Friday, October 24, 2014

More on erotic humiliation

Last night Mistress got into my head telling me some of the things she wanted to do.  Paint my fingernails today in a neutral or clear shade.  I'm in such a mood I picked out one shade darker than clear. She also hinted I should buy something to wear to sleep in that will hold my breast forms.  I want her help picking what I should buy.  My 3 (in stock) choices are...  The last 2 need panties (or not)




Mistress also mentioned tying me up and torturing me one night while we have company.  She knows I wouldn't dare make a sound no matter what she was doing as I wouldn't want to arouse suspicion.  

This got me wondering about why I find some of this stuff so hot.  I think I found the answer in another blog.  Here are some excerpts.

For other people, it seems to be the powerlessness and the sense of helplessness or objectification associated with many types of humiliation play that really do it. I can understand this; on some visceral, irrational level, which has nothing I can see to do with anything in my past or any of my experiences, powerlessness (and, conversely, control) crank my motor. It's not associated with any kind of trauma while I was growing up; it has nothing to do with any past event, or with trying to work through problems in childhood; for whatever reason, a strong psychological control dynamic just gets me off. It's a purely irrational thing that in some ways is like what I imagine having a foot fetish or a crossdressing fetish to be like; something that makes no sense to a person who doesn't have it, something that has no logical reason; simply a quirk in the wiring or whatever that makes this particular stimulus really, really arousing.

When I am engaging in some kind of erotic scenario built around humiliation or shame, from either side but most especially from the receiving side, it exposes me emotionally to my partner in a way that nothing else I have experienced does. it strips away any emotional defense mechanisms I may have and lowers all of my emotional boundaries. The person you see when you see me i that context is me, undefended, completely exposed. As a tool for emotional intimacy, it can't be beat; there's no bullshit, no filtering any of my responses; what you see is what I am, completely unfiltered.

For that reason, I can't do humiliation play with a casual partner, or with a person I'm not in an intimate, stable, long-term relationship with. I use it precisely because the emotional vulnerability creates a vehicle for intimacy; for me, it's that, not the orgasm, that really matters. The fact that it gets me off is what makes me able to do it in the first place, because no doubt about it, that kind of vulnerability and emotional exposure can be pretty scary. The sexual aspect makes it fun, and puts it in a context where it's safe and supportive.

Wikipedia had some samples of erotic humiliation and I copied and pasted ones I have fantasized about.

Verbal humiliation
Animal play, making the submissive eat and drink from pet food and water bowls
Verbal belittlement, with such words as slave, boy, girl, missy, and pet.
Degrading names, such as slut, shit, bitch, and whore.
Requirement to ask permission for everyday activities, such as going to the toilet, spending money, and eating.
Forced repetition, such as the submissive being obliged to repeat commands that he or she has been given and to confirm them.
Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable.
Verbal teasing about their situation.

Physical humiliation
Ejaculation or spitting, on the submissive’s body, especially the face. (When I was a teenager I used to fantasize about the popular girls peeing on me)
Forced sexual degradation, including such acts as erotic massage, cunnilingus, analingus, and fellatio.
Real Humiliation as in the act of making a person carry out specific tasks which involve other people 
Specific rituals and affectations to be adopted. This includes displays of subservience, such as lighting cigarettes, walking a pace behind the dominant, speaking only when spoken to, kneeling or prostrating oneself in front of the dominant when expecting orders, eating only after others or on the floor, and low-status place to sleep.
Body worship, including such activities as kissing or licking the dominant's feet, boots, buttocks, anus, vulva, etc. to express acknowledgment, subservience, shame, and even positive emotions (such as happiness and excitement).
Depriving them of privacy
Dresscode (BDSM): prescriptions and proscriptions of clothing, even in public.
For men, forced feminizing, cross-dressing, nudity, cuffs. metal restraints.
Wearing of external signs of "ownership", such as collars.
Public humiliation
Erotic objectification, in which the submissive is used as human furniture, such as a footstool.
Forced masturbation in a humiliating manner
Embarrassing photographic or video assignments for submissives, who must publicly post pictures or videos of their humiliation. The dominant may require public acts or exposure. Sometimes humiliating words are written on the submissive's body before photographing.

