Thinking the Unthinkable

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A story with some reality

Below is a story of which many of the things written occurred and a few of them are completely fabricated.  I hope you like it. 

Mistress left town on a short trip.  She's only going to be gone for about 40 hours.  She flew out first thing in the morning which means we had to get up at 5am.  Mistress got up before me to start getting ready.  When I got up I immediately noticed my micro chastity device on the bathroom counter.

"Put it on," she said.  You're going to be so busy that you won't have time to touch yourself.  I'll be taking the keys with me."

I was in shock.  It's been years since we have had real D/S and even longer since I had been locked up by her.

I struggled to get into my smallest device with my hard-on but managed to stuff it in and hand the keys to Mistress.

We headed off to the airport.  On the way, we had small talk about everything that we had going on in our vanilla lives.  I pulled up to the terminal and Mistress told me she left instructions on the kitchen counter. She said the future of our Female Led Relationship would be determined by how well I followed instructions.  Before getting out of the car she gave me a deep kiss and patted my chastity device through my pants while giving a look that made my cock swell.

I rushed home to see what was in store for me.  After feeding the dog I found the letter left for me.

#1. Spray your perfume on (heavy).  I know your mind gets weak when you wear that slutty stuff.  I want your mind open and ready.

#2. Put on your heavy cable collar.  You're going to be wearing this a lot more.

#3.  Paint your pinky fingernails with my teal polish.  It will be enough to make you aware but not too much to go out.

#4. Put on some naughty women's underwear and one of your feminine tops that is not obvious and take the dog for a walk.  When this is done go to page 2.

I completed all of the tasks.  At first, I was paranoid about the top I had to wear but it was early and passable so it was no big deal.  

Here are the panty and top that I chose to wear.

On page 2, I read the following.

#4. When you get back, make yourself scrambled eggs for breakfast.  Put them on a plate and set the plate on the floor in front of a mirror.  Put on your pink cuffs and attach your hands behind your back and start eating.  Be careful.  If any egg falls on the floor you must lick it off the floor.  I am doing this to let you see how pathetic you are.  A 50+ year old man that will do this shows me just how much you will do to be treated harshly.  

#5.  After breakfast, I want you to snap your balls 6 times with the large rubber bands.  I will be inspecting for bruises when I get back so make it good. I managed to complete this.  It hurt, but not as bad as I had expected.  I was bruising easier than usual.

#6. Using your pink cuffs and handcuffs I want you to hog-tie yourself in a way that you can get out.  Put the key 15 feet away so you have to squirm to the keys.  Be sure your nipples are clamped for this.  I want your nipples raw.   After putting clover clamps on my nipples,I dropped the keys at one end of the room and locked my ankles together with one pair of cuffs.  I laid on my stomach and locked one cuff on one wrist and looped it through my ankles and closed the other cuff on the other wrist.  I was stuck.  I quickly realized that squirming on my belly wasn't going to work so I rolled onto my side and eventually to my back where I kept my butt raised and inched to the cuffs.  I was unlocked in about 5 minutes, but my thighs were stressed from my keeping my back off the tile.

#6.  Get to work.  You can't play all day.  While inside you will wear only women's clothes. Take out the dog as needed and put on male clothes over your feminine attire.  When you come back fronm waking the dog you have to put on something new and feminine.

#7.  At the top of every even hour (8, 10, 12, 2, 4) set a 5-minute timer and put on one nipple clamp.  After the 5 minutes are up, switch the clamp to the other nipple.  Do this until the top of the hour and take an hour off.

#8. After work go to the store for your shopping list and your dinner.  Wear your body stocking under your clothes.  When you get back, feed the dog and start your blog post.  Once you have the blog post updated get into something skimpy and scrub the bathroom top to bottom.  It had better sparkle or I will make you do it all over and will blister your ass. I don't care how long it takes.

#9.  When you are done, strip put some cuckold porn in your AirPods, tie yourself spreadeagle to the bed.  Set a timer and lie there for 2 hours listening to women getting fucked by men that are not their husbands.  Imagine this happening to you!

#10.  Add some perfume to your skin and go to bed.  Have Sweet Chasity Dreams.  I will text you all further instructions tomorrow.

The Cuckold Threat

 It’s been nearly a year since I’ve posted anything. Between running a company and traveling extensively there hasn’t been any D/S in my life in quite some time. It’s only very occasional where I lock myself in chastity, wear my steel cock ring, wear panties or put clothes pins on my nipples.  That being said I had a dream the other night that won’t leave my brain. I wanted to preserve it here as it’s still got me worked up. The dream wasn’t as elaborate as what I’m about to write but I’ve since had time to embellish it.  Here we go.

