Feeling Feminine

Now that Mistress has started enforcing my feminine attire again I am in quite a mental state.  Add my chastity to the mix and I am very ramped up.  Also, now that I have refocused on living in the moment vs. fantasizing about what else Mistress can do to me, I am learning to embrace what is happening to me as it happens.

This morning I again chose a dress that you are more likely to find at a nightclub than at home or an office.  I am feeling very feminine and want to act out in a really slutty and shameless way.  What really changes how I feel is the massive bra inserts I am wearing.  They are heavy and they protrude obscenely.  I have had to tighten my bra quite a bit to hold them in.  When I walk, they shimmy, especially in my higher heels.  My dress is short, so short I have to keep pulling it down.  My head is spinning due to the way I an feeling. 

I didn't have time this morning to plug myself so when I get home for work, I will bend over the bathtub and put my large plug in my ass.  I will fantasize about Mistress forcing her cock in my ass after I just was on my knees sucking it.

The more I think about it I am reminded of something I have been seeing online.  It's called Bimbo Fetish or Bimbofication.  I like these 2 definitions.

1.  Bimbofication is a type of fetish and genre of fan art in which people are transformed into hypersexualized caricatures of themselves, typically featuring exaggerated secondary sexual characteristics.
2.  The process of transforming into an airheaded slut, perfectly happy to be used and degraded.

This is a good example of how I feel when I wake up, loaded with hormones.  Between my orgasm denial, perfume, butt plug and my feminine attire, I am yearning to be used and degraded.

Gotta run!  Busy day.

Sweet Dreams

With my recent medical issues I had received some good strong pain killers.  In addition to helping with the pain, I found out that they gave me some good and crazy memorable dreams.  I don't generally remember my dreams so when I do I am pleasantly surprised.  While I was in the hospital I was understandably not interested in sexual matters, but I still managed to have some erotic dreams.

Fast forward to now.  I didn't use all of my pain killers when I was recovering, so last night I decided to see if I could get some good dreams since I was healthy and very horny.  It turns our it worked.  I was surprised how much of my dreams were focused around recent events I have been reading.

Now I did have some random dreams as well.  A talking stuffed dinosaur.  Being at a bar with my buddy and seeing the cops outside tazing robbers that looked like there were out of a 50's comedy movie.  I dreamt about getting a new dog and going on vacation.  But there were 2 dreams that stick out in my mind for their naughtiness.

The first one was right as I was falling asleep.  I was going in and out of falling asleep. I ended up dreaming that I was tied to the bed in our normal fashion.  Me spread eagle using straps from under our mattress.  I was blindfolded and heard Mistress walking around the room.  Mistress climbs on the bed and tells me to open my mouth.  I imagined she was going to put a gag or dildo into my mouth.  She tells me to open wider and very quickly shoves something into my mouth. I quickly realize this item is a semi soft ball and it's cold and wet.  Before I can react I feel Mistress slap a strip of very sticky duct tape over my mouth.  Within seconds I can taste a salty acrid taste.  I realize it's piss.  Mistress pinches my nipples hard, causing me to gasp and I bite down on the ball, and some of the piss releases into the back of my throat.  And then out of nowhere she zaps my balls with an electric device of some sort.  I actually kicked my leg in real life (I think) due to the zap in my dream.  

Mistress then tells me "you have a big porous sponge soaked in my piss in your mouth right now.  You have been talking back to me, you have been telling me I am wrong, you have been correcting me, and telling me how to do things I obviously know how to do."  "From now on, if your mouth keeps being pissy with me, I am going to keep getting pissy with your mouth."  

I wish the dream went on, but it didn't.  I have my own ideas of where it would go, but that's not the purpose of this post.

My second dream happened later after some of the dreams I listed above.  In it Mistress keeps adding things to my daily feminization routine.  Not all at once, but slowly and deliberately.  I don't know the exact order, but she started making me wear a wig whenever I was dressed (to keep me warm in the winter months).  She had me wearing fake nails that could come off and go on easily.  She added earrings, a necklace, bracelet, and anklet and a ring on my finger.  She had me wearing lipstick, clear mascara and perfume.  By the end of the dream, I would have all of the above items on my as soon as I got home from work until I left for work the next day.  From Thursday night to Tuesday morning, Mistress enforced this regimen which meant that I went 4 full days dressed as a woman.  I became an expert in walking in heels, makeup application and when I looked in the mirror, I no longer saw a man.

To sum everything up, I had a great night of dreams.  I am wondering if the recent hypnosis tracks I listened to have anything to do with what I dreamt.  

