The Submissive Paradox

I have learned a lot about my submissive side over the last 10 months.  Here is where I have failed over the last 30+ years of being a submissive. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.  That's a problem if one wants to be in a true female-led relationship  The only one that should be able to have cake and eat it, is Mistress. The slave gets only what Mistress wants the slave to have.  I tried to make it about me more than her.

This leads me to what Mistress Scarlet https://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/ calls the Submissive Paradox.  Here is the absolute best explanation that I have finally (after 35 years) come to understand and accept.  I underlined the sections that really speak to me

‘If you love your submissive and you wish to be kind to your submissive and have him sleep the most sound and contented sleep they can ever know, then the saying -‘you have to be cruel to be kind’, is the mantra by which you must live. 

The deeply submissive is a paradox. They need to feel helplessly in the control of another. That entails feeling that they are treated unfairly when it comes to things like the allocation of chores and leisure time. It means they have to be genuinely very fearful and frightened of the punishments that are given in response to infractions. It also means they have to be subjected to pain and humiliation that they do not enjoy. It is only when they are genuinely fearful of punishment for infractions and when they suffer pain and humiliation and unfairness they genuinely would rather not experience, that they feel truly controlled and in the helpless power of another. And without feeling truly controlled and in the helpless power of another, they can NEVER be wholly content with their lives. 

So real love and kindness for a true submissive does not mean going easy on them in any way, or being fair with them – that causes discontent and unhappiness and is not being kind.

In turn, the dominant woman is hooked on the addictive and arousing drug of using and abusing real power, over her male.

That's the paradox. Being cruel is being nice.  That doesn't mean 24/7 whip-wielding. Mistress can be nice, kind, and helpful when she wants to be, but also needs to be truly cruel for the submissive to feel loved and contented. Also, being cruel in a way the submissive wants is counter-productive.  This has been my problem for years. Wanting to be dominated my way and not realizing it didn't work for Mistress means it really wasn't working for me.  Here are some day-to-day examples of the paradox when I think of how it affects me.

Orgasm Control - I want to cum when I want to cum. When Mistress controls and denies my orgasms, I don't really like it. Unfortunately, that's when I get immensely turned on.  Being submissive means that the more my orgasms are controlled the more I am in awe of Mistress.  Orgasm control doesn't necessarily mean denial, it just means that I don't have a say in it.  On the flip side, being forced to orgasm multiple times until it's impossible to cum is another form of control.

Chastity - Chastity isn't just about orgasm control, it's about total control.  Being locked and having Mistress mostly ignore it shouldn't be arousing, but it is.  This is especially true now with my new perspective and I can see being locked 99.9% of the time for the rest of my life.  If I ever ask or beg to be unlocked, denying that request seems cruel but it's not. It’s kind based on the Submissive Paradox.  I am pretty good on the honor system, but not good enough.  

Chores - Chores have to be done.  That's what happens in relationships. Many would say that equal distribution of chores is necessary for a healthy relationship.  The Submissive Paradox says otherwise. The more unequal the chores are, the better it is for the Mistress/Slave dynamic.  Don't misunderstand this.  I don't want to do more chores and I don't enjoy them, but something happens inside my brain when Mistress makes me do chores. The idea of an endless list of chores is overwhelming and therefore powerful. Making the chores more difficult or humiliating makes them worse and therefore makes it better.   

Personal Service - In this relationship, Mistress should think of herself as a ruler of her kingdom (like Cleopatra) and me as just one of her lowly slaves. Waking Mistress up as she wishes to be woken.  Coffee service in the morning (me handing it to her).  Holding doors. Pedicures at her feet. Turning down her bed in the evening. Serving her drinks during the day. Fetching things for her that she could easily get for herself, but increases the dynamic.  The list of personal services is never-ending and I should be doing as many as Mistress wishes.

e

Feminization - The only hair on my body are my eyebrows.  I wear a nighty every night. Most nights I am good with it, but some nights I feel silly and not manly.  It's these nights where the nighty is the most powerful.  Wearing panties is the same story.  I used to occasionally wear female deodorant and now it's all I ever wear.  Nail polish is one of those things that can’t be removed easily and is a constant reminder. All of these things create some level of humiliation which again, explains the Submissive Paradox.  Mistress recently threatened me with feminization while I clean and that makes me blush with shame but also makes me in awe of her for making me endure it.  The more feminization I endure the less in control I am and the more  I want to obey. 

