Wife Coming Home Today

 Mistress comes home today.  As soon as I get up I have my final chores to complete.  I keep my nighty on and spray some perfume on my chest to keep my head spinning with feminine overtones.  One of my tasks in our female-led relationship is that I have to change the sheets weekly.  I strip the bed and put new sheets on the bed.  They have a very strong feminine scent from their last wash.  The scent is a laundry detergent that we jokingly call 'whore juice' due to its powerful smell.

After making the bed, I put the dirty sheets in the wash.  I then fold and put away all of the feminine clothes I wore during the week.  I just happened to wash those in whore juice as well.

Now all I have to do is wait for the time lock app on my phone to reveal the code to the safe so I can take off my chastity device.  If it were up to me, I'd stay locked until Mistress noticed I was locked and told me to unlock, but I don't want to be a pushy bottom.

The code is revealed to me a little after 10AM so I remove my device, and clean and dry it.  I take off my collar and wait for Mitress's plane to arrive so I can pick her up.

It was a good week.  I got to experience some bondage that ended up being more challenging than planned.  Being locked in chastity for 8 days, plugged, feminized, and my nipples raw and sore made for a very horny slave.  Doing chores while in this state, made the work mentally easier and exciting.

Wife Away Day 8

 Today is my last day, but the focus is all about making the house sparkle.  After a quick spray of women's perfume, I spend my morning in my nighty as late as possible. After feeding the dog and taking him for a walk, I get home and wear a pair of my frilly pink shorts and a pink camisole.  I plug my ass with my large plug one last time and get to work.

I spend hours scrubbing all the surfaces in the house.  I wash the floor on my hands and knees imagining Mistress in the next room coming in to check on my and to verbally humiliate me.  

I remove the plug and clean and dry it.  I put it in a plastic baggie and put it away with the rest of the sex toys.  It's 11 P.M and I have been cleaning for over 4 hours.  I tried, but also energized with sexual energy.  

I pick out another nighty and watch TV until I'm ready for bed 2 hours later.  

Wife Away Day 6

I am my horniest between the hours of 3 A.M and 9 A.M, with the peak being around 6 or 7.  While I woke up really ramped up, my libido waned later in the day, likely because of my unplanned orgasm the other night.

Besides wearing feminine clothes all day, I went through our 2 bins of toys and implements.  I went through dozens of chastity devices eliminating the ones I haven't touched in years.  I put all of the insertables and silicone items in for a quick spin in the dishwasher.  I put everything in a dedicated plastic bag to keep it clean.

while going through all of the toys I ran across our strap-on harness. Mistress had this toy before we met and it's only been used on me.  I got curious if I could use it on her while I was locked in chastity.  I've seen lots of videos where the guy is fucking his Mistress hard while his cock swings safely locked up.  Most of us chastity slaves can't last very long so this seems to be the ideal way to give Mistress a cock that satisfies her need for penetration.  It's also a major mindfuck for the slave.  He is going through all of the motions of intercourse.  He is thrusting, and he can see "his" cock go into his Mistress, he feels all the physical sensation of fucking, but his cock feels absolutely nothing.  A win/win proposition if you ask me. 

This is me

I ended my evening my going to bed wearing another nighty.

Wife Away Day 5

 It's Monday and while I work, I work a desk job at home.  Much less physical labor than I had this weekend so I was a little more rested.

I am going through all of my feminine clothes.  My goal is to wear everything at least once.  I spent most of the day in a padded lace bralette and pink panties.  I also painted my fingernails and toenails in 2 coats of shiny clear polish.  I wanted to do pink on my toenails but will be wearing flip-flops all week.  I can't wait for cooler weather to be able to look down and see hot pink toenails.  

Today was also a chastity check.  The app that held the code to the safe was revealed to me.  I removed the cage of my device and left the base ring on.  Everything looked good so I went to plan B.  A quick tease and lock up.  I set up a metronome app with a very slow 60 beats per minute.  I set a time for 5 minutes.  I put a nitrile glove on my right and I then lubed up my cock and hand so everything was super slippery.  Once I was hard, I started the timer and stood in front of the full-length wardrobe mirror.   On the mirror, I attached a suction cup dildo about 8 inches in length and 2 inches in diameter at the height of my mouth.  I began to stroke my cock, one second up, one second down, one second up, one second down.  As I did this I sucked the dildo at the same pace.  One second in one second out, one second in, one second out.  

What I wished was happening

I foolishly assumed that 60 beats a minute would be far too slow and would just tease me.  I was very wrong.  By the 3-minute mark, I was going deeper on the silicone cock and between the stroking and the cock hitting my gag reflex, I was on the edge.  I stopped and adjusted the metronome to 40 beats per minute.  This allowed me to last another 90 seconds before I was on the edge again.  I stopped stroking my cock but kept the rhythm with the cock in my mouth.  

Once the time went off, I cleaned the excess lube off of my cock.  I tossed the glove and put the cage back on my chastity device.  I went into the app and had to give me a new code.  I then read several random 4-digit codes and forgot the number I put in within 15 seconds.  I'm locked until the day Mistress gets home, 4 days from now.

