Obsession and Distraction

Once in a while Mistress will make a comment that triggers something inside me that makes me obsess about it.  Not only do I obsess about it, it tends to take me to places I didn't intend on going.  Here is my latest obsession that drifted into something entirely different. 

A few days ago Mistress mentioned that I should watch my attitude, because being locked in the cage in a straitjacket with the shocking device locked on my balls doesn't sound like too much fun.  I replied something to the effect of "to you it might not sound fun".  Since then I have been obsessing about it.  Not so much about the cage, but about something similar.

My first real thought was me thinking of being put into the straight jacket I would lie in the center of one of our spare beds.  My feet would be tied so I would be forced to lie on my back.  I would be blindfolded with earplugs in my ears with white noise playing.  I would be left like this for hours.  Abandoned. 

Then of course, my mind kept going further down the path.  Instead of just being abandoned I imagined having the E-stim box hooked up to me with one set of wires going into a metal butt plug in my ass and bands around my cock.  Mistress would put the settings on the 'torment' function and leave me while my ass and genital are assaulted with electricity.

Then my mind shifted to back to being abandoned for long periods of time.  My mind went darker and realized that the need to go to the bathroom limits the amount of time a slave can be left alone.  It seems that for long term isolation bondage, diapers are frequently used.  Talk about a mind fuck.  Not only are you restricted from moving, but your can't see or hear.  Now your most basic body function is used in your punishment.  I can only imagine how long I would fight to not relieve my self in such a humiliating fashion.  One could be safely left for hours like this.  The inability to move would be excruciating, in a good sadistic way.  The mental anguish of not knowing the time, how long you will be left there and then having to relieve yourself is a very powerful reminder of the control you have given up.  

When I found the image above, I stumbled across another image that I assume only came up because of the diaper.  Apparently these onsies can be used with diapers for adult baby scenes.  These outfits are for people that have a 'little' fetish.  They are unisex and made for people of ALL sizes.  Now I am not into the adult baby fetish one bit, but these outfits do speak to my feminization and humiliation fetish.  I can imagine having to wear one around the house, to bed at night or in a scene of some sort.  The humiliation factor would be extremely high.  

So there you have a perfect example of how my brain works.  It obsesses, but it's also extremely diverse in what appeals to my submissive side.  

     

Going to my happy place

When I am stressed, sick, or in some other distress, I have have a coping mechanism that I call 'going to my happy place'.  My happy place is anything D/s related that takes my mind off of what is stressing me our or making me feel sick.  Lately I have had a ton of work related stress.  I will wake up in the middle of the night and am unable to go back to sleep.  Sometimes I can lie awake for hours, stressing.  Last night I woke up and started to stress again.  I decided I wasn't going to let that happen so I tried going to my happy place.

I started thinking about my current state of being in chastity 24/7 for 10 days now.  Last night Mistress had stated we needed to make time for a torture session soon.  My mind drifted to recent blog posts about being meaner.  My random thoughts we not enough and my mind kept drifting back to work stresses.  I had to try something new.  I came up with a version of kinky 'counting sheep'.

I decided to go from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet and think of all the things that could be done to my body in a D/s kind of way.  Here's how it went to the best of my ability to recall.  Some of this may be more extreme than expected due to my darker nature depending on stress levels.

Head - A wig. My full leather bondage hood, laced tightly and left on for hours.

Eyes - Blindfolds.  Eye makeup.  Clear mascara in public.

Ears - Clip on earrings worn around the house at all times.  White noise being pumped into my ears through headphones for sensory deprivation.  Clothespins on earlobes.

Nose - Forced smelling.  Mouth taped shut and nose clamped for breath play.  Nose hook for humiliation.

Mouth - Ball gag.  Penis gag.  Dildo Gag.  Ring gag, used to put things in my mouth like cum, spit, piss, lemon juice, etc.  Bar of ivory soap in mouth for being lippy or talking back.  Throat fucking.  Lipstick.  Clothespin on tongue.  Lot's of oral sex for Mistress.  Licking Mistress' asshole.  Being forced to lick my cum from a plate.

Face - Face slapping.  Full Makeup. Duct tape to gag mouth shut (with dirty panties in my mouth).

Neck - My wire collar. Locking leather collar.  Posture Collar.  Choking.  Feminine choker worn at home.  Rope around the neck.  Wrists tied to neck.  Women's necklace.    

Chest/Nipples - Pierced again.  Bra.  Silicone bra Inserts.  Nipple clamps.  Sand paper on nipples, rubbed raw. Icy hot on nipples.  Suction cups on nipples until bruised.  Needle play.  Clothespin zipper.

