Making Chastity More Challenging and Frustrating

The last couple of days, I have woken up, extremely frustrated and horny.  Mistress was out of bed before me and I yearned for the days when I could edge myself and cum whenever I wanted.  It's been 3 weeks since my last orgasm and the need to cum is back up, but I can also see where I am yet again getting used to not cumming.  I was reminded of my recent post about how I believe that occasional orgasms "remind" me of what it is like to have one and that makes the denial more real.

As I was laying in bed this morning I started to wonder if it would be possible to increase frustration and desperation without the occasional orgasm.  Of course my early morning, testosterone-fueled libido took over and my mind took over.  Here is what I came up with.

• Occasionally being required to take viagra while locked up
• Having to send Mistress pictures of myself locked up
• Verbal teasing and taunting of me being a chastity slave
• Going down on Mistress while staying locked up
• Using my mouth and fingers on Mistress as much as she wants while staying locked up
• Mistress masturbating herself and telling me how many times she cums every day without me
• Using a strap-on to fuck Mistress while my chastity device smacks helplessly against Mistress
  
        
• Unlocking and being tied down to endure a long teasing session and locking back up afterward
• Frequent anal stimulation (plugs or strap on) to ensure only pleasure is anal
• prostate stimulation while locked
• Bedtime teasing through my cage
• Being released and made to fuck without cumming.  This is the riskiest as I almost always leak too much.
• Rough BDSM scene while locked the entire time.
• Feminine attire to enforce the emasculating effect of chastity.

All in all, I think there could be a lot of ways to increase the frustration of chastity while still keeping me denied.  The best part is Mistress should have all of the orgasms she can handle and we can still be intimate and make sure she is pleased.  

  

Punitive Chastity, Prostate and Play

Mistress will be occupied during the day for the next few days.  This gives me some time to be a bit naughty.  This morning started with me trying out my new impossibly small chastity device. I just got back from a bike ride wearing it.

My goal is to wear it at least until bedtime tonight.  I'd love to be forced to wear it for a few days.

Next I put in my prostate massager.  I'm hoping this will rub my prostate into a frenzy and possibly get me leaking a bit without any stimulation to my cock.

And now I am deciding whether or not to dress a bit feminine today or to try some self bondage, or both.  It's been quite a while since I have done either. 

New Record Set

Today is my 73rd day without an orgasm which is a new record by one day.  It's also my 71st day locked in chastity, which crushes my old record of 29 days.  I never believed the stories of guys that had been locked on chastity for weeks, months and possibly years.  I am a believer now.  I realize that it takes a strong commitment on both the wearer as well as the key holder.  It's not fun when just one person is living the chastity lifestyle. 

Breaking this record had my mind thinking of new records to beat.  Some of the ones I came up with are as follows.

Time spent in the cage - I think my current record is 2.5 hours. 

Number of cane strikes - we will have to start keeping track of the number of solid strike so we can set new records.

Number of orgasms I give Mistress before I am allowed one.

Hours spent tied up.

Number of orgasms in a short period of time.  One of the better mind-fucks I have seen is where a guy is kept orgasm free for months.  He keeps begging and begging to be allowed to cum, and when his Mistress finally relents she forces as many as she can out of him in 2-4 hours.  So many orgasms that he is begging her to stop.

Number of hours spent not wearing any male clothes.

Hours wearing a bra.

Hours spent standing in high heels.

Number of seconds of breath play.

Time spent kneeling.

Number of lines written.

Number of clothespins on body or part of body.

Pounds of weight hanging from my balls.

Hours standing in the corner.

Number of times my cock leaks without an orgasm during a teasing session.

Number of hours with a butt plug in.  I would guess is 5 or 6 hours, but don't know since I have never kept track.

I find it interesting that setting a record makes me want to keep setting records.  A horny submissive Olympics so to speak. 
    

Remote Control

I have mentioned that we have a remote control shocking dog collar that has been adapted to be locked around my cock and balls allowing Mistress to punish me at a distance.  It's a very simple device as in it only shocks and the levels have to be manually changed.

Yesterday I ran across a blog for a couple that is in a Female Led Relationship.  She uses a newer more advanced shocking collar.  This one has a function to beep and another function to vibrate. This is nice because it can be used to summon  slave or warn them, before actually shocking them.  It can be used as a real training device vs a punish only device.  The severity of the shock has 100 levels and can be changed on the remote.  They are rechargeable, waterproof and surprisingly inexpensive.

Mistress also has the ability to monitor my location 24/7 from her phone.  It's surprisingly hot to know that Mistress can keep tabs on me like that.

We also have security cameras in the house that can be moved around so that if Mistress wanted to she could keep close tabs on me.  Now that we both work form home the cameras aren't as much of a control device.

That brings me to remote control sex toys.  For years there have been cheaply made but expensive remote control sex toys.  These toys such as butt plugs, vibrating panties, and vibrating eggs were great in theory, but terrible in the real world.  They cost a lot of money, they were noisy, they didn't have great range and they tended to stop working very quickly.

That has all changed.  The latest versions of these toys are extremely well made.  They are rechargeable,  they are very quiet, and they can work at incredibly long distance so long as you have a smart phone.  I have seen them in the past and though they would be fun, but when I saw the video below, I realized all of the potential uses for toys like these.