At bedtime, I decided to use my non-vibrating prostate massager to see if I could cum with anal stimulation alone.  I never got to where I thought I could cum, so I grabbed my cage and pushed it back and forth.  I instantly believed that the motion in combination with the prostate massager could give me an orgasm.  I was right.  Within 60 seconds I could feel an orgasm coming.  It wasn't because of any friction on my cock.  My device doesn't allow for that.  I believe my brain confused the motion of the cage with actual stroking.  Combining that with the anal stimulation and the fact I haven't released a drop of cum in 90+ days, I managed to have a mini-orgasm with a little bit of cum release.  It was enough of a release that I had a post-orgasm letdown.  If I had access to the key on my chastity device I would have let myself out for the night. I skipped wearing a nighty which I should not have done.

By 5 A.M. I was back to normal thanks to my cock still being locked.  It's impossible for me to lose my horny edge for very long when I am locked up and don't have access to the key.  Enforced chastity keeps me on my toes.

Mistress is set to return in a few days.  My focus is going to shift from playing games with myself to doing the chores I have promised to do, with a few kinks added along the way.  As I type, this I am wearing black pantyhose and my legs are belted tightly together.  I am in this position until a loan of towels is ready to be moved from the washer to the dryer.       

Wife Away Day 2

 Day 2 (Friday) - I spent the day working and besides being locked in chastity and collared, not much happened until bedtime.  Now was the time I got to test out my self-bondage scenario.

I got my leg restraints set up.  I got the metal handcuffs into position.  I put on pink panties and a frilly white T-shirt.  I sprayed women's perfume on my neck and chest.  I love connecting the smell of my women's perfume to D/s activities.   I then plugged my ass with a vibrating prostate massager.  Once I was all set up, I grabbed the ice lock and hung it above my head and where my hands would be when the key dropped into place.  I then attached it to a cabinet handle about 5 feet away.  This kept the ice cube with the key frozen in it about 2 feet away from my hands.  I hurriedly lay on the bed.  I wanted to make sure I got myself tied before the ice melted.  I used as little ice as I felt I could to keep my session short, but still be long enough to feel truly helpless. 

I cuffed my ankles, one to each corner of the bed.  My legs were spread as far as I could possibly do them.  I then laid back and turned on the vibrating prostate massager.  I chose a start-stop pattern to keep from going numb due to a constant vibration as well as to make it so I was frustrated by the stopping.  I then clamped my nipples with a pair of clover-style nipple clamps.  It was now or never.

I cuffed my hands together in front of me and I then lifted my hands above my head to a firm attachment point.  I had previously attached another cuff here.  I took a deep breath and cuffed the middle of my handcuffs to the existing cuff.  As I heard the rachet in the cuff click, my fate was sealed.  My cock got hard instantly knowing that I was unable to escape.

After a minute or 2, the reality set in.  I announced out loud what a horny little slut I am.  How desperate I am to be treated like a slave.  How I want to be locked in chastity forever.  How I never want to cum again.  How I want to have my ass plugged all the time.  I focused on the vibrating prostate massager.  I kept tightening my Kegels to try and add additional stimulation to my prostate.  I got more sensation, but the changing pattern kept me from getting too much stimulation.

I was tied tighter than I planned.  I could only shift up or down about 4 inches. I would move down on the bed to allow my legs to bend a bit so that I could try and get more anal stimulation.  That caused my shoulders to get stiff as well as make my chest more taut, causing my clamps to dig deeper into my nipples.

If I raised myself higher on the bed, it took the strain off my shoulders and nipples, but my hips then took the strain and I couldn't feel the massager as much.  

After 9 minutes I was already frustrated.  I could see the ice lock was going to last longer than the 15-20 minutes I expected.  After 20 minutes I was bored, but also turned on by my situation.  I laughed out loud at how pathetic I can be when I get like this.  I kept trying to flex my Kegel's to try and get more stimulation.  It was a losing battle.  I imagined Mistress tying me up in this exact scenario and leaving me for hours on end.  Bored, but sexually frustrated.  

Finally, after 40 minutes, the ice melted enough for the key to drop into my hands!  But not so fast.  While I practiced and practiced unlocking the cuffs in this position, I didn't take into account the fatigue of my shoulder muscles.  What should have taken 30 seconds wasn't working.  I kept myself calm and just kept at it.  After 3-4 tense minutes I was able to unlock myself.  

My shoulders were in pain as I lowered them to unlock my legs.  I got out of bed and my legs wobbled due to being spread so far and me flexing my hips for 40 minutes. I removed the massager from my ass.  I always hate that empty feeling of removing a plug.  Lastly, I removed the clover nipple clamps.  They had depressed my skin so much that removing them was not as easy as just taking them off. As blood rushed back into my nipple I gasped in pain.  A quick rub of my nipples shot additional pain through my chest. I was exhausted, but even more horny than when I started.  I cleaned up and changed into a nighty and went to bed.

Mistress Going Out Of Town

 Mistress is going out of town soon to handle some family matters at the end of the week and she'll be gone for a week. Not only do we live together, but we also work together, so we are together 24/7 day in and day out.  The most time we spend apart is an hour here and there.  So her being gone, will be an unusual amount of time apart.

When Mistress does leave, I have some time to do some playing by myself.  This includes some additional feminization, playing with some toys I rarely ever play with, self-bondage, lots of edging, and because I can't control myself, I end up overstimulating myself and have a few unauthorized orgasms. It's been over 12 weeks since my last orgasm and I don't want to ruin my orgasm-free streak.  Being orgasm free has helped me stay in service mode. While I want to play, I also need to take some precautions to make sure I can't accidentally cum while Mistress is away.  

Here is what I have planned so far and am open to any ideas from my audience.

