Sunday, September 10, 2017


Mistress appears to have taken my recent blog postings to heart.  Yesterday afternoon, we had another intense scene.

I went upstairs and get things ready.  I puled the bondage straps out from under the bed.  I put my wrist and ankle restraints on.  I pulled out several toys and striking implements so Mistress could decide what she wanted to use.  I put towels on the bed, put some music on and dimmed the lights.  I laid on the bed, blindfolded myself and tied 3 of my limbs to the bed straps.

Mistress came in the room.  She restrained my 4th limb and tightened the straps down TIGHT.  Mistress put 8-10 clothespins on my scrotum as well as clover nipple clamps on my nipples.  I had recently added the clover clamps to the toy drawer as the clothespins are not intense enough for me. Mistress stroked my cock while lecturing me about my recent attitude.  She continued lecturing me and telling me how things were going to go from now on as she pulled the clothespins off of my scrotum causing me to gasp.

Mistress added rubber bands to my upper thighs and proceeded to snap them.  Out of all the implements we have used so far, these leave the best marks.  I was fortunate that Mistress put 3-4 bands together.  Combined, the pain they created was less sharp than a single band.

Mistress would hit the insides of my thighs and when the pain got too much she would stroke my cock to bring me back to my desperate horny state.

I lost track of time as Mistress continued to alternate between torture and pleasure.  Mistress told me how she intends on taking me to a local drag queen event.  First to observe, with the goal of taking me out in public the next time we go.  The thought scares me to death but also excites me.  At some point I will end up being fully feminized in public.  

Mistress also talked about putting me on a points system.  The more I serve her, the quicker I get to have scenes I enjoy.  Mistress also told me that she was going to start holding me much more accountable and enforce punishments much, much quicker.  I assured her that I want to be held to the highest standard and am willing to pay dearly for not serving her well.  I need to be doing more around the house.  To me this means I need to be doing chores while Mistress relaxes on the couch.  I would like there to be a 'honey-do' list every day.  I would like Mistress to remember that I am wired differently.  Having a list of tasks and being held accountable to complete it would really reinforce our D/s dynamic. There will be some challenges and push back from me, as she pushes me harder, but we both know I will be more fulfilled the more totally I am controlled.

At one point Mistress climbed on my face with her facing my feet.  She planted her pussy on my mouth.  I licked her as furiously as I could.  I tried to reach her asshole with my tongue.  I probably went about this the wrong way.  My intention was to show her how much I want to orally serve her.  I want to be consumed by her pussy.  I want to earn the privilege to be allowed to put my tongue in her asshole.  What I think I did is I went too fast and it wasn't doing anything for her.  I really do want to casually spend an hour or more between her legs worshiping her pussy.

I believe I almost got fucked in the ass with a strap-on, but I think a wardrobe malfunction occurred so instead of an ass fucking Mistress just put the dildo in my ass.  I kept wishing it was bigger and deeper.   

I am guessing after about 30 minutes, Mistress removed one of the nipple clamps and immediately rubbed the nipple.  OMG!  It was probably the most painful thing she did to me all afternoon.  Which is surprising considering how many times she hit my balls, smacked the rubber bands and hit me hard with implements.  That was until she the took off the second nipple clamp and rubbed my nipple which again was intensely painful.  On a scale of 1-10, my nipples are still sore at a level 1.  I was hoping for a residual pain level of 5-6.   

The longer the scene went on, the more I confessed my total and complete surrender to Mistress.  I confessed that I have totally embraced chastity.  For years I have resisted it unless it was for entertainment purposes, but now I believe it is in my best interest to be locked 24/7 for the rest of my life.  Release should only be for Mistress' pleasure.  I also confessed I have now accepted my feminine side.  I truly believe I am more subservient when I am dressed, perfumed, erotically shamed, etc.  My bad attitude is when my masculine side tries to take over.  I begged Mistress to keep pushing my feminization so that I naturally choose feminine over masculine.  I need encouragement if not outright force in the afternoons and evenings, when my libido is lower, as deep down I want to be dressed.  I just need help getting me over my last bit of resistance.  Lastly I confessed how much I want to kneel at her feet.  I think this act alone is a very powerful one.  Much like a queen asks her subjects to 'bend the knee' to show they serve her, and her alone.  It might feel uncomfortable the first few times, but I would bet a large sum of money that she would get used to it and eventually love the symbolism of me kneeling before her.  I would go into subspace very quickly with just this act alone.  It also a good position to orally pleasure her.