The device above is called the Lovense Lush.  It's controlled by Bluetooth and an app from your phone.  You can control it manually, or you can use one of the many patterns.  There is also a library of over 5,000 patterns from other users.  The device can also be sound activated or synced to music.  Some of the devices can be synced so when one device moves, the other reacts.  The best part is that it can be used around the world since it syncs to your phone.  It's like text messaging a sex act.

They make many more devices.  A male masturbating sleeve, a more traditional vibrator, a prostate massager, a Hitachi style device, and a few more similar variations.     

I would love to tie Mistress down and edge her with the lush for as long as possible.  Lying next to her, and being able to drive her crazy.  I would love the same treatment with a butt plug or prostate massager in my ass.  This would be especially hot when I go out of town for work, or when when one of us leaves the house.  I think the funnest thing would be for us each to be wearing a device and for us to go out to dinner or a movie or shopping.  It would be a battle, with each of us trying to mess with the other person or even better giving the other person an orgasm in public.  Lastly, I could see the butt plug or prostate massager being used on me to summon me when Mistress wants something.

Has anyone used a device like this?

   


  

Obsession and Distraction

Once in a while Mistress will make a comment that triggers something inside me that makes me obsess about it.  Not only do I obsess about it, it tends to take me to places I didn't intend on going.  Here is my latest obsession that drifted into something entirely different. 

A few days ago Mistress mentioned that I should watch my attitude, because being locked in the cage in a straitjacket with the shocking device locked on my balls doesn't sound like too much fun.  I replied something to the effect of "to you it might not sound fun".  Since then I have been obsessing about it.  Not so much about the cage, but about something similar.

My first real thought was me thinking of being put into the straight jacket I would lie in the center of one of our spare beds.  My feet would be tied so I would be forced to lie on my back.  I would be blindfolded with earplugs in my ears with white noise playing.  I would be left like this for hours.  Abandoned. 

Then of course, my mind kept going further down the path.  Instead of just being abandoned I imagined having the E-stim box hooked up to me with one set of wires going into a metal butt plug in my ass and bands around my cock.  Mistress would put the settings on the 'torment' function and leave me while my ass and genital are assaulted with electricity.

Then my mind shifted to back to being abandoned for long periods of time.  My mind went darker and realized that the need to go to the bathroom limits the amount of time a slave can be left alone.  It seems that for long term isolation bondage, diapers are frequently used.  Talk about a mind fuck.  Not only are you restricted from moving, but your can't see or hear.  Now your most basic body function is used in your punishment.  I can only imagine how long I would fight to not relieve my self in such a humiliating fashion.  One could be safely left for hours like this.  The inability to move would be excruciating, in a good sadistic way.  The mental anguish of not knowing the time, how long you will be left there and then having to relieve yourself is a very powerful reminder of the control you have given up.  

When I found the image above, I stumbled across another image that I assume only came up because of the diaper.  Apparently these onsies can be used with diapers for adult baby scenes.  These outfits are for people that have a 'little' fetish.  They are unisex and made for people of ALL sizes.  Now I am not into the adult baby fetish one bit, but these outfits do speak to my feminization and humiliation fetish.  I can imagine having to wear one around the house, to bed at night or in a scene of some sort.  The humiliation factor would be extremely high.  

So there you have a perfect example of how my brain works.  It obsesses, but it's also extremely diverse in what appeals to my submissive side.  

     

Ordeal in the cage

Shortly after finishing yesterday's blog post Mistress came downstairs around 7:30 am.  I made her coffee and she asked me what time the store opened.  I told her 10 am.  She said it was time for me to be caged and for me to get ready.

I went upstairs and inserted my butt plug.  I came back down stairs and then headed to the basement.  Mistress was to follow.  I grabbed the straight jacket from the toy closet under the stairs and headed into the room that had the cage.  I undressed.  As I was removing my bra and inserts I was wondering how they would feel under the straight jacket.  I sat on the floor and put on my 8-inch ballet heels.  They lace and have an ankle strap.  I put my feet through the loops that go between the legs to keep the jacket from being raised.  Once I was in, I arranged those straps against the butt plug and proceeded to put my arms in the jacket.  Mistress buckled the main straps and left the arm straps undone so I could climb in the cage.  Once in the cage she pulled the arm straps crossing my arms in front of me and tightly buckled it down.  I was left kneeling in the cage when Mistress latched it behind me.  She agreed that she didn't need to lock it as I was completely helpless.  She very unceremoniously turned of the lights and left the room. 

I sat on my knees for a few minutes until I realized I needed a more comfortable position.  I put my head on the ground and rolled onto my side with a thud.  After much more struggling I was able to get on my back.  I was stuck.  I spent close to the next 2 hours trying to find comfortable positions.  Once I found a relatively comfortable position it was only comfortable for about 10 minutes before pressure points would start hurting.  I also had to avoin laying my head on the bars of the cage.  I knew they went put impressions on my skull and we had to run errands when I got released. 