• Locking myself in chastity if Mistress doesn't lock me up. 
• Locking the keys in a small safe and using an app to hide the combination for a week
• Locking the Hitachi vibrator in the safe as well.  I can cum in chastity with the Hitachi 
• Toenails painted - debating between pink or blue
• Fingernails painted clear
• Something in my ass for a minimum of an hour a day. Plug, dildo, prostate massager, ginger root
• Lot's of time wearing nipple clamps
• Feminine attire in the house the entire time
• At least one several-hour self-bondage session
• At least one predicament self-bondage session
• At least one deep-throat practice session
• Daily line writing
• Attempt to have an anal orgasm since I won't be able to cum normally
• One self-spanking session - day one or 2 as I intend to leave marks on my body
• Chores. When Mistress returns home, the house will sparkle from top to bottom.  My goal is to show her how clean I can keep the house if she keeps encouraging me.
• Collared the entire time
• Daily update of my activities here on my blog

Thank you to everyone who has been leaving comments on my blog.  It helps motivate me to keep posting.

The Submissive Paradox

I have learned a lot about my submissive side over the last 10 months.  Here is where I have failed over the last 30+ years of being a submissive. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.  That's a problem if one wants to be in a true female-led relationship  The only one that should be able to have cake and eat it, is Mistress. The slave gets only what Mistress wants the slave to have.  I tried to make it about me more than her.

This leads me to what Mistress Scarlet https://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/ calls the Submissive Paradox.  Here is the absolute best explanation that I have finally (after 35 years) come to understand and accept.  I underlined the sections that really speak to me

‘If you love your submissive and you wish to be kind to your submissive and have him sleep the most sound and contented sleep they can ever know, then the saying -‘you have to be cruel to be kind’, is the mantra by which you must live. 

The deeply submissive is a paradox. They need to feel helplessly in the control of another. That entails feeling that they are treated unfairly when it comes to things like the allocation of chores and leisure time. It means they have to be genuinely very fearful and frightened of the punishments that are given in response to infractions. It also means they have to be subjected to pain and humiliation that they do not enjoy. It is only when they are genuinely fearful of punishment for infractions and when they suffer pain and humiliation and unfairness they genuinely would rather not experience, that they feel truly controlled and in the helpless power of another. And without feeling truly controlled and in the helpless power of another, they can NEVER be wholly content with their lives. 

So real love and kindness for a true submissive does not mean going easy on them in any way, or being fair with them – that causes discontent and unhappiness and is not being kind.

In turn, the dominant woman is hooked on the addictive and arousing drug of using and abusing real power, over her male.

That's the paradox. Being cruel is being nice.  That doesn't mean 24/7 whip-wielding. Mistress can be nice, kind, and helpful when she wants to be, but also needs to be truly cruel for the submissive to feel loved and contented. Also, being cruel in a way the submissive wants is counter-productive.  This has been my problem for years. Wanting to be dominated my way and not realizing it didn't work for Mistress means it really wasn't working for me.  Here are some day-to-day examples of the paradox when I think of how it affects me.

Orgasm Control - I want to cum when I want to cum. When Mistress controls and denies my orgasms, I don't really like it. Unfortunately, that's when I get immensely turned on.  Being submissive means that the more my orgasms are controlled the more I am in awe of Mistress.  Orgasm control doesn't necessarily mean denial, it just means that I don't have a say in it.  On the flip side, being forced to orgasm multiple times until it's impossible to cum is another form of control.

Chastity - Chastity isn't just about orgasm control, it's about total control.  Being locked and having Mistress mostly ignore it shouldn't be arousing, but it is.  This is especially true now with my new perspective and I can see being locked 99.9% of the time for the rest of my life.  If I ever ask or beg to be unlocked, denying that request seems cruel but it's not. It’s kind based on the Submissive Paradox.  I am pretty good on the honor system, but not good enough.  

Chores - Chores have to be done.  That's what happens in relationships. Many would say that equal distribution of chores is necessary for a healthy relationship.  The Submissive Paradox says otherwise. The more unequal the chores are, the better it is for the Mistress/Slave dynamic.  Don't misunderstand this.  I don't want to do more chores and I don't enjoy them, but something happens inside my brain when Mistress makes me do chores. The idea of an endless list of chores is overwhelming and therefore powerful. Making the chores more difficult or humiliating makes them worse and therefore makes it better.   

Personal Service - In this relationship, Mistress should think of herself as a ruler of her kingdom (like Cleopatra) and me as just one of her lowly slaves. Waking Mistress up as she wishes to be woken.  Coffee service in the morning (me handing it to her).  Holding doors. Pedicures at her feet. Turning down her bed in the evening. Serving her drinks during the day. Fetching things for her that she could easily get for herself, but increases the dynamic.  The list of personal services is never-ending and I should be doing as many as Mistress wishes.

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Feminization - The only hair on my body are my eyebrows.  I wear a nighty every night. Most nights I am good with it, but some nights I feel silly and not manly.  It's these nights where the nighty is the most powerful.  Wearing panties is the same story.  I used to occasionally wear female deodorant and now it's all I ever wear.  Nail polish is one of those things that can’t be removed easily and is a constant reminder. All of these things create some level of humiliation which again, explains the Submissive Paradox.  Mistress recently threatened me with feminization while I clean and that makes me blush with shame but also makes me in awe of her for making me endure it.  The more feminization I endure the less in control I am and the more  I want to obey. 

