More Demanding

I recently had a birthday and for the weeks leading up to it, Mistress kept asking me what I wanted.  I told her what I tell her every year and that I don't want a gift, I just want to be dominated by her.  I think she thinks I am kidding, but I'm not.  On Friday night Mistress and I went out to dinner.  She assured me that this weekend I would get my gift, but she didn't specify when.  She also told me that I was to start wearing a nighty "until I am told otherwise".  I initially assumed that was until I got my birthday domination session, but am under a different belief now.  I wore a nighty that Mistress picked out.  In my opinion, it's my most humiliating one.

That night, every time I tossed and turned, I would realize what I was wearing and then fantasize about what Mistress would do to me.  Needless to say I woke up extremely horny.  Saturday we had a lot of chores to do around the house.  Saturday night I again wore my nighty and again it had it's intended effect.  Let me note here that while I find this humiliating, I absolutely love it.  When Mistress makes me do anything feminine it goes straight to my brain.  Whether it's panties, or toenail polish, or more extreme things like a bra, or makeup, forcing me to do feminizing things pushes my buttons on all the right ways.  

Sunday we had more work to do but we stopped early and had some guests very for lunch and cocktails.  After several hours our guests left and Mistress said it was time for me to get the bedroom ready.  She instructed me to lay out all of the toys and such in her nightstand.  

I went to the bedroom and got it ready.  In my rush, I forgot a towel and also didn't have things as ready as Mistress liked.  I soon found myself blindfolded and spread eagle on our bed.  Mistress took a large rubber band and put it on my leg up around my thigh.  She put a couple clothespins on my nipples which I absolutely loved.  Mistress took turns stroking my cock, snapping the rubber band, and hitting me with various implements.  I begged her to not stop abusing me until I used my safeword.  I've really, really wanted to be abused for so long that it would have taken a lot for me to use it.  Between stroking my cock and keeping me on the edge, hitting me, busting my balls or using the Hitachi on the exterior of my prostate I was in heaven.  Endorphins, dopamine and any other natural drug BDSM creates in addition to my buzz had me riding such a high.  Additionally Mistress and put her fingers and a toy in my ass.  I felt so completely owned.  

At one point Mistress got off the bed and I heard a plastic bag.  I assumed and it was soon confirmed that Mistress had grabbed a pair of cum stained panties out of the bag.  The panties had been in the bag 2-3 years.  They were from a business trip I went on and Mistress made me cum in them a couple times.  She wet them with some water to refresh the scent and taste and shoved then in my mouth.  I was in humiliation heaven.  I would love to see this becoming a regular thing.

About half way through, Mistress pulled one of the clothespins off one of my nipples.  The pain was slow, but she sped it up by rubbing my nipple. The pain was intoxicating.  She waited to pull off the other one so I know that one was going to hurt more.  I loved it though.  

Out of everything that happened the thing that is stuck in my mind the most is what Mistress said to me.  She said that things would be changing.  She would be holding me more accountable.  That she was going to be more demanding and if necessary, meaner.  She told me that if I chose not to wear a nighty or forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, I would find myself locked in chastity and sleeping in a cage in the basement.  If I was mouthy or disrespectful, I would be tied to the extra bed all night.  If I refused any punishment, D/s would no longer exist for us.  I assured her that while I would hate to sleep in a cage, I would do it, solely because I yearn to have her take more control.  I can imagine crawling out of the cage after a long sleepless night and being so grateful to be let out and even more grateful that she cared enough exert more control over me.  Out of all the things that happened, the cage discussion was the hottest.

Eventually Mistress forced an orgasm out of me.  She was on top of me and I was in her tight pussy.  After I came, I was scared Mistress was going to sit on my face and make me clean her out.  We have had many discussions about making that my job every time I cum.  I'm pretty certain that if I had to do it every time, pretty soon it wouldn't be a big deal, but by only making me do it occasionally it's a much more difficult proposition.

Afterward, I was a molten mess.  My eyes were glassy, and I was in complete subspace.  While I had hoped to be pushed a little harder and forced to use my safeword, I was in seventh heaven.  All day yesterday I kept replaying the night before.  Even today replaying it has me so worked up.   I have managed to edge myself a couple dozen times.  I want to cum so bad and could sneak an orgasm, but not cumming is so more fulfilling.  I love my Mistress and the life we have built.          

Counting days

I spend a lot of time counting days lately.  Tomorrow will be 4 weeks and Sunday will be one month since I have had an orgasm.  It is currently the longest I have gone without an orgasm in 8 or 9 years.  I have been in chastity 19 days which is the longest I have ever been locked up.  It's been 13 days since I have been close to the edge and that long since I have been able to be aroused without discomfort.  Again, another record.

