Meaner and/or pushing limits

This is one of those posts I hope that I regret writing very soon.

First off, let me state that I am a very happy man.  I have a wonderful relationship with my Mistress.  I get along with her better than I have gotten along with any other person in my entire life.  On top of that we are moving along quite well in our D/s lifestyle.

As I sit here writing this I am in chastity.  I don't want to be.  I am also in a maxi-dress and I would totally be cool with being in sweats and a t-shirt.  That being said, I absolutely love that I am locked in chastity and in a dress.  I love the strictness Mistress is demonstrating.

As I stated above I am a very happy man.  I fear this post will come across as me being a pushy bottom, but at the same time, I don't think it's right for me to not communicate my feelings.  I am yearning for Mistress to be meaner to me.

Yesterday I was being snarky and Mistress threatened to put me in the cage when we got home.  Now half me me will be fine if I never spend another minute in the cage, but at the same time, my other half wants to challenge Mistress to lock me up until I am begging to be let out.

This same line of thinking goes for many things.  As much as I dislike chastity and I'm in a device I don't really care for, I am thrilled to be locked up.  Having to dress feminine is a task I frequently could do without, but I am absolutely enamored with Mistress making me do it as well as holding me accountable when I don't.  Having to eat my own cum after I cum inside of Mistress pretty much disgusts me, but being forced to do it is so amazingly hot.  I can't explain how great I feel after I have endured something I didn't want to do.

This morning my mind was racing with other ideas.  I was imagining being tied face down and having my ass beat until I was in tears.  I imagined being locked in the wooden stocks and in high heels for an hour or 2 until my legs were shaking uncontrollably.

I imagined being put on the treadmill in heels.  I frequently think about Mistress assigning me tasks to do around the house, the more menial, the better.  I imagine having to go to the store to buy embarrassing things. I imagine Mistress finding ideas online and making me do them.  I have been dreaming of being taken for a car ride dressed in womens clothes.  I imagine setting up the massage table in our room so Mistress can have me massage her whenever she wants.

This is starting to become a "do me" post and I didn't want it to be that.  In closing I just want to let Mistress know that I am as happy as I could be.  I am also wanting to communicate that if Mistress has any desire to be meaner, or to have me be more service oriented, or to make my slave life any more difficult, I am up to the challenge.  I want to suffer.  As I said, this is one of those posts I hope that I regret writing very soon.        

Mental Effects

When I woke up this morning, I wasn't in much of sexual mood.  I had zero intention of writing a blog post today.  I didn't sleep well and for whatever reason my libido was down.  I still have a rule that I must wear women's clothes when I am in the house, so my intention was to wear jeans and a casual top of some sort with some flat shoes.  When I got to the extra bedroom and saw my feminine clothes in the closet something clicked in my mind.  I have been trying to dress in ways that please Mistress as well as in ways that get her mind running with things to do to me.  To keep Mistress' mind racing, I decided it was in my best interest to dress better than jeans.  I picked out a black and white animal print blouse, black skirt and high heels.  I then fed the dog, emptied the dishwasher and loaded the dishwasher, all in my outfit.

I have to confess that I went from nearly zero libido to 8-9 in short order.  There is something erotic about waking up and first thing doing things I consider submissive and humiliating.  Wearing these clothes and doing chores in towering high heels went straight to my submissive libido.  These rules and protocols Mistress has me following makes it hard to slip out of subspace for very long.  When I have written posts in the past about protocols, I wrote more for it's kinky aspect.  However after this morning, I can see protocols having a long lasting mental effect that keeps me in a particular state of mind.  The same goes with wearing a nighty every night or when I am in chastity.  In the case of dressing up, and doing chores as my first acts of the day, I am essentially starting my day in submissive mode.  Instead of me waking up and having a kinky laundry list of things running through my mind, I am quickly put in my place and redirected into serving submissively.  As it is now, I am constantly reminded of my place.  Whether it be first thing in the morning, or getting ready for bed.  Whether it's when I am at work and I see my panties when I go to the bathroom, or when I come back home and have to change back into a dress.  Whether I am in chastity or have a large plug in my ass, I am constantly reminded of being Mistress' slave.  I hate to admit it, but the more she puts on my plate the harder it is to deny what I have become.  That's a good thing.

Yesterday was a different story.  I woke up with my libido on 12.  I dressed about as slutty as I could. I dressed in a black bra, plaid panties, white blouse, plaid schoolgirl skirt, white knee highs with bows and black mary jane platform heels.  Typing that out made me blush.  Mistress had ordered me to wear a wig, so that added to my humiliation.  My libido stayed pretty high yesterday.  In fact, it would start dropping off as I hid behind my desk working, but every time I had to get up to do something, I was instantly reminded of what I was wearing.  My humiliation and libido would peak each time.  Getting up and having to show myself is a pretty good mind fuck.

 

     

Update on the experiment

Mistress and I have had sex for the last 4 days straight.  I believe this to be rare with couples that practice chastity and male orgasm denial.  My goal when starting this experiment was to have sex for as many days straight as we can, but with 100% of my focus on giving Mistress orgasms.  My pleasure is to take a back seat to hers and my orgasms are up to her.  In addition to increased intimacy, I really wanted to build up my stamina to where it was when we first met.  Mistress primary way to orgasm is with my cock inside her, and when I was only being stimulated every 7-14 days, I was too sensitive to please her in the way she desires.

The last 4 days Mistress has as many orgasms as she wants, how she wants.  Once she is pleased, then she tells me she is done with me and I am to clean up.  The first 3 days she had me lock myself up chastity, but last night she didn't.  It's about all I can do to not touch myself as I write this.

During this period I have noticed that I can please Mistress better than I had before.  I am still not where I want to be, but I am working on it.  I believe that if I had an orgasm and we kept on the plan I would last longer.  As it is now, my testosterone and libido are through the roof.  Because of that I think I am more sensitive than I would be if I had recently cum.

A big part of trying not to cum when the body is demanding it is to have some sort of penalty for doing so.  The penalty for me used to be that if I came without permission I had to clean it up with my mouth.  That no longer works as well as I now have to clean up after every orgasm that I have.  It still works, just not as well.  I read a blog about a guy that gets an immediate whipping if he cums without permission.  This is particularly cruel as since he has just had an orgasm, he has lost the ability to use his horniness to mitigate the pain.  His beating is non sexual at all.  Here is more on the topic CLICK HERE   

While being less sensitive is a nice goal, I am afraid that an orgasm would take me out of this space that I am in.  I am so full of sexual chemicals.  I am in such a suggestive state that any thing Mistress says to me or makes me do goes straight to my core.  I want to be more and more under her thumb.  I want to obey no matter how much I don't want to do something.  With the chemicals I have running through my body right now, I could easily be coerced into just about anything.

Another benefit I have seen over the last 4 days is that Mistress has become much more demanding.  Her comments and actions both in and out of bed surprise me.  She is much more confident in punishing me.  She comes up with consequences I won't like as a deterrent for not obeying.  She has been calling me her bitch quite a bit which I like way more than I should.  She has escalated my feminization much faster than I expected.  I am in a wig for the first time in years.  The wig has only been used for scenes and sex, but now I'm afraid it's going to be part of my day-to-day routine.  She has had me using a very feminine body wash and very soon we are going to be finding me my own feminine scent for bathing and wearing out of the house.  While I have reservations about dressing, Mistress is pushing me in a way that is very erotic and will likely have me doing things I have reluctantly fantasized about for years.