I dreamt that Mistress and I were in bed having standard missionary type sex. My cock buried deep inside her pussy while I try to get her to cum while keeping myself far enough from the edge to make sure she cums before I do. 

Usually during this time Mistress will say that she knows will push my buttons while twists my nipples, this make it VERY difficult for me to not get too close to the edge of cumming.  In my dream Mistress and I are having our usual hot talk when she says, “I’m going to start reinstating the rules, tasks and requirement I used to have for you”.  I lived for the days when I had a list of expectations that had to be followed so this quickly got my attention.

She continued, “This time however, I am going to ensure that you have real consequences for not meeting my demands”.  Oh my goodness. This is sounding like way more than our normal pillow talk.  She adds “In the past you’d weasel your way out of doing things you didn’t like in the hope of me punishing you in a way you wanted to be punished. This just created extra work for me to meet your kinky desires and didn’t benefit me in any way.”  

Now this has me even closer to the edge. This is some serious talk. I’ve always wanted our kinky life to get pushed past games and take on a more serious and lasting dynamic.  These comments got me nervously closer to the edge. 

Mistress proceeded to pick up her phone and show me a screen with a grid of pictures of men.  “Moving forward, when you don’t meet my expectations or do what you’ve agreed to do, I am going to use this dating app to find a man in whatever location we are in to go out on a date.”  I stop moving my hips. We’ve never talked about an open relationship and I have a hard limit of her seeing other men. 

Mistress then drops the phone and grabs my nipples. She wraps her legs around me and clenches her pussy against my cock that is already close to the edge. She says, “if you agree to my terms I want you to cum now”. My mind is spinning. No, I don’t want this. I want my kink, my way. I can be jealous and insecure. However, the control aspect is incredibly arousing, and to think we’d be moving back to a more Female Led Relationship has my curiosity peaked. 

Before I know it, I realize I’m cumming. I haven’t moved a muscle.  Mistress expertly twists my nipples and uses her pussy to take me over the edge. I start loudly mumbling, “no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nooooo” as I pump loads of cum into Mistress I realize I’m having a ruined orgasm and that my fate is sealed. I argue that my orgasm was a mistake and that I didn’t intend to agree to her terms. She said, “some part of your subconscious wanted you to cum and we both know we need to feed your subconscious little brain what it needs.  Now rule number one is that every time you cum, you need to eat all of your cum. Get to work cleaning me up or I’ll be going on a date tonight.”  Mistress releases her legs from their lock on my hips and I slowly move my face down her body to clean up my disgusting cum.

The dream ended at this point but my lizard brain hasn’t stopped there. I keep thinking about how this would look in reality. I imagine a list of rules. 

1. Clean up your cum every time you cum. 

2. You must initiate sex at least once a week. If I say, no, you will ask for permission to cum. If I say that you may you will proceed to strip and masturbate onto a plate. See rule #1.  

3.  You will go back to wearing feminine attire at night in bed.

4.  You will have my coffee ready to go the night before.

5.  You will get up with the dog every day. 

6.  You will be plugged 7 hours a week.  You decide how the 7 hours work (all at once or an hour a day, etc)

7.  You will do all dishes.

8.  You will request permission for every alcoholic beverage you wish to drink.  Expect to have this heavily controlled.

9.  You will request permission for any snack food you wish. 

10. You will wear panties every non travel day.  You will not wear them when we will see people we know. 

11.  Fingernails and toenails will be polished clear at all times unless another color is assigned.

12. You will wear your collar 24/7

13. You will go into chastity after every orgasm until I release you. I know how much you hate this, but it does get your mind in the right space faster. 

14.  You will address me as Mistress, Goddess, Queen, etc in private.

15.  You will never ask about my dates.

16.  You will drop me off and pick me up from my dates.

17.  You may not sleep when I am on a date. I want you to contemplate your station in life every time I’m out.

18.

19.

20.

If you’ve made it this far I’d love it if you’d add additional rules that you think should be included. Extra points for rules that benefit Mistress without hitting my kink buttons.  Comments are always appreciated. 

The year in review

2017 was tough for me professionally and financially, but on the D/s side of things I was very fortunate.  As I was waking up this morning with Mistress cock straining against its chastity cage, I realized my kinky side had a lot to be thankful for.  Here is a rundown of my submissive 2017.

