  While cleaning the room I had to try something out.  I was able to edge myself one more time by holding the Hitachi against my cock cage.  We might have to disable the Hitachi 😊  



The rest of the night I was an absolute mess.  The bondage, the pain, and the edging left me in a hyper sexualized state.  I kept feeling the urge to grab her cock and get myself off, but I couldn't due to the device locked on my cock.  I don't think I will ever be unlocked again.  

We proceeded to discuss the plan to correct my misbehavior while working together.  I assured her this is something I not only want, but I need.  I have agreed that whatever she needs to do me I will accept.  I want to be owned and I cannot be owned if I treat her this way.  I said I doubted her resolve to do this.  Mistress assured me that she did, so long as I was serious about changing.  Mistress commented that she will start making me kneel when I get out of line.  That's probably one of the hottest things she has ever said to me.  Mistress isn't a big fan of kneeling but I now believe she sees how it can 'take me down a notch' and put her in a superior position.





As I was waking up this morning, I was still feeling the powerful effects last night.  I am so horny and desperate, it's making my head spin.  I so want to touch Mistress' locked cock.  I so want to service Mistress all day long with massages, painting her toenails and by giving her orgasms.  I so want to be dressed up as a little whore sissy.  I so want to be locked in a straight jacket and put away for the day.  I so want to have my current state used to push me further into submission.  I am wrecked and I love it.  

           

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Chastity. Device vs. No Device

I have been locked in chastity now for 36 days.  Out of those 36 days I have been out of chastity for about a total of 1 hour for Mistress to use her cock.  That's 864 hours that I have been locked with one hour of freedom.  This is a record for me as far as continuous wearing of a device.

It's been 38 days since I have had an orgasm.  That's my 4th longest orgasm free period in my life and a bit more than half way to a new record of denial.

This recent experience has reshaped my ideas on chastity devices.  Here is a synopsis.

Chasity without a device.  I have gone long periods of denial without a device.  As I have stated previously, I am pretty reliable when it comes to the honor system.  But even 99% reliable is still for 3-4 unauthorized orgasms a year or a 25% failure rate if allowed to orgasm 12 times a year.  Without a device, denial without some sort of constant reminder, becomes easy to forget.  It's easy to feel asexual instead of hyper sexual.  Without a device I am occasionally tempted to touch myself, especially when I am in bed alone after Mistress has already gotten up or when Mistress leaves the house for work.  While I do my best to avoid an unauthorized orgasm I sometimes go too far and end up with a ruined orgasm.  I know for a fact that I would have edged myself on at least 4 different occasions over the last 36 days if I were not locked up.  I would also be highly tempted to masturbate as soon as possible after a long denial period or a ruined orgasm.  One benefit of not wearing a device is that my wardrobe choices are unlimited.  Sexual spontaneity is another plus for not wearing a device.

Chastity with a device.  Now that I have fully submitted to the idea of wearing a device I can be a lot more candid about it.  First off, a device makes me hyper sexual.  I cannot stop thinking about my situation.  From the second I wake up, to using the rest room, to bathing, to dressing, to sitting, to standing, to driving, to shopping, to going out with friends, to staying at home and watching TV, to sleeping, there is barely a minute that goes by that I don't feel sexually submissive.  The accommodations I have to make, makes it certain that I cannot forget that I am a chastity slave.  I cannot absentmindedly touch myself, therefore any sensation my cock gets, can only be because Mistress allows it.  Just yesterday morning, Mistress was out of bed before me.  Without thinking, I reached down to give my cock a little squeeze.  Instead of the feeling I was expecting, my hand grabbed my device.  My brain was confused for a split second as the expected sensation wasn't there.  Instead of a physical sexual response, I ended up with a mental submissive/slave response.  I groaned in frustration while at the same time being highly satisfied that I was locked up and under Mistress' control.

I can also not discount the mind-fuck aspect of being locked in chastity.  Last weekend Mistress and I were out and we ran into a woman that we knew from our circle of friends.  We were chatting and she joked and asked us if we wanted a threesome with her.  It may not have been a joke, as we strongly believe that she has been in a couple of threesomes with other couples we know.  While I might fantasize about being in a threesome, the biggest thrill I got out of it was being propositioned for a threesome while being locked in chastity.  If she only knew.