On the non sexual front, I have been in much more of a service frame of mind.  In the morning, I find myself making sure Mistress coffee is ready and that the dishes are done before I do anything for myself.  When Mistress asks me to do something, I do it immediately instead of putting it on my mental list to do later.  I truly enjoy it when she asks me to do a particular task, and I especially like it when it's an order vs. a request.  I feel submissive serving in non-sexual ways, so being ordered to do things becomes a turn on.      

In closing, this experiment of increasing our sexual time together seems to be working well.  I know I am much happier and hornier and by all accounts Mistress seems to be happy and more sexually satisfied than I have seen in some time.  I am very excited to keep experimenting and see where this goes.    

Busted!

Yesterday morning we were up to our normal routine.  I was cooking breakfast and was a little snarky.  Mistress mentioned that I may need to spend some time in the cage today.  I scoffed at the idea knowing that wasn't going to happen.  Mistress went and worked out, while I removed my toenail polish and repainted my toenails.  Mistress finished her workout and we were hanging out.  Out of the blue, Mistress said that when my toenails dried I needed to go put my butt plug in.  She then told me that I was going to be spending some time in the cage.  I was very pleased and surprised.  I hadn't planned on playing today.

She then said that the next time I wonder what she is up to, that I just need to ask her.  I do not need to sneak into her phone.  Busted!  The night before Mistress had rolled over to go to sleep.  I was turning out the lights and as I was doing so, I noticed Mistress phone on the nightstand didn't have a charging cable hooked up to it.  I hooked up the charger and had a quick moment of insecurity.  I unlocked her phone and was just about to get into her text messages when she flipped over.  I quickly put the phone on the nightstand and then tried to lock it.  It was probably way more obvious than I thought at the time.  I had no clue she was on to me.

I already felt bad about what I did.  I have never had a reason to not trust Mistress.  When she said this I felt deep shame and embarrassment.  In the past I would have denied what I did or justified it or somehow deflected what I did.  In this case, I just accepted my fate.  Mistress also stepped out of her typical response.  Normally, she would get mad, call me out on it, and be distant for a few days.  In this case, she took a D/s approach, and punished me.  This allowed me to reflect on my behavior, genuinely apologize and thank Mistress for punishing me.  I believe this allowed her to call me out on my behavior, punish me accept my honest apology.  Instead of dwelling on what I did, we can move on.  A big difference between a vanilla relationship and a D/s one.  Punish, apologize, accept and move on.

As a side note.  I find it convenient to have the password to Mistress' phone if I need to get into it for any reason.  However I don't like the temptation.  I like the concept of Mistress having full access to my phone and computer, and I have zero access to hers.  In our D/s dynamic, she has an absolute right to privacy while I willingly give up all of my privacy.  I feel that adds extra vulnerability and control of me.

I went and put in my butt plug.  I came back to where Mistress was sitting and I told her I was ready for my punishment.  We went to the cage, and I used the restroom one last time as I had no idea how long I would be locked up.  In the mean time, Mistress went and grabbed the straight jacket.  She had me put it on.  As she fastened the buckles, I noticed how the straps that go between the legs pressed on the base of my butt plug.  Mistress told me to get in the cage.  To do so, I pretty much had to crawl on my forehead to get into the cage.  It was humiliating.  Mistress closed the cage door and put a padlock on it.  She then left me to go take a bath.  I had a long time to reflect on my behavior.  Being in the straight jacket made my time in the cage much more challenging since I couldn't use my hands to make myself more comfortable.  My chastity device dangled between my legs and I couldn't adjust it to make it more comfortable.  Lying on hard plastic until numbness sets in and then moving would cause new pain.  Every movement I made pushed on the plug in my ass.  It quickly went from kinky to real punishment.  I was fortunate Mistress didn't blindfold me, collar me or add many other challenges she could have.  Mistress let me out after a couple hours.  I would have guessed 2.5-3  hours.  I actually thought there was a good chance that she would leave me there longer.  I was grateful she didn't.

The rest of the day went normally.  We went out last night, and when Mistress and I got home, she had me remove my device and we got in the bed for me to sexually serve her.  While we had sex, we talked about the days events and future plans.  As I again thanked Mistress for handling my bad behavior with D/s she assured me that she will keep doing this and will make it much worse next time.  She also talked about making our spare room a punishment room as well as where my feminine side will have her own room.  She added that I would soon be wearing makeup and my wig much more often.  Very soon I will be wearing feminine smelling deodorant and perfume.  After Mistress had at least a few orgasms, she told me she was done with me.  I was to lock my cock back up and get into bed.  I was in absolute heaven.

I am totally enamored with Mistress right now.  I am in awe of how she had handled an issue that is difficult in any relationship.  I am loving how confidentially she has me pleasing her sexually without concerning herself with my pleasure.  Pleasing her is pleasureful for me.  I am truly loving the the physical intimacy we have had the last few days.  I am loving Mistress pushing my feminine buttons and making do more and more in this area of our life.  I really hope we stay on this course.  I so want to be completely owned by Mistress. 

Force and Helplessness

I spent a good deal of yesterday reading blogs while waiting at the airport and on my plane.  There is one I have mentioned a few times https://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/  In their blog they chronicle the abuse she puts her slave through.  As I read I got pretty hot and bothered.  What got me going wasn't the actual activities she did to him, it's that she has him so controlled.  Now a 1-2 hour scene is hot, but she puts him through much more.  She will tie him down for 3-4 or more hours.  He can't move.  He can't see or hear anything.  She tortures his cock with stinging nettles and/or muscle cream like Icy-Hot or Tiger Balm.  I have had both on my cock and neither are something I would ask for again.  She uses those dental brushes on the inside of his cock.  She also puts a funnel gag in his mouth and puts frozen pee cubes or frozen cum cubes in the funnel so that the liquids drip slowly into his mouth for hours.  Now the worst part.  For the most part she ignores him.  She comes into the room, tortures his cock for 5-10 minutes and leaves the room.  The burning from the nettles or cream last for an hour or so and she comes back in and reapplies the torture and leaves again.  The rest of the time he is alone.  He is left to just lie there and endure and panic about her next arrival.  His cock burning.  His mouth being violated by nasty flavors for hours. I imagine his mind is a mess afterward.  I'll bet he panics the next time he starts to get tied up.

Other blogs I read have men getting their asses beat until they are in tears.  Some guys are in chastity for months.  Others are feminized 100% at home and some outside of the home. There are a few sadistic women out there and it seems to be growing in popularity.

So much of how these guys are treated scares the heck out of me, but at the same time it excites so much.  To be taken past where it's "fun" and to where it's "real".  To obey and serve not only because I want to, but because I am afraid of what will happen if I don't.  To have freedoms taken away.  To be controlled past the point of where I can pull back control.  While I am certain that it would suck in a lot of ways to be that controlled makes my head spin.

My cage experience of last month is the most I felt like I had no control.  Wearing women's clothes full time is another way that makes me do something I may not feel like doing.  I have recently started fantasizing about Mistress starting to make me do things she knows I hate just for the sake of making me do it.  Putting me in the cage for no reason.  Having me do work around the house while she supervises. Hurting my body past where it's fun for me.  Punishing just fr the sake of keeping the dynamic on place.  I'm turned on by the thought of wanting something to stop and Mistress refuses telling me that I am in too deep now for it to stop.      

