Counting days

I spend a lot of time counting days lately.  Tomorrow will be 4 weeks and Sunday will be one month since I have had an orgasm.  It is currently the longest I have gone without an orgasm in 8 or 9 years.  I have been in chastity 19 days which is the longest I have ever been locked up.  It's been 13 days since I have been close to the edge and that long since I have been able to be aroused without discomfort.  Again, another record.

It may sound like I am complaining, but quite the contrary.  I am amazed by it really.  Being locked certainly has its challenges, but with Mistress' encouragement and my own goals I am pushing ahead and enjoying it.  My fantasies are consumed with the thought of pleasuring Mistress.  Of giving her long massages.  Of giving her multiple orgasms however she wishes.  Of having my face buried in her pussy or the dildo gag in my mouth and my nose getting soaked in her juices. Of her using my cock for her pleasure without letting me cum.  Of me being inside her while we work to train me to pleasure her time after time without me being pushed past the edge.

My desire to go as long as possible without cumming is not about not having sex.  In fact I want as much sex with Mistress as possible. I want to see if the Tantric and Taoist theory's about being able to orgasm without ejaculation are possible.  I want to be a hot mess whenever Mistress uses me.  I want to feel pride and despair at the same time when Mistress makes me lock back up right after she has cum a dozen times and soaked the sheets.  I want to hear her taunting me of the orgasms she has without me.  I want to make her cum and cum and cum until she is exhausted.  I want to be teased until I am in tears and locked back up.

I am now at a point that if I had an orgasm, I would feel it was a punishment.  To go this far and to have to start back at zero would be devastating.  I get a certain amount of sub-drop or post orgasm drop after I cum and I can only imagine it would be a hundred times worse now.  Although I know ruined orgasms or prostate milking minimize the emotional drop and allow a sub to get back into that sub-space much quicker, even the slightest bit of release seems like would be more frustrating than the frustration I feel of not cumming.

I have no idea if what I just wrote makes any sense.  My mind is a bit of a mess.  My cock went hard a dozen times while writing that my brain is stewing in hormones.  I am in heaven!

 

The Key

Mistress didn't want to lose the key to my device, so it's sitting in the kitchen drawer.  It's not hidden as we recently had an issue with the key and don't want to lose it.  Eventually I would like to keep it in a lock box, but the one we have is currently being used for guests.  That being said it's a mind fuck to know where the key is and to have to have the self discipline to not use it.  A real mind fuck.

There is a little devil in my ear telling me to let myself out until this afternoon and relock just before Mistress comes home.  He tells me that even though I can let myself out that I still can't touch myself, or can I?   That same devil is telling me how I can wear whatever I want under my clothes since I will have the freedom to wear something tight and feminine.

Then another little devil whispers in my other ear about being faithful to this experience.  It tells me to read all I have written over the last couple weeks.  How much I have enjoyed learning to submit.  It's not about the device as much as it is about the concept of the device, to be locked no matter what.  To give complete control over to my Mistress and how important to me that is.  To truly be her slave.

With both devils in my ear I have to admit I am a little insecure this morning.  Does Mistress like me locked?  Does it still give her a rush to see my locked cock sticking out from my nighty?  Does it make her wet to think about me not being able to touch myself?  Is the control important to her or is she just placating me?  I hate feeling insecure about my submissiveness.  It's one of those things that makes my macho side rear its ugly head.

Switching gears, I had another gay sex dream last night.  There was a younger guy and from what I remember we were in a bar.  I called him a cutie (which is weird because there was nothing cute about him).  The next part of the dream is I remember being in a room and me having him on his back, legs together and I was fucking him in the ass, but as I did it I went soft.  I pulled out of him and my cock was only half hard.  I remember leaving the room but didn't dressed as I wanted to clean off first and couldn't.  He wanted me to stay and I didn't.  I then woke up wishing I hadn't had a dream like that.  I've had two dreams like this in the last year which are the only ones I can ever remember having.  I think Mistress' wish to see me with a man is allowing my brain to at least try it out.  I can only imagine if she was pushing the idea with videos, images and other conditioning.  The mind is an amazing thing.



      

Setting Records

I am currently setting some personal records when it comes to chastity and orgasm denial.  Other than a couple short times out of my device, I have been locked for 16 days straight and 10 days without being released for even one second.  I am pretty certain I have only been locked for 7-10 days before.  As much as I have written over the years about how uncomfortable chastity is I think it's because I never gave it enough time.  I have noticed over the last few days that I can't feel the device like I used to.  The chaffing has subsided and the constant need to adjust is gone.  There are times my brain knows I am locked, but I truly can't feel anything.  I was afraid I was going numb, but it appears I have simply gotten used to it.  I still wish I could feel my cock when I want to, but not feeling it is a constant reminder of my place.  We will see if it stays this way next week as we get back to normal life after the holidays.

Another record is the length of time I have gone without an orgasm with Mistress.  I am currently at 24 days since  have cum.  Looking back at my orgasm log  ORGASM TRACKER my previous record was 19 days and that was last January and into February.  This time is certainly different for me as I truly want to be sexual with Mistress, but I don't want to cum.  The chemicals running through my body right now are like a powerful drug.

Lastly I have worn a nighty for the last 16 nights and I am pretty sure I have never worn one 16 nights without weaseling my way out of at least one night.

I have to admit over the last couple days of wanting to be released from chastity.  When we had some company, we had a bunch of things to do around the house.  I was going to ask for release to make things easier but decided against it.  Looking back I am glad I didn't ask.  I got through it and now it makes me proud to have endured when I didn't want to.  It also kind of hot mentally to think I was locked when we had so many people here.  I was also going to ask to be unlocked yesterday when I manscaped.  One of the frequent things you read with guys in chastity is to be let out to clean and shave.  I can certainly clean myself (especially in a bath) and with a little extra effort I can shave while still locked up.  Again I am happy I didn't ask to be released as much as I wanted it.  It reaffirms in my mind that doing things I don't think I want to do end up being a turn on for me.

Mistress recently started her period.  It reminds me of something I have seen on a couple blogs.  When the Mistress starts her period, her slave is to go into chastity and remain there until her period ends.  It's to remind him to be aware of her situation as well as to make sure he shares in her discomfort.  Some even go as far as to have their man wear panty liners as a reminder.  Humiliating but I'm sure it's effective.

In short, I am setting records only because I have truly submitted.  It takes a certain mindset to have your cock locked for weeks as well as not orgasming. Especially when my mind is so focused on being sexual.  To be able to not only endure, but to look forward to additional denial is new for me.  For the first time in my life I feel like I am truly submitting and accepting what happens instead of forcing things.  
 