Punishment - It's been a very long time since I have been punished.  Also, I don't know that I have ever been truly punished by Mistress (other than stopping D/s activities).  Without the Submissive Paradox, a true and proper beating seems abusive.  With the Submissive Paradox, a beating where I am truly begging for it to end and fearing it ever being repeated would be deeply effective and arousing.  I don’t want to be punished but I want to truly fear Mistress so that I have no choice but to obey. Punishment doesn’t have to be a beating either. Removal of privileges. Punishments you’d give a child or teenager.  The list is extensive.

Mind-Fuckery - The Submissive Paradox really shines here. Fucking with a slaves mind just for the sake of it. Taking something that they find pleasurable and making it unpleasurable. Pushing them slighly further than they think they can take. Punishing for absolutely no reason. Turning a funishment into a punishment.  Making him do a chore over that he just did. Creating a task that serves no purpose other than to fuck with the submissive. Leaving a mess just to have the slave clean it up. I think of it as bullying. Having to suck it up while being treated unfairly would suck, but it would also push all sorts of buttons inside me.  Again, it’s the Submissive Paradox.

I’d love your opinion on this post.  As a submissive do you feel the same way?  As a dominant, does it make sense?  If you’re vanilla and somehow reading this, what are your thoughts?e

Sissy Service

It was a Tuesday night and we were watching TV like we usually do when Mistress hit the pause button. 

She said “I have a surprise for you this Saturday and you know I can’t keep a surprise to myself, so I’m going to tell you now.  But before I do I want you to go put your chastity device.  Once you know what the surprise is you won’t be able to keep your hands off your little cock.”

I was shocked. It’s been along time since mistress talked to me this way. There was no way I wasn’t going to obey. I went and grabbed my most secure chastity device and put it on. I came back to the sofa and handed mistress the key.

She said, “wow, you’re really a desperate little slut aren’t you?”  I blushed and said “yes, Mistress”.

“This Saturday, we’re going to get up and walk the dog like we normally do. When we get back I’m going to go get ready while you make the dog’s breakfast. You will not be eating breakfast or lunch today. Once I’m ready I’m going to Starbucks for breakfast and to read. At 11 o’clock I have a pedicure and manicure appointment. After that I’m going to lunch and have a couple glasses of wine.  I’ll be gone 4-5 hours.”

“While I’m gone you will put your prostate massager in your tight ass. You’ll then put on your heavy steel collar. Then I want you to put on one of your bodysuits.  After that, spray 2 sprays of your slutty perfume on your chest, neck and wrists so the scent is penetrating your brain all day.”

“Once you are all prepared in your sissy uniform you will clean the entire house from top to bottom.  I want the floors vacuumed and scrubbed. I want the sinks and toilet so clean you can eat off them. I want the shower glass and all the mirrors spotless.  Every surface in the house better sparks. I don’t want to find one speck of dust.”

“If you do a good job I’ll let you kneel on the floor and use lotion to massage my newly manicured feet while I read. If you do a poor job you’ll stand nose against the wall holding up a pair of your dirty panties with your nose for an hour and then you’ll correct your mistakes while I supervise.”

“While I’m gone I want you to think about what you’ve become. So desperate for attention that you’ll do absolutely anything I say just to be my sissy servant while I go out and pamper myself.  This isn’t going to be a one time thing either.  We both know you NEED to be treated this way.  This is a great way for me to have more me time, for your submissive brain to be fed and for us to have a clean home.”  

“Well sissy, tell me what you think”. 

I reply, “Mistress you are absolutely correct. I do need this. The more strict you are with me, the more I am under your spell. I hate to admit it but this, but your cruelty and harshness soothes my soul in a way I can’t describe. I can’t wait for this Saturday to come.  Not because I want to spend the day cleaning, but because I don’t want to do that and you’re making me do it. I want to not only make you proud of my cleaning but my willingness to serve you without question.  My goal is to earn more and more harsh treatment.”

I spend the rest of the week straining in my chastity cage. Sleep is difficult because of all of the thoughts that are running through my head.  Mistress teases me and keeps reminding me of Sissy Saturday. Will mistress actually do this to me? I shudder thinking about the possibilities. It truly is the paradox of the submissive male  

A story with some reality

Below is a story of which many of the things written occurred and a few of them are completely fabricated.  I hope you like it. 

Mistress left town on a short trip.  She's only going to be gone for about 40 hours.  She flew out first thing in the morning which means we had to get up at 5am.  Mistress got up before me to start getting ready.  When I got up I immediately noticed my micro chastity device on the bathroom counter.

"Put it on," she said.  You're going to be so busy that you won't have time to touch yourself.  I'll be taking the keys with me."

I was in shock.  It's been years since we have had real D/S and even longer since I had been locked up by her.

I struggled to get into my smallest device with my hard-on but managed to stuff it in and hand the keys to Mistress.

We headed off to the airport.  On the way, we had small talk about everything that we had going on in our vanilla lives.  I pulled up to the terminal and Mistress told me she left instructions on the kitchen counter. She said the future of our Female Led Relationship would be determined by how well I followed instructions.  Before getting out of the car she gave me a deep kiss and patted my chastity device through my pants while giving a look that made my cock swell.

I rushed home to see what was in store for me.  After feeding the dog I found the letter left for me.

#1. Spray your perfume on (heavy).  I know your mind gets weak when you wear that slutty stuff.  I want your mind open and ready.

#2. Put on your heavy cable collar.  You're going to be wearing this a lot more.

#3.  Paint your pinky fingernails with my teal polish.  It will be enough to make you aware but not too much to go out.

#4. Put on some naughty women's underwear and one of your feminine tops that is not obvious and take the dog for a walk.  When this is done go to page 2.