Another mind-fuck aspect is being locked when Mistress and I are not getting along.  It's hard to have the upper hand in an argument when she holds the hey to your cock.

I cannot be trusted on the honor system if total control is what Mistress wants.  While I strive for denial and can achieve it, I don't have enough self control.  While edging on my own and having an accident can likely be forgiven, my biggest chastity crime cannot.  When I am granted an orgasm after long denial periods, Mistress feels generous and will let me stay unlocked for a period of time.  Overnight or even a few days.  This is actually the most dangerous time to let me out.  After a long denial period and especially after a ruined orgasm I am at my most disobedient.  I will sometime purposely give myself a quick, full, satisfying orgasm.  Being locked up immediately after an orgasm does 2 things.  It keeps me from cheating and it gets me ramped back up much faster.     

For those Mistresses that want to completely own their slave, I am of the opinion that a device is necessary.  Even if your slave is 100% honest and chaste, a device makes being chaste a 110% situation.  You can always unlock your slave every day for teasing or for pleasing, and lock him right back up. 



Here's a question for those reading this post.  How do you feel about chastity devices and what other aspects of being chaste can you expand on?         

  

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Behavior Modification

The other night I had a dream about our D/s lifestyle.  I was going to write about it yesterday, but by the time I got home my libido was worn off and I didn't have the guts to do it.  This morning, I am in an extra state of horniness and my perfume has amplified it, so now I an recount my dream.

In my dream Mistress has me sitting on the floor in front of our couch.  I don't know if I am sitting or if I am keeling.  Mistress alternates between walking around me lecturing me and sitting on the couch looking me in the eyes.

She says something to the effect of "you need more control in your life and I am going to give it to you.  I am going to use my position over you to change your behavior.  I am going to start with 3 behavior modifications, but don't worry, it will be many more than that very soon."

She continues, "the first thing we are going to change is your foul mouth.  Starting now you are forbidden from swearing.  I don't really care whether you swear or not, but this is about control.  I want you thinking at all times to be careful what comes out of your mouth.  Anytime you swear, you will be punished.  If you swear and use a derogatory word for a woman, you will be punished in a much more extreme fashion.  Male slaves don't get to call women names."  Apparently me being called out by Mistress for calling a bad woman driver a twat got into my dreams.


She continued with her speech.  "The 2nd behavior we are going to change is your driving.  I am no longer going to beg and plead with you to drive in a manner that doesn't scare me.  Starting today, when I tell you to drive safer you will not talk back and you will immediately change the way you are driving.  Your driving often scares me.  If you try to drive that way any more, it's you who will be scared and fearful."

"Lastly we are going to change how much you drink.  I am not anti-alcohol, this is again about my control over you.  Starting today, you will ask for permission to drink any alcohol.  This includes when we go out.  You will also ask for permission any time you would like a refill.  Expect me to say 'no' often.  Expect me to let you have one or 2 and then no more.  Expect me to have you serve me wine while you are forbidden to drink anything.  The best part is that we will use D/s to make you healthier."

The dream has one more element to it, but it kept changing as I had the dream.  Mistress told me that I would be wearing a uniform around the house at all times.  The uniform started as something you would expect a guy to wear in gym class or basic training.  A white shirt, white shorts white socks and tennis shoes.  It was meant to signify my training.  The other outfit was a maids dress, but not the kind one would fantasize about.  It was meant to signify my service to her in a non-sexual way.


Mistress also told me that I am to wear a pink collar with a bell on it whenever I am home to remind both her and me of my place in our relationship.  



I awoke from the dream aroused but confused.  The dream was completely non-sexual.  There was no real D/s element to it other than what was threatened.  I am certain the arousal came from the control aspect of it since it was not really sexual in any way.  It's also possible the arousal was due to my chastity device that has not been removed for nearly a week, and that was just to change devices.  

