Ups and Downs

The other day Mistress gave me some tasks.

• Plug yourself for a minimum of 2.5 hours
• Wear something naughty under your clothes today (and send me proof)
• Paint your fingernails a clear coat before heading out

I chose my prostate massager instead of my extra big plug to make it a little more interesting. Driving around every little bump in the road went straight to my prostate.  Since I haven't cum in over 4 weeks I thought I may be leaking some cum, but when I checked I wasn't.

I wore some fishnet suspender hose.  Between the hose, my cock being locked and my massager rubbing my prostate with every move, my mind was pretty much a hot mess.  I was very distracted and couldn't get my mind off of how naughty I was feeling.

Even after I was able to remove the massager, my chastity device and my stockings kept me in a very aroused state of mind.

After work I was going to meet Mistress at happy hour with her co-workers.  I came home to change clothes.  In the past I would have taken off the hose, but since I was still technically "out" I wasn't sure what to do.  I remembered that my new philosophy is to do the more submissive act if I have any doubts since I can't go wrong by over submitting.  I ended up wearing the hose until we got home later that evening.

On our way home, we ended up in a pretty strong argument.  The argument kept going after we went home and until we went to bed.  As much as I try to keep my macho side down, an argument is a sure way to bring it out.  As we were getting ready for bed, I felt conflicted about being in chastity.  I wanted to be the tough guy and not let her have one ounce of control over me.  I thought about asking to be let out of chastity.  I didn't ask because I was afraid she might actually be mad enough to do it, thereby fucking up our re-calibration experiment.  If I knew where the key was I might even have been tempted to let myself out, so I am very happy I have no clue where the key is.  

In the past being in chastity when we argued would put me in a tough place as my macho side really wants to take control.  I sucked it up and am very proud that I accepted my situation and resolved to stay locked up no matter what.  It was also a good mind fuck to be locked while we weren't getting along.  That is also another record for me.    

At the same time I am sad in one respect.  I chose not to wear my nighty.  I was already feeling unworthy due to the topic of our argument.  Putting on a nighty made me feel more unworthy than I was already feeling.  Also my macho side didn't want me to submit any more than I was by being locked.  

Waking up without my nighty made me mad at myself.  I wished I had worn it.  I think wearing it would have cemented in my head my full submission to Mistress.  This felt like an act of rebellion and I don't want to be that guy any more.  Had I not had these rebellious streaks 5 years ago we would be much further along in our D/s relationship. I imagine the day where she is able to use D/s as a tool to keep me in line.  I like to think that she could have ordered me into the extra bedroom (in my nighty) and I would have complied.  I like to think our D/s life could get to a point where she could order me into the dog cage or to go stand in a corner in the middle of an argument and I would do it.  I like to think that when we have contentious times she could order me to do anything and I would still obey.  So for those reasons I am mad at myself that I chose to not wear a nighty.  It's something I think I should be punished for, but also don't want to be a pushy bottom. 

As of now Mistress and I made our peace with each other.  We actually do a pretty good job of recovering from arguments.  I am happily locked, I wore my nighty last night and I am back to being an absolute hot mess in my mind and I love it.

I did have a short dream last night.  In my dream I needed to go to the bathroom.  I was locked in chastity and wearing a humiliating sissy dress with tons of layers.

I was trying to find my device under the layers so that I could go to the bathroom.  I would find my locked cock but kept losing it in all the layers.  I woke up and my cock was throbbing.  I was thinking that I might have been having a wet dream but after checking I was perfectly dry.  As frustrating as it can be, this is the fun part of denial!

    

P.S.  When I found that picture I also saw this naugthy jewelry http://www.barbisatin.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=113