Jealous

Over the last few years I have acquired a good selection of BDSM videos that are on my hard drive.  A good number of them were from when I was a member of the Kink.com family of websites.  Now my preference is Femdom videos, but I also saved a good portion of Male Dom, Female to Female, and even some transexual and gay BDSM porn as Mistress sometimes likes to watch those types of videos.

I don't watch these videos often.  Maybe if I or we are traveling, and very rarely at home.  Yesterday was one of those rare days.  I have a Roku video streamer and there is a channel on it that is connected these videos so we can watch them on any of our large screen TV's.  Mistress stepped out to get her nails done and run a couple errands. I was working from home doing some tedious online class for work, so I decided to have some entertainment playing in the background waiting for the online class to progress.  I went into the "all videos" section and decided on the letter P, hoping to find some predicament bondage.

I first watched a couple girls Domme a guy.  It was a lot of boring spanking and ass fucking, so I fast forwarded through much of the video until they made him cum and then made him eat his cum.

Then I watched a very short one where a guy was tied up in a jail cell.  The woman came in and stroked him to orgasm and then kept on stroking until he was begging her to stop.

The next one was a guy locked in chastity.  The only stimulation he gets is his Mistress kneads his balls until he has an orgasm.  After he cums she makes him fuck himself in the ass with a dildo to show his obedience after an orgasm.  That's devious.  

The next one I stumbled across was called Point of No Return.  It's from the Kink.com's Device Bondage.  Now this one is Male Dom which doesn't do it for me as much as Femdom does.  However in this case it did an awful lot for me.  Mainly because of how jealous I was of what this woman had to endure.  Just to be clear, most of what this woman goes through rides a fine line of being too much.  In every scene there are tears, screams, yelling in frustration, hopelessness, fear, pain, humiliation, exposure, degradation and for her, many, many orgasms. 

The first scene is my favorite, mainly because this one would be the easiest for us to duplicate at home.  The scene starts with the woman fully dressed and bent over in a stockade type restraint.  We have one of these in the basement, not exact, but close enough.  She is in heels, a dress, and panties.  I imagine she has been left in this position for some time, to wear her down both physically and mentally.  In this position she is to high to kneel and too low to get any relief for her lower back.  I am certain the heels are adding to her discomfort.  And now I am jealous wishing I could trade places.    

Picture of the stockade in our basement.  

The Dom comes in the room and fondles her for a bit to show her how helpless she really is.  He whips her enough to get her dancing in pain.  He then removes her panties and keeps whipping her.  Not too hard, but certainly not too soft.  After a bit he uses scissors to cut her dress off of her leaving her completely exposed.  Next come the clover style nipple clamps.  But he is extra mean and uses 3 sets of them.  While I would absolutely hate 3 sets, I am again jealous.  

After the clamps are on, he takes a string and ties it from the center of one pair of the nipple clamps and then has her bend her knees.  He then ties the ends of the string to each of her knees.

He then whips her a bit trying to get her to straighten her legs and pull the clamps off.  She resists and keeps her knees bent, so he steps it up.  He grabs a cattle prod and walks behind her.  She can't see it but she can hear it charging.  He tells her to straighten her legs.  She starts crying saying she can't.  He keeps telling her to do it, and gets more and more scared and frustrated.  Since she won't do it herself he tells her she is going to get shocked.  He makes her choose a leg.  

By now, her left leg is shaking uncontrollably.  I am sure there is some fear about it, but mostly being in this position for so long and not being able to change leg position.  Now at this point I am starting to feel real empathy for her.  I hate electricity.  I hate the thought of electric shock.  Even something mild compared to a cattle prod would have me reacting the same way she is reacting.  Electricity is one thing that puts true fear in my heart.  As much as it scares me and I would fight it, I am again jealous of this poor girl.

She eventually picks the right leg and he shocks her hard.  She jumps and one of the clamps gets pulled off of her nipples. She is in agony.  He backs off a bit and lets her regain her composure.  Her legs are still shaking while he strokes her skin.  After a short bit he starts back up and tells her she still needs to straighten her legs.  He tells her if she doesn't, she will get the left leg with the cattle prod.  Of course she begs him not to and he ignores her request.  He zaps her and she pulls the other clamp off.  He immediately puts a Hitachi on her pussy and in no time she has rebounded from the pain and fear.  As he rubs the hitachi on her pussy he takes off and puts back on the clamps, creating a pleasure/pain battle.  She is begging to cum, her legs are shaking, and I am certain her mind is an absolute mess.  What an amazing predicament bondage scenario.  All of that and I am super jealous of her.  

The next scene has her tied like this.

  

He puts suction devices on her nipple, pussy and clit until they are filled with blood and sensitive.  He uses a cane on her body as she screams in pain with tears in her eyes.  Then he gives her the Hitachi treatment again.  She is drooling all over herself while begging to cum.  Eventually he puts a clothespin zipper on her, from her armpits to her toes, while the Hitachi is buzzing her.  He makes her choose decide if she wants the zipper pulled before or after she comes.  She wisely chooses before.  As much as I would hate the zipper, I am jealous of her.

The last scene starts like like this.

She is tied to Sybian vibrating saddle.  She has a corset on. Her arms are bound behind her in a leather arm binder.  She has a very tight posture collar on around her neck.  Her hair is tied to the ceiling keeping her upright and from falling off.  Her feet are tied up and back so that she cannot use her legs to escape from the vibration.  For the next 30+ minutes he vibrates her pussy and clit while alternately whipping her, torturing her nipples and using a plastic sheet to cut off her air supply.  

Through all of this, she has countless orgasms.  Since he doesn't turn off the saddle, she goes from one orgasm to being too sensitive and into another orgasm again and again.  Not being able to have multiple orgasms makes me even more jealous.  All of this was fairly boring to watch, I had to fast forward through a lot of it, but I am certain it was not boring to have to endure.  You can see the look on her face several times as though she is in another world or having an out of body experience.  In the post scene interview he said he stopped the scene because he didn't think she would or could.  Hot!  

I imagine the next day she hurt from dead to toe.  Her feet from her shoes and from being whipped.  Her legs from trying to endure so many strenuous positions.  Her back from being bent over.  Her nipples from being clamped and whipped.  Her pussy and clit from all of the orgasms and vibrations. I also bet every time she thinks of this event she will get very wet and aroused.

Having to endure even one of these scenes let alone 3 on top of each other seems very difficult.  I am extremely turned on imagining myself having to go through something similar and so intense.  Being pushed in such a way that I would seriously consider using my safe-word (during electricity) and either not using it or not being allowed to have one.  Riding the line between torture and ecstasy would be such a mind fuck.  My cock strains against my device just thinking about it.  That made me pretty jealous of this woman and many like her.  

  

Yearning for things that used to have issues with.

When I was writing yesterday's post about playing with chastity for 18 years, I came to a realization.  For so many years I hated chastity unless it was 100% tied to a D/s scene.  I would be into it if I thought I was going to get tied up or if there was some teasing involved, etc.  Any time those things would drop off, or life would get in the way or even worse, I would would get in an argument with my Mistress, I would instantly hate chastity.

That has changed for me over the last few years.  Now I accept this is who I am.  Do I prefer to have chastity tied to something?  Sure.  Does it suck to be locked up and not have anything kinky going on in our lives?  Absolutely.  Being locked is now a part of me.  Not because I like the device, but because I like what it symbolizes, my surrender to being fully controlled by my Mistress.

