The Submissive Paradox

I have learned a lot about my submissive side over the last 10 months.  Here is where I have failed over the last 30+ years of being a submissive. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.  That's a problem if one wants to be in a true female-led relationship  The only one that should be able to have cake and eat it, is Mistress. The slave gets only what Mistress wants the slave to have.  I tried to make it about me more than her.

This leads me to what Mistress Scarlet https://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/ calls the Submissive Paradox.  Here is the absolute best explanation that I have finally (after 35 years) come to understand and accept.  I underlined the sections that really speak to me

‘If you love your submissive and you wish to be kind to your submissive and have him sleep the most sound and contented sleep they can ever know, then the saying -‘you have to be cruel to be kind’, is the mantra by which you must live. 

The deeply submissive is a paradox. They need to feel helplessly in the control of another. That entails feeling that they are treated unfairly when it comes to things like the allocation of chores and leisure time. It means they have to be genuinely very fearful and frightened of the punishments that are given in response to infractions. It also means they have to be subjected to pain and humiliation that they do not enjoy. It is only when they are genuinely fearful of punishment for infractions and when they suffer pain and humiliation and unfairness they genuinely would rather not experience, that they feel truly controlled and in the helpless power of another. And without feeling truly controlled and in the helpless power of another, they can NEVER be wholly content with their lives. 

So real love and kindness for a true submissive does not mean going easy on them in any way, or being fair with them – that causes discontent and unhappiness and is not being kind.

In turn, the dominant woman is hooked on the addictive and arousing drug of using and abusing real power, over her male.

That's the paradox. Being cruel is being nice.  That doesn't mean 24/7 whip-wielding. Mistress can be nice, kind, and helpful when she wants to be, but also needs to be truly cruel for the submissive to feel loved and contented. Also, being cruel in a way the submissive wants is counter-productive.  This has been my problem for years. Wanting to be dominated my way and not realizing it didn't work for Mistress means it really wasn't working for me.  Here are some day-to-day examples of the paradox when I think of how it affects me.

Orgasm Control - I want to cum when I want to cum. When Mistress controls and denies my orgasms, I don't really like it. Unfortunately, that's when I get immensely turned on.  Being submissive means that the more my orgasms are controlled the more I am in awe of Mistress.  Orgasm control doesn't necessarily mean denial, it just means that I don't have a say in it.  On the flip side, being forced to orgasm multiple times until it's impossible to cum is another form of control.

Chastity - Chastity isn't just about orgasm control, it's about total control.  Being locked and having Mistress mostly ignore it shouldn't be arousing, but it is.  This is especially true now with my new perspective and I can see being locked 99.9% of the time for the rest of my life.  If I ever ask or beg to be unlocked, denying that request seems cruel but it's not. It’s kind based on the Submissive Paradox.  I am pretty good on the honor system, but not good enough.  

Chores - Chores have to be done.  That's what happens in relationships. Many would say that equal distribution of chores is necessary for a healthy relationship.  The Submissive Paradox says otherwise. The more unequal the chores are, the better it is for the Mistress/Slave dynamic.  Don't misunderstand this.  I don't want to do more chores and I don't enjoy them, but something happens inside my brain when Mistress makes me do chores. The idea of an endless list of chores is overwhelming and therefore powerful. Making the chores more difficult or humiliating makes them worse and therefore makes it better.   

Personal Service - In this relationship, Mistress should think of herself as a ruler of her kingdom (like Cleopatra) and me as just one of her lowly slaves. Waking Mistress up as she wishes to be woken.  Coffee service in the morning (me handing it to her).  Holding doors. Pedicures at her feet. Turning down her bed in the evening. Serving her drinks during the day. Fetching things for her that she could easily get for herself, but increases the dynamic.  The list of personal services is never-ending and I should be doing as many as Mistress wishes.

