Wednesday, October 26, 2016

It's about control

Last night Mistress totally mindfucked me.  After we got into bed and were saying goodnight to each other, she mentioned yesterday's blog post.  I am paraphrasing here.  "Tomorrow or Thursday you will be locked in the cage in the basement"  I was stunned.  I didn't know what to say.  I asked her what that meant as I was thinking I would be locked in the cage all day while I worked.  She said "based on your blog post today, you seem to be egging me on to lock you in the cage".  "You seem to think I don't have it in me".  She went on to tell me that I will be locked up from around 7-9pm.  I won't have my phone.  She will make sure I am wearing something humiliating and/or something uncomfortable.  She also told me I will be locked in chastity as we both had a chuckle about what I would do to my cock if I had access to it.  She added that if there was one bit of negativity I would be sleeping in the extra bedroom for a week.  I like that instead of pulling back the D/s dynamic if I was pissy that she was going to double down on it.  I had an instant hard on.  Mistress told me to go to bed and she left me like that.

My head was spinning.  Her saying that just before bed was such a mind fuck  Then I started to question myself.  What kind of guy gets so turned on about being locked in a cage?  A cage I know will be brutally boring.  Then it hit me.  It's not the cage.  The cage is just a tool.  It's the loss of control.  Then I realized that every little thing I fantasize about is about control.  Whether it's bondage, chastity, a collar locked around my neck, women's clothes, humiliation, shaving, nail polish, butt plugs, cum eating, beatings, breath-play, serving my Mistress, chores and even cages, those are just tools for what I really crave, loss of control.  As I thought more about it, asking her to be meaner is just me asking to have more control taken away from me.  It even seems less mean to me when I look at it this way.

As I tried to go to sleep after her comments my mind started running through scenarios.  I tried imagining how it would look.  What would she make me wear?  I thought about having to get on my knees to be able to crawl into the cage.  I imagined the lock being clicked shut. I imagined the lights out and me sitting in the dark.  Even though I would be bored, my submissive mind would be running a million miles an hour.  Then I imagined being let out.  The humility I would feel.  Doing everything in my power to be positive about the experience.

I am excited and a little scared about being locked in the cage.  That being said, I intend to own it 100%.  Mistress is right, I have egged her on.  Not to be a pushy bottom, but because I want her to be confident doling out punishments when I deserve them.  I want her to know I am more than OK with her tightening her grip over me.  I also want to train myself to accept my fate.  By accepting punishments gracefully I can grow in my submission and serve my Mistress better.

In closing I want Mistress to know I am looking forward to a new experience.  If she wants to lock me up earlier and/or later, I will not question it.  Whatever she decides to make me wear, or make me do I will do.  I will be positive when I go in the cage, while I am in the cage and when I get out of the cage.  I will thank her for doing this for me us.  I will write a full report on my time in the cage, good and bad.  It is my intention to make this such a good experience that Mistress will be looking for reasons to lock me up!



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