There is nothing hotter than to know that not only is my next orgasm fully dependent on Mistress, but so is any sensation my cock gets.  Surrendering my cock and forgetting about what is in it for me is a true mind-fuck.  Knowing that life can interrupt us and I will likely stay locked makes me feel so owned.  I now see myself begging to stay locked, where just a few years ago, I would go out of my way to avoid being locked up.  That is a real change.

I have also realized how far I have come regarding feminization.  Every since I was 7 or 8, I had a thing for women's clothes.  Not so much wearing them, but admiring them to a point of wanting to see how they felt.  At around 10 or 12 years old my sister caught me trying on a pair of my mom's pantyhose.  She yelled out loud what I was doing and my parents heard.  I was made fun of.  Not in a mean way, but in the way a family pokes fun at each other.  I of course denied it and ever since then have been challenged by the shame that comes with having a fetish like this.

Through out my teenage years I would borrower an item from my mom's drawer or the drawer of a friends sister.  I would wear whatever item it was, masturbate and shame would wash over me as soon as I came.  I would return or throw away the item and swear to never do anything like that again.

When I started living by myself I was able to acquire a few items and would hide them in a drawer.  I would use them occasionally and hide them away.  At some point I would go a little more extreme and when I did, the shame would come back and then the purge.

I dated during these times and in my longer relationships, I would share this part of me.  For the most part it was tolerated in the bedroom and with a sexual connotation.  When any of those relationships would end, I would be horrified that my secret was out and I would purge the acquired feminine items yet again.  I generally would only partake in this part of me 1-2 times a year on average.

In my first marriage my wife was more supportive of this part of me, but it was always used in a D/s way.  I was treated in a slutty, trashy way.  Heavy makeup, forced exhibitionism, and verbal humiliation were the primary drivers.  I don't mean that in a negative way, it was fun.  There is definitely something about that kind of play that gets a guy like me going.

That relationship ended and I half purged.  Kink was used as an excuse by my ex to end the relationship.  I knew I wasn't going to change, but I also wanted to separate myself from the kink that was being used to end my marriage.  I put almost everything in storage.

That brings me to my current Mistress.  Shortly after meeting Mistress we knew each other pretty well on a sexual level.  I was too old to not be upfront about my proclivities, and confided in her most of my kinks.  The feminization part of me took a bit longer to reveal to her, and when I did, her eyes kind of lit up.  She had me get me feminine things out of storage.  She made me try on every item and show her how I looked.  She made me get rid of any of the items that were not flattering or classy enough for her.  She wanted me to look good and to feel good about dressing up.  That first year, Mistress really helped me accept that this is a part of me.  We had some amazing scenes with me fully feminized and I no longer had the shame after an orgasm.  So now that I accept and yearn to explore more and more of my feminine side, the idea of being treated like a whore adds an element of erotic humiliation.

Over the last few years, Mistress has helped me grow my wardrobe.  I am now comfortable for the most part dressing up.  I am not yet to a point where I would dress on my own on a daily basis without it being some sort of an order with consequences for disobeying.  The societal taboo of being dressed as a woman is still strong in me after all of these years.  I still need some sort of coercion.

In closing I am amazed at how much Mistress has helped me grow in my submission.  It's all because she is the best woman I have ever known.  She has helped me accept who I am.  She has loved me and encouraged me through my insecurities about being a submissive guy with feminization fantasies.  She has made things I would never consider (24/7 chastity, wearing perfume daily, shaving my armpits, etc.) a part of my daily life.  There is no way I could ever go back, even if I wanted to.  I am so in love with my Mistress.

                

Chastity Thoughts

Yesterday I confessed to touching myself and even edging myself without permission.  Mistress didn't say a word about yesterdays post or my confession, but she did take the keys from my chastity device and hid them. When I started touching myself, I had zero plans on confessing.  I don't do it often, especially lately, but I do it once in a while, more when I am ramped up like I am now.  No harm, no foul, right?  For years I have believed that if I touched and didn't cum, I wasn't really doing anything wrong.     

Now I look at it a little differently.  I can't be tied up 24/7, although that sounds amazing.  I can't go out to work in bondage or in feminine clothes.  I have asked Mistress to control me in as many ways as she is willing to.  I have to ask permission to go out.  I wear perfume and women's deodorant.  I shave my body clean and smooth of all hair.  My toenails are often painted.  I often wear a collar.  I sometimes dress feminine at home.  I frequently wear a nighty to bed.  Mistress can tie me up any time she wishes.  She can beat and bruise me (I do love wearing the bruises she gives me).  She can lock me in a cage in a room by myself for hours on end.  All of these things are ways she can control, me.  The more things she does to me, the more I am under her spell.  I love the idea of having more and more control taken from me and to be as slave like as possible.  

That brings me back to chastity.  Mistress controls my orgasms.  Most of this I already do by myself on the honor system.  Fewer orgasms for me keeps me in a submissive and subservient state of mind.  However the only way for her to control my orgasms and me touching myself 100% is with chastity.  Chastity is 24/7 bondage.  Chastity is the ultimate form of day-to-day control.  We can go about our hectic life and chastity is still there, fucking with my mind, in a good way.

Since I have found a couple devices that I can wear for several days comfortably, I am now of the mindset that I can be in chastity full time without a break.  I may need to swap devices out, but I can be locked up completely.  

With this mindset, I was looking at adding a couple devices to my 'wardrobe'.  When I started with chastity 18 years ago, the cheapest devices were over $100.  I bought one device that was so expensive, looking back I am embarrassed to say how much I spent.  These days, there are so many devices out there and almost all of the designs out there have knock-off versions that are under $50 and in many cases under $25.

The one I am wearing now is my current favorite.  It was $21.  

In addition to being comfortable it's also very secure.  My piercing holds it in place, but sometimes it tugs and irritates my piercing.  When it does, I swap over to my CB-6000.

   

It's not as secure as the steel device, I can sometimes pull out of the device in the bath tub, even thought it's still locked to my balls.  Although it's not ideal, it does give my piercing a break.  Other than the security issue, it causes my balls to try out due to friction from being held out and down.  

That has me looking for another device to swap into to keep me locked but comfortable.  

 

This device is a knock-off of the device I thought was going to be the best one ever.  Unfortunately I am allergic to the plastic from that manufacturer.  This device is only $28, which is about 85% less than I paid for the device I am allergic to.  I can tell this one uses a different plastic.  As you can see in the picture, this one has a spiked ring for short-term punishment.  It also comes with a smooth one for long term wear.  

Here is another device that is getting surprising good reviews.

It's super short.  It's about 1.5 inches long and that .5 is the ring itself.  It's so small and tight that nothing shifts so that nothing needs to be constantly adjusted.  I can add a PA lock to keep it secure if pulling out is an issue.    

Being locked 24/7/365 doesn't mean Mistress needs to go without.  She can easily unlock me and lock me back up immediately afterward.  She can use my mouth and fingers.  I can learn how satisfying it is to provide total pleasure to Mistress without regard to my own sexual release   By doing this, I can easily imagine that for the rest of my life I will never know what my own cock feels like unlocked without Mistress around.  That is control.

 

          

An orgasm hasn't helped

Tuesday morning I was released from chastity after 5 days for a Dr's appointment.  Mistress and I had sex on Wednesday morning.  It was the first time we had sex in 26 days and therefore my first orgasm in nearly a month.  I am certain Mistress didn't wait 26 days for her orgasm.  I am sure she has had many which is a very hot idea of her cumming so many times while I don't.