I repeated a phrase out loud several times about not talking back or talking down to Mistress.  I imagined having to repeat it for the entire time I was in the cage out loud.  We had a baby monitor outside of the cage so Mistress could easily require some such rule in the future.  I also tried to take a nap.  My mind was racing too much for that to happen.  I imagined putting the baby monitor on top of the cage with a rule that I am not allowed to shut my eyes. 

I also had many, many fantasies.  In the spirit of keeping from being a pushy bottom, I will generalize them here and not go into detail.  I fantasized about how to make the cage time even more uncomfortable or miserable.  I thought about Mistress making be do or say things things before I was released.  I also though about non-cage related things.  The longer I was in the cage, the darker and more depraved my thoughts became. 

At one point I was able to wiggle and shift my arms low enough to grab the the lock on my chastity device.  I was able to push and pull on the lock enough to get some friction on my cock.  I wondered if Mistress was seeing me do this through the baby monitor and whether I should stop or not.  After 60 seconds or so, my cock got hard enough that the friction stopped and my hand was cramping at the same time due to how hard I had to struggle to do this.  That experiment was fruitless.

The butt plug.  Wow.  The straps that go between the legs really pushed up against the butt plug.  Every time I moved to find a more comfortable position, the butt plug was reminding me of my situation.  It was pressed so tightly that even breathing made me feel it in my ass.  When I would sigh, the plugged pressed even further.  It was pressed so tightly inside me that when I would try to flex my sphincter it didn't move.   My ass felt thoroughly used by the time I was released. 

I have been locked in the cage 3 or 4 times before this.  This time was the worst by far.  It's the first time that the time in the cage seemed to be more than the actual time.  Mistress let me out 5-10 minutes early of the 2 hour mark and I was thinking she left me in for 30-60 minutes longer.  This was by far the most helpless I have ever felt.  She could have just as easily left me on the floor and I would have been just as helpless.  The cage just made it hurt more.  I have come to the realization that the cage is not something to joke about.  Just because she hasn't 'broken' me with the cage yet, doesn't mean she can't.  I don't think I want to try.

When she finally did release me I was in complete drunken subspace.  I could barely move to assist my own release.  Mistress had to take off the ballet shoes and come partially in the cage to release my arms so that I could get out.  She left the room as unemotionally as she started my ordeal.

Looking back on it this experience was very hot to me.  Not in a sexual way.  The cage sucked.  There was no intimacy with it.  There was no emotion with it.  It was a punishment and nothing more or less.  It was not erotic although I tried to make it that way.  It was detached.  The reason it was hot was because Mistress controlled me completely.  She was cruel.  She was emotionless.  She didn't give the appearance to care how I did with it.  The realization that she could be cruel or crueler to me is what made it hot.

The rest of the day was uneventful as far as D/s is concerned, although I was certainly worked up as much as I ever have been.

This morning Mistress and I snuggled a bit.  I was tracing my fingers on Mistress legs and butt.  I was about to get out of bed and Mistress reached out with her foot.  I stayed in bed for a bit longer.  I continued to trace my fingers along her legs, ankles and feet.  I would trace along her leg where it meets her ass.  I traced her hip area and her stomach.  I traced her arms and neck.  I purposely avoided sexual areas for quite some time.  I teased her chest and she didn't stop me from teasing her breasts and nipples.  I took that as a good sign.  I traced my way back down her body to her pussy.  She let me proceed.  I rubbed her clit for a bit.  Mistress generally doesn't let me rub her clit long as she enjoys penetration much more.  Because of this I teases the opening to Mistress' pussy.  She was nicely wet. I teased her some more and the I inserted my finger a bit more.  Mistress commanded me back to her clit, I was surprised.  I re-positioned myself on my knees and continued to rub her clit.  I nuzzled my face against her neck.  Mistress reached over and rubbed my balls.  She commented on how full they were.  I assured her that it was her cruelty that was keeping me so aroused.  In very quick order Mistress came and she stopped me.  I tried force myself on her until she made it clear I was crossing a line.  I backed off to avoid cage time.  I imagined this becoming a daily ritual.  Waking Mistress up at a set time with my fingers and if she allows with an orgasm for her.  If I am out of bed already, a text message summoning me for her morning pleasure or to deliver coffee to her upstairs. 

Mistress told me to get dressed and make her coffee.  I asked what I should wear today as it was a home office kind of day.  She said "whatever you want".  I asked for clarification and she said I didn't have to dress feminine.  I was bummed, but decided I could still dress feminine today since it was my choice.  I couldn't dress that way right away or I wouldn't have time to make Mistress' coffee so I ran downstairs my nighty to make her coffee. 

I then went upstairs to get dressed.  I sprayed on my perfume.  I went to my panty drawer and picked out a pair of panties.  I then went to my feminine closet.  I picked out a red dress but decided against it as I didn't want bra straps showing.  I put it back and grabbed a black and white dress to wear.  As I picked up a bra to wear, I got insecure.  I can't get dressed up if Mistress doesn't want me to.  Mistress has gotten me over 99% of my macho insecurity, but apparently I still need a bit of encouragement or even better, coercion.  I put the bra back down, took off my panties and instead put on some male casual clothes.