I think that helps explain quite a few things for me.  I am glad I did a little research as it makes me feel a little less "weird".  I'm very luck to have found my true Mistress.


*** Source http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdhumiliation.html

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Half of me

Yesterday I made the comment "Half of me wants her to make me put on my nighty was soon as we start getting ready in bed.  The other half wants to not wear it at all or at least be able to put it on before I sneak under the covers."  

Mistress made sure the half of me that wanted it was rewarded was rewarded and the other half was humiliated.  I don't have much time to post today but I wanted to make sure I recognized what she did to me and that those kinds of things turn me on even though they humiliate me.  I love it (and hate it too) when Mistress pushes my buttons.  In the end the "love it" part of me always wins.

Hot pics for the day.









Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Feminine Thoughts Today

This morning I woke up in a very feminine mood today.  I'm not sure why.  It likely has something to do with Mistress forcing me in a nighty every night, in addition to the ads I get in my email every day.  Waking up and walking into our bathroom while I am still in my nighty is a humiliating turn on. Half of me wants her to make me put on my nighty was soon as we start getting ready in bed.  The other half wants to not wear it at all or at least be able to put it on before I sneak under the covers.  Having to be all feminine with the lights on, brushing teeth, etc. would certainly be erotic humiliation.  Hmm.

I've also been thinking about lipstick and lip balm, nail polish, high heels, perfume, mascara, wearing panties every day.  I like that Mistress seems to like my feminine side.  She has encouraged it which makes it something I don't hide as much as I used to.

Here is an ad I got in my email.  I like how they are having fun dressed the way they are.  From the company Homme Mystere.   http://www.hommemystere.com/






Unfortunately it's getting cold here, so to wear some of those outfits make me want to crank the heat up.  Either that or wear these.




Lastly, I have grown a little accustomed to the nighty, especially ones without cups in them.  I think of having to wear something with a little more of a reminder to it. A couple of these also can fit breast forms.  I can't imagine how I'd sleep if I had to wear forms.










Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Tease and Denial Fantasy While Plugged

I sit here plugged more than 2 hours and working on my 3rd hour task.  This is my first post since Mistress released me from chastity.  It was by far the longest I had been locked.  Mistress was nice enough to release me for 30 minutes to use me for her orgasm (as well as giving me one) and mean enough to lock me back up.

She has since been adamant about me wearing a nighty every night which I find kind of hot.  Hot because she wants to see me in it, not hot because I am wearing it.

Since I am posting I wanted to add the fantasy that has been running through my mind since I've been released.  It has Mistress tying me down and teasing the hell out of me.  Getting me close (or not even close) to the edge of cumming.  I imagine her doing it for hours and taking frequent breaks or going as far as to tying me down while she watches her programs.  I'd be blindfolded and possibly have headphones in.  Either way, she wouldn't let me cum.  She would do it until I was a sweaty mess of a man with tears in my eyes.  She would interrogate me about fantasies.  She would put suggestive ideas in my mind.  She would tease me about making me dress up in public or other humiliating things. She would make me agree to do things she knows I don't want to do.  Essentially she would break and destroy me by working me over so bad.

Here are some inspirational images.














Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Impressed

This title is based on how impressed I am with Mistress.  I would have bet money that she would have felt bad for me and let me out of chastity last night or this morning.  Quite the opposite. She ignored that I was in chastity completely.  That's not to say she ignored me being her submissive.  This morning she called me out on not wearing a nighty last night.  I thought for sure that she was going to bring it up and when she didn't I half thought she was letting it slide since I was in chastity, but I also considered she forgot and I that was getting away with something.  I certainly wasn't going to bring it up.  This morning she twisted the screws a little bit more and had me put on a feminine workout outfit.  It does humiliate me to dress this way in front of her.  I tried to say my chastity device wouldn't work with it (which I truly believed) but she insisted I try and it did.  Well played Mistress!

I have now found another way to hate chastity.  Not because of the discomfort, but because of the wicked stuff that goes through my mind when I am in it.  It's a good thing I am not a Dom, because I can come up with some terribly creative things to do to someone wired like me (grammar check thought I should change wired to weird).  I am going to avoid rambling through some of my ideas I have this morning as I don't want them to come back and haunt me later.