Prior to being locked in chastity I had been going through a very difficult patch emotionally about work.  When Mistress locked me up, an amazing thing happened.  All of that negative destructive energy got redirected into my libido, my sexuality and my submissiveness.  I was very horny and very such wanting to be under Mistress' firm control.

When we were having sex on Wednesday morning I was able to give Mistress an orgasm before I got to the edge myself.  Her pussy felt so amazing on my cock.  Mistress told me to cum.  I begged to not cum, as I didn't want to lose this horny neediness that I had back to disappear.  As much as I wanted to stay orgasm free, my cock really needed the stimulation.  I asked Mistress for permission to cum and in a few strokes was able to fill her up with my cum.  She was kind and didn't require me to clean her up with my tongue.  We got out of bed and spent the rest of the day decorating the house for Christmas and getting ready for Thanksgiving.

Yesterday morning I tried to get a sexual repeat of the previous day.  The orgasm I had Wednesday did absolutely nothing to reduce my horniness.  In fact, I was even more horny.  The chastity and the orgasm reminded me of my place.  My submissive soul was released from the anxiety I had been experiencing for so long.  I believe that D/s has some therapeutic powers for guys wired like me and this seems to be one of those cases.  I was horny and ornery with Mistress most of Thursday morning.  Mistress was annoyed enough that she told me she would have locked me in the cage if she didn't need my help.  I commented, that maybe that was the reason I was being snarky.  She couldn't do much about it.  I spent the rest of the morning following orders and helping Mistress get ready for Thanksgiving.

At bedtime last night my libido was back on 10.  I tried to initiate a bit, but Mistress was tired and didn't let me get too far with my initiation.  That didn't stop my libido.  As I drifted off to sleep I realized Mistress and I had the next full 3 days and nights all to ourselves.  We had nowhere to be, and nothing to do.  My submissive mind quickly started coming up with ideas.  

A couple paragraphs below this one I am going to describe in detail my 3 day fantasies.  I am writing this to communicate and to get it out of my head.  However these descriptions could also be considered me being a pushy bottom.  Below the row of asteriks are my descriptions.  If you believe this communication is me pushing form the bottom, please don't proceed.

Lastly, I have been bad.  At bed time I was so horny I thought about sneaking off to rub one out.  I didn't.  When I woke up at midnight to go to the bathroom, I was awake for about an hour and a half with thoughts running through my mind.  I touched myself The first time I stroked my cock just to get it hard.  When it got soft, I did it a 2nd time.  When it got soft I did it a 3rd time, but before stopping I took two fingers and rubbed the most sensitive part of my cock like a girl would rub her clit.  I managed to edge 3 times before stopping long enough to fall asleep.  When I woke up at 5am, I had a hard-on and proceeded to squeeze it and push it around as it felt so good.  When I got out of bed I had already planned on writing this post.  I knew I would be aroused and had already demonstrated a lock of self control, so I locked myself back up in chastity and left the keys on Mistress' vanity.   Apparently the orgasm I had made me hornier.

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Fantasy #1 - The Prisoner.  This fantasy involves me spending a full 3 days in much the same way a prisoner in jail would spend their time.  Mistress would have me prep everything in advance.  I imagine being put in very plain clothes, like sweats or plain pajamas.  Mistress would take me to our spare bedroom in the basement.  I would already be locked in chastity.  Upon arriving I would see a long length of chain coming from the bathroom in the bedroom.  It would reach to one side of the bed.  Mistress would lock the chain to my ankle to keep me from leaving the room.  She would leave me there for the next 3 days.  Visiting me only to feed me very plain meals.  I would have no phone, no TV, no computer.  It wouldn't be fun, but the loss of control would be so intense for me.  I wonder if I would try to use my safe-word?  She could also change it up.  Lock me up as before, but put me on 'work release' several times throughout the day.  I would be released from my cell only to be shackled to make her meals, be given chores, made to clean the bathrooms, etc.  I might be sent to the wardens office and used sexually before being returned my my cell.  Insubordination or doing a poor job cleaning would be dealt with harshly.  Time in the 'hole' (aka the cage) or the straight jacket overnight.  There are many hot prisoner scenarios online, but the ones over many days are very hot to me.  3 days seems to fit the bill perfectly.

Fantasy #2 - Sissy, Slave, Slut weekend.  I imagine going upstairs as soon as Mistress wakes up.  I would draw a hot bath and shave every hair off of my body, including my facial hair.  When I got done, I would lock up in chastity and I would plug my sissy hole with a butt plug.  I would then paint my toenails and fingernails in a color or colors picked out by Mistress.  While waiting for my polish to dry I would put on mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow, etc.  It's been a couple years since I have worn makeup, so I might need some help.  I would then dress in an outfit picked out by Mistress but most certainly something elaborate including stockings, bra inserts, corsets, etc..  Over the course of the next 3 days and nights I would live as Mistress female slave.  I would be expected to do chores in any outfit she chooses.  I would bathe Mistress. I would shave Mistress.  I would dress Mistress.  I would give her foot massages or full body massages.  I would service her sexually in any way she desires.  My cock would be locked away the entire time.  My ass would have something in it every waking hour and possibly 24/7 if I can endure it.  I would spend incredible amounts of time with my tongue between her legs.  I would be using my fingers, toys, or the dildo gag to give Mistress orgasms all weekend.  I would spend hours sucking on a strap-on either attached to Mistress' hips or attached to something else if she didn't want to wear it.  I would have to put on a fashion show.  Ever time I would see my nail polished hands I would be reminded of how feminine I have become with Mistress' encouragement and assistance.  Every bit of maleness would be swept aside.  Lastly at some point over the 3 days she would take me out of the house fully dressed.  We'd take her car as her windows aren't tinted.  We might even drop me off in one corner of a parking lot and make me walk to the other side.

                                    

Some other ideas I had, but without descriptions.  Collar, multiple predicament bondage scenarios I could pre-setup, panty water, shocking dog collar, gay/trans video torture, self prostate milking, online cam, e-stim, sleeping in bondage, frozen fluids, fucking machine, molly, Walmart humiliation, interrogation, bachelor games, iphone counter game, deepthroat, remote control, forced multiple orgasms, 

Spiraling Fast

I am amazed at how being locked in chastity can affect me so quickly and thoroughly.  Juts a few days ago I was super stressed and somewhat depressed about my professional life.  Sex, D/s, FemDom, Female Led Relationship, etc. have not been on my radar for a couple weeks.  I have felt almost asexual.

Add the helplessness of a chastity device and I am back with a vengeance.  I cannot shut off my mind.  I have replaced almost all of the negativity of the past few weeks with very sexual, submissive and libido enhancing thoughts and fantasies.  Every time I wake up in the middle of the night, I am thinking of some sort of debaucherous activity instead of worrying about work.

My first instinct is to write a big long list of all the things I am thinking, but I am not going to do that. I have a Tumblr page that I have made a bunch of posts to that really speak to me and keeps me from being a pushy bottom on this post.

That being said, I will post one picture as that seems to get me more page views.

 

 

   

   

Life in the way

It's been over a month since I last posted.  Life (and stress) have been way too prominent in my life lately.  I have barely had any erotic thoughts and really have put my libido on the back burner.

That has changed recently.  Mistress put me back in chastity to coincide with her period.  I have had more erotic thoughts in the last 72 hours than I have had in the last 3 weeks. There is something about having a locked cock that makes me focus on my cock.

This morning I woke up terribly horny.  I know part of it is the dream I had last night.  In this dream, Mistress and I were watching TV in our living room like we normally do.  However we had a slave girl tied and kneeling on our hardwood floors.  Much like the picture below.  In my dream her legs are belted in the same way, so she must kneel without relief.  Her arms are tied behind her back (no straps) and she is wearing a ring gag.  We make her kneel for an hour while we watch TV and she drools all over her body while we ignore her.