Mistress mounted my cock and rode me.  I really thought she was going to make me cum inside her and them make me clean her out. but she had other ideas.  We are going on a long trip soon.  I tend to get stressed and snarky when we travel and having an orgasm would just increase the chance for me to have a bad attitude.  I was to have no orgasm.  Instead Mistress gave me some instructions for the week.  I am to continue to stay in chastity until we leave and had to lock myself up the second we got done.  I hope she intends to keep me locked until the morning of our trip and not release me the night before.  I truly don't want kindness and mercy.  I am also required to wear my largest butt plug for 2 hours every day until we leave (I am wearing it now).  That being said, I believe I should wear it on the morning of our trip as well.  She also mentioned that we would be having another intense scene as a preventative measure at the end of the week.  That way when I get stressed and snarky she can remind me of what will happen if I don't change my attitude.  I am wishing we have a 'daily lesson' so to speak.  

Mistress managed to edge and beat me until I was a mass of submissive putty.  I don't think there was anything I wouldn't have done at that point.  She owned me.

Before Mistress untied me I asked her if I could add a few tasks to myself that I knew I would regret.  She indulged me.  I asked to wear my bikini in out hot tub.  She told me that I could.  I also asked to wear something slutty the rest of the night and she told me no.  I asked if I could wear pink leggings and a pink camisole and she said I could.

Mistress then untied one of my limbs  She told me to untie myself and that I would now be pleasuring her.  She ran off to the bathroom while I untied myself.  I was in such a state of subspace and pure desire to serve that I untied myself and knelt on the bed awaiting her arrival.  I was still wearing my blindfold and restraints.  Mistress came back from the bathroom and laid on the bed.  She told me to use my fingers inside her.  I begged to be allowed to go down on her first.  She told me 'no'.  I am pretty sure it's because she just went to the bathroom, but I knew that.  I really wanted to lick the remaining drops of piss from her pussy.  I can't think of a more submissive way to express my true desire and devotion than to do such an act.  It is also deep rooted in my brain as it goes back to my very first submissive fantasies I had as a pre-teen.

I obeyed Mistress and started to put my fingers in Mistress and instead she changed her and and told me to fuck her.  I did, much better than I expected but still was on the edge fast.  I then made her cum several times and she squirted quite a bit.  This made me want to grab a glass and catch her juices and drink them up.  She made me fuck her again.  This time I got too close to the edge.  I should have dribbled, but somehow did not.  Mistress was not having any more of that.  She had me make her cum a few more times and then she announced she was done.  I was disappointed as I didn't want this feeling to end.  Ever.

She had me clean up the room and put everything away.  I hate having to clean up after a scene, but being made to do so put me in the right frame of mind.  I am a slave and I don't get to decide what I want to do.  We then went to the hot tub. I was wearing my bikini.  If any of our neighbors were outside paying attention, there could have been 3-4 that could have seen me.  I was in such sub-space that I really didn't care.  I could see that becoming a new requirement.  Sitting in a hot tub in a bikini is way naughtier than being nude.  The feminine reinforcement is powerful.  

The bottom half of my bikini

After the hot tub, I did put on my pink leggings and camisole and made us dinner.  Mistress did a great job of reminding me of my outfit and my position as her slave.  I forgot to wear my butt plug when we got out of the hot tub.  I am fortunate Mistress reminded me as I was able to put it in at bedtime and sleep with it in for a few hours.  If I were her, I would have let me fail so I could have punished me for it.  I'm mean like that.  

At bedtime I thanked Mistress for her abuse.  I also encouraged her to keep at it.  This morning as I write this I am encouraged where this is heading.  I am still in pretty strong sub-space and am willing to do absolutely anything.  Mistress has now had a couple scenes where she has shown an ability to be mean.  I am truly scared of disobeying which is something I can only say a few times not only in this relationship but in my entire life.  I want to live in a certain state of fear because that fear is what will get me through my resistance and disobedience.  Fear will free me.



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