Wife Away Day 2

 Day 2 (Friday) - I spent the day working and besides being locked in chastity and collared, not much happened until bedtime.  Now was the time I got to test out my self-bondage scenario.

I got my leg restraints set up.  I got the metal handcuffs into position.  I put on pink panties and a frilly white T-shirt.  I sprayed women's perfume on my neck and chest.  I love connecting the smell of my women's perfume to D/s activities.   I then plugged my ass with a vibrating prostate massager.  Once I was all set up, I grabbed the ice lock and hung it above my head and where my hands would be when the key dropped into place.  I then attached it to a cabinet handle about 5 feet away.  This kept the ice cube with the key frozen in it about 2 feet away from my hands.  I hurriedly lay on the bed.  I wanted to make sure I got myself tied before the ice melted.  I used as little ice as I felt I could to keep my session short, but still be long enough to feel truly helpless. 

I cuffed my ankles, one to each corner of the bed.  My legs were spread as far as I could possibly do them.  I then laid back and turned on the vibrating prostate massager.  I chose a start-stop pattern to keep from going numb due to a constant vibration as well as to make it so I was frustrated by the stopping.  I then clamped my nipples with a pair of clover-style nipple clamps.  It was now or never.

I cuffed my hands together in front of me and I then lifted my hands above my head to a firm attachment point.  I had previously attached another cuff here.  I took a deep breath and cuffed the middle of my handcuffs to the existing cuff.  As I heard the rachet in the cuff click, my fate was sealed.  My cock got hard instantly knowing that I was unable to escape.

After a minute or 2, the reality set in.  I announced out loud what a horny little slut I am.  How desperate I am to be treated like a slave.  How I want to be locked in chastity forever.  How I never want to cum again.  How I want to have my ass plugged all the time.  I focused on the vibrating prostate massager.  I kept tightening my Kegels to try and add additional stimulation to my prostate.  I got more sensation, but the changing pattern kept me from getting too much stimulation.

I was tied tighter than I planned.  I could only shift up or down about 4 inches. I would move down on the bed to allow my legs to bend a bit so that I could try and get more anal stimulation.  That caused my shoulders to get stiff as well as make my chest more taut, causing my clamps to dig deeper into my nipples.

If I raised myself higher on the bed, it took the strain off my shoulders and nipples, but my hips then took the strain and I couldn't feel the massager as much.  

After 9 minutes I was already frustrated.  I could see the ice lock was going to last longer than the 15-20 minutes I expected.  After 20 minutes I was bored, but also turned on by my situation.  I laughed out loud at how pathetic I can be when I get like this.  I kept trying to flex my Kegel's to try and get more stimulation.  It was a losing battle.  I imagined Mistress tying me up in this exact scenario and leaving me for hours on end.  Bored, but sexually frustrated.  

Finally, after 40 minutes, the ice melted enough for the key to drop into my hands!  But not so fast.  While I practiced and practiced unlocking the cuffs in this position, I didn't take into account the fatigue of my shoulder muscles.  What should have taken 30 seconds wasn't working.  I kept myself calm and just kept at it.  After 3-4 tense minutes I was able to unlock myself.  

My shoulders were in pain as I lowered them to unlock my legs.  I got out of bed and my legs wobbled due to being spread so far and me flexing my hips for 40 minutes. I removed the massager from my ass.  I always hate that empty feeling of removing a plug.  Lastly, I removed the clover nipple clamps.  They had depressed my skin so much that removing them was not as easy as just taking them off. As blood rushed back into my nipple I gasped in pain.  A quick rub of my nipples shot additional pain through my chest. I was exhausted, but even more horny than when I started.  I cleaned up and changed into a nighty and went to bed.

A story with some reality

Below is a story of which many of the things written occurred and a few of them are completely fabricated.  I hope you like it. 

Mistress left town on a short trip.  She's only going to be gone for about 40 hours.  She flew out first thing in the morning which means we had to get up at 5am.  Mistress got up before me to start getting ready.  When I got up I immediately noticed my micro chastity device on the bathroom counter.

"Put it on," she said.  You're going to be so busy that you won't have time to touch yourself.  I'll be taking the keys with me."

I was in shock.  It's been years since we have had real D/S and even longer since I had been locked up by her.

I struggled to get into my smallest device with my hard-on but managed to stuff it in and hand the keys to Mistress.

We headed off to the airport.  On the way, we had small talk about everything that we had going on in our vanilla lives.  I pulled up to the terminal and Mistress told me she left instructions on the kitchen counter. She said the future of our Female Led Relationship would be determined by how well I followed instructions.  Before getting out of the car she gave me a deep kiss and patted my chastity device through my pants while giving a look that made my cock swell.

I rushed home to see what was in store for me.  After feeding the dog I found the letter left for me.

#1. Spray your perfume on (heavy).  I know your mind gets weak when you wear that slutty stuff.  I want your mind open and ready.

#2. Put on your heavy cable collar.  You're going to be wearing this a lot more.

#3.  Paint your pinky fingernails with my teal polish.  It will be enough to make you aware but not too much to go out.

#4. Put on some naughty women's underwear and one of your feminine tops that is not obvious and take the dog for a walk.  When this is done go to page 2.

I completed all of the tasks.  At first, I was paranoid about the top I had to wear but it was early and passable so it was no big deal.  

Here are the panty and top that I chose to wear.

On page 2, I read the following.

#4. When you get back, make yourself scrambled eggs for breakfast.  Put them on a plate and set the plate on the floor in front of a mirror.  Put on your pink cuffs and attach your hands behind your back and start eating.  Be careful.  If any egg falls on the floor you must lick it off the floor.  I am doing this to let you see how pathetic you are.  A 50+ year old man that will do this shows me just how much you will do to be treated harshly.  

#5.  After breakfast, I want you to snap your balls 6 times with the large rubber bands.  I will be inspecting for bruises when I get back so make it good. I managed to complete this.  It hurt, but not as bad as I had expected.  I was bruising easier than usual.

#6. Using your pink cuffs and handcuffs I want you to hog-tie yourself in a way that you can get out.  Put the key 15 feet away so you have to squirm to the keys.  Be sure your nipples are clamped for this.  I want your nipples raw.   After putting clover clamps on my nipples,I dropped the keys at one end of the room and locked my ankles together with one pair of cuffs.  I laid on my stomach and locked one cuff on one wrist and looped it through my ankles and closed the other cuff on the other wrist.  I was stuck.  I quickly realized that squirming on my belly wasn't going to work so I rolled onto my side and eventually to my back where I kept my butt raised and inched to the cuffs.  I was unlocked in about 5 minutes, but my thighs were stressed from my keeping my back off the tile.