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Feminization - The only hair on my body are my eyebrows.  I wear a nighty every night. Most nights I am good with it, but some nights I feel silly and not manly.  It's these nights where the nighty is the most powerful.  Wearing panties is the same story.  I used to occasionally wear female deodorant and now it's all I ever wear.  Nail polish is one of those things that can’t be removed easily and is a constant reminder. All of these things create some level of humiliation which again, explains the Submissive Paradox.  Mistress recently threatened me with feminization while I clean and that makes me blush with shame but also makes me in awe of her for making me endure it.  The more feminization I endure the less in control I am and the more  I want to obey. 

Punishment - It's been a very long time since I have been punished.  Also, I don't know that I have ever been truly punished by Mistress (other than stopping D/s activities).  Without the Submissive Paradox, a true and proper beating seems abusive.  With the Submissive Paradox, a beating where I am truly begging for it to end and fearing it ever being repeated would be deeply effective and arousing.  I don’t want to be punished but I want to truly fear Mistress so that I have no choice but to obey. Punishment doesn’t have to be a beating either. Removal of privileges. Punishments you’d give a child or teenager.  The list is extensive.

Mind-Fuckery - The Submissive Paradox really shines here. Fucking with a slaves mind just for the sake of it. Taking something that they find pleasurable and making it unpleasurable. Pushing them slighly further than they think they can take. Punishing for absolutely no reason. Turning a funishment into a punishment.  Making him do a chore over that he just did. Creating a task that serves no purpose other than to fuck with the submissive. Leaving a mess just to have the slave clean it up. I think of it as bullying. Having to suck it up while being treated unfairly would suck, but it would also push all sorts of buttons inside me.  Again, it’s the Submissive Paradox.

I’d love your opinion on this post.  As a submissive do you feel the same way?  As a dominant, does it make sense?  If you’re vanilla and somehow reading this, what are your thoughts?e

New Take On Chastity

I got my first chastity device for Christmas in 1999.  It was a CB-2000.  What a terrible device it was, but what an opening it was into this world.  A few years later I 'upgraded' to the CB-6000, which was marginally better.  A few years later I was fortunate enough to get a custom device from Steelwerx in Canada.  It's a piece of art and priced like a piece of fine art.  I got a Prince Albert Piercing to make the device more secure.  That was my most comfortable device for the longest time, but looking back it was far too large.  It's not the fault of the designer, it's what chastity devices were back in the 2005-2010 era.  After 20+ years of chastity, most chastity connoisseurs seem to agree that the smaller the device the better.  There is less room for things to adjust and get pinched.  Smaller devices are more secure.  With my piercing, I need a small device to keep my piercing from getting pulled on when bending over and my penis tries to pull back.

As I write this, I am back in chastity and I am wearing my most comfortable device.  It's a Chinese knockoff of the amazing design from Rigid Chastity. It has a hook that keeps my piercing secure so that I can’t pull out the back of the device. I wish it were about a half-inch shorter, but I don't want to go through the hassle and expense of another device.  Other than the common lock it's inescapable. It's been well over a month since I had an orgasm which is the longest I have gone in the last several years.

I am treating chastity differently for the first time in my life.  In the past I made it about me and if I was locked I demanded attentions to it. If Mistress wasn't actively involved in my lock up or in D/s I became resentful.  I am now taking this lockup period as a symbol of my servitude. As penance for my last 13 years of pushy bottom behavior.  In other words I deserve to be locked indefinitely.  Over the last several years I have snuck off into the bathroom to rub one out while Mistress slept or masturbated while in the shower. This is not conducive for a submissive who wants his Mistress to take on a more dominant role.  My orgasms are not mine to have on a whim.  They are up to Mistress to allow me to have them or not.  I am pretty good on the honor system but even then I fail 1%-2% of the time.  I get drunk and horny and wait until Mistress goes to bed so I can cum.  I wake up horny every single morning and occasionally it's too much for me and I will rub one out before Mistress wakes up.  Other times I feel "owed" and will cum in the shower without Mistress knowing.  While I am chaste 98% of the time on the honor system, I need 100% chastity to make sure I don't fail 2% of the time.  This time around I go out of my way to make sure my chastity is not a burden on Mistress.  I don't complain, I don't beg, I don't make it about me, I make it about servitude. In turn, she barely acknowledges my situation which makes it harder and hotter.  Sometimes I think she forgets that I am locked up as she is so nonchalant about it.  In the past, this would have really bothered me, but with the servitude and control I am yearning for.  If I wasn’t locked these past 11 days I would have snuck off at least once and had an unauthorized orgasm. The I would be less horny and start slacking in my duties. Chasity works!