In closing, the cage was miserable, but at the same time I was in heaven. Heaven because Mistress owned me and controlled me 100% at that time.  I was completely helpless, at her mercy and wanting to serve her even more.  That's the way it should be.                     

Upcoming punishment

Yesterday I had to work for a few hours.  When I got to work I realized I had forgotten some things I needed.  I texted Mistress and she offered to bring me my missing items.  When she got to where I was working, I met her at her car so she didn't have to come in.  I had intended Mistress to bring a stack of brochures and she brought 2.  However she was right, I didn't specify.  I was frustrated and spoke in a way that I shouldn't have to her.  When she left I realized the missing brochures were not a big deal as she brought me enough other items that I could use.  I texted to apologize and we talked about needing to improve my organizational skills.  Then she texted me this and you can see my reply.

         

I hate to admit it but I got an immediate hard on.  That being said I truly dislike the cage.  It's not a painful punishment, but it's uncomfortable  It's boring.  It's tedious and makes me reflect. A lot.  There are worse punishments, but this one is very easy for Mistress to administer.  

We got through the rest of the day, but a few times I tried to hit on Mistress she told me "no" and that I was forbidden to touch her or be intimate with her.    

At bedtime we got into bed.  Mistress told me I would be caged on Sunday at some point.  She also added that I would be be wearing my butt plug, my chastity device, a straight jacket and my 8-inch ballet shoes.  I got a hard-on.  Not because of the items she mentioned, but because the intends this to be more difficult than I thought she would.  I then said to her with a snarky tone "is that all?"  For some stupid reason I was trying to poke the bear.  

Then Mistress asked if I could be trusted to not wear my chastity device overnight and into the morning.  I then continued to be snarky with her by saying "I guess we will have to see".  She said if she suspected that I touched myself I would spend the entire day in the cage.  I said something to the effect of "if I tell you that is", and then I told her I would be fine.  She could trust me.  Within 10 seconds I knew that wasn't 100% true.  I am in such a state of mind right now, I can't even trust myself.  Especially when I am unsupervised from the time I wake up until I go to work.  The level of my horniness and submissiveness means I cannot be trusted.  I told Mistress that I indeed can't be trusted and that I would lock myself back up immediately.  After forcing my hard cock back into my CB-6000 device I left the key on Mistress' nightstand so that I wouldn't be tempted to mess with it in the morning.

I fell asleep until I had to use the restroom at around 2:30 AM.  As I crawled back into bed I contemplated the next day.  At some point in the day Mistress will likely ask if I am ready for my punishment.  I will say yes.  She will tell me to go plug myself and meet her down stairs in the basement.  I will arrive in the basement and will see things set up.  Mistress will have me remove my clothes.  I will have to sit on floor to put on the 8-inch ballet heels.  These make it so that I cannot stand or walk and that I must crawl.  These shows alone cripple me.  I will then lie back and slide the straight jacket straps over my ankles and then I will kneel so I can put my arms in it and raise it over my shoulders.  Mistress can then strap me tightly into it.  Getting into the cage will be awkward as I can't use my hands.  I have to use my face on the ground to crawl in.  Once in, Mistress will close the door, but with my hands in the jacket and my feet in the shoes, a lock is just redundant at this point. I will be here until she decides to release me.  

Then for at least 2 hours I will be left to lie there and contemplate.  I have been in the cage in the straight jacket once before, but then I was barefoot.  I was able to use my toes to grab the bars of the cage and move myself a bit to get comfortable.  I won't be able to do that today as I will be in those ballet heels.  The heels also have the effect of making the cage 8 inches shorter.  Add to that the straps of the straight jacket that go between the legs push the butt plug much deeper in my ass.  

So for at least 2 hours I will be lying there thinking of how I acted toward Mistress and my overall situation.  I will be fantasizing that Mistress is upstairs masturbating, so turned on by my situation, that she has to cum.  In all likely-hood she will be watching TV.  

I will also be counting my blessings that I have such a Mistress.  One that will not only tolerate my kinks, but one that will help me grow and train me the way we both know I need.  To punish me when I deserve it, which frankly I deserve more often.  It takes a very special woman to be able to be mean and cruel to a man she loves, but that it exactly what I need in my life.  I just need to be sure to be as sweet and kind and gentle with her, as that is what she needs.  

I am a very lucky man to have a firm and strict Mistress.

      

Slave Unplugged

Last night before bed Mistress suggested that I skip my butt plug training today.  I asked why and she said she didn't it to cause any damage.  She is probably right that it's good to take a break once in a while.  When I woke up this morning I was and still am super horny.  I remembered her suggestion and considered what it meant.  While it was suggested, it was an order.  Mistress likes to make her orders sound less like an order and more like a suggestion.  I have learned that regardless of the phrasing I am expected to obey.

When I realized I would be unplugged today I was a bit sad.  I have grown accustomed to all aspects of it.  Lubing it up.  Trying to insert it.  Feeling the widest part as it slips inside me.  Sitting on it.  Feeling it when I walk.  Having it rub on my prostate. Flexing my sphincter so I can feel it more.  The mental humiliation of having a surrogate cock in my ass for hours and days.  Fantasizing about Mistress stretching my hole so that she can fuck my ass or use the fucking machine on me.  Having to remove it and the emptiness I feel once its removed.  I am missing it all this morning.  I feel empty.

