Thoughts over the last few days

I am back from my road trip.  Last night when I got home, I was fully expecting to have my nighty and chastity device laid our for me.  All that was laid out for me was my nighty.  I was relieved and at the same time a teeny bit disappointed.  While I obviously don't want to be in chastity, I do want to be controlled and there are not many better ways than chastity to control someone.

This morning my device was on my vanity and with no discussion I started to put it on.  I double checked that I was supposed to as I didn't want to be a pushy bottom.  Just writing these few sentences has my cock straining in its metal prison.  What's unique this time is I know I am locked, but beyond that I have no more information about my chastity status.  That's hot.  

Looking back over my trip.  We have had so much going on for so long that I haven't done any real edging.  That changed the last few days. I was so horny fantasizing about what Mistress could have made me do that I got myself very worked up.  On past trips Mistress would usually give me an orgasm before I left and required me to masturbate to completion (and record it) while I was gone.  I am certain this was to keep my libido in check.  This time there was none of that.  My last orgasm was last Thursday night.  Since Mistress didn't drain my balls I got myself into quite the mental frenzy.  I had these fantasies as soon as I left but didn't want to reveal them while I was gone for fear of having to do them.  Many of my edges were thinking of Mistress giving me masturbation instructions.  Recording myself masturbating in my hand and making me eat it (or making me do it on video chat).  I would be so hard for me to do with me hundreds of miles away.  The drop in my libido along with how much I hate cum as well as the humiliation of recording it or being watched.  I would only do it knowing the consequences of not doing it.  I also fantasized of recording myself cumming with my legs up and behind me so that my cock was pointed straight at my face and make me cum all over my face and in my mouth.  I imagined her making me stand naked (or in a bra and panties) at my hotel window for 5-10 minutes while she watched me on Face Time.  I am not an exhibitionist so even 5 minutes would feel like an eternity.

For additional ideas to edge to I went back through some old emails of ours from 5 years ago.  January of 2011 is when I started revealing my feminine desires.  The stories we shared, the support Mistress gave me.  As much as she likes me in nighties and other feminine clothes, it's hard to believe she never thought about feminizing a guy until I introduced it to her.  I really loved wearing naughty things under my clothes for our dates.

The hardest part of reading those emails is that we really were on our way to a fairly hard-core 24/7 dynamic.  Had I not been so difficult I can only dream how much of a slave I would be today.  Being freshly out of a bad marriage, I fought certain aspects of submitting fully to Mistress.  I made it too much work and added to much uncertainty to someone that was really embracing a Female Led Relationship.  I wish I could go back 5 years and tell that guy to submit fully.  Being that we have such a good relationship now, and Mistress knowing me so well, I'm looking forward to our recalibration.  There will be some challenges but the reward will be worth it.  I am so in love.