Thursday, December 7, 2017

Slavier

Mistress and I have a fairly equal relationship.  We do a good job of sharing chores around the house.  We outsource cleaning to a cleaning service.  We have our own bank accounts and bills. 

When Mistress was working in a office 50+ hours a week, I worked from home.  I took on much more of the household responsibilities.  I made her coffee most mornings, I made her lunch and I did my best to keep dishes done and dinners planned and prepared.  I was definitely in service mode and most of our friends knew I was the house husband.  Even though it was practical, I was able to twist this into me being her slave, and these were my slave duties. 

For a little more than a year Mistress has been working from home and for the last 6 months I have had to go into the office.  The roles have flipped quite a bit.  Because it's practical.  I still try to make her coffee.  I don't make her lunch and she has been cooking a ton. 

In our day-to-day routine, Mistress treats me well.  Occasionally Mistress will require me to fetch her a drink.  But other than that she doesn't order me around much. 

If I were wired like a typical guy this would all be normal if not expected.  But I'm not wired that way.  Even before puberty, I had fantasies of girls that used me.  When I was younger I would let girls copy my homework.  The girl I lost my virginity to used me in a way that fulfilled my submissive nature.  She was younger than me and more sexually experienced.  She would use me as her chauffeur, for companionship when she got bored and for sex, long after we were no longer dating.  In my early adult years I dated a couple women that would use me for companionship (no sex as much as I tried) and to pick them up if they were out drinking too much and didn't want to drive home.  All of these occurrences made me feel like I was being friend zoned or pussy whipped, but in reality it fed my submissive tendencies.  To be of use and to serve a woman was what was actually happening.  It turns out the women that I dated that treated me well, likely treated me too well.  They didn't use me and therefore it didn't fill that part of me.  I ended up treating them worse than I treated the women that treated me poorly.

That brings me to this part of my life.  I am mature enough to know that being treated well is rare and I am lucky to have it.  Mistress treats we well, but she also doesn't let me get away with treating her poorly.  She can be demanding which obviously fills a need for me.  She can be very nice as well which fills a need for my non-kinky side.

All of that being said, I yearn to be more of a slave to Mistress.  This past weekend Mistress thought we should have some drinks.  I didn't realize it and she went into the kitchen to make them.  When I noticed, I said "don't you think I should be making you a drink?  What good is having a slave if you don't use him?"  She realized that I was right and came back to the sofa to let me serve her.  As it should be. 

Last night I tried to peel some shrimp we were having for dinner.  She wouldn't let me.  We have some stuff going on in our lives that makes me think she is trying to serve me, to show appreciation for some sacrifices I am making for the 2 of us.  While I appreciate the gesture, I would rather she not serve me.  I would rather she make me serve her.

Even though I am older and more mature and I appreciate the balance we have in our relationship, I still want to be used.  It fulfills something deep inside of me.  I want to be used to make her life easier and I even want to be used in ways that tests my willingness to serve.  I am going to list a bunch of ideas down below along with my 'I'm not topping from the bottom' disclaimer.  It's important to note that some of these things seem mean or even bully-ish, but that's if you aren't wired the way I am.  It's like opposite world, nice is mean and mean is nice.

Ideas below - not topping from the bottom.
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I started a list of specific things.  I deleted it.  There is no need for a detailed list.  If Mistress needs ideas there are plenty in this blog, there are plenty in communications we have had over the years, and there are plenty of ideas with a quick search of the internet. 

This is a good synopsis of what I am hoping to communicate with this post.

Chastity - you rule the penis, you rule the man

Power - accept (and use) your power over your slave

Delegate - whatever it is your are doing, decide if your slave should be doing it. Remember, this fulfills him even if he doesn't like the task at hand.

Sexual Satisfaction - make sure you are sexually satisfied, that will satisfy your slave.

Discipline - regular discipline to reinforce your dynamic, daily or weekly as necessary.

Humiliation - can be a fun and effective way to keep the male ego in check

Feminization - keep your slave in a certain state of mind

Subspace - making sure your slave goes into sub-space frequently keeps him grounded

Rituals - set a tone of submission for him



   

        

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