Slavier

Mistress and I have a fairly equal relationship.  We do a good job of sharing chores around the house.  We outsource cleaning to a cleaning service.  We have our own bank accounts and bills. 

When Mistress was working in a office 50+ hours a week, I worked from home.  I took on much more of the household responsibilities.  I made her coffee most mornings, I made her lunch and I did my best to keep dishes done and dinners planned and prepared.  I was definitely in service mode and most of our friends knew I was the house husband.  Even though it was practical, I was able to twist this into me being her slave, and these were my slave duties. 

For a little more than a year Mistress has been working from home and for the last 6 months I have had to go into the office.  The roles have flipped quite a bit.  Because it's practical.  I still try to make her coffee.  I don't make her lunch and she has been cooking a ton. 

In our day-to-day routine, Mistress treats me well.  Occasionally Mistress will require me to fetch her a drink.  But other than that she doesn't order me around much. 

If I were wired like a typical guy this would all be normal if not expected.  But I'm not wired that way.  Even before puberty, I had fantasies of girls that used me.  When I was younger I would let girls copy my homework.  The girl I lost my virginity to used me in a way that fulfilled my submissive nature.  She was younger than me and more sexually experienced.  She would use me as her chauffeur, for companionship when she got bored and for sex, long after we were no longer dating.  In my early adult years I dated a couple women that would use me for companionship (no sex as much as I tried) and to pick them up if they were out drinking too much and didn't want to drive home.  All of these occurrences made me feel like I was being friend zoned or pussy whipped, but in reality it fed my submissive tendencies.  To be of use and to serve a woman was what was actually happening.  It turns out the women that I dated that treated me well, likely treated me too well.  They didn't use me and therefore it didn't fill that part of me.  I ended up treating them worse than I treated the women that treated me poorly.

That brings me to this part of my life.  I am mature enough to know that being treated well is rare and I am lucky to have it.  Mistress treats we well, but she also doesn't let me get away with treating her poorly.  She can be demanding which obviously fills a need for me.  She can be very nice as well which fills a need for my non-kinky side.

All of that being said, I yearn to be more of a slave to Mistress.  This past weekend Mistress thought we should have some drinks.  I didn't realize it and she went into the kitchen to make them.  When I noticed, I said "don't you think I should be making you a drink?  What good is having a slave if you don't use him?"  She realized that I was right and came back to the sofa to let me serve her.  As it should be. 

Last night I tried to peel some shrimp we were having for dinner.  She wouldn't let me.  We have some stuff going on in our lives that makes me think she is trying to serve me, to show appreciation for some sacrifices I am making for the 2 of us.  While I appreciate the gesture, I would rather she not serve me.  I would rather she make me serve her.

Even though I am older and more mature and I appreciate the balance we have in our relationship, I still want to be used.  It fulfills something deep inside of me.  I want to be used to make her life easier and I even want to be used in ways that tests my willingness to serve.  I am going to list a bunch of ideas down below along with my 'I'm not topping from the bottom' disclaimer.  It's important to note that some of these things seem mean or even bully-ish, but that's if you aren't wired the way I am.  It's like opposite world, nice is mean and mean is nice.

Ideas below - not topping from the bottom.
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I started a list of specific things.  I deleted it.  There is no need for a detailed list.  If Mistress needs ideas there are plenty in this blog, there are plenty in communications we have had over the years, and there are plenty of ideas with a quick search of the internet. 

This is a good synopsis of what I am hoping to communicate with this post.

Chastity - you rule the penis, you rule the man

Power - accept (and use) your power over your slave

Delegate - whatever it is your are doing, decide if your slave should be doing it. Remember, this fulfills him even if he doesn't like the task at hand.

Sexual Satisfaction - make sure you are sexually satisfied, that will satisfy your slave.

Discipline - regular discipline to reinforce your dynamic, daily or weekly as necessary.

Humiliation - can be a fun and effective way to keep the male ego in check

Feminization - keep your slave in a certain state of mind

Subspace - making sure your slave goes into sub-space frequently keeps him grounded

Rituals - set a tone of submission for him

   

        

Words from others

My posts for the most part are my own words, however lately I have been thinking about things I read from other authors.  Whether it's Tumblr or other blogs, there is a lot to take in.  Here are some that are a little deeper than a typical porn type post.

https://sensual-female-dominance.tumblr.com/post/159195476293/chastity-training

https://sensual-female-dominance.tumblr.com/post/164982098908/submissive-men-have-a-need-to-serve-they-want-to

http://beautifulsecrets42.tumblr.com/post/135243347882/dominance-training

On how/why cruelty works

https://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/2017/09/02/maximising-the-effect-on-the-submissive/

One of the better ones.

http://mschristined.tumblr.com/post/166217609774/locktober-2017-blog-anniversary-or-new-10-most

Does topping from the bottom exist?

http://www.enoughtomakeyoublush.com/does-topping-from-the-bottom-exist/

On humiliation

http://www.enoughtomakeyoublush.com/what-does-it-mean-if-you-desire-humiliation-play/

http://beautifulsecrets42.tumblr.com/post/129139509767/mindset-of-a-submissive-male

Obligatory picture so more people click on this post.

Feminine Photo Shoot

I don't dream very often and when I do, it's very rarely sexual or D/s related.  Last night that was not the case.  Recently, Mistress and I had some professional photographs taken for work.  Mistress had makeup and hair done professionally and got started without me. I showed up while they finished with her solo pics and then I joined in for a bit.  Everything was very well done and professional.

Last night's dream was a variation on this experience.  When I showed up to get my pictures taken, the makeup girl said "oh great, you're here!  Put this on" and she handed me a white slip. 

Once I put the slip on she had me sit in her makeup chair.  She put a blonde wig on me and started doing my makeup.  She told me "I am going to go very, very heavy on the makeup, but it will still look very professional.  We just want you to feel the makeup so you can feel the shame."

While I was getting my makeup done Mistress was getting her pictures done, just like it happened in real life.  When I was done, the photographer had me get into a very sissy like outfit. 

The rest of the photo shoot was done very professionally.  Mistress wore her professional outfits and I wore something like the above picture.  Just like the picture above, my chastity device was visible.  The photographer had me lift my skirt to show it off for a couple pics.  For other pics, Mistress had me on a leash.  And a for few pics my arms were tied behind my back and my ankles tide together white I was sitting on a tall stool.  The dream was not at all sexual.  It was very erotically humiliating (in a good way) especially when Mistress kept telling me how good these pictures were going to look on the website.  Just recollecting this dream has my cock straining against my chastity device.  

   

Jealous

Over the last few years I have acquired a good selection of BDSM videos that are on my hard drive.  A good number of them were from when I was a member of the Kink.com family of websites.  Now my preference is Femdom videos, but I also saved a good portion of Male Dom, Female to Female, and even some transexual and gay BDSM porn as Mistress sometimes likes to watch those types of videos.

I don't watch these videos often.  Maybe if I or we are traveling, and very rarely at home.  Yesterday was one of those rare days.  I have a Roku video streamer and there is a channel on it that is connected these videos so we can watch them on any of our large screen TV's.  Mistress stepped out to get her nails done and run a couple errands. I was working from home doing some tedious online class for work, so I decided to have some entertainment playing in the background waiting for the online class to progress.  I went into the "all videos" section and decided on the letter P, hoping to find some predicament bondage.