Doing chores, locked up in chastity, Mistress ignoring my situation.  It's amazing how something that would have angered me in the past is now turning me on.  It's true what they say about changing your midset.  

I am learning to enjoy the fact that I am locked up solely for control and not for some kinky fantasy.  It is my intention to make my chastity as easy for Mistress to enforce as possible.  It's my hope that she gets aroused knowing that I am 100% chaste for as long as she chooses.  That being said I would love to cum in her terms. Whether it’s a full on orgasm with her, a ruined orgasm from her or a humiliating show she would make me put on, an occasional orgasm give a little bit of hope to keep me motivated.  I guess a tease, edge and denial would do the same thing. 

 

Progress better than expected

I’m a few days shy of 2 weeks in servant mode.  My 1st inclination is to feel that things aren’t going as well as I’d like l, which is true, but I must admit they are going far better than they could be going. In reality Mistress could have rejected my servitude outright. Here’s where we stand now. 

If I wake early enough I weigh myself, put on feminine deodorant and a small spray of perfume. Mistress shouldn’t have to smell my body odor and the scent goes straight to my brain as a submissive trigger.  I immediately do a quick 15 minute workout in whatever nighty I wore to bed to get the blood pumping. After that I set down and type a morning mantra for about 20 minutes. This weeks was “My only purpose is to serve and obey Mistress” 80 times with lines added for mistakes. I then check this blog for comments and then I take a bit of time to find motivation in servitude.

As soon as Mistress arises I start her coffee.  I prepare it the night before in case she gets up before me.  As she enjoys her coffee I make the bed  one day a week I must change the sheets and wash the dirty ones. Sheets used to be one of Mistress’s chores that she has happily placed on me.  I don’t like doing it, but for that reason I love that she is making me do it.  Last week and today I will be cleaning the shower and vanity.

Also in the morning I take the dog for a short walk and then feed him while Mistress is still lounging in her chair with her coffee.  Having her sit while I toil pushes all of my submissive buttons.  A normal guy would be resentful.  I worship this kind of behavior.

A short time later we go on a long walk together with the dog for our morning exercise.  Upon our return Mistress had me prepare her breakfast before I prepare mine. This too is new for us and I like it. While I’m cooking I look over at her on her phone playing games or scrolling Facebook ignoring me completely.  What a rush  

After breakfast I make sure all the dishes are done and then I go take a shower and shave my body.  

The rest of the day is work.  We both work from home so I can wait on her as needed. More often than not, Mistress makes lunch but I clean up. 

In the evenings one or both of us cooks dinner and I do the dishes.  I used to do the dishes when I wanted to but now I do them immediately after we eat to show my desire to keep serving in this capacity.  My fear is that if I wait too long to do a chore, Mistress will just do it herself which defeats the purpose.  My goal is to make me doing chores so much a part of our lives that when I drop the ball Mistress will call me out on it and hold me accountable.  

At bed time I go walk the dog one last time while Mistress gets ready for bed.  I brush my teeth and put on one of my nighties.  Mistress has reinstated the rule that I wear a nighty every night.  I don’t have to per se, but failure to do so indicates to her that my servitude is not sincere.  Sometimes it’s really hard to put on the nighty because the rest of our D/s life isn’t the way I want it.  I want to be told to do it.  This is why this reset is so important.  This is no longer exclusively how I want it.  Mistress’s needs and desires come before mine.

One new twist is that I got a little condescending with Mistress.  She told me to put on my chastity device which I did immediately.  I’ve now been locked since Tuesday and honestly hope to stay locked for a few months at a minimum.  If I wasn’t locked I would have seriously considered sneaking off and masturbating a couple of nights ago as well as this morning.  Being locked in chastity while being in non-sexual servitude mode is a real mind fuck.  Sleeping in chastity and a nighty definitely keeps my male ego in check.