Conditioning

Last night Mistress mentioned she might soon free my cock and not let me make me wear a nighty so that I will sleep in which in turn lets her sleep in.

A nighty I forgot how much I like.  Comfortable and cute with just the right amount of erotic humiliation

The thing is I am now conditioned to be in this state.  I am linking chastity to this amazing feeling I get whenever I think about it.  I am wearing my nighty under my clothes right now because of the chemicals pumping through my brain makes it feel so good.  By changing my mindset, I am relishing the thoughts of servicing Mistress, chastity, orgasm denial and extended feminization.  I have allowed myself to believe this will go on for a long time, so to think it will be taken away (even for a short while) is kind of a mind fuck.  Of course I will do whatever Mistress wants but wanted her to know I am still doing amazingly well with being locked up for so long.

This got me thinking about conditioning in general.      

Conditioning: to bring (something) into the desired state for use.

Conditioning is a behavioral process whereby a response becomes more frequent or more predictable in a given environment as a result of reinforcement, with reinforcement typically being a stimulus or reward for a desired response.

Conditioning is a form of learning in which either (1) a given stimulus (or signal) becomes increasingly effective in evoking a response or (2) a response occurs with increasing regularity in a well-specified and stable environment.

Conditioning is something that is in every single relationship.  In a vanilla relationship there are verbal and physical ways a person can get their partner to behave.  A man might come home and he will hang up his coat and put his things away.  He didn't do this when they first started living together, but he has been conditioned to do it.  Or how a certain look can get the other partner to change what they were doing.  These are all learned responses.

I have been thinking about conditioning in a D/s relationship.  There are many articles, mostly about training, but not a lot of real world examples.  Here are some that I found that was male submissive focused.

• Classical conditioning works on a subconscious level. If you experience A and B at the same time, and A causes C, then after enough paired repetitions, B will cause C. For example, if you jerk a man off while licking his nipples, and only lick his nipples when jerking him off, eventually you can give him an erection just by licking his nipples. The possibilities are endless.

• My favorite thing to do is to condition a sub to want something he wouldn't normally want, something that pushes or tests his limits. With enough work you can get him to anticipate and even ask for such things. Pick something within your pet’s hard limits he wouldn’t want, something he would never ask for. Perhaps something you use as a punishment that you happen to enjoy. Maybe just something humiliating. When playing with your sub, and I mean physically stimulating him in some way, tell him what you are going to do to him. Don’t be skimpy on the details, elaborate as best you can. You want his mind focused on it. After you go through the of details of how, tell him what it’s going to feel like. You can repeat yourself if you run out of things to say about it. Keep him as hard as you can while you’re telling him all this. When your sub is all worked up and eager for orgasm, and fully anticipating his fate, make him ask for it. Don’t give in though, make him keep asking. After a little while, make him beg for it. Tell him to make it convincing. Have him tell you how much he wants it, and why. Only once you are really convinced do you follow through. This works surprisingly fast compared to the other examples because it uses a secondary trick. Just as people who are forced to smile tend to feel happy even if they weren’t happy before, a person begs for something, finds themselves really wanting it.

• Allow your slave to play with himself when sucking your strapon only. After awhile your slave will be aroused by the thought of sucking cock. Any cock.

• Have your sissy watch gay-porn if you want your sissy to get bi-curious. Dress her up, talk in her ear about what you see and keep her on edge constantly during the scenes. You'll condition her to like it.

• This is not mandatory, but will speed up the success you will have in your training.  Google Femdom, cross dressing, sissy, or cock sucking hypnosis and find all that you can find.  Preview the files before putting them on his phone so you know what kind of training you would like him to have.  Try to build this library up all the time, and find the best ones that suit your training style and require him to listen to them every night and/or morning.

• My sub-hubby has been conditioned to be aroused only when he can smell my pussy.  Whenever we have sex, a tease and denial session or if I allow him to masturbate he must be breathing my scent through his nose.  Anytime his cock is being stimulated he either has his face in my pussy or he has a pair of my dirty panties over his nose.  I have done this long enough that he can no longer get off and sometimes he can't even get an erection without the smell of my pussy.  I own his brain!

• Frequent use of the strap-on, coupled with extended chastity can have the effect of essentially re-wiring the pleasure centers in his brain. By stimulating his prostate, while denying him any direct stimulation of his penis, he will, over time, begin to associate his own sexual pleasure with anal penetration.  What you want to do, about once every twenty days, is release him from chastity, proceed to fuck him with the strap-on and give him a good hard fucking. Initially you will stroke his cock a lot.  You want him to cum like that while you’re still all up in his ass. After his penis goes soft, immediately lock him back up. He needs to feel that immediate authority from you. As time goes on  you will reduce the amount of direct cock stimulation he gets until he is cumming from the strap-on only.  Keep this up and he will, over time, go from resisting the strap-on, to tolerating it, to enjoying it, to craving it. But only if you keep his penis locked up 24/7 and don’t otherwise allow him to cum. If you have the patience and determination to maintain the discipline, you will see how effective it is. After a while, he’ll start putting his ass up for you frequently and spontaneously, like a bitch in heat, because he needs and wants that stimulation. You can effectively cause the same physical/psychological conditioning regarding him sucking cock, if you want to. It’s a little more complicated, but can be just as effective. I’m currently in the process of doing exactly this with my hubby. By the end of the summer, my goal is to get him to the point where he associates sucking cock with his own orgasmic relief.

Stuff running through my mind

Instead of a topic, this post is just a bunch or random stuff going through my mind.

I was given a list of tasks today.  I enjoy being able to help Mistress with things she feels need to be done.  On top of it she added the kinky task of my butt plug.  2 times in less than a week.  I feel very fortunate.  I also vacuumed the house as I know Mistress wanted it done even though she didn't ask me to.

Chastity is still going very, very well.  I don't know my record being locked up, but believe it's in the 10-14 day range.  I have gone far longer without cumming, but that doesn't really count any longer.    Normally I feel sorry for myself or get pissy because I am not getting other D/s, but my mindset has changed.  For some reason, chastity feels right this time around.  I mention this to let Mistress know I am really ok with staying locked up or released for some fun and locked right back up.  If this changes or I am having issues, I will communicate and not let it build up.

Nighty.  Mistress is continuing to have me wear a nighty.  Here is last night's.  This one is a little tight but it certainly goes straight to my head.  I have been in such a mood the last 3 days I have worn my nighty long after I woke up.  It's too cold to wear it by itself, but I put my pajama pants and shirt on over the nighty.  I am able to still feel the straps and the bottom of the nighty.  It makes me feel very naughty.  I imagine having to wear my nighty under my clothes some nights before Mistress gets home from work as well when I get up.  In the summer, nighty only.