Arms/wrists/hands - locking cuffs worn at home.  Handcuffed as much as possible.  Feminine bracelet.  Nail polish.  Fake nails on weekends.  Feminine rings.  Shaved armpits.  

Torso - Shaved at all times. More suction cup bruises.  Wearing a corset a few hours every week.  Mistress takes me out with a tightly laced corset on under my clothes.  Rubber band bruises. Permanent marker with humiliating things written on me.  Tramp stamp on back.  

Yes, this is me.

Cock and Balls - Never ending chastity.  Forced orgasm while in chastity  Balls tied to ankles and feet tickled.  Icy hot or similar applied to cock and balls.  Urethral sounds.  Humbler with electricity.  Shocking dog collar on balls.  Hair plucking when I go too long without shaving.  Hot wax.   Acrylic ball crusher (edge me until I am about to cum and then tighten the screws).  Apply numbing cream and a condom before fucking Mistress so I can last longer.  It's amazing how much you can crush balls without damaging them.

Yes, this is me too.

Ass - A beating until I use my safeword (and then some more).  Icy hot on asshole.  Plugged more often.  Fucking machine for a long slow ass fucking (lube continuously applied to make it last until I am begging for it to stop.) Enemas.  Strap on.  Buy a suction cup dildo for self torture.  E-stim butt plug.  

Legs - Shaved at all times - Thigh high stockings. Rubber band bruises.  Being tied until legs start shaking.  More permanent marker.

Knees - kneeling in front of Mistress.  Must kneel at my computer when I am writing my blog or looking at porn.  Kneeling on rice.  Forced kneeling as punishment.

Feet - Nail polish at all times.  High heels worn at home.  Feminine toe rings.  Forced to stand on spiked mat.  Women's socks at work.  Grains of rice added to the inside of my heels or in socks at work.  Must come home with same number of grains of rice.  Caning or using a leather strap on the bottom of the feet (also known as bastinado).

 

Shortly after this mental excersize I was able to fall asleep.  It's funny how my twisted little brain works.

Harsh Treatment - Yay!

Mistress and I recently had an anniversary.  Last night Mistress gave me a very memorable anniversary scene.

We came home after a couple drinks at a local bar.  We both had the right amount of buzz in us.  Mistress said she wanted to tie me up and I was more than happy to oblige.  Looking back through the blog, the last time I was tied up was March 28th.  I ran upstairs to take a shower and Mistress got out some champagne.  After my shower I got our bed ready for our adventure.  I pulled the restraints out from under the mattress, and put towels on the bed.  I pulled out all of the toys and laid them on the dresser.  I put on 2 ankle and 2 wrist restraints.  I put a large rubber band around each thigh as well as a blindfold over my eyes.  I proceeded to tie 3 of my limbs so Mistress would only have to restrain one.

Mistress came upstairs.  She finished tying me up.  It was then that I realized I had forgotten to put my perfume on.  I mentioned it to Mistress and she grabbed a pair of panties out of my panty drawer.  She sprayed a bit on the pair of panties and then put them around my head and over my nose.  I was instantly in a trance.  I can't explain it, but that perfume does that to me.

Mistress also added extra rubber bands to my thighs before tying me back down.  I don't remember the exact order of events, as it is now a blur, but I was well used.  Before the scene was over Mistress had massaged my prostate with her fingers.  She had inserted a dildo in my ass (unfortunately she wasn't wearing it).  I had clothespins on my balls and my nipples (my favorite).  She managed to hit me in the balls more times than I can count all while stroking my cock with a well lubed hand and a Hitachi vibrator.  I have multiple bruises on my thighs of where the rubber bands inflicted their excruciating pain.

Mistress had me so worked up that I was running at the mouth with confessions of how badly I wanted to be treated.  Everything ended with Mistress making me cum against my wishes.  Even though I came hard it was also a ruined orgasm.  She stopped or slowed down a bit when I started cumming so I lost that complete drain that can happen and then she kept stroking me to where I was laughing hysterically.  I was spent.  Or so I thought.  I woke up early this morning completely on 10 again.  I wanted to wake Mistress up and have sex but also want her to sleep.  My mind is racing with thoughts and I can't stop it.  Here are some of the thoughts I had while being tortured and some follow up thoughts.