I don't have dreams I remember very often and I certainly don't have sexual dreams very much.  I don't know if the dream means anything, but I am jealous of the girl in my dream.  I love the humiliating idea of being tied naked and being forced to drool on myself while Mistress ignores me.

When I woke up this morning I put in some warm and casual feminine clothes.  I wish I had the guts to fully dress today, but it's been some time and I just couldn't do it.

Lastly, Mistress and I went to a party last night and we stayed out way later than normal.  I am nursing a hangover which makes me go to my "happy place" which means my nastiest fantasies are running through my head like crazy. It's a darn good thing I am locked up or I would be edging myself.  I read this story this morning and it made my cock throb so hard in my cock cage.  

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2017/11/husband-made-to-take-breast.html

Not all of it turns me on, but being forced to do some things I would rather not do, turns me on.

So here I sit, all worked up, with my mind running a hundred miles an hour while I am locked up.  It's good to feel this way again.

A quick update

My focus has been heavy on work the last few days.  I am pulling back the frequency of my posts because of this.  Mistress hasn't required me to dress up this week, which I am missing more than I expected to.  I am dressing up when I work out as I only have feminine clothes in our basement gym. I am still locked in chastity and wearing a nighty at night.  I have now been locked up for over 2 weeks and it's been over 3 weeks since my cock had ANY stimulation.  My chastity device is now getting comfortable and is becoming a part of me, so maybe that means it's time to swap it out with a different one?  My balls are so full and my mind continues to go to dark and humiliating places.  The things I would do right now make me blush.

While I am in an absolutely submissive and feminine place, I can't get out of my mind a few recent blog posts I read early last week.  The blog is http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com and she is the woman that beats her man on a very regular basis as well as dominating and humiliating him in front of and with other women.  Her stores frighten and excite me.  Recently she posted her need to switch and submit to her husband and she followed up with that experience.  While my preference is a submissive one, I am pretty darn creative and would get a huge rush from dominating Mistress.  I have not been allowed to dominate her for many years now.  Unfortunately.

Here are the relevant posts.  They are good reading and should arouse anyone, dominant or submissive.

Letter to my Husband

Letter Delivered

Collared and Flogged

My Beating is Tomorrow!!!

Wife Beaten!

Ordeal in the cage

Shortly after finishing yesterday's blog post Mistress came downstairs around 7:30 am.  I made her coffee and she asked me what time the store opened.  I told her 10 am.  She said it was time for me to be caged and for me to get ready.

I went upstairs and inserted my butt plug.  I came back down stairs and then headed to the basement.  Mistress was to follow.  I grabbed the straight jacket from the toy closet under the stairs and headed into the room that had the cage.  I undressed.  As I was removing my bra and inserts I was wondering how they would feel under the straight jacket.  I sat on the floor and put on my 8-inch ballet heels.  They lace and have an ankle strap.  I put my feet through the loops that go between the legs to keep the jacket from being raised.  Once I was in, I arranged those straps against the butt plug and proceeded to put my arms in the jacket.  Mistress buckled the main straps and left the arm straps undone so I could climb in the cage.  Once in the cage she pulled the arm straps crossing my arms in front of me and tightly buckled it down.  I was left kneeling in the cage when Mistress latched it behind me.  She agreed that she didn't need to lock it as I was completely helpless.  She very unceremoniously turned of the lights and left the room. 

I sat on my knees for a few minutes until I realized I needed a more comfortable position.  I put my head on the ground and rolled onto my side with a thud.  After much more struggling I was able to get on my back.  I was stuck.  I spent close to the next 2 hours trying to find comfortable positions.  Once I found a relatively comfortable position it was only comfortable for about 10 minutes before pressure points would start hurting.  I also had to avoin laying my head on the bars of the cage.  I knew they went put impressions on my skull and we had to run errands when I got released. 

I repeated a phrase out loud several times about not talking back or talking down to Mistress.  I imagined having to repeat it for the entire time I was in the cage out loud.  We had a baby monitor outside of the cage so Mistress could easily require some such rule in the future.  I also tried to take a nap.  My mind was racing too much for that to happen.  I imagined putting the baby monitor on top of the cage with a rule that I am not allowed to shut my eyes. 

I also had many, many fantasies.  In the spirit of keeping from being a pushy bottom, I will generalize them here and not go into detail.  I fantasized about how to make the cage time even more uncomfortable or miserable.  I thought about Mistress making be do or say things things before I was released.  I also though about non-cage related things.  The longer I was in the cage, the darker and more depraved my thoughts became. 

At one point I was able to wiggle and shift my arms low enough to grab the the lock on my chastity device.  I was able to push and pull on the lock enough to get some friction on my cock.  I wondered if Mistress was seeing me do this through the baby monitor and whether I should stop or not.  After 60 seconds or so, my cock got hard enough that the friction stopped and my hand was cramping at the same time due to how hard I had to struggle to do this.  That experiment was fruitless.

The butt plug.  Wow.  The straps that go between the legs really pushed up against the butt plug.  Every time I moved to find a more comfortable position, the butt plug was reminding me of my situation.  It was pressed so tightly that even breathing made me feel it in my ass.  When I would sigh, the plugged pressed even further.  It was pressed so tightly inside me that when I would try to flex my sphincter it didn't move.   My ass felt thoroughly used by the time I was released. 

I have been locked in the cage 3 or 4 times before this.  This time was the worst by far.  It's the first time that the time in the cage seemed to be more than the actual time.  Mistress let me out 5-10 minutes early of the 2 hour mark and I was thinking she left me in for 30-60 minutes longer.  This was by far the most helpless I have ever felt.  She could have just as easily left me on the floor and I would have been just as helpless.  The cage just made it hurt more.  I have come to the realization that the cage is not something to joke about.  Just because she hasn't 'broken' me with the cage yet, doesn't mean she can't.  I don't think I want to try.

When she finally did release me I was in complete drunken subspace.  I could barely move to assist my own release.  Mistress had to take off the ballet shoes and come partially in the cage to release my arms so that I could get out.  She left the room as unemotionally as she started my ordeal.

Looking back on it this experience was very hot to me.  Not in a sexual way.  The cage sucked.  There was no intimacy with it.  There was no emotion with it.  It was a punishment and nothing more or less.  It was not erotic although I tried to make it that way.  It was detached.  The reason it was hot was because Mistress controlled me completely.  She was cruel.  She was emotionless.  She didn't give the appearance to care how I did with it.  The realization that she could be cruel or crueler to me is what made it hot.

The rest of the day was uneventful as far as D/s is concerned, although I was certainly worked up as much as I ever have been.

This morning Mistress and I snuggled a bit.  I was tracing my fingers on Mistress legs and butt.  I was about to get out of bed and Mistress reached out with her foot.  I stayed in bed for a bit longer.  I continued to trace my fingers along her legs, ankles and feet.  I would trace along her leg where it meets her ass.  I traced her hip area and her stomach.  I traced her arms and neck.  I purposely avoided sexual areas for quite some time.  I teased her chest and she didn't stop me from teasing her breasts and nipples.  I took that as a good sign.  I traced my way back down her body to her pussy.  She let me proceed.  I rubbed her clit for a bit.  Mistress generally doesn't let me rub her clit long as she enjoys penetration much more.  Because of this I teases the opening to Mistress' pussy.  She was nicely wet. I teased her some more and the I inserted my finger a bit more.  Mistress commanded me back to her clit, I was surprised.  I re-positioned myself on my knees and continued to rub her clit.  I nuzzled my face against her neck.  Mistress reached over and rubbed my balls.  She commented on how full they were.  I assured her that it was her cruelty that was keeping me so aroused.  In very quick order Mistress came and she stopped me.  I tried force myself on her until she made it clear I was crossing a line.  I backed off to avoid cage time.  I imagined this becoming a daily ritual.  Waking Mistress up at a set time with my fingers and if she allows with an orgasm for her.  If I am out of bed already, a text message summoning me for her morning pleasure or to deliver coffee to her upstairs. 