#6.  Get to work.  You can't play all day.  While inside you will wear only women's clothes. Take out the dog as needed and put on male clothes over your feminine attire.  When you come back fronm waking the dog you have to put on something new and feminine.

#7.  At the top of every even hour (8, 10, 12, 2, 4) set a 5-minute timer and put on one nipple clamp.  After the 5 minutes are up, switch the clamp to the other nipple.  Do this until the top of the hour and take an hour off.

#8. After work go to the store for your shopping list and your dinner.  Wear your body stocking under your clothes.  When you get back, feed the dog and start your blog post.  Once you have the blog post updated get into something skimpy and scrub the bathroom top to bottom.  It had better sparkle or I will make you do it all over and will blister your ass. I don't care how long it takes.

#9.  When you are done, strip put some cuckold porn in your AirPods, tie yourself spreadeagle to the bed.  Set a timer and lie there for 2 hours listening to women getting fucked by men that are not their husbands.  Imagine this happening to you!

#10.  Add some perfume to your skin and go to bed.  Have Sweet Chasity Dreams.  I will text you all further instructions tomorrow.

Orgasm Overload

When I was being denied orgasms for nearly the last 3 months I was really enjoying the neediness, desperation, and submissiveness that was created.

Now that I’ve cum a couple times I am craving more and more orgasms.  Instead of no orgasms, I’m wanting to be forced to orgasm until I’m begging to not cum. Since I came a couple weeks ago I can’t get this fantasy out of my mind.  I envision a couple different ways this would happen.

Mistress picks a weekend to indulge me and gives me a set of instructions. I am to be in our bed at the top of every even hour, naked and have 3 of my limbs self-restrained. We would have our Hitachi vibrator, Venus 2000 masturbation machine and a couple of masturbation sleeves available. Just before 8 am on a Saturday I head upstairs and restrain myself to the bed. Mistress comes in and pulls a blindfold over my eyes and restrains my untied arm and then walks around the bed tightening all of the remaining limbs.

She climbs onto the bed and lubes up my cock with coconut oil and stokes my cock until I get hard. She then mounts my cock and fucks me while I am tied down. She proceeds to tell me that she is going to take the whole weekend to milk me dry and unable to cum. She says she won’t be satisfied until I’m begging her to stop with tears in my eyes.  She tells me that we will start with the ways to make me cum. Her pussy. Her hand a masturbation sleeve. Once those no longer work she will move on to the heavy machinery of the Venus 2000 and the Hitachi. She says she’ll be adding certain elements such as nipple clamps, cock straps, butt plugs and other items that she knows pushes my buttons and gets me to orgasm faster. She also tells me to expect lots of post orgasm torture.

In no time I am at the edge and I ask for permission to cum. She tells me that this weekend I do not have to ask permission to cum but I do have to tell her when I am about to cum. I tell her that I am cumming and I quickly fill her pussy with a lot of cum. Mistress climbs off my cock and sits on my face and orders me to lick her clean. She then informs me that I will be eating as much of my cum as possible.  As soon as we are done Mistress releases my limbs, tells me to leave the wrist and ankle cuffs on and tells me to cook us breakfast.  We finish breakfast a bit before 9 o’clock and I work on straightening up my office.

My 10 o’clock orgasm is delivered by a very well lubricated hand and she doesn’t stop when I cum. I thrash in the bed until I’m exhausted and then Mistress feeds me a combination of cum and coconut oil from her fingers.  After each orgasm I am released and given something to do or we catch up on one of our TV shows.

At 12 o’clock I’m tied back in bed. Mistress uses her had again. It takes longer but I cum and eat it up again.  I’m sent off to run some errands with panties on under my clothes.

2pm - Mistress uses a masturbation sleeve. It takes me a while to get hard so Mistress applies nipple clamps. The pain makes my cock throb and Mistress forces another orgasm out of me.

4 PM - I’m having a hard time cumming so a cock strap and nipple clamps are added.  Mistress uses the Hitachi and is able to make me cum. She keeps it buzzing long after I cum and I am begging her to stop. 

6 PM - Mistress tells me to go insert a butt plug and head upstairs. Now she starts using the Venus 2000. This device can suck an orgasm out of guys that have erectile dysfunction and can’t get hard. It takes a while but a very uncomfortable orgasm rips from my body. This is starting to feel like torture.  I am instructed to leave the plug in.

8 PM - as I am about to head upstairs Mistress announces that I am done for the day. I am to remove my plug and we will start again at 8 am on Sunday.

I sleep very well, but also concerned about the next day.

I’d like to keep going but I also want to leave it a mental mystery. I do imagine there is a point where I can’t cum anymore.  I also imagine there is a point where I am having an orgasm, but since I can’t cum, the orgasm keeps going and doesn’t stop. I’m in heaven and hell at the same time. I’m pulling against my restraints because it feels so good, too good.  Cumming until I can’t cum anymore and still being forced to is an amazing fantasy of mine.

One other variation of my fantasy is not just orgasm overload but total overload.  Blindfold, earphones with white noise or porn playing in my ears. A gag. A heavy leather collar. Nipple clamps. A tightly laced corset.  Stockings and high heels. The e-stim plug in my ass.  I’m tied to the bed with the plug pulsing in my ass, the Venus stroking my cock and the Hitachi adding vibration wherever Mistress wants it.  For the next 4-5 hours, Mistress keeps the machines running.  Turning off and on. Changing the speed of the stimulation. Nipple clamps are removed and added back. The earphones are occasionally removed so that Mistress can fill my mind with things she knows pushes my buttons. After each orgasm, the machines relentlessly keep going. Making me scream in agony until the agony turns to pleasure again.

A boy can dream, right?

Now that I’ve got myself all worked up. I should stroke my cock through my panties to orgasm, but I won’t. I’ll post this and get to work.

Getting stimulation where I can

I am now 7 weeks without an orgasm and almost 7 weeks locked in chastity with no stimulation whatsoever to my cock.  My dopamine levels are off the charts.  I am consumed by submissive and desperate thoughts.  Mistress has been getting up before me lately which used to be my prime time for edging myself and possibly cheating and cumming, especially when I am denied this long.  I told her as much and she suggested that maybe we need to make my chastity forever to which my heart skipped a beat and my brain turned to mush.  Maybe we do...

This morning would have been an extra easy day to masturbate.  Mistress had an early meeting which would have given me ample time to get myself off in my home office.  But since I am locked, I cannot do that.  Because of this lack of stimulation to my cock, I have been craving other stimulation.  However, since Mistress and I work from home together, I can't really do much without her instructions or her permission.