Punishment - It's been a very long time since I have been punished.  Also, I don't know that I have ever been truly punished by Mistress (other than stopping D/s activities).  Without the Submissive Paradox, a true and proper beating seems abusive.  With the Submissive Paradox, a beating where I am truly begging for it to end and fearing it ever being repeated would be deeply effective and arousing.  I don’t want to be punished but I want to truly fear Mistress so that I have no choice but to obey. Punishment doesn’t have to be a beating either. Removal of privileges. Punishments you’d give a child or teenager.  The list is extensive.

Mind-Fuckery - The Submissive Paradox really shines here. Fucking with a slaves mind just for the sake of it. Taking something that they find pleasurable and making it unpleasurable. Pushing them slighly further than they think they can take. Punishing for absolutely no reason. Turning a funishment into a punishment.  Making him do a chore over that he just did. Creating a task that serves no purpose other than to fuck with the submissive. Leaving a mess just to have the slave clean it up. I think of it as bullying. Having to suck it up while being treated unfairly would suck, but it would also push all sorts of buttons inside me.  Again, it’s the Submissive Paradox.

I’d love your opinion on this post.  As a submissive do you feel the same way?  As a dominant, does it make sense?  If you’re vanilla and somehow reading this, what are your thoughts?e

Morning Ritual

 I was recently reading a post about a male slave's morning ritual.  In the post, he was required to get up 90 minutes before his Mistress. Once up, he would spend 20 minutes getting ready, 20 minutes deep-throating a dildo (om video), 20 minutes typing his slave mantra and sending it to her, and 20 minutes cleaning her bathroom and making it sparkle.  He would then prepare her tea and breakfast and take it to her.  He would be repeating his mantra (about serving and obeying her) to wake her up.  He would then rub her feet while she ate her breakfast.  If she was in the mood he would be allowed to orally service her and if not he would be forced to stand face to the wall while repeating his mantra while she took care of herself.

I am typically up 1-2 hours before my Mistress.  In the past, I would get up, get fully dressed in a feminine outfit (skirt, blouse, bra, silicone inserts, heels, and a wig), and then I would go prepare Mistress's coffee and take it to her in the bathroom while she got ready for work.  I would then prepare her lunch before sending her off.  The first hour of every day was spent in a fog of feminization and servitude.  I loved it and looking back realize that it started my day on the right foot.

Our lives have changed so I no longer have my full wardrobe, but I would like to start my day with a ritual of some sort.  If you have your own ritual or have some ideas of how I can get my day going without it requiring any effort of my Mistress, please leave a comment.

One of my many morning outfits

Sissy Service

It was a Tuesday night and we were watching TV like we usually do when Mistress hit the pause button. 

She said “I have a surprise for you this Saturday and you know I can’t keep a surprise to myself, so I’m going to tell you now.  But before I do I want you to go put your chastity device.  Once you know what the surprise is you won’t be able to keep your hands off your little cock.”

I was shocked. It’s been along time since mistress talked to me this way. There was no way I wasn’t going to obey. I went and grabbed my most secure chastity device and put it on. I came back to the sofa and handed mistress the key.

She said, “wow, you’re really a desperate little slut aren’t you?”  I blushed and said “yes, Mistress”.

“This Saturday, we’re going to get up and walk the dog like we normally do. When we get back I’m going to go get ready while you make the dog’s breakfast. You will not be eating breakfast or lunch today. Once I’m ready I’m going to Starbucks for breakfast and to read. At 11 o’clock I have a pedicure and manicure appointment. After that I’m going to lunch and have a couple glasses of wine.  I’ll be gone 4-5 hours.”

“While I’m gone you will put your prostate massager in your tight ass. You’ll then put on your heavy steel collar. Then I want you to put on one of your bodysuits.  After that, spray 2 sprays of your slutty perfume on your chest, neck and wrists so the scent is penetrating your brain all day.”

“Once you are all prepared in your sissy uniform you will clean the entire house from top to bottom.  I want the floors vacuumed and scrubbed. I want the sinks and toilet so clean you can eat off them. I want the shower glass and all the mirrors spotless.  Every surface in the house better sparks. I don’t want to find one speck of dust.”

“If you do a good job I’ll let you kneel on the floor and use lotion to massage my newly manicured feet while I read. If you do a poor job you’ll stand nose against the wall holding up a pair of your dirty panties with your nose for an hour and then you’ll correct your mistakes while I supervise.”