I stared this post saying things aren’t going as well as I had hoped.  That’s true, but only because I tend to try to do too much too fast. I realize this now. We have started with a good foundation. Mistress is doing better than I expected with me doing chores while she lounges. She’s held me to a task a few times but not every time. I’m sure it’s hard to be extra bossy with your spouse when he’s pushed back for 13 years as I have. I have to prove myself. 

That being said I’m going to encourage Mistress to keep adding tasks to my daily routine. To put me to work when she sees me with free time as I spend far too much time on my phone. To slowly take away my freedoms. To punish me as necessary.  To take more control and to truly make me regret what I’ve requested.  I want her to feel empowered and turned on by making me do whatever she wishes. 

I can see a pushy bottom aspect to the previous paragraph which I why it’s purposely vague.  I want to be controlled but I can’t have a say in what that ultimately looks like.

Motivational Quotes

 The week has started slower than I had hoped.  When I made my last post, Mistress and I were on vacation.  We didn't really have an opportunity to put my devotion to servitude to the test.  Now that we are back, I am slightly embarrassed to just jump in and just start doing things.  Mistress has also cautioned me about moving too quickly so that is in the back of my mind.  As much as I want to do everything, I also need a little bit of a push to tell me it's OK to submit.  I also don't want to be a pushy bottom and want to make sure when I do submit, it doesn't come across this way.  Here is a quote that I was able to share with Mistress as to my mindset.  I'm paraphrasing.

"While it might seem like a small difference, it's a massive difference in the mind of a submissive.  Saying that the chores need to be done vs. 'you' need to do the chores, flips a switch in the submissive mind."

That being said, Mistress hasn't had to touch a dish or clean anything.  So far this week I have stripped the bed and cleaned the sheets and duvet cover.  I make Mistress's coffee every morning (I've been doing this for years).  I make the bed as soon as Mistress awakes and I have done all the dishes as they hit the sink.  Yesterday I spent 2 hours cleaning the bathroom from top to bottom until it shined.  For the most part, Mistress has sat comfortably in her chair reading and surfing the internet while I toil away.  

I imagine it's not necessarily easy for her.  For 13 years I have made it about me.  I have been in servitude mode before, but when she isn't acting or reacting in the way I would like her to I would get frustrated and stop.  This time I have to do it differently.  I have to serve with her in mind, not me.  She has to believe that this is for real and won't stop when it gets tough.  My goal is to do this so long and so well that it becomes her new normal.  Should I try to back off, she will recognize it and enforce this new normal.

Here is another quote that is so true.

"Getting what you want doesn't feel near as good as getting what I decide you deserve"

I have wanted to be treated a certain way for many years.  Does it feel good to get exactly what I want?  Absolutely.  What feels even better is to not get what I want because my Mistress has decided that for me.  Getting what I want makes me greedy.  Getting what Mistress decides, makes me horny.

If you have any motivational quotes or stories, please share them with me, even anonymously.  I'd greatly appreciate your help in pushing me through the tough times.  

Sorry Submissive Requests Reset

I was recently looking to reminisce about the good old days of our female led relationship by looking back through this blog . I read through many of the posts  over the last several years.  I’m appalled by what I read.  It’s terrible. This is not the blog of a submissive. This is a blog of a pushy bottom. A blog about how not to act. A blog of what not to do. A blog of me asking my Mistress to be a kink dispenser. I’m terribly disappointed in how I’ve handled myself over the last 13 years. Actually make that the last 26+ years. I was a more insecure and pushy bottom with my ex-wife. No wonder she left me. 

I finally realize how bad I’ve been and I want to rectify this. Trying to continue down this same path is not the answer. I must force my submissive side to focus on serving my Mistress and stop focusing on my wants, needs and desires. After 26 years it’s crystal clear, that we can no longer accommodate what I want.