I first watched a couple girls Domme a guy.  It was a lot of boring spanking and ass fucking, so I fast forwarded through much of the video until they made him cum and then made him eat his cum.

Then I watched a very short one where a guy was tied up in a jail cell.  The woman came in and stroked him to orgasm and then kept on stroking until he was begging her to stop.

The next one was a guy locked in chastity.  The only stimulation he gets is his Mistress kneads his balls until he has an orgasm.  After he cums she makes him fuck himself in the ass with a dildo to show his obedience after an orgasm.  That's devious.  

The next one I stumbled across was called Point of No Return.  It's from the Kink.com's Device Bondage.  Now this one is Male Dom which doesn't do it for me as much as Femdom does.  However in this case it did an awful lot for me.  Mainly because of how jealous I was of what this woman had to endure.  Just to be clear, most of what this woman goes through rides a fine line of being too much.  In every scene there are tears, screams, yelling in frustration, hopelessness, fear, pain, humiliation, exposure, degradation and for her, many, many orgasms. 

The first scene is my favorite, mainly because this one would be the easiest for us to duplicate at home.  The scene starts with the woman fully dressed and bent over in a stockade type restraint.  We have one of these in the basement, not exact, but close enough.  She is in heels, a dress, and panties.  I imagine she has been left in this position for some time, to wear her down both physically and mentally.  In this position she is to high to kneel and too low to get any relief for her lower back.  I am certain the heels are adding to her discomfort.  And now I am jealous wishing I could trade places.    

Picture of the stockade in our basement.  

The Dom comes in the room and fondles her for a bit to show her how helpless she really is.  He whips her enough to get her dancing in pain.  He then removes her panties and keeps whipping her.  Not too hard, but certainly not too soft.  After a bit he uses scissors to cut her dress off of her leaving her completely exposed.  Next come the clover style nipple clamps.  But he is extra mean and uses 3 sets of them.  While I would absolutely hate 3 sets, I am again jealous.  

After the clamps are on, he takes a string and ties it from the center of one pair of the nipple clamps and then has her bend her knees.  He then ties the ends of the string to each of her knees.

He then whips her a bit trying to get her to straighten her legs and pull the clamps off.  She resists and keeps her knees bent, so he steps it up.  He grabs a cattle prod and walks behind her.  She can't see it but she can hear it charging.  He tells her to straighten her legs.  She starts crying saying she can't.  He keeps telling her to do it, and gets more and more scared and frustrated.  Since she won't do it herself he tells her she is going to get shocked.  He makes her choose a leg.  

By now, her left leg is shaking uncontrollably.  I am sure there is some fear about it, but mostly being in this position for so long and not being able to change leg position.  Now at this point I am starting to feel real empathy for her.  I hate electricity.  I hate the thought of electric shock.  Even something mild compared to a cattle prod would have me reacting the same way she is reacting.  Electricity is one thing that puts true fear in my heart.  As much as it scares me and I would fight it, I am again jealous of this poor girl.

She eventually picks the right leg and he shocks her hard.  She jumps and one of the clamps gets pulled off of her nipples. She is in agony.  He backs off a bit and lets her regain her composure.  Her legs are still shaking while he strokes her skin.  After a short bit he starts back up and tells her she still needs to straighten her legs.  He tells her if she doesn't, she will get the left leg with the cattle prod.  Of course she begs him not to and he ignores her request.  He zaps her and she pulls the other clamp off.  He immediately puts a Hitachi on her pussy and in no time she has rebounded from the pain and fear.  As he rubs the hitachi on her pussy he takes off and puts back on the clamps, creating a pleasure/pain battle.  She is begging to cum, her legs are shaking, and I am certain her mind is an absolute mess.  What an amazing predicament bondage scenario.  All of that and I am super jealous of her.  

The next scene has her tied like this.

  

He puts suction devices on her nipple, pussy and clit until they are filled with blood and sensitive.  He uses a cane on her body as she screams in pain with tears in her eyes.  Then he gives her the Hitachi treatment again.  She is drooling all over herself while begging to cum.  Eventually he puts a clothespin zipper on her, from her armpits to her toes, while the Hitachi is buzzing her.  He makes her choose decide if she wants the zipper pulled before or after she comes.  She wisely chooses before.  As much as I would hate the zipper, I am jealous of her.

The last scene starts like like this.

She is tied to Sybian vibrating saddle.  She has a corset on. Her arms are bound behind her in a leather arm binder.  She has a very tight posture collar on around her neck.  Her hair is tied to the ceiling keeping her upright and from falling off.  Her feet are tied up and back so that she cannot use her legs to escape from the vibration.  For the next 30+ minutes he vibrates her pussy and clit while alternately whipping her, torturing her nipples and using a plastic sheet to cut off her air supply.  

Through all of this, she has countless orgasms.  Since he doesn't turn off the saddle, she goes from one orgasm to being too sensitive and into another orgasm again and again.  Not being able to have multiple orgasms makes me even more jealous.  All of this was fairly boring to watch, I had to fast forward through a lot of it, but I am certain it was not boring to have to endure.  You can see the look on her face several times as though she is in another world or having an out of body experience.  In the post scene interview he said he stopped the scene because he didn't think she would or could.  Hot!  

I imagine the next day she hurt from dead to toe.  Her feet from her shoes and from being whipped.  Her legs from trying to endure so many strenuous positions.  Her back from being bent over.  Her nipples from being clamped and whipped.  Her pussy and clit from all of the orgasms and vibrations. I also bet every time she thinks of this event she will get very wet and aroused.

Having to endure even one of these scenes let alone 3 on top of each other seems very difficult.  I am extremely turned on imagining myself having to go through something similar and so intense.  Being pushed in such a way that I would seriously consider using my safe-word (during electricity) and either not using it or not being allowed to have one.  Riding the line between torture and ecstasy would be such a mind fuck.  My cock strains against my device just thinking about it.  That made me pretty jealous of this woman and many like her.  

  

Yearning for things that used to have issues with.

When I was writing yesterday's post about playing with chastity for 18 years, I came to a realization.  For so many years I hated chastity unless it was 100% tied to a D/s scene.  I would be into it if I thought I was going to get tied up or if there was some teasing involved, etc.  Any time those things would drop off, or life would get in the way or even worse, I would would get in an argument with my Mistress, I would instantly hate chastity.

That has changed for me over the last few years.  Now I accept this is who I am.  Do I prefer to have chastity tied to something?  Sure.  Does it suck to be locked up and not have anything kinky going on in our lives?  Absolutely.  Being locked is now a part of me.  Not because I like the device, but because I like what it symbolizes, my surrender to being fully controlled by my Mistress.

There is nothing hotter than to know that not only is my next orgasm fully dependent on Mistress, but so is any sensation my cock gets.  Surrendering my cock and forgetting about what is in it for me is a true mind-fuck.  Knowing that life can interrupt us and I will likely stay locked makes me feel so owned.  I now see myself begging to stay locked, where just a few years ago, I would go out of my way to avoid being locked up.  That is a real change.

