Showing posts with label Communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Communication. Show all posts

Monday, June 3, 2019

Happy Place

I’m back in my happy place. Waking up early because I’m so horny and my cock is straining against its cage. The last few hours with increasingly submissive thoughts and fantasies going through my mind.  Today I’m grateful to be locked in chastity. I’d be edging over and over and over. I’d justify masturbating to orgasm since I’m not locked up.

Getting out of bed and sitting to pee while still wearing my nighty from the night before. Then I spray perfume on my upper chest and neck. The smell going deep into my brain and flipping a feminine switch inside me.  I love it when this happens.  I remove my nighty and hang it up in plain view. I get dressed in something more appropriate and masculine, deep down wanting to dress in something feminine and less appropriate but too insecure to do so without help.  As I go through the morning the perfume keeps weakening the masculine side of my brain.

I’m back to making sure Mistress’ coffee is ready before she gets up.  I have fresh flowers in the house. I’m staying on top of the dishes.

Throughout the day, whiffs of perfume and my locked cock remind me of what deep down, I desire and need.  To serve a strong woman.  To be owned. To be denied. To be controlled. To follow orders.

In the evening I try to do all of the meal preparation. I keep Mistress’ wine glass full and jump whenever she needs me to do anything. I’m back to making sure no dishes are in the sink overnight.  Some evenings Mistress will pick out my attire for me and it’s often something feminine.  Having to wear something feminine this late in the day is always a challenge for me. My libido is lower and I am extra humiliated by it.  However, when this happens, it pushes all of my buttons the right way and puts me back into my subservient mindset, which is good for both of us.  My very last act of the night is preparing Mistress’ toothbrush. It’s a small task but it’s a good way to end my day with a final act of servitude.  Then I put a nighty on and crawl (I don’t actually crawl, but would like to) into bed next to the woman I love and cherish.

As I said, I’m in my happy place. I love serving Mistress and yearn to have additional duties placed upon me.  Chasity, feminization and the possibility of punishment are strong motivators for me and I’m grateful Mistress indulges me with these things.



This spoke to me.  Especially about making me admit secret and guarded desires.







Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Things I like to/want to hear

Last night was a rough night.  The roughest since I went back into chastity last week.  I kept waking up with my cock erect and straining against my chastity device.  I would wake up, think of things to take my mind off of my cock (hard to do when you sleep in a nighty) and as soon as I realized I wasn't hard any more, I would get hard again.  As I tried to go to sleep I tried to make lists to get myself bored enough to fall asleep.  The opposite happened.  I ended up making kinky lists and one of them is the topic of this post.  Here are things that Mistress says to me that I love or things that I would love to hear in the proper context.

  • Strip
  • Kneel
  • Kiss my shoes
  • Go put your chastity device on












  • Go plug yourself for 3 hours
  • Go upstairs, get the bed ready tie yourself up.
  • You will not be getting out of chastity any time soon
  • Don't you dare cum
  • Lick your cum out of my pussy
  • I want your toenails painted until I tell you otherwise









  • Put on your collar, lock it and give me the key
  • Come here, bitch
  • Put your fingers inside me
  • You're grounded
  • Put on your nighty
  • I want you fully dressed, now
  • Wake up, make me cum
  • Driver slower, or else
  • Get me another drink
  • Bitch, go upstairs and get me...
  • Get into the cage
  • Lick me
  • Go stand in the corner until I tell you to can stop
  • Wear something feminine under your clothes today












  • You will not speak unless spoken to
  • Tell me all of your naughty thoughts
  • Deep throat my strap-on until your eyes water
  • Wait until I take you out in public dressed up
Readers, please comment and let me know what things you like to say/hear from your Owner/slave.  

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Latex and a penis pump

This morning I worked out and was feeling a bit naughty.  Our toy closet is right next to our home gym.  Since Mistress went to a meeting, I looked for something kinky to add to my workout.  I found a penis pump and also ran across a latex outfit I own.


I gave myself a nice few pumps to my cock and when I was nice and hard, I slid on the latex shorts.  Slid on is a bit of a misnomer.  Anyone that owns latex knows you have to wiggle into it.

Once I was in I started my workout.  When I was done I was a hot and sweaty mess in the shorts.  I loved the feeling of everything being slick and squishing around.  The shorts have a zipper in the front.  I imagined wearing the entire outfit, lubed up with my cock and balls hanging out and being tied to the bed while Mistress fucks me.  She doesn't let me out as she wants to see me sweat and squirm.

I got out of the shorts and gave my cock a few good pumps with the penis pump and got dressed.  I wore pink panties the rest of the day and got to work.  Nothing like being all horny when Mistress is out.


Monday, May 14, 2018

Confession

It's been nearly 3 months since I posted.  Life has been very busy, but its also been very good.  I'm too busy to be posting regularly, but had to do a quick post.

The last couple of days my mind has been going back to my submissive place.  I've been fantasizing about chastity, collars, feminization, painted toe nails, panties, teasing & denial and forced cum eating from Mistress' pussy.

This morning I couldn't help myself and edged quite a bit.  I edged to some trailers from www.divinebitches.com  The hottest ones were the ones with the guys locked in chastity while being tortured.  Their cocks being totally ignored.

My edges got a bit too close a couple of times and I had tiny drops of cum that I licked up.  I felt so dirty.  I was tempted with sneaking a full orgasm, but thought better of it.  Since I am still nice and horny, I am desperate enough to confess my sins.  Had I allowed myself an orgasm, I wouldn't have the guts to admit my edging session.