Just like a computer or cell phone that doesn’t work the way it should, I need a hard reboot.   A very hard reboot. Here’s what I am asking Mistress to do make us whole again. This post is at her request.  She asked me to write it, so that later when I'm questioning why she is being so controlling, she can remind me that this is all my idea. If you see anything that is me being a pushy bottom in this post, please call me out in the comments.

First and foremost. I am doing this willingly. I can stop it at any time but I recognize that if I do stop it, Mistress will no longer dominate me in any way, shape or form. I’m am going “all in” so that I can experience true submission and not my unrealistic fantasy world. If she is going to dominate me it has to be her way or not at all. This is not a game. 

My goal is to serve Mistress in any way possible. To make her life easier and to free up time for her to do as she pleases. I want to protect her, respect her, obey her, and place her needs before mine.  I will only make decisions that are delegated to me such as coming up with where to eat and what to do. My ideas may be vetoed and I must come up with backup plans. 

Service: It is my duty and I’m excited to pamper her, provide foot massages, pedicures, sexual servitude, and any other “personal service” she allows me the privilege to provide. I will also support her personal health goals. 

I respectfully request Mistress to be in full and complete control of me. I will fully relinquish my beliefs about what is good for me.  Mistress knows what I deserve.  I request her direction to be cruel, firm and unrelenting to make up for decades of my selfish behavior.

I respectfully request Mistress to come up with a set of rules that I promise to live by. I request Mistress to shift any and all the household chores to me. I request that my substantial free time be taken away so that I am not on my phone wasting valuable time that can be used serving Mistress and doing chores.

I would like Mistress to treat me as an unpaid, full time employee of Mistress Inc. I must follow the employee handbook, dress code, rules, code of ethics etc.  Any and all ‘free time’ will be filled with activities that benefit Mistress or others, as she sees fit.  

Regarding chores and tasks. I affirm that chores are not meant to be easy, or comfortable. If Mistress wants something done outside and it’s miserably hot, that should be of no concern. If Mistress chooses to make a chore harder, humiliating in some way, or makes me repeat it, I recognize that it’s meant to increase her dominance and my submission. Some tasks may simply be a test to see if I’ll cave when asked to do something especially challenging.  

Failure to obey and/or failure to exceed expectations will be punished.  I have no say in what the punishment is or what it looks like. I promise to accept punishment without complaint. 

I wish for Mistress to control the following items if she chooses. My spending, the food I can have (type and quantity), alcohol consumption, weight loss program, exercise, clothing, orgasms, chastity, screen time, phone access/privacy, free time, sleep, privacy, speech, etc.

I do not want to be treated fairly. I know it doesn’t make sense to a non-submissive, but being treated cruelly and unfairly is like a powerful drug and I yearn to be addicted to this drug. My ultimate wish is for Mistress to become aroused by making me miserable and making me suffer. The more I suffer the more turned on she gets. 

I also ask to not be forgiven for the last 13 years. How I treated Mistress as a tool for my kinks was disrespectful and does not warrant any forgiveness. I request Mistress remember how she felt all the times I made it about me as she plans our future. 

Bondage, teasing, denial, spankings, toys, chastity, clothing, etc are highly arousing to me and can be easily used to manipulate and control me, however  I recognize these items may do nothing for Mistress.  For this reason, I have no expectation of having any of those kinks indulged. If Mistress chooses to not use any of the above items, I humbly request verbal taunting of my situation to keep me in sub-space. 

I acknowledge that I will come to regret large parts of this new normal.  Regret and despair are what I have earned and deserve for the many years my poor behavior.  I fully accept this as being a necessary part of our dynamic as well as penance for the past.  If I’m only doing what I want, I will fail again. I desire true unrelenting control to have internal submissive peace. Even more than that, I desire Mistress to have her ideal submissive husband. I’m going to do everything I can to make this happen.

 

Thinking the Unthinkable

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Notes for a deep conversation

I recently told Mistress how much I needed to have her control me.  The conversation was good and I am doing things to make her life easier, but we still aren't hitting on all cylinders.  Below are my notes and things that spoke to me when I had this conversation.  They are here in case Mistress wants to see them.  Many of these notes are copied verbatim from different blogs, mostly Miss Christine.  Her way of dominating is something I strive to experience.