“While I’m gone I want you to think about what you’ve become. So desperate for attention that you’ll do absolutely anything I say just to be my sissy servant while I go out and pamper myself.  This isn’t going to be a one time thing either.  We both know you NEED to be treated this way.  This is a great way for me to have more me time, for your submissive brain to be fed and for us to have a clean home.”  

“Well sissy, tell me what you think”. 

I reply, “Mistress you are absolutely correct. I do need this. The more strict you are with me, the more I am under your spell. I hate to admit it but this, but your cruelty and harshness soothes my soul in a way I can’t describe. I can’t wait for this Saturday to come.  Not because I want to spend the day cleaning, but because I don’t want to do that and you’re making me do it. I want to not only make you proud of my cleaning but my willingness to serve you without question.  My goal is to earn more and more harsh treatment.”

I spend the rest of the week straining in my chastity cage. Sleep is difficult because of all of the thoughts that are running through my head.  Mistress teases me and keeps reminding me of Sissy Saturday. Will mistress actually do this to me? I shudder thinking about the possibilities. It truly is the paradox of the submissive male  

Notes for a deep conversation

I recently told Mistress how much I needed to have her control me.  The conversation was good and I am doing things to make her life easier, but we still aren't hitting on all cylinders.  Below are my notes and things that spoke to me when I had this conversation.  They are here in case Mistress wants to see them.  Many of these notes are copied verbatim from different blogs, mostly Miss Christine.  Her way of dominating is something I strive to experience.

 For the purposes of this blog, a submissive is someone who cannot be truly content both sexually, and as a whole, unless they feel helplessly in the power of another.

IT IS A SEXUALITY; in the same way being a gay male is a sexuality. It is not a choice. A submissive will usually discover he or she is a submissive before they reach puberty. Most often between the ages of 7 and 11.

The submissive mind is at first difficult to understand and seemingly paradoxical. The submissive MUST be coerced to endure things they do not like in order for them to feel truly dominated; validation that they are not in control. If a man consents to everything you do to him, then he is really the one that is in control, and he will feel discontented and ill at ease being the one in control.

I will tell my husband that I will not be dominating him that evening or weekend of vanilla activity and I will be using him for his vanilla company. He will not act submissively and I will enjoy his company.

Even when there is a great deal of vanilla time and vanilla interaction in the relationship overall, BUT, when it is domination/submission time, there is no ambiguity that the dominant is truly in charge, wielding real power, (and enjoying doing so). 

It is important you get to feel what true power is like. That decadent, naughty feeling of being in charge. Almost ironically, the seat of your power comes from one simple fact. Your submissive NEEDS you to be dominant from time to time and he knows that. So you can utilise that in two ways. 

First, if he does not obey, you can say, ‘Obey, or I will not dominate you.’ [He will be in awe of you just for saying that, AND MEANING IT.]

Second, if you want him to do a boring housework chore, and he moans, you can say, ‘Doing chores is part of being my submissive. If you don’t do the chores I tell you to do, there will be no domination of any kind.‘ [He will be in awe of you just for saying that, AND MEANING IT.]

So many women initially say to me, ‘…but I love him so much, I can’t be mean to him.’ Well the fact is, while never being mean to him or dominant, you truly hurt him – every single day. He is a submissive and you could so easily bring him and you, an amazing life of joint contentment, but you not being mean or dominant ever, hurts him every single day. This is an unarguable fact. A truth. You may think you should feel guilty for being mean to him, but the simple truth is, you should feel guilty for not ever being mean to him. 

 I dominate you my way or not at all. Again. This is paramount. I dominate you my way or not at all. This brings me to the bathroom needing a proper clean. I’m going to relax while you go and give the bathroom a proper clean. Come back to me here when its done.‘  He is most likely to look at you as though you are a sex goddess and be in awe of you. He may show nothing, but be feeling these things. He may however try to get out of it because this is real and not fantasy and his male pride becomes an unexpected problem for him. If he procrastinates or objects just keep saying,

‘I dominate you my way or not at all. You give the bathroom a proper clean or I stop dominating you, including in the bedroom.’

Once he is cleaning the bathroom while you relax, you will again be feeling real power. Revel in it. It feels wonderful! He will also be thinking he is the luckiest man in the world.

DO NOT ask if he liked having to clean the bathroom. For him, it is not about liking how you dominate him, it is about whether you made him feel submissive. So do not care if he likes it, but, did it make him feel submissive.  He will confess wholeheartedly this fact.  