After my shower this morning I put on a bit of extra perfume and lilac deodorant.  I then went to my feminine dresser drawers as my feminine closet in the extra room is currently inaccessible.  I put on a woman's pair of blingy Bermuda length jean shorts and a white tank top with lace around the collar and armholes.

I also put in my prostate massager, and the stimulation is amazing.  I did some chores around the house ensuring that my prostate got plenty of attention.  I am now sitting on it while I type this as well as wearing a clothespin on one nipple that I switch every few minutes when it the pain dulls.

I have allowed myself this indulgence for another 20 minutes while I work before going back to my male mode.  The stimulation is nice but it really isn't helping like I thought it would.  It is making my desperation even worse.  Ugh.

I don't normally like drawings, but this one made me a bit jealous of his situation as well as the outfit she is wearing to go to sleep :-)

  

Control

Last night Mistress and I had sex before bed.  Mistress was pinching my nipples delightfully hard while asking me if I had been a good boy.  I asked her to define good boy.  She said that I knew and pretended that I didn't and asked her to define it again.

Eventually it came out that I have been edging quite a bit and that I have also leaked.  Sometimes I have licked it up and other times I haven't.  She didn't like my answer and I joked, 'if only there was some way for me to keep from touching myself without permission'.  She hinted that when we get back from a short trip next week I will be going back into chastity and that she will be exerting more control over me.

This reminds me of something currently going on in our household.  We recently got a puppy and have hired a trainer.  The trainer is drilling into our head that we need to be alpha to the dog.  If not, you lose control and your dog rules over you.  I feel the same way about a relationship.  Even in "balanced" vanilla relationships, someone is in control.  Maybe not 100% of the time, but certainly over certain aspects of their relationship.  When both people try to be the one in control of a certain aspect of their life, conflict arises.  While I am submissive, I am also a male which sometimes tries to take control of things even if they are not mine to take control of.  When I do this, it creates conflict.

Now in dog training you don't punish the dog.  However as a submissive male, punishment can have a powerful effect.  D/s can be used for reward and punishment depending on the what Her/our goals are.  In the end, I deserve some sort of punishment for many of my behaviors over the last few months.  New rules, tasks and expectations would also benefit us greatly.  I want Mistress to be my Alpha for everything unless she assigns me to be Alpha for something specific.  Now that we have this puppy the dog kennel is his.  We will need to come up with a new way for Mistress to be able to lock me away as punishment.  I have many terrible ideas.  I do not deserve to have control of even myself.  

Now onto my last couple of days.  I have manged to edge myself upwards of 30-40 times with no leakage.  I have been so worked up I have been dominating myself a bit.  I have worn my chastity device a few hours a day.  I have worn a cock ring as well.  I have been wearing panties.  I painted my fingernails and toenails with a shade of nail polish one shade darker than clear.  I can't really see it, but I can feel it.  When I am working out I wear feminine clothes and practice a bit of self bondage during my rests, all while fantasizing about being subjected to far worse treatment.  I've also been fantasizing about wearing something feminine on my bike rides but haven't had the guts, yet.  

We have lots of chain and other hardware to make someone completely helpless.

Even though we had sex last night I was not allowed to cum.  It's been just over 6 weeks since my last orgasm.  Maybe that's why I am in such a desperate mood.

Jealous

Over the last few years I have acquired a good selection of BDSM videos that are on my hard drive.  A good number of them were from when I was a member of the Kink.com family of websites.  Now my preference is Femdom videos, but I also saved a good portion of Male Dom, Female to Female, and even some transexual and gay BDSM porn as Mistress sometimes likes to watch those types of videos.

I don't watch these videos often.  Maybe if I or we are traveling, and very rarely at home.  Yesterday was one of those rare days.  I have a Roku video streamer and there is a channel on it that is connected these videos so we can watch them on any of our large screen TV's.  Mistress stepped out to get her nails done and run a couple errands. I was working from home doing some tedious online class for work, so I decided to have some entertainment playing in the background waiting for the online class to progress.  I went into the "all videos" section and decided on the letter P, hoping to find some predicament bondage.

I first watched a couple girls Domme a guy.  It was a lot of boring spanking and ass fucking, so I fast forwarded through much of the video until they made him cum and then made him eat his cum.

Then I watched a very short one where a guy was tied up in a jail cell.  The woman came in and stroked him to orgasm and then kept on stroking until he was begging her to stop.

The next one was a guy locked in chastity.  The only stimulation he gets is his Mistress kneads his balls until he has an orgasm.  After he cums she makes him fuck himself in the ass with a dildo to show his obedience after an orgasm.  That's devious.  

The next one I stumbled across was called Point of No Return.  It's from the Kink.com's Device Bondage.  Now this one is Male Dom which doesn't do it for me as much as Femdom does.  However in this case it did an awful lot for me.  Mainly because of how jealous I was of what this woman had to endure.  Just to be clear, most of what this woman goes through rides a fine line of being too much.  In every scene there are tears, screams, yelling in frustration, hopelessness, fear, pain, humiliation, exposure, degradation and for her, many, many orgasms. 

The first scene is my favorite, mainly because this one would be the easiest for us to duplicate at home.  The scene starts with the woman fully dressed and bent over in a stockade type restraint.  We have one of these in the basement, not exact, but close enough.  She is in heels, a dress, and panties.  I imagine she has been left in this position for some time, to wear her down both physically and mentally.  In this position she is to high to kneel and too low to get any relief for her lower back.  I am certain the heels are adding to her discomfort.  And now I am jealous wishing I could trade places.    

Picture of the stockade in our basement.  

The Dom comes in the room and fondles her for a bit to show her how helpless she really is.  He whips her enough to get her dancing in pain.  He then removes her panties and keeps whipping her.  Not too hard, but certainly not too soft.  After a bit he uses scissors to cut her dress off of her leaving her completely exposed.  Next come the clover style nipple clamps.  But he is extra mean and uses 3 sets of them.  While I would absolutely hate 3 sets, I am again jealous.  

After the clamps are on, he takes a string and ties it from the center of one pair of the nipple clamps and then has her bend her knees.  He then ties the ends of the string to each of her knees.

He then whips her a bit trying to get her to straighten her legs and pull the clamps off.  She resists and keeps her knees bent, so he steps it up.  He grabs a cattle prod and walks behind her.  She can't see it but she can hear it charging.  He tells her to straighten her legs.  She starts crying saying she can't.  He keeps telling her to do it, and gets more and more scared and frustrated.  Since she won't do it herself he tells her she is going to get shocked.  He makes her choose a leg.  