As I tried to fall back to sleep, my mind raced with the thought of Mistress implementing these changes or others she may have up her sleeve.  The idea of using my submissiveness to her (and our) benefit is hot.  Changing some of my core behaviors to make them less annoying to her or even non-existent is a submissive man's dream.  Or at least this submissive man's dream.     


       
If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 


Friday, December 8, 2017

Posts and/or Quotes that speak to me.

Mistress recently told me that if I link to another page, she generally doesn't go to the link.  So I went though many of the links I have done in the past and put them below.  Some are basic one liners that make my cock hard, others are more in depth and go deeper into my psyche.



He wants you to be his QUEEN, so go ahead and be one.



Do things without particular reason, use your sub in ways you never thought about before. Feel the power, let him feel the loss of it.



Make sure you are served well whenever you feel like being served.






If you are just indulging in your husbands fantasies, and not really taking control by pushing your man into doing uncomfortable things, then you are really again, just being controlled by him.

In order for female dominance to become real, you must make it real, by forcing him to do things that he does not want to do. You will either be done with all of this, or you will have the breakthrough, where you truly have brought your man to his knees in full servitude to you for the rest of your life.

Consider it like breaking a horse or training a dog. Men are no different. They can be trained to submit to your will on all matters but you do have to “break him”.



Take him, break him, mold him, and have a relationship with him, that few ever get to experience.  A relationship that puts you on a pedestal, with him serving you as you wish.  Imagine a relationship, where chores are the mans job, (unless you want to help), orgasms are an obligation for the men to give, and a privilege for him to be granted rarely for exceptional servitude.

This is your world now. You are dominant, and your man is your submissive. He asked for this, but he didn’t realize what it meant. Too bad.



You are now the dominant goddess of the house. What you say goes, is what goes. There are no exceptions. What you want is what you get… Be disciplined with yourself, and do not do things that contradict your dominance.



How nice is it to have an unpaid servant who’s glad to serve you? That is the premise and the promise of a Femdom relationship.






When it comes to chastity, you are not punishing your man - you are protecting him from his perfectly normal lack of self-control.  You are not denying him sexual pleasure. In fact, when you do release him from his male chastity belt, sex will feel better for him and his orgasms will become much more intense.  You are not denying yourself the sex life you deserve. While he’s locked up he’ll use his mouth and fingers to provide you with sexual satisfaction on a regular basis. And, there are ways that you have satisfying penetrative sex while he is still under lock and key…



When done correctly, your man will feel more loved by you than he did before male chastity became a part of your life. In fact, most men eventually thank their wives for insisting on the lifestyle.  While at first you’ll only keep him locked up for a few days at a time, eventually he should be restricted to eight to 12 orgasms a year. This is more than enough.  Over time he’ll start to feel like more of a man, because he’ll know that all of his sexual energy is going towards pleasing you. He’ll like the fact that he no longer feels like a little boy who can’t control himself when you are not looking. Instead, he will be saving himself for you…



Punishments are a very effective tool in a FLR. In fact, I would say a punishment is very powerful when done right. Punishing your husband is essential for keeping the FLR strong. When you administer a punishment, it lets him know there are consequences for bad behavior and it also brings a fierce reality to his submission to you. When he faces the consequences doled out by you, it sends a clear message that this is not all fantasy and that you have authority over him. In my opinion, when you punish your husband and he accepts it, it has a real effect on his psyche which elevates your authority over him and pushes him deeper into submission to you. The ultimate outcome is a husband that is obedient and doing everything possible to make you happy.



Make sex more devotional with less penetrative intercourse. Use his tongue a lot. Just watch how his balls get bigger and bigger. Regularly, leave him frustrated. He’ll be more assertive, more attentive, more eager to please.





Intensifying - whichever action you take, request or carry out, each time you repeat it, intensify it a little bit.



He confesses that he feels humiliated on occasion as I use him for my pleasure leaving him with an engorged penis and my secretions covering his face as I just walk away.  But this dynamic makes him even harder, so I discount it.