I completed all of the tasks.  At first, I was paranoid about the top I had to wear but it was early and passable so it was no big deal.  

Here are the panty and top that I chose to wear.

On page 2, I read the following.

#4. When you get back, make yourself scrambled eggs for breakfast.  Put them on a plate and set the plate on the floor in front of a mirror.  Put on your pink cuffs and attach your hands behind your back and start eating.  Be careful.  If any egg falls on the floor you must lick it off the floor.  I am doing this to let you see how pathetic you are.  A 50+ year old man that will do this shows me just how much you will do to be treated harshly.  

#5.  After breakfast, I want you to snap your balls 6 times with the large rubber bands.  I will be inspecting for bruises when I get back so make it good. I managed to complete this.  It hurt, but not as bad as I had expected.  I was bruising easier than usual.

#6. Using your pink cuffs and handcuffs I want you to hog-tie yourself in a way that you can get out.  Put the key 15 feet away so you have to squirm to the keys.  Be sure your nipples are clamped for this.  I want your nipples raw.   After putting clover clamps on my nipples,I dropped the keys at one end of the room and locked my ankles together with one pair of cuffs.  I laid on my stomach and locked one cuff on one wrist and looped it through my ankles and closed the other cuff on the other wrist.  I was stuck.  I quickly realized that squirming on my belly wasn't going to work so I rolled onto my side and eventually to my back where I kept my butt raised and inched to the cuffs.  I was unlocked in about 5 minutes, but my thighs were stressed from my keeping my back off the tile.

#6.  Get to work.  You can't play all day.  While inside you will wear only women's clothes. Take out the dog as needed and put on male clothes over your feminine attire.  When you come back fronm waking the dog you have to put on something new and feminine.

#7.  At the top of every even hour (8, 10, 12, 2, 4) set a 5-minute timer and put on one nipple clamp.  After the 5 minutes are up, switch the clamp to the other nipple.  Do this until the top of the hour and take an hour off.

#8. After work go to the store for your shopping list and your dinner.  Wear your body stocking under your clothes.  When you get back, feed the dog and start your blog post.  Once you have the blog post updated get into something skimpy and scrub the bathroom top to bottom.  It had better sparkle or I will make you do it all over and will blister your ass. I don't care how long it takes.

#9.  When you are done, strip put some cuckold porn in your AirPods, tie yourself spreadeagle to the bed.  Set a timer and lie there for 2 hours listening to women getting fucked by men that are not their husbands.  Imagine this happening to you!

#10.  Add some perfume to your skin and go to bed.  Have Sweet Chasity Dreams.  I will text you all further instructions tomorrow.

The Cuckold Threat

 It’s been nearly a year since I’ve posted anything. Between running a company and traveling extensively there hasn’t been any D/S in my life in quite some time. It’s only very occasional where I lock myself in chastity, wear my steel cock ring, wear panties or put clothes pins on my nipples.  That being said I had a dream the other night that won’t leave my brain. I wanted to preserve it here as it’s still got me worked up. The dream wasn’t as elaborate as what I’m about to write but I’ve since had time to embellish it.  Here we go.

I dreamt that Mistress and I were in bed having standard missionary type sex. My cock buried deep inside her pussy while I try to get her to cum while keeping myself far enough from the edge to make sure she cums before I do. 

Usually during this time Mistress will say that she knows will push my buttons while twists my nipples, this make it VERY difficult for me to not get too close to the edge of cumming.  In my dream Mistress and I are having our usual hot talk when she says, “I’m going to start reinstating the rules, tasks and requirement I used to have for you”.  I lived for the days when I had a list of expectations that had to be followed so this quickly got my attention.

She continued, “This time however, I am going to ensure that you have real consequences for not meeting my demands”.  Oh my goodness. This is sounding like way more than our normal pillow talk.  She adds “In the past you’d weasel your way out of doing things you didn’t like in the hope of me punishing you in a way you wanted to be punished. This just created extra work for me to meet your kinky desires and didn’t benefit me in any way.”  

Now this has me even closer to the edge. This is some serious talk. I’ve always wanted our kinky life to get pushed past games and take on a more serious and lasting dynamic.  These comments got me nervously closer to the edge. 

Mistress proceeded to pick up her phone and show me a screen with a grid of pictures of men.  “Moving forward, when you don’t meet my expectations or do what you’ve agreed to do, I am going to use this dating app to find a man in whatever location we are in to go out on a date.”  I stop moving my hips. We’ve never talked about an open relationship and I have a hard limit of her seeing other men. 

Mistress then drops the phone and grabs my nipples. She wraps her legs around me and clenches her pussy against my cock that is already close to the edge. She says, “if you agree to my terms I want you to cum now”. My mind is spinning. No, I don’t want this. I want my kink, my way. I can be jealous and insecure. However, the control aspect is incredibly arousing, and to think we’d be moving back to a more Female Led Relationship has my curiosity peaked. 

Before I know it, I realize I’m cumming. I haven’t moved a muscle.  Mistress expertly twists my nipples and uses her pussy to take me over the edge. I start loudly mumbling, “no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nooooo” as I pump loads of cum into Mistress I realize I’m having a ruined orgasm and that my fate is sealed. I argue that my orgasm was a mistake and that I didn’t intend to agree to her terms. She said, “some part of your subconscious wanted you to cum and we both know we need to feed your subconscious little brain what it needs.  Now rule number one is that every time you cum, you need to eat all of your cum. Get to work cleaning me up or I’ll be going on a date tonight.”  Mistress releases her legs from their lock on my hips and I slowly move my face down her body to clean up my disgusting cum.