I have also realized how far I have come regarding feminization.  Every since I was 7 or 8, I had a thing for women's clothes.  Not so much wearing them, but admiring them to a point of wanting to see how they felt.  At around 10 or 12 years old my sister caught me trying on a pair of my mom's pantyhose.  She yelled out loud what I was doing and my parents heard.  I was made fun of.  Not in a mean way, but in the way a family pokes fun at each other.  I of course denied it and ever since then have been challenged by the shame that comes with having a fetish like this.

Through out my teenage years I would borrower an item from my mom's drawer or the drawer of a friends sister.  I would wear whatever item it was, masturbate and shame would wash over me as soon as I came.  I would return or throw away the item and swear to never do anything like that again.

When I started living by myself I was able to acquire a few items and would hide them in a drawer.  I would use them occasionally and hide them away.  At some point I would go a little more extreme and when I did, the shame would come back and then the purge.

I dated during these times and in my longer relationships, I would share this part of me.  For the most part it was tolerated in the bedroom and with a sexual connotation.  When any of those relationships would end, I would be horrified that my secret was out and I would purge the acquired feminine items yet again.  I generally would only partake in this part of me 1-2 times a year on average.

In my first marriage my wife was more supportive of this part of me, but it was always used in a D/s way.  I was treated in a slutty, trashy way.  Heavy makeup, forced exhibitionism, and verbal humiliation were the primary drivers.  I don't mean that in a negative way, it was fun.  There is definitely something about that kind of play that gets a guy like me going.

That relationship ended and I half purged.  Kink was used as an excuse by my ex to end the relationship.  I knew I wasn't going to change, but I also wanted to separate myself from the kink that was being used to end my marriage.  I put almost everything in storage.

That brings me to my current Mistress.  Shortly after meeting Mistress we knew each other pretty well on a sexual level.  I was too old to not be upfront about my proclivities, and confided in her most of my kinks.  The feminization part of me took a bit longer to reveal to her, and when I did, her eyes kind of lit up.  She had me get me feminine things out of storage.  She made me try on every item and show her how I looked.  She made me get rid of any of the items that were not flattering or classy enough for her.  She wanted me to look good and to feel good about dressing up.  That first year, Mistress really helped me accept that this is a part of me.  We had some amazing scenes with me fully feminized and I no longer had the shame after an orgasm.  So now that I accept and yearn to explore more and more of my feminine side, the idea of being treated like a whore adds an element of erotic humiliation.

Over the last few years, Mistress has helped me grow my wardrobe.  I am now comfortable for the most part dressing up.  I am not yet to a point where I would dress on my own on a daily basis without it being some sort of an order with consequences for disobeying.  The societal taboo of being dressed as a woman is still strong in me after all of these years.  I still need some sort of coercion.

In closing I am amazed at how much Mistress has helped me grow in my submission.  It's all because she is the best woman I have ever known.  She has helped me accept who I am.  She has loved me and encouraged me through my insecurities about being a submissive guy with feminization fantasies.  She has made things I would never consider (24/7 chastity, wearing perfume daily, shaving my armpits, etc.) a part of my daily life.  There is no way I could ever go back, even if I wanted to.  I am so in love with my Mistress.

                

Life in the way

It's been over a month since I last posted.  Life (and stress) have been way too prominent in my life lately.  I have barely had any erotic thoughts and really have put my libido on the back burner.

That has changed recently.  Mistress put me back in chastity to coincide with her period.  I have had more erotic thoughts in the last 72 hours than I have had in the last 3 weeks. There is something about having a locked cock that makes me focus on my cock.

This morning I woke up terribly horny.  I know part of it is the dream I had last night.  In this dream, Mistress and I were watching TV in our living room like we normally do.  However we had a slave girl tied and kneeling on our hardwood floors.  Much like the picture below.  In my dream her legs are belted in the same way, so she must kneel without relief.  Her arms are tied behind her back (no straps) and she is wearing a ring gag.  We make her kneel for an hour while we watch TV and she drools all over her body while we ignore her.

I don't have dreams I remember very often and I certainly don't have sexual dreams very much.  I don't know if the dream means anything, but I am jealous of the girl in my dream.  I love the humiliating idea of being tied naked and being forced to drool on myself while Mistress ignores me.

When I woke up this morning I put in some warm and casual feminine clothes.  I wish I had the guts to fully dress today, but it's been some time and I just couldn't do it.

Lastly, Mistress and I went to a party last night and we stayed out way later than normal.  I am nursing a hangover which makes me go to my "happy place" which means my nastiest fantasies are running through my head like crazy. It's a darn good thing I am locked up or I would be edging myself.  I read this story this morning and it made my cock throb so hard in my cock cage.  

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2017/11/husband-made-to-take-breast.html

Not all of it turns me on, but being forced to do some things I would rather not do, turns me on.

So here I sit, all worked up, with my mind running a hundred miles an hour while I am locked up.  It's good to feel this way again.

Slave Unplugged

Last night before bed Mistress suggested that I skip my butt plug training today.  I asked why and she said she didn't it to cause any damage.  She is probably right that it's good to take a break once in a while.  When I woke up this morning I was and still am super horny.  I remembered her suggestion and considered what it meant.  While it was suggested, it was an order.  Mistress likes to make her orders sound less like an order and more like a suggestion.  I have learned that regardless of the phrasing I am expected to obey.

When I realized I would be unplugged today I was a bit sad.  I have grown accustomed to all aspects of it.  Lubing it up.  Trying to insert it.  Feeling the widest part as it slips inside me.  Sitting on it.  Feeling it when I walk.  Having it rub on my prostate. Flexing my sphincter so I can feel it more.  The mental humiliation of having a surrogate cock in my ass for hours and days.  Fantasizing about Mistress stretching my hole so that she can fuck my ass or use the fucking machine on me.  Having to remove it and the emptiness I feel once its removed.  I am missing it all this morning.  I feel empty.

I considered disobeying. I could have made some excuse about it being a suggestion or that I wanted to show my devotion to her training.  But that is not an option at this stage.  I have pushed too hard and I can't do that any longer.  I just need to do what I am told.  To obey without question. 

Yesterday, Mistress commented that she liked my anklet.  A bit of pride flowed through me just before a rush of erotic humiliation did.  It was perfect.  Since I woke up so horny today and I was missing my plug I wanted to add something new.  Since Mistress commented on my anklet a piece of jewelry seemed like a good idea.  I looked through one of my drawers and found in clip-on dangling earring and I couldn't find the other.  So I looked in a bag I keep under my bathroom sink.  In it is a ton of makeup for when Mistress has me get fully made up.  I also have fake nails, perfume samples emery boards, eyelash curlers, etc.  I also found some jewelry.  I found a pair of dangling earrings as well as a pair of hoop earrings.  I think hoop earrings are kind of slutty (in a good way) so I chose them.  I recently heard this quote, 'The bigger the hoop, the bigger the hole'. It was a derogatory way to describe girls with large hoop earrings.  Kind of appropriate since my hole has been plugged and stretched recently.  I also found either a bracelet or an anklet with pink butterfly's on it.  I didn't open the package as I didn't want to wake Mistress.  I kind of hope it's a bracelet as I am kind of digging the idea of accessories to enhance my daily attire.