Errands.  With the mood I am in I can sexualize just about anything.  When I go to the dry cleaners I imagine Mistress only having me drop off my feminine clothes.  Or even worse, just one item that clearly is a little slutty and in my size.   At Walmart or Costco, I imagine Mistress telling me to buy something feminine with the other things.  Today they had women's Speedo one piece swimsuits at Costco.  I imagined having one that I would have to wear in our hot tub.

Orgasm without ejaculation.  I have been doing a lot of reading on this topic and it seems like it's something that can occur with some practice.  The best part is that it seems multiple orgasms can be achieved.  I can only imagine the mindset I would have going months without post orgasm let down.

Massage.  Mouth, fingers and toys.  Until I am up to a stage where I can orgasm without cumming, I have thought A LOT about serving Mistress with my hands, mouth, and toys.  I want to tease (in a good way to build up an orgasm).  I want to make her write with pleasure and squirt all over.  I want to be able to know her body like I never have so that she can derive the most amazing pleasure.  And the best part is my needs don't matter.  If she wants my cock in her, I will do that.  If she wants me locked up I will do that.  I just want to make her cum over and over and over again until she is spent.  

Communication.  Mistress warned me the other day that she would need time to ramp up into more of a D/s mindset.  I completely understand.  I tend to get over excited, however this time around I have a different mindset.  I have no preconceived notions of things happening.  I want to enjoy my chastity and denial and focus that energy into pleasing and serving Mistress.  I am excited to focus on Mistress pleasure sexually, and while I still want intercourse I'm hoping to delay my next ejaculation as long as possible.  I can appreciate Mistress wanting to take getting back into D/s slow.  To help me with it, I just need a little bit of encouragement.  Tasks, picking out my nighty or other naughty items, and occasionally bringing up my situation in a naughty way will go a long way.  I get mentally insecure, so for me to know I am doing something that turns Mistress on in some way is a great way to take away any doubt I may have.

     

Adding a 3rd person

In the past, Mistress and I have discussed adding a 3rd person occasionally to our play.  Mistress is bi-sexual, and has played with women as well as group sex in the past.  Most of our conversations have revolved around her and another woman dominating me.  I have encouraged her plenty of times to have a girl on the side.  We kind of perused it years ago, but a one-night stand is more likely than her having an actual relationship.

Mistress will occasionally let me know that she would love to see me with a guy.  I am not bi-sexual.  I can certainly look at a guy and see that he has a good body or that he is good looking.  What I can't do is make the jump from thinking a guy is nice looking to wanting to do something sexual with a guy.  For the most part I think guys are kind of gross.  I don't like body hair which is one reason I shave.  I think cum is disgusting. Even if I could clone myself, I wouldn't have sex with me.

So where does this put us?  I can certainly imagine us occasionally playing with a woman.  Hiring a professional escort or Domme would make sense as it avoids the issue of emotional connections.  A great example is found on this blog Girl Sex with the Escort!!!!   Also, starting with a woman would break me into the idea of a 3rd person as I have never had that before.

But what about a guy???  I can't rule it out.  Mistress has been great at fulfilling my fantasies.  I would like to fulfill hers as well.  I try to keep an open mind and imagine how it would look.  Whenever I imagine it, it is somewhat of a process.  It starts with Mistress and I going deeper into a D/s relationship.  We would be going through some of my softer limits, getting me used to the idea of getting to my hard limits.  Some of my semi hard limits would be piss play, cross-dressing in public, etc.  Be crossing these limits and me being ok, would allow me to more easily consider crossing my hard limits.   She would be using a psychological term called conditioning.  The idea of conditioning would be to tie my pleasure to an idea.  The more I can link my pleasure to the idea of another gut the more likely it could happen.  Some ways I imagine she could use conditioning.

• During our teasing sessions she would tell me of her fantasies of me with men
• Any time I was let out of chastity I would have to be plugged.
• The only time she would stroke my cock is if I had a dildo in my mouth or ass
• Our fucking machine
• All edging would be with Mistress using her strapon.  The goal to make me cum from anal sex alone.
• Tying me down and making me watch gay porn while teasing me
• Making me perform oral sex on dildos before I was allowed to be unlocked
• Mistress pointing out men to me she would like to see me with
• Going to gay bars
• Cum eating, cum cubes, simulated cum, etc.
• Making me write male on male stories
• Finding an online Mater to get me used to sexual interaction with a male.
• "sissy conditioning" - Goole has many hits
• Erotic Hypnosis

In short we are a long way from doing something like this if we ever will.  It will take some time, but with a D/s dynamic I can see it possibly happening somewhere down the line.  

Semen Retention

My recent post on chastity in non-kink relationships had me doing more research.  One of the commentators on that blog mentioned something called "semen retention".  The short version means "no ejaculation".  The long version is that by not ejaculating you retain sexual energy which has many benefits.  Additionally, the term is for ejaculation only, it doesn't mean the man doesn't orgasm.  This practice separates the orgasm from ejaculation so that the man still has orgasms (in some cases multiple orgasms), but by not ejaculating he doesn't have the post-ejaculation let down.  I am still trying to wrap my head around cumming without cumming, but it does sound exciting.

This concept is not new.  Taoists in China have have taught semen retention for centuries.  There are different versions.  One where the man ejaculates infrequently (21 days to 3-6 months), or a different version where he never comes or never gets close to the edge.  The later version also can involve a woman, and she never gets close to the edge either.  They tout it as a more spiritual way of love making.  My goal is to make sure Mistress has as many orgasms as possible so we won't be practicing that one.

Most of the info I found was a non-kinky variety, which adds credibility for me.  As I have practiced orgasm denial for many years, I was surprised how much of what I get out of it, is what non-kink people get out of it.  The thing that surprised me the most was the amount of sleep one needs.  After long periods of orgasm denial I can't sleep a full night.  I thought that was a bad thing.  It turns out, one of the supposed benefits of not cumming is actually needing less sleep due to increased energy.

As I said, I have enjoyed orgasm denial for some time.  However D/s is a big part of my sexuality.  To make orgasm denial more D/s oriented, wearing a chastity device fits the bill.  Being unlocked for only one purpose (to pleasure my Mistress) makes me feel even more submissive.