Here is the outfit I wore yesterday.  My goal is to post each day's outfit on its own page.  

  

Depraved

I am currently on a short trip away from home for work.  The last 36 hours I have been on submissive brain overdrive.  Yesterday morning I woke up after barely sleeping.  I have a hard time sleeping when I have to catch a flight and the other night was no exception.  On top of that I planned on wearing my chastity device to see if I still have skin issues with it.  So my mind was already in a suggestive state of mind.  In addition to my chastity device I packed a nighty and a couple pairs of panties.  I got up very early yesterday and as soon as I did I put on my panties and chastity device.  I was ready for the day.

I went about the rest of my day, very aware of my device and panties.  Unfortunately, my device did cause me some issues and I have remove it about 12 hours after putting it on.  I need to try my stainless steel device and see how that goes.  Very soon!

I went out to dinner with my co-workers last night and afterward for some additional drinks.  When I got back to my hotel, I had a pretty good buzz and was horny and drunk.  I decided to torture myself. 

Now writing this down is very hard for me.  My first instinct is to hide it.  At the same time, I need to confess so to speak.  I am very ashamed about the things I did to myself, but at the same time want Mistress to know as well as readers of this blog.

When I got back to my room I stripped off all of my clothes.  I found my favorite torture device in the closet.  A coat hanger with clips on it.  I proceeded to clip the clamps to my nipples and then I hooked it to the bar on the closet.  

After about 30 seconds I decided to escalate the stakes.  I looked into my bathroom dopp kit looking for ideas.  I saw a small tube of tooth paste.  I know how it stings so I put a large dollop on my finger and spread it all over my asshole and made sure to get a liberal amount inside me.  I expected it to sting right away but it didn't sting quite yet, so I decided to up the stakes again.

I saw some flossers and came up with an idea from a blog I read.  HERE IS THE LINK  I took something similar to what is in the link and pushed it into the open tube of toothpaste. I got a liberal amount of toothpaste on the bristles and proceeded to slowly push it into the hole in the head of my cock.  WOW.  That stung quickly.  

At this time my ass started to sting. I went to the closet and put the clamps back onto my nipples.  I took the hook and pushed it into the louvers in the door, forcing myself on my tip toes.  I put my hands behind my back and proceeded to count to 100 before I released myself.  

While on my tip toes, I dreamed of Mistress being there with me.  She would come up behind me and tie my arms behind my back.  She would tell me the only way I would get out of my predicament is by pulling my nipples out of the clamps.  My cock was burning as well as my ass.  I was in drunken, horny heaven.

After I got to 100, I undid the clamps allowing blood to rush to my nipples.  Ouch!  I then told myself to remove and insert the flosser 20 times in my cock head.  It was painful, but not too much, but I think that may be due to my drunken state.

I removed the flosser and after a short rest I put the clamps back on my nipples.  I went to the closet and found a clothes iron on a shelf.  I tied the cord to the hanger that was attached to my nipples.  I put my dirty panties in my mouth like a gag (so I wouldn't scream out)  I put my hands behind my back and started to pull back from the shelf.  The iron fell off the shelf and quickly yanked the clips off of my nipples.  Fucking ouch!!!

After that I went to the bed and lied back on the bed.  I belted my thighs together with my balls behind me, and redid the hanger to my nipples.  I pulled my knees up to my chest and hooked the hanger to the belt.  I held this position for another 5 minutes putting constant pressure on my nipples.  My ass and pee hole were still stinging.  I was a horny mess.  All I could think of was Mistress torturing me.

Through all of this I didn't touch my cock in any erotic way.  It was too sore from my chastity device. 

At this point I remembered a handful of podcasts I had downloaded months ago.  I put my headphones on and picked a couple to listen to.  The podcasts are "erotic hypnosis" recordings.  I listened to them when Mistress was away on a business trip.  They didn't have much of an effect on me before but I was curious again.

It was time for bed.  I cleaned up the hangers, toothpaste and everything else.  I put on my nighty and crawled into bed.  I picked a hypnosis track that I thought was about eating cum.  It played, I got into a trance.  About 20 minutes in I realize its a track about drinking piss from my Mistress.  With the mood I was in, I was quickly aroused by this.  I'm generally not aroused by piss play, but occasionally, I am.  Last night I imagined Mistress doing this to me.

I picked one more track to listen to.  This one was about being a man and getting comfortable about being feminine.  I put it on a loop and listened.  I fell asleep listening while it played for a couple hours.  While I can't say it was the hypnosis track that did it, I am in such a feminine mood today.  Probably more feminine than I have felt in a long time.