There were some quotes I took away from the blog mentioned above.

He has a submissive soul. He cannot be content without being controlled and dominated. If he is treated with cruelty, that is a clear reinforcement of how helpless his situation is and it increases his sense of being controlled. He truly hates many of his punishments, my tortures, his humiliations and his endless chores.  BUT, I know his soul is content. There are little signs. Not least of which, his worship and awe of me. If your man is truly submissive (and so many are) he will never actually be truly content without true domination – be warned.

Your man needs to feel 100% helpless and trapped. This is easy to achieve. For instance, start playing some bondage games and /or dress up games. Take a photo or two. Put the photos on a flash drive/memory stick and hide it away, or just tell him you have done so. Threaten to send the photos to someone or several people he would dread receiving them. Explain you have changed fundamentally and now cannot enjoy or contemplate the relationship without being the dominant partner and so you are 100% serious. Leave him in no doubt. A submissive man will be in awe of your actions and threats, especially if he knows the threats are not idle. Other men will quickly accept the situation. Like a wolf or chimpanzee in a pack, when a man knows his place in the hierarchy he is at ease.

Begin conditioning. Men, like Pavlov’s dogs, can be conditioned over time. You can move their sense of reality. Punish infractions with punishments that he is truly frightened of and desperate to avoid. Over time, doing all the chores becomes a normal (though dull) part of his life and there is an acceptance in him that that is the way it is. The same phenomenon applies to waiting on you hand-and-foot and to his restricted sexual relief and freedom. Get a chastity device. One involving a piercing is best. You will soon begin to experience the rush of having true power over another human being. Power is a huge rush and an aphrodisiac. It has been enjoyed, as such, by men over women for millennia, now women can enjoy it and become aroused and satisfied by it too.


Begin to experiment with your cruelty and sadism. In my early years of dominance, I could not bring myself to accept that I was a sadist. I found the word to be very distasteful. I was still foolishly fettered by society’s norms and standards. But after frequent experiences of intense arousal while inflicting physical or mental pain on my bitch-boy, I accepted that I was a sadist and that I loved sadism. Perhaps it is simply that sadistic activity signifies true power and it is the power that is the aphrodisiac? I don’t know or care.

I know that this can't happen overnight.  I'm not even sure I would want the level of control that is in some of these blogs, but I sure would like to go in that direction.  In the meantime I can vicariously live through their blog.  

Locked in the cage

Yesterday morning when I got up, I put on a skirt and sweater and then put myself into chastity as ordered.  I got caught up on work and then went to work out.  I had to change into my feminine workout outfit as Mistress doesn't want me wearing gym clothes around the house.  She wants something more feminine and formal.  After my workout I changed back into my skirt and sweater and went back to work in my home office.  After a couple hours I had to get ready to go see my customers.  The rule is that I have to wear something feminine under my work clothes and plain panties are frowned upon.  I picked out a pair of butt enhancing thongs, but I like to call them my spanking panties.  They leave the cheeks hanging out and perfectly framed so one can target the ass cheeks.

When I got home from work I got caught up on emails.  I was about to go get dressed back into my skirt and sweater but Mistress had me go get her some wine.  I quickly ran to the store loving that she ordered me to run an errand for her when I was ready to wind down for the day.  I felt very much like a slave.  When I got home I changed into my feminine outfit and headed back downstairs.  As soon as I got downstairs Mistress announced that tonight I would be in the cage.  I got a little flustered and got an immediate erection.  I really wasn't sure if she was going to go through with this.  She told me that in addition to my current outfit she would be adding high heels to my ordeal.  I was disappointed it was only heels as I had hoped she would do something more challenging, but I accepted it.  I set off to get some heels I could wear.  I picked out some ballet boots with 7 inch heels that I can only crawl in and a pair of strappy sandals with 5.5 inch heels.  Both pairs of heels have a hole in the ankle straps that can accommodate a small padlock to make sure they stay on.  I returned with both pairs of heels and Mistress informed me that my sentence would start at 7pm.  We ate dinner and watched some TV with me knowing what was going to happen.

Pierre Silber "Ballet" 7 inch Locking 

Pierre Silber "Domina" 5 1/2 inch Sandal 

7pm came around sooner than I expected.  Mistress had me use the restroom and put on my shoes. She chose the strappy sandals so that I could walk down the basement stairs to the cage.  Very unceremoniously she told me to get in.  I knelt down and crawled in.  She closed the door, put on the padlock and clicked the lock shut.  She then left the room asking if turning the lights off would be better or worse.  I told her worse so she turned them off and left the room.  

There I was, doing something I wasn't sure would happen.  The very first thing I noticed is how the high heels made being in the cage much more difficult.  They literally took 5.5 inches that I didn't have to spare away from me.  The straps were also tightened so that I could walk in them, but they were too tight to be able to point my toes back and forth.  I had to keep my feet in a neutral position.  I had been bummed about her only choosing high heels for my ordeal but they turned out being the hardest part of it.

The first 15 minutes were easy.  So easy I spent that time imagining ways to make it harder to endure.   I immediately thought of taking one of our spiked mats made for office chairs and cutting it to fit the cage so that the spikes would point up.  I believe those spikes would make an hour feel like 4 hours.  I remembered a blog I read where a master put a women's stocking filled with ice cubes on top of the cage so cold water dripped on his slave that was bound in the cage.  I imagined being retrained in addition to the cage.  Changing positions would be impossible.  I imagined wearing my leather hood with earphones in and white noise or feminization hypnosis tracks being played nonstop.  I imagined a dildo attached to a wall of the cage for me to suck on.  I imagined wood dowels pushed through bars of the cage so that a position would be forced for as long as Mistress desired.  In the picture below the cage is wide open, but the slave can't move.

After that first 15 minutes of trying to think of ways to make the cage more uncomfortable I shifted positions.  Even though I was locked in chastity I managed to play with myself enough to give myself some erections, but nothing even close to an edge.  I wished I had a toy for my ass since my cock couldn't have any attention.  I found I could open the little latch on the front of the cage and I could put my legs out so I could stretch straight.  I also realized my head could go out of the hole.  I imagined having to kiss Mistress feet through the hole before I got released.  I figured this was cheating so I closed the door and didn't try again.

So for the rest of my time I tried to stay comfortable.  I spent 70% of my time on my back, 10% on my sides and 10% on my knees and 10% sitting as upright as the cage would allow.  The high heels really kept me from getting comfortable.  Being fully dressed in feminine wear was very erotic and humiliating for me.  I used naughty thoughts to keep myself entertained in the dark.

After what seemed to be around 90 minutes Mistress came down the stairs and into the room I was locked in.  I asked her how long I had been locked up.  She said exactly 2 hours.  I told her it didn't feel that long.  She had the keys for my heels and gave them to me.  She then unlocked the cage, told me to take off my shoes and come upstairs when I was ready.  

As much as this was intended to be a punishment, it wasn't.  I was so horny and worked up that the two hours seemed like an hour and a half or less.  I was surprised.  I expected to be a pissy belligerent slave guy.  Instead I was deep in subspace and very horny.  I think my change in mindset made that possible.  Now that is not to say that the cage can't be a perfect punishment device.  It can.  It just wasn't this time.  Mistress is planning on me sleeping in it at some time.  I'm dreading that as I don't imagine that I will be getting much sleep.