Submissive men have a need to serve, they want to be trained, held accountable and punished for their mistakes. This is all part of having a female authority in their lives. And they need the relationship to be real, not some game, something she does just to please him. But men and women think differently and women have a hard time, especially in the beginning, understanding the needs of a submissive man. They tend project their own feelings and their way of thinking into the situation.  Too many women see themselves as mean, selfish, arrogant and cruel. So they struggle to take on the role of the female authority in a femdom marriage …Know this, we are not being mean or selfish or cruel, instead we are giving our men the gift of servitude. Which just happens to be exactly what they want and need.




Your Control over him - It comes in waves, it comes slowly. The best part of it is seeing your sub accepting it, adapting to it and finally handing it over, completely. Even better is seeing him starting to anticipate everything, your wishes, your needs, etc. Even better then that is hearing no complaints, no cry-outs for what he is lacking. And even better then that is the sense of rush hitting your brain every time you realize he will obey anything.



The best way to dominate your man is to make him do things you know he doesn’t want to do, both  in and out of the bedroom.



Male orgasm denial has numerous benefits, but do you know the chemical reasoning behind them? Endorphins, hormones, neurotransmitters, and neurochemicals (neurochemistry) affect how we ALL think and feel. By controlling your mans orgasms, you can control their brain chemicals and can condition (train) them.




Orgasm control is a powerful psychological aspect for a submissive man, and you too will learn to enjoy your teasing and control. It is another important power exchange with you controlling the single physical aspect of maleness that is maleness alone, a hard cock and orgasm at will.


You should orgasm much more than he does. That goes without question, his submissiveness definitely translates into you cumming more. You need to teach him how to orally please you better, and as often as you like.




The more I feminize him, the more submissive and pliable he becomes.  I love watching him do a long list of chores in his maid outfit while I watch my programs.




All I have to do is threaten taking my husband out in his feminine attire and his behavior dramatically gets better.



His smooth muscular chest was covered in a lace corset. His tan athletic shoulders were looming over his constricted waist. All of the places that I held him were covered and pinched. I hadn't realized how much I loved his male body until he dressed as a woman.



Then I pointed to a pink bra on the bed and told him to put it on. He looked at me surprised.  I told him firmly to put it on and not ask questions.



Making him wear panties while caged, was one of the hottest ideas we came up with. You have no idea how extinguishing for his male ego this is, it’s not just a good idea, it’s bullseye.



Back rubs, foot rubs, leg rubs, body massages, anything you think you might like you should try, and then do as much as you like. He loves every minutes of doing anything for you, especially if he is physically close to you.


The only thing standing in your way of having everything you dreamed is your own head. Take your man, boss him around, hurt him, be a bitch. Don’t think about it. Just do it. You will see what happens. He will become more obedient. He will automatically start doing the chores. He will ask you what you need.  He loves you, and wants you to own him. Deep down, he needs to feel loved, wanted, and being your sex toy for some reason, shows him this more than anything else you could do. Because truthfully, a true sub with a woman doesn’t care about the specifics if you do this right, or that you do that right. He cares about you telling him what to do, and him having to comply…



If you want roses, you get them…
If you want back rubs, you get them…
If you want an orgasm, you get it…
If you want to come home to a clean house, you get it…





You may want to put him through a number of tests to ensure he can serve you properly and in all ways. You could include both domestic and intimate tasks. These would test his abilities to maintain the home or bedroom, as well as making sure he can anticipate and satisfy you every need and desire.
You could see if he can provide sexual pleasure for extended periods neither seeking pleasure for himself nor succumbing to his own lust spontaneously, particularly if he has been placed in chastity.



Don’t be afraid to adjust the rules to meet current needs. As people grow, things change. A rule that once made sense, may no longer be required, or perhaps something that was once strict needs to become more lenient (or vice versa).



Once he has had a taste of bliss serving you, and if you work with him, and spend some time training him, and fulfill his needs, all of your dreams will come true.  Dream it, ask it, order him to make it come true, and watch him scramble to make it happen.



You might also wish to assert your Dominance of him by choosing his clothes and other attire. This can include another less obvious collar which could be worn under clothing, cock rings, and chastity devices.



Tell him what to do, and expect him to obey immediately, without question. Remember, if you want him to treat you like a Queen, you have to act like a Queen.