The most exciting part of this is the possibility of having orgasms without cumming.  I remember when I was a kid and learning about my body.  I learned to masturbate before I was old enough to ejaculate.  I could go forever.  When I had my first orgasm, I was excited because I was becoming mature, but I was also bummed that I had to stop masturbating as soon as I came.  Recently Mistress had me tied to the bed.  She had me on the edge and was using the Hitachi on the area between my balls and butt.  She managed to keep me from cumming and looking back I was likely having orgasms.  It was incredibly intense and if I can learn to do that while we are having sex, I will be a very lucky man.

To conclude, semen retention is something I really want to explore.  Semen retention doesn't mean we are not having sex.  If anything it means we are having lots of sex whether it be intercourse, oral sex, or masturbation.  To train me to be able to have sex, have orgasms and not ejaculate would be a huge win for us as a couple.  Even if we don't get to the point of me having ejaculation free orgasms, I can see no benefit for us as a couple for me to ejaculate more than a handful of times a year.  

http://authentictantra.com/semen-retention-and-how-it-will-change-your-life/

http://www.therooster.com/blog/it-hurts-us-say-here-are-11-good-reasons-why-men-should-stop-orgasming

http://deviwardtantra.com/magical-power-semen-retention/

http://scandalouswomen.com/orgasmic-benefits-of-male-orgasm-denial/

http://deviward.me/2011/01/11/semen-retention-what-is-it-why-bother/

OMG!

It has now been a little over 2 weeks since I have had an orgasm, and 8 days I have been in chastity.  I am riding a wave of sexual energy that has me on cloud-9.  When I think of chastity and orgasm denial this is what it is about.

I have to give Mistress a lot of credit.  Her "recalibration" email was done perfectly at the perfect time.  I have gone back and read emails from 5 years ago after we first met.  Had I not been so difficult, we would be much deeper into D/s than we currently are.  Reading those emails has me committed to doing what it takes to make it happen.  Looking back, Mistress had all the right ideas.  She had rules, protocols, she asked lots of questions and would remind me of what I had asked for.  That being said, I am committing to getting us to where we should be.  It was me that messed it up so it's me that needs to fix it.  I need to submit like I never have and do things without question.  

Mistress and I recently spent a couple nights away from home.  We had a couple days to talk about where things are headed.  I confessed that I thought Mistress has been far to kind with allowing me to orgasm.  Going back through a lot of those emails, I realized some of our best sex was when I didn't cum.  It took a long time to convince her back then that I didn't need to cum.  I remember her trying to make me cum and me refusing.  We had a ton of great sex we were both satisfied.  My favorite was to give her multiple orgasms and then to have her push me off and tell me she was done with me.  To me that was the epitome of a female led relationship.

I communicated that while wearing my chastity device was somewhat difficult, I am committed to being locked up for as long as possible.  While I am pretty good at being chaste without a device, the device enforces the D/s aspect of our relationship.  Also, now that I have changed my mindset regarding a device, it is easier to wear.  I confessed to Mistress that I can imagine my cock being locked for the rest of my life, only to be let out for her pleasure.  I can imagine being unlocked almost daily, just long enough to make love to Mistress and when she has had her fill of orgasms I would be immediately locked up.  I can imagine never touching my cock again.  All of my pleasure would come from Mistress.  I wouldn't become one of the chastity slaves that cum when the wind blows.  I would be a chastity slave can make Mistress cum again and again while holding my own orgasm back.

All of this talk got Mistress and I worked up.  We headed back to our room and proceeded to get naked.  I begged Mistress to not unlock me as I wanted to make sure I pleased her and I also didn't want to accidentally cum.  Much to my surprise Mistress let me go down on her.  Oral sex is something Mistress rarely lets me do.  Some guy in her past fucked it up for her and that is a shame.  As a submissive male, giving oral sex huge.  Giving oral sex and using my fingers while my cock is locked up is priceless.  To me, kissing and licking her pussy should be a frequent occurrence. She has some concerns about the scent.  Scent is an incredibly powerful trigger for me.  Scent has a way of getting to the brain more than any other stimuli. For me, the smell of leaves on the ground in the fall takes me back to junior high.  Scent is one thing you see me posting about frequently.  Thinking of having a pair of Mistress dirty panties or tights stretched over my nose while my mouth is taped closed makes my head spin.  Spending hours between Mistress legs does the same for me.  

Mistress did order me to unlock and put my cock inside her.  For the most part I was able to pleasure her with my cock, but frequently had to stop so that I didn't cum.  I was so happy she didn't order me to orgasm.  I managed to give Mistress many orgasms, mostly with my fingers.  She came so hard and squirted so much that it reminded me of the old days.  I love watching her cum.  I love making love to her.  I love pleasing her sexually.  As we "recalibrate" I would like to spend much more time pleasuring Mistress.  I want to re-learn her body.  I want to make her cum and cum and cum.  Since I am committed to not having an orgasm for quite some time, I want to focus that energy on her.

When Mistress was fulfilled, she ordered me to clean off and to lock myself back in chastity.  I was happy to do so.  Even though I didn't cum, I was incredibly satisfied with the sex.  I felt fulfilled as a submissive and by not cumming I am still as turned on without any let down.

While Mistress and I were getting ready for dinner she asked me my thoughts on playing with a 3rd person.  We have spoken about this many times in the past so it wasn't a surprise.  I will post about that in another post as I want this post to be about pleasing Mistress.  

  

 

Revving Up

Last night I woke up around 1 AM with a raging hard on that made sleeping near impossible.  I felt so naughty in my nighty with my cock straining against my chastity device.  Every time I moved I felt naughtier.  I tried to distract myself with thoughts of work or home improvement or practicing some gambling for an upcoming trip.  For the most part I could only distract myself for a few minutes at a time before I was reminded of my situation.  It was frustrating, but a very, very hot frustration.

At 2 AM I had to get up and let the dog out.  I kept my nighty on as I walked through the house looking for my robe.  If someone was looking they could have seen me, but it was too early.  Either way I felt so self aware and slutty walking around the house like that.


This morning Mistress left early and I woke up to am email telling me to be plugged for at least 2 hours.  I woke up so horny, I plugged myself immediately.  I kept my nighty on, knelt on the floor and rested my chest on the tub so I could insert my big plug.  I was soooo tight.  I love the full feeling and hate the emptiness that comes when I remove it.  Moving around I can feel it rub against my prostate.  I felt like such a slut that I kept my nighty on while I right this.  It's cold, so I am wearing a robe, but I am sitting on my plug stuffed ass, in a nighty, in chastity while I did my other assigned tasks and while I write this.  I have to run an errand before 8:30 which is the soonest I can take my plug out, so I will have to wear it to the hardware store.  I love being such a slut.  I just wish we didn't have people coming over today.  I would love to slut all over the house today...I don't go back to work until Jan 4th, so maybe I will have some time.