While the cage didn't turn out being a punishment I believe it was a smashing success.  Mistress did something to me I didn't really think she had in her.  On top of that I think she is now more motivated to see where we can take this relationship.  I also think she has the tools and attitude to make my life as miserable and difficult as I yearn for.  I am very much looking forward to new and wonderful tortures and humiliations.        

          

It's about control

Last night Mistress totally mindfucked me.  After we got into bed and were saying goodnight to each other, she mentioned yesterday's blog post.  I am paraphrasing here.  "Tomorrow or Thursday you will be locked in the cage in the basement"  I was stunned.  I didn't know what to say.  I asked her what that meant as I was thinking I would be locked in the cage all day while I worked.  She said "based on your blog post today, you seem to be egging me on to lock you in the cage".  "You seem to think I don't have it in me".  She went on to tell me that I will be locked up from around 7-9pm.  I won't have my phone.  She will make sure I am wearing something humiliating and/or something uncomfortable.  She also told me I will be locked in chastity as we both had a chuckle about what I would do to my cock if I had access to it.  She added that if there was one bit of negativity I would be sleeping in the extra bedroom for a week.  I like that instead of pulling back the D/s dynamic if I was pissy that she was going to double down on it.  I had an instant hard on.  Mistress told me to go to bed and she left me like that.

My head was spinning.  Her saying that just before bed was such a mind fuck  Then I started to question myself.  What kind of guy gets so turned on about being locked in a cage?  A cage I know will be brutally boring.  Then it hit me.  It's not the cage.  The cage is just a tool.  It's the loss of control.  Then I realized that every little thing I fantasize about is about control.  Whether it's bondage, chastity, a collar locked around my neck, women's clothes, humiliation, shaving, nail polish, butt plugs, cum eating, beatings, breath-play, serving my Mistress, chores and even cages, those are just tools for what I really crave, loss of control.  As I thought more about it, asking her to be meaner is just me asking to have more control taken away from me.  It even seems less mean to me when I look at it this way.

As I tried to go to sleep after her comments my mind started running through scenarios.  I tried imagining how it would look.  What would she make me wear?  I thought about having to get on my knees to be able to crawl into the cage.  I imagined the lock being clicked shut. I imagined the lights out and me sitting in the dark.  Even though I would be bored, my submissive mind would be running a million miles an hour.  Then I imagined being let out.  The humility I would feel.  Doing everything in my power to be positive about the experience.

I am excited and a little scared about being locked in the cage.  That being said, I intend to own it 100%.  Mistress is right, I have egged her on.  Not to be a pushy bottom, but because I want her to be confident doling out punishments when I deserve them.  I want her to know I am more than OK with her tightening her grip over me.  I also want to train myself to accept my fate.  By accepting punishments gracefully I can grow in my submission and serve my Mistress better.

In closing I want Mistress to know I am looking forward to a new experience.  If she wants to lock me up earlier and/or later, I will not question it.  Whatever she decides to make me wear, or make me do I will do.  I will be positive when I go in the cage, while I am in the cage and when I get out of the cage.  I will thank her for doing this for me us.  I will write a full report on my time in the cage, good and bad.  It is my intention to make this such a good experience that Mistress will be looking for reasons to lock me up!

  



    

Being meaner to someone you love.

This sums me up nicely

I sent Mistress a blog post to read that I found interesting.  She found another post it that same blog that she forwarded to me.  The post is about trying to maintain D/s in a long term relationship.  Here is the jist of the article.

"I've always found it difficult to be a good Domme to someone I love. For me, it takes a little distance to dominate someone well. But being IN love with my sub seems to make domming even more challenging for me. Cohabitation didn't help matters..."

Mistress seems to believe she has this same challenge.  She has a hard time being "mean" to me because of our closeness.  When we first started dating, Mistress came up with some pretty good and intense scenes.  She ordered me into chastity more readily.  She tied me up or dominated me in some other way almost every time we were together.  She would punish me for even being one minute late to our dates.  She would require me to be wearing panties, stocking and garters when we went to the movies.  She would text me several times a day telling me her evil thoughts.

Now dating for 6 years and living together for 5 years has us in a very comfortable relationship.  We have our routines and responsibilities that keeps us grounded.  We also get along with each other better than we have with past partners.  We both believe we are in the best relationship of our lives and wouldn't change that for anything in the world.  Now don't get me wrong.  Mistress can still be plenty mean.  She can beat the insides of my thighs until I am bruised and she can smack me in the calls until I can feel it in my stomach.  She has it in her.  I'm just hoping to get her to the next level as a sadist.  There is nothing that turns me on seeing her get dripping wet when she hurts me.

Mistress was speculating last night that if we weren't so close and familiar she thinks she could be meaner.  There just isn't a good way to test out this theory as we obviously aren't going to break up to see if she will be meaner to me.

She asked me to post to this blog the idea of having another Mistress come to our house and teach her how to be meaner to me.  For those of you reading this, please leave a comment if you have any input or ideas on this.

I can appreciate Mistress's point of view.  Our first couple of play scenes was with me dominating Mistress.  They went OK, but not great.  First off, she thought she was submissive.  I quickly helped her realize she wasn't.  When she was put in a situation that she couldn't get out of she fought back  (and not in a submissive way).  When I slapped her in the face several times, she didn't ask me to stop, but took it.  Again, not in a submissive way.  My attempt to Dom her stopped at that time and we started shifting to a female dominant relationship.

Now if Mistress kept insisting she was submissive, I would have kept going and kept trying.  So long as she was begging to be treated this way, I would push through, being sure to get both of our needs and wants met.  Would I have a harder time being "mean" after 5 or 6 years?  I don't think so.  If she wanted me to treat her badly (because she liked it), I really believe I could do it.

I don't see D/s or even intense and sadistic D/s as "mean".  To me, mean is doing something to someone with the intention of hurting them in a way that is purposefully negative.  In the context of a consensual D/s "mean" is a positive.

There are many activities in the D/s world that are barbaric to those on the outside.  Stun guns, waterboarding, breath control, needle play, cutting, branding, beatings, spanking, choking, pissing, collars, chains, rape, bondage, etc.  All of these items in a prison or a military setting are considered torture.  In the D/s world there are thousands of people worldwide that use many of these same things to have their needs met.  When done consensually a barbaric torture can be an erotic fantasy come true.

Now I can try to rationalize that treating me in bad ways makes sense, but that doesn't really address Mistress's problem of trying to be meaner to me in our day to day.  I don't want discount her insecurities as they are as real as my insecurities.  I would like for us both to push through our insecurities to take us to the next level.  Here are some random thoughts on this topic that popped up in my head about how to make this transition.  I do not intend for any of this to be topping from the bottom, merely ways to help promote dialog and set positive examples.

