The past few days...

Saturday Morning Mistress removed my chastity device.  She said if I was good I would be free until the next afternoon.  We went about our normal weekend routine.  It was weird being free.  I was able to wear some jeans that were tighter.  I wore panties when we went to the movies.  I still slept in my nighty as that was not discussed.  I would like to say I slept better, but I can't say for sure.  I think I got adapted well enough to sleeping in the device.  Mistress didn't tell me to lock up on Sunday even though the device was on the counter after being ran through the dishwasher.  I moved it to the dining room table to get it out of the way Sunday evening.

Monday morning came without me being locked.  I was torn.  Physically I was very happy to be free.  I was able to wear anything I wanted and had a freedom I hadn't experienced in over a month.  Mentally I was confused.  While happy to be free, I was missing something.  I was missing the ache, the desire and the submissiveness I had been feeling.  Insecurity slipped in.  Was Mistress happy with me.  Was chastity too much of a pain for her?  My insecurity built and I decided to edge myself to try and get back the horny needy submissiveness I had been feeling for so long.  I was able to edge about 8 times in less than 5 minutes before I decided to work out.  I put on some slutty red satiny boxers I had and worked out.  I kept debating with myself back and forth of whether it was good for me to be unlocked or not.  I then felt guilty about edging and decided to keep myself busy the rest of the day.  I ran errands and did some chores around the house.  We had some people coming to work on the house so I moved my device from the dining room table to my nightstand.  At bedtime I wondered if I should wear a nighty as I still had insecurities about being a grown man with my particular kinks.  I decided to wear it so that Mistress would know I was committed to our recalibration.

Tuesday came and went without me being locked.  At work I wore pants I could never have worn with my current device.  I also wore some cute Victoria's Secret panties.  All day my mind ran with insecurities about kink, chastity, etc.  I know it's not rational, but it still happens.  Last night I wore a nighty again but for the most part I was felling pretty asexual all day.

Today I got an email from Mistress with instructions.  As I write this, my prostate massager is in my ass until 9:30 this morning.  I didn't want to have to wear it to work, which means I do have to wear it while I work out this morning.  That should give me some interesting sensations, especially doing lunges :-)  Additionally I had to remove and repaint my toenails and fingernails.  My toes are a shiny deep purple and my nails are a clear coat with a tint that matches my regular nail color pretty well.  Besides a tiny bit of shine it's not really visible, but I can certainly feel them so it is a bit of a mind fuck thinking others will notice.  Lastly I will have to wear something feminine under my clothes today.  I am undecided what it will be, but am leaning toward one of these since I am unlocked.  I plan on wearing them tonight for happy hour.

All of that being said I try not to have insecurities.  My male mind gets on the way and I start to have self doubts about being the way I am.  I worry about putting too much pressure on Mistress.  I know there is no changing it since I have been this way since I was a child.  I just have to remember I have someone that loves me for who I am and is kind enough to indulge more often than not.  My head is spinning right now with submissive thoughts and my prostate is throbbing...
         

Teasing, Denial and Forced Statements

For the last day or so I cannot get the thought of a teasing session out of my mind.  Mistress is a master at being able to edge me over and over and I can't get those thoughts out of my head.  My current fantasy goes something like this...

Mistress tells me to go take a shower and to pay special attention to my cock cage.  As I shower she gets our bed ready.  I get out and she has some transsexual or gay porn playing on the TV in our room.  She has my put on my restraints as well as a black leather collar.  She ties me to the bed so I can't move.  She starts by kissing and licking and touching every part of my body and completely ignores my cock that is now straining to get out of it's cage.  She pays extra attention to my nipples, so much so that I am begging her to stop as they are over stimulated.  Mistress keeps telling me of her fantasy of seeing me with a man.  She tells me that for me to be unlocked she wants to hear me say what I "think" I could do with a man.  She makes me repeat it several times to get her to leave my nipples alone and then she gets up and leaves the room.

I am tied to our bed, thinking about what she got me to say while there is porn that is not my kind of porn playing on the TV.  Mistress comes back into the room and starts to unlock my device.  She tells me that my eyes are to remain on the TV screen no matter what.  If my eyes move from the screen she will punch my balls.  After a couple turns of the screw she tells me to repeat what I said earlier.  I repeat it.  She removes the device and proceeds to bring to the edge a few times.  Mistress uses the Hitachi to get herself off while letting my cock recover from the edges.  She edges me a few more times while talking about how she plans on making me be with a guy.

She then pulls the large squirting dildo out of the drawer and holds it in front my my face.  I look at it and get a swift hit to the balls for taking my eyes off the TV screen.  She tells me to open my mouth, I do and she interests the cock in my mouth.  She tells me to hold it there and if it comes out my balls will take another beating.  Mistress then strokes my cock until I let her know I am close cumming.  She stops stroking my cock and starts deep throating me with the dildo.  I am choking on the cock and tears are streaming down the corners of my eyes.  I quickly come down from the edge due to the mouth fucking and Mistress leaves the cock in my mouth while she edges me again.  This repeats several times along with Mistress getting herself of many times.  She again leaves the bedroom with me watching porn and a dildo sitting in my mouth.

After a short while Mistress comes back in the room and takes a picture of me with the cock in my mouth and the TV screen very visible in the picture.  She starts stroking my cock until I get to the edge.  She takes the dildo and tells me to repeat after her.  For the next 30 minutes she makes me repeat over and over what she wants me to do with a guy.  She edges me time and again while making me repeat it with my eyes on the screen.  Once she is satisfied that this session has had a mental impact on me she unties me and tells me to put my device back on.  I then spend the next few days humiliated and turned on at the same time about all the things Mistress made me contemplate.  Mistress texts that picture of me sucking cock to my phone whenever she wants to make me blush.  When she does, my cock throbs in its cage.

Here is a post I recently found about T&D that I found particularity hot.

Ms. Rika’s Tips for Tease and Denial:

Quoted from Ms. Rika, accomplished author:

T&D is one of my favorite playtime activities :) Here are a few tips:

• I don’t tell him I’m going to tease him…I just do it.
• I don’t say, “I’m not going to let you come”. Rather I say, “Maybe this time…” Keep him hoping. The more he thinks that THIS TIME he gets to come the better - the spin off is all about making him think he’s going to get off and then suddenly, stimulation stops and he’s left hanging on
• If I want him to do something humiliating, I tell him to do it early - before I tease him in earnest. Hopefully, he’ll refuse. Then it becomes a challenge to get him to change his mind - which he will.
• When I do get that challenge, then I can take it to the next level. Using your example: If I want him to lick my ass, and he refuses at first - then after an hour of repeated denials, he says he’ll do it - I’ll tease him a few more times until he’s literally begging me to let him do it. I might tell him that his begging isn’t sincere enough and tease him again. Then I might let him do it - then tell him he did a good job so he can come…and STILL not let him come.
• Which brings up the next point, as a rule, you don’t need to be fair. The situation is not fair. You are totally in control and being “not fair” is one way to demonstrate it. You can lie. You can tell him that he’s going to get to come and then not let him. You can deliberately confuse him. You can do whatever you want to him and he will let you…because ultimately, you and only you will decide if and when that orgasm comes. Pushy victims might just suffer longer! He might suffer longer just because you feel like it. Tough!
• I never feel like a T&D session has to end - I can PAUSE a session - untie him, go about my day and then pick up later in the evening and start all over again - or even the next day. The impact of a good T&D session lasts…it’s a cumulative thing. If you tease and deny him over several days, the tension will continue to build up and the ultimate release will be that much sweeter.
• I personally don’t like the number system. I feel it gives him in too much control. I use a “beg me not to let you come” system with a failsafe. Rather than him begging to come, I tell him I want him to beg me to stop - when he’s getting close. Personally, I love the irony of him screaming, “Please stop, I’m going to come” and me saying, “OK…” :) But here’s the trick - if I choose to NOT stop, he has to come within 5 seconds - or he will not get to come at all. This way, he will not be able to cheat. He has to be REALLY close before he asks me to stop - Realize though, that this means, sometimes, you have to not stop when he begs you to stop. Sometimes you need to let him come. You have to keep him honest - which means that some sessions will be quick, because you let him get off earlier than he may have expected. It’s a payment up front for more fun later.
• Lube is your friend. A lot of lube will make him so slippery that your motions won’t create as much stimulation. As the lube wears down, you’ll see him start to feel it more and you know you’re creating that build up.
• Read up on “polishing the apple” aka “palming the knob” - a great technique for prolonging his orgasm while keeping him stimulated. A word of advice, I have found that lube is NOT your friend for this technique - the drier your palm, with just a little moisture, the more intense the stimulation seems to be. The more intense the stimulation, the “worse” his experience will be! :)
• I make a point to stop every once in a while. I’ll let him recover a little before stimulating him again. I blow on his penis, I’ll let him eat me for a while. I take my time.
• I am aware of the “power of three”. I mention this in my first book - we are accustomed in our lifestyle to things in threes: 1-2-3, a-b-c, red-yellow-green, ready-set-go, win-place-show, etc. The natural tendency is to deny twice and allow to come on the third try. I’m aware of these tendencies and try to avoid them. Or, I use them to my advantage by playing on his natural feeling that the “third time’s a charm”…but it isn’t.
• Last thought: I’ll create a fun situation where he’s begging me to stop, so he’s really close - and I’ll say, “Go ahead…Come”, but I’ll remove all stimulation. If I time it right, he won’t have reached the point of no return - and without stimulation, he won’t be able to get off. Then, I can either say, “Maybe you don’t want to come? I told you to come!” and decide to put it off to another day - or just let him beg some more to get me to start again :)

T&D is SO much fun…I hope this list gives you some good ideas!
- Rika

    

Adaptation

I have been posting to this blog for 5 years and for the most part any time wearing a chastity device was brought up I had to comment on how much I hated it.  Between my last relationship and this one I liked the concept, but not the reality.  Looking back it turns out I never gave it a fair chance.  Chastity was always about me and about how I should be getting something from my Mistress.  I felt if I was going to wear it, more kinky stuff should be happening to me.  I would get upset than kinky stuff wasn't happening to me or life would get in the way and I would want out.  That happened enough that I never actually got used to wearing the device.  I can honestly say that 3 weeks I crossed a threshold of adapting and coming up on 5 weeks I am even more adapted.

Now I have had to make some adjustments.  Wearing looser pants helps as does going without underwear.  Tight pants and underwear that doesn't allow for freer movement makes the device more uncomfortable that it should be.  I do miss wearing panties, but they don;t have room for my unlocked cock let alone a locked one.  Crotchless panties seem made for this but I don't have any.  

Working out was always a major pain.  I quit doing much cardio so that helps a lot, but even then the shorts I wear hold my device too tightly.  Since I workout from home I can revise things a bit.

Having my device full hanging out allows plenty of movement and doesn't pinch.  This would not be an option if I was doing cardio.

Sleeping can be a challenge, but I have to admit that being locked up for almost 5 weeks, I seem to have adapted pretty well.

Another thing that sucks is using public bathrooms.  In my device I must use a stall and a toilet.  When I am in a bar or restaurant I feel like such a pervert, but I guess that's part of the psychology of chastity.

  

H-O-R-N-Y

It's a little over 48 hours since I had my orgasm.  I woke up extremely horny this morning.  If I had access to my cock this morning I would have been sure to edge myself whether or not I had permission to.  I fully expected my libido to be down for a few more days, but I'm not.

I have read that some Mistress make sure their slaves get an orgasm just often enough to remind them of what they are missing.  Instead of a lifetime or year of denial they may give them monthly, quarterly or semi annual orgasms.  At first I thought that's what happened to me.  Being reminded of an orgasm makes me want another one.  However, I think just being intimate and being close to the edge is what has me going right now.  I had gone more than a couple weeks with zero stimulation and ten wham, 30-40 edges.  Being stimulated to the edge of orgasm is all I need to remember what an orgasm could feel like.  In fact, Mistress used to make me edge every morning just to keep me going.  We had even played with me unlocking before bed, edging in the morning and locking up all day until bed again.  The tease is so much more effective than the denial, and both combined...WOW.  I also think egding (self or forced) builds some stamina to avoid premature ejaculation.  Using my fingers also avoids premature ejaculation so there are alternatives.

Since this period of devoted extended chastity and devoted orgasm denial is new to me I am not trying to direct the flow of what is happening.  I am only trying to identity and communicate what is going on in my head and with my body.  I am thinking I want fewer and fewer orgasms, but with frequent edging (hopefully edging from my Mistress).  Either way this journey is very fun and I like exploring different options.  I have especially enjoyed pleasing Mistress, and really do think our last couple of sexual encounters have been some of our best.            

Awesome Sex and Resetting the Clock

Saturday night Mistress unlocked me so we could make love.  It had been 2.5 weeks since I had been out or had any stimulation of my cock.  I lasted much better than I thought I would which I am guessing is due to my desire not to cum, a little too much alcohol, as well as the late hour.  Mistress had me pleasure her with my cock and my fingers alternating back and forth.  She came at least 5 or 6 times and squirted all over the bed and my fingers many times.

This is our 2nd time being intimate since I have decided I want to experiment with no orgasms.  These last 2 times have been absolutely amazing for me.  Making sure Mistress is pleasured.  Making sure Mistress is having as many orgasms as she wishes.  Not having any focus on my pleasure.  It's been amazing for me and I'm hoping it's been amazing for her.  I am hoping she is starting to link my denial with her pleasure.  I am hoping she will become more selfish and demanding of me in bed.  Having me pleasure her several times a week before bed and not worrying one bit about my cock.  My need of having a dominant woman in my life would be met, so my cock wouldn't need anything.  I love the idea of being a true sex slave wither her pleasure being my only goal.