Now the part I am a bit ashamed to admit.  While I was digging through mounds of makeup, I decided I just had to wear some.  I picked a pink tinted lip balm and clear mascara.  After getting dressed in panties, black bra and inserts and another cocktail type dress, I put on my earrings, anklet and proceeded to the spare bathroom.  There I put on my mascara and lip balm.  I was regretting the lip balm and wished I picked a slutty lipstick color.

Now I sit here writing this post.  My head is spinning with submissive and very feminine feelings.  I am a hot mess.  My earrings moving every time my head moves, reminding me just how far down this rabbit hole I have gone.  I am flexing my sphincter trying to get that familiar feeling and I feel nothing.  I am realizing I haven't spilled one drop of cum in 17 days. And that I have only had one satisfying orgasm in the last 112 days and that one was 57 days ago.  No wonder I am such a hot mess.  By not focusing on my fantasies so much and just living in the moment, I am able to fully enjoy my submission.

Throwback Thursday

Old habits die hard.  Mistress and I went out with a friend last night for her birthday.  As a result I am a bit hungover today.  When I am hungover I am super horny and super submissive.   My intention this morning was to write a post about all the things I am fantasizing about.  I realized the error of my ways and and going to write about things since yesterdays post.  Living in the moment and appreciating it.

I left for work yesterday locked in chastity.  It was an uneventful day, but after being plugged for 4 hours in the previous 24 hours I still felt like I had something in my ass.  I came home and changed and Mistress and I met our friend.  We had some drinks and an appetizer while we all chatted.  We then went to another bar to meet another friend and grab some dinner.  I enjoyed being the one guy with 3 women.  Or friend commented on how Mistress and I are her 'relationship ideal'.  If she only knew we were in a Female Led relationship and that I was submissive to Mistress.

We came home and got ready for bed.  I put on my nighty and got into bed before Mistress.  When Mistress got into bed she started stroking my balls.  She commented that she didn't like this device as much as my other one because my cock is completely covered.  She like the device that goes through my piercing and covers the head and glans.  That was she can stroke my cock, but I can't get real pleasure out of it.  I assured her that I was being sufficiently teased with this device and that changing devices every few days was going to be the key to keeping me locked 24/7 indefinitely.  Mistress fell asleep teasing my cock.  It's the second time this week she has done that.  It's a beautiful way to fall asleep. 

This morning I woke up extra horny.  I plugged myself while still in my nighty.  I put on my shortest skirt, panties and a low cut blouse with a matching bra (tightened as much as possible).  Before I put my heels on I was wanting to up the ante somehow.  I went into my drawer in the bathroom.  If I remembered correctly I had a piece of womens jewelry in the drawer, but I wasn't sure if it was an anklet, bracelet, or clip on earrings.  It took a minute but I found a rhinestone anklet.  Perfect!  I added it to today's outfit and I feel just a tad more like a slut.  I don't think anklets are slutty, I think they are sexy.  However on a grown man wearing women's clothes, it makes me feel slutty.

That's the post for today.  In honor of the title of this blog post, I went back to the beginning and found a few hot posts.  Here they are.

Getting Caught Up - Sunday, January 9, 2011

Good scene - Monday, May 23, 2011

Things are going to change - Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Appreciating Things

The last few days have been interesting.  With me taking the focus off of my wants and needs and just focusing on the moment I have a new appreciation for slowing things down a bit.  One of my downfalls is that when Mistress steps up the D/s, I get excited and try to step it up even further.  This just creates stress and resentment for her.  For me I see her pull back and try even harder.  It doesn't work well.

Now that I have recognized it and have a plan to handle it, I am in a much better place and I think Mistress is too.  Appreciating how Mistress is now treating me and taking time to fully embrace my current situation is a welcome lesson. Since my goal is to now live in the moment, and to let Mistress lead me down the path she wants me to follow I have some inner peace.

Today is a perfect example.  I could certainly be writing about some of the dirtier thoughts I have been having.  I could be posting pictures of more and more extreme D/s activities, but then the experience isn't shared.  Instead of projecting ahead, I intend on writing about the current.  Here is my current.

This morning I woke up too early.  I tried to go back to sleep, but work stress and horniness kept me from doing so.  Instead of tossing and turning a couple hours I decided to get up, do a little work and make this blog post.  As I got up, I went to the bathroom.  For new readers of this blog, I am required to sleep in a nighty every night.  I don't take off my nighty until I have gone to the bathroom and weigh myself.  I am also pierced which means I have to sit and pee in all places that don't have urinals.  I am also currently locked in a chastity device that forces me to sit every time I need to pee.  There is something deliciously naughty about me having to pee sitting down while wearing a nighty.  After I weighed myself I put on my required squirt of perfume.  The perfume quickly hit my brain and instead of waiting until tonight to do my 2 hour daily butt plug assignment I decided to do it immediately.  I inserted the plug while bent over the bathtub looking down at my pink painted toenails.  It's getting easier to put in.  I felt like such a slut.

I proceeded into the extra bedroom where my feminine clothes are.  I put on a pair of panties, my bra on as tight as possible. I put in my silicone inserts and selected a little black dress.  I then put on my platform heels.  I tried to think of something else I could add to my wardrobe that would be an extra reminder of my situation.

So here I sit.  I'm in my office chair.  My ass is plugged for 2 hours for the second time in the last 12 hours.  My hole is a bit sore, but in a good way.  I can flex my sphincter and feel a sensation.  My cock is locked away.  My current lock up is a week with no end in sight.  I don't like wearing a device, it's a pain.  However I do love having access to my cock taken away from me 100% and wearing a device is an acceptable trade off for the experience.  My feet are a bit uncomfortable in my heels, but I like how the heels feel and how they make my legs look. Any discomfort is well worth it. I wish I could wear heels all the time.  My attire.  My little black dress makes me feel sexy and humiliated at the same time.  My bra and inserts are also a huge turn on for me right now.  As I type, my arms are rubbing against my extra large breasts.  I have an appreciation for the challenges breasts create, especially large ones.  So in my current state of mind, the challenges of a butt plug, chastity, heels, large breasts in a tight bra are exactly the kinds of things I love to endure.  The more challenging the better.

In closing, slowing down and enjoying my current situation is very rewarding.  I feel my attitude changing from wanting and needing to appreciating and wishing to please and serve my Mistress.  I am here to do as she wishes and to just enjoy the experience.  It's better for my submissive soul.

                   

Back In A Dress & Chastity and Orgasm Tracking

With Mistress getting back into the groove, my libido is in overdrive.  I haven't had to wear anything overly feminine in over 3 weeks, so I decided to step it up a bit. Below is a picture of the dress I am currently wearing. 

 
I purposely made my outfit as restrictive as possible.  I decided to wear my highest heels and I tightened up the ankle straps so I can feel restricted.  I am also wearing a bra with my large silicone inserts.  I tightened the bra strap on it's tightest setting so that I can't ignore my situation.  My perfume is wafting into my nostrils and it's making me so horny.   If my cock wasn't locked up right now I would absolutely sneak a few strokes of my cock.  By choosing the equivalent of a cocktail dress I am erotically humiliated more than an office type outfit would make me feel.  When Mistress looks at me in it, I cringe just a bit (in a good way).  I am feeling very submissive and slutty today.