• Trust.  We have been together for so long I trust Mistress implicitly.  Because of this I can trust her meanness to be exactly what I need.  She can also trust that I won't ask for something I can't handle.
• Don't think of it as being mean.  A personal trainer isn't mean to his clients.  He pushes them past their comfort level and he challenges them.  Some people get sore after working out with a trainer, some even get sick because they got pushed so hard.  In the end the customer likes the experience so much they pay the trainer and schedule another appointment.  Is that mean?
• Have me be mean to myself as a demonstration.  I can be very mean to myself.  Would it help if I created a scene for Mistress to watch so she could see what I can endure?  I have dozens of self torture scenes or situations I can think of to demonstrate.
• Lock myself in the cage.  Mistress still has yet to do this to me.  I would get up early one morning or wait until she stepped out for an appointment.  I would lock myself up and toss the key out of reach and send her a picture of me locked up.  Would that help or hurt?
• Start watching porn videos or reading femdom blogs of real people.  I have collected a large library of all types of D/s movies and can recommend many blogs.  One of the things Mistress did when we first met is she watched a lot of porn and did a lot of research on D/s.  I believe that these things normalize the activities and makes mean seem not so mean.  It also gets the creative juices flowing.
• Have me find an online Domme or Dom.  Tell them our situation and have me follow their instructions while Mistress watches or participates at her comfort level.  
• Have Mistress find an online sub.  Someone she could practice on and see if distance creates an ability to be meaner.
• Some Mistress's have their slave sleep in a separate room and use a separate bathroom.  This creates the needed distance in their minds to treat their slave more slave-like.  A week as a test might be interesting
• Create different personas.  By taking on a character, you can compartmentalize the sadist from the loving partner.  I use my Sophia personality as an alternate personality to make being fully feminized more palatable.  If we ever went out in public I would be fully in my Sophia personality. 
• Find a pro-domme to mentor us.  I imagine a first appointment where I direct the torture.  I think it would a positive to see how much I would take.  From there, we could have the domme help Mistress with where she wants to take me.  I can also imagine Mistress seeing this domme dominate other men to see how common this desire to be treated badly is.
• 24, 48, 72 hours of pure D/s.  We plan a time for me to be a 100% slave.  I would have a safe word or 2, but unless I used it, Mistress could push as hard as she desires.  

In short, I would love it if Mistress were meaner.  We have all the time in the world so we can take small steps.  Just know that I am "all in".  I also want you to enjoy being meaner.  I will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

If any readers have any ideas, your comments would be appreciated.  

No touching

When I was younger I was a prolific masturbator.  I would cum 1st thing in the morning and last thing before bed.  If I was in a particular mood, I might cum a 3rd or 4th time.  Before I was married a woman online had me masturbate every hour for an entire day, I managed 6 times before I couldn't do it anymore.    This behavior carried on into my previous marriage.  I traveled a lot and would cum at least 3 times day.  When I was at home I would sneak off into the bathroom and rub one out and on vacation I would do the same.  Needless to say I had little energy for her.

The last few years of my previous marriage, I started to embrace not cumming.  We practiced some chastity, and I even managed to go a record 75 days without an orgasm at one point.  The problem was that now I had a ton of sexual energy, but no outlet for it as my ex was less than interested since it wasn't 'vanilla' sexual energy.

I have been with my current partner, Mistress and future wife for 6 years.  I embrace not cumming more than ever.  In fact, I am begging Mistress to not make me cum anytime soon.  During this time we have explored several ways of how to handle me pleasuring myself.  I have never been allowed to orgasm without permission.  However me touching myself has had many iterations.  From zero touching, to being locked in chastity, to being allowed to edge, to being forced to edge each morning, we have tried it all.  Our most recent agreement was that I can edge, but if anything drips out, I have to eat it.  That has greatly curtailed my edging and as well as how close to the edge I allow myself to get.  

Yesterday I was told that we are back to the no touching rule.  It's been so long that I forgot.  This morning I woke up with a major hard on and in my grogginess managed to give myself one stroke up and down before I remembered.  I did stop with that one stroke.  That being said, I want to touch myself now more than ever.  It's true, you want what you can't have.  I half joked that if she didn't lock me in chastity that I was going to have to lock myself up just to avoid the temptation.

I am loving how Mistress is getting more comfortable adding to my situation.  From making me wear women's clothes to the no touching rule to adding protocols, I am yearning for her to keep getting stricter and meaner.  I shudder just thinking about it.  

  

     

Reflection on the week

Since Monday morning I am back in slave mode.  I am collared, dressed in feminine wear, following instructions and tasks and trying to be more of service.  Here are some thoughts so far.

On Monday Mistress and I went out to happy hour with one of her friends.  I am currently not drinking so I just had water.  Mistress and her friend proceeded to drink and gossip.  I felt something at the time, but it didn't really click until last night.  I was essentially her chauffeur.  I have fantasized about Mistress making me dress up and taking a group of women out on the town.  I wouldn't join them, I would just be there to drive them around and get them home safely.  I also fantasize about Mistress controlling my food and drink when we go out.  Now she didn't say I couldn't drink, but it was easy for my mind to make the leap.  Over the next month of me not drinking I can see Mistress making me feel more like her servant when we do out than an equal partner.  Hot!

I am having to dive deeper into my feminine closet.  It scares me yet excites me.  I am trying to be safe and deniable with what I wear, but Mistress has added a challenge of not allowing me to wear the same thing in the same week.  In my opinion that leaves it a little too safe for me.  I will wear my 7 safest outfits each week.  Instead, I imagine having to wear every item at least once prior to being able to start over on my wardrobe.  Once I wear it, it goes into a hamper until I've worn everything.  That would mean I would be in some pretty skimpy/slutty dresses for a few days.  The thought makes me shudder.  I also think of being required to wear additional items like bras, breast forms, wigs, and high heels.  That would be the right kind of mean.

Also, I wore three different feminine items under my male clothes while at work this week.  A pair of control top pantyhose, a pair of heavy duty pink leggings and a body shaper.  All of them kept my cock squished down and made me feel very constricted.  Mistress said "it's good for you".  I can't agree more.

Lastly, I feel that I have failed a couple times this week.  The requirement is that I have to be dressed femme within 30 minutes of coming home.  I failed twice.  Once on Wednesday when I got home from work, and yesterday after we ran a morning errand.  In both cases I continued to be dressed in my male clothes for well over an hour.  To make matters worse, yesterday I had items to put on about 20 feet away from me.  I believe the failure occurred due to me wanting to maintain that last little bit of control as well as me fighting some internal insecurities.  Even this morning I had to overcome this problem.  We have some company coming over this morning.  I intended to wear my male clothes until they left.  Instead I sucked it up and put on some pink yoga pants and a feminine sweatshirt.  I will change clothes 10 minutes before they get here, but I will be wearing feminine items under my male clothes.  Regardless I feel there should be consequences for failing.  I really, really want to do as I'm told 100% and need to be held accountable to make this work.

  

Collars, Control and Orgasms

I've worn a collar on and off for the last 6 years.  It's very deniable and looks good, but it really shows when I wear a t-shirt.  People ask about it but no one really gets what it symbolizes.  The one I wear is this one https://wyredslave.com/product/ouroboros-collar-5mm-14-stainless-steel/  Sometimes when I wear it for long periods of time, it seems routine.  Also, Mistress never really comments on it, so I end up with doubts and negative self-talk about wearing the collar.  The result is that I will take it off for long periods of time.  Mistress may notice, but I don't really know as she doesn't mention it.  The other day Mistress told me I needed to be wearing my collar at all times except when bathing.  I keep my body shaved, so being able to remove the collar at will is a nice option.  The problem is it also allows me to remove it when I get insecure.  Since I want to delve deeper into this lifestyle I used the "key" that came with the collar to lock it on.  I then took that key, and taped it into an envelope and sealed it shut.  I gave the envelope to Mistress for her to write on it in her handwriting so that we have a tamper proof way for me to have access to the key if she wishes.  Since it is now locked on, the collar feels different.  The only way it is coming off now is for us to have a discussion.  I like that.