Much to my chagrin, Mistress made me cum after 4 weeks and 3 days of denial.  After several orgasms for her and many edges for me she decided I needed an orgasm.  I begged and pleaded for her to not let me cum for at least another month.  I promised to do anything to be denied and she refused.  I came.  It was about a 7 on a scale of 1-10.  I notice orgasms after a long period of denial are not as intense.  I suspect my mental state of not wanting to cum also had something to do with it.  Prior to me cumming I talked Mistress into letting me sleep unlocked as I thought it would help me sleep better.  In fact, I am so used to the device now, I think next time I should be locked up immediately after cumming.  Yesterday morning I put the device on immediately and I didn't feel like I experienced any post-orgasm let down.  I was super horny and would have given anything to have a repeat of Saturday night.

Today is another story.  It's the first time since December 17th I have wanted to be out.  My device annoyed me during my workout.  I am not looking forward to going in the field as I know the device will be a pain in the ass balls.  I want out.  Saying that, I remember a quote I have read a few times.  "It's not real chastity until you want out".  So today it's real chastity.   That being said, I am less let down than I thought I would be.  I am sure my change in mindset that chastity is not for me, it;s for Mistress helps.  To know she has full control over my cock and my orgasms is way fucking hot.  This is what I asked for.  Unfortunately the clock starts over for me.  I had really hoped to go 90 days without cumming which would be a record since puberty.

Right now my biggest fantasy is to draw Mistress a bath.  While she is bathing I set up the massage table in our bedroom.  I would be naked or dressed in something feminine but locked in chastity as my cock would not be needed.  I would light candles and warm some massage oil.  When Mistress is done in the bath, I would dry her and lay her down on the massage table face down.  I would get her as oiled as possible while working on her butt, back, legs, and arms.  I would get close to her asshole and pussy but purposely avoid it.  I would then have her turn over and massage her entire front before working on her pussy.  I would make her cum over and over again.  In between orgasms I would massage her shoulders, arms, feet and calves until she asked me to make her cum again.  This would go on as long as she wished.

My deeper fantasy is all of the above, but Mistress would be restrained so I can make her cum again and again without stopping in between. I would focus on her nipples and pussy until she was writhing.  I fantasize about driving her mad with sensations until she was such a mess she would give up and surrender.

        

Ups and Downs

The other day Mistress gave me some tasks.

• Plug yourself for a minimum of 2.5 hours
• Wear something naughty under your clothes today (and send me proof)
• Paint your fingernails a clear coat before heading out

I chose my prostate massager instead of my extra big plug to make it a little more interesting. Driving around every little bump in the road went straight to my prostate.  Since I haven't cum in over 4 weeks I thought I may be leaking some cum, but when I checked I wasn't.

I wore some fishnet suspender hose.  Between the hose, my cock being locked and my massager rubbing my prostate with every move, my mind was pretty much a hot mess.  I was very distracted and couldn't get my mind off of how naughty I was feeling.

Even after I was able to remove the massager, my chastity device and my stockings kept me in a very aroused state of mind.

After work I was going to meet Mistress at happy hour with her co-workers.  I came home to change clothes.  In the past I would have taken off the hose, but since I was still technically "out" I wasn't sure what to do.  I remembered that my new philosophy is to do the more submissive act if I have any doubts since I can't go wrong by over submitting.  I ended up wearing the hose until we got home later that evening.

On our way home, we ended up in a pretty strong argument.  The argument kept going after we went home and until we went to bed.  As much as I try to keep my macho side down, an argument is a sure way to bring it out.  As we were getting ready for bed, I felt conflicted about being in chastity.  I wanted to be the tough guy and not let her have one ounce of control over me.  I thought about asking to be let out of chastity.  I didn't ask because I was afraid she might actually be mad enough to do it, thereby fucking up our re-calibration experiment.  If I knew where the key was I might even have been tempted to let myself out, so I am very happy I have no clue where the key is.  

In the past being in chastity when we argued would put me in a tough place as my macho side really wants to take control.  I sucked it up and am very proud that I accepted my situation and resolved to stay locked up no matter what.  It was also a good mind fuck to be locked while we weren't getting along.  That is also another record for me.    

At the same time I am sad in one respect.  I chose not to wear my nighty.  I was already feeling unworthy due to the topic of our argument.  Putting on a nighty made me feel more unworthy than I was already feeling.  Also my macho side didn't want me to submit any more than I was by being locked.  

Waking up without my nighty made me mad at myself.  I wished I had worn it.  I think wearing it would have cemented in my head my full submission to Mistress.  This felt like an act of rebellion and I don't want to be that guy any more.  Had I not had these rebellious streaks 5 years ago we would be much further along in our D/s relationship. I imagine the day where she is able to use D/s as a tool to keep me in line.  I like to think that she could have ordered me into the extra bedroom (in my nighty) and I would have complied.  I like to think our D/s life could get to a point where she could order me into the dog cage or to go stand in a corner in the middle of an argument and I would do it.  I like to think that when we have contentious times she could order me to do anything and I would still obey.  So for those reasons I am mad at myself that I chose to not wear a nighty.  It's something I think I should be punished for, but also don't want to be a pushy bottom. 

As of now Mistress and I made our peace with each other.  We actually do a pretty good job of recovering from arguments.  I am happily locked, I wore my nighty last night and I am back to being an absolute hot mess in my mind and I love it.

I did have a short dream last night.  In my dream I needed to go to the bathroom.  I was locked in chastity and wearing a humiliating sissy dress with tons of layers.

I was trying to find my device under the layers so that I could go to the bathroom.  I would find my locked cock but kept losing it in all the layers.  I woke up and my cock was throbbing.  I was thinking that I might have been having a wet dream but after checking I was perfectly dry.  As frustrating as it can be, this is the fun part of denial!

    

P.S.  When I found that picture I also saw this naugthy jewelry http://www.barbisatin.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=113

Counting days

I spend a lot of time counting days lately.  Tomorrow will be 4 weeks and Sunday will be one month since I have had an orgasm.  It is currently the longest I have gone without an orgasm in 8 or 9 years.  I have been in chastity 19 days which is the longest I have ever been locked up.  It's been 13 days since I have been close to the edge and that long since I have been able to be aroused without discomfort.  Again, another record.

It may sound like I am complaining, but quite the contrary.  I am amazed by it really.  Being locked certainly has its challenges, but with Mistress' encouragement and my own goals I am pushing ahead and enjoying it.  My fantasies are consumed with the thought of pleasuring Mistress.  Of giving her long massages.  Of giving her multiple orgasms however she wishes.  Of having my face buried in her pussy or the dildo gag in my mouth and my nose getting soaked in her juices. Of her using my cock for her pleasure without letting me cum.  Of me being inside her while we work to train me to pleasure her time after time without me being pushed past the edge.

My desire to go as long as possible without cumming is not about not having sex.  In fact I want as much sex with Mistress as possible. I want to see if the Tantric and Taoist theory's about being able to orgasm without ejaculation are possible.  I want to be a hot mess whenever Mistress uses me.  I want to feel pride and despair at the same time when Mistress makes me lock back up right after she has cum a dozen times and soaked the sheets.  I want to hear her taunting me of the orgasms she has without me.  I want to make her cum and cum and cum until she is exhausted.  I want to be teased until I am in tears and locked back up.