 For the purposes of this blog, a submissive is someone who cannot be truly content both sexually, and as a whole, unless they feel helplessly in the power of another.

IT IS A SEXUALITY; in the same way being a gay male is a sexuality. It is not a choice. A submissive will usually discover he or she is a submissive before they reach puberty. Most often between the ages of 7 and 11.

The submissive mind is at first difficult to understand and seemingly paradoxical. The submissive MUST be coerced to endure things they do not like in order for them to feel truly dominated; validation that they are not in control. If a man consents to everything you do to him, then he is really the one that is in control, and he will feel discontented and ill at ease being the one in control.

I will tell my husband that I will not be dominating him that evening or weekend of vanilla activity and I will be using him for his vanilla company. He will not act submissively and I will enjoy his company.

Even when there is a great deal of vanilla time and vanilla interaction in the relationship overall, BUT, when it is domination/submission time, there is no ambiguity that the dominant is truly in charge, wielding real power, (and enjoying doing so). 

It is important you get to feel what true power is like. That decadent, naughty feeling of being in charge. Almost ironically, the seat of your power comes from one simple fact. Your submissive NEEDS you to be dominant from time to time and he knows that. So you can utilise that in two ways. 

First, if he does not obey, you can say, ‘Obey, or I will not dominate you.’ [He will be in awe of you just for saying that, AND MEANING IT.]

Second, if you want him to do a boring housework chore, and he moans, you can say, ‘Doing chores is part of being my submissive. If you don’t do the chores I tell you to do, there will be no domination of any kind.‘ [He will be in awe of you just for saying that, AND MEANING IT.]

So many women initially say to me, ‘…but I love him so much, I can’t be mean to him.’ Well the fact is, while never being mean to him or dominant, you truly hurt him – every single day. He is a submissive and you could so easily bring him and you, an amazing life of joint contentment, but you not being mean or dominant ever, hurts him every single day. This is an unarguable fact. A truth. You may think you should feel guilty for being mean to him, but the simple truth is, you should feel guilty for not ever being mean to him. 

 I dominate you my way or not at all. Again. This is paramount. I dominate you my way or not at all. This brings me to the bathroom needing a proper clean. I’m going to relax while you go and give the bathroom a proper clean. Come back to me here when its done.‘  He is most likely to look at you as though you are a sex goddess and be in awe of you. He may show nothing, but be feeling these things. He may however try to get out of it because this is real and not fantasy and his male pride becomes an unexpected problem for him. If he procrastinates or objects just keep saying,

‘I dominate you my way or not at all. You give the bathroom a proper clean or I stop dominating you, including in the bedroom.’

Once he is cleaning the bathroom while you relax, you will again be feeling real power. Revel in it. It feels wonderful! He will also be thinking he is the luckiest man in the world.

DO NOT ask if he liked having to clean the bathroom. For him, it is not about liking how you dominate him, it is about whether you made him feel submissive. So do not care if he likes it, but, did it make him feel submissive.  He will confess wholeheartedly this fact.  

Because a submissive needs things to happen to them they don’t really like in order to feel they are truly under the control of another,  when you are seeking feedback, don’t ever ask, ‘Did you like that?’ or, ‘Do you like that?‘ Always ask, with words to the effect of; ‘Does that make you feel submissive?‘, or, ‘Did that make you feel submissive?’ 

It is critical to be able to provide an INTENSELY (brutal) emotional event from time to time. Intensely emotional for both the submissive and the dominant. Now and again, I will push one of my submissives well past what they think they can cope with. A LONG, LONG WAY PAST! The result of this level of cruelty is usually very considerable arousal for me and, once the event is over, the submissive holds me in awe and feels a compelling need to worship me. Perfect symbiosis. And they probably sleep more soundly than ever in submissive contentment.

The problem for sissy when I treat him this way is that, despite the terrible nightmare he endures during the event; when it is all over; he is even more in awe of me. Poor submissives really have no hope of escaping either their suffering or their addiction to their Mistresses do they?