I ran my errand.  I was so sub-spacey walking around the hardware store.  My eyes wanted to roll back in my head as my prostate got rubbed.  I loved being locked as well.  I should have thrown on a bra just to complete the effect.  I am so worked up.  Unfortunately, my ass is a little out of training so I will make it to 3 hours and will take it out wishing I didn't have to.

  

The last 24 hours has had me seriously considering long term chastity.  By changing my mindset I have taken it from a chore to something more like a gift to my Mistress.  My current device was state of the art 8 years ago, but the device that traps the balls to keep it on, is a dated design especially for someone with a pierced cock.  I have come across a few devices that seem to have all the benefits of a device without any of the down sides.  Essentially they cover the head and foreskin of the cock.  Between the tightness when hard and the lack of stimulation, it prevents orgasm.  The nice thing is it doesn't tug and pinch a million different ways.  Men report it being the most comfortable device they have ever worn.  If Mistress decides to keep me locked indefinitely, it would be something to pursue.

Ruined Orgasms

Just some ruined orgasm stuff that has my mind spinning.

Nice description - http://ruinedorgasm.tumblr.com/post/133197697924/hardonebattle

I dream of this...

Who Knew?

In my list of sites I like to keep up on, I came across a blog someone was following and commented on.  It's a blog written from a Christian wife's perspective.  They are not in a D/s relationship and there is no "porn" aspect to her postings.  She is no prude.  She teases him and makes sure he is always aware of his situation, they just don't get into the kinky part of chastity.  It's a matter of fact blog about how and why they ended up using male chastity.

Essentially she found out her husband was masturbating a lot and had nothing left for her.  She also felt she had to perform sexually for him.  By using chastity he now performs for her.  In the past she used to give blow jobs as she believed taking care of his needs was her Christian duty as a wife.  Now he services her (mainly while locked).  She also commented on how a lot of women don't like guys going down on them, because they feel like they have to reciprocate and go down on him.  With chastity they no longer have to reciprocate and in turn can enjoy receiving oral sex.  He comes so infrequently she has to put numbing cream and a condom on him when she wants penetrative sex without him cumming too fast.        

I used to be a chronic masturbator.  However over the years I have learned that I like the feeling of "wanting" an orgasm more than getting an orgasm.  Since I also don't like wearing a device I am pretty darn good with the honor system.  Being in chastity a few times over the last couple months I have learned of one downside to the honor system.  It's that I can easily slip into no desire for sex or arousal.  If I get busy, or have some other interest come up, sexuality can easily take a back seat.  By being in a device, there is absolutely no way for sexuality to take a back seat.  I can be typing, driving, moving boxes, watching TV, cooking, reading, talking to a customer, essentially no matter what I do I am thinking about my locked cock which triggers my sexuality.

For me chastity has been a kink.  D/s is a part of who I am so I will always need it in some way.  That being said, I took a lot of interest in her writing.  There is a mindset of hers that I can use when I am locked up.  Mainly that I will be locked up because it's important to my Mistress.  She isn't "making" me do it, she is asking me to do it and I want to do it for her.  If I do it with love in my heart, knowing what it does to me, it's a win-win for both of us.

In conclusion, I always feel I am a little weird between my desire for D/s, femdom, feminization, chastity, etc.  After a little more research, chastity seems to have transcended the kink world and is a little more mainstream and normal than I ever would have guessed.  I feel a little less weird than I did before I found this blog,

A post of hers - http://mychastehubby.blogspot.com/2015/08/10-outside-box-teasing-ideas.html

Chastity, Feminization, Humiliation and internet stuff

I just wanted to take a few minutes to share some thoughts during the last couple days.

Chastity.  In the past I would be locked up as a punishment, or to prevent touching when we are apart, but mostly as punishment.  Mistress hasn't communicated why I am locked up, so I am calling it "because I said so", which I find pretty fucking hot.  Last night we went to a party and Mistress asked if I could wear a certain pair of jeans while locked.  I told her I could but I would certainly take any opportunity to be out.  While one side of me appreciates the gesture of being released the other half feels it's my job to take it even if it is uncomfortable. I wear baggy pants for working around the house and running errands, but can certainly be in chastity in tight jeans while sitting for a meal, hanging out a friends house, going to a movie or standing at a party.  As soon as I got up this morning I put on my device.  I wanted to show Mistress that I am submitting no matter what.  If I have to debate whether or not I should do something submissive or not, I will just assume the answer is yes, I need to submit.

Nighties.  As much as I like to think wearing a nighty every night makes it normal and it loses it's edge, it doesn't.  No matter how much into feminization I get into I can;t every imagine it feeling "normal" to me, nor do I want it to.  I like the erotic humiliation I feel.  I love/hate how I feel in the morning when I walk into our bathroom in the morning and Mistress sees me in a nighty.  It's a great mind fuck.

Humiliation.  I have been thinking about this a lot, especially as it pertains to chastity and feminization.  As I was reading emails from 5 years ago, when I first revealed my feminine side to Mistress, I was reminded of her making me show her my entire wardrobe.  She made me try on every single thing and decided what I could keep and what I had to donate to goodwill.  She made me get rid of the really slutty stuff and focused on things that made me look sexy.  Playing that back in my mind, I remember the humiliation and how much I loved it.  I think of Mistress making me do the same thing again, just for the humiliation aspect.  I think of her making my lie on top of the covers in my nighty for a bit before bed, since I currently hide myself under them.  I think of having to get up and change into girls clothes, even if it's and a girls shirt (bra added of course).  I think of her making comments when I am locked in chastity.  Things like "how does it feel to not be able to feel your cock?", "Don't you wish you could get a hard on?", "You liked being locked up for me don't you?".  "you deserve chastity don't you?"  "I had an orgasm today, thinking about you locked up for me." I dream about her frequently rubbing my device or making me open my pants to show her or making me post pictures of me in chastity.  The mental aspect of this is just as exciting as the physical.

To end, here are some postings that really spoke to me on Friday.

I have frequently thought about Mistress cuckolding me with another woman.  This 2 part story is probably one of the hottest I have ever read, and I think a lot of it is because I am pretty sure it;s true and not some dude's fantasy.  This is the same woman that I quote frequently.

Part one Husband Punished by Wife in front of Escort
Part two Girl Sex with the Escort!!!!

A blog post...

I believe we are at the two week mark today.  Two weeks of chastity and denial for him.

Two weeks of fantastic orgasms and borderline-sadistic torturing for me.

Last night was no exception. He knows he is not allowed to have an orgasm and must beg me to stop whatever I am doing to prevent that or be punished. I rode him until I was satisfied, then made him ride my Feeldoe until he was edged to my satisfaction.