By now, her left leg is shaking uncontrollably.  I am sure there is some fear about it, but mostly being in this position for so long and not being able to change leg position.  Now at this point I am starting to feel real empathy for her.  I hate electricity.  I hate the thought of electric shock.  Even something mild compared to a cattle prod would have me reacting the same way she is reacting.  Electricity is one thing that puts true fear in my heart.  As much as it scares me and I would fight it, I am again jealous of this poor girl.

She eventually picks the right leg and he shocks her hard.  She jumps and one of the clamps gets pulled off of her nipples. She is in agony.  He backs off a bit and lets her regain her composure.  Her legs are still shaking while he strokes her skin.  After a short bit he starts back up and tells her she still needs to straighten her legs.  He tells her if she doesn't, she will get the left leg with the cattle prod.  Of course she begs him not to and he ignores her request.  He zaps her and she pulls the other clamp off.  He immediately puts a Hitachi on her pussy and in no time she has rebounded from the pain and fear.  As he rubs the hitachi on her pussy he takes off and puts back on the clamps, creating a pleasure/pain battle.  She is begging to cum, her legs are shaking, and I am certain her mind is an absolute mess.  What an amazing predicament bondage scenario.  All of that and I am super jealous of her.  

The next scene has her tied like this.

  

He puts suction devices on her nipple, pussy and clit until they are filled with blood and sensitive.  He uses a cane on her body as she screams in pain with tears in her eyes.  Then he gives her the Hitachi treatment again.  She is drooling all over herself while begging to cum.  Eventually he puts a clothespin zipper on her, from her armpits to her toes, while the Hitachi is buzzing her.  He makes her choose decide if she wants the zipper pulled before or after she comes.  She wisely chooses before.  As much as I would hate the zipper, I am jealous of her.

The last scene starts like like this.

She is tied to Sybian vibrating saddle.  She has a corset on. Her arms are bound behind her in a leather arm binder.  She has a very tight posture collar on around her neck.  Her hair is tied to the ceiling keeping her upright and from falling off.  Her feet are tied up and back so that she cannot use her legs to escape from the vibration.  For the next 30+ minutes he vibrates her pussy and clit while alternately whipping her, torturing her nipples and using a plastic sheet to cut off her air supply.  

Through all of this, she has countless orgasms.  Since he doesn't turn off the saddle, she goes from one orgasm to being too sensitive and into another orgasm again and again.  Not being able to have multiple orgasms makes me even more jealous.  All of this was fairly boring to watch, I had to fast forward through a lot of it, but I am certain it was not boring to have to endure.  You can see the look on her face several times as though she is in another world or having an out of body experience.  In the post scene interview he said he stopped the scene because he didn't think she would or could.  Hot!  

I imagine the next day she hurt from dead to toe.  Her feet from her shoes and from being whipped.  Her legs from trying to endure so many strenuous positions.  Her back from being bent over.  Her nipples from being clamped and whipped.  Her pussy and clit from all of the orgasms and vibrations. I also bet every time she thinks of this event she will get very wet and aroused.

Having to endure even one of these scenes let alone 3 on top of each other seems very difficult.  I am extremely turned on imagining myself having to go through something similar and so intense.  Being pushed in such a way that I would seriously consider using my safe-word (during electricity) and either not using it or not being allowed to have one.  Riding the line between torture and ecstasy would be such a mind fuck.  My cock strains against my device just thinking about it.  That made me pretty jealous of this woman and many like her.  

  

Uh-Oh

Mistress appears to have taken my recent blog postings to heart.  Yesterday afternoon, we had another intense scene.

I went upstairs and get things ready.  I puled the bondage straps out from under the bed.  I put my wrist and ankle restraints on.  I pulled out several toys and striking implements so Mistress could decide what she wanted to use.  I put towels on the bed, put some music on and dimmed the lights.  I laid on the bed, blindfolded myself and tied 3 of my limbs to the bed straps.

Mistress came in the room.  She restrained my 4th limb and tightened the straps down TIGHT.  Mistress put 8-10 clothespins on my scrotum as well as clover nipple clamps on my nipples.  I had recently added the clover clamps to the toy drawer as the clothespins are not intense enough for me. Mistress stroked my cock while lecturing me about my recent attitude.  She continued lecturing me and telling me how things were going to go from now on as she pulled the clothespins off of my scrotum causing me to gasp.

Mistress added rubber bands to my upper thighs and proceeded to snap them.  Out of all the implements we have used so far, these leave the best marks.  I was fortunate that Mistress put 3-4 bands together.  Combined, the pain they created was less sharp than a single band.

Mistress would hit the insides of my thighs and when the pain got too much she would stroke my cock to bring me back to my desperate horny state.

I lost track of time as Mistress continued to alternate between torture and pleasure.  Mistress told me how she intends on taking me to a local drag queen event.  First to observe, with the goal of taking me out in public the next time we go.  The thought scares me to death but also excites me.  At some point I will end up being fully feminized in public.  

Mistress also talked about putting me on a points system.  The more I serve her, the quicker I get to have scenes I enjoy.  Mistress also told me that she was going to start holding me much more accountable and enforce punishments much, much quicker.  I assured her that I want to be held to the highest standard and am willing to pay dearly for not serving her well.  I need to be doing more around the house.  To me this means I need to be doing chores while Mistress relaxes on the couch.  I would like there to be a 'honey-do' list every day.  I would like Mistress to remember that I am wired differently.  Having a list of tasks and being held accountable to complete it would really reinforce our D/s dynamic. There will be some challenges and push back from me, as she pushes me harder, but we both know I will be more fulfilled the more totally I am controlled.

At one point Mistress climbed on my face with her facing my feet.  She planted her pussy on my mouth.  I licked her as furiously as I could.  I tried to reach her asshole with my tongue.  I probably went about this the wrong way.  My intention was to show her how much I want to orally serve her.  I want to be consumed by her pussy.  I want to earn the privilege to be allowed to put my tongue in her asshole.  What I think I did is I went too fast and it wasn't doing anything for her.  I really do want to casually spend an hour or more between her legs worshiping her pussy.

I believe I almost got fucked in the ass with a strap-on, but I think a wardrobe malfunction occurred so instead of an ass fucking Mistress just put the dildo in my ass.  I kept wishing it was bigger and deeper.   

I am guessing after about 30 minutes, Mistress removed one of the nipple clamps and immediately rubbed the nipple.  OMG!  It was probably the most painful thing she did to me all afternoon.  Which is surprising considering how many times she hit my balls, smacked the rubber bands and hit me hard with implements.  That was until she the took off the second nipple clamp and rubbed my nipple which again was intensely painful.  On a scale of 1-10, my nipples are still sore at a level 1.  I was hoping for a residual pain level of 5-6.   