Being waited on hand and foot.

Do not say please when giving the submissive an instruction. Do not say thank you when the instructed action has taken place. You may find this difficult if you already have the subconscious habit of saying please and thank you automatically. If so, practice makes perfect. (You can omit those words 24/7/365 if you wish and not just when you are dominating him.) Some dominants go one step further and have the submissive say thank you when the submissive has carried out an instruction of service. Below is an example exchange.

                ‘Get me a glass of white wine slave.’

                ‘Yes Madame.’ The slave returns and, with both hands, passes the glass of white wine to the Mistress. The Mistress looks expectantly at the slave, who then responds as he has been trained to do.

                ‘Thank you for the opportunity to serve you Mistress.’

                ‘You are a lucky slave aren’t you, now get back to your chores.’

I have also included in this exchange a default rule that I impose on my submissives. If passing me something, they must always do so holding the thing in both hands. This is a very respectful mode of behaviour, (Japanese in origin). Try it.

You can start taking advantage of your submissive’s needs by having them do some housework, or, chores of another kind.

If it is not going too far early on, a plain apron, a frilly one, or even more feminine attire (such a maids outfit) enhances the submissive’s feeling of serving a dominant during undertaking chores. Chores are a huge area of win/win in the dominant female / submissive male symbiotic relationship. Both parties get something out of him doing the chores. In a vanilla relationship, no one wants to do chores and they are a bind. In your new style relationship, you get freed up of any chores you do not want to do and your submissive gets a strong shot of contentment from being made to do them.

You can go a step further by inspecting completed work and having shoddy work done again, possibly with a punishment thrown in. What were mundane, boring chores become an enhancement to your lives! You can also immediately mess up the room and make him do it again.  It’s not about the results, it’s about the control.

A Golden Rule

As I have mentioned, submissives absolutely need to feel they are truly helpless in the power of another. Not a game being played they can be in total control of. This brings us to a golden rule to ensure you achieve this. Go just a tiny bit further than they think they can cope with. Whether nipple pinching or spanking or edging, do not stop until there is a whimper or much better still some genuine begging.

This is a tricky area because you must not go so far, that the discomfort stops them feeling submissive. If you stop the first moment they indicate they want you to, they are in control, so they will not feel helplessly in your power afterwards, so you will not get the worship and awe you want, and he will not get what he needs. Do not stop too soon!

At his initial request I keep him on a strict diet. 24/7 during both non-vanilla and vanilla times. As I said, I discovered a dominant streak I never knew I possessed. But controlling his diet has also brought out some wickedness in me which has him in awe of me. I adore contrast; wine for me, water for him, fish for me, lettuce for him, dessert for me, fruit for him. I don’t starve him, of course. He gets his full share of calories, greens, protein and vitamins. But my job was to get his weight down and to keep it there. Whereas he now makes me feel really good about myself and my appearance, regardless of what I eat, drink or how much exercise I do.

In return I’m critical of him because that’s what HE needs. He is turned on by my control. He needs me to decide things for him. And he needs some of my decisions to be tough. That keeps his submissive soul contented. He’s 12 pounds lighter. He feels great about that too.

HERE ARE THINGS I TOLD MISTRESS I WOULD ENDEAVOR FOR.

What you can expect.

No dishes, no laundry, no vacuuming, no cleaning, anything that you think needs to be done should be assigned to me. Obedience.  No talking back (need to end this once and for all).   

How does a typical day look?

Wake up - no phone allowed.  Work on betterment

As soon as you get up I feed the cat, the dog and prepare your tea.

Phone allowed for a minimum amount of time

Walk dog

Prepare and serve breakfast for you

Workout

Prepare my own breakfast

Do dishes

Work

Prepare and serve lunch

Dishes, laundry

Work

Prepare and serve dinner

Dishes, fold and put away any laundry

Chores (clean bathroom, clean fridge, clean Jeep, reorganize cabinets, etc) TV only allowed when Mistress wants my company.  I should be at service at all other times.

Weekends. Bigger projects and chores unless vanilla time.   

