Monday, October 14, 2013

Cleared a hurdle

Last night as we were getting ready for bed, I was playing a game on my phone wearing my male clothes.  Mistress was in bed, ready for me to turn out the lights and go to sleep.  She didn't mention anything about my male attire either because she didn't think about it or she wanted to see what I would do.  In my own mind I was debating what to do.  I was feeling insecure about putting a nighty on.  I was slightly humiliated at the thought.  My male ego was trying to take over.  I debated a little bit more and decided I really want to do 100% of what my Mistress asks of me, even especially if I don't like it.  That is what true submission is about.  That being said, from about 4 am until I got up, I had many naughty thoughts running through my mind.  I woke up horny as could be.  I got through my self doubt, and submitted.  This is the first time I can ever remember of not letting my macho male ego get the better of me, and doing what I was told to do without it becoming an "issue" in my relationship.  I really feel my mindset changing and the pushy bottom part of me leaving.

For today's edge I thought about Mistress fucking with me this weekend.  Mistress will be going out of town this weekend for about 24 hours.  While I will likely just hang around the house or go grab a drink somewhere, I couldn't help thinking about other possibilities.    I edged to the idea of Mistress telling me to wear a bra and stockings with garters and my chastity device and having me go to a strip club.  Although I think it would be more fun having her with me for something like that.  I edged to the idea of her having me take her to the airport and/or pick her up, but I would be wearing womens clothes (jeans or slacks and a femme shirt, something not obvious but still a mind fuck for me).   If we didn't have our pets, I thought about her putting me in chains, shackles and chastity, naked and putting me in the dungeon and locking the door.  She would have webcams on me the whole time.  I would have a pair of bolt cutters in case of an emergency, but I would be in jail for 24 hours.  I imagined her locking me in the dog cage.  I would have to sit in it until she sent me the combination to the lock. I imagine her giving me a household chore or chores she wants done while she is gone.  I would be judged on how well I completed them.  I imagined Mistress teasing me with pictures of her or her taunting me about her slave at home.

I love my Mistress very much!

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