The longer the scene went on, the more I confessed my total and complete surrender to Mistress.  I confessed that I have totally embraced chastity.  For years I have resisted it unless it was for entertainment purposes, but now I believe it is in my best interest to be locked 24/7 for the rest of my life.  Release should only be for Mistress' pleasure.  I also confessed I have now accepted my feminine side.  I truly believe I am more subservient when I am dressed, perfumed, erotically shamed, etc.  My bad attitude is when my masculine side tries to take over.  I begged Mistress to keep pushing my feminization so that I naturally choose feminine over masculine.  I need encouragement if not outright force in the afternoons and evenings, when my libido is lower, as deep down I want to be dressed.  I just need help getting me over my last bit of resistance.  Lastly I confessed how much I want to kneel at her feet.  I think this act alone is a very powerful one.  Much like a queen asks her subjects to 'bend the knee' to show they serve her, and her alone.  It might feel uncomfortable the first few times, but I would bet a large sum of money that she would get used to it and eventually love the symbolism of me kneeling before her.  I would go into subspace very quickly with just this act alone.  It also a good position to orally pleasure her.

Mistress mounted my cock and rode me.  I really thought she was going to make me cum inside her and them make me clean her out. but she had other ideas.  We are going on a long trip soon.  I tend to get stressed and snarky when we travel and having an orgasm would just increase the chance for me to have a bad attitude.  I was to have no orgasm.  Instead Mistress gave me some instructions for the week.  I am to continue to stay in chastity until we leave and had to lock myself up the second we got done.  I hope she intends to keep me locked until the morning of our trip and not release me the night before.  I truly don't want kindness and mercy.  I am also required to wear my largest butt plug for 2 hours every day until we leave (I am wearing it now).  That being said, I believe I should wear it on the morning of our trip as well.  She also mentioned that we would be having another intense scene as a preventative measure at the end of the week.  That way when I get stressed and snarky she can remind me of what will happen if I don't change my attitude.  I am wishing we have a 'daily lesson' so to speak.  

Mistress managed to edge and beat me until I was a mass of submissive putty.  I don't think there was anything I wouldn't have done at that point.  She owned me.

Before Mistress untied me I asked her if I could add a few tasks to myself that I knew I would regret.  She indulged me.  I asked to wear my bikini in out hot tub.  She told me that I could.  I also asked to wear something slutty the rest of the night and she told me no.  I asked if I could wear pink leggings and a pink camisole and she said I could.

Mistress then untied one of my limbs  She told me to untie myself and that I would now be pleasuring her.  She ran off to the bathroom while I untied myself.  I was in such a state of subspace and pure desire to serve that I untied myself and knelt on the bed awaiting her arrival.  I was still wearing my blindfold and restraints.  Mistress came back from the bathroom and laid on the bed.  She told me to use my fingers inside her.  I begged to be allowed to go down on her first.  She told me 'no'.  I am pretty sure it's because she just went to the bathroom, but I knew that.  I really wanted to lick the remaining drops of piss from her pussy.  I can't think of a more submissive way to express my true desire and devotion than to do such an act.  It is also deep rooted in my brain as it goes back to my very first submissive fantasies I had as a pre-teen.

I obeyed Mistress and started to put my fingers in Mistress and instead she changed her and and told me to fuck her.  I did, much better than I expected but still was on the edge fast.  I then made her cum several times and she squirted quite a bit.  This made me want to grab a glass and catch her juices and drink them up.  She made me fuck her again.  This time I got too close to the edge.  I should have dribbled, but somehow did not.  Mistress was not having any more of that.  She had me make her cum a few more times and then she announced she was done.  I was disappointed as I didn't want this feeling to end.  Ever.

She had me clean up the room and put everything away.  I hate having to clean up after a scene, but being made to do so put me in the right frame of mind.  I am a slave and I don't get to decide what I want to do.  We then went to the hot tub. I was wearing my bikini.  If any of our neighbors were outside paying attention, there could have been 3-4 that could have seen me.  I was in such sub-space that I really didn't care.  I could see that becoming a new requirement.  Sitting in a hot tub in a bikini is way naughtier than being nude.  The feminine reinforcement is powerful.  

The bottom half of my bikini

After the hot tub, I did put on my pink leggings and camisole and made us dinner.  Mistress did a great job of reminding me of my outfit and my position as her slave.  I forgot to wear my butt plug when we got out of the hot tub.  I am fortunate Mistress reminded me as I was able to put it in at bedtime and sleep with it in for a few hours.  If I were her, I would have let me fail so I could have punished me for it.  I'm mean like that.  

At bedtime I thanked Mistress for her abuse.  I also encouraged her to keep at it.  This morning as I write this I am encouraged where this is heading.  I am still in pretty strong sub-space and am willing to do absolutely anything.  Mistress has now had a couple scenes where she has shown an ability to be mean.  I am truly scared of disobeying which is something I can only say a few times not only in this relationship but in my entire life.  I want to live in a certain state of fear because that fear is what will get me through my resistance and disobedience.  Fear will free me.

                 

        

Going to my happy place

When I am stressed, sick, or in some other distress, I have have a coping mechanism that I call 'going to my happy place'.  My happy place is anything D/s related that takes my mind off of what is stressing me our or making me feel sick.  Lately I have had a ton of work related stress.  I will wake up in the middle of the night and am unable to go back to sleep.  Sometimes I can lie awake for hours, stressing.  Last night I woke up and started to stress again.  I decided I wasn't going to let that happen so I tried going to my happy place.

I started thinking about my current state of being in chastity 24/7 for 10 days now.  Last night Mistress had stated we needed to make time for a torture session soon.  My mind drifted to recent blog posts about being meaner.  My random thoughts we not enough and my mind kept drifting back to work stresses.  I had to try something new.  I came up with a version of kinky 'counting sheep'.

I decided to go from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet and think of all the things that could be done to my body in a D/s kind of way.  Here's how it went to the best of my ability to recall.  Some of this may be more extreme than expected due to my darker nature depending on stress levels.

Head - A wig. My full leather bondage hood, laced tightly and left on for hours.

Eyes - Blindfolds.  Eye makeup.  Clear mascara in public.

Ears - Clip on earrings worn around the house at all times.  White noise being pumped into my ears through headphones for sensory deprivation.  Clothespins on earlobes.

Nose - Forced smelling.  Mouth taped shut and nose clamped for breath play.  Nose hook for humiliation.

Mouth - Ball gag.  Penis gag.  Dildo Gag.  Ring gag, used to put things in my mouth like cum, spit, piss, lemon juice, etc.  Bar of ivory soap in mouth for being lippy or talking back.  Throat fucking.  Lipstick.  Clothespin on tongue.  Lot's of oral sex for Mistress.  Licking Mistress' asshole.  Being forced to lick my cum from a plate.