Because a submissive needs things to happen to them they don’t really like in order to feel they are truly under the control of another,  when you are seeking feedback, don’t ever ask, ‘Did you like that?’ or, ‘Do you like that?‘ Always ask, with words to the effect of; ‘Does that make you feel submissive?‘, or, ‘Did that make you feel submissive?’ 

It is critical to be able to provide an INTENSELY (brutal) emotional event from time to time. Intensely emotional for both the submissive and the dominant. Now and again, I will push one of my submissives well past what they think they can cope with. A LONG, LONG WAY PAST! The result of this level of cruelty is usually very considerable arousal for me and, once the event is over, the submissive holds me in awe and feels a compelling need to worship me. Perfect symbiosis. And they probably sleep more soundly than ever in submissive contentment.

The problem for sissy when I treat him this way is that, despite the terrible nightmare he endures during the event; when it is all over; he is even more in awe of me. Poor submissives really have no hope of escaping either their suffering or their addiction to their Mistresses do they?

Being waited on hand and foot.

Do not say please when giving the submissive an instruction. Do not say thank you when the instructed action has taken place. You may find this difficult if you already have the subconscious habit of saying please and thank you automatically. If so, practice makes perfect. (You can omit those words 24/7/365 if you wish and not just when you are dominating him.) Some dominants go one step further and have the submissive say thank you when the submissive has carried out an instruction of service. Below is an example exchange.

                ‘Get me a glass of white wine slave.’

                ‘Yes Madame.’ The slave returns and, with both hands, passes the glass of white wine to the Mistress. The Mistress looks expectantly at the slave, who then responds as he has been trained to do.

                ‘Thank you for the opportunity to serve you Mistress.’

                ‘You are a lucky slave aren’t you, now get back to your chores.’

I have also included in this exchange a default rule that I impose on my submissives. If passing me something, they must always do so holding the thing in both hands. This is a very respectful mode of behaviour, (Japanese in origin). Try it.

You can start taking advantage of your submissive’s needs by having them do some housework, or, chores of another kind.

If it is not going too far early on, a plain apron, a frilly one, or even more feminine attire (such a maids outfit) enhances the submissive’s feeling of serving a dominant during undertaking chores. Chores are a huge area of win/win in the dominant female / submissive male symbiotic relationship. Both parties get something out of him doing the chores. In a vanilla relationship, no one wants to do chores and they are a bind. In your new style relationship, you get freed up of any chores you do not want to do and your submissive gets a strong shot of contentment from being made to do them.

You can go a step further by inspecting completed work and having shoddy work done again, possibly with a punishment thrown in. What were mundane, boring chores become an enhancement to your lives! You can also immediately mess up the room and make him do it again.  It’s not about the results, it’s about the control.

A Golden Rule

As I have mentioned, submissives absolutely need to feel they are truly helpless in the power of another. Not a game being played they can be in total control of. This brings us to a golden rule to ensure you achieve this. Go just a tiny bit further than they think they can cope with. Whether nipple pinching or spanking or edging, do not stop until there is a whimper or much better still some genuine begging.

This is a tricky area because you must not go so far, that the discomfort stops them feeling submissive. If you stop the first moment they indicate they want you to, they are in control, so they will not feel helplessly in your power afterwards, so you will not get the worship and awe you want, and he will not get what he needs. Do not stop too soon!

At his initial request I keep him on a strict diet. 24/7 during both non-vanilla and vanilla times. As I said, I discovered a dominant streak I never knew I possessed. But controlling his diet has also brought out some wickedness in me which has him in awe of me. I adore contrast; wine for me, water for him, fish for me, lettuce for him, dessert for me, fruit for him. I don’t starve him, of course. He gets his full share of calories, greens, protein and vitamins. But my job was to get his weight down and to keep it there. Whereas he now makes me feel really good about myself and my appearance, regardless of what I eat, drink or how much exercise I do.

In return I’m critical of him because that’s what HE needs. He is turned on by my control. He needs me to decide things for him. And he needs some of my decisions to be tough. That keeps his submissive soul contented. He’s 12 pounds lighter. He feels great about that too.

HERE ARE THINGS I TOLD MISTRESS I WOULD ENDEAVOR FOR.

What you can expect.

No dishes, no laundry, no vacuuming, no cleaning, anything that you think needs to be done should be assigned to me. Obedience.  No talking back (need to end this once and for all).   

