Last night before bed Mistress suggested that I skip my butt plug training today. I asked why and she said she didn't it to cause any damage. She is probably right that it's good to take a break once in a while. When I woke up this morning I was and still am super horny. I remembered her suggestion and considered what it meant. While it was suggested, it was an order. Mistress likes to make her orders sound less like an order and more like a suggestion. I have learned that regardless of the phrasing I am expected to obey.
When I realized I would be unplugged today I was a bit sad. I have grown accustomed to all aspects of it. Lubing it up. Trying to insert it. Feeling the widest part as it slips inside me. Sitting on it. Feeling it when I walk. Having it rub on my prostate. Flexing my sphincter so I can feel it more. The mental humiliation of having a surrogate cock in my ass for hours and days. Fantasizing about Mistress stretching my hole so that she can fuck my ass or use the fucking machine on me. Having to remove it and the emptiness I feel once its removed. I am missing it all this morning. I feel empty.
I considered disobeying. I could have made some excuse about it being a suggestion or that I wanted to show my devotion to her training. But that is not an option at this stage. I have pushed too hard and I can't do that any longer. I just need to do what I am told. To obey without question.
Yesterday, Mistress commented that she liked my anklet. A bit of pride flowed through me just before a rush of erotic humiliation did. It was perfect. Since I woke up so horny today and I was missing my plug I wanted to add something new. Since Mistress commented on my anklet a piece of jewelry seemed like a good idea. I looked through one of my drawers and found in clip-on dangling earring and I couldn't find the other. So I looked in a bag I keep under my bathroom sink. In it is a ton of makeup for when Mistress has me get fully made up. I also have fake nails, perfume samples emery boards, eyelash curlers, etc. I also found some jewelry. I found a pair of dangling earrings as well as a pair of hoop earrings. I think hoop earrings are kind of slutty (in a good way) so I chose them. I recently heard this quote, 'The bigger the hoop, the bigger the hole'. It was a derogatory way to describe girls with large hoop earrings. Kind of appropriate since my hole has been plugged and stretched recently. I also found either a bracelet or an anklet with pink butterfly's on it. I didn't open the package as I didn't want to wake Mistress. I kind of hope it's a bracelet as I am kind of digging the idea of accessories to enhance my daily attire.
Now the part I am a bit ashamed to admit. While I was digging through mounds of makeup, I decided I just had to wear some. I picked a pink tinted lip balm and clear mascara. After getting dressed in panties, black bra and inserts and another cocktail type dress, I put on my earrings, anklet and proceeded to the spare bathroom. There I put on my mascara and lip balm. I was regretting the lip balm and wished I picked a slutty lipstick color.
Now I sit here writing this post. My head is spinning with submissive and very feminine feelings. I am a hot mess. My earrings moving every time my head moves, reminding me just how far down this rabbit hole I have gone. I am flexing my sphincter trying to get that familiar feeling and I feel nothing. I am realizing I haven't spilled one drop of cum in 17 days. And that I have only had one satisfying orgasm in the last 112 days and that one was 57 days ago. No wonder I am such a hot mess. By not focusing on my fantasies so much and just living in the moment, I am able to fully enjoy my submission.
When I realized I would be unplugged today I was a bit sad. I have grown accustomed to all aspects of it. Lubing it up. Trying to insert it. Feeling the widest part as it slips inside me. Sitting on it. Feeling it when I walk. Having it rub on my prostate. Flexing my sphincter so I can feel it more. The mental humiliation of having a surrogate cock in my ass for hours and days. Fantasizing about Mistress stretching my hole so that she can fuck my ass or use the fucking machine on me. Having to remove it and the emptiness I feel once its removed. I am missing it all this morning. I feel empty.
I considered disobeying. I could have made some excuse about it being a suggestion or that I wanted to show my devotion to her training. But that is not an option at this stage. I have pushed too hard and I can't do that any longer. I just need to do what I am told. To obey without question.
Yesterday, Mistress commented that she liked my anklet. A bit of pride flowed through me just before a rush of erotic humiliation did. It was perfect. Since I woke up so horny today and I was missing my plug I wanted to add something new. Since Mistress commented on my anklet a piece of jewelry seemed like a good idea. I looked through one of my drawers and found in clip-on dangling earring and I couldn't find the other. So I looked in a bag I keep under my bathroom sink. In it is a ton of makeup for when Mistress has me get fully made up. I also have fake nails, perfume samples emery boards, eyelash curlers, etc. I also found some jewelry. I found a pair of dangling earrings as well as a pair of hoop earrings. I think hoop earrings are kind of slutty (in a good way) so I chose them. I recently heard this quote, 'The bigger the hoop, the bigger the hole'. It was a derogatory way to describe girls with large hoop earrings. Kind of appropriate since my hole has been plugged and stretched recently. I also found either a bracelet or an anklet with pink butterfly's on it. I didn't open the package as I didn't want to wake Mistress. I kind of hope it's a bracelet as I am kind of digging the idea of accessories to enhance my daily attire.
Now the part I am a bit ashamed to admit. While I was digging through mounds of makeup, I decided I just had to wear some. I picked a pink tinted lip balm and clear mascara. After getting dressed in panties, black bra and inserts and another cocktail type dress, I put on my earrings, anklet and proceeded to the spare bathroom. There I put on my mascara and lip balm. I was regretting the lip balm and wished I picked a slutty lipstick color.
Now I sit here writing this post. My head is spinning with submissive and very feminine feelings. I am a hot mess. My earrings moving every time my head moves, reminding me just how far down this rabbit hole I have gone. I am flexing my sphincter trying to get that familiar feeling and I feel nothing. I am realizing I haven't spilled one drop of cum in 17 days. And that I have only had one satisfying orgasm in the last 112 days and that one was 57 days ago. No wonder I am such a hot mess. By not focusing on my fantasies so much and just living in the moment, I am able to fully enjoy my submission.
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