Friday, March 24, 2017

Thoughts on this week

Today is the 5th day in a row of chastity and a butt plug.  When I woke up this morning I had zero desire to plug myself or to dress feminine.  Still, I have freely and willingly given up my right to decide these things for myself.  I inserted the plug, put on my rose scented deodorant and misted my chest with my perfume.  By the time I made it to the spare bedroom with my feminine clothes I was back into my slutty head space.  I am truly astounded how fast my perfume affects my mind.  Because of that I decided to wear a blue bra (Mistress has no bra requirements so far) a low cut top that matches and peeks out of the top, lace boy short panties, a too short skirt and my Mary Jane platform shoes.  Now as I write this blog, any lack of desire I woke up with has been replaced with a potent cocktail of brain chemicals such as testosterone that had my head spinning.  Add to that, being in chastity, being plugged, being dressed and being on my 70th day without an orgasm and I am kind of a mess.

By 8 am this morning I will have worn a butt plug for a required 13 hours this week.  It's likely closer to 15 hours as I didn't remove it promptly each day.  That's easily a record.  I have never been plugged 5 days in a row let alone for so many hours in such a short period of time.  The plug has gotten progressively easier to put in.  It's still not easy as it's relatively large, but it's easier.  Sitting on it is much easier than walking with it in as it doesn't move as much. One pint of interest is that I wore it in the tub the other day to shave my body.  Sitting in the tub drove the plug in even deeper than my office chair does.  As I sit here I am thinking of Mistress making me wear the plug when we leave the house together so she can frequently comment on it.    

Chastity.  No matter what I say or think about it, it certainly raises my libido.  There is literally no way to ignore my cock.  Regardless of the type of device I wear, I am hyper focused on my inability to touch myself.  The interesting thing is that if I am not wearing a device I can pretty much ignore my cock.  That being said, yesterday Mistress check out a new gym and left for about 90 minutes.  Had I not been locked in chastity, there is no way I could have avoided touching and edging myself.  

Each morning, when I get dressed I can deal with it pretty easily as my libido and testosterone is high.  Looking down and seeing my heels (and today's bra making it appear that I have breasts) make me feel super horny.  As the day wears on, I have a harder time being dressed.  Being in an outfit, walking in my heels, my feet starting to hurt, erotically humiliated, this is where the submission comes in.  Mistress could certainly make me more self conscious if she chose to, but she doesn't.  That's both good and bad.  Accepting and encouraging me to be more feminine will allow her to keep pushing me.  At the same time, occasionally making comments about my attire or groping me, is a very powerful mind fuck.

My attitude.  I have been snappy a few times with Mistress.  She has told me to watch myself a few times.  The clear idea was that I was about to spend time in the cage.  Just the thought of it brings me back to my place in our relationship.  I dislike being in the cage, but I love it when she is strict with me.  

Although I have had some challenges this week, I would call it a success.  Mistress has added items to my task list.  The result is that I am in such a state of mind I don't want it to end.  I want to go deeper.  My mind is desiring more restrictive, challenging, feminine, humiliating, painful or disgusting things to happen to me.  I am kind of addicted to the chemical cocktail going through my brain.        

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