I ran some numbers that are more trivia than anything else.  I keep an online log of my days in chastity HERE and my orgasms HERE.  Since I started tracking my days in chastity, 2016 found me in chastity a total of 70 Days.  My longest stint in chastity was 29 days in December of 2015 to January 2016.  I spent another 2 weeks straight locked up that summer.  So far in 2017 my longest lockup was 16 days and I have been locked up a total of  47 days year-to-date.

As far as my orgasms go, 2017 is a relatively slow year, which is what I yearn for.  I have had 16 full orgasms and 2 ruined (not full).  I also went 72 days and 55 days straight without an orgasm.  By this time last year I had 22 full orgasms and 1 ruined.  In 2015 it was 30 orgasms.  So I am 6 orgasms behind last year and 14 behind 2015.  My current streak is interesting.  It's been 53 days since my last full orgasm but Mistress has ruined 2 since then.  Hot! 

The orgasms tracking doesn't tell the full story.  It doesn't track all the times we have sex and Mistress has multiple orgasms and I go without.  That would be fun to track as it would really drive home just how denied I am.  I would also love to track the orgasms Mistress has while I am at work, just to rub it in even further.

This morning as I was waking up, I fantasized about coming home to find Mistress in our bedroom with towels on the bed and a few toys out.  She would either tell me to strip or to put to on something feminine.  She would say to me "make me cum" and she would like back in the bed and my sole job is to make her cum as many times as she wants.  I get nothing other than the pleasure of serving her and making her satisfied.  My cock would stay locked up to ensure my focus was entirely on her.  When she was done with me she would tell me to clean up the room and to go make dinner.  I don;t know how to explain it, but being used that way would be so frustratingly satisfying.  A win-win in my book.

I have to run, but wanted to make a quick post as to my desire to serve Mistress and to make sure she is happy and satisfied.  My needs are secondary to hers. 

 



         

Uh-Oh

Mistress appears to have taken my recent blog postings to heart.  Yesterday afternoon, we had another intense scene.

I went upstairs and get things ready.  I puled the bondage straps out from under the bed.  I put my wrist and ankle restraints on.  I pulled out several toys and striking implements so Mistress could decide what she wanted to use.  I put towels on the bed, put some music on and dimmed the lights.  I laid on the bed, blindfolded myself and tied 3 of my limbs to the bed straps.

Mistress came in the room.  She restrained my 4th limb and tightened the straps down TIGHT.  Mistress put 8-10 clothespins on my scrotum as well as clover nipple clamps on my nipples.  I had recently added the clover clamps to the toy drawer as the clothespins are not intense enough for me. Mistress stroked my cock while lecturing me about my recent attitude.  She continued lecturing me and telling me how things were going to go from now on as she pulled the clothespins off of my scrotum causing me to gasp.

Mistress added rubber bands to my upper thighs and proceeded to snap them.  Out of all the implements we have used so far, these leave the best marks.  I was fortunate that Mistress put 3-4 bands together.  Combined, the pain they created was less sharp than a single band.

Mistress would hit the insides of my thighs and when the pain got too much she would stroke my cock to bring me back to my desperate horny state.

I lost track of time as Mistress continued to alternate between torture and pleasure.  Mistress told me how she intends on taking me to a local drag queen event.  First to observe, with the goal of taking me out in public the next time we go.  The thought scares me to death but also excites me.  At some point I will end up being fully feminized in public.  

Mistress also talked about putting me on a points system.  The more I serve her, the quicker I get to have scenes I enjoy.  Mistress also told me that she was going to start holding me much more accountable and enforce punishments much, much quicker.  I assured her that I want to be held to the highest standard and am willing to pay dearly for not serving her well.  I need to be doing more around the house.  To me this means I need to be doing chores while Mistress relaxes on the couch.  I would like there to be a 'honey-do' list every day.  I would like Mistress to remember that I am wired differently.  Having a list of tasks and being held accountable to complete it would really reinforce our D/s dynamic. There will be some challenges and push back from me, as she pushes me harder, but we both know I will be more fulfilled the more totally I am controlled.

At one point Mistress climbed on my face with her facing my feet.  She planted her pussy on my mouth.  I licked her as furiously as I could.  I tried to reach her asshole with my tongue.  I probably went about this the wrong way.  My intention was to show her how much I want to orally serve her.  I want to be consumed by her pussy.  I want to earn the privilege to be allowed to put my tongue in her asshole.  What I think I did is I went too fast and it wasn't doing anything for her.  I really do want to casually spend an hour or more between her legs worshiping her pussy.

I believe I almost got fucked in the ass with a strap-on, but I think a wardrobe malfunction occurred so instead of an ass fucking Mistress just put the dildo in my ass.  I kept wishing it was bigger and deeper.   

I am guessing after about 30 minutes, Mistress removed one of the nipple clamps and immediately rubbed the nipple.  OMG!  It was probably the most painful thing she did to me all afternoon.  Which is surprising considering how many times she hit my balls, smacked the rubber bands and hit me hard with implements.  That was until she the took off the second nipple clamp and rubbed my nipple which again was intensely painful.  On a scale of 1-10, my nipples are still sore at a level 1.  I was hoping for a residual pain level of 5-6.   

The longer the scene went on, the more I confessed my total and complete surrender to Mistress.  I confessed that I have totally embraced chastity.  For years I have resisted it unless it was for entertainment purposes, but now I believe it is in my best interest to be locked 24/7 for the rest of my life.  Release should only be for Mistress' pleasure.  I also confessed I have now accepted my feminine side.  I truly believe I am more subservient when I am dressed, perfumed, erotically shamed, etc.  My bad attitude is when my masculine side tries to take over.  I begged Mistress to keep pushing my feminization so that I naturally choose feminine over masculine.  I need encouragement if not outright force in the afternoons and evenings, when my libido is lower, as deep down I want to be dressed.  I just need help getting me over my last bit of resistance.  Lastly I confessed how much I want to kneel at her feet.  I think this act alone is a very powerful one.  Much like a queen asks her subjects to 'bend the knee' to show they serve her, and her alone.  It might feel uncomfortable the first few times, but I would bet a large sum of money that she would get used to it and eventually love the symbolism of me kneeling before her.  I would go into subspace very quickly with just this act alone.  It also a good position to orally pleasure her.

Mistress mounted my cock and rode me.  I really thought she was going to make me cum inside her and them make me clean her out. but she had other ideas.  We are going on a long trip soon.  I tend to get stressed and snarky when we travel and having an orgasm would just increase the chance for me to have a bad attitude.  I was to have no orgasm.  Instead Mistress gave me some instructions for the week.  I am to continue to stay in chastity until we leave and had to lock myself up the second we got done.  I hope she intends to keep me locked until the morning of our trip and not release me the night before.  I truly don't want kindness and mercy.  I am also required to wear my largest butt plug for 2 hours every day until we leave (I am wearing it now).  That being said, I believe I should wear it on the morning of our trip as well.  She also mentioned that we would be having another intense scene as a preventative measure at the end of the week.  That way when I get stressed and snarky she can remind me of what will happen if I don't change my attitude.  I am wishing we have a 'daily lesson' so to speak.  