Full Orgasm

Just a quick post here.  I finally had a full orgasm yesterday.  It was my first non-ruined one since December 5th (48 days).  I was also released from chastity after 27 days.  I was not let out once.  Not to change devices, not to clean, not to shave.  I got so used to it that I keep trying to adjust it and realize I'm not wearing it.

Speaking of chastity I spent 169 days in chastity in 2018.  That is 5.6 months or nearly half the year.  It's also a full 66 days more than I spent locked in 2017.  I also had only 14 orgasms.  A true 14, no cheating.  In previous years I had 21-37 reported orgasms but didn't keep track of my secret ones. 

The last 4 weeks I have been particularly interested in feminization.  Both fully dressed at home as well as having to wear items under my male clothes 24/7.  I can't explain it, but I have been yearning for it.  I believe it has something to do with chastity and my horniness needing to have another outlet besides my cock.  It also likely has something to do with Mistress enforcing a strict nighty and painted toenail policy.

This morning was interesting.  It was the first morning I could touch my cock in 4 weeks.  I took full advantage.  Well, almost full advantage.  I edged myself about a dozen times.  My brain kept telling me to go ahead and cum.  Mistress will never know.  She will just think it's part of my normal post orgasm drop.  I'll "confess" it on my Orgasm Tracker (Orgasm Tracker) but other than that, I was going to keep it a secret until I got horny enough to confess in a scene.  The only reason I didn't give myself an orgasm was that my dog was scratching at the door to get in.  Dog blocked.

Now I am sitting here and Mistress just left for an hour or 2.  Whatever will I do?  Below are pictures of my current mood.

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Yearning For Meaner

A dial inside my brain has been turned up.  My desire to be treated poorly is getting stronger.  Much stronger.  I crave the idea of being pushed physically and especially mentally, to my limits.  I yearn to have freedoms taken away from me.  To have to earn things in life that I now take for granted.  To be given tasks and orders just for the cruelty of it. To endure private humiliation.  To wear bruises at all times, not necessarily because I have been disobedient, but because this is the life we have chosen.  To have a weekly day of worship, where I worship my Mistress in any way she desires.  To have an endless list of chores.  To have my work inspected and critiqued.  To have restrictions.  To be taken to a place of true servitude.

As I write the above I obviously have my fantasy built into much if it, but deep down that's not what I am looking for.  I really and truly want to be of service to Mistress.  To be trained to be a benefit and not a burden.  To have her be able to tell me to do something with 100% confidence that I will to it to her standards. To truly fear her wrath when I fail.  For me to be more of a true slave than I am at this time.

Here are some GIFs from TV shows where the Owner and the slaves are real...

     

Randomness

This post is going to be a bit of a rambling one.  You see, I am in such a horny state right now that my mind keeps jumping from one naughty thought to another and I can;t do much to stop it.

It's been several months since we had engaged in anything very kinky.  However last week Mistress tied me up, beat me and teased and denied me and left me in an incredibly horny state.  Now I am locked in chastity, wearing perfume, wearing nighties every night, and back to serving Mistress her morning coffee.

All of that makes me even hornier.  My mind can't stop about thinking about going further.  Staying in chastity indefinitely (especially when we go on vacation).  Wearing nail polish, fingers and toes.  My ass plugged or fucked frequently.  Dressing feminine as much as possible.  Giving Mistress orgasms every day with my mouth and fingers while I am locked.  When I am given the very rare pleasure of an orgasm I must eat it, every drop, no exceptions.  Collared again.  Frequent punishments, even if I am doing well, just to reinforce our dynamic.  Mistress ignoring my needs to make sure hers are met.  Her being bossier.  Much bossier.  No longer allowing me to direct my own time. Her being mean just to test my obedience.  List of chores and consequences for not doing them or doing them poorly.  Mistress punishing be for driving in a way she doesn't like.  Bruises.  I love it when Mistress gives me bruises.  Taking naughty pictures of me that I have to post on this blog.  The list goes on and on.

Now for the obligatory pics of things that get me going today.