I am now at a point that if I had an orgasm, I would feel it was a punishment.  To go this far and to have to start back at zero would be devastating.  I get a certain amount of sub-drop or post orgasm drop after I cum and I can only imagine it would be a hundred times worse now.  Although I know ruined orgasms or prostate milking minimize the emotional drop and allow a sub to get back into that sub-space much quicker, even the slightest bit of release seems like would be more frustrating than the frustration I feel of not cumming.

I have no idea if what I just wrote makes any sense.  My mind is a bit of a mess.  My cock went hard a dozen times while writing that my brain is stewing in hormones.  I am in heaven!

 

The Key

Mistress didn't want to lose the key to my device, so it's sitting in the kitchen drawer.  It's not hidden as we recently had an issue with the key and don't want to lose it.  Eventually I would like to keep it in a lock box, but the one we have is currently being used for guests.  That being said it's a mind fuck to know where the key is and to have to have the self discipline to not use it.  A real mind fuck.

There is a little devil in my ear telling me to let myself out until this afternoon and relock just before Mistress comes home.  He tells me that even though I can let myself out that I still can't touch myself, or can I?   That same devil is telling me how I can wear whatever I want under my clothes since I will have the freedom to wear something tight and feminine.

Then another little devil whispers in my other ear about being faithful to this experience.  It tells me to read all I have written over the last couple weeks.  How much I have enjoyed learning to submit.  It's not about the device as much as it is about the concept of the device, to be locked no matter what.  To give complete control over to my Mistress and how important to me that is.  To truly be her slave.

With both devils in my ear I have to admit I am a little insecure this morning.  Does Mistress like me locked?  Does it still give her a rush to see my locked cock sticking out from my nighty?  Does it make her wet to think about me not being able to touch myself?  Is the control important to her or is she just placating me?  I hate feeling insecure about my submissiveness.  It's one of those things that makes my macho side rear its ugly head.

Switching gears, I had another gay sex dream last night.  There was a younger guy and from what I remember we were in a bar.  I called him a cutie (which is weird because there was nothing cute about him).  The next part of the dream is I remember being in a room and me having him on his back, legs together and I was fucking him in the ass, but as I did it I went soft.  I pulled out of him and my cock was only half hard.  I remember leaving the room but didn't dressed as I wanted to clean off first and couldn't.  He wanted me to stay and I didn't.  I then woke up wishing I hadn't had a dream like that.  I've had two dreams like this in the last year which are the only ones I can ever remember having.  I think Mistress' wish to see me with a man is allowing my brain to at least try it out.  I can only imagine if she was pushing the idea with videos, images and other conditioning.  The mind is an amazing thing.



      

Setting Records

I am currently setting some personal records when it comes to chastity and orgasm denial.  Other than a couple short times out of my device, I have been locked for 16 days straight and 10 days without being released for even one second.  I am pretty certain I have only been locked for 7-10 days before.  As much as I have written over the years about how uncomfortable chastity is I think it's because I never gave it enough time.  I have noticed over the last few days that I can't feel the device like I used to.  The chaffing has subsided and the constant need to adjust is gone.  There are times my brain knows I am locked, but I truly can't feel anything.  I was afraid I was going numb, but it appears I have simply gotten used to it.  I still wish I could feel my cock when I want to, but not feeling it is a constant reminder of my place.  We will see if it stays this way next week as we get back to normal life after the holidays.

Another record is the length of time I have gone without an orgasm with Mistress.  I am currently at 24 days since  have cum.  Looking back at my orgasm log  ORGASM TRACKER my previous record was 19 days and that was last January and into February.  This time is certainly different for me as I truly want to be sexual with Mistress, but I don't want to cum.  The chemicals running through my body right now are like a powerful drug.

Lastly I have worn a nighty for the last 16 nights and I am pretty sure I have never worn one 16 nights without weaseling my way out of at least one night.

I have to admit over the last couple days of wanting to be released from chastity.  When we had some company, we had a bunch of things to do around the house.  I was going to ask for release to make things easier but decided against it.  Looking back I am glad I didn't ask.  I got through it and now it makes me proud to have endured when I didn't want to.  It also kind of hot mentally to think I was locked when we had so many people here.  I was also going to ask to be unlocked yesterday when I manscaped.  One of the frequent things you read with guys in chastity is to be let out to clean and shave.  I can certainly clean myself (especially in a bath) and with a little extra effort I can shave while still locked up.  Again I am happy I didn't ask to be released as much as I wanted it.  It reaffirms in my mind that doing things I don't think I want to do end up being a turn on for me.

Mistress recently started her period.  It reminds me of something I have seen on a couple blogs.  When the Mistress starts her period, her slave is to go into chastity and remain there until her period ends.  It's to remind him to be aware of her situation as well as to make sure he shares in her discomfort.  Some even go as far as to have their man wear panty liners as a reminder.  Humiliating but I'm sure it's effective.

In short, I am setting records only because I have truly submitted.  It takes a certain mindset to have your cock locked for weeks as well as not orgasming. Especially when my mind is so focused on being sexual.  To be able to not only endure, but to look forward to additional denial is new for me.  For the first time in my life I feel like I am truly submitting and accepting what happens instead of forcing things.  
 

Conditioning

Last night Mistress mentioned she might soon free my cock and not let me make me wear a nighty so that I will sleep in which in turn lets her sleep in.

A nighty I forgot how much I like.  Comfortable and cute with just the right amount of erotic humiliation

The thing is I am now conditioned to be in this state.  I am linking chastity to this amazing feeling I get whenever I think about it.  I am wearing my nighty under my clothes right now because of the chemicals pumping through my brain makes it feel so good.  By changing my mindset, I am relishing the thoughts of servicing Mistress, chastity, orgasm denial and extended feminization.  I have allowed myself to believe this will go on for a long time, so to think it will be taken away (even for a short while) is kind of a mind fuck.  Of course I will do whatever Mistress wants but wanted her to know I am still doing amazingly well with being locked up for so long.

This got me thinking about conditioning in general.      

Conditioning: to bring (something) into the desired state for use.

Conditioning is a behavioral process whereby a response becomes more frequent or more predictable in a given environment as a result of reinforcement, with reinforcement typically being a stimulus or reward for a desired response.

Conditioning is a form of learning in which either (1) a given stimulus (or signal) becomes increasingly effective in evoking a response or (2) a response occurs with increasing regularity in a well-specified and stable environment.

Conditioning is something that is in every single relationship.  In a vanilla relationship there are verbal and physical ways a person can get their partner to behave.  A man might come home and he will hang up his coat and put his things away.  He didn't do this when they first started living together, but he has been conditioned to do it.  Or how a certain look can get the other partner to change what they were doing.  These are all learned responses.