That all being said, this morning I found this post that is in line with recent quotes from other blogs.  This one is from bossymsbecky and the pictures are in her post as well.

Disciplinary Wives



The idea of spanking and other forms of punishment in the female-led relationship is to administer it when it is needed - then make up and forget the whole incident. Men are accepting it because it presents a never-failing alternative to quarreling. They know in advance that if they make a mistake they will be disciplined for it. The affair will be adjusted quickly and beneficially - they will be punished, and then promptly forgiven. The incident cannot wind up in a dangerous quarrel. Bitter words will not be said. In this way, every disagreement is effectively closed before it has time to ferment into serious discord.



A spanking hurts, of course. It has to hurt to be effective. But the hurt is temporary and beneficial - it gives the husband just the lesson he needs - and when it is over, the trouble is over.



Is discipline really helpful? There can be no question of it as long as the spanking hurts enough and the humiliation is severe enough to convey a good lesson. It causes the husband to think twice before repeating the offense! A whipping is good because of the humiliation it causes. Having to stretch out obediently and get ready for the punishment does the husband good. Before the paddle is applied a single time - before a single stroke of the strap is delivered - the discipline starts being effective and beneficial for this very reason!



If the husband is to be disciplined, he is often directed to go to the bedroom and get ready for the punishment. Many men will at that point start to plead, something that should never distract the wife. In the bedroom he should undress - then stretch out full length on the bed, face-downwards. Some women will require him to put a pillow under his waist. He must wait in this position, until his wife enters the room - whether she comes in immediately or keeps him waiting.



Some women use a wooden paddle only. Others employ a strap. But many implements are available to them, like a slipper, a hairbrush, a ruler, a wooden spoon and various belts. In addition various whips and crops may be purchased or made. The great majority of women use a variety of implements. Many wives require that these be placed ready for use when the man takes his disciplining position.



Most important thing to remember is: never feel sorry for your husband. He was the one who got himself into trouble and he should be grateful his wife is willing to put the time and energy into disciplining him - and to forgive him afterwards.


Monday, October 13, 2014

Challenged

Yesterday morning Mistress unlocked me.  I was only unlocked for about 30 minutes.  Long enough for us to have sex, recover and clean up.  It took all I had to lock myself back up due to the drop of libido after orgasm.  I contemplated not locking myself back up, but knew that I would be indicating to Mistress that I wasn't serious about submitting.  For her to take my submission seriously I have to do everything she asks and everything I ask her to do to me.  I have asked her to be meaner to me and she is starting to do that.  I need to keep encouraging her to me mean to me.  Even though I didn't want to be locked up so soon after my orgasm, I realize that in the last week, there is only a few hours of me doing something I didn't want to do.  Trading a few hours or a day of doing something I don't want to do is well worth all of the other hours of living in my submissive and horny mind.

That being said, I have earned an additional day in chastity.  Apparently Mistress was going to unlock me tonight however, I forgot to do a very basic task and she has told me I "have earned another day in chastity."   After a week now, the device is a little tedious.  I would gladly let her release me.  So while I want out, I love that Mistress is going to punish me with an additional day in my device.  This is an example of the "mean-ness" I have been yearning for.

Before I started writing this post, my libido was around a 3 or 4.  After reliving everything and putting my thoughts down, I am at an 8.  Apparently being used, locked up and punished does something for me.  Thank you for being my Mistress and making me suffer!

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Intrigued

I woke up early this morning.  Not because I was in chastity and a nighty, but because we went to bed relatively early and I can't shut off my mind.  The psychological part of chastity affects me way more than the physical part does.  I have now been marinating in Mistress' control for 122 hours. or 5 full days.

Yesterday Mistress and I had a lot going on. There was really no way for us to indulge in any play or intimacy.  We went to a friends house last night which made me much more aware of my situation than had we stayed home.  When we got home Mistress pulled out the key to my device.  She was going to let me out, so I could get some sleep and have sex this morning.  I asked her how that would look since I usually get up before her.  Apparently she didn't like that response so she put the key on her nightstand and didn't unlock me.  She made me put on my nighty and then told me she might not let me out at all and will just get herself off.  She said if she didn't do that, she would call me to our room when she woke up, she would have me fuck her and then she would lock me right back up. Now that I think back on it, she didn't say if I could cum, but after 5 days with no erotic stimulation I am sure I will be too sensitive to not cum.