Then, with him cuffed and collared, I used my vibrator on his incredibly sensitive cock until he was literally writhing and begging me to stop before he was unable to control himself any longer.

I kissed him on the forehead and went to sleep, leaving him a molten mess - which, truth be told, is exactly where he longs to be.

Frustrated to the edge of insanity. – KH

A picture...

This must be the best ruined orgasm I have seen.  It's like a full 5 seconds from when she quits stroking him to him spurting.

            

Thoughts over the last few days

I am back from my road trip.  Last night when I got home, I was fully expecting to have my nighty and chastity device laid our for me.  All that was laid out for me was my nighty.  I was relieved and at the same time a teeny bit disappointed.  While I obviously don't want to be in chastity, I do want to be controlled and there are not many better ways than chastity to control someone.

This morning my device was on my vanity and with no discussion I started to put it on.  I double checked that I was supposed to as I didn't want to be a pushy bottom.  Just writing these few sentences has my cock straining in its metal prison.  What's unique this time is I know I am locked, but beyond that I have no more information about my chastity status.  That's hot.  

Looking back over my trip.  We have had so much going on for so long that I haven't done any real edging.  That changed the last few days. I was so horny fantasizing about what Mistress could have made me do that I got myself very worked up.  On past trips Mistress would usually give me an orgasm before I left and required me to masturbate to completion (and record it) while I was gone.  I am certain this was to keep my libido in check.  This time there was none of that.  My last orgasm was last Thursday night.  Since Mistress didn't drain my balls I got myself into quite the mental frenzy.  I had these fantasies as soon as I left but didn't want to reveal them while I was gone for fear of having to do them.  Many of my edges were thinking of Mistress giving me masturbation instructions.  Recording myself masturbating in my hand and making me eat it (or making me do it on video chat).  I would be so hard for me to do with me hundreds of miles away.  The drop in my libido along with how much I hate cum as well as the humiliation of recording it or being watched.  I would only do it knowing the consequences of not doing it.  I also fantasized of recording myself cumming with my legs up and behind me so that my cock was pointed straight at my face and make me cum all over my face and in my mouth.  I imagined her making me stand naked (or in a bra and panties) at my hotel window for 5-10 minutes while she watched me on Face Time.  I am not an exhibitionist so even 5 minutes would feel like an eternity.

For additional ideas to edge to I went back through some old emails of ours from 5 years ago.  January of 2011 is when I started revealing my feminine desires.  The stories we shared, the support Mistress gave me.  As much as she likes me in nighties and other feminine clothes, it's hard to believe she never thought about feminizing a guy until I introduced it to her.  I really loved wearing naughty things under my clothes for our dates.

The hardest part of reading those emails is that we really were on our way to a fairly hard-core 24/7 dynamic.  Had I not been so difficult I can only dream how much of a slave I would be today.  Being freshly out of a bad marriage, I fought certain aspects of submitting fully to Mistress.  I made it too much work and added to much uncertainty to someone that was really embracing a Female Led Relationship.  I wish I could go back 5 years and tell that guy to submit fully.  Being that we have such a good relationship now, and Mistress knowing me so well, I'm looking forward to our recalibration.  There will be some challenges but the reward will be worth it.  I am so in love.

      

Recalibration

I am currently away from home and my Mistress.  I am out of town working and last night attended a Christmas get together with co-workers.  As I was just starting my evening at the restaurant, I got a text telling me to check my email when I had a break.  Of course I couldn't wait.  I immediately checked my email while being very aware of my surroundings.  I have had a submissive mind since I was a pre-teen, and have spent 30 years with D/s as a part of my life.  The email I got was one of the hottest communications I have ever received.  I have read it and re-read it many times,  I like it so much I am immortalizing it here...

cal·i·brate

ˈkaləˌbrāt/

verb

1. mark (a gauge or instrument) with a standard scale of readings.

o correlate the readings of (an instrument) with those of a standard in order to check the instrument's accuracy.

o adjust (experimental results) to take external factors into account or to allow comparison with other data.

When you return tomorrow night, we are going to revisit (or recalibrate) standards of excellence and go forward expectations. I will leave you with a picture to remind you of home...

What you are seeing is my steel chastity device with the most humiliating of my nighties.  The nighty is something what was purchased at a Wal-Mart many years ago.  It's the kind of nighty some guy that is clueless would buy his wife as a gift.  It's Cheap.  It's tacky. The padding in the cups is excessive.  The colors are many shades of pink and lavender.  It's incredibly see thru.  When I wake up in it I have a great deal of erotic shame.  It's not a nighty I would ever choose for myself so it is a perfect choice for D/s purposes.

Other than nighties and chastity I have no other clue what Mistress has in mind.  I am excited, but also trying to be careful of what I wish for.  Just writing this post has my cock incredibly hard.  No matter what happens to me, I know I need it.  I am looking forward to re-calibrating my submissive brain and yearn be the best slave a Mistress could have.  Regardless of what is asked of me it is my goal to obey, learn and serve. I really want Mistress to enjoy having control over me and benefit from it so that it feeds a desire in her to be more and more in control of me.  I am up for the challenge what ever it may be.  My head is spinning in a good way...

Hungover, Horny and Homesick

I am currently out of town on business.  Last night I had dinner and drinks with a co-worker and drank a little too much.  This morning I could have slept in, but I ended up with my common hangover horniness keeping me from falling back to sleep.

Mistress had decided to not do any D/s stuff with me on the road, which in some ways is nice, but at the same time my slutty little self misses it.  As I tossed and turned trying to fall back to sleep I imagined being locked in my plastic chastity device for the trip since it won’t set off a metal detector.  In addition to being locked I imagined being in a nighty and thinking of my locked cock wanting to rub the fabric.  I fantasized about having magic marker writing all over me or having a fake tramp stamp tattoo on my back or finding panties hidden in my suitcase.  I thought about Mistress using her strap-on on me and ignoring my cock while making me thrust myself on her cock.  I got excited thinking about being fully dressed up as Sophia.  I dreamt about an upcoming trip we have to the mountains and Mistress finding ways to tease and/or torture me in our hotel.  I edged myself at least a dozen times thinking about Mistress being mean to me and I managed to not spill even one drop of cum.  It has been weeks since I have edged, I forgot how good it felt.  I was really riding on the edge and it felt amazing.  In short, I am a little worked up thinking about my Mistress and miss her so much.