I have been thinking about conditioning in a D/s relationship.  There are many articles, mostly about training, but not a lot of real world examples.  Here are some that I found that was male submissive focused.

• Classical conditioning works on a subconscious level. If you experience A and B at the same time, and A causes C, then after enough paired repetitions, B will cause C. For example, if you jerk a man off while licking his nipples, and only lick his nipples when jerking him off, eventually you can give him an erection just by licking his nipples. The possibilities are endless.

• My favorite thing to do is to condition a sub to want something he wouldn't normally want, something that pushes or tests his limits. With enough work you can get him to anticipate and even ask for such things. Pick something within your pet’s hard limits he wouldn’t want, something he would never ask for. Perhaps something you use as a punishment that you happen to enjoy. Maybe just something humiliating. When playing with your sub, and I mean physically stimulating him in some way, tell him what you are going to do to him. Don’t be skimpy on the details, elaborate as best you can. You want his mind focused on it. After you go through the of details of how, tell him what it’s going to feel like. You can repeat yourself if you run out of things to say about it. Keep him as hard as you can while you’re telling him all this. When your sub is all worked up and eager for orgasm, and fully anticipating his fate, make him ask for it. Don’t give in though, make him keep asking. After a little while, make him beg for it. Tell him to make it convincing. Have him tell you how much he wants it, and why. Only once you are really convinced do you follow through. This works surprisingly fast compared to the other examples because it uses a secondary trick. Just as people who are forced to smile tend to feel happy even if they weren’t happy before, a person begs for something, finds themselves really wanting it.

• Allow your slave to play with himself when sucking your strapon only. After awhile your slave will be aroused by the thought of sucking cock. Any cock.

• Have your sissy watch gay-porn if you want your sissy to get bi-curious. Dress her up, talk in her ear about what you see and keep her on edge constantly during the scenes. You'll condition her to like it.

• This is not mandatory, but will speed up the success you will have in your training.  Google Femdom, cross dressing, sissy, or cock sucking hypnosis and find all that you can find.  Preview the files before putting them on his phone so you know what kind of training you would like him to have.  Try to build this library up all the time, and find the best ones that suit your training style and require him to listen to them every night and/or morning.

• My sub-hubby has been conditioned to be aroused only when he can smell my pussy.  Whenever we have sex, a tease and denial session or if I allow him to masturbate he must be breathing my scent through his nose.  Anytime his cock is being stimulated he either has his face in my pussy or he has a pair of my dirty panties over his nose.  I have done this long enough that he can no longer get off and sometimes he can't even get an erection without the smell of my pussy.  I own his brain!

• Frequent use of the strap-on, coupled with extended chastity can have the effect of essentially re-wiring the pleasure centers in his brain. By stimulating his prostate, while denying him any direct stimulation of his penis, he will, over time, begin to associate his own sexual pleasure with anal penetration.  What you want to do, about once every twenty days, is release him from chastity, proceed to fuck him with the strap-on and give him a good hard fucking. Initially you will stroke his cock a lot.  You want him to cum like that while you’re still all up in his ass. After his penis goes soft, immediately lock him back up. He needs to feel that immediate authority from you. As time goes on  you will reduce the amount of direct cock stimulation he gets until he is cumming from the strap-on only.  Keep this up and he will, over time, go from resisting the strap-on, to tolerating it, to enjoying it, to craving it. But only if you keep his penis locked up 24/7 and don’t otherwise allow him to cum. If you have the patience and determination to maintain the discipline, you will see how effective it is. After a while, he’ll start putting his ass up for you frequently and spontaneously, like a bitch in heat, because he needs and wants that stimulation. You can effectively cause the same physical/psychological conditioning regarding him sucking cock, if you want to. It’s a little more complicated, but can be just as effective. I’m currently in the process of doing exactly this with my hubby. By the end of the summer, my goal is to get him to the point where he associates sucking cock with his own orgasmic relief.

Stuff running through my mind

Instead of a topic, this post is just a bunch or random stuff going through my mind.

I was given a list of tasks today.  I enjoy being able to help Mistress with things she feels need to be done.  On top of it she added the kinky task of my butt plug.  2 times in less than a week.  I feel very fortunate.  I also vacuumed the house as I know Mistress wanted it done even though she didn't ask me to.

Chastity is still going very, very well.  I don't know my record being locked up, but believe it's in the 10-14 day range.  I have gone far longer without cumming, but that doesn't really count any longer.    Normally I feel sorry for myself or get pissy because I am not getting other D/s, but my mindset has changed.  For some reason, chastity feels right this time around.  I mention this to let Mistress know I am really ok with staying locked up or released for some fun and locked right back up.  If this changes or I am having issues, I will communicate and not let it build up.

Nighty.  Mistress is continuing to have me wear a nighty.  Here is last night's.  This one is a little tight but it certainly goes straight to my head.  I have been in such a mood the last 3 days I have worn my nighty long after I woke up.  It's too cold to wear it by itself, but I put my pajama pants and shirt on over the nighty.  I am able to still feel the straps and the bottom of the nighty.  It makes me feel very naughty.  I imagine having to wear my nighty under my clothes some nights before Mistress gets home from work as well when I get up.  In the summer, nighty only.

Errands.  With the mood I am in I can sexualize just about anything.  When I go to the dry cleaners I imagine Mistress only having me drop off my feminine clothes.  Or even worse, just one item that clearly is a little slutty and in my size.   At Walmart or Costco, I imagine Mistress telling me to buy something feminine with the other things.  Today they had women's Speedo one piece swimsuits at Costco.  I imagined having one that I would have to wear in our hot tub.

Orgasm without ejaculation.  I have been doing a lot of reading on this topic and it seems like it's something that can occur with some practice.  The best part is that it seems multiple orgasms can be achieved.  I can only imagine the mindset I would have going months without post orgasm let down.

Massage.  Mouth, fingers and toys.  Until I am up to a stage where I can orgasm without cumming, I have thought A LOT about serving Mistress with my hands, mouth, and toys.  I want to tease (in a good way to build up an orgasm).  I want to make her write with pleasure and squirt all over.  I want to be able to know her body like I never have so that she can derive the most amazing pleasure.  And the best part is my needs don't matter.  If she wants my cock in her, I will do that.  If she wants me locked up I will do that.  I just want to make her cum over and over and over again until she is spent.  

Communication.  Mistress warned me the other day that she would need time to ramp up into more of a D/s mindset.  I completely understand.  I tend to get over excited, however this time around I have a different mindset.  I have no preconceived notions of things happening.  I want to enjoy my chastity and denial and focus that energy into pleasing and serving Mistress.  I am excited to focus on Mistress pleasure sexually, and while I still want intercourse I'm hoping to delay my next ejaculation as long as possible.  I can appreciate Mistress wanting to take getting back into D/s slow.  To help me with it, I just need a little bit of encouragement.  Tasks, picking out my nighty or other naughty items, and occasionally bringing up my situation in a naughty way will go a long way.  I get mentally insecure, so for me to know I am doing something that turns Mistress on in some way is a great way to take away any doubt I may have.