• I had only 21 orgasms in 2017.  This is a new record for me.  18-20 years ago when I traveled for a loving I came at least 2-3 times a day if not 4-5.  I would estimate I have 900-1000 orgasms per year back in my younger more sexually selfish days.

• I had zero orgasms in February, July and December.

• I had only one orgasm in March, September, and November.

• In May I had 6 orgasms or more than 25% of the whole year.

• I set a new record of 72 days straight with no orgasm.

•  I spent 103 days in chastity.  That beats my previous best year by more than a month.  That is far more than any year in my life.  It is also a great starting point to try for 365 days in 2018.

• I just no realized that I am now in the longest period of continuous chastity in my life at 37 days and counting.  My previous record was 28 days, 2 years ago around this same time of year.  I am very excited to find that out.

•  I was dressed in feminine attire more in 2017 than all of my previous years combined.  Not only was I dressed more, I wore perfume more, I wore heels more, I wore bras more, and I stayed dressed for entire days, not just a couple of hours.  2017 was not a record year for nighty wearing however.

• I embraced my feminine side.

• I embraced wearing a chastity device.

• I spent more hours locked in a cage than I ever have.  This is not pleasure at all, so accepting it has been good for my submissive development.

• Mistress has started using me for her sexual pleasure while not concerning herself with my pleasure.

In so many ways 2017 was a banner year for me in my submissive mind.  I am very fortunate to have a Mistress that accepts me for who I am and wants to help push me further.  So that being said, here are my submissive goals for 2018

• My #1 goal is to break my nasty attitude and demeaning manner when communicating with Mistress.  This part of me is the only part of my father I have in me.  It's part of who I am unfortunately.  It doesn't mean it can't be corrected.  I cannot break it by myself, so I have requested Mistress to do whatever it takes to help me make it go away.  We are coming up with a plan to help me, but I want to reassure her that she can do whatever it takes to break me of this nastiness. I need to fear the consequences.

• Fewer orgasms.  I think something in the 2-6 range would be good, although an entire year without one sounds very exciting.

• 365 days of chastity.  I don't know if this is possible, but it is something I am serious about making happen.

• Being collared 365 days.  This morning I locked my collar back on.  I will have a plan for being able to travel with my collar on as well.

• I would like to be dressed feminine much more, but it's been so long since I have been fully dressed than I am insecure about it and need Mistress to coerce me a bit.  It's not just dress either, just something to keep enforcing my feminine side.

• Becoming more of a servant to Mistress.  From serving her wine, to helping her bathe, I want to truly serve her like a servant in ancient Egypt would serve his Mistress.

• Being used by Mistress for sexual pleasure much more.

• Starting to play in some darker areas.  Exploring things like temporary banishment, public feminization, forced-bi, and cuckolding.  These last 2 are not something I want for real, but I do think being verbally taunted and threatened with them are kind of hot.  I love a good mind-fuck.

• Now that Mistress and I both work from home, Mistress can fully control me in ways she couldn't working from an office.

• To be more owned then ever before and for Mistress to be more pleased than ever before.   

In closing, I want to wish everyone a Happy New year and a prosperous 2018.  I'd also like to thank Mistress for a record breaking 2017!

  

The last couple days

The last couple days have been interesting.  On Friday, Mistress texted me to tell me my post was quite naughty.  When I got home from my trip, I sat next to Mistress on the couch thinking about my post.  Inside I was slightly embarrassed but not too much.  Mistress commented that my toenails needed to be painted on Saturday.  I usually keep them painted 24/7 from October through April, but with all of my trips to the hospital she waived this requirement.  At bed time Mistress kept grabbing at my nipples asking if they hurt, and they did, perfectly so.  I did a number on them.  Her teasing was perfect.

Yesterday I woke up and painted my toenails pink.  I love having my toenails painted!  The rest of the morning found us doing our normal errand running and shopping.  In the afternoon, we played some cards.  She won the first game by a huge margin, and I won the 2nd.  We decided to add a 3rd game with a bet.  If I won, Mistress agreed to plan the best D/s scene she has ever done for me.  If Mistress won I agreed to plan the most romantic date I have ever planned.  With consequences, we both played our most competitive game ever.  In the end I won.  While I am obviously ecstatic about winning, I have come to the realization that I may end up regretting winning.  A major case of be careful what you wish for!