I am sitting my my hotel chair wearing only my nighty while I complete my this post.  I am wishing my toiletries in the bathroom were feminine toiletries.  I wish I could wear feminine deodorant.  Some perfume.  Nail polish.  While I brought panties, I wish I had a bra or camisole.  I wish I had some stockings.  I wish I was fully feminized under my clothes while I travel back home to my Mistress.  

My nipples have a nice residual soreness.  I have actually pinched my nipples quite a few times while writing this.  My cock is sore, but mostly from my device.  It hurts a bit when I pee from the flosser, but in a really good way.  I think I found a new CBT technique!

Writing this post has been deliciously humiliating.  I'm actually nervous to hit the publish button.  Admitting to Mistress what I did last night puts butterfly's in my stomach.  When I look into her eyes later today I will be erotically shamed and aroused beyond belief.  

Conditioning

Last night Mistress mentioned she might soon free my cock and not let me make me wear a nighty so that I will sleep in which in turn lets her sleep in.

A nighty I forgot how much I like.  Comfortable and cute with just the right amount of erotic humiliation

The thing is I am now conditioned to be in this state.  I am linking chastity to this amazing feeling I get whenever I think about it.  I am wearing my nighty under my clothes right now because of the chemicals pumping through my brain makes it feel so good.  By changing my mindset, I am relishing the thoughts of servicing Mistress, chastity, orgasm denial and extended feminization.  I have allowed myself to believe this will go on for a long time, so to think it will be taken away (even for a short while) is kind of a mind fuck.  Of course I will do whatever Mistress wants but wanted her to know I am still doing amazingly well with being locked up for so long.

This got me thinking about conditioning in general.      

Conditioning: to bring (something) into the desired state for use.

Conditioning is a behavioral process whereby a response becomes more frequent or more predictable in a given environment as a result of reinforcement, with reinforcement typically being a stimulus or reward for a desired response.

Conditioning is a form of learning in which either (1) a given stimulus (or signal) becomes increasingly effective in evoking a response or (2) a response occurs with increasing regularity in a well-specified and stable environment.

Conditioning is something that is in every single relationship.  In a vanilla relationship there are verbal and physical ways a person can get their partner to behave.  A man might come home and he will hang up his coat and put his things away.  He didn't do this when they first started living together, but he has been conditioned to do it.  Or how a certain look can get the other partner to change what they were doing.  These are all learned responses.

I have been thinking about conditioning in a D/s relationship.  There are many articles, mostly about training, but not a lot of real world examples.  Here are some that I found that was male submissive focused.

• Classical conditioning works on a subconscious level. If you experience A and B at the same time, and A causes C, then after enough paired repetitions, B will cause C. For example, if you jerk a man off while licking his nipples, and only lick his nipples when jerking him off, eventually you can give him an erection just by licking his nipples. The possibilities are endless.

• My favorite thing to do is to condition a sub to want something he wouldn't normally want, something that pushes or tests his limits. With enough work you can get him to anticipate and even ask for such things. Pick something within your pet’s hard limits he wouldn’t want, something he would never ask for. Perhaps something you use as a punishment that you happen to enjoy. Maybe just something humiliating. When playing with your sub, and I mean physically stimulating him in some way, tell him what you are going to do to him. Don’t be skimpy on the details, elaborate as best you can. You want his mind focused on it. After you go through the of details of how, tell him what it’s going to feel like. You can repeat yourself if you run out of things to say about it. Keep him as hard as you can while you’re telling him all this. When your sub is all worked up and eager for orgasm, and fully anticipating his fate, make him ask for it. Don’t give in though, make him keep asking. After a little while, make him beg for it. Tell him to make it convincing. Have him tell you how much he wants it, and why. Only once you are really convinced do you follow through. This works surprisingly fast compared to the other examples because it uses a secondary trick. Just as people who are forced to smile tend to feel happy even if they weren’t happy before, a person begs for something, finds themselves really wanting it.

• Allow your slave to play with himself when sucking your strapon only. After awhile your slave will be aroused by the thought of sucking cock. Any cock.

• Have your sissy watch gay-porn if you want your sissy to get bi-curious. Dress her up, talk in her ear about what you see and keep her on edge constantly during the scenes. You'll condition her to like it.

• This is not mandatory, but will speed up the success you will have in your training.  Google Femdom, cross dressing, sissy, or cock sucking hypnosis and find all that you can find.  Preview the files before putting them on his phone so you know what kind of training you would like him to have.  Try to build this library up all the time, and find the best ones that suit your training style and require him to listen to them every night and/or morning.