What this also made me realize is that for the last 6 years I have had control over when I wore the collar.  It;s a tiny bit of control, but I hadn't fully relinquished it.  That has made me realize that I tend to do that much more than I realized.  Whether it's wearing feminine items, maintaining my nail polish, doing tasks, following rules, cleaning up my cum with my tongue, I still manage to have some control over the situation.  That makes it hard to truly submit.  So now I will be looking for ways to give up that last bit of control I desperately cling to.  I think a large part of my past disobedience in the past can be tied to me fighting giving up that last tiny bit of control.  I really look forward to giving it up and seeing where that takes us.  As they say, you aren't truly submitting until you are doing things you don't want to do, just to please your Domme.

Lastly, it has been almost a month since I have cum.  The last week has certainly seen my libido increase by leaps and bounds.  Last night while trying to get to sleep I realized that my orgasms are unnecessary.  Sure, I like them, but I have learned to enjoy the lack of them even more.  The chemicals that build up in my system from not cumming.  The constant yearning.  The more deep and dark my fantasies become.  These are all more important to me than having an orgasm.  I think of TV shows and movies where the bad guys give their prisoner or hostage drugs to make them confess or to make them more controllable.  In my case, the drugs are all natural, but they certainly make me easier to control and more agreeable to what Mistress wants.  An orgasm is the only thing that seems to screw that up.  Now while I want to give up a majority of my orgasms, I don't want to give them all up.  You have to know what you are missing to really miss it.  That also doesn't mean I don't want to give up having my cock inside Mistress as much as possible.  In fact I have been reading about ways to train myself to not cum, while giving Mistress as many orgasms as possible, with my cock,  It just involves training myself to slow down and push though the need to cum.  Apparently guys can have an orgasm (or multiple) without ejaculating and the inevitable drop that occurs.  This woman talks about having her husband trained to give her dozens of orgasms with his cock and him not cumming at all for months.  http://flr101.blogspot.com/2016/07/introduction-female-led-relationship-wife-led-marriage-flr-wlm.html

To me that would be the holy grail.

Life gets in the way

It's been 3 weeks since my last orgasm.  I'd like to say it's due to some wild and kinky long term scene Mistress and I have been playing out.  In reality I have had some health issues come up that have precluded any real kink and has even taken my mind out of the kink space for some time.

Starting today that changes until I have to go back for additional treatment.  I can honestly say that I am feeling better than I have since early August.  The last few days my mind has going back to my happy place.  I have been fantasizing about Femdom related activities and have been slowly catching up on some blogs.  Today I find myself back in feminine wear whenever I am at home and in feminine wear under my male clothes when I go out.

Having a health scare has put some things into perspective.  Mistress and I are working on making our lives a little more simple.  Long term plans are to get out of the rat race and live somewhere cheap and relaxing.  I also hope to live with me more and more as a dedicated servant to my Mistress.  I've realized that this lifestyle suits us and I want to go deeper into my submission.  10 years from now I don't want to look back and wish I was a better slave.  I want to be that slave today and I want Mistress to totally get off on owning me and making me do whatever her heart desires.

As part of going deeper into submission, I have been fantasizing about rituals and routines.  Being dressed in feminine wear is a good start.  It's hard to maintain a tough guy attitude when I am in frilly clothes.  I am back to making Mistress coffee every morning.  I still imagine more D/s type protocols.  I'd rather Mistress find protocols that work for her but I still go back to kneeling and kissing her feet.  I found a quote about a woman's perspective on her slave kissing her feet, "she told me that at first this made her uncomfortable, then she thought it was "sweet," then she came to expect it!"  

To me a protocol is something to always keep my mind thinking submissively.  From kissing feet to opening card doors to kneeling when she snaps her fingers, any "forgetting" is dealt with until it becomes second nature.

Lastly, I'd like to thank Paltego at http://www.femdom-resource.com/ for mentioning this blog on his blog.  I have read his site for many years so getting mentioned was a nice surprise.  It also gave my blog a nice little readership bump.

Femme all day

I haven't worn an item of male clothing since Sunday at around 6pm.  When I fantasize about being dressed in women's clothes, my fantasy is of me in a terribly slutty outfit, with makeup, a wig and me teetering around the house in high heels.  The reality is a little different.  Mistress has given me autonomy to dress how I want, and the only rule is no male clothes at home and I can't wear the same thing twice.  Yesterday I was in my pink workout clothes and then later some black lace boy-shorts, Capri jeans and razor back camisole.  I later added a pink sweater as it was chilly.  I also painted my finger and toenails with a polish that is one shade darker than clear nail polish.

Fantasy vs. Reality

I am dressing a little more low key than I had hoped.  I am blaming it on my orgasm on Sunday.  Also Mistress isn't directing what I wear.  That is forcing me to own what I am wearing and to acknowledge deep down that I enjoy wearing women's clothes.  Now this isn't "forced feminization" as I am not being "forced", but I can certainly call it coerced.  She suggested and I agreed that any deviation would result in cage time for me.  Either way, deep down I like it, as much as I hate to admit it.

Wearing these clothes for so long as well as having to pick out my own outfits is causing me to feel a bit more feminine on the inside.  I love the coziness of what I have been wearing as women's clothes are made with such nicer fabric than male clothes.  Since Mistress has told me that I can't wear the same thing more than once, that will be a challenge later this week as my outfits will become more and more risque' out of necessity.  I am dreading and looking forward to it at the same time.

The best part of all this week;s experiment is that I am becoming less embarrassed about being dressed in front on Mistress in a non-sexual or D/s way.  While I am a very masculine guy, I am also getting comfortable with it, it could feel "normal" to me.  If Mistress really wanted it, I hate to admit, but I can see this being a long term part of our relationship.  When she looks at me dressed this way with a certain evil look in her eyes, it goes deep into my soul.  There is something about her hugging me and kissing me when I am wearing clothes like this. that I feel almost like her girl friend.

Yesterday I had mentioned rules and protocols.  Based on the conversation Mistress and I had the other night during sex, I think she would like to add some protocols.  I have come up with some ideas.

• Making her coffee in the morning.
• Kneeling at her feet when she snaps her fingers
• Kissing Mistress feet or shoes on command (just to make a point)
• Open and close the car door for her at all times
• Filling Mistress glass whenever it runs low

There are hundreds more protocols out there, but I don't want to lead too much.  I do like the concept as a way to keep my mind focused as well as giving her additional opportunities to punish misdeeds.

A great night and a humiliating week.

My 400th Post!

Last night Mistress tied me up for the first time in nearly 4 months and it was awesome.  While I was tied up, Mistress hit me in the balls, and used implements on the insides of my thighs.  She teased and edged me with her hand and the Hitachi and she also put a vibrator in my ass so I was buzzing everywhere.  After a short tease Mistress untied me and told me to take care of her.  I started with my mouth and ordered me to use my fingers.  I then switched to the Hitachi and my fingers.  I was trying to get her to squirt all over so I could lick it up.  I then put my cock inside her and quickly gave her an orgasm.  It was while I was inside her she gave me a set of instructions for the week.  She told me I had to wear something feminine (top or bottom) at all times when I am at home.  I was so horny I doubled down and said, how about I don't get to wear anything masculine while I am at home, I have to be 100% in female attire.  She agreed and added that I was also to wear something feminine under my clothes whenever I left the house and it had to be more than just panties.  I also have to paint my toenails and fingernails with clear polish.  