Freed

Last Thursday I was in chastity at 4am not knowing when I would get my release.  At a minimum I had planned on 2-3 days.  I went about my day obviously thinking about my cock the entire day.  While waiting for Mistress to come home I was watching some porn with a male Dom and a female submissive.  I found in interesting the only time I have watched porn in weeks is when I am locked in chastity and even then it wasn't Femdom.

When Mistress got home we went to happy hour with some friends.  Almost the entire time I was reminded of my locked cock.  When we got home we hung out a bit before bed and when we got into bed I got a little frisky with Mistress.  She told em to go get some towels for the bed.  I reminded her I was locked and she said "oh yeah".  She went to grab the key to my device and we were quickly having sex.  Between my stupid libido and alcohol I begged Mistress to lock me back up and make me wear my nighty as soon as I came.  She said I would certainly be wearing a nighty but didn't say anything about chastity.  I came in no time and as we cleaned up Mistress reminded me of my nighty. Of course I had a post orgasm let down and as much as I didn't want to wear it, I was in no hurry to go back into chastity so I complied.

Friday morning Mistress commented on how lucky I was to be out of chastity.  I don't think that she planned on letting me out so soon and I was surprised and fortunate that she didn't lock me back up once she realized I was free.

Friday night I didn't put on a nighty as we had a niece staying with us.  However both Saturday and Sunday I put on a nighty without being reminded.  The humiliation I feel when I have to do it without a word from her is hard to describe.  In my own mind I imagine I am "forced" to wear one.  I could certainly choose not to wear one and Mistress could choose not to dominate me.  So instead of "forced" I call it "coerced".  Either way I feel a little slutty wearing one and I like that Mistress makes me do it.

As much as I hate being locked there is no denying it's effect on my behavior as well as my libido.  I always play back my time in head and end up aroused.  


The day I was locked up I saw this online and thought "that's kind of hot".

 

      

some links that spoke to me today.

http://sensationlevels.tumblr.com/post/134830621506/4am-desires-and-this-is-why-massages-are

http://houstonsubblog.tumblr.com/post/133344328343/chastitypoet-ohilovemymuffinboy-the

http://tdenialman.tumblr.com/post/133627053487/madamekeyholding-he-needed-to-roll-above-nine

Do the crime, do the time...

Last night after Mistress went to sleep, I checked my email.  There was an email from her for my tasks she needed me to do today.  After a couple of standard couple tasks, the last one was telling me that I was to lock myself in chastity and send her a picture.  Since she wanted a picture I think she was ok with me waiting until after she left for work.  As much as I hate to admit it, getting that email made my cock super hard and my mind started racing.  I even considered locking myself up right then and there, but decided against it so I could sleep.  I woke up around 4, and half the time I can go back to sleep.  But between the nighty Mistress had me wearing and knowing I would be locked up for some unknown time, I couldn't fall back to sleep.  Stupid submissive mind...

I got out of bed and put on my device right away.  I also sent her a picture  to make sure I followed her instructions to the letter.

While I could have likely delayed it, I figured the sooner I started the sooner it would be over.  Also my male testosterone in the morning makes me more susceptible to naughtiness.  As much as I hate chastity I can honestly say I am OK with it since I disobeyed Mistress.  Being punished (whether chastity or other means) resets my submissive button.  I don't purposely misbehave to bring D/s back.  I get insecure and my mind reverts back to trying to be a macho male.  My macho male side convinces my dormant submissive mind that it's OK to disobey.  I am lucky that Mistress reminds me of my place, my submissiveness gets restored and I am in the right frame of mind for quite some time.

Yesterday I was feeling naughty and wanted to show Mistress how I was feeling.  I wore some fishnet type stockings under my work clothes all day.  I also ran to the local grocery store and imagined what people would think if they knew what I was wearing.  I kind of wish I wore it until bedtime so Mistress could verbally taunt me for being such a slut.

Next week I will be out of town for 2 nights on a business trip.  I have been fantasizing about ideas to keep me D/s focused.

• Getting a brutal ass spanking before I go so that every time I sit I think of Mistress.
• A lock being locked in my cock piercing.
• Being written on in permanent marker all over my body.
• After laying out my clothes, Mistress would finish packing my suitcase to surprise me when I got to my hotel.

Now that I am in chastity the mind won't stop racing.  I am a little bit of a mess right now with all of the ideas going through my head.

To finish, here is a random Throwback Thursday post.

http://missbossybitchsboy.blogspot.com/2014/10/in-my-mind.html

 

 

Recent Happenings

It's been two and a half weeks since my last post.  Our lives have been hectic lately so we're lucky just to be doing our day to day stuff.

Last week Mistress and I had an early morning quicky and she whispered all sorts of naughty things in my ear.   Normally it takes me a long time to get to the edge in the morning, but her comments and her pussy got me there quickly.  She told me noticed that I had only been wearing men's underwear and that she wanted to start seeing me in naughty underclothes and that particular day she wanted me to send her a picture.  Said also wanted my fingernails painted clear or subtle pink as well as for me to wear a nighty at night.  In no time I was ready to cum which Mistress allowed me to do.

Of course I had post orgasm drop, and our lives were still very hectic so I chose not to do what I was told to do.  In my mind it was not so much an order but a suggestion, but that was just an excuse.

On Friday night Mistress noticed I hadn't done what I was told to do and she told me I would be going into chastity on Saturday.  She also had me put on a nighty immediately.  She commented on how if I didn't obey orders she would stop giving them, that stuck in my mind. The next morning Mistress said I would be given a temporary reprieve until Monday due to us having so much work to do around the house.  I was relieved.   Saturday night Mistress fell asleep on the couch  It would have been a perfect opportunity "forget" my nighty.  I was hoping to get out of my chastity punishment, so I put on the nighty before bed not even sure if she knew I wore it.

That night I woke up in the middle of the night and was trying to think of alternative punishments to chastity to recommend.  A through spanking came to mind, but that obviously takes effort on her part.  It's supposed to be my punishment not hers.  I thought of having to wear a bra 24/7 until she decided I was punished thoroughly enough.  That may be as bad as chastity.  Then I thought of a particularly devious one.  Recently I have been mentioning "corner time" and realized we have a perfect setup for it to make it effective and easy to implement.  We have a new security camera setup.  I could take a camera or 2 and set them up to monitor the punishment.  These cameras have motion detection.  Mistress could sentence me to an hour or 2 of corner time, make me set up the cameras and a phone timer and I would be stuck.  Any motion detected would add additional time now or later.  To add to the misery I could be put in a public part of the house and/or made to wear a bra, panties, and heels to add discomfort.  She could check on me or just let the motion detection do the job.