After playing cards we went to the hot tub. Eventually the conversation came around to our lifestyle.  Now that my health is better, Mistress instructed me that I am again to be dressed feminine 24/7 when I am at home.  When I come home from somewhere I have 30 minutes to get dressed.  If I am out of the house I have to wear something under my clothes, top and bottom.  If I go in our back yard I cannot cover up or change clothes.  If I am in the front of the house, I have to stay dressed but I can put on a robe.  Mistress also wants me to acquire additional bras to wear as they are so restrictive and uncomfortable.  I encouraged Mistress to be as cruel and strict with me as she wants to and bras seem like a good next step.

After the hot tub, I came into the house and realized I had nothing feminine to wear.  I ran upstairs and put on one of my sluttiest dresses.  I was hoping Mistress would be turned on by it.

Mistress told me it was too slutty and that she likes me in classy clothes.  She also commented that a new rule is that I now have to wear women's shoes in the house. That had previously not been required.  I think Mistress didn't require shoes before as she was being nice and didn't want my feet to hurt.  Now I believe she is taking my recent comments about being stricter to heart and has added shoes to my required uniform.  Be careful what you wish for.

When we went to bed, Mistress instructed me to put towels on the bed.  Mistress let me keep my dress on as we climbed into bed. We started having sex and I got close to the edge a little too fast.  Mistress had me use my fingers on her.  She then had me get out the lube so she could stroke my cock.  We alternated between my cock inside her, my fingers inside her, my mouth on her pussy and her stroking my cock.  When Mistress would squirt she commanded me to lick it up. Mistress got frustrated about my need to keep stopping so I didn't go over the edge.  She made comments about how I needed to start lasting longer or she would find a guy to fuck her properly.  That is the first time she has ever talked like this.  I hate to admit it, but I found the talk to be exciting.  

Mistress also scolded me for torturing myself on my trip.  She tugged at my nipples while telling me that I will be spending a night in the cage for having a scene with myself.  I begged her to lock me up right then and there.  She refused.  I knew that by writing my story, I might end up getting punished.  I guess I know I deserve it.

Mistress stated commanding me to cum.  I begged Mistress not to cum, but she was relentless.  I finally came and put a week's worth of cum into her pussy.  She commanded me to lick it out.  At first I refused and then I feared what might happen if I didn't, so I sheepishly crawled between her legs and started licking.  I don't know how much I got out of her, but I stayed there until she told me to stop.

Afterward we cleaned up, I put on my nighty and we went to sleep.  I felt like a used up slut and I loved it. 

I woke up this morning expecting to be drained.  Instead my mind instantly went to yesterday and I replayed everything over again.  It turns out I woke up as horny today as I have been in some time.  When I got out of bed I went to the spare bedroom closet, where my feminine clothes are.  I wanted to show Mistress the mood I was in.  Instead of slutty, I picked out a classy little back dress (like Marilyn Monroe's white dress, but in black.).  I am also wearing 5" black pumps with a strap.  When Mistress got up, she commented on my shoes.  It's funny.  Wearing a dress around the house doesn't affect me the way it used to, but by adding heels, I am much more self conscious.  The dress by itself I can kind of ignore, but there is no way to ignore heels.  I wonder if I will get used to heels at some point?  Either ay, I am feeling very naughty this morning!

Well I am signing off for now.  Going to hot tub with Mistress again and then go put on some naughty clothes under my male clothes to go to a friends house to watch football.

I love being a little sissy slut!

How to treat a (typical) man - I'm not typical

Last week Mistress texted me this picture and a comment saying how we need to make an exception for #9.  I added that we can make an exception for 1,2,6,8,9,10,11,13 and 14 based on our D/s relationship.

That really got me to thinking about how I like to be treated.  This book is titled "MAN LEADS, woman follows, Everyone Wins".  I hate any advice that acts like these is one size that fits all.  I can certainly lead and do so in my day to day, but I really strive to have someone lead me in the bedroom and in our relationship.

So the list above can be flipped for me as far my kinky needs.  Let's take them one by one.

1. Never belittle your man.  I get this on a day to day basis, but in the bedroom, I can really get off on this.  "Who's my little slut?", "Look at those panties on you", "Do you think you deserve to cum?"  I could go on and on, but there are a million ways I dream of Mistress belittling me.  I think it's hot and it gets me to the edge faster.