I considered disobeying. I could have made some excuse about it being a suggestion or that I wanted to show my devotion to her training.  But that is not an option at this stage.  I have pushed too hard and I can't do that any longer.  I just need to do what I am told.  To obey without question. 

Yesterday, Mistress commented that she liked my anklet.  A bit of pride flowed through me just before a rush of erotic humiliation did.  It was perfect.  Since I woke up so horny today and I was missing my plug I wanted to add something new.  Since Mistress commented on my anklet a piece of jewelry seemed like a good idea.  I looked through one of my drawers and found in clip-on dangling earring and I couldn't find the other.  So I looked in a bag I keep under my bathroom sink.  In it is a ton of makeup for when Mistress has me get fully made up.  I also have fake nails, perfume samples emery boards, eyelash curlers, etc.  I also found some jewelry.  I found a pair of dangling earrings as well as a pair of hoop earrings.  I think hoop earrings are kind of slutty (in a good way) so I chose them.  I recently heard this quote, 'The bigger the hoop, the bigger the hole'. It was a derogatory way to describe girls with large hoop earrings.  Kind of appropriate since my hole has been plugged and stretched recently.  I also found either a bracelet or an anklet with pink butterfly's on it.  I didn't open the package as I didn't want to wake Mistress.  I kind of hope it's a bracelet as I am kind of digging the idea of accessories to enhance my daily attire.

Now the part I am a bit ashamed to admit.  While I was digging through mounds of makeup, I decided I just had to wear some.  I picked a pink tinted lip balm and clear mascara.  After getting dressed in panties, black bra and inserts and another cocktail type dress, I put on my earrings, anklet and proceeded to the spare bathroom.  There I put on my mascara and lip balm.  I was regretting the lip balm and wished I picked a slutty lipstick color.

Now I sit here writing this post.  My head is spinning with submissive and very feminine feelings.  I am a hot mess.  My earrings moving every time my head moves, reminding me just how far down this rabbit hole I have gone.  I am flexing my sphincter trying to get that familiar feeling and I feel nothing.  I am realizing I haven't spilled one drop of cum in 17 days. And that I have only had one satisfying orgasm in the last 112 days and that one was 57 days ago.  No wonder I am such a hot mess.  By not focusing on my fantasies so much and just living in the moment, I am able to fully enjoy my submission.

Throwback Thursday

Old habits die hard.  Mistress and I went out with a friend last night for her birthday.  As a result I am a bit hungover today.  When I am hungover I am super horny and super submissive.   My intention this morning was to write a post about all the things I am fantasizing about.  I realized the error of my ways and and going to write about things since yesterdays post.  Living in the moment and appreciating it.

I left for work yesterday locked in chastity.  It was an uneventful day, but after being plugged for 4 hours in the previous 24 hours I still felt like I had something in my ass.  I came home and changed and Mistress and I met our friend.  We had some drinks and an appetizer while we all chatted.  We then went to another bar to meet another friend and grab some dinner.  I enjoyed being the one guy with 3 women.  Or friend commented on how Mistress and I are her 'relationship ideal'.  If she only knew we were in a Female Led relationship and that I was submissive to Mistress.

We came home and got ready for bed.  I put on my nighty and got into bed before Mistress.  When Mistress got into bed she started stroking my balls.  She commented that she didn't like this device as much as my other one because my cock is completely covered.  She like the device that goes through my piercing and covers the head and glans.  That was she can stroke my cock, but I can't get real pleasure out of it.  I assured her that I was being sufficiently teased with this device and that changing devices every few days was going to be the key to keeping me locked 24/7 indefinitely.  Mistress fell asleep teasing my cock.  It's the second time this week she has done that.  It's a beautiful way to fall asleep. 

This morning I woke up extra horny.  I plugged myself while still in my nighty.  I put on my shortest skirt, panties and a low cut blouse with a matching bra (tightened as much as possible).  Before I put my heels on I was wanting to up the ante somehow.  I went into my drawer in the bathroom.  If I remembered correctly I had a piece of womens jewelry in the drawer, but I wasn't sure if it was an anklet, bracelet, or clip on earrings.  It took a minute but I found a rhinestone anklet.  Perfect!  I added it to today's outfit and I feel just a tad more like a slut.  I don't think anklets are slutty, I think they are sexy.  However on a grown man wearing women's clothes, it makes me feel slutty.

That's the post for today.  In honor of the title of this blog post, I went back to the beginning and found a few hot posts.  Here they are.

Getting Caught Up - Sunday, January 9, 2011

Good scene - Monday, May 23, 2011

Things are going to change - Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Feeling Feminine

Now that Mistress has started enforcing my feminine attire again I am in quite a mental state.  Add my chastity to the mix and I am very ramped up.  Also, now that I have refocused on living in the moment vs. fantasizing about what else Mistress can do to me, I am learning to embrace what is happening to me as it happens.