Face - Face slapping.  Full Makeup. Duct tape to gag mouth shut (with dirty panties in my mouth).

Neck - My wire collar. Locking leather collar.  Posture Collar.  Choking.  Feminine choker worn at home.  Rope around the neck.  Wrists tied to neck.  Women's necklace.    

Chest/Nipples - Pierced again.  Bra.  Silicone bra Inserts.  Nipple clamps.  Sand paper on nipples, rubbed raw. Icy hot on nipples.  Suction cups on nipples until bruised.  Needle play.  Clothespin zipper.

Arms/wrists/hands - locking cuffs worn at home.  Handcuffed as much as possible.  Feminine bracelet.  Nail polish.  Fake nails on weekends.  Feminine rings.  Shaved armpits.  

Torso - Shaved at all times. More suction cup bruises.  Wearing a corset a few hours every week.  Mistress takes me out with a tightly laced corset on under my clothes.  Rubber band bruises. Permanent marker with humiliating things written on me.  Tramp stamp on back.  

Yes, this is me.

Cock and Balls - Never ending chastity.  Forced orgasm while in chastity  Balls tied to ankles and feet tickled.  Icy hot or similar applied to cock and balls.  Urethral sounds.  Humbler with electricity.  Shocking dog collar on balls.  Hair plucking when I go too long without shaving.  Hot wax.   Acrylic ball crusher (edge me until I am about to cum and then tighten the screws).  Apply numbing cream and a condom before fucking Mistress so I can last longer.  It's amazing how much you can crush balls without damaging them.

Yes, this is me too.

Ass - A beating until I use my safeword (and then some more).  Icy hot on asshole.  Plugged more often.  Fucking machine for a long slow ass fucking (lube continuously applied to make it last until I am begging for it to stop.) Enemas.  Strap on.  Buy a suction cup dildo for self torture.  E-stim butt plug.  

Legs - Shaved at all times - Thigh high stockings. Rubber band bruises.  Being tied until legs start shaking.  More permanent marker.

Knees - kneeling in front of Mistress.  Must kneel at my computer when I am writing my blog or looking at porn.  Kneeling on rice.  Forced kneeling as punishment.

Feet - Nail polish at all times.  High heels worn at home.  Feminine toe rings.  Forced to stand on spiked mat.  Women's socks at work.  Grains of rice added to the inside of my heels or in socks at work.  Must come home with same number of grains of rice.  Caning or using a leather strap on the bottom of the feet (also known as bastinado).

 

Shortly after this mental excersize I was able to fall asleep.  It's funny how my twisted little brain works.

Making things more difficult

This morning I could have chosen to wear something comfy  and casual and likely not been questioned on it.  Instead I chose my skirt and a top to go with it.  I could have just worn that, but I decided to add a bra.  Not because I like wearing a bra, but because it's more difficult.  Feeling the straps digging into me.  Making me aware of my every movement.  Making me feel humiliation at this extra feminine item of clothing.  I can ignore panties, but not a bra.

Then I decided to make my life even more difficult.  Instead of wearing my black platform heels I decided to wear my black strappy pumps.  The heels are 5 inches on both pairs of shoes, but the platform on the other pair makes the net heel height only 3 inches.  In my pumps, my heels are raised a full 5 inches.  I have to walk with smaller steps, making me that much more aware of my situation.  These shoes hurt my feet more than the others.  It's not about the shoes, as much as it's about the difficulty.

This concept explains why I wear a nighty.  I'd rather not.  However, the challenge, the difficulty, having to do something I don't like; that makes it all worth while.

The hornier I get, the more difficult I want things to be.  Today is 3 weeks since my last orgasm, so the more difficult the better.  Some of the thoughts I had about how to make life more difficult.

• Having to wear a thick leather collar when home

• Shackled all day

• Corset
• Stockings, garters, hose, etc
• Makeup
• Sitting on a spiked mat 

There are obviously lots of ways to make a slaves like more difficult.  I love/hate the thought of it!

      

Thursday night date night

Mistress and I had our date night on Thursday night.  While Mistress was getting ready, I prepared the bed.  I pulled out the straps we keep hidden under the mattress and placed some towels on the bed.  I pulled out the toys we use the most and put them on the dresser next to the bed.  Mistress let me out of chastity before I showered and so that I could clean myself well and stay clean until later.  I put on one squirt of my new perfume, and some fishnet suspender hose before getting dressed in my male clothes.

We went to a happy hour and had a few appetizers and cocktails.  On our way home Mistress told me what I was to do when we got home.  I was to light the candles we have in the room and put on some music.  Then I had to put restraints on my wrists and ankles and strip down so that I was only wearing the fishnet hose. I was to put 3 large rubber bands around each thigh, blindfold myself and then tie down my three limbs.

Once I was secured to the bed Mistress entered the room.  The started by going around the bed and tightening the 3 limbs that were already secured.  Then she went to my free arm, clicked a clip onto the restraint and tightened that limb down.  I was held down tightly and my cock was rising just from the bondage.  Mistress then left the room to change clothes or remove clothes, I don't know since I couldn't see.  The rest of what happened is kind of a blur so I don't necessarily remember the order of events.

Essentially Mistress alternated putting generous amounts of lube on my cock before stroking me to an edge.  She would hit my inner thighs with several implements from a rubber stick the width of my finger to a flexible metal rod that you snap against the skin.  It's so thin and light that it hurts like hell and leaves a heck of a mark.  Mistress would also use these implements on my balls.  Mistress put clothespins on my nipples for a good 15 minutes and when she took them off she rrubed the blood back into them causing a rush of pain.  By far the worse thing Mistress did was snap those rubber bands against my inner thighs.  It's crazy to think 20 cents of rubber bands are the implement I fear the most.

At one point I asked Mistress to please put a clothespin back on my nipple(s).  That set her off.  After that I got about 3 minutes of constant smacking with what I believe to be a riding crop.  She smacked my cock, balls and inner thighs non-stop while scolding me for being a pushy bottom.  She told me that my blog posts have been too pushy, and that she was not here to fill my wish list, and that I needed to focus less on things I want her to do to me.  After that, Mistress took a pair of panties that old cum stains in them.  She poured some water into them and shoved them into my mouth so she didn't have to hear about what I wanted any longer.  I could have easily pushed the panties out of my mouth, but after what I just endured I chose to leave them in.  

So Mistress did an amazing job of stroking my cock and right as I got to the edge and told her I was about to cum, she would snap a rubber band or hit me in the balls or smack me with something else.  It was back and forth, and I would go from amazing pleasure to excruciating pain.  I wanted the pain to stop, but the pleasure was so good that I more than willing to endure the pain to keep the teasing going.