You give him his dream, you receive what most women dream about, unconditional surrender, attention, time and being placed at an invisible pedestal.



I am now thoroughly convinced that no man can be so devoted to a woman as a submissive man can. And lets face it, most women want just that, devotion.



Never take a NO for an answer, never tolerate excuses. Be on top of things all the time. Step by step, disallow whatever you see fit. Train him into unquestionable obedience and humility.



As a service-oriented submissive it is your duty to strive to make the dominants life less stressful and more enjoyable.



In a FLR, discipline is a very important part. Disciplining your male sub, whether it’s about physical or mental, should definitely be presented on daily basis. Real submissive men learn they roles quickly and practically, they do not need discipline to keep them in line. However, levels of submission highly depend on discipline, more precisely the type of discipline.





I therefore suggest, if you are a dominant, you make absolutely clear the pleasure you get from each and every slice of adversity to which you subject your submissive. You can’t be shy about being cruel, about being a sadist. You must be bold about this. Make sure some adversity is simply for your pleasure and nothing more. Your submissive will be further in awe of you if you do. Your submissive will feel even more helplessly under your power.




I highly recommend some type of daily  ritual where the sub is required to do something in a D/s context.  This ritual will help the submissive mentally transition into a true submissive role in the relationship.


A nice benefit of rituals is once a ritual is established, the submissive knows exactly what to do. The Dominant partner does not have to worry about giving commands (unless they are part of the ritual) or telling the submissive what to do.  We have a bath ritual that I just love.    I just have to whisper to him, "get my bath ready."




Kink is certainly are a part of the FLR for many people, including myself, but they are only a small piece of the overall FLR.  The FLR is more about a lifestyle decision to accept the woman as the lead.  It is about the male embracing his obedience to his wife and striving to please her.  Life does get in the way sometimes but in a healthy FLR the underlying dynamic of the FLR remains intact during those busy times. 






I find that regular sessions in our female led marriage keep him from becoming lazy or forgetting his chores and responsibilities.  If I wait too long between sessions, he tends to slack off a bit or become lazy.  It's like maintenance on your car.  You have to take your car in for regular maintenance in order to keep it running in top condition.  You could always skip maintenance but your car will not perform at its best and overtime a break down will occur.  Discipline sessions are what keep your husband serving you at his best and prevent a break down in the relationship from occurring.  With regular discipline you should have less need for punishment.




Once you have established a female led relationship based on previous lessons, body worship is the next step.  Body worship is not a sexual act.  Anything from massage to masturbation or from giving her a bath and washing her hair to painting her nails or helping her shave.  It's about her.



Free Time: how he spends his free time is up to you. If he has been obedient and done all his tasks, you can treat him to a limited time where he gets to do an activity. Make sure he negotiates with you and gives you options. You ultimately decide how he spends his free time. It is important that free time is revoked when he has not been 100% obedient or dutiful. Instead of free time he has then earned corner time when he’s not working for you.





Your husband wants an FLR. But he won’t be able to keep to it at first. It is hard to change habits and develop new habits. You will need something to exert absolute control over him.
In my experience, the best way to control your husband is to take control over his finances. Instruct him to have his paycheck paid into an account you and only you control. Next, have him hand over control of all his accounts bar one. Every month, you can write him a check he can deposit into this account. That way, the worse he performs, the less money he gets and the more he feels his dependency on you.




Rigorously adhering to a schedule of weekly discipline session for a submissive partner is very important.  At a scheduled time each week, you and your partner know that you will have him over your lap, over the back of a chair, or over the edge of the bed for an extended session with the cane or what ever tool you select. This is the session that will fix that laziness and it provides the opportunity for you to vent your frustration – like a discharge of built-up electrical power. When the frustration and irritation is gone the spanking ends, and not before. Whats important here is that this is not ’ play time’ and this is not for his pleasure. Spankings are meant to hurt as your partner is supposed to actually learn from  the lessons you try to teach him.



Man’s greatest motivating force is his desire to please Women… 





Yes.  I have Rules.  And Yes, you will obey them.
And Yes, you will love me for it.
Oh, Yes.