Mistress told me to get dressed and make her coffee.  I asked what I should wear today as it was a home office kind of day.  She said "whatever you want".  I asked for clarification and she said I didn't have to dress feminine.  I was bummed, but decided I could still dress feminine today since it was my choice.  I couldn't dress that way right away or I wouldn't have time to make Mistress' coffee so I ran downstairs my nighty to make her coffee. 

I then went upstairs to get dressed.  I sprayed on my perfume.  I went to my panty drawer and picked out a pair of panties.  I then went to my feminine closet.  I picked out a red dress but decided against it as I didn't want bra straps showing.  I put it back and grabbed a black and white dress to wear.  As I picked up a bra to wear, I got insecure.  I can't get dressed up if Mistress doesn't want me to.  Mistress has gotten me over 99% of my macho insecurity, but apparently I still need a bit of encouragement or even better, coercion.  I put the bra back down, took off my panties and instead put on some male casual clothes.

In closing, the cage was miserable, but at the same time I was in heaven. Heaven because Mistress owned me and controlled me 100% at that time.  I was completely helpless, at her mercy and wanting to serve her even more.  That's the way it should be.                     

Upcoming punishment

Yesterday I had to work for a few hours.  When I got to work I realized I had forgotten some things I needed.  I texted Mistress and she offered to bring me my missing items.  When she got to where I was working, I met her at her car so she didn't have to come in.  I had intended Mistress to bring a stack of brochures and she brought 2.  However she was right, I didn't specify.  I was frustrated and spoke in a way that I shouldn't have to her.  When she left I realized the missing brochures were not a big deal as she brought me enough other items that I could use.  I texted to apologize and we talked about needing to improve my organizational skills.  Then she texted me this and you can see my reply.

         

I hate to admit it but I got an immediate hard on.  That being said I truly dislike the cage.  It's not a painful punishment, but it's uncomfortable  It's boring.  It's tedious and makes me reflect. A lot.  There are worse punishments, but this one is very easy for Mistress to administer.  

We got through the rest of the day, but a few times I tried to hit on Mistress she told me "no" and that I was forbidden to touch her or be intimate with her.    

At bedtime we got into bed.  Mistress told me I would be caged on Sunday at some point.  She also added that I would be be wearing my butt plug, my chastity device, a straight jacket and my 8-inch ballet shoes.  I got a hard-on.  Not because of the items she mentioned, but because the intends this to be more difficult than I thought she would.  I then said to her with a snarky tone "is that all?"  For some stupid reason I was trying to poke the bear.  

Then Mistress asked if I could be trusted to not wear my chastity device overnight and into the morning.  I then continued to be snarky with her by saying "I guess we will have to see".  She said if she suspected that I touched myself I would spend the entire day in the cage.  I said something to the effect of "if I tell you that is", and then I told her I would be fine.  She could trust me.  Within 10 seconds I knew that wasn't 100% true.  I am in such a state of mind right now, I can't even trust myself.  Especially when I am unsupervised from the time I wake up until I go to work.  The level of my horniness and submissiveness means I cannot be trusted.  I told Mistress that I indeed can't be trusted and that I would lock myself back up immediately.  After forcing my hard cock back into my CB-6000 device I left the key on Mistress' nightstand so that I wouldn't be tempted to mess with it in the morning.

I fell asleep until I had to use the restroom at around 2:30 AM.  As I crawled back into bed I contemplated the next day.  At some point in the day Mistress will likely ask if I am ready for my punishment.  I will say yes.  She will tell me to go plug myself and meet her down stairs in the basement.  I will arrive in the basement and will see things set up.  Mistress will have me remove my clothes.  I will have to sit on floor to put on the 8-inch ballet heels.  These make it so that I cannot stand or walk and that I must crawl.  These shows alone cripple me.  I will then lie back and slide the straight jacket straps over my ankles and then I will kneel so I can put my arms in it and raise it over my shoulders.  Mistress can then strap me tightly into it.  Getting into the cage will be awkward as I can't use my hands.  I have to use my face on the ground to crawl in.  Once in, Mistress will close the door, but with my hands in the jacket and my feet in the shoes, a lock is just redundant at this point. I will be here until she decides to release me.  

Then for at least 2 hours I will be left to lie there and contemplate.  I have been in the cage in the straight jacket once before, but then I was barefoot.  I was able to use my toes to grab the bars of the cage and move myself a bit to get comfortable.  I won't be able to do that today as I will be in those ballet heels.  The heels also have the effect of making the cage 8 inches shorter.  Add to that the straps of the straight jacket that go between the legs push the butt plug much deeper in my ass.  

So for at least 2 hours I will be lying there thinking of how I acted toward Mistress and my overall situation.  I will be fantasizing that Mistress is upstairs masturbating, so turned on by my situation, that she has to cum.  In all likely-hood she will be watching TV.  

I will also be counting my blessings that I have such a Mistress.  One that will not only tolerate my kinks, but one that will help me grow and train me the way we both know I need.  To punish me when I deserve it, which frankly I deserve more often.  It takes a very special woman to be able to be mean and cruel to a man she loves, but that it exactly what I need in my life.  I just need to be sure to be as sweet and kind and gentle with her, as that is what she needs.  

I am a very lucky man to have a firm and strict Mistress.

      

Self Control?

Yesterday I switched my chastity device out for one that has given me some skin irritation in the past.  I was hopeful that I was no longer allergic to the plastic used in the device as it is easily the best designed one I own.

Unfortunately I had a reaction.  I was going to put on another device but Mistress told me to give my cock a break, but no touching.  Bummer.

I realize how accustomed to being locked in chastity I have become.  That got me to thinking.  I have played with chastity for 17-18 years.  I loved the idea, but I hated it in practice, especially in my previous realtionship.  Mistress has made it so that I not only accept it, but that I yearn for it.  The same goes for cross dressing.  It's always been a fetish I had that I would indulge in 1-4 times a year and usually with great shame.  Clothes I had acquired would get thrown out after an orgasm and the insecurity that followed.  I would buy the cheapest clothes possible and looked terrible.  Mistress embraced my fetish, encouraged it, bought me nice things and made me invest in classy items.  I've worn a nighty nearly every night for years, including vacations.  We've made love with me dressed and I feel like her girlfriend when I am dressed.  Because of that I am much more comfortable in women's clothes and dare I say, I yearn for it.  So much that I now miss not wearing my heels, bra, inserts and other clothes.  I am also being conditioned to enjoy my ass being full.  I contemplated on whether my ass is to be plugged this morning as I was instructed to be plugged 'this week'.  I decided to not be a pushy bottom and express my confusion and look for further direction.  If I am to be plugged I can do it later today.

I was ready to spout off on all the other things I can imagine being conditioned to, but decided that is pushy bottom behavior and no longer allowed.