The title of this blog post is "intrigued".  I'm intrigued to see where Mistress goes with this.  I so want to do anything and everything she tells me to, especially if it's something I don't want to do.  I am hers.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

New Record!

I have now been locked in chastity for over 98 hours straight.  This is the longest I have been locked since at least 2007 or longer.  It's the longest my Mistress has ever had me locked up and the longest I have been locked continuously in my steel device.  I'm actually proud of it.  It almost didn't happen.

Last night Mistress and I went to happy hour.  On the way home from happy hour we picked up some dinner. When we got home we changed into some clothes to relax in for the rest of the evening.  Mistress started digging around in our bathroom.  Sensing she was looking for the key I asked her what she was looking for.  She said "the key, you want out don't you?"  I'm curious what the expression was on my face.  I asked her if she had read my blog post and she said she hadn't yet.  I told her that I would prefer she reads yesterday's blog post and then she could decide if she wanted me out.  It was time for dinner so she relented and we went back downstairs.  We had our dinner and watched a little TV, and Mistress fell asleep watching one of our shows.  Now Mistress works crazy long hours and really doesn;t get enough sleep as it is so I let her sleep until our normal bedtime. She had me put on my nighty, and we went to bed with me locked up.  I don't know if she remembered or not that I was still locked up, nor did I care.  I'd gone this far and wanted to set a new record.

I slept pretty well actually.  There was one period in the evening I woke up and had some naughty thoughts before falling back to sleep.  Being the masochist that I am I thought up creative ways to decide when I get released.

  • Mistress decides when she decides.
  • Mistress waits for me to ask and then decides
  • Mistress waits for me to ask and then adds a certain amount of days
  • Mistress has me roll 1-3 dice after I lock myself up.  The outcome would be 1-18 days
  • Mistress has me flip a coin a certain number of times.  Each time it lands on heads is a day I am locked up.  Tails could be a plug.
  • Lock me up on one day.  Then we wait until the next powerball drawing and the lowest number would be how many more days I would be locked up.  Over the last 2 months the lowest number was 1 and the highest was 28.  Average was 8.
  • Have a bag with lots of blue marbles (say 30).  Then add a white marble for every chance I have of getting out that month (say 3).  Each night at bed time you make me reach into the bag and pull out a marble.  If I pull out a white, I get released.  If I pull out a blue I get another day of blue balls.
I'm sure there are many other ways but those were what came to mind in the middle of the night.

Lastly, I was thinking about how to pleasure Mistress while I stay locked.  Using my hands and fingers on her with lots and lots of lube. Teasing her until she tells me to put my fingers inside her.  Me waiting to put my fingers in her until she threatens to lock me up for a month.  Then I would pleasure her until she squirted over and over and was begging me to stop.  All the while, my cock would be locked up and safe.

All of that being said, I want Mistress to know I am doing well in chastity.  It's a different dynamic than I have ever had and I'm all for whatever she has in mind.  I might regret this, but I want to stay locked up until she has a use for my cock.  I'm not trying to be pushy I am just communication my feelings since I have spent 4 years saying how much I hate chastity.

I love you Mistress!    

Friday, October 10, 2014

Continued Thoughts

Last night Mistress indicated she might allow me out of chastity sometime today.  I was a little confused based on my post about her pushing me more, but since I have been known to be a pushy bottom I wanted to defer to her better judgment.  It turns out she hadn't yet read my post due to some email issues she was having.  Apparently my post was one of the best over.