This morning I again chose a dress that you are more likely to find at a nightclub than at home or an office.  I am feeling very feminine and want to act out in a really slutty and shameless way.  What really changes how I feel is the massive bra inserts I am wearing.  They are heavy and they protrude obscenely.  I have had to tighten my bra quite a bit to hold them in.  When I walk, they shimmy, especially in my higher heels.  My dress is short, so short I have to keep pulling it down.  My head is spinning due to the way I an feeling. 

I didn't have time this morning to plug myself so when I get home for work, I will bend over the bathtub and put my large plug in my ass.  I will fantasize about Mistress forcing her cock in my ass after I just was on my knees sucking it.

The more I think about it I am reminded of something I have been seeing online.  It's called Bimbo Fetish or Bimbofication.  I like these 2 definitions.

1.  Bimbofication is a type of fetish and genre of fan art in which people are transformed into hypersexualized caricatures of themselves, typically featuring exaggerated secondary sexual characteristics.
2.  The process of transforming into an airheaded slut, perfectly happy to be used and degraded.

This is a good example of how I feel when I wake up, loaded with hormones.  Between my orgasm denial, perfume, butt plug and my feminine attire, I am yearning to be used and degraded.

Gotta run!  Busy day.

Uh-Oh

Mistress appears to have taken my recent blog postings to heart.  Yesterday afternoon, we had another intense scene.

I went upstairs and get things ready.  I puled the bondage straps out from under the bed.  I put my wrist and ankle restraints on.  I pulled out several toys and striking implements so Mistress could decide what she wanted to use.  I put towels on the bed, put some music on and dimmed the lights.  I laid on the bed, blindfolded myself and tied 3 of my limbs to the bed straps.

Mistress came in the room.  She restrained my 4th limb and tightened the straps down TIGHT.  Mistress put 8-10 clothespins on my scrotum as well as clover nipple clamps on my nipples.  I had recently added the clover clamps to the toy drawer as the clothespins are not intense enough for me. Mistress stroked my cock while lecturing me about my recent attitude.  She continued lecturing me and telling me how things were going to go from now on as she pulled the clothespins off of my scrotum causing me to gasp.

Mistress added rubber bands to my upper thighs and proceeded to snap them.  Out of all the implements we have used so far, these leave the best marks.  I was fortunate that Mistress put 3-4 bands together.  Combined, the pain they created was less sharp than a single band.

Mistress would hit the insides of my thighs and when the pain got too much she would stroke my cock to bring me back to my desperate horny state.

I lost track of time as Mistress continued to alternate between torture and pleasure.  Mistress told me how she intends on taking me to a local drag queen event.  First to observe, with the goal of taking me out in public the next time we go.  The thought scares me to death but also excites me.  At some point I will end up being fully feminized in public.  

Mistress also talked about putting me on a points system.  The more I serve her, the quicker I get to have scenes I enjoy.  Mistress also told me that she was going to start holding me much more accountable and enforce punishments much, much quicker.  I assured her that I want to be held to the highest standard and am willing to pay dearly for not serving her well.  I need to be doing more around the house.  To me this means I need to be doing chores while Mistress relaxes on the couch.  I would like there to be a 'honey-do' list every day.  I would like Mistress to remember that I am wired differently.  Having a list of tasks and being held accountable to complete it would really reinforce our D/s dynamic. There will be some challenges and push back from me, as she pushes me harder, but we both know I will be more fulfilled the more totally I am controlled.

At one point Mistress climbed on my face with her facing my feet.  She planted her pussy on my mouth.  I licked her as furiously as I could.  I tried to reach her asshole with my tongue.  I probably went about this the wrong way.  My intention was to show her how much I want to orally serve her.  I want to be consumed by her pussy.  I want to earn the privilege to be allowed to put my tongue in her asshole.  What I think I did is I went too fast and it wasn't doing anything for her.  I really do want to casually spend an hour or more between her legs worshiping her pussy.

I believe I almost got fucked in the ass with a strap-on, but I think a wardrobe malfunction occurred so instead of an ass fucking Mistress just put the dildo in my ass.  I kept wishing it was bigger and deeper.   

I am guessing after about 30 minutes, Mistress removed one of the nipple clamps and immediately rubbed the nipple.  OMG!  It was probably the most painful thing she did to me all afternoon.  Which is surprising considering how many times she hit my balls, smacked the rubber bands and hit me hard with implements.  That was until she the took off the second nipple clamp and rubbed my nipple which again was intensely painful.  On a scale of 1-10, my nipples are still sore at a level 1.  I was hoping for a residual pain level of 5-6.   

The longer the scene went on, the more I confessed my total and complete surrender to Mistress.  I confessed that I have totally embraced chastity.  For years I have resisted it unless it was for entertainment purposes, but now I believe it is in my best interest to be locked 24/7 for the rest of my life.  Release should only be for Mistress' pleasure.  I also confessed I have now accepted my feminine side.  I truly believe I am more subservient when I am dressed, perfumed, erotically shamed, etc.  My bad attitude is when my masculine side tries to take over.  I begged Mistress to keep pushing my feminization so that I naturally choose feminine over masculine.  I need encouragement if not outright force in the afternoons and evenings, when my libido is lower, as deep down I want to be dressed.  I just need help getting me over my last bit of resistance.  Lastly I confessed how much I want to kneel at her feet.  I think this act alone is a very powerful one.  Much like a queen asks her subjects to 'bend the knee' to show they serve her, and her alone.  It might feel uncomfortable the first few times, but I would bet a large sum of money that she would get used to it and eventually love the symbolism of me kneeling before her.  I would go into subspace very quickly with just this act alone.  It also a good position to orally pleasure her.