It may sound like I am complaining, but quite the contrary.  I am amazed by it really.  Being locked certainly has its challenges, but with Mistress' encouragement and my own goals I am pushing ahead and enjoying it.  My fantasies are consumed with the thought of pleasuring Mistress.  Of giving her long massages.  Of giving her multiple orgasms however she wishes.  Of having my face buried in her pussy or the dildo gag in my mouth and my nose getting soaked in her juices. Of her using my cock for her pleasure without letting me cum.  Of me being inside her while we work to train me to pleasure her time after time without me being pushed past the edge.

My desire to go as long as possible without cumming is not about not having sex.  In fact I want as much sex with Mistress as possible. I want to see if the Tantric and Taoist theory's about being able to orgasm without ejaculation are possible.  I want to be a hot mess whenever Mistress uses me.  I want to feel pride and despair at the same time when Mistress makes me lock back up right after she has cum a dozen times and soaked the sheets.  I want to hear her taunting me of the orgasms she has without me.  I want to make her cum and cum and cum until she is exhausted.  I want to be teased until I am in tears and locked back up.

I am now at a point that if I had an orgasm, I would feel it was a punishment.  To go this far and to have to start back at zero would be devastating.  I get a certain amount of sub-drop or post orgasm drop after I cum and I can only imagine it would be a hundred times worse now.  Although I know ruined orgasms or prostate milking minimize the emotional drop and allow a sub to get back into that sub-space much quicker, even the slightest bit of release seems like would be more frustrating than the frustration I feel of not cumming.

I have no idea if what I just wrote makes any sense.  My mind is a bit of a mess.  My cock went hard a dozen times while writing that my brain is stewing in hormones.  I am in heaven!

 

A recap of last night's scene

Mistress and I have had a TON going on lately.  Not only has our time to be intimate been reduced, we've had a lot of work to do and stress has been higher than normal.  With increased stress I have been a little bit snippy lately.  I have had a bad tone to my voice and for lack of a better term, I have talked down to Mistress.  I hate it when I get this way.  It's one reason my marriage failed so I know I have some work to do.  I catch myself getting frustrated and have a lot self-talk about how it's not anything she is doing, but it's about how I react.  Mistress took the high road and gave me a session last night to try and deal with my attitude.  Here is my recollection.

During the last day or so Mistress had been hinting that I'd better watch myself or she was going to do something about my attitude.  Her talk escalated into talking about a sever edging session with a good beating.  Part intrigued me and part scared me especially with all of my talk about wanting her to hurt me beyond what I want.  When we got home early from a party she had me get the bed ready as well as myself.  We use some very simple straps that go under the bed, but they hold me as strong as any 4 poster bed would.  I put on my pink wrist and ankle restraints, put some towels down and put some femdom porn on the bedroom TV.  Mistress had me blindfold myself  and slide some big rubber bands around my upper thighs while she went around the bed securing my limbs to the 4 corners of the bed.  I was spread out and couldn't move.  Mistress teased my cock some and talked to me about my attitude.

Now here is where my story may jump around and get fuzzy.  I had a slight buzz going on from alcohol at the party and a few drinks of wine I had when we got some.  Being tied up always makes my mind a little mushy and the endorphins I had running through me made me lose a sense of time.

As Mistress proceeded to talk to me about my attitude, she would alternate between snapping the rubber bands around my upper thighs and stroking my cock.  I know I am wrong and had no qualms about admitting it.  She mentioned that to help me remember our talk I would be going back into chastity for a week on Monday morning.  As much as I don't want that to happen, I also think it will be good for us.  It will remind me that Mistress has full control over me and she can do what she wants.  I also hope that by me willfully and enthusiastically accepting it, it will empower her to be crueler to me.

Mistress put something in my mouth.  It was her wet fingers.  It was heavenly.  I so wanted her to keep feeding me her pussy juices.  I longed for her to put her dirty panties under my nose.  I wanted that so much I played a video with a Mistress doing just that.

 

Mistress also put her strapon in my ass.  She didn't wear it, but she got it in my ass (I am guessing about half way).  It has been a few months since I had something in my ass.  As much as I hate to admit it, it was heavenly.  While I occasionally wear a butt plug this was much better.  Being close to her, having her cock in my ass while stroking my cock was a perfect cocktail of lust.  I wanted her to rape my ass at that point, but didn't tell her so.  She edged me close enough that the dildo was able to milk some cum out of my cock.  I imagined her fucking my ass to get me to use my safe word.  Maybe we will have to get the fucking machine out of storage to make that happen some day.