Forced Performances. This is very entertaining and again a low-effort humiliation. Sometimes I like to put on some music and have him dance for me. I’ll make him perform a little strip tease, twerk, etc. Sometimes I will have him masturbate for me. I’ll give directions. (these are great times for video recording)



Spitting. We’re getting a little more extreme here. Don’t be afraid to spit on your male. This can be especially degrading during pegging, even more so during deepthroat training. While he’s making eye contact, just launch a huge wad of spit right in his face. He’ll love you for it! It can also be degrading while you’re criticizing his performance to spit in his face.



He fucking hates this, which is why I love it. Any time he has an orgasm during any femdom activity, he’s eating it or its going on his face. I don’t care where it lands, how he came, if it was an accident, or if he really doesn’t want to. That cum is going in his mouth and down his throat. There are a lot of ways to accomplish this, but I really enjoy planning ahead for it. Its also a huge turn on for him, knowing that he’s going to be forced to eat it, even though immediately after he cums he’s absolutely repulsed by it. 



For added humiliation, I frequently take pictures and video of my pet during these humiliating sessions. I keep these and then use them later for additional humiliation. Seriously, having a video of him, with his face covered in his own semen, apologizing for not deepthroating my strapon well enough, all while dressed in daisy dukes and a bikini top….well that’s just good entertainment. Sometimes I make him watch some of the videos with me and laugh at him. It always results in a giant erection in his pants, haha.



Sunday, November 26, 2017

Yearning for things that used to have issues with.

When I was writing yesterday's post about playing with chastity for 18 years, I came to a realization.  For so many years I hated chastity unless it was 100% tied to a D/s scene.  I would be into it if I thought I was going to get tied up or if there was some teasing involved, etc.  Any time those things would drop off, or life would get in the way or even worse, I would would get in an argument with my Mistress, I would instantly hate chastity.

That has changed for me over the last few years.  Now I accept this is who I am.  Do I prefer to have chastity tied to something?  Sure.  Does it suck to be locked up and not have anything kinky going on in our lives?  Absolutely.  Being locked is now a part of me.  Not because I like the device, but because I like what it symbolizes, my surrender to being fully controlled by my Mistress.

There is nothing hotter than to know that not only is my next orgasm fully dependent on Mistress, but so is any sensation my cock gets.  Surrendering my cock and forgetting about what is in it for me is a true mind-fuck.  Knowing that life can interrupt us and I will likely stay locked makes me feel so owned.  I now see myself begging to stay locked, where just a few years ago, I would go out of my way to avoid being locked up.  That is a real change.

I have also realized how far I have come regarding feminization.  Every since I was 7 or 8, I had a thing for women's clothes.  Not so much wearing them, but admiring them to a point of wanting to see how they felt.  At around 10 or 12 years old my sister caught me trying on a pair of my mom's pantyhose.  She yelled out loud what I was doing and my parents heard.  I was made fun of.  Not in a mean way, but in the way a family pokes fun at each other.  I of course denied it and ever since then have been challenged by the shame that comes with having a fetish like this.

Through out my teenage years I would borrower an item from my mom's drawer or the drawer of a friends sister.  I would wear whatever item it was, masturbate and shame would wash over me as soon as I came.  I would return or throw away the item and swear to never do anything like that again.

When I started living by myself I was able to acquire a few items and would hide them in a drawer.  I would use them occasionally and hide them away.  At some point I would go a little more extreme and when I did, the shame would come back and then the purge.

I dated during these times and in my longer relationships, I would share this part of me.  For the most part it was tolerated in the bedroom and with a sexual connotation.  When any of those relationships would end, I would be horrified that my secret was out and I would purge the acquired feminine items yet again.  I generally would only partake in this part of me 1-2 times a year on average.

In my first marriage my wife was more supportive of this part of me, but it was always used in a D/s way.  I was treated in a slutty, trashy way.  Heavy makeup, forced exhibitionism, and verbal humiliation were the primary drivers.  I don't mean that in a negative way, it was fun.  There is definitely something about that kind of play that gets a guy like me going.