The dream ended at this point but my lizard brain hasn’t stopped there. I keep thinking about how this would look in reality. I imagine a list of rules. 

1. Clean up your cum every time you cum. 

2. You must initiate sex at least once a week. If I say, no, you will ask for permission to cum. If I say that you may you will proceed to strip and masturbate onto a plate. See rule #1.  

3.  You will go back to wearing feminine attire at night in bed.

4.  You will have my coffee ready to go the night before.

5.  You will get up with the dog every day. 

6.  You will be plugged 7 hours a week.  You decide how the 7 hours work (all at once or an hour a day, etc)

7.  You will do all dishes.

8.  You will request permission for every alcoholic beverage you wish to drink.  Expect to have this heavily controlled.

9.  You will request permission for any snack food you wish. 

10. You will wear panties every non travel day.  You will not wear them when we will see people we know. 

11.  Fingernails and toenails will be polished clear at all times unless another color is assigned.

12. You will wear your collar 24/7

13. You will go into chastity after every orgasm until I release you. I know how much you hate this, but it does get your mind in the right space faster. 

14.  You will address me as Mistress, Goddess, Queen, etc in private.

15.  You will never ask about my dates.

16.  You will drop me off and pick me up from my dates.

17.  You may not sleep when I am on a date. I want you to contemplate your station in life every time I’m out.

18.

19.

20.

If you’ve made it this far I’d love it if you’d add additional rules that you think should be included. Extra points for rules that benefit Mistress without hitting my kink buttons.  Comments are always appreciated. 

A few days of self play

 Mistress is going out of town for a few days, so I plan to make the best of my time alone.  Here are some of my goals over the next few days.

• Pink painted toenails
• Clear painted fingernail
• deep ass fucking with my new 8" suction cup mounted dildo
• lots of deep throat practice with the same dildo
• mascara in public
• self-bondage with key frozen in ice.  I'll be restrained until it melts.
• wearing shorts with pantyhose in public 
• several orgasms, wth a twist
• 1st orgasm earned after 100 deep-throats
• that same 1st orgasm will be with my ring gag in and my cock pointed at my open mouth
• one orgasm with the hitachi tied to my cock and me in self bondage with the hitachi giving me seious post orgasms tortue.
• orgasm while deep throating and with plug in ass
• butt plug in for an hour at a time 4 times a day
• sleep in a new pink body suit all night
• wear a new teal bralette out of the house one day
• some time in chastity

any ideas before Thursday?

Cock Rings & Panties at the pool

 Mistress and I are on a quick vacation. We’ve both been reading erotica and I’ve gotten myself so worked up that I’ve been trying to be secretly naughty. 

The last couple of days I’ve been wearing panties and a cock ring under my swimsuit. The panties are tight and the cock ring keeps my cock hard when the erotica turns me on. 

I’m big into FemDom but the best story I’ve read all week has been a Male Dom story. It makes me realize that although I skew submissive I have a very creative Dom side. Here is the 1st of the series. 

https://www.literotica.com/s/change-of-control-ch-01

Now I’m off to mentally torture myself some more. 

Sleepwear

Last night I wore a nighty. It’s been months since I wore a nighty.  When Mistress asked, “where’s your nighty?” as I was crawling into bed, I got instantly aroused. I happened to be wearing panties at the time so l left them on as well.   I’ve never slept in both a nighty and panties before. The panties had an added effect on me. I had forgotten what it’s like to sleep in a nighty.  Normally I sleep naked. Wearing the nighty was a constant reminder of my feminine/submissive side. The straps digging into my shoulders. The satin rubbing my freshly shaved body as well as my nipples, arousing me further.  The restriction of my movement, all working together to turn me on more than I already was.

Adding the panties even pushed my buttons more. The panties restricting my normally free cock. Slightly riding up into the crack of my ass. The panty and nighty combo were certainly more powerful than either one by itself.

It’s 4AM and I can’t sleep.  I am sooooo horny. I don’t know the last time I had an orgasm, but it’s been weeks.  I want to edge myself so badly but I am afraid I’ll have an accident.  I’ve been obsessed with my eventual birthday beating, watching videos of guys and girls getting brutalized far harder than I would ever want with canes, whips, etc. It horrifies me as much as it arouses me.

The last couple of mornings, under my male clothes, I wore the swimsuit that I stole from Mistress’s donation pile. The swimsuit is very tight and restricting  The bra strap on it dug into my skin.  My cock and balls were severely confined. The bottoms rode up in the back. The front of the swimsuit is full coverage. The back of it is just the bottoms and the bra strap which left my back completely exposed. The thighs were cut high enough that I could see the skin of my hips over the top of the waistband of my shorts. In addition to wearing it around the house, I also wore it when I took the dog for a walk and while running errands. I was VERY self-conscious.  I felt like everyone could tell I was wearing it under my clothes.  I was very careful to not let it be seen while getting stuff done around the house. It was fairly uncomfortable, which in my mind was what it should be. Essentially being punished for being so desperate and horny that I was wearing a woman’s swimsuit under my clothes.  I’m always amazed by how much of my feminine side is awakened the longer I go without an orgasm.

That’s enough for now.  I’m going to try and drift off to sleep in my panties and nighty.

 

Panty Thief

Mistress and I are moving soon, into a much smaller space. We’re downsizing quite a bit. One thing we’ve learned is that we have far too many clothes.  We tend to wear no more than 5-10 of any one item, but for some reason have 30, 40, or more of a particular item.