Still during all of this Mistress would snap the rubber bands or hit me with some other device.  I kept begging her to hurt me until I used my safe word.  She kept bringing me to the edge over and over again, expertly not letting me get too close.  It was like she had gotten much better at edging me.

At one point during the scene, Mistress used a device on my balls to try and get me to safe word.  She expertly hit one testicle.  The sensation was of a smack to the scrotum which hurt, but went away, but then also a deep throbbing pain in my testicle.  Out of everything she had done to me, this was the most likely to get me to safe word, but I was resolute that she would have to do it to me 10 or more times to get me to crack.  After she hit my ball she stroked my cock.  The sensation was something very unique.  While my ball hurt in a bad way, the stroking felt amazing, but at the same time agonizing.  As I got closer to the edge, my testicle would hurt more.  It was a perfect mind fuck as I wanted her to keep stroking but the pain in my ball made me want her to stop.

Mistress kept up her teasing.  She used the Hitachi under my balls and stocked my cock.  She would bring me to the edge so quickly and so strongly that I thought I would cum.  Mistress would remove her hand but press the Hitachi under my perineum which would just keep me on the edge.  She would touch my cock, but I don't know how she was doing it as the buzzing from the Hitachi overrode how I could feel things.

Mistress stopped this for a bit and hit my other testicle.  This one hurt just like the first, but it also brought back the pain from the first hit.  As she stroked my cock , both of my balls throbbed with pain as my cock enjoyed the stroking.  This was a good mind fuck.

Mistress went back to using the Hitachi on me and stroking my cock to keep me on the edge.  I am not kidding when I write this.  This was the best edging experience of my life.  Instead of going up to the edge and back, she just kept me right at the top of the sensation.  As great as it was it was also terrible.  I was straining every muscle to try and cum.  My body wanted to cum badly, but my submissive brain didn't want me to.  My biological need to cum was battling my submissive brain.  I was straining, begging her to both let me cum and also to not let me cum.  I wanted her to hurt me worse.  I wanted to beg her to stop.  I was afraid I was going to safe word from this sensation and not physical pain.  I wanted this heaven & hell sensation to last forever.

In the end Mistress coaxed the beginning of an orgasm from me.  She stopped before I got the full effect, so in effect it was partially ruined.  It was enough that I got some sub drop and used my safe word before anything else could happen.

Looking back to last night I have some takeaways.

• Again, best edging experience of my life.  It kind of scares me how intense it felt.  I would liken it to the forced multiple orgasms you see girls get in porn, as I had intense pleasure almost bordering on pain and it wouldn't stop.  I could see myself getting literally exhausted if it had kept going.
• I am in pain, not from the beating but from straining my muscles during the tease.  Especially my back muscles and my hip flexors. It was a great workout.
• While the rubber bands and beating hurt, I likely could have taken twice or three times as much.  I really do want to be hurt until I'm mad and in tears and until I safe word.    
• The ball hitting.  This is the part that intrigues me the most.  As much as I hate that feeling of having my testicles hurt, the sensation was undeniable.  Adding stroking to it and it was a perfect heaven and hell torture.  I'm reminded of when I first met Mistress and we were in a hotel for a Halloween event.  She tied me to the bed, gagged me and beat the hell out of my balls.  I get hard just thinking about it.
• I wish Mistress would have had an orgasm or 10, as the whole thing was pretty much about me.  I was hoping she would have taken multiple orgasms for herself while I sat suffering in pain.
• I am very, very happy to see Mistress take control of me and put me in my place.  I don't do well trying to be the bossy one or getting defensive.  Last night was a good "reset" for me.  I crave living in a Female Led Relationship with a good dose of Female Domination.
• We have another couple stressful months so I'd better behave before I end up beaten, bruised and in chastity, or worse, no D/s...       

I love my Mistress!        

In a mood

This morning I woke up not feeling so well.  That tends to make me go to my happy place which is normally easy for me to think of things.  For some reason today I had no specific thoughts.  That was until I came across a post on Tumblr.  This one post and 5 pics got me going.

After I saw those 5 pics my mind was off and running.  I dreamt of Mistress gagging me and making me smell her panties or even worse, smelling my own panties.  I thought about other things like having Mistress dirty tights gagging me and her crotch tied right under my nose.  The only way to breathe would be through my nose so I would be engulfed in her scent.  I can imagine the endorphin rush just from that.  Then my mind drifted off to being gagged with panties crusty with my cum (and Mistress cum too).  I was surprised how many pics there are of women gagged with panties, but hardly any guys.  Stupid internet.