So far I am still locked up, and as much as I hate to admit it I am happy that I am still locked.  Just admitting that in writing made me hard.  In the time we have been together, I don't know if I have ever been locked up at all on a weekend.  Being locked obviously changes our sexual dynamic.  To do anything directly with my cock would require it to be unlocked, so intercoure or masturbation are not possible without me being released.  That has made my mind drift into other possibilities.  Some of my thoughts/fantasies.
  • Mistress keeping me locked all weekend but she keeps telling me she is going upstairs to get herself off.
  • Mistress using the hitachi on herself while I am tied up.  She might also edge me with the hitachi while I'm still in the device or worse, force an orgasm while I am locked and keeping me locked afterward.
  • Mistress fucking me in the ass while I am locked.  No cock stimulation.
  • Mistress releasing me to fuck her and not letting me cum before she locks me back up.
  • Mistress releasing me to fuck her and making me cum before she locks me back up.
  • Mistress giving me a beating me while locked, but not stopping until sometime after I plead for her to stop
  • A long teasing and denial session and locking me back up or letting me cum and locking me back up.  Both have pros and cons.
  • Being locked in the cage or some other bondage while she goes to her nail appointment.
I ran into some other posts that I wanted to acknowledge from other blogs.

This first one makes me feel bad for the guy, but it also makes me wonder how my Mistress really feels.  I'd hate to think I was going through this just for my needs and wants.

Last night the chastity adventure seems to have come to an abrupt end.

After being locked up for a little over a week I just made an offhand comment to my wife I was so horny.  I even prefaced it by saying I wasn't asking to be released I just wanted her to know how I was feeling.  And off she goes to get the key and proceeds to give me an orgasm.  And of course I went along with it.  A little disappointed before, a lot disappointed afterward.  As many conversations as we’ve had about chastity over the last few years I can't fathom why it’s not in her to just push back a little bit. She does with everything else in our lives.  Seriously. Everything else. She is opinionated and demanding. She takes no shit from me or anyone else and gets her way 99% of the time. And I love that.  But it just doesn't seem to translate to chastity.  Just once I would have loved it if when I said I was horny- she would have said ‘good you're supposed to be’ or ‘too fucking bad because you're not even close to getting out yet’ or ‘shut up and rub my feet.’  But it never goes that way.  So we had a conversation.  And she told me she’s not really into the whole chastity thing. She just goes along with it because it’s something I like.  Hearing that killed me.  But explained a lot.  I've been thinking about it most of the night and decided if it’s not her thing then we shouldn't be doing it.  Because the way it’s been going is not my thing either.    If she had a burning desire to see me squirm under the effects of enforced chastity- to expand my limits- to push me out of my comfort zone?  I’d gladly wear the device for her until I was a whimpering mess.  But that, it seems, isn't in the cards.  

Now this next one is just plain hot.  Again it does seem like she is into the chastity as much if not more than him.
    
While it’s true I love teasing and tormenting my poor horny willing husband, and selfishly coming when he’s not allowed to… it’s also true that he’s my hero, and I would never let anyone talk trash about him. When in public, if the topic of sex comes up, I always talk up my husband, and how wonderful he is in the sack, which is true! His orgasm count is nobody’s business but ours, and If he’s willing to stand by me and sacrifice his orgasmic bliss to satisfy my teasing, denial and chastity fetish (and even better that he seems to love the tormenting too) why would I look such a wonderful gift horse in the mouth?  I love him, and love making him insane with unreleased pleasure. Yum!

I love my Mistress


Thursday, October 9, 2014

Compassion

Last night Mistress asked if I had been plugged while in chastity.  I confirmed that I had. I asked why, and she said she planned on having me plugged today (which I currently am) and she wanted to make sure I wouldn't be too uncomfortable by getting hard and such.  Since the plug itself doesn't make me hard, it's not a problem.

While I appreciate Mistress' concern for my comfort and well being, I'm hoping I can convince her it's ok to be less compassionate.  For example, last night Mistress had me in a nighty and my chastity device.  Either one makes sleep a little more difficult and combined, they make it even more difficult.  At the same time, the difficulty of it all is a powerful reminder of her control and me being a willing slave.  Last night I woke up around midnight frustrated about my cock being locked and my nighty being tangled around me.  This morning I woke up incredibly horny, hard as a rock in my cage (it's not that uncomfortable) and as I write this I am getting all sub-spacey and hard again.