How does a typical day look?

Wake up - no phone allowed.  Work on betterment

As soon as you get up I feed the cat, the dog and prepare your tea.

Phone allowed for a minimum amount of time

Walk dog

Prepare and serve breakfast for you

Workout

Prepare my own breakfast

Do dishes

Work

Prepare and serve lunch

Dishes, laundry

Work

Prepare and serve dinner

Dishes, fold and put away any laundry

Chores (clean bathroom, clean fridge, clean Jeep, reorganize cabinets, etc) TV only allowed when Mistress wants my company.  I should be at service at all other times.

Weekends. Bigger projects and chores unless vanilla time.   

Happy Place

I’m back in my happy place. Waking up early because I’m so horny and my cock is straining against its cage. The last few hours with increasingly submissive thoughts and fantasies going through my mind.  Today I’m grateful to be locked in chastity. I’d be edging over and over and over. I’d justify masturbating to orgasm since I’m not locked up.

Getting out of bed and sitting to pee while still wearing my nighty from the night before. Then I spray perfume on my upper chest and neck. The smell going deep into my brain and flipping a feminine switch inside me.  I love it when this happens.  I remove my nighty and hang it up in plain view. I get dressed in something more appropriate and masculine, deep down wanting to dress in something feminine and less appropriate but too insecure to do so without help.  As I go through the morning the perfume keeps weakening the masculine side of my brain.

I’m back to making sure Mistress’ coffee is ready before she gets up.  I have fresh flowers in the house. I’m staying on top of the dishes.

Throughout the day, whiffs of perfume and my locked cock remind me of what deep down, I desire and need.  To serve a strong woman.  To be owned. To be denied. To be controlled. To follow orders.

In the evening I try to do all of the meal preparation. I keep Mistress’ wine glass full and jump whenever she needs me to do anything. I’m back to making sure no dishes are in the sink overnight.  Some evenings Mistress will pick out my attire for me and it’s often something feminine.  Having to wear something feminine this late in the day is always a challenge for me. My libido is lower and I am extra humiliated by it.  However, when this happens, it pushes all of my buttons the right way and puts me back into my subservient mindset, which is good for both of us.  My very last act of the night is preparing Mistress’ toothbrush. It’s a small task but it’s a good way to end my day with a final act of servitude.  Then I put a nighty on and crawl (I don’t actually crawl, but would like to) into bed next to the woman I love and cherish.

As I said, I’m in my happy place. I love serving Mistress and yearn to have additional duties placed upon me.  Chasity, feminization and the possibility of punishment are strong motivators for me and I’m grateful Mistress indulges me with these things.

This spoke to me.  Especially about making me admit secret and guarded desires.

You Tell Him He Can’t Cum...

Found Online.

You Tell Him He Can’t Cum...

The first time you feel awful.  It hurts you as he begs and tells you how much he needs it.  As he curses and his hand shakes as you make him put his cock away.  As he wheedles and tries to undermine your command and you aren’t so sure anymore this is what he wants, but you shore up and are firm and you tell him how it will be.  

It turns out he loves you for it.  It drives him mad with desire.  Hearing stern rules almost makes him cum on the spot untouched.  Being denied fuels him in a way you can’t quite comprehend, and this first time, as you fight guilt and relief in equal measure, you don’t enjoy the power.

Oh but the next time… the next time you barely breathe in his direction and he’s hard?  You work him up with such little effort to the point where he tells you he needs to cum, asks you to cum, begs to cum… and this time you deny him with a smile.  This time the commands fly off your tongue.  This time, wonderfully evil ideas spin through your mind and sorting through to pluck only one or two. This time occupies far too much of your time.  You are soaked through.  

It is not just a no for now.  It is a no for the afternoon.  It is a no for the evening.  It is a no for the week.  It is a no for the month.  It is a no as you cum and he listens.  It is a no as you send him favorite porn of his.  It is a no as you let him choose what toy you will masturbate with.  It is a no as you give him commands and tasks to complete.  It is a no as you make him bathe you, massage you, and service you.  It is a no as you cum again and again.  A world of denial coming easily, and with each no, his desperation is evident, but he doesn’t fight it.  He’s so grateful.  Drowning in lust and hotness and your attention.  Denied but not forgotten.  Allowed to edge and edge so pleasure builds, but not release.  