At this point, she told me to cum, then get dressed and then clean my cum out of her pussy.  I delayed, as it was feeling too good to be inside her.  Then the horny, submissive (and a bit buzzed from drinks we had earlier) guy I am wanted more.  I have been fantasizing about being locked in the cage.  I decided to offer my own torture.  I knew that getting dressed in feminine attire wouldn't be too big of a deal, but eating my cum would be nearly impossible especially with time passing after I came.  I wanted to make it more difficult.  I told her that I would cum inside her, then I would get up and get dressed in my cheerleader costume (since it was football Sunday) and when that was done I would clean my cum of out of her pussy with my tongue.  Failure to do so I asked her to lock me up in the cage.  She said it would be for 2 hours if I failed, and after 2 hours if I didn't have a great attitude I would be spending the night in the cage.  Now before I came, I had planned in my mind to get dressed as a cheerleader and then refuse to eat my cum, therefore I would get locked up in the cage.  In fact, if she took me to the cage without an orgasm I would have happily gone, I was that horny.

What happened was not as I planned.  I came, hard.  I then got up, put on a humiliating cheerleader costume (not really a costume as it's from a cheerleader store) and I went straight back to Mistress and put my face between her legs.  I couldn't imagine spending he next 2 hours in the cage.  I was so turned on by the amount of control Mistress was displaying.  Despite just having cum, I licked Mistress's pussy with passion and used my tongue to scoop out what I could.  Mistress told me I was done and to go feed the dog.  I spent the rest of the night in the cheerleader outfit and with sub-drop I was experiencing, I was more than humiliated.  A really good erotic humiliation.

This morning I got up and put on pink workout shorts, a pink shirt and a pink pullover along with pink socks.  I am working from home today so after my workout I will get shaved and put on something more appropriate for working from home.  

Playing everything back in my mind has been a huge turn on.  I love the helplessness of being tied up and blindfolded.  I love Mistress teasing and denying me and making me confess more and more of the things I would do.  I love/hate when Mistress makes me eat my cum, but I am getting more and more used to it.  I still fantasize and fear being locked in the cage.  The threat of it it real.  I like thinking of the cage as the thing that can make me do more and more things that challenge me.  I am embarrassed yet thrilled at the thought of being dressed up all week.  I am looking forward to being Mistress's humiliated little sissy slut that is willing to do anything she asks.  I am also looking to have more rules and protocols in place.  Things that reinforce my place in our relationship and also gives her opportunities to punish and correct me.  I yearn for ways that allow me to serve Mistress and make her desire to use me more and more.  A true sex slave...

    

In an alternate universe

Back when I met my Mistress I was going through a divorce.  I had no intention of being in any sort of long term relationship any time soon.  For that reason, while I was looking for someone dominant to date, I was more than open to dating someone that identified as a submissive.  When I first met Mistress, she told me she was more submissive, but at the same time wasn't that experienced in D/s other than occasional bedroom play.  Early on, I did get to dominate Mistress, and had a great time doing it, but she found out it really wasn't for her.  Since then, 99% of our time together has been with me submitting to her.  That being said, I occasionally yearn to practice the dominant side of my deviant mind.  Last night I had trouble sleeping and allowed myself to imagine what life would be like if Mistress was actually a submissive or an occasional switch.  Oh, the things I would make her do...

• At times I would pick out her clothes.  I would have her wear short skirts or short shorts and high heels when going to lunch during or grocery shopping.
• Some mornings I would have her set her alarm so she could wake me with her hands or mouth.
• I would make her play with herself in the car while I drove, or have her play with me

• I would make her wear heavier makeup when we go out to a new place.
• I would tie her down and use our fucking machine on her at a really slow pace to drive her crazy.  After an hour or so, I would turn it up and make her come multiple times. 
• When out in public, I would make her go into the bathroom and take her panties off and bring them back to me.
• I would make her send me compromising photos during the day.
• Go to a strip bar and get lap dances while she watches.
• Take her to a Pro-Domme and watch her get dominated.

• Make her find porn to send to me.
• Have her flash me in public.
• Have her wear a skirt to the movie with no panties so I can play with her.
• Make her reach into her panties whenever I ask so I can taste her.
• Have her clean off my cock with her mouth after sex.
• Buy her latex panties with a plug to wear so she gets all squishy

• Make her masturbate for me
• Have her create a profile on a dating site for women using an email address we share
• Put her in predicament bondage positions

• Put her in chastity
• Use cupping cups on her nipples to make them stick out more

In short, I would probably be meaner to her than she is to me.  That could create some interesting tit for tat situations.  That being said, I don;t think I could get Mistress to go for too many of these things.  Oh well, I bet I would...

  

Insecurity can go both ways

A quick recap of yesterday.   I worked out in my pink outfit.  Our workout room has lots of mirrors and every time I caught a glimpse of myself in my outfit, I had the perfect amount of humiliation wash over me.  After working out, I came upstairs and had to enter the room Mistress was in.  The erotic shame hit all of my buttons perfectly.  After that I spent another hour dressed but was OK with it.  Like it was normal.  Well played Mistress.

Last night while getting ready for bed, Mistress expressed some reservations about putting me in the cage.  I have been so focused on why I disobey that I hadn't given much thought about the insecurities or other feelings that Mistress may have.  She didn't go deep into her feelings, but I imagine they are similar to mine.  What kind of woman keeps her man in a cage?  How will her slave react in real life if she goes through with it?  If she truly gets as mean as he wants, can he handle it?  Can she really do this?

At some point I will wish I didn't write this, but know it's necessary.  It's been five and a half years since I was put in the cage.  We were a brand new couple.  I was more insecure than I am now about submitting to her.  I was pissy and had an attitude.  It didn't work out.  Could it?  Possibly, but neither of us was equipped to do it at the time.

Fast forward to today.  The cage is set up.  It's inescapable as far as our needs.  She has sentenced me to time in the cage, and I have agreed that it's something we should explore.  I need real world consequences that have a D/s influence.  I need something that truly allows me to reflect, something to knock me down a peg, and something to enforce my place in our world.   Chastity and beatings are part of that, but they take effort and the bondage part rewards me.  While the cage is bondage-y, it's also very mundane.  I can't imagine anything more effective than to crawl out of the cage on my hands and knees at Mistress feet and thank her for the privilege of serving her.

Now for the logistics.  Starting small makes sense. I don't know how many hours Mistress has planned for me, but guess it's in the 8-12 range and counting.  Instead of my first time being overnight, maybe we start with me in the cage in 2-4 hour increments.  Having me use the restroom before hand for shorter duration's and providing a bottle to pee in for longer duration's.  What will I wear?  Naked? Chastity if my hands are free?  Feminine clothes?  Straight jacket?  Blindfold?  Hood? Humbler?

She could make cage time harder.  Have me put a spiked mat in the bottom of the cage.  Restrain me uncomfortable positions.  Plugged.  Use wooden rods to keep me in a position.

We live a busy life, so when is it a good time to lock me up if we don't do it over night?  When Mistress takes naps.  For the first half of our day on weekends.  For a few hours in the evenings.  When Mistress has nail and hair appointments.  It turns out there is a lot of time.  She could also lock me up during the days I work from home, but that would require my having access to my cell phone and a computer.  I have even considered the thought of being caged from 5pm on a Friday to 8am on a Monday.  Let out 3 times a day (while shackled) to use the restroom and stretch.  My meals would be served in the cage.  Talk about a mind fuck. 