Mistress managed to edge and beat me until I was a mass of submissive putty.  I don't think there was anything I wouldn't have done at that point.  She owned me.

Before Mistress untied me I asked her if I could add a few tasks to myself that I knew I would regret.  She indulged me.  I asked to wear my bikini in out hot tub.  She told me that I could.  I also asked to wear something slutty the rest of the night and she told me no.  I asked if I could wear pink leggings and a pink camisole and she said I could.

Mistress then untied one of my limbs  She told me to untie myself and that I would now be pleasuring her.  She ran off to the bathroom while I untied myself.  I was in such a state of subspace and pure desire to serve that I untied myself and knelt on the bed awaiting her arrival.  I was still wearing my blindfold and restraints.  Mistress came back from the bathroom and laid on the bed.  She told me to use my fingers inside her.  I begged to be allowed to go down on her first.  She told me 'no'.  I am pretty sure it's because she just went to the bathroom, but I knew that.  I really wanted to lick the remaining drops of piss from her pussy.  I can't think of a more submissive way to express my true desire and devotion than to do such an act.  It is also deep rooted in my brain as it goes back to my very first submissive fantasies I had as a pre-teen.

I obeyed Mistress and started to put my fingers in Mistress and instead she changed her and and told me to fuck her.  I did, much better than I expected but still was on the edge fast.  I then made her cum several times and she squirted quite a bit.  This made me want to grab a glass and catch her juices and drink them up.  She made me fuck her again.  This time I got too close to the edge.  I should have dribbled, but somehow did not.  Mistress was not having any more of that.  She had me make her cum a few more times and then she announced she was done.  I was disappointed as I didn't want this feeling to end.  Ever.

She had me clean up the room and put everything away.  I hate having to clean up after a scene, but being made to do so put me in the right frame of mind.  I am a slave and I don't get to decide what I want to do.  We then went to the hot tub. I was wearing my bikini.  If any of our neighbors were outside paying attention, there could have been 3-4 that could have seen me.  I was in such sub-space that I really didn't care.  I could see that becoming a new requirement.  Sitting in a hot tub in a bikini is way naughtier than being nude.  The feminine reinforcement is powerful.  

The bottom half of my bikini

After the hot tub, I did put on my pink leggings and camisole and made us dinner.  Mistress did a great job of reminding me of my outfit and my position as her slave.  I forgot to wear my butt plug when we got out of the hot tub.  I am fortunate Mistress reminded me as I was able to put it in at bedtime and sleep with it in for a few hours.  If I were her, I would have let me fail so I could have punished me for it.  I'm mean like that.  

At bedtime I thanked Mistress for her abuse.  I also encouraged her to keep at it.  This morning as I write this I am encouraged where this is heading.  I am still in pretty strong sub-space and am willing to do absolutely anything.  Mistress has now had a couple scenes where she has shown an ability to be mean.  I am truly scared of disobeying which is something I can only say a few times not only in this relationship but in my entire life.  I want to live in a certain state of fear because that fear is what will get me through my resistance and disobedience.  Fear will free me.

                 

        

Femininity, Chastity and Public Humiliation

I am just a mess of hormones, submissiveness and desire.  Today is Saturday and Mistress doesn't make me dress feminine on the weekends 😓, but I do have to wear my perfume and women's deodorant.   That being said, I just couldn't help it.  I was drawn into the spare bedroom and found something feminine but casual.  I put on a skort I have never worn before and a low cut top.  I am slowly getting more and more comfortable being dressed.  It excites the hell out of me to feel I can't help it.

Chastity - I am still locked and enjoying the helplessness.  Mistress offered to let me out of my device to clean up.  I assured her that with all of my devices I can clean myself.  Over the years I have learned to shave and clean around my devices.  Some are more difficult than others, but am not one of those guys that need to be released for hygiene purposes.  No matter how clean a device is, after urination it's no longer clean.

Public humiliation - There are many blog posts here where I fantasize about some public humiliation.   Mistress and I saw something last night that brought it up to the forefront of my mind.  We had to go to the mall which is something we rarely do.  When we were leaving there was a couple walking toward us.  The female half of this couple was wearing ankle boot, jeans, and a top that as tight as any top I have ever seen in public, possibly even a size too small.  Now that I think about it, the way it was tucked in, it was likely a body suit.  What stuck out (no pun intended) were her nipples.  She didn't have large breasts, but she did have some protruding nipple, and she clearly wasn't wearing a bra. This is the closest approximation that I could find online.

Her shirt was a bit thicker as you wouldn't see any hint of areola, but here she was walking through a department store with her nipples on display for all.  What struck me is that she wasn't doing this to show off.  She seemed ashamed.  She didn't look up into anyone's eyes.  My mind eventually assumed this was some sort of game she and her man were playing, and I am inclined to believe a D/s game.  If she was an exhibitionist I believe she would have been trying to make eye contact.  Since she seemed to avoid it I believe it was a public humiliation outing.  And I was jealous!  

We didn't hang out or follow them to see what the deal was.  It took us a few minutes to grasp what we saw, but I wish we would have observed a bit longer.  Like I said, I was jealous.  I tried to imagine my own public shaming.  Now I too could get my nipples super stiff and wear a tight shirt, but I don't think I would be too ashamed.  Maybe wearing a bra under a thicker shirt and made to walk through the mall.  Everyone would think I just had large man boobs, but in my paranoid mind, they would all just know I was wearing a bra.  Or painting my fingernails a bright shade of red, and walking through several stores through the mall.  Mistress wouldn't let me put my hands in my pocket.  Likely, no one would notice but I would be terrified.  Using the shocking dog collar in public.  Mistress would take me to a strip bar with me in my heavy steel chastity device and would make me wear heavy perfume.  She would get me a lap dance and the stripper would comment on both my perfume and my device as she rubbed her butt against it.  Wearing a woman's button up shirt in public.  Wearing nylon or fishnet socks with no male socks.  Forced to cum in my pants and walk around with it.   Wearing makeup in public.  Kissing Mistress feet in public.  All of these ideas horrify me, but turn me on at the same time.           

Lastly, I have to work a few hours today.  I fantasize about Mistress masturbating a few time and texting me each time she has an orgasm.  Or Mistress texts me pics, words, or screen shots of things she knows will get me all worked up.

More and more

Just when I thought I couldn't get any hornier.  Mistress seems to be enjoying my chastity and because of that I am enjoying my time in chastity that much more.  Mistress gave me a nice little tease last night before bed which sets the tone just right for the night.  On top of that I was wearing my body hugging nighty all night so every time I woke up I was instantly aware of my situation.

As I was waking up, my mind kept going to places very close to my limits.  I fantasized about being locked in the cage.  I fantasized about Mistress taking me to a cross dressing friendly bar so she could have me in public.  I fantasized about Mistress tying me down and putting things in my mouth against my will.  I fantasized about a day called 'Mistress Pleasure Day', where my only job is to pleasure Mistress.  A bath, followed by a massage followed by a foot massage, followed by as many orgasms as she can handle.  I am to be her complete sexual and personal servant for a day or a weekend or longer!