He has no time limit.  No count down.  He has no idea when his torment is set to end.  That does not stop him from asking.  From needing.  From begging.  From cursing, but with a smile.  Enjoying the teasing nearly as much, if not more, than he’ll enjoy his release.  That’s okay… you’ll  get to enjoy release enough for both of you, over and over and over.  His pleasure will come from how you creatively deny him.  His pleasure will only come from watching you cum.

  

Feminine Switch Is Flipped

Mistress is continuing to push me and I am loving every minute of it.  Here is how the rest of my week went.

After I posted on Wednesday morning that I was dressed feminine and doing the dishes, I had to go to work.  After I got home from work and we were sitting down to dinner Mistress told me that I was to start dressing feminine every day until further notice.  Of course my her cock twitched and a switch was flipped in my brain.  Before we got into bed Mistress went to one of my drawers and picked out a nighty for me to wear.  She was serious about starting my feminization back up.  Hooray!

Thursday morning I got up and got dressed again. I picked out a brown sweater dress with a cowl neck and my same heels before.  I did the dishes as now required of me and when I completed the dishes I asked to be dismissed as I had a busy day at work.  Mistress denied my request.  I didn't expect that.  She told me that I needed to fill out some forms for her.  I tried to push back, but realized that this is what I want and need.  To be of service to her whether I want to do a particular task or not.  I filled out the forms and while I was doing so, my heart warmed to the idea of being of use to Mistress, her slave.  This is what I want. 

Thursday night, I went to bed before Mistress.  I had a decision to make.  Was I going to wear the nighty or not.  It wasn't specified that the nightly ritual of me wearing a nighty was expected or not.  I was conflicted.  If I wore it, was I just 'doing this to myself'?  Was I being a pushy bottom?  Was I following orders?  Will Mistress even notice?  It was harder for me to decide than it should have been.  In the end I did wear it for 2 reasons.  The main reason is that I didn't want to give Mistress an excuse to put me in the cage.  The other reason is I wanted to show Mistress that I am dedicated to her and her desire to feminize me and make me obey.  I want to be pushed harder.

Friday we had company over in the morning so dressing feminine was not an option.  Mistress did a great job of having me make dinner and serve her drinks all night.  She is getting better at being bossier and more selfish, but I am still looking for her to be even more bossy and selfish.  At bedtime I was again conflicted about what to wear to bed.  This is one of the problems of not being dressed regularly.  It's hard to get back to that comfortable spot where I miss being feminized and it becomes a challenge again.  I feel like a lot of hard work was lost, but at the same time the mind-fuck is much stronger when it's difficult for me. As it turns out, Mistress noticed my nighty and had me remedy the situation.  Submission restored.

This morning I wasn't sure what to wear.  Before we had my dressing hiatus, Mistress let me have the weekends off from being dressed.  Now I normally wouldn't admit this, but because it's been over 11 weeks of me being locked in chastity and not cumming, and my perfume is filling my nostrils, I think weekends should have even stricter feminization rules.  At least during the winter when we are more home-bound.  Maybe not skirts and dresses, but certainly casual, but feminine attire such as yoga outfits and such.  There is no reason for me to not have to wear an outfit including a bra and makeup if we are not going out. 

So this morning I decided to wear some mom jeans with a red low cut sweater.  I am also wearing a bra and inserts.  My head is spinning in a feminine and submissive way.  The weight of my inserts reminding me of what a little slut I yearn to be.

One thing I am noticing again is how much being dressed changes my attitude.  It takes my macho/masculine behavior and knocks it down several notches.  I am kinder and more patient when I am wearing  a bra, heels and a skirt.  I can't act superior when I have allowed myself to be put in such a potentially humiliating position.   

In closing, we are just scratching the surface of how far Mistress can push me.  I look forward to her continuing to find ways to use me and to challenge me, both mentally and physically.  I want her to push me, and keep pushing me until I ask for mercy.  I want to live in that space where my submission is not necessarily fun, but it's real.  I want to feel that the control she has over me is unrelenting and cruel.  I want to see Mistress' eyes sadistically light up as I am forced to endure whatever she dishes out.  I want her to smile at my misfortune and to get off on making me suffer. 