Additionally we have a camera that could be put in the room to monitor me so Mistress doesn't have to enter the room I am locked in.  That can add to the isolation but also help her alleviate any guilt feelings.

Lastly I should remain in the cage until I am sufficiently humble.  Being pissy is not an option.  I am certain I will be pissy, but that just means I am working through some stuff in my head.  It means I need to be pushed past my inner doubts into acceptance of my submission.

All of that being said, I am ready and willing to start serving my sentence.  I want Mistress to feel secure in the idea that she can lock me up and I will take it as positively as possible.  I am not looking forward to the cage, but I am looking forward to the loss of control and Mistress being meaner.  I am also looking forward to Mistress being much more secure in taking control.  The cage should help with this.  

  

                

Obeying

I try to work out at least 3 days a week.  We have a good range of workout equipment in our basement, some of which would be great for bondage.  2 days ago Mistress told me she wanted me to wear a specific workout outfit the next time I worked out which is today.  A pink workout shirt, tight women's shorts, and my pink Reebok's.  Being given an order 2 days ago used to make it easy for me to use the excuse of "I forgot" when I didn't particularly want to do a task.  Why don't I want to do this task?  Because I am feeling insecure and humiliated.  Especially because Mistress is going to come downstairs and see me in this outfit.  I will be embarassed, and likely blush a bit.  I will feel like something is wrong with me as a man.  The thing is, that's the best reason to give me the task.  There is something very powerful in the shame I feel being dressed in women's clothes in front of Mistress.  It's exciting. It's an aphrodisiac to me.  I absolutely love it when Mistress gets in my head this way.  I'm getting a hard-on just writing about it.  Despite the mental challenges this is what I desperately want, no matter what Mistress has to do to me to make me obey.     

Now that I have figured out why I disobey, I am having an easier time obeying.  Last night I set out my workout clothes, so I had one less excuse.  This morning I was going to wear a jacket over my pink shirt.  Instead I have chosen to embrace it.  I also am wearing pink socks that were not part of the original order.  

Now this is exciting to me.  Mistress pushing me in small ways and me obeying even though I am feeling mentally challenged by it.  I love the idea of where this can go.  Being Mistress's chastised, feminized, obedient slave whose only purpose is to serve her and sexually please her.  To be used, abused, humiliated and challenged.  To be taken to a place where I will literally do anything she tells me to, just to please her.  I'm a lucky man.    

  

          

Controlling

Mornings are usually when I am at my horniest.  Science says there is a surge of testosterone in the morning.  While I am sure that's true, I also think sleeping in something in something that focuses on my submissive side helps.  So does having ideas running through your mind.  In the hour or so before I got out of bed at 6 this morning, I had tons of thoughts going through my head.  1st, I knew as soon as I got up I would be locking myself in chastity per Mistress's orders.  Then I would replay scenarios in my head.  The one that ruled my morning was different ways of removing control from a submissive.  As a "grown ass man" with free will and such, it's very powerful to take things away from me or to force coerce me to do things other men don't have to do.

Things I currently do.

• Shave my entire body, including my armpits.  The armpit is still a tough one for me especially in the summer.  That being said, I certainly feel owned and feminized by it.
• Wear nighties or other feminine attire every night.  I used to let this slide, but Mistress's threats of caging me have changed that.
• Chastity
• Painted toenails in the winter months.
• Cum Eating occasionally
• Orgasm Denial
• Make appointments for Mistress
• Cage Time
• Strapon
• Mistress knows my location at all times due to GPS tracking

Things I read about online that I am sure are powerful.

• Speech restrictions - sub not allowed to speak unless spoken to.  Sometimes enforced with a gag.  Sometimes used during arguments to establish full control.
• Eye contact restrictions.
• Clothing being chosen.  Having clothes picked out for me to wear (even my day to day male clothes) would definitely show control.  It's so basic to decide what to wear, having that taken away is a huge mind fuck.
• Forced nudity
• Having to ask permission to use bathroom, go anywhere, buy things, is very controlling.
• Having food chosen.  Going out to a restaurant and having my food and drink chosen for me.  Like Mistress ordering me a salad and water while she has a steak and wine.  A good power move.
• Having access to my bank accounts, email, computer etc.
• Being restrained during non-play times i.e shackled during the day.
• Having pictures and videos taken of me in compromising situations
• Scheduled chores
• Sleeping in bondage
• Scent training
• Corner time
• Writing lines

As I write some of those things, I cringe as I know it would suck.  However, at the same time I know it's a great way to establish control as well as test my ability to agree to anything (with consequences for failure to comply).

As I said above, that's how my morning started.  I am now locked in chastity and my mind is a fog on submissive thoughts.  I am a lucky slave.  

Shifting Dynamics

Before I get into the post for the day I want to describe something that Mistress did yesterday that was small, but powerful.  Mistress made a concerted effort to comment on me still wearing my pink boy shorts and camisole under my clothes.  She touched both items and asked me what they were.  I just stammered something about being naughty clothes.  I was mildly humiliated, but for some reason also greatly turned on.  I loved/hated that she brought it out into the open.  I loved that she pushed my buttons.  In fact this morning I am still wearing my items and I have to admit that I was so turned on this morning that I didn't put on any of my male clothes over my outfit until I had fed the dog and did the dishes.  It felt pretty naughty to be doing chores like that.  I imagine having to wear outfits like that without covering up.  I also fantasize of expanding my outfits like these

Things are starting to change.  After lots of discussion, I set up the cage yesterday in our basement. It's a collapsible dog kennel and I used zip ties on it to make sure it's inescapable.  It's big enough to move around in (if not restrained) but not big enough to ever get comfortable.  There is a large padlock on the door and an opening to pass items through without opening the cage.

While I am not looking forward to spending any more than 5 minutes in the cage, I have to admit I am turned on.  Not by being locked in the cage, but by the shift in Mistress's attitude.  She is already using it as a threat when there is something I do that she doesn't like.  She is using it to change my behavior, and I have to admit it's powerful.  My attitude changes quickly when it's brought up.  I haven't spent one minute in the cage and it's already working.

Not me, yet.

Mistress also expressed a changing attitude as far as starting to use me to get her sexual needs met without concerning herself with mine.  It's been quite a while since we have done that.  When I first met her and I was teaching her how male orgasm denial works, she got pretty good at using me for her pleasure and denying me.  Since then it really hasn't happened other than back in December and January when I was locked in chastity for 31 days.  There were at least a couple times where Mistress used me and had multiple orgasms while I went without.  I think she may feel some guilt about it, but there is no need.  I thrive on being treated that way.  In fact I am excited to be going back into chastity as soon as possible and being used to take care of Mistress's needs.

As a result of this changing power dynamic I woke up terribly horny.  While some men might shudder at the thought of losing control, I am excited about it.  That's not to say there won't be some fits and starts, but now we have the tools to handle them.  I am in heaven.

Finally, I may regret sharing these posts, but here are a couple cage ideas I read over the last month or so.  My horny mind is getting the better of me.

Cage story #1 https://dominajen.com/2016/01/13/birthday-figging/     
Cage story #2 http://wedlocked-femdom.com/2014/03/05/cage-time/
Cage story #3 http://wedlocked-femdom.com/2014/08/23/bondage-box/