I’ve had to get rid of a lot of my male clothes as well as all of my female clothes that were hanging in the closet.  Things such as dresses, skirts, and blouses.  Things I could wear around the house, but sadly haven’t in some time. Next, I have to tackle my female clothes that are in the dresser. These are panties (far too many), pantyhose, stockings, bras, nighties, and some lounging around attire. I’m going to get rid of the majority of these and just keep a few things of my favorites and Mistress’s favorites.

Mistress has also had to downsize a lot.  She has filled bags and bags of clothes to donate to charity. Every time I see a black trash bag with her clothes in it, I am overcome with a need to investigate. A few weeks ago it was panties and other lingerie that hadn’t been worn in nearly a decade. I browsed through the bag sitting in the garage waiting to be donated. I couldn’t help myself.  I just had to keep a few choice items for myself. Mistress almost caught me during my hunt. I had to pretend I was organizing the trash.  I kept going back to the bag over the next few days, making sure I didn’t miss anything.  Mistress is much smaller than me so I can’t wear many of her clothes unless they are very stretchy. Over the weeks since then I’ll slide into a pair of her recycled underwear.

I have my own panties (lots of them), but there is something taboo about taking a woman’s underwear and sneaking around wearing them that adds some excitement. It reminds me of when I was 15 years old and would go to one of my friend’s homes. He had a very hot older sister and I once stole a couple pair of her panties and wore them when I got back to my house. It was exciting and a turn on. I would fantasize about her catching me stealing her panties and my fantasy had her blackmailing me into being her slave by threatening to tell everyone what I had done.  She would verbally taunt me about being a panty thief and would spank me as punishment.  Stealing Mistress’s panties and sneaking around about it reminds me of that thrill I got way back then.

The reason this is coming up now is that Mistress has another trash bag of her clothes in our upstairs closet. It’s mostly swimsuits but has some other clothes in it. I have been in that bag at least a half dozen times. The first time I quickly squirreled away a half dozen items in case the donation happens too quickly. Since then I’ve gone through the bag, tried in some items (most don’t fit) but got lucky on a few. The other day I wore her too small for me bikini bottoms.  My cock and balls all crushed up. It was exhilarating.  I almost got caught going through the bag the other morning. The fear and excitement of possibly getting caught made my heart skip a beat. A couple items I wish I could keep, but space will be limited so I have to be extremely choosy. As I write this post, I’m dressed in a one-piece swimsuit under my shorts and polo shirt. It’s several sizes too small but I was able to stretch into it. It’s constricting, making me aware of every breath. It feels so forbidden and that turns me on.  I’ll wear it for the next few hours until my morning libido wears off. My mind will be spinning. One side of me is wanting to be caught by Mistress. She’d march me upstairs and make me undress down to the swimsuit. She’d verbally taunt me as she’s tying me down to the bed before using the cane on my swimsuit covered ass. She’d make me promise to never steal one of her items again while I screamed out in pain. She’d taunt me about making me sunbathe in the swimsuit to give me obvious tan lines to humiliate me. She’d threaten to make me buy my own women’s swimsuit to wear.  Just thinking about it makes my confined cock spring to life.

Birthday Beating

I have a birthday coming up and last night Mistress told me she didn't buy me anything.  I told her, "thank you for not buying me anything".  We are fortunate enough to pretty much buy what we want, presents for holidays and birthdays are more stressful than rewarding so we tend to skip them.  As far as my birthday goes, I prefer birthday shenanigans way more than any gift or special meal out. 

When Mistress told me that she didn't get me anything I told her that I would much rather have a birthday spanking than any gift.  You can't really buy a spanking, wait, you can, but that's a different story.  I told her I would love to get a minimum of 51 swats, stokes, etc for my birthday.  Mistress asked if we still had the cane in the bedroom and I assured her we did.  I then said that a stroke doesn't unless I make a sound.  She said, "oh, I'll make sure you make a sound".  My cock instantly got hard.  That was pretty much the end of the conversation and we went to sleep after a long day.

This morning I was stirring awake when I really wanted to be falling back to sleep.  As I tried to go back to sleep, my mind kept wandering to last night's conversation.  I imagined my Birthday Beating.  I won't be able to be beaten on my actual birthday as we have other things going on, so we will have to make alternate plans.

Now I am not really into pain for pain's sake.  It's kind of like spicy foods. I love spicy food however, there are some spices that are hot just for the sake of being hot.  There is nothing else to them.  If a portion of food is super spicy, yet it's very flavorful, I will gladly suffer through the pain.  Same thing with pain from BDSM activities.  Pain for pain's sake is not fun.  Pain that comes with the loss of control, or with a certain goal in mind, or for the arousal of the pain giver, those all make enduring pain worth it.  In this case, knowing I will get at least 51 stokes, and that there is nothing I can do to stop them (unless it's a real emergency) is a massive turn on. 

Of course, my dirty mind had to find ways to make the beating more interesting.  I imagine having to wear my butt lifting panties.  They create a nice target for Mistress to focus on, but then that might not spread out the pain enough (shudder).  I can also imagine other feminine additions.  Schoolgirl skirt and top.  Eye makeup so that it runs as tears fill my eyes.  A penis gag or dirty panties in my mouth while I get beat.

I imagine having to wear my largest butt plug.  Each time I would get hit, my natural tendency to clench my butt would stimulate my prostate.  This, in turn, would confuse my senses by connecting the intense pain to the pleasurable feeling in my prostate.