In the end I decided not to be a pushy bottom and not recommend any deviations from her plans. I managed to fall back asleep for a few more hours.  Upon waking Sunday morning I painted my nails clear (I couldn't find my subtle polish) and left the bottle out for Mistress to find.  I was hoping that eventually doing as ordered would lessen my punishment.

On Monday morning I got up and started to do some work around the house.  Monday was supposed to be chastity day and I was dreading it but knew I deserved whatever she decided to do to me.  I was willing to go into chastity but couldn't bring myself to reminder her in case she forgot.  The closer it got to Mistress leaving for work, the more nervous I got.  I expected to be summoned to our bedroom or to have her bring the device to me but neither happened.  I was relieved for the time being.  That night Mistress told me we needed to have a date night so I could be beaten for not obeying.  She told me she hadn't forgotten.  As it turns out or schedule is busy again so a traditional date night of going out is not the best option.  I was trying to figure out a time but it's either tonight, this weekend or next week.

All of that being said, things are getting a little more back to normal.  I wore some panties yesterday which now has me ramped up a bit.  While I don't want to go into chastity, I need to be punished one way or another.  I need Mistress to be in control of me and am working to get our D/s dynamic back.

A Timely Post

A couple weeks ago Mistress and I were driving and this woman cut us off.  We both yelled at her but I used a less than nice word about this woman.  Mistress even commented on the word I chose, but nothing became of it.  Not 2 days later a blog I follow had a post that was very timely.  As much as I wanted to post it when I saw it, she really took her slave to task.  I have avoided posting it until now.

F'ing B*tch

Oh boy did I have to ever punish my husband the other day!

He was driving in traffic in the city, I was in the car, and another driver cut him off. It was pretty egregious. They cut right in front crossing three lines of traffic causing david to have to brake hard, and then cut into a right turn only lane, and then went straight through the intersection cutting off another car and not even turning right! In the natural flow of traffic we happened to catch up and it turned out it was a female Asian driver (Chinese I believe). Fairly young looking. Fairly oblivious looking. david glared at her (she did not even see) and then muttered "fucking bitch".

Ooooh! He didn't! Nice opportunity for a scene.

Here is the rest of this exciting and scary post of hers...
http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2015/11/fing-btch.html?zx=63fb0399bc995e5c

Lucky Slave

Last night Mistress and I had date night.  After an appetizer and some drinks we rushed home for some naughtiness.  I got our room ready.  I pulled off the blankets, pulled the under bed straps out from under the mattress, put on a femdom porn video,  and put on my restraints and a blindfold.  Mistress tied me down and put a pair of panties over my head.  I am pretty sure they were a pair that I had  my dried cum in them, but can't be 100% sure.  Mistress alternated from stoking my cock and hurting me.  She seemed to be a little meaner, which I really enjoyed.  Mistress also bit me a few times, which I usually don't like, but I really liked it last night.

Mistress would comment on the video that I couldn't see which I found to be pretty hot as well. Mistress edged me many times and with my buzz, I am lucky she didn't ask me to speak.  I likely would have begged her to do many things to me I would later regret.  With a couple of my recent blog posts I could have been in a nasty situation.  As it was, I tried to pull the nasty panties in my mouth to suck on and show Mistress what a little slut I could be.  I really, really wanted her dirty panties from the day to be over my nose and mouth.  That would have pushed me over the edge!

Mistress toyed with not letting me cum, which would have made me mad and frustrated, but ultimately would have made me an even hornier and more desperate slut.  While last night's orgasm should have taken the edge off of my horniness it seems to have escalated it.  I woke up in my nighty (which I so did not want to wear) feeling all submissive and used.  I have some good marks on my skin.  One appears to be form a hitting implement as well as a couple marks that I am guessnig are bite marks.  I love being marked up by my Mistress.  I am so very lucky to have such a Mistress.

Here is something I read this morning that is so very true.

Why edging is the perfect compliment to denial.

You see, when existing in pure denial, it is sometimes easy to slip into that non-sexualized situation where cumming doesn’t seem important. Without reminders, it is possible to exist like that for days, or even weeks.

But with a simple command to edge (or to have someone edge you), your body is reminded about just how good it would feel to cum, and therefore the realization that you are not allowed to is so enhanced.

Even more so with multiple edges. After each one, the cock craves to be touched again, but as the hand is wrapped round that throbbing, rock hard penis, there is that sinking feeling that the end result will be even more frustration.

How to's

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Slut Shaming

I ran into this post this morning, and I shuddered a little inside.  I can't stop watching it...

Princess always laughs at my humiliation

This speaks to me on many levels.  The blue shimmer dress, the stockings, the pink bra, the hair with a pink bow, the slutty panties, the bracelet and especially the nails painted to match the dress.  I'm certain there are a pair of slutty heels that we just can't see.  I know he is looking at the nails on his hand as he strokes.  With the nail polish they look like someone else's, but he knows it's his own.  The reason I shuddered is I have done a combination (not all at the same time) of these things in the past so I know how I would feel.  Getting all dressed and made up, it would take a long time.  Looking in the mirror and feeling so slutty and sexy knowing what was about to happen.  Getting myself in a relatively uncomfortable position.  Aiming my cock at my face just so I can cum on myself all because I am wired a certain way.

It wouldn't take long for me to cum and on so many levels I wouldn't want to cum.  As I get close to the edge, emotions wash over me.  Knowing the shame I will feel as the post orgasm let down hits me, but I would still want to cum anyway after taking so much time getting ready.  As I started to cum I would be tempted to open my mouth, half because I want to be sluttier, but half so I don't have to clean so much cum from my face.  After an amazing orgasm I know the shame would run all over me.  I would get up and the cum would be dripping all over.  As I go into the bathroom to clean up I would see my reflection and wonder why I am so fucked up in the head.  I'd wonder how I got this way and if I would ever be "normal".  I'd also know that no matter the thoughts and regrets I had, I would eventually put myself in a similar situation again.  A slave to my submissive soul as well as a slave to my Mistress.  As I remove the makeup I would be amazed at the amount of time spent getting ready and getting cleaned up, all for a few minutes of ecstasy.  Over the next few hours I would think about what I did, the shame running over me time and time again.  Over the next few days the shame would turn to arousal and I would fantasize about doing it all over again, but being even more slutty and depraved the next time.  It's a major mindfuck to get turned on by deep shame.

As I wrote that I kept thinking of Mistress tying me this way, and after making me cum she would say "I am going to leave you tied up until that cum dries.  I want you to think about what a slut you are".  Or worse, she would unite me and not let me clean up.  My post orgasm self fighting the need to clean up.  The humiliation would be the worst.  So fucking hot...

Pic above came from this blog http://selfcumeating.tumblr.com/archive