• Feminization.  I begged for more and more feminization and I believe Mistress will enforce it.  Failure to either follow instructions or self feminize myself will be dealt with harshly.  I hope.
• This post https://missbossybitchsboy.blogspot.com/2017/08/enroute.html caused Mistress to comment on it last night.  I imagine coming home to an outfit by the door as soon as I enter the house.  Or a butt plug, chastity device, restraints, or certain notes.  I can't even enter the house without following the instructions first.  So hot!
• Harsher treatment.  Mistress was pretty mean last night with her actions as well as her comments.  I would like to be able to say I was scared or taken back by it, but I wasn't.  I am absolutely enthralled by it.  I begged to be treated as harshly as possible.  The thought of actually safe-wording or begging for less harsh treatment makes my cock hard.  If Mistress can get me to dread something in the D/s realm, she will have done something I didn't think could be accomplished.
• Scent training.  My perfume is working well.  I also begged Mistress to scent train me in other ways.  I imagine being restrained and having her socks or panties after she works out being put into my mouth and over my nose.  I can't explain why, but the idea turns me on so much.
• Order.  Being ordered to do things.  Being made to wake up to make Mistress her coffee.  Being made to change outfits throughout the day.  Being told to fetch items upstairs, not because Mistress is lazy, but to keep me obeying without question.
• The cage.  I get the feeling I will be experiencing the cage again soon.  Mistress seems to like it and I can't argue with its effectiveness, especially when combined with other items (straight jacket, heels, bondage, etc.)
• Chastity - More of it.
• Shocking collar.  I mentioned using it and Mistress seemed to agree in another context.  The thought makes me shudder.
• Challenges.  I am dreaming of Mistress making me do things with the sole intent of trying to get me to say 'no' and then punishing me for saying no.  

  In closing, Mistress has me so worked up with how she treated me last night and her comments make me hope for most of what she said to come true.  That would be heavenly.

Ball Busting and Squeezing

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Terrible Orgasms

I have been getting in a deeper state of desire over the last couple days.  Being locked in chastity and having my ass plugged seems to be a perfect cocktail to get me hornier by the hour.  Last night, after Mistress and I got out of the hot tub, Mistress was showing off her pedicure.  I tentatively licked and sucked one of her toes.  She didn't stop me so I kept going.  Then I got a bit of encouragement.  I was in heaven.  I frequently fantasize about licking and sucking Mistress' as well as kissing her feet and shoes.  I really wish I could do it more often.

Last night as we were falling asleep, Mistress told me that I would be plugged for 3 hours today.  My plug went in at 5:58 this morning, so this particular task should be done by 9am.  This is the 3rd day in a row of being plugged.  It's possible this is a record, but I can't be sure.  By the time Mistress' period is over it certainly will be a record.  I have also noticed it's a bit easier to get the plug in.  I don't have to push in and out as much before I push it all the way in.

Plugging myself first thing in the morning, in addition to my perfume and the clothes I have to wear, I start my day feeling a desperate form of sluttiness and erotic humiliation.  The more Mistress requires of me, the more I want to experience.  Instead of pushing back, I want to go deeper.

After I wrote yesterdays post that touched on having my next orgasm be terrible in some way, I have been thinking about other ways to make it awful.  Not because I want an awful orgasm, I just want to have zero control over what happens to me.

I have been fantasizing about having to impale myself on Mistress' cock.  At some point she would make me cum and lick it all up.

After licking Mistress' toes last night, the idea of having to masturbate on her feet and lick them off sounds humiliating, especially if I had to wait for the cum to cool.  The 3rd picture looks like a ruined orgasm to boot.

Having to cum in chastity and stay locked up seems particularly cruel.  Even worse, saving it to consume later.

Being stimulated with painful electricity during and after an orgasm would be on my list of fears.

 Having a clothespin zipper looks very hot but would be so amazingly painful.  Maybe that's a good thing.

Having my balls punched or squeezed every time I got close to orgasm would likely make me cum, but would prevent an actual orgasm.  Probably the worse kind of ruined orgasm.

I have read of this scenario many times, so I was surprised how hard it was to find a picture.  The premise is that the slave doesn't deserve to cum with a person.  He has to have humiliating sex with a doll (male or female doll).  After orally performing on the doll for an extended period of time, he is told to orgasm.  Afterward he has to clean off the doll with his tongue.  The stories I recall had the Mistress taking pictures and video so that she could use them in further humiliations.  Or even worse, doing this with others in attendance.  Some good public humiliation.

As I read back through this post and look at the pictures, I am actually disturbed by some of the ideas I came up with.  Most would be a challenge for me and some would outright suck (no pun intended).  That being said, I know I would look back when my libido recovered and be extremely turned on.  I take a certain amount of pride of having to endure something that I don't want to endure.    

Sexual Sadism

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