I imaging Mistress taking breaks from beating me to masturbate while I lay there with my ass throbbing.

I imagine Mistress taking out recent frustrations on me. We have had a particularly stressful couple of months.  I have had some very dickish moments, and deserve to be punished for them.  Nothing like being able to add some payback onto the birthday present I asked for.

Suffice it to say, I am fearfully and excitedly looking forward to the best beating of my 51 years.  I imagine begging Mistress to stop, but not actually using a safe-word.  I imagine purposely trying not to make a sound so that I can get hit longer.  If I end up looking like the poor guy below, I won't regret it.   

Back for now

Mistress and I have had a ton going on.  We started a business a little over a year ago and we have been busier than our wildest dreams.  It's been stressful so we have had more arguments than usual.  Nothing serious, but enough that we haven't engaged in kink in quite some time.

We also went on an extended road trip without any toys, feminine items, etc. 

Lastly, my extended time in small chastity devices appears to have caused my penis permanent damage.  I now have a medium upward curve to my penis from something called Peyronie's disease LINK. It doesn't affect much, but it means extended chastity is more or less off the plate.

Mistress and I have been home for a couple of weeks but I don't think it's appropriate to ask for D/s if she's not feeling it.  Because of that, I've been secretly doing things to myself.  I wear a silicone cock ring almost all day.  I have been locking myself into chastity for short periods of time (it's so addicting).  I have actually slept in chastity twice in the last week.  Mistress has fallen asleep on the couch and I've been a little drunk and extremely horny and that's how I have handled it.  I have worn panties almost every day since I have been home (I missed them more than I thought).  I wore a women's body shaper out of the house under my clothes to take the dog to the dog park and on the way home I exposed myself for the 5 mile drive through town.  I have never done anything like this before.  Scary but exhilarating!

As I type this I have my prostate massager in my ass.  It's the first time I have had anything in my ass for at least 6 months.  I missed this too.

My current fantasies are running through my head.

• Giving Mistress multiple orgasms while I have none.  
• Being locked in the dog kennel overnight.  Mistress has threatened this over the years, but I would hate/love to be forced to do.
• Long-term chastity.  Being locked regardless of the consequences.  Mistress likes my fingers more than my cock anyway.
• Public crossdressing. Now that the streets are so empty due to the coronavirus, I'd love to be forced to walk down a street dressed up.
• Secretary attire every day since we are sheltering in place.
• Fucking Machine Punishment
• Being tied down while the Venus 2000 penis pump gives me an orgasm, and then keeps going no matter how sensitive I am and keeps pumping until I cum again, no matter how long it takes.
• Crossdressing in a video chat room.

Have a great rest of your week.  Stay safe!

What I did

Mistress was out of town for a couple of days but is coming back this evening.  I had some alone time for the first time in over a year.  So what did I do?

First I wore my feminine outfit until I had to get ready to leave the house.  When I did leave the house I wore a vinyl thong with a built-in cock ring.  When I got home that night I put on my pink lounge clothes. 

When it was time to go to bed, I had one thing to try.  I have been wanting to see if it's possible for me to have an anal orgasm with no stimulation on my cock.  I have tried this before without success, but this time I had success.  I used my Aneros prostate massager as well as the Hitachi.  It took me quite a while to find the right combination of D/s items and vibration, but eventually, I did it!  I needed some extra stimulation so I used a spider gag to imaging being fore fed my cum.  I wore nipple clamps as well as a cock and ball strap.  Of course, I had to wear something feminine since I was trying to cum like a girl.

The next morning I had to run some errands and decided to dress up under my clothes. These look like grandma panties, but in reality, they are a thong in the back so my ass cheeks stick out.  Perfect spanking panties as the ass is framed perfectly for aiming a spanking implement.

When I got home I decided to play with my Venus 2000.  I ended up tease torturing myself, not allowing me to get close to the edge.  I wasn't able to do this very long as I wanted to cum very badly, which I did.  It was amazing!  If only I was tied up and Mistress kept me going like this for hours without cumming.

As I was getting the toys out of the storage area, I ran across a bullwhip I bought Mistress years ago.  I playfully smacked myself with it about 15 times.  Just enough to make it sting, but nothing I consider very hard.  Imagine my surprise when I see that I am marked by these fairly light flicks of the whip.  This really, really wants me to experiment more with the whip

Bummed it's out of focus

Well, that's it for playtime.  I have to put everything up and clean up the house before Mistress gets home.  I may have to wear something naughty to go pick her up at the airport.  I sure did miss her.  This kind of play is so much more fun with Mistress.

  

  

While Mistress is away.

Lilac women's deodorant and women's perfume fill my nostrils.  Eyelashes weighed down with mascara.  Lips heavy with red lipstick.  Dark pantyhose/tights worn for the 1st time in over 2 years.  Heels and a dress worn for the first time in over 12 months.  Heavy silicone bra inserts in my tight dress.  My head spinning as I walk in heels for the first time in months.  Every few steps having to pull down my skirt to keep it from riding up.  Clicking heels on the hardwood floors fill my ears. 

Mistress is away for a couple of days, so I am going to take full advantage while working from home.  Mistress also chose not to lock me in chastity.  I'm going to try not to cum, but with some of the toys I have access to, I don't think I will succeed.

Whatever will I do for the next 48 hours?  If you have any ideas, please comment.  I'll update a few times as things happen.  Soooo horny!

Things Running Through My Mind Almost Daily