As I sit here writing,  I am wearing a yoga outfit that Mistress bought me a few years ago.  It's super comfortable and great for chilly mornings like today.  Normally I would just wear this, but with my level of horniness and my newfound affection for a bra and inserts, I am wearing a floral pattern bra with my extra large inserts.

Lastly, I am currently unlocked.  When I woke up I have every intention of locking myself up before heading downstairs.  As horny as I am I don't trust myself to not touch myself.  As I started to place the device on my cock I determined I should be able to obey Mistress without a device for at least a few hours.  I will try.  I so want to lean back in my office chair and stroke my cock and edge myself a few times with my mind running wild.  Or even just rubbing my cock through my yoga pants and panties like a girl.  Technically that's not touching myself, right? Not only have I not spilled a drop of cum in 2.5 weeks, I haven't even been close to the edge in that amount of time.  My cock is straining against my panties as I write this and consider my predicament.  Let's see how much self control I have until I am locked back up.

           

Slave Unplugged

Last night before bed Mistress suggested that I skip my butt plug training today.  I asked why and she said she didn't it to cause any damage.  She is probably right that it's good to take a break once in a while.  When I woke up this morning I was and still am super horny.  I remembered her suggestion and considered what it meant.  While it was suggested, it was an order.  Mistress likes to make her orders sound less like an order and more like a suggestion.  I have learned that regardless of the phrasing I am expected to obey.

When I realized I would be unplugged today I was a bit sad.  I have grown accustomed to all aspects of it.  Lubing it up.  Trying to insert it.  Feeling the widest part as it slips inside me.  Sitting on it.  Feeling it when I walk.  Having it rub on my prostate. Flexing my sphincter so I can feel it more.  The mental humiliation of having a surrogate cock in my ass for hours and days.  Fantasizing about Mistress stretching my hole so that she can fuck my ass or use the fucking machine on me.  Having to remove it and the emptiness I feel once its removed.  I am missing it all this morning.  I feel empty.

I considered disobeying. I could have made some excuse about it being a suggestion or that I wanted to show my devotion to her training.  But that is not an option at this stage.  I have pushed too hard and I can't do that any longer.  I just need to do what I am told.  To obey without question. 

Yesterday, Mistress commented that she liked my anklet.  A bit of pride flowed through me just before a rush of erotic humiliation did.  It was perfect.  Since I woke up so horny today and I was missing my plug I wanted to add something new.  Since Mistress commented on my anklet a piece of jewelry seemed like a good idea.  I looked through one of my drawers and found in clip-on dangling earring and I couldn't find the other.  So I looked in a bag I keep under my bathroom sink.  In it is a ton of makeup for when Mistress has me get fully made up.  I also have fake nails, perfume samples emery boards, eyelash curlers, etc.  I also found some jewelry.  I found a pair of dangling earrings as well as a pair of hoop earrings.  I think hoop earrings are kind of slutty (in a good way) so I chose them.  I recently heard this quote, 'The bigger the hoop, the bigger the hole'. It was a derogatory way to describe girls with large hoop earrings.  Kind of appropriate since my hole has been plugged and stretched recently.  I also found either a bracelet or an anklet with pink butterfly's on it.  I didn't open the package as I didn't want to wake Mistress.  I kind of hope it's a bracelet as I am kind of digging the idea of accessories to enhance my daily attire.

Now the part I am a bit ashamed to admit.  While I was digging through mounds of makeup, I decided I just had to wear some.  I picked a pink tinted lip balm and clear mascara.  After getting dressed in panties, black bra and inserts and another cocktail type dress, I put on my earrings, anklet and proceeded to the spare bathroom.  There I put on my mascara and lip balm.  I was regretting the lip balm and wished I picked a slutty lipstick color.

Now I sit here writing this post.  My head is spinning with submissive and very feminine feelings.  I am a hot mess.  My earrings moving every time my head moves, reminding me just how far down this rabbit hole I have gone.  I am flexing my sphincter trying to get that familiar feeling and I feel nothing.  I am realizing I haven't spilled one drop of cum in 17 days. And that I have only had one satisfying orgasm in the last 112 days and that one was 57 days ago.  No wonder I am such a hot mess.  By not focusing on my fantasies so much and just living in the moment, I am able to fully enjoy my submission.

Throwback Thursday

Old habits die hard.  Mistress and I went out with a friend last night for her birthday.  As a result I am a bit hungover today.  When I am hungover I am super horny and super submissive.   My intention this morning was to write a post about all the things I am fantasizing about.  I realized the error of my ways and and going to write about things since yesterdays post.  Living in the moment and appreciating it.

I left for work yesterday locked in chastity.  It was an uneventful day, but after being plugged for 4 hours in the previous 24 hours I still felt like I had something in my ass.  I came home and changed and Mistress and I met our friend.  We had some drinks and an appetizer while we all chatted.  We then went to another bar to meet another friend and grab some dinner.  I enjoyed being the one guy with 3 women.  Or friend commented on how Mistress and I are her 'relationship ideal'.  If she only knew we were in a Female Led relationship and that I was submissive to Mistress.

We came home and got ready for bed.  I put on my nighty and got into bed before Mistress.  When Mistress got into bed she started stroking my balls.  She commented that she didn't like this device as much as my other one because my cock is completely covered.  She like the device that goes through my piercing and covers the head and glans.  That was she can stroke my cock, but I can't get real pleasure out of it.  I assured her that I was being sufficiently teased with this device and that changing devices every few days was going to be the key to keeping me locked 24/7 indefinitely.  Mistress fell asleep teasing my cock.  It's the second time this week she has done that.  It's a beautiful way to fall asleep. 

This morning I woke up extra horny.  I plugged myself while still in my nighty.  I put on my shortest skirt, panties and a low cut blouse with a matching bra (tightened as much as possible).  Before I put my heels on I was wanting to up the ante somehow.  I went into my drawer in the bathroom.  If I remembered correctly I had a piece of womens jewelry in the drawer, but I wasn't sure if it was an anklet, bracelet, or clip on earrings.  It took a minute but I found a rhinestone anklet.  Perfect!  I added it to today's outfit and I feel just a tad more like a slut.  I don't think anklets are slutty, I think they are sexy.  However on a grown man wearing women's clothes, it makes me feel slutty.

That's the post for today.  In honor of the title of this blog post, I went back to the beginning and found a few hot posts.  Here they are.

Getting Caught Up - Sunday, January 9, 2011

Good scene - Monday, May 23, 2011

Things are going to change - Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Appreciating Things

The last few days have been interesting.  With me taking the focus off of my wants and needs and just focusing on the moment I have a new appreciation for slowing things down a bit.  One of my downfalls is that when Mistress steps up the D/s, I get excited and try to step it up even further.  This just creates stress and resentment for her.  For me I see her pull back and try even harder.  It doesn't work well.

Now that I have recognized it and have a plan to handle it, I am in a much better place and I think Mistress is too.  Appreciating how Mistress is now treating me and taking time to fully embrace my current situation is a welcome lesson. Since my goal is to now live in the moment, and to let Mistress lead me down the path she wants me to follow I have some inner peace.

Today is a perfect example.  I could certainly be writing about some of the dirtier thoughts I have been having.  I could be posting pictures of more and more extreme D/s activities, but then the experience isn't shared.  Instead of projecting ahead, I intend on writing about the current.  Here is my current.