After about 45 minutes, Mistress decided it was her turn, so she unclipped my limbs so I could fuck her.  She had me rinse out my mouth and come back to bed.  When I got back to the bed I tried to go down on her, but she refused me that pleasure.  I easily put my cock in Mistress but before I could give her an orgasm I had to stop so I wouldn't cum without permission.  Mistress' expert teasing session had me perilously close to cumming.  Mistress had me pull out so I could use my fingers to make her cum which she did quite easily once my finger rubbed across her G-spot.  As soon as she would cum she would have me put my cock inside her.

As we did this, we talked.  I told Mistress that I was surprised how much I am liking being dressed up around her.  I confessed that I was enjoying it much more than I thought I would.  I told her that for the first time in my life I could see myself doing this long term.  She told me that she really likes me dressed and that she is planning on pushing me much further.  She really likes how submissive I have become.  When I am dressed up, I am less snarky, I have less male ego and machismo.  I am more open to obeying.  I don't really remember all the details but what I walked away with was that now that we are down this path, there is no turning back.  I will continue to be more and more feminized.  I will be more and more controlled.  Chastity is likely to be full time.  Not because she doesn't trust me, but because of the control it gives her and takes away from me.

As we talked, Mistress continued to have me alternate between fucking her with my cock and making me cum with her fingers.  She asked me if I wanted to cum, and I assured her I didn't.  She told me that if I did, I would be locked up in chastity first thing in the morning.  I asked what if I didn't cum and she said, "same thing", so I was in a lose/lose situation.  Mistress did assure me that she liked me to orgasm enough so that I remember how good it feels.  I entered Mistress again and she talked about how she was going to cum all over my cock.  I asked for permission to cum and she gave it to me.  I quickly filled her with my cum while I gave her another orgasm.  I mumbled about how she just won, making me so desperate that I couldn't stop myself.  Even though I just came, my cock was still rock hard (thanks pharmaceutical industry!) so I continued to fuck Mistress.  I had no fear of prgasming again.  Mistress kept cumming and I kept pushing my cock inside of her.  After a few minutes I couldn't go anymore.  Mistress let me catch my breath before she told to do me what I hoped she wouldn't .  She told me to lick my cum out of her pussy.  As I put my face between her legs to eat my own cum, I felt so owned.  I would do anything to be treated this was.  My shame and disgust were quickly overcum by feelings of arousal and submissiveness.  After I gave Mistress one more orgasm, she said she was done with me.  I cleaned up the toys and the bedroom so we could finish our evening relaxing.

Yesterday I spent the day replaying Thursday nights events in my head.  While our scene was intense and exciting, it was the communication that I was most excited about.  The fact that Mistress isn't only indulging my feminization, but that she is going to push me deeper and deeper.  To think that something I used to do a few times a year in a sexual context will now be a near full time part of my life, scares and excites me.  Seeing Mistress become more and more confident about controlling me, hurting me and punishing me is a dream come true.  I have spent almost 30 years of my adult life chasing this need of being controlled.  I have had brushes with it in the past, but this is the most hopeful I have ever been.  I think we will succeed this time because I have gotten out of my own head.  I am devoted to Mistress and the process of her owning me.  I will do my best to not pull back when things get intense and I believe Mistress will push me forward if I do try to pull back.  Things are looking great.

Here is the aftermath of my beating.  The bright red lines are from the rubber bands and the bruising from the large rubber stick.  I love wearing the marks she gives me!!!

      

The last couple days

The last couple days have been interesting.  On Friday, Mistress texted me to tell me my post was quite naughty.  When I got home from my trip, I sat next to Mistress on the couch thinking about my post.  Inside I was slightly embarrassed but not too much.  Mistress commented that my toenails needed to be painted on Saturday.  I usually keep them painted 24/7 from October through April, but with all of my trips to the hospital she waived this requirement.  At bed time Mistress kept grabbing at my nipples asking if they hurt, and they did, perfectly so.  I did a number on them.  Her teasing was perfect.

Yesterday I woke up and painted my toenails pink.  I love having my toenails painted!  The rest of the morning found us doing our normal errand running and shopping.  In the afternoon, we played some cards.  She won the first game by a huge margin, and I won the 2nd.  We decided to add a 3rd game with a bet.  If I won, Mistress agreed to plan the best D/s scene she has ever done for me.  If Mistress won I agreed to plan the most romantic date I have ever planned.  With consequences, we both played our most competitive game ever.  In the end I won.  While I am obviously ecstatic about winning, I have come to the realization that I may end up regretting winning.  A major case of be careful what you wish for!

After playing cards we went to the hot tub. Eventually the conversation came around to our lifestyle.  Now that my health is better, Mistress instructed me that I am again to be dressed feminine 24/7 when I am at home.  When I come home from somewhere I have 30 minutes to get dressed.  If I am out of the house I have to wear something under my clothes, top and bottom.  If I go in our back yard I cannot cover up or change clothes.  If I am in the front of the house, I have to stay dressed but I can put on a robe.  Mistress also wants me to acquire additional bras to wear as they are so restrictive and uncomfortable.  I encouraged Mistress to be as cruel and strict with me as she wants to and bras seem like a good next step.

After the hot tub, I came into the house and realized I had nothing feminine to wear.  I ran upstairs and put on one of my sluttiest dresses.  I was hoping Mistress would be turned on by it.

Mistress told me it was too slutty and that she likes me in classy clothes.  She also commented that a new rule is that I now have to wear women's shoes in the house. That had previously not been required.  I think Mistress didn't require shoes before as she was being nice and didn't want my feet to hurt.  Now I believe she is taking my recent comments about being stricter to heart and has added shoes to my required uniform.  Be careful what you wish for.

When we went to bed, Mistress instructed me to put towels on the bed.  Mistress let me keep my dress on as we climbed into bed. We started having sex and I got close to the edge a little too fast.  Mistress had me use my fingers on her.  She then had me get out the lube so she could stroke my cock.  We alternated between my cock inside her, my fingers inside her, my mouth on her pussy and her stroking my cock.  When Mistress would squirt she commanded me to lick it up. Mistress got frustrated about my need to keep stopping so I didn't go over the edge.  She made comments about how I needed to start lasting longer or she would find a guy to fuck her properly.  That is the first time she has ever talked like this.  I hate to admit it, but I found the talk to be exciting.  

Mistress also scolded me for torturing myself on my trip.  She tugged at my nipples while telling me that I will be spending a night in the cage for having a scene with myself.  I begged her to lock me up right then and there.  She refused.  I knew that by writing my story, I might end up getting punished.  I guess I know I deserve it.