That relationship ended and I half purged.  Kink was used as an excuse by my ex to end the relationship.  I knew I wasn't going to change, but I also wanted to separate myself from the kink that was being used to end my marriage.  I put almost everything in storage.

That brings me to my current Mistress.  Shortly after meeting Mistress we knew each other pretty well on a sexual level.  I was too old to not be upfront about my proclivities, and confided in her most of my kinks.  The feminization part of me took a bit longer to reveal to her, and when I did, her eyes kind of lit up.  She had me get me feminine things out of storage.  She made me try on every item and show her how I looked.  She made me get rid of any of the items that were not flattering or classy enough for her.  She wanted me to look good and to feel good about dressing up.  That first year, Mistress really helped me accept that this is a part of me.  We had some amazing scenes with me fully feminized and I no longer had the shame after an orgasm.  So now that I accept and yearn to explore more and more of my feminine side, the idea of being treated like a whore adds an element of erotic humiliation.

Over the last few years, Mistress has helped me grow my wardrobe.  I am now comfortable for the most part dressing up.  I am not yet to a point where I would dress on my own on a daily basis without it being some sort of an order with consequences for disobeying.  The societal taboo of being dressed as a woman is still strong in me after all of these years.  I still need some sort of coercion.

In closing I am amazed at how much Mistress has helped me grow in my submission.  It's all because she is the best woman I have ever known.  She has helped me accept who I am.  She has loved me and encouraged me through my insecurities about being a submissive guy with feminization fantasies.  She has made things I would never consider (24/7 chastity, wearing perfume daily, shaving my armpits, etc.) a part of my daily life.  There is no way I could ever go back, even if I wanted to.  I am so in love with my Mistress.

                

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Self Control?

Yesterday I switched my chastity device out for one that has given me some skin irritation in the past.  I was hopeful that I was no longer allergic to the plastic used in the device as it is easily the best designed one I own.

Unfortunately I had a reaction.  I was going to put on another device but Mistress told me to give my cock a break, but no touching.  Bummer.

I realize how accustomed to being locked in chastity I have become.  That got me to thinking.  I have played with chastity for 17-18 years.  I loved the idea, but I hated it in practice, especially in my previous realtionship.  Mistress has made it so that I not only accept it, but that I yearn for it.  The same goes for cross dressing.  It's always been a fetish I had that I would indulge in 1-4 times a year and usually with great shame.  Clothes I had acquired would get thrown out after an orgasm and the insecurity that followed.  I would buy the cheapest clothes possible and looked terrible.  Mistress embraced my fetish, encouraged it, bought me nice things and made me invest in classy items.  I've worn a nighty nearly every night for years, including vacations.  We've made love with me dressed and I feel like her girlfriend when I am dressed.  Because of that I am much more comfortable in women's clothes and dare I say, I yearn for it.  So much that I now miss not wearing my heels, bra, inserts and other clothes.  I am also being conditioned to enjoy my ass being full.  I contemplated on whether my ass is to be plugged this morning as I was instructed to be plugged 'this week'.  I decided to not be a pushy bottom and express my confusion and look for further direction.  If I am to be plugged I can do it later today.

I was ready to spout off on all the other things I can imagine being conditioned to, but decided that is pushy bottom behavior and no longer allowed.

As I sit here writing,  I am wearing a yoga outfit that Mistress bought me a few years ago.  It's super comfortable and great for chilly mornings like today.  Normally I would just wear this, but with my level of horniness and my newfound affection for a bra and inserts, I am wearing a floral pattern bra with my extra large inserts.

Lastly, I am currently unlocked.  When I woke up I have every intention of locking myself up before heading downstairs.  As horny as I am I don't trust myself to not touch myself.  As I started to place the device on my cock I determined I should be able to obey Mistress without a device for at least a few hours.  I will try.  I so want to lean back in my office chair and stroke my cock and edge myself a few times with my mind running wild.  Or even just rubbing my cock through my yoga pants and panties like a girl.  Technically that's not touching myself, right? Not only have I not spilled a drop of cum in 2.5 weeks, I haven't even been close to the edge in that amount of time.  My cock is straining against my panties as I write this and consider my predicament.  Let's see how much self control I have until I am locked back up.