This morning I woke up too early.  I tried to go back to sleep, but work stress and horniness kept me from doing so.  Instead of tossing and turning a couple hours I decided to get up, do a little work and make this blog post.  As I got up, I went to the bathroom.  For new readers of this blog, I am required to sleep in a nighty every night.  I don't take off my nighty until I have gone to the bathroom and weigh myself.  I am also pierced which means I have to sit and pee in all places that don't have urinals.  I am also currently locked in a chastity device that forces me to sit every time I need to pee.  There is something deliciously naughty about me having to pee sitting down while wearing a nighty.  After I weighed myself I put on my required squirt of perfume.  The perfume quickly hit my brain and instead of waiting until tonight to do my 2 hour daily butt plug assignment I decided to do it immediately.  I inserted the plug while bent over the bathtub looking down at my pink painted toenails.  It's getting easier to put in.  I felt like such a slut.

I proceeded into the extra bedroom where my feminine clothes are.  I put on a pair of panties, my bra on as tight as possible. I put in my silicone inserts and selected a little black dress.  I then put on my platform heels.  I tried to think of something else I could add to my wardrobe that would be an extra reminder of my situation.

So here I sit.  I'm in my office chair.  My ass is plugged for 2 hours for the second time in the last 12 hours.  My hole is a bit sore, but in a good way.  I can flex my sphincter and feel a sensation.  My cock is locked away.  My current lock up is a week with no end in sight.  I don't like wearing a device, it's a pain.  However I do love having access to my cock taken away from me 100% and wearing a device is an acceptable trade off for the experience.  My feet are a bit uncomfortable in my heels, but I like how the heels feel and how they make my legs look. Any discomfort is well worth it. I wish I could wear heels all the time.  My attire.  My little black dress makes me feel sexy and humiliated at the same time.  My bra and inserts are also a huge turn on for me right now.  As I type, my arms are rubbing against my extra large breasts.  I have an appreciation for the challenges breasts create, especially large ones.  So in my current state of mind, the challenges of a butt plug, chastity, heels, large breasts in a tight bra are exactly the kinds of things I love to endure.  The more challenging the better.

In closing, slowing down and enjoying my current situation is very rewarding.  I feel my attitude changing from wanting and needing to appreciating and wishing to please and serve my Mistress.  I am here to do as she wishes and to just enjoy the experience.  It's better for my submissive soul.

                   

Feeling Feminine

Now that Mistress has started enforcing my feminine attire again I am in quite a mental state.  Add my chastity to the mix and I am very ramped up.  Also, now that I have refocused on living in the moment vs. fantasizing about what else Mistress can do to me, I am learning to embrace what is happening to me as it happens.

This morning I again chose a dress that you are more likely to find at a nightclub than at home or an office.  I am feeling very feminine and want to act out in a really slutty and shameless way.  What really changes how I feel is the massive bra inserts I am wearing.  They are heavy and they protrude obscenely.  I have had to tighten my bra quite a bit to hold them in.  When I walk, they shimmy, especially in my higher heels.  My dress is short, so short I have to keep pulling it down.  My head is spinning due to the way I an feeling. 

I didn't have time this morning to plug myself so when I get home for work, I will bend over the bathtub and put my large plug in my ass.  I will fantasize about Mistress forcing her cock in my ass after I just was on my knees sucking it.

The more I think about it I am reminded of something I have been seeing online.  It's called Bimbo Fetish or Bimbofication.  I like these 2 definitions.

1.  Bimbofication is a type of fetish and genre of fan art in which people are transformed into hypersexualized caricatures of themselves, typically featuring exaggerated secondary sexual characteristics.
2.  The process of transforming into an airheaded slut, perfectly happy to be used and degraded.

This is a good example of how I feel when I wake up, loaded with hormones.  Between my orgasm denial, perfume, butt plug and my feminine attire, I am yearning to be used and degraded.

Gotta run!  Busy day.

Back In A Dress & Chastity and Orgasm Tracking

With Mistress getting back into the groove, my libido is in overdrive.  I haven't had to wear anything overly feminine in over 3 weeks, so I decided to step it up a bit. Below is a picture of the dress I am currently wearing. 

 
I purposely made my outfit as restrictive as possible.  I decided to wear my highest heels and I tightened up the ankle straps so I can feel restricted.  I am also wearing a bra with my large silicone inserts.  I tightened the bra strap on it's tightest setting so that I can't ignore my situation.  My perfume is wafting into my nostrils and it's making me so horny.   If my cock wasn't locked up right now I would absolutely sneak a few strokes of my cock.  By choosing the equivalent of a cocktail dress I am erotically humiliated more than an office type outfit would make me feel.  When Mistress looks at me in it, I cringe just a bit (in a good way).  I am feeling very submissive and slutty today.

I ran some numbers that are more trivia than anything else.  I keep an online log of my days in chastity HERE and my orgasms HERE.  Since I started tracking my days in chastity, 2016 found me in chastity a total of 70 Days.  My longest stint in chastity was 29 days in December of 2015 to January 2016.  I spent another 2 weeks straight locked up that summer.  So far in 2017 my longest lockup was 16 days and I have been locked up a total of  47 days year-to-date.

As far as my orgasms go, 2017 is a relatively slow year, which is what I yearn for.  I have had 16 full orgasms and 2 ruined (not full).  I also went 72 days and 55 days straight without an orgasm.  By this time last year I had 22 full orgasms and 1 ruined.  In 2015 it was 30 orgasms.  So I am 6 orgasms behind last year and 14 behind 2015.  My current streak is interesting.  It's been 53 days since my last full orgasm but Mistress has ruined 2 since then.  Hot! 

The orgasms tracking doesn't tell the full story.  It doesn't track all the times we have sex and Mistress has multiple orgasms and I go without.  That would be fun to track as it would really drive home just how denied I am.  I would also love to track the orgasms Mistress has while I am at work, just to rub it in even further.

This morning as I was waking up, I fantasized about coming home to find Mistress in our bedroom with towels on the bed and a few toys out.  She would either tell me to strip or to put to on something feminine.  She would say to me "make me cum" and she would like back in the bed and my sole job is to make her cum as many times as she wants.  I get nothing other than the pleasure of serving her and making her satisfied.  My cock would stay locked up to ensure my focus was entirely on her.  When she was done with me she would tell me to clean up the room and to go make dinner.  I don;t know how to explain it, but being used that way would be so frustratingly satisfying.  A win-win in my book.

I have to run, but wanted to make a quick post as to my desire to serve Mistress and to make sure she is happy and satisfied.  My needs are secondary to hers. 

 



         

Catching Up

My most recent post had me wondering f I was pushing too much for Mistress to dominate me.  It was a good post as it confirmed my suspicions and we got to talk about it.  This discussion was perfectly timed as we were about to head off on a vacation and it allowed us to reset a bit.

On our vacation we were so busy touring that we didn't have much time for intimacy.  We did have one hot night of sex that had a tone of D/s to it.  Mistress had me fuck her and use my fingers on her to make her cum.  She kept teasing, asking me if I wanted to cum.  I know she didn't want my post orgasm attitude and nether did I so I resisted as much as possible.  We did have some D/s banter going on.  Mistress mentioned how she would like me to cum more often, but wanted me aroused as quickly as possible to avoid the negative effects of me cumming.  I told her that 24/7 chastity as well as teasing and denial would certainly do the trick.  I think we also discussed me moving the cage into the spare bedroom, but that memory is a bit fuzzy.  I kept edging myself with Mistress' pussy and when I'd get close she would have me  pull out and use my fingers to make her cum.   Mistress kept teasing me about it in a way that I thought she was going to let me cum.  I started to thrust as to get myself even closer to the edge and I asked permission to cum.  She told me 'no' and if any spurted out I would be cleaning it up with my tongue.  It was too late.  I stopped before I could orgasm but a huge glob of cum had escaped from my cock.  Mistress felt it and told me to clean it up with my mouth.  I pulled my cock out and much to my dismay was a large white glistening glob of cum a bit more than a tablespoon.  It was a surprising amount of cum given that I did not orgasm.  The last thing I wanted to do right then was lick it up, but it had been over a week since Mistress did anything Domme'y and I was dying to prove that I would be her submissive on her terms.  After I cleaned up, I gave Mistress another orgasm and she was done with me at that point.