     

Adding a 3rd person

In the past, Mistress and I have discussed adding a 3rd person occasionally to our play.  Mistress is bi-sexual, and has played with women as well as group sex in the past.  Most of our conversations have revolved around her and another woman dominating me.  I have encouraged her plenty of times to have a girl on the side.  We kind of perused it years ago, but a one-night stand is more likely than her having an actual relationship.

Mistress will occasionally let me know that she would love to see me with a guy.  I am not bi-sexual.  I can certainly look at a guy and see that he has a good body or that he is good looking.  What I can't do is make the jump from thinking a guy is nice looking to wanting to do something sexual with a guy.  For the most part I think guys are kind of gross.  I don't like body hair which is one reason I shave.  I think cum is disgusting. Even if I could clone myself, I wouldn't have sex with me.

So where does this put us?  I can certainly imagine us occasionally playing with a woman.  Hiring a professional escort or Domme would make sense as it avoids the issue of emotional connections.  A great example is found on this blog Girl Sex with the Escort!!!!   Also, starting with a woman would break me into the idea of a 3rd person as I have never had that before.

But what about a guy???  I can't rule it out.  Mistress has been great at fulfilling my fantasies.  I would like to fulfill hers as well.  I try to keep an open mind and imagine how it would look.  Whenever I imagine it, it is somewhat of a process.  It starts with Mistress and I going deeper into a D/s relationship.  We would be going through some of my softer limits, getting me used to the idea of getting to my hard limits.  Some of my semi hard limits would be piss play, cross-dressing in public, etc.  Be crossing these limits and me being ok, would allow me to more easily consider crossing my hard limits.   She would be using a psychological term called conditioning.  The idea of conditioning would be to tie my pleasure to an idea.  The more I can link my pleasure to the idea of another gut the more likely it could happen.  Some ways I imagine she could use conditioning.

• During our teasing sessions she would tell me of her fantasies of me with men
• Any time I was let out of chastity I would have to be plugged.
• The only time she would stroke my cock is if I had a dildo in my mouth or ass
• Our fucking machine
• All edging would be with Mistress using her strapon.  The goal to make me cum from anal sex alone.
• Tying me down and making me watch gay porn while teasing me
• Making me perform oral sex on dildos before I was allowed to be unlocked
• Mistress pointing out men to me she would like to see me with
• Going to gay bars
• Cum eating, cum cubes, simulated cum, etc.
• Making me write male on male stories
• Finding an online Mater to get me used to sexual interaction with a male.
• "sissy conditioning" - Goole has many hits
• Erotic Hypnosis

In short we are a long way from doing something like this if we ever will.  It will take some time, but with a D/s dynamic I can see it possibly happening somewhere down the line.  

Semen Retention

My recent post on chastity in non-kink relationships had me doing more research.  One of the commentators on that blog mentioned something called "semen retention".  The short version means "no ejaculation".  The long version is that by not ejaculating you retain sexual energy which has many benefits.  Additionally, the term is for ejaculation only, it doesn't mean the man doesn't orgasm.  This practice separates the orgasm from ejaculation so that the man still has orgasms (in some cases multiple orgasms), but by not ejaculating he doesn't have the post-ejaculation let down.  I am still trying to wrap my head around cumming without cumming, but it does sound exciting.

This concept is not new.  Taoists in China have have taught semen retention for centuries.  There are different versions.  One where the man ejaculates infrequently (21 days to 3-6 months), or a different version where he never comes or never gets close to the edge.  The later version also can involve a woman, and she never gets close to the edge either.  They tout it as a more spiritual way of love making.  My goal is to make sure Mistress has as many orgasms as possible so we won't be practicing that one.

Most of the info I found was a non-kinky variety, which adds credibility for me.  As I have practiced orgasm denial for many years, I was surprised how much of what I get out of it, is what non-kink people get out of it.  The thing that surprised me the most was the amount of sleep one needs.  After long periods of orgasm denial I can't sleep a full night.  I thought that was a bad thing.  It turns out, one of the supposed benefits of not cumming is actually needing less sleep due to increased energy.

As I said, I have enjoyed orgasm denial for some time.  However D/s is a big part of my sexuality.  To make orgasm denial more D/s oriented, wearing a chastity device fits the bill.  Being unlocked for only one purpose (to pleasure my Mistress) makes me feel even more submissive.

The most exciting part of this is the possibility of having orgasms without cumming.  I remember when I was a kid and learning about my body.  I learned to masturbate before I was old enough to ejaculate.  I could go forever.  When I had my first orgasm, I was excited because I was becoming mature, but I was also bummed that I had to stop masturbating as soon as I came.  Recently Mistress had me tied to the bed.  She had me on the edge and was using the Hitachi on the area between my balls and butt.  She managed to keep me from cumming and looking back I was likely having orgasms.  It was incredibly intense and if I can learn to do that while we are having sex, I will be a very lucky man.

To conclude, semen retention is something I really want to explore.  Semen retention doesn't mean we are not having sex.  If anything it means we are having lots of sex whether it be intercourse, oral sex, or masturbation.  To train me to be able to have sex, have orgasms and not ejaculate would be a huge win for us as a couple.  Even if we don't get to the point of me having ejaculation free orgasms, I can see no benefit for us as a couple for me to ejaculate more than a handful of times a year.  

http://authentictantra.com/semen-retention-and-how-it-will-change-your-life/

http://www.therooster.com/blog/it-hurts-us-say-here-are-11-good-reasons-why-men-should-stop-orgasming

http://deviwardtantra.com/magical-power-semen-retention/

http://scandalouswomen.com/orgasmic-benefits-of-male-orgasm-denial/

http://deviward.me/2011/01/11/semen-retention-what-is-it-why-bother/

OMG!

It has now been a little over 2 weeks since I have had an orgasm, and 8 days I have been in chastity.  I am riding a wave of sexual energy that has me on cloud-9.  When I think of chastity and orgasm denial this is what it is about.

I have to give Mistress a lot of credit.  Her "recalibration" email was done perfectly at the perfect time.  I have gone back and read emails from 5 years ago after we first met.  Had I not been so difficult, we would be much deeper into D/s than we currently are.  Reading those emails has me committed to doing what it takes to make it happen.  Looking back, Mistress had all the right ideas.  She had rules, protocols, she asked lots of questions and would remind me of what I had asked for.  That being said, I am committing to getting us to where we should be.  It was me that messed it up so it's me that needs to fix it.  I need to submit like I never have and do things without question.  

Mistress and I recently spent a couple nights away from home.  We had a couple days to talk about where things are headed.  I confessed that I thought Mistress has been far to kind with allowing me to orgasm.  Going back through a lot of those emails, I realized some of our best sex was when I didn't cum.  It took a long time to convince her back then that I didn't need to cum.  I remember her trying to make me cum and me refusing.  We had a ton of great sex we were both satisfied.  My favorite was to give her multiple orgasms and then to have her push me off and tell me she was done with me.  To me that was the epitome of a female led relationship.