Mistress mounted my cock and rode me.  I really thought she was going to make me cum inside her and them make me clean her out. but she had other ideas.  We are going on a long trip soon.  I tend to get stressed and snarky when we travel and having an orgasm would just increase the chance for me to have a bad attitude.  I was to have no orgasm.  Instead Mistress gave me some instructions for the week.  I am to continue to stay in chastity until we leave and had to lock myself up the second we got done.  I hope she intends to keep me locked until the morning of our trip and not release me the night before.  I truly don't want kindness and mercy.  I am also required to wear my largest butt plug for 2 hours every day until we leave (I am wearing it now).  That being said, I believe I should wear it on the morning of our trip as well.  She also mentioned that we would be having another intense scene as a preventative measure at the end of the week.  That way when I get stressed and snarky she can remind me of what will happen if I don't change my attitude.  I am wishing we have a 'daily lesson' so to speak.  

Mistress managed to edge and beat me until I was a mass of submissive putty.  I don't think there was anything I wouldn't have done at that point.  She owned me.

Before Mistress untied me I asked her if I could add a few tasks to myself that I knew I would regret.  She indulged me.  I asked to wear my bikini in out hot tub.  She told me that I could.  I also asked to wear something slutty the rest of the night and she told me no.  I asked if I could wear pink leggings and a pink camisole and she said I could.

Mistress then untied one of my limbs  She told me to untie myself and that I would now be pleasuring her.  She ran off to the bathroom while I untied myself.  I was in such a state of subspace and pure desire to serve that I untied myself and knelt on the bed awaiting her arrival.  I was still wearing my blindfold and restraints.  Mistress came back from the bathroom and laid on the bed.  She told me to use my fingers inside her.  I begged to be allowed to go down on her first.  She told me 'no'.  I am pretty sure it's because she just went to the bathroom, but I knew that.  I really wanted to lick the remaining drops of piss from her pussy.  I can't think of a more submissive way to express my true desire and devotion than to do such an act.  It is also deep rooted in my brain as it goes back to my very first submissive fantasies I had as a pre-teen.

I obeyed Mistress and started to put my fingers in Mistress and instead she changed her and and told me to fuck her.  I did, much better than I expected but still was on the edge fast.  I then made her cum several times and she squirted quite a bit.  This made me want to grab a glass and catch her juices and drink them up.  She made me fuck her again.  This time I got too close to the edge.  I should have dribbled, but somehow did not.  Mistress was not having any more of that.  She had me make her cum a few more times and then she announced she was done.  I was disappointed as I didn't want this feeling to end.  Ever.

She had me clean up the room and put everything away.  I hate having to clean up after a scene, but being made to do so put me in the right frame of mind.  I am a slave and I don't get to decide what I want to do.  We then went to the hot tub. I was wearing my bikini.  If any of our neighbors were outside paying attention, there could have been 3-4 that could have seen me.  I was in such sub-space that I really didn't care.  I could see that becoming a new requirement.  Sitting in a hot tub in a bikini is way naughtier than being nude.  The feminine reinforcement is powerful.  

The bottom half of my bikini

After the hot tub, I did put on my pink leggings and camisole and made us dinner.  Mistress did a great job of reminding me of my outfit and my position as her slave.  I forgot to wear my butt plug when we got out of the hot tub.  I am fortunate Mistress reminded me as I was able to put it in at bedtime and sleep with it in for a few hours.  If I were her, I would have let me fail so I could have punished me for it.  I'm mean like that.  

At bedtime I thanked Mistress for her abuse.  I also encouraged her to keep at it.  This morning as I write this I am encouraged where this is heading.  I am still in pretty strong sub-space and am willing to do absolutely anything.  Mistress has now had a couple scenes where she has shown an ability to be mean.  I am truly scared of disobeying which is something I can only say a few times not only in this relationship but in my entire life.  I want to live in a certain state of fear because that fear is what will get me through my resistance and disobedience.  Fear will free me.

                 

        

Back and Forth

My libido is in such a state.  I have so many erotic chemicals running through my body that my mind is confused on what it wants.

As I write this, I want to cum so badly, but I also love this feeling so I don't want it to ever stop.

I am so tempted to reach up under my skirt and stroke my cock until cum my eyes roll back into my head and I have a mind blowing orgasm.  At the same time I am so happy I am locked up, so it's not even a choice.

I want to be out of chastity, but I love that Mistress is taking ownership of her property (and teasing my cock) and for that reason I want to stay locked.

I want to be dressed as feminine as possible for as many hours a day as possible.  Wearing masculine clothes in the evenings is an escape when I really don't want to be able to escape.  In the mornings it's easy to dress.  In the afternoon and evenings, it's a challenge and I love it when Mistress challenges me.

I want my ass to be filled with a huge fake cock or plug, but at the same time I don't.  

I want to be locked in the cage in the basement, but I know I would hate it, and I would love it.