We finished our holiday without any mention of anything else D's related and we had an amazing trip.  On the flight back Mistress announced that she started her period.  She didn't mention me going into chastity so I took a day to think about whether or not I should be locking myself up as per our previous agreement or not.  The next morning I did lock myself back up.  I left the keys on the counter with a note asking her to hide the keys if she did want me locked up and to put the keys on my vanity if I was being too pushy and she didn't want me locked.  When I got home the keys were nowhere to be found.  Yay!

Since we got back there is been a combination of me feeling insecure in my submission as well as I wanted Mistress to lead me on her terms.  I didn't dress feminine all week and I resisted my perfume and such for the most part.  The perfume has such a powerful effect on me that I knew if I wore it I would be dressing feminine without her telling me to.  Mistress did have me plug myself one night and I really enjoyed the spontaneity of the order. 

Last night Mistress told me that she was going to start ruling over me again.  I get the feeling she is ready to test my limits.  She keeps talking about me sleeping n the cage.  I am to be plugged 2 hours a day, indefinitely as far as I know.  I am to have my toenails painted again.  I am to wear my nighties every night and I am to dress feminine every morning.  I casually mentioned the whole internet meme of Locktober.  She said I didn't have to worry about Locktober as I wasn't going to be unlocked anytime soon.  Hot! 

It didn't really hit me last night but when I woke up this morning I counted my blessings that Mistress is willing to enforce her will over me.  My morning libido was hagh based on Mistress comments last night.  I woke up and put on my perfume.  It's as powerful as I remember it.  I the plugged my ass.  I grabbed the nail polish and then went to the spare bedroom to pick out my feminine outfit for the morning.

In closing I am very excited to have Mistress bossing me around again.  I want everything to be on her terms and if I get pushy for her to nip in in the bud.  I want to thank Mistress for keeping me locked up, plugged, feminized and held accountable.  Mistress owns me and I pledge to obey her completely. 

   

Figuring out a way to serve better.

I've had a hard time figuring out what to post the last couple of days.  With everything going on lately such as chastity, Mistress being much crueler the last couple times she has had me tied up, being called a slave and Mistress pushing me more has me in slave heaven.  That being said, I'm not 100% how much of this she enjoys and how much of it is just her accommodating me?  I have been thinking about this lately but didn't really know how to describe it.  Then, as fate would have it, I ran across a post this morning that hit home for me.  The post is called 'Mistakes men make'.  Now I don't know if this is happening or not, but I wanted to put it out there for discussion.  

This post is written about a new FLR (Female Led Relationship), but can certainly be for an existing one.  Here are a couple specific quotes that made me wonder about me.

"You want everything, and you want it right now.  You want to be brutally beaten, degraded, dehumanized, humiliated, emasculated.  You want the fantasy.

It’s understandable.  It really is.  I totally get it.

 But you get too eager, you want to move too fast, while she’s still unsure and insecure, and still wading her way through all of this newness.  You urge her on, you encourage her to do more, to dive deeper into it, you bound ahead of her, practically dragging her behind you.

An experienced Domme knows how to yank you back, slam you back where you belong, and give you a much-needed reality check.  But she’s not an experienced Domme.  She doesn’t know how to do that.  Moreover, she may not even realize she can.

Instead, she tries to keep up with you, tries to give you what you ask for.  But it’s exhausting.  She feels constant pressure to be something she’s not, because she hasn’t had the time or the freedom to let that part of her grow.

Soon, she’s not doing this because she wants it, anymore.  She’s doing this for you.  To please you.  But she feels like her wants and needs are being ignored, she certainly doesn’t feel Dominant, and the whole thing feels disingenuous.

And your encouragement and urging begins to feel like pressure.  She feels pressured to be what you want her to be.  That pressure kills her lust, kills her desire, and kills any interest she may have had in an FLR dynamic."

And

"But I mentioned that there are a couple of reasons why you’re wrong, a couple of reasons why you’re making such a horrible decision.  The other reason why this is a huge mistake is that, in your eagerness and enthusiasm, you forget one very, very, very, very important thing:  She is the Domme, you are the sub.  And the female-led relationship needs to be just that: A Female-Led Relationship."

Maybe I am just being insecure, but I can see this being me, as I have been accused of this in previous relationships.  With all of my recent posts, there has been a lot of things I have written about that I would like to have happen to me/us.  Mistress is good at this, and she is very encouraging for pretty much everything we do, but I know I ask for things she just isn't into that much.  I really would like to define what does and doesn't work for her.  Does having me follow a written checklist work for her? I think so, but I don't know.  Does having me dress feminine as much as I do please her as much as it pleases me?  I think so, but am not certain.  I think she likes having me in chastity, but how much?  While I enjoy having things done to me, that's the physical part of it.  However I am now at a point in my life and in our relationship that I want to submit myself in a way that serves Mistress much more than it serves me.  

Here are a couple quotes from her follow up post to Dommes with subs like me.

 Find some part of it that legitimately appeals to you, something that you think you’d enjoy doing in real life, in your relationship.

This will help you figure out the kind of Domme you want to be.  It’ll help you figure out your identity as a Dominant.

Next, read my Mistakes Men Make post, linked at the top of this article.  Be aware that your partner will very likely attempt the behaviors listed there, and be prepared to handle it.  Learn to recognize if he starts moving too quickly for your liking or becomes too focused on his needs.

Then, give yourself permission to be a bitch.  This is the single hardest thing you’ll have to overcome.  You’ll likely struggle with it, you’ll deal with guilt because it will seem overly selfish to you.

Yeah, that’s the point.

Granted, it’s grossly, hysterically oversimplified, but if you’re struggling with any particular situation, remind yourself that the whole point of a FemDom relationship is that you’re in charge.  It’s all about you.

Correcting your husband will be tough.  So start small.  Give him a chore or two that he has to do each day.  Something simple.  And should he forget or get distracted or whatever, punish him for it (make the punishment fit the crime.  Spanking him nonstop for 20 minutes because he forgot to take the trash out isn’t a reasonable thing to do).

Alternatively, give him a chore, supervise him, and become extremely controlling and micromanaging while he does the chore.

Doing the dishes is a good place to start.  Constantly give him instruction and correction.  Every detail.  Make shit up.  It doesn’t matter.

And make him listen and do what you tell him.

Will he find this exercise pleasant?  Probably not.  Who cares?  It’s not about him, anyway. 

And

  This will help you tremendously when your husband makes the kind of mistakes most men in his position make.  You’ll be more sure of yourself, you’ll feel more comfortable reining him in and bringing him to heel when he gets too far ahead or loses focus, and it’ll help him learn faster that he needs to take his cues from you, not his fantasies. 

Here is the link both posts - a full read is worth it.

https://dominajen.com/2016/02/10/mistakes-men-make/

https://dominajen.com/2017/09/08/from-vanilla-to-ds/

Maybe I am wrong and Mistress loves everything we do, but I suspect there is more I can be doing for her.  I want that more than anything.  Maybe this post will help us get there.