I communicated that while wearing my chastity device was somewhat difficult, I am committed to being locked up for as long as possible.  While I am pretty good at being chaste without a device, the device enforces the D/s aspect of our relationship.  Also, now that I have changed my mindset regarding a device, it is easier to wear.  I confessed to Mistress that I can imagine my cock being locked for the rest of my life, only to be let out for her pleasure.  I can imagine being unlocked almost daily, just long enough to make love to Mistress and when she has had her fill of orgasms I would be immediately locked up.  I can imagine never touching my cock again.  All of my pleasure would come from Mistress.  I wouldn't become one of the chastity slaves that cum when the wind blows.  I would be a chastity slave can make Mistress cum again and again while holding my own orgasm back.

All of this talk got Mistress and I worked up.  We headed back to our room and proceeded to get naked.  I begged Mistress to not unlock me as I wanted to make sure I pleased her and I also didn't want to accidentally cum.  Much to my surprise Mistress let me go down on her.  Oral sex is something Mistress rarely lets me do.  Some guy in her past fucked it up for her and that is a shame.  As a submissive male, giving oral sex huge.  Giving oral sex and using my fingers while my cock is locked up is priceless.  To me, kissing and licking her pussy should be a frequent occurrence. She has some concerns about the scent.  Scent is an incredibly powerful trigger for me.  Scent has a way of getting to the brain more than any other stimuli. For me, the smell of leaves on the ground in the fall takes me back to junior high.  Scent is one thing you see me posting about frequently.  Thinking of having a pair of Mistress dirty panties or tights stretched over my nose while my mouth is taped closed makes my head spin.  Spending hours between Mistress legs does the same for me.  

Mistress did order me to unlock and put my cock inside her.  For the most part I was able to pleasure her with my cock, but frequently had to stop so that I didn't cum.  I was so happy she didn't order me to orgasm.  I managed to give Mistress many orgasms, mostly with my fingers.  She came so hard and squirted so much that it reminded me of the old days.  I love watching her cum.  I love making love to her.  I love pleasing her sexually.  As we "recalibrate" I would like to spend much more time pleasuring Mistress.  I want to re-learn her body.  I want to make her cum and cum and cum.  Since I am committed to not having an orgasm for quite some time, I want to focus that energy on her.

When Mistress was fulfilled, she ordered me to clean off and to lock myself back in chastity.  I was happy to do so.  Even though I didn't cum, I was incredibly satisfied with the sex.  I felt fulfilled as a submissive and by not cumming I am still as turned on without any let down.

While Mistress and I were getting ready for dinner she asked me my thoughts on playing with a 3rd person.  We have spoken about this many times in the past so it wasn't a surprise.  I will post about that in another post as I want this post to be about pleasing Mistress.  

  

 

Revving Up

Last night I woke up around 1 AM with a raging hard on that made sleeping near impossible.  I felt so naughty in my nighty with my cock straining against my chastity device.  Every time I moved I felt naughtier.  I tried to distract myself with thoughts of work or home improvement or practicing some gambling for an upcoming trip.  For the most part I could only distract myself for a few minutes at a time before I was reminded of my situation.  It was frustrating, but a very, very hot frustration.

At 2 AM I had to get up and let the dog out.  I kept my nighty on as I walked through the house looking for my robe.  If someone was looking they could have seen me, but it was too early.  Either way I felt so self aware and slutty walking around the house like that.


This morning Mistress left early and I woke up to am email telling me to be plugged for at least 2 hours.  I woke up so horny, I plugged myself immediately.  I kept my nighty on, knelt on the floor and rested my chest on the tub so I could insert my big plug.  I was soooo tight.  I love the full feeling and hate the emptiness that comes when I remove it.  Moving around I can feel it rub against my prostate.  I felt like such a slut that I kept my nighty on while I right this.  It's cold, so I am wearing a robe, but I am sitting on my plug stuffed ass, in a nighty, in chastity while I did my other assigned tasks and while I write this.  I have to run an errand before 8:30 which is the soonest I can take my plug out, so I will have to wear it to the hardware store.  I love being such a slut.  I just wish we didn't have people coming over today.  I would love to slut all over the house today...I don't go back to work until Jan 4th, so maybe I will have some time.

I ran my errand.  I was so sub-spacey walking around the hardware store.  My eyes wanted to roll back in my head as my prostate got rubbed.  I loved being locked as well.  I should have thrown on a bra just to complete the effect.  I am so worked up.  Unfortunately, my ass is a little out of training so I will make it to 3 hours and will take it out wishing I didn't have to.

  

The last 24 hours has had me seriously considering long term chastity.  By changing my mindset I have taken it from a chore to something more like a gift to my Mistress.  My current device was state of the art 8 years ago, but the device that traps the balls to keep it on, is a dated design especially for someone with a pierced cock.  I have come across a few devices that seem to have all the benefits of a device without any of the down sides.  Essentially they cover the head and foreskin of the cock.  Between the tightness when hard and the lack of stimulation, it prevents orgasm.  The nice thing is it doesn't tug and pinch a million different ways.  Men report it being the most comfortable device they have ever worn.  If Mistress decides to keep me locked indefinitely, it would be something to pursue.

Ruined Orgasms

Just some ruined orgasm stuff that has my mind spinning.

Nice description - http://ruinedorgasm.tumblr.com/post/133197697924/hardonebattle

I dream of this...

Who Knew?

In my list of sites I like to keep up on, I came across a blog someone was following and commented on.  It's a blog written from a Christian wife's perspective.  They are not in a D/s relationship and there is no "porn" aspect to her postings.  She is no prude.  She teases him and makes sure he is always aware of his situation, they just don't get into the kinky part of chastity.  It's a matter of fact blog about how and why they ended up using male chastity.

Essentially she found out her husband was masturbating a lot and had nothing left for her.  She also felt she had to perform sexually for him.  By using chastity he now performs for her.  In the past she used to give blow jobs as she believed taking care of his needs was her Christian duty as a wife.  Now he services her (mainly while locked).  She also commented on how a lot of women don't like guys going down on them, because they feel like they have to reciprocate and go down on him.  With chastity they no longer have to reciprocate and in turn can enjoy receiving oral sex.  He comes so infrequently she has to put numbing cream and a condom on him when she wants penetrative sex without him cumming too fast.        

I used to be a chronic masturbator.  However over the years I have learned that I like the feeling of "wanting" an orgasm more than getting an orgasm.  Since I also don't like wearing a device I am pretty darn good with the honor system.  Being in chastity a few times over the last couple months I have learned of one downside to the honor system.  It's that I can easily slip into no desire for sex or arousal.  If I get busy, or have some other interest come up, sexuality can easily take a back seat.  By being in a device, there is absolutely no way for sexuality to take a back seat.  I can be typing, driving, moving boxes, watching TV, cooking, reading, talking to a customer, essentially no matter what I do I am thinking about my locked cock which triggers my sexuality.