• My sub-hubby has been conditioned to be aroused only when he can smell my pussy.  Whenever we have sex, a tease and denial session or if I allow him to masturbate he must be breathing my scent through his nose.  Anytime his cock is being stimulated he either has his face in my pussy or he has a pair of my dirty panties over his nose.  I have done this long enough that he can no longer get off and sometimes he can't even get an erection without the smell of my pussy.  I own his brain!

• Frequent use of the strap-on, coupled with extended chastity can have the effect of essentially re-wiring the pleasure centers in his brain. By stimulating his prostate, while denying him any direct stimulation of his penis, he will, over time, begin to associate his own sexual pleasure with anal penetration.  What you want to do, about once every twenty days, is release him from chastity, proceed to fuck him with the strap-on and give him a good hard fucking. Initially you will stroke his cock a lot.  You want him to cum like that while you’re still all up in his ass. After his penis goes soft, immediately lock him back up. He needs to feel that immediate authority from you. As time goes on  you will reduce the amount of direct cock stimulation he gets until he is cumming from the strap-on only.  Keep this up and he will, over time, go from resisting the strap-on, to tolerating it, to enjoying it, to craving it. But only if you keep his penis locked up 24/7 and don’t otherwise allow him to cum. If you have the patience and determination to maintain the discipline, you will see how effective it is. After a while, he’ll start putting his ass up for you frequently and spontaneously, like a bitch in heat, because he needs and wants that stimulation. You can effectively cause the same physical/psychological conditioning regarding him sucking cock, if you want to. It’s a little more complicated, but can be just as effective. I’m currently in the process of doing exactly this with my hubby. By the end of the summer, my goal is to get him to the point where he associates sucking cock with his own orgasmic relief.

Adding a 3rd person

In the past, Mistress and I have discussed adding a 3rd person occasionally to our play.  Mistress is bi-sexual, and has played with women as well as group sex in the past.  Most of our conversations have revolved around her and another woman dominating me.  I have encouraged her plenty of times to have a girl on the side.  We kind of perused it years ago, but a one-night stand is more likely than her having an actual relationship.

Mistress will occasionally let me know that she would love to see me with a guy.  I am not bi-sexual.  I can certainly look at a guy and see that he has a good body or that he is good looking.  What I can't do is make the jump from thinking a guy is nice looking to wanting to do something sexual with a guy.  For the most part I think guys are kind of gross.  I don't like body hair which is one reason I shave.  I think cum is disgusting. Even if I could clone myself, I wouldn't have sex with me.

So where does this put us?  I can certainly imagine us occasionally playing with a woman.  Hiring a professional escort or Domme would make sense as it avoids the issue of emotional connections.  A great example is found on this blog Girl Sex with the Escort!!!!   Also, starting with a woman would break me into the idea of a 3rd person as I have never had that before.

But what about a guy???  I can't rule it out.  Mistress has been great at fulfilling my fantasies.  I would like to fulfill hers as well.  I try to keep an open mind and imagine how it would look.  Whenever I imagine it, it is somewhat of a process.  It starts with Mistress and I going deeper into a D/s relationship.  We would be going through some of my softer limits, getting me used to the idea of getting to my hard limits.  Some of my semi hard limits would be piss play, cross-dressing in public, etc.  Be crossing these limits and me being ok, would allow me to more easily consider crossing my hard limits.   She would be using a psychological term called conditioning.  The idea of conditioning would be to tie my pleasure to an idea.  The more I can link my pleasure to the idea of another gut the more likely it could happen.  Some ways I imagine she could use conditioning.

• During our teasing sessions she would tell me of her fantasies of me with men
• Any time I was let out of chastity I would have to be plugged.
• The only time she would stroke my cock is if I had a dildo in my mouth or ass
• Our fucking machine
• All edging would be with Mistress using her strapon.  The goal to make me cum from anal sex alone.
• Tying me down and making me watch gay porn while teasing me
• Making me perform oral sex on dildos before I was allowed to be unlocked
• Mistress pointing out men to me she would like to see me with
• Going to gay bars
• Cum eating, cum cubes, simulated cum, etc.
• Making me write male on male stories
• Finding an online Mater to get me used to sexual interaction with a male.
• "sissy conditioning" - Goole has many hits
• Erotic Hypnosis

In short we are a long way from doing something like this if we ever will.  It will take some time, but with a D/s dynamic I can see it possibly happening somewhere down the line.