These are all examples of the back and forth my mind is going through.  I love the way my brain works in these situations.  I love how helpless my endorphins and testosterone makes me.  I love thinking of all the nasty things I want to do, full well knowing I would be so ashamed if I did.

Some pics that speak to me.

 



       

Thoughts on this week

Today is the 5th day in a row of chastity and a butt plug.  When I woke up this morning I had zero desire to plug myself or to dress feminine.  Still, I have freely and willingly given up my right to decide these things for myself.  I inserted the plug, put on my rose scented deodorant and misted my chest with my perfume.  By the time I made it to the spare bedroom with my feminine clothes I was back into my slutty head space.  I am truly astounded how fast my perfume affects my mind.  Because of that I decided to wear a blue bra (Mistress has no bra requirements so far) a low cut top that matches and peeks out of the top, lace boy short panties, a too short skirt and my Mary Jane platform shoes.  Now as I write this blog, any lack of desire I woke up with has been replaced with a potent cocktail of brain chemicals such as testosterone that had my head spinning.  Add to that, being in chastity, being plugged, being dressed and being on my 70th day without an orgasm and I am kind of a mess.

By 8 am this morning I will have worn a butt plug for a required 13 hours this week.  It's likely closer to 15 hours as I didn't remove it promptly each day.  That's easily a record.  I have never been plugged 5 days in a row let alone for so many hours in such a short period of time.  The plug has gotten progressively easier to put in.  It's still not easy as it's relatively large, but it's easier.  Sitting on it is much easier than walking with it in as it doesn't move as much. One pint of interest is that I wore it in the tub the other day to shave my body.  Sitting in the tub drove the plug in even deeper than my office chair does.  As I sit here I am thinking of Mistress making me wear the plug when we leave the house together so she can frequently comment on it.    

Chastity.  No matter what I say or think about it, it certainly raises my libido.  There is literally no way to ignore my cock.  Regardless of the type of device I wear, I am hyper focused on my inability to touch myself.  The interesting thing is that if I am not wearing a device I can pretty much ignore my cock.  That being said, yesterday Mistress check out a new gym and left for about 90 minutes.  Had I not been locked in chastity, there is no way I could have avoided touching and edging myself.  

Each morning, when I get dressed I can deal with it pretty easily as my libido and testosterone is high.  Looking down and seeing my heels (and today's bra making it appear that I have breasts) make me feel super horny.  As the day wears on, I have a harder time being dressed.  Being in an outfit, walking in my heels, my feet starting to hurt, erotically humiliated, this is where the submission comes in.  Mistress could certainly make me more self conscious if she chose to, but she doesn't.  That's both good and bad.  Accepting and encouraging me to be more feminine will allow her to keep pushing me.  At the same time, occasionally making comments about my attire or groping me, is a very powerful mind fuck.

My attitude.  I have been snappy a few times with Mistress.  She has told me to watch myself a few times.  The clear idea was that I was about to spend time in the cage.  Just the thought of it brings me back to my place in our relationship.  I dislike being in the cage, but I love it when she is strict with me.  

Although I have had some challenges this week, I would call it a success.  Mistress has added items to my task list.  The result is that I am in such a state of mind I don't want it to end.  I want to go deeper.  My mind is desiring more restrictive, challenging, feminine, humiliating, painful or disgusting things to happen to me.  I am kind of addicted to the chemical cocktail going through my brain.        

Locked, Plugged and Dressed

I sit at my desk this morning with my ass plugged and my cock locked in up in chastity.  Since it is now spring, I am wearing lace boy shorts, a white blouse, white skirt with a floral pattern and high 6" strappy pumps.  My head is spinning with desire.  If there was any way to stroke my cock right now I don;t think I could resist the temptation.

On Sunday Mistress informed me that I would be locked in chastity along with having to wear a butt plug for 2 hours every day of her period.  I can see this becoming a monthly ritual and I hate to admit that I like it.  Having scheduled torments for to endure are a pretty hot idea.  Mistress can tease me days in advance that she will be starting her period and that I will be locked up and plugged soon.  All that I am missing is something phallic in my mouth :-)

I half woke up about 30 minutes before I got out of bed, tossing and turning hoping to go back to sleep.  With my cock straining against my device, I had no real hope of falling back to sleep.  My mind was racing with naughty thoughts.  I imagined Mistress making me dress up and take a ride in her car.  I imagined being locked in the cage to remind me of my place.  I imagined Mistress making me walk in these heels on our treadmill.

It's not been 67 days since my last orgasm.  My mind has been filled with extreme ways of making my next orgasm as unenjoyable as possible.   I imagine being edged and edged over again until I am bucking at my hips. I imagine just being allowed to dribble until I am dry.

If that happened I technically still wouldn't have had an orgasm.  I imagine Mistress making me cum, but not stopping stimulation until no matter how much I begged.

Lastly I fantasized about her making me clean very single drop up in as humiliating and disgusting way as possible.  Licking every drop off her body, especially after it has cooled and I have come down from the height of pleasure.  

I am certain that eating my cum after such a long denial period will be the worst part of it all.  It will also be the part I play back in my mind over and over again.  Some of the worst things ever done to me are the best!