2.  Never talk down to him.  I don't know why the author thought this is different than #1 so I have nothing to add.

3.  Never ignore him.  I can think of a few times being ignored would be hot.  Locked in a cage.  Tied to the bed and left to stew in my own thoughts. Tied and ignored while Mistress gets herself off.  Made to stand in a corner.  Ignored while Mistress plays with a girl.  Orgasm denial is another great way to ignore me.  When we first met, Mistress had a hard time ignoring my orgasms.  I actually had to beg her to not let me cum.  She got pretty good at denying me, eventually sending me home without an orgasm after she had multiple.  Lately she has been very generous with my orgasms, but denying me fulfills a submissive need for me.  I think a daily orgasm for Mistress is good while I am limited to one or 2 a month. 

6.  Never cause him to feel embarrassed.  I edge myself to the idea of Mistress embarrassing me I find it so hot.  Kneeling naked, masturbating into my own hand and eating it. I can't think of anything more embarrassing.  Sucking a dildo and Mistress making me say how much I love cock.  Dressing feminine and going online to follow the instructions of others.  Not being allowed to take off my nighty in the morning or having to wear something feminine when Mistress comes home.  All of that just pushes my buttons so much.  I am hard thinking about being embarrassed.  I sometimes think Mistress tries to avoid embarrassing me which is a pity because I really do fantasize about her making me do things specifically to embarrass me.  It's one of the reasons I spend so much time thinking about cum eating, cross-dressing, being written on, and even considering piss play.

8.  Never manipulate him.  I love the idea of being manipulated.  Being told to wear my chastity device when Mistress knows how much I dislike it feels very manipulative to me.  Knowing I don't want to wear it, but knowing I need to do as she says to keep our D/s dynamic going.  It's a mind fuck to have to do something I don't want to do.  Also having to do things to earn release or to earn D/s is a hot way to manipulate me.  

9. Never boss him.  I like being bossed both in and out of the bedroom.  If Mistress wanted to boss me more than she does now I'd be very OK with it.

10.  Never laugh at his mistakes or faults.  I can imagine Mistress setting me up to fail at a task and then using that opportunity to make fun of me.  I can also imagine her laughing at me when I am tied down or dressed up and emasculating me for my "needs".

11.  Never put any person before him.  In the past Mistress has been with a woman, and for that reason I have long fantasized about Mistress having a girlfriend a Mistress or a female slave of her own.  I have thought about Mistress cuckolding me with a woman.  I would be home while she went out with her girlfriend, or I would be told to sleep in a cage or in another room while Mistress girlfriend stayed the night.  I would have to get up and cook them breakfast and serve it to them.  

13.  Never be inconsiderate of his feelings.  In a D/s context I relish when Mistress is inconsiderate of my feelings.  Whether it's not letting me cum, forcing me into chastity, hitting my balls, hitting me when I am restrained until I am begging to stop, making me wear nighties when I don't want to, making me do what I promised to do when I was on the edge.  All of these things require Mistress to be inconsiderate of my feelings.  Especially as I ask her to do things to me that I know will make me mad at the time.   It's considering my feelings to be inconsiderate of my feelings (With a double negative like that, no wonder D/s can be so hard in a relationship).

14. Never tell his personal business.  I have a fantasy of being outed by Mistress to another woman.  When I first met Mistress she shared our relationship with a friend or two, but I'm not sure how much.  I can still imagine Mistress telling someone something about my proclivities.  I imagine it would be in a drunken state on a trip far away from home.

In conclusion, Mistress is very, very good to me.  She respects me, loves me, puts up with this side of me and makes me feel like the most important person in the world.  I feel astronomically lucky to have found her. Sometimes I think she loves me so much she can't push me the way I think I want.  I think she may fear hurting me or pushing me away.  I can sense a reluctance to push my limits or maybe it just takes too much energy to do so.  Either way after spending nearly a week thinking about the book page she sent me and how I am wired, I can assure Mistress that I need the opposite of what the book says men need.  This is not meant to be a pushy bottom email, just a communicative one.     

Today's Edge - Not Like Me.

Today I was going through my blog list and found a reblog.  I started reading it, and it's clearly not my kind of story due to some limits I have, but for some reason it got me worked up.  I managed to edge to it and quickly got there, but in my mind I couldn't be the submissive.  Here is an excerpt with the fullink below it.

We pulled into his garage. She was dressed in a sexy schoolgirl outfit, with a lacy black and pink bra and teensy panties underneath. I’m not sure if the schoolgirl thing was a request from Andrew or anything, but she knows it’s a favorite of mine, so it might have been intended to drive me wild. I, on the other hand, was wearing only a wide ring gag, handcuffs behind my back, and a collar, with the leash attached to my seat belt.

http://my-life-in-denial.tumblr.com/post/68107446943/i-know-i-took-a-while-to-get-this-up-but-its