          

Yearning to be used

Mistress didn't use me this weekend.  We worked a bit too much and had other stuff going on, so the timing wasn't exactly great.  That doesn't mean that I wasn't ready, willing and able.  I fantasized about being directed to the bedroom to prepare a session for her pleasure.  Blinds draw, candles lit, towels down, a few toys out.  I would stay locked in my chastity device.  Whether I was dressed or not would depend on how Mistress was feeling. I would use my fingers, mouth, tongue and toys to give her as many orgasms as she wanted.  She may or may not tell me about how this is my new life.  Serving her sexually without any regard for my sexual pleasure.  She would tell me that her new goal is to condition my brain to equate her pleasure as my only reward.  At some point she would be spent, she would tell me that she was done with me and that I was to clean up and join her when I was finished cleaning up.  That is the fantasy that was going through my head all weekend.

That wasn't my only fantasy.  After 7 weeks with no orgasm and being in chastity the entire time, my mind is a blur of sexual thoughts and images.  Mistress smacking my balls, breath play, putting more and more bruises on my body, butt plugs, spending time in the cage, using the dildo gag on Mistress.  Getting my ass fucked with the electric butt plug. Going back to my feminization routine.  Painted nails.  Using the fucking machine on us both.  Mistress finding ways to use humiliation on me.  Nipple torture that makes my nipples hurt for days.  Panties, piss play, adding some protocols to our life., Smell training in addition to my perfume.  Being smothered by Mistress.  Being spit on.  Having the strap-on used on me and using the strap-on with Mistress when I am locked up.  Tasks, tasks and more tasks. Torture.  The list goes on and on.  My mind is a mess.

Lastly, there was a comment the other day from a slave that gets a daily maintenance spanking with a cane.  I can easily imagine implementing this in our life.  We have a cane that is perfect for something like this.  I can imagine how getting a caning every morning would set the tone for the day.  Sitting in my office chair with my ass burning from a dozen cane strokes.  Having bruises that never go away.  Trying to fall asleep at night. on a day I acted like a shit, knowing that the next morning will be brutal.  I googled the term, and I came up with a term I like better than a 'maintenance spanking'.   Another couple calls is a reassurance spanking.  Here is his definition. They’re disciplinary in style, but they’re not punishment. That’s why we decided on the term reassurance, because they’re intended to reassure her that I’m there to spank her when she needs, whether she actually needs it at that moment or not.

Regardless of what it's called, it's pretty hot to my submissive mind. 

       If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

Used by Mistress

Last night, Mistress and I were lying in bed, chatting before falling asleep.  Mistress was teasing her cock in it's chastity device when she asked when I was last inside her.  I told her it was 4 weeks prior.  She continued to tease me while commenting on how she thinks it is best if I don't have an orgasm at least once a quarter.  If I went a whole year without an orgasm, would it make that much of a difference?  I mentioned how it might be hot to orgasm once a quarter, but when I am allowed to orgasm, I will be forced to orgasm many, many times.  Until I can't cum again.  Until I am squirming with tears in my eyes and begging to be locked be back up.  And then we would start the whole process over.

Found this hot quote

Mistress then told me to get a towel.  This usually means we are going to have sex and the towel is because she is a squirter.  I got 2 towels to be safe.  As I was getting the towels, Mistress made no moves to go get the key to my chastity device.  That's when I realized that this was going to be different.  I placed the towels underneath Mistress and she was now naked.  She told me to make her cum with my fingers.  I put my middle finger in Mistress' already wet pussy.  I quickly found her G-spot.  I slowly teased her as I didn't want her cumming too soon.  As I stroked her G-spot we continued to chat.  Mistress mentioned how I probably needed to spend some time in the cage, and as much as I dislike it, I told her she was right.  She told me that I have been a good boy and that's why I haven't been in the cage.  I suggested that an hour a week would be beneficial for us as it would reinforce the rules as well as our dynamic.  An hour a week to maintain my good-boy behavior.

I continued to stroke her G-spot, now with the intention of making her cum.  After a short while Mistress came with a mild squirt.  I thought for sure that she would have me continue, but she told me she was done with me.

This is the first time Mistress has done this and I found it to be incredibly hot.  Mistress had zero concern about my pleasure.  Not only did I continue to stay locked, I even kept my boxer briefs on.  Mistress didn't have to get the chastity key.  She didn't have to deal with me being on the edge too soon.  She didn't have to worry about me having an accidental release.  She didn't have to have my laying on top of her.  She was selfish and used me and I absolutely love it.  I am thrilled with where this can take us.  I love that my only job is to make sure she is pleased.  I love that I am here, only for her pleasure.  I love that Mistress can be sexually selfish.  I am in heaven this morning.