For me chastity has been a kink.  D/s is a part of who I am so I will always need it in some way.  That being said, I took a lot of interest in her writing.  There is a mindset of hers that I can use when I am locked up.  Mainly that I will be locked up because it's important to my Mistress.  She isn't "making" me do it, she is asking me to do it and I want to do it for her.  If I do it with love in my heart, knowing what it does to me, it's a win-win for both of us.

In conclusion, I always feel I am a little weird between my desire for D/s, femdom, feminization, chastity, etc.  After a little more research, chastity seems to have transcended the kink world and is a little more mainstream and normal than I ever would have guessed.  I feel a little less weird than I did before I found this blog,

A post of hers - http://mychastehubby.blogspot.com/2015/08/10-outside-box-teasing-ideas.html

Chastity, Feminization, Humiliation and internet stuff

I just wanted to take a few minutes to share some thoughts during the last couple days.

Chastity.  In the past I would be locked up as a punishment, or to prevent touching when we are apart, but mostly as punishment.  Mistress hasn't communicated why I am locked up, so I am calling it "because I said so", which I find pretty fucking hot.  Last night we went to a party and Mistress asked if I could wear a certain pair of jeans while locked.  I told her I could but I would certainly take any opportunity to be out.  While one side of me appreciates the gesture of being released the other half feels it's my job to take it even if it is uncomfortable. I wear baggy pants for working around the house and running errands, but can certainly be in chastity in tight jeans while sitting for a meal, hanging out a friends house, going to a movie or standing at a party.  As soon as I got up this morning I put on my device.  I wanted to show Mistress that I am submitting no matter what.  If I have to debate whether or not I should do something submissive or not, I will just assume the answer is yes, I need to submit.

Nighties.  As much as I like to think wearing a nighty every night makes it normal and it loses it's edge, it doesn't.  No matter how much into feminization I get into I can;t every imagine it feeling "normal" to me, nor do I want it to.  I like the erotic humiliation I feel.  I love/hate how I feel in the morning when I walk into our bathroom in the morning and Mistress sees me in a nighty.  It's a great mind fuck.

Humiliation.  I have been thinking about this a lot, especially as it pertains to chastity and feminization.  As I was reading emails from 5 years ago, when I first revealed my feminine side to Mistress, I was reminded of her making me show her my entire wardrobe.  She made me try on every single thing and decided what I could keep and what I had to donate to goodwill.  She made me get rid of the really slutty stuff and focused on things that made me look sexy.  Playing that back in my mind, I remember the humiliation and how much I loved it.  I think of Mistress making me do the same thing again, just for the humiliation aspect.  I think of her making my lie on top of the covers in my nighty for a bit before bed, since I currently hide myself under them.  I think of having to get up and change into girls clothes, even if it's and a girls shirt (bra added of course).  I think of her making comments when I am locked in chastity.  Things like "how does it feel to not be able to feel your cock?", "Don't you wish you could get a hard on?", "You liked being locked up for me don't you?".  "you deserve chastity don't you?"  "I had an orgasm today, thinking about you locked up for me." I dream about her frequently rubbing my device or making me open my pants to show her or making me post pictures of me in chastity.  The mental aspect of this is just as exciting as the physical.

To end, here are some postings that really spoke to me on Friday.

I have frequently thought about Mistress cuckolding me with another woman.  This 2 part story is probably one of the hottest I have ever read, and I think a lot of it is because I am pretty sure it;s true and not some dude's fantasy.  This is the same woman that I quote frequently.

Part one Husband Punished by Wife in front of Escort
Part two Girl Sex with the Escort!!!!

A blog post...

I believe we are at the two week mark today.  Two weeks of chastity and denial for him.

Two weeks of fantastic orgasms and borderline-sadistic torturing for me.

Last night was no exception. He knows he is not allowed to have an orgasm and must beg me to stop whatever I am doing to prevent that or be punished. I rode him until I was satisfied, then made him ride my Feeldoe until he was edged to my satisfaction.

Then, with him cuffed and collared, I used my vibrator on his incredibly sensitive cock until he was literally writhing and begging me to stop before he was unable to control himself any longer.

I kissed him on the forehead and went to sleep, leaving him a molten mess - which, truth be told, is exactly where he longs to be.

Frustrated to the edge of insanity. – KH

A picture...

This must be the best ruined orgasm I have seen.  It's like a full 5 seconds from when she quits stroking him to him spurting.

            

Thoughts over the last few days

I am back from my road trip.  Last night when I got home, I was fully expecting to have my nighty and chastity device laid our for me.  All that was laid out for me was my nighty.  I was relieved and at the same time a teeny bit disappointed.  While I obviously don't want to be in chastity, I do want to be controlled and there are not many better ways than chastity to control someone.

This morning my device was on my vanity and with no discussion I started to put it on.  I double checked that I was supposed to as I didn't want to be a pushy bottom.  Just writing these few sentences has my cock straining in its metal prison.  What's unique this time is I know I am locked, but beyond that I have no more information about my chastity status.  That's hot.  

Looking back over my trip.  We have had so much going on for so long that I haven't done any real edging.  That changed the last few days. I was so horny fantasizing about what Mistress could have made me do that I got myself very worked up.  On past trips Mistress would usually give me an orgasm before I left and required me to masturbate to completion (and record it) while I was gone.  I am certain this was to keep my libido in check.  This time there was none of that.  My last orgasm was last Thursday night.  Since Mistress didn't drain my balls I got myself into quite the mental frenzy.  I had these fantasies as soon as I left but didn't want to reveal them while I was gone for fear of having to do them.  Many of my edges were thinking of Mistress giving me masturbation instructions.  Recording myself masturbating in my hand and making me eat it (or making me do it on video chat).  I would be so hard for me to do with me hundreds of miles away.  The drop in my libido along with how much I hate cum as well as the humiliation of recording it or being watched.  I would only do it knowing the consequences of not doing it.  I also fantasized of recording myself cumming with my legs up and behind me so that my cock was pointed straight at my face and make me cum all over my face and in my mouth.  I imagined her making me stand naked (or in a bra and panties) at my hotel window for 5-10 minutes while she watched me on Face Time.  I am not an exhibitionist so even 5 minutes would feel like an eternity.

For additional ideas to edge to I went back through some old emails of ours from 5 years ago.  January of 2011 is when I started revealing my feminine desires.  The stories we shared, the support Mistress gave me.  As much as she likes me in nighties and other feminine clothes, it's hard to believe she never thought about feminizing a guy until I introduced it to her.  I really loved wearing naughty things under my clothes for our dates.

The hardest part of reading those emails is that we really were on our way to a fairly hard-core 24/7 dynamic.  Had I not been so difficult I can only dream how much of a slave I would be today.  Being freshly out of a bad marriage, I fought certain aspects of submitting fully to Mistress.  I made it too much work and added to much uncertainty to someone that was really embracing a Female Led Relationship.  I wish I could go back 5 years and tell that guy to submit fully.  Being that we have such a good relationship now, and Mistress knowing me so well, I'm looking forward to our recalibration.  There will be some challenges but the reward will be worth it.  I am so in love.