Mistress stated commanding me to cum.  I begged Mistress not to cum, but she was relentless.  I finally came and put a week's worth of cum into her pussy.  She commanded me to lick it out.  At first I refused and then I feared what might happen if I didn't, so I sheepishly crawled between her legs and started licking.  I don't know how much I got out of her, but I stayed there until she told me to stop.

Afterward we cleaned up, I put on my nighty and we went to sleep.  I felt like a used up slut and I loved it. 

I woke up this morning expecting to be drained.  Instead my mind instantly went to yesterday and I replayed everything over again.  It turns out I woke up as horny today as I have been in some time.  When I got out of bed I went to the spare bedroom closet, where my feminine clothes are.  I wanted to show Mistress the mood I was in.  Instead of slutty, I picked out a classy little back dress (like Marilyn Monroe's white dress, but in black.).  I am also wearing 5" black pumps with a strap.  When Mistress got up, she commented on my shoes.  It's funny.  Wearing a dress around the house doesn't affect me the way it used to, but by adding heels, I am much more self conscious.  The dress by itself I can kind of ignore, but there is no way to ignore heels.  I wonder if I will get used to heels at some point?  Either ay, I am feeling very naughty this morning!

Well I am signing off for now.  Going to hot tub with Mistress again and then go put on some naughty clothes under my male clothes to go to a friends house to watch football.

I love being a little sissy slut!

Depraved

I am currently on a short trip away from home for work.  The last 36 hours I have been on submissive brain overdrive.  Yesterday morning I woke up after barely sleeping.  I have a hard time sleeping when I have to catch a flight and the other night was no exception.  On top of that I planned on wearing my chastity device to see if I still have skin issues with it.  So my mind was already in a suggestive state of mind.  In addition to my chastity device I packed a nighty and a couple pairs of panties.  I got up very early yesterday and as soon as I did I put on my panties and chastity device.  I was ready for the day.

I went about the rest of my day, very aware of my device and panties.  Unfortunately, my device did cause me some issues and I have remove it about 12 hours after putting it on.  I need to try my stainless steel device and see how that goes.  Very soon!

I went out to dinner with my co-workers last night and afterward for some additional drinks.  When I got back to my hotel, I had a pretty good buzz and was horny and drunk.  I decided to torture myself. 

Now writing this down is very hard for me.  My first instinct is to hide it.  At the same time, I need to confess so to speak.  I am very ashamed about the things I did to myself, but at the same time want Mistress to know as well as readers of this blog.

When I got back to my room I stripped off all of my clothes.  I found my favorite torture device in the closet.  A coat hanger with clips on it.  I proceeded to clip the clamps to my nipples and then I hooked it to the bar on the closet.  

After about 30 seconds I decided to escalate the stakes.  I looked into my bathroom dopp kit looking for ideas.  I saw a small tube of tooth paste.  I know how it stings so I put a large dollop on my finger and spread it all over my asshole and made sure to get a liberal amount inside me.  I expected it to sting right away but it didn't sting quite yet, so I decided to up the stakes again.

I saw some flossers and came up with an idea from a blog I read.  HERE IS THE LINK  I took something similar to what is in the link and pushed it into the open tube of toothpaste. I got a liberal amount of toothpaste on the bristles and proceeded to slowly push it into the hole in the head of my cock.  WOW.  That stung quickly.  

At this time my ass started to sting. I went to the closet and put the clamps back onto my nipples.  I took the hook and pushed it into the louvers in the door, forcing myself on my tip toes.  I put my hands behind my back and proceeded to count to 100 before I released myself.  

While on my tip toes, I dreamed of Mistress being there with me.  She would come up behind me and tie my arms behind my back.  She would tell me the only way I would get out of my predicament is by pulling my nipples out of the clamps.  My cock was burning as well as my ass.  I was in drunken, horny heaven.

After I got to 100, I undid the clamps allowing blood to rush to my nipples.  Ouch!  I then told myself to remove and insert the flosser 20 times in my cock head.  It was painful, but not too much, but I think that may be due to my drunken state.

I removed the flosser and after a short rest I put the clamps back on my nipples.  I went to the closet and found a clothes iron on a shelf.  I tied the cord to the hanger that was attached to my nipples.  I put my dirty panties in my mouth like a gag (so I wouldn't scream out)  I put my hands behind my back and started to pull back from the shelf.  The iron fell off the shelf and quickly yanked the clips off of my nipples.  Fucking ouch!!!

After that I went to the bed and lied back on the bed.  I belted my thighs together with my balls behind me, and redid the hanger to my nipples.  I pulled my knees up to my chest and hooked the hanger to the belt.  I held this position for another 5 minutes putting constant pressure on my nipples.  My ass and pee hole were still stinging.  I was a horny mess.  All I could think of was Mistress torturing me.

Through all of this I didn't touch my cock in any erotic way.  It was too sore from my chastity device. 

At this point I remembered a handful of podcasts I had downloaded months ago.  I put my headphones on and picked a couple to listen to.  The podcasts are "erotic hypnosis" recordings.  I listened to them when Mistress was away on a business trip.  They didn't have much of an effect on me before but I was curious again.

It was time for bed.  I cleaned up the hangers, toothpaste and everything else.  I put on my nighty and crawled into bed.  I picked a hypnosis track that I thought was about eating cum.  It played, I got into a trance.  About 20 minutes in I realize its a track about drinking piss from my Mistress.  With the mood I was in, I was quickly aroused by this.  I'm generally not aroused by piss play, but occasionally, I am.  Last night I imagined Mistress doing this to me.

I picked one more track to listen to.  This one was about being a man and getting comfortable about being feminine.  I put it on a loop and listened.  I fell asleep listening while it played for a couple hours.  While I can't say it was the hypnosis track that did it, I am in such a feminine mood today.  Probably more feminine than I have felt in a long time.

I am sitting my my hotel chair wearing only my nighty while I complete my this post.  I am wishing my toiletries in the bathroom were feminine toiletries.  I wish I could wear feminine deodorant.  Some perfume.  Nail polish.  While I brought panties, I wish I had a bra or camisole.  I wish I had some stockings.  I wish I was fully feminized under my clothes while I travel back home to my Mistress.  

My nipples have a nice residual soreness.  I have actually pinched my nipples quite a few times while writing this.  My cock is sore, but mostly from my device.  It hurts a bit when I pee from the flosser, but in a really good way.  I think I found a new CBT technique!

Writing this post has been deliciously humiliating.  I'm actually nervous to hit the publish button.  Admitting to Mistress what I did last night puts butterfly's in my stomach.  When I look into her eyes later today I will be erotically shamed and aroused beyond belief.