Thursday, September 15, 2016

Insecurity can go both ways

A quick recap of yesterday.   I worked out in my pink outfit.  Our workout room has lots of mirrors and every time I caught a glimpse of myself in my outfit, I had the perfect amount of humiliation wash over me.  After working out, I came upstairs and had to enter the room Mistress was in.  The erotic shame hit all of my buttons perfectly.  After that I spent another hour dressed but was OK with it.  Like it was normal.  Well played Mistress.

Last night while getting ready for bed, Mistress expressed some reservations about putting me in the cage.  I have been so focused on why I disobey that I hadn't given much thought about the insecurities or other feelings that Mistress may have.  She didn't go deep into her feelings, but I imagine they are similar to mine.  What kind of woman keeps her man in a cage?  How will her slave react in real life if she goes through with it?  If she truly gets as mean as he wants, can he handle it?  Can she really do this?

At some point I will wish I didn't write this, but know it's necessary.  It's been five and a half years since I was put in the cage.  We were a brand new couple.  I was more insecure than I am now about submitting to her.  I was pissy and had an attitude.  It didn't work out.  Could it?  Possibly, but neither of us was equipped to do it at the time.

Fast forward to today.  The cage is set up.  It's inescapable as far as our needs.  She has sentenced me to time in the cage, and I have agreed that it's something we should explore.  I need real world consequences that have a D/s influence.  I need something that truly allows me to reflect, something to knock me down a peg, and something to enforce my place in our world.   Chastity and beatings are part of that, but they take effort and the bondage part rewards me.  While the cage is bondage-y, it's also very mundane.  I can't imagine anything more effective than to crawl out of the cage on my hands and knees at Mistress feet and thank her for the privilege of serving her.

Now for the logistics.  Starting small makes sense. I don't know how many hours Mistress has planned for me, but guess it's in the 8-12 range and counting.  Instead of my first time being overnight, maybe we start with me in the cage in 2-4 hour increments.  Having me use the restroom before hand for shorter duration's and providing a bottle to pee in for longer duration's.  What will I wear?  Naked? Chastity if my hands are free?  Feminine clothes?  Straight jacket?  Blindfold?  Hood? Humbler?

She could make cage time harder.  Have me put a spiked mat in the bottom of the cage.  Restrain me uncomfortable positions.  Plugged.  Use wooden rods to keep me in a position.

We live a busy life, so when is it a good time to lock me up if we don't do it over night?  When Mistress takes naps.  For the first half of our day on weekends.  For a few hours in the evenings.  When Mistress has nail and hair appointments.  It turns out there is a lot of time.  She could also lock me up during the days I work from home, but that would require my having access to my cell phone and a computer.  I have even considered the thought of being caged from 5pm on a Friday to 8am on a Monday.  Let out 3 times a day (while shackled) to use the restroom and stretch.  My meals would be served in the cage.  Talk about a mind fuck. 

Additionally we have a camera that could be put in the room to monitor me so Mistress doesn't have to enter the room I am locked in.  That can add to the isolation but also help her alleviate any guilt feelings.

Lastly I should remain in the cage until I am sufficiently humble.  Being pissy is not an option.  I am certain I will be pissy, but that just means I am working through some stuff in my head.  It means I need to be pushed past my inner doubts into acceptance of my submission.

All of that being said, I am ready and willing to start serving my sentence.  I want Mistress to feel secure in the idea that she can lock me up and I will take it as positively as possible.  I am not looking forward to the cage, but I am looking forward to the loss of control and Mistress being meaner.  I am also looking forward to Mistress being much more secure in taking control.  The cage should help with this.  


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