When I got up, I put a nice full spray of perfume on my chest.  It fills my nostrils and takes me even deeper in subspace.  I am committed to wearing as many different feminine clothes as I can right now.  My slutty side was dying to wear one of my 2 slutty club dresses, but I am forcing myself into more normal clothes.  I am wearing slacks, a bra, a blouse and my highest heels with the strap a little bit too tight just for fun.

As I am writing this blog on one monitor, I have another monitor open. On the other monitor is a blog of all things feminine. The blog bills itself as "Dedicated to the feminization of sexuality in a world of power relationships."  As I write I scroll and watch a few minutes of videos.  Now my favorite posts are the ones of "difficult situations".  I imagine myself being feminized and being put in all of these awful predicaments and left to suffer  http://allthefemme.tumblr.com/tagged/predicament  

We have a set of stocks just like this.  I can so imagine this happening to me.

My next favorite one is feminization  http://allthefemme.tumblr.com/tagged/feminization All of these posts make my cock stiffen up in it's cage.  

I love this caption.

Lastly, I came across a video that really got my interest.  I can't believe I will even write this and I know I will come to regret it.  It's tickle torture.  I think I would rather be beat than tickled.  Watching the videos, it's not the tickling that turns me on, it's the helplessness that the victim experiences.  I am a huge sucker for helplessness and having control taken away from me.  I actually believe I would try to use my safeword if I was being tickled, but since no one is getting hurt, there is really no need for a safeword.  I have avoided bringing up this topic for over 7 years as I am afraid what will happen.  http://allthefemme.tumblr.com/tagged/tickling   

All of that being said, chastity, denial and feminization are keeping me so ramped up I am getting more and more willing to do anything.  I love this feeling even though it make want to do things more and more against my perceived limits.     

Conditioning and Normalization

Mistress is really starting to do a good job of mentally torturing me.  Over the course of last evening, Mistress told me she had intended on letting me out for some D/s play, but I got home too late and missed out.  Of course I had no idea that was part of any plan so it's an extra mindfuck.  Mistress also mentioned that she had masturbated while I was at work.  I find that very, very hot, especially with my cock locked in chastity.  I imagine her texting me through out the day telling me she just had another orgasm.  It makes me want to be forced to track her orgasms on this blog along with my own.  Talk about a mind fuck.  Logging dozens and dozens of orgasms every month while I got months at a time without one.  Hot!  https://missbossybitchsboy.blogspot.com/p/history-of-orgasms.html

Mistress also played with my locked cock before bed.  Now that does several things to me.  It let's me know that Mistress acknowledges (and hopefully enjoys) my situation.  It gets me ramped up far more than I can ramp myself.  Having her fingers all over my locked cock, makes my head spin.  It reinforces my place in our relationship.

Being locked in chastity for long periods and having Mistress torment me, is exactly how my chastity fantasies play out.  Being locked and ignored is no fun.  Being locked and constantly reminded and tormented makes me want to stay locked forever and ever.

Last nights teasing has me pretty worked up this morning.  I woke up and my mind went straight to naughty town.  I got up and put a full spray of perfume.  I got dressed in some feminine clothes.  I have a fairly large selection (always want more) and I am forcing myself to wear things I rarely wear.  These clothes are more modest, which I am so no modest right now, but wearing more normal clothes, is an important part of normalizing my feminization.  I did put on my high strappy pumps and I tightened the straps a couple extra holes so I can feel like my ankles are restrained.

This picture I saw yesterday really spoke to me.

I recently had a dream where I have become so accustomed to being dressed that I stepped out of a hotel room to investigate something outside my door that I forgot that I was dressed.  In real life I have ventured out on the back patio in feminine attire, certainly very aware of my situation.  But the truth is that I am getting more and more conditioned to being dressed up.  I used to never wear my bras, but now I try to find a shirt where I can wear one.  Not because it's comfortable, but because it's not, and I am getting used to it.  I am too shy to wear my inserts though.  I used to wear heels for only a short period of time, but now I am used to them and walking in them.  They are not comfortable, but I miss them when I take them off.  On the weekends Mistress doesn't make me dress, but I can't resist and put on something casual but feminine when I wake up.  I do wish she "forced" me to be dressed more often or made me wear certain items to push my boundaries even further.  I love the conditioning and normalization of my feminine side as well as my chastity device.  I can't believe I can say that.        

    

Lately

I am going to start off with the thing that is highest in my thought process now.  Last night while sitting on the couch Mistress held up her glass and said 'slave'.  The word came out at least three times over the course of the evening and I absolutely loved it.  The thought of being called something that is not my name, nor a common nicety (baby, sweety, honey) and instead being called something most would find offensive (slut, bitch, slut, sissy, whore) is intensely hot to me.  The word slave is powerful and has multiple meanings to me, such as being under control, not having rights, owned by Mistress etc.  The other words mentioned are also hot and also relevant given my feminization fantasies and most of those words typically being used for degrading a women.  That being said, having my name ignored and replaced with something else is something I could get very used to and it makes my head spin with excitement.  A constant verbal acknowledgment of Mistress's acceptance of my submissiveness as well as confirmation of my status in our relationship.  What more could a guy want?

The next topic is dressing feminine.  In the morning, especially after a spray of perfume, I have little problem dressing feminine.  In fact I have been adding bra's almost daily and have been choosing my highest heels on the days I only get to wear them for a couple hours.  I am trying to be more and more feminine.  Later in the day is the real challenge for me mentally.  Yesterday I came home early from the office to work at home.  I should have changed clothes (and wanted to actually) but I got insecure and my stupid male masculinity took over.  I technically disobeyed a standing rule, but I didn't want to disobey.  It's one of those things I wish I had more control over and could obey without question.  It's where being held accountable and forced would help me out mentally submit over the long term.  While a punishment would certainly be in order I am not trying to top from the bottom.  A friendly reminder from Mistress that I need to go change would also work.  Adding the number of hours I am to be dressed every day would also help condition me to my afternoon drop in testosterone.  I want to obey.

Lastly, Chastity.  Mistress started her period yesterday.  That means I am to be locked up in chastity for the duration.  Why am I not locked up yet?  I have a nice Mistress.  Now Mistress is far nicer than I would be if the tables were turned.  The second I found out I was starting I would tell my slave to lock it up, even if it was in the middle of the night.  I would also wait to unlock my slave until the day after I was 100% sure I was done.  Even if that meant we had sex and he had to be locked back up because I wasn't quite done.  I would add extra 'reminders' of my period if the tables were turned, but am not giving any ideas.  Like I said, Mistress is nicer than I would be.  I am sitting here writing this, wanting to stroke my cock only because I know it will be locked soon (after my morning bike ride).  Generally I don't think about it, but when I am locked or will be getting locked I can't take my mind off of my cock.  It's one of the great misunderstandings about chastity.  I think a lot of women lock of their man's cock because he focuses on it too much.  Locking it up increases the focus, it just eliminates his ability refocus on something else.

Today's Mood

Locked in chastity until anal orgasms are obtained.