The frustration and the loss of control is the turn on, not the device or the nighty.  I hate to say it, but the turn on for me is being fucked with.  To imagine Mistress intentionally making me frustrated, uncomfortable, embarrassed, humiliated, challenged, dreading something, etc. turns me on like nothing else.  To see her do it with a glimmer in her eye, a smile on her face, all well knowing how it pushes my buttons, makes my head spin and makes me hard in my unforgiving device.

Without trying to be a pushy bottom I want Mistress to know it's OK to push harder.  It's ok to take something she is doing to me and going further.  I promise to communicate if I can't do something or if something was too hard.  I don't want her to fear being mean to me.

I found this on a blog from a Mistress that is pretty strict with her husband...

  The other thing to remember is the why of it all. Why should a wife make the effort to monitor her husband's activities, or punish him from time to time? It is not because we enjoy doing it. For most of us disciplining a man can be something of a burden. We do it because we love him. Being a mistress to a man is an act of love. For most of us there is no inner thrill that comes with being a mistress.
Most of us are not naturally dominant. For most of us becoming a mistress is something of a chore that must be learned. Once again, as women, we do these things because our man needs us to be there for him in a special way that only a few people can understand. What I do believe is that the world be a better place if more women rose to the occasion by becoming mistresses to their men.  

I love my Mistress!  

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Trying to Ignore

Last night I slept in chastity.  Both yesterday and last night I have been trying to ignore the device. Trying to make it easier and to be less affected by it.  It's impossible.  There is just no way I can ignore having my cock locked, especially knowing I have made it impossible to escape.  Every time I sit to pee (a must), adjust myself, decide what to wear, workout, scratch, it's there.  Unyielding steel. While looking at pictures, my instinct is to touch a little or to get a full on edge, but it can't be done.  While wearing a collar signifies a certain amount of control, my collar is somewhat deniable.  This chastity device feels far more controlling even if no one can see it.  Besides having limbs restrained or being locked in a cage, I can't imagine a way to feel more controlled.  

So that made me very horny this morning when I was trying to avoid it.  I got a Fredericks email this morning.  7 pairs of panties for $28.  I was so horny I almost bought them.  I made a shopping cart and closed the window instead.  That's one thing that sucks about getting worked up like this.  It makes we want to buy frilly things, BDSM clothes, restraints and just about anything that I can pervert.

So back to my normal measurement.  Do I want out, absolutely.  Do I want to stay locked indefinitely, yes!  As much as I hate to admit it.  The brain loves the control more than it dislikes the device.

My naughty shopping list...






Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Hot Text in Pic

Locked up again

So I am in chastity for the 3rd time in less than a month. Apparently Mistress likes me locked up and as much as I want to say I don't like it, I do.  I like the helplessness and being controlled.  So much my cock just got very hard typing those last 2 lines.  

Since it appears I will be in chastity more often now, I added another page to the blog.  It will track the time I have been in chastity.  It's more of an FYI, but it will help me keep track of total days locked up as well as continuous days locked.  Maybe we will break some records :-)

In addition to the device.  Mistress told me I would be painting my toenails "girly pink" as well as clear polish on my finger nails.  She indicated she might add clear mascara as well, but didn't elaborate.

This morning I probably could have got away without locking myself up.  Mistress is wiped out from our trip and started her period so I am sure my cock is the last thing on her mind.  Unfortunately for me, when I first woke up this morning I remembered my instructions to lock myself up.  There was no way I was going back to sleep so I locked myself up (with the Prince Albert piercing lock) so I couldn't escape if I wanted to.  Just being locked up has my mind spinning a million miles an hour.  I want to be such a sissy little bitch today.

  Since Mistress is having her period, I can't imagine she has any use for my cock for some time, however here are some things I've been thinking about since I woke up.  A boy can hope, right?   I love my Mistress.

Teasing while watching TV

perpetualtease:

Ruined in his cage. Mean!
No need to unlock you to ruin your orgasm

There is no way I will push you over the edge

So close yet so far



 

Every great once in a while, Mistress needs to assert herself — and my need to have the reset button firmly pushed — overlap squarely.
Handcuffs, armbinder, ring gag, plug and no set amount of time locked in the crate. Not an erotic thing so much as a Total Power Exchange experience, for which it was ‘time.’
I remained that way far longer than was comfortable, which is to say until those buttons were firmly set for both of us.