    

Public Play

We have been watching a TV show lately called 'The Sinner' with Jessica Biel and Bill Pullman.  In it, Bill Pullman's character is seeing what I am guessing is a pro-Domme or at least a kinky partner.  He keeps trying to break it off but he keeps coming back.  There are a few hints of their scenes, but the public one is what got me.  They both happen to be at the grocery store and it's during a time when he's told her he can't see her.  They see each other in the store down one of the aisles.  She takes a small box of oranges and dumps them on the floor and she just watches him.  You can tell he wants to walk away, but his submissive brain won't let him.  He walks down the aisle to the first orange.  He gets on his hands and knees and picks up all the oranges.  As soon as he is done, she walks off, leaving him with the oranges.  Hot!

That reminded me of the TV show 'Billions' with Paul Giamati.  Paul and his wife indulge in some Femdom and they also have a pro-Domme that they have have had sessions with.  Later in the series, Paul meets with the pro-Domme in a deli so that he can pick up the file she keeps on her clients.  He is about to run for public office and doesn't want anything to come back and bite him.  As they stand at the deli counter, they chat, but they don't even look at each other as they are trying act like they don't know one another.  As they end their meeting, she drops something.  She tells him to 'pick it up', and because he is submissive, he does.  I loved that scene.

Yesterday we had a bit of this ourselves.  Mistress and I ran to grab a quick breakfast so I just threw on some shoes without socks.  After breakfast we decided to go shopping instead of heading home.  I have been looking at buying a new pair of shoes and there were some good sales where we were at.  My toenails are painted a bright shiny shade of pink.  I had no socks, but wanted to try on some shoes.  I had to be careful, but the fear tuned me on.  Also, I tried on some pants in a few stores, so I had to take off my shoes in some of the dressing rooms.  I turned facing the wall so people couldn't see under the door and see my toenail.  I was also wearing panties, so seeing myself in the mirror in just a t-shirt, panties and painted toenails in a very brightly lit dressing room definitely added to my humiliation and fear of getting caught.  This was by no means a D/s shopping trip, but my brain certainly thought it was.

Just writing about it makes me want to escalate the experience.  Maybe I go shopping wearing a camisole and stockings.  Maybe Mistress drops something in every store we go into, purposely making sure it drops under a rack or at the register so I have to go on my knees to pick it up.  Maybe Mistress has me try on something that will embarrass me in a store with co-ed dressing rooms.   Maybe Mistress makes me put on women's clothes and we go for a ride in her car, a convertible. I fear public humiliation, but it also excites the heck out of me.

Also this post just happened.  It has public humiliation that may turn into a full blown scene.  http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2017/08/still-got-it.html

Follow Up:
I posted the other day about being put in the smother box and servicing Mistress for hours.  Yesterday I ran into this Tumblr post.  http://slavewade.tumblr.com/post/153972405403/mistress-bonnie-rotten-enjoys-using-a-locked-in 

    

Others being mean

I read a lot of things online about D/s.  What I am mostly drawn to is people being treated badly by their dominant.  I prefer women treated men cruelly, but there just aren't enough people that post about their experiences in a female dominant sense.  There are even fewer that post pictures.  This means I end up looking at many blogs and pictures of women being treated poorly when looking for pictures of a certain topic.  When I see these pictures of women being treated cruelly I don't fantasize about myself being cruel to women (although I could if Mistress would switch once in a while).  I fantasize about me being treated as much like those women as possible.  Here is a summary of some of the blogs I like to visit and get myself all worked up thinking it's me being treated this way.  I am fascinated by the cruelty.

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com - is my favorite.  They are a couple that seems to live a normal day to day life, but when they turn on the kink, they turn it on. The husband gets spankings I dream of trying but don't think I could take.  They bring witnesses and participants into his beatings and humiliation.  Then at the end of the day they go back to being a normal couple.

https://msscarletuk.wordpress.com - is one that actually scares me as much as it enthralls me.  She is truly cruel and I am mesmerized by it.  Some of her tortures include frequent application of Deep Heat to his cock and balls.  She also uses stinging nettles but I don;t know where to get those.  Ice cubes of her piss being delivered into his mouth drop by drop through a funnel gag.  A caning before he misbehaves and to set the tone for the day.  He spends hours 4-8 hours at a time tied to a bed with a hood on, blindfolded, his ears plugged, and those ice cubes so all he can think of is his evil Mistress.  She in turn binge watches a show or some other activity she enjoys getting turned on at the thought of his suffering.  She visits him every 30-60 minutes to refresh the Deep Heat or the ice cubes.  Lastly instead of letting him dress as a woman she makes him dress as a little girl.

http://kittydenied.tumblr.com a female sub that has to endure chastity, denial and lots of deep throating practice.  One of my favorite fantasies is pictured below.  Having my arms bound behind my back and being told to get to a certain number (not too low).  I would have to take the cock down my throat far enough to get my nose to hit the button.

https://greyhoundsowner.tumblr.com - my new favorite.  If only this was a guy being treated this way.  She it totally subjugated.  Her diet is controlled.  She has to use a litter box. She must wear heels at all times, if not, her heels are not allowed to touch the floor.  She is plugged at all times.  She is in chastity at all times.  She is tied to a bed or caged every night.  She is restrained for hours on end in very painful positions. He uses a cattle prod on her.  I can only imagine how terrible this would be to endure, but at the same time, I wish I were her.

A little more ball holding today for greyhound after our shower. I like putting her in a position that, at first seems fine, but after an hour or so it becomes harder and harder to maintain. That wood collar/yoke weighs about five pounds as well, so it’s kinda hard to stay like that. I sometimes leave her like this for the afternoon, and enjoy the sounds of her whimpering as her legs cramp. 

Greyhound sleeping in her straight jacket tonight!

This is “The Block”. It’s a 30 pound piece of wood (much heavier if solid, but I hollowed it out a little) that greyhound is required to hold. I use this to park her at times, giving her a task that she needs to focus on. She is not allowed to lower it at all, and as you can see, keeps it at about the same level, as instructed. 

I love putting greyhound on the perch. Sometimes she goes up there late morning, after her chores, and I leave her just like this for the rest of the day. As you can imagine, it’s very hard on her pussy, being tied down so she is planted firmly against the wood. Sometimes I come in and use the cattle prod to make sure she’s still awake. 

Here are some other "go to" sites, but not as mean as the folks above.

https://keephimcaged.tumblr.com/ A Wife's Guide To Male Chastity And Cock Cages
 https://keephimcaged.tumblr.com/ A Sensual Domme's World: Female Led Relationship, tease & denial, pegging, chastity, guys in lingerie and more.  These are both filled with images and ideas that make my head spin.

http://saragirlsissyconfessions.blogspot.com I love this one for the sissy and chastity imagery.  Very feminine stuff.  There is a lot of cuckolding in this one which I am not into (unless Mistress finds a woman to cuckold me with :-)

https://dominajen.com  This is the blog that taught me the disobeying is a reaction to insecurity. Instead of backing down when a slave disobeys, it's time to double down.  I also like reading about her taking her feminized slave out in public.

http://totallysubjugated.tumblr.com -  A Tumblr blog devoted to the overall surrender of control. To be caged, boxed, confined; to have your freedom and choice of movement eroded away. To become completely and totally, subjugated.