Here are some of the pics that spoke to me.





Sunday, February 18, 2018

Last night

Mistress and I had a very busy and stressful week.  Something happened this week that in the past, I would have been asked to be let out of chastity.  It seems a little silly to be wearing a chastity device when life gets super serious and you have to deal with it.  I didn't ask to be released.  I wanted to prove to myself that I am committed to being in a chastity device 24/7/365.  Staying locked up when things seemed to be too difficult to handle has made me a stronger submissive.  I was able to remove a potential excuse from future discussions.  If I could stay locked up this week, I can stay locked up through almost anything. I am proud of myself for toughing it out.

Last night Mistress unlocked me so that we could have sex.  It's the first time since Jan 18th that Mistress has used me for her pleasure.  It's the first time in a month that Mistress has allowed my her cock to enter her wonderful pussy.  I wasn't as sensitive as I would have guessed, but I was still far too sensitive to be able to give Mistress an orgasm with my her cock.  I had to use my fingers to give her a few nice squirting orgasms in between me edging myself inside of her.  During one of these edges I got a bit too close to the edge of cumming.  I pulled out and Mistress felt a bit of cum squirt on her.  I think it was around a teaspoon and she thinks it was more.  Nonetheless, Mistress had me clean what little bit of cum I had released with my tongue.  The fact that I woke up with painful blue balls this morning tells me that whatever cum leaked out was not enough to give me any satisfaction.  It was not enough to take even a hint of desperation out of me.

As we had sex we chatted.  Mistress told me to not even think about cumming.  Then later she told me she thought it was time to make me cum and lick it all up.  I begged and begged to not be made to cum.  As best as I can tell, Mistress is truly enjoying my lack of orgasms.  I think she likes that I am in such a state of submissiveness that I am begging to not cum vs begging for an orgasm. 

As we continued, I assured Mistress that I appreciate how she has gotten stricter with me.  I applauded her efforts of attempting to be meaner with me.  I told her how much I love being locked up in her presence.  How much I love the erotic humiliation of being dressed feminine in the house.  How badly I crave to be her little sissy bitch to be used however she wishes. In fact, I begged her to be as harsh with me as she can.  I want her to push me so hard, with the sole intent of making me lash out, so she has the perfect reason to punish me even more harshly.  I want to occasionally regret going down this path.  I want to have my fetishes used against me as a real mind fuck.  I want to truly suffer and question myself, but in a way that makes Mistress get off on my suffering. 

Regarding chastity, I know Mistress would rather have easy access to my cock, but we both know that 24/7 chastity is the only way I can fully resist temptation.  If she didn't re-lock me immediately after using me last night, I would be stroking my cock and edging myself as I write this.  I likely would have an accident that I wouldn't admit to.  I would have unintentionally cheated.  I know that chastity is a barrier, but I truly believe that it's a barrier that keeps our dynamic strong.


     
     

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Subtle Acts

For my recent trip, Mistress gave me the key to unlock my collar.  It's a stainless steel collar and I was concerned about it setting of the metal detector.  The only time it has been off was long enough for me to go through security on my outbound trip.  I forgot about it on my return trip and got through with no issues.

Yesterday I went to lock it on.  Mistress said something to the effect of that she didn't feel it was necessary for it to be locked.  She's right, it doesn't need to be locked on, but the dynamic is so much stronger when it is locked on.  For example.  If it's not locked on, shaving around my neck is so much easier.  It's a pain to have to shave around it, but that difficulty is a very subtle way to remind me of our my place as Mistress' slave.  Another benefit of having it locked on is that I can't 'forget' to put it back on.  In the past, I have tended to drift away from voluntarily wearing my collar.  I could go weeks without wearing it.  Having it locked on, gets me through my insecure and disobedient bouts.  Mistress will take off my collar any time I ask, but I want to be forced to ask and not have that control to make up my own mind about it.  Locking the collar on only take 2 twists of screw embedded in the collar.  Those 2 twist are very minimal and subtle and at the same time very powerful.  The only way I could see having it unlocked if Mistress did it specifically so that she could punish me if I wasn't wearing it.  We could even up the stakes and lock on my super heavy collar in the 2nd picture below.



             
As I was waking up this morning, I felt my collar locked around my neck and a warm rush of feeling owned came over me.  It made me reflect on how very subtle things combine to make a large effect.  Any of of these things by themselves are not a big deal, but when combined, they become very powerful.  Having a tasteful collar locked on.  Wearing a bit of perfume.  Wearing women's deodorant.  Having my toenails painted.  Mistress rubbing and touching parts of my body.  Mistress mentioning when she masturbates.  Having Mistress touch my chastity device.  Sitting to pee.  Wearing panties.  Shaving my body.  Any comment or verbal tease that Mistress can come up with (like asking me when my last orgasm was).  All of these by themselves are no big deal, but added up have an exponential effect on me.  

I know that Mistress not forcing me to lock my collar was intended to be nice, and I appreciate that.  I'm working on helping her overcome her instinct of being a 'good girl' and into being bitchy and mean to me.  In my weird twisted mind, cruelty is caring and intimate, even if it's subtle.



If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

    


Thursday, February 1, 2018

Long Distance Desperation

I am currently out of town and away from my Mistress.  I am lying in my hotel bed in my pink nighty locked in chastity.  It's my first trip out of town locked in chastity.  In the past, I would have already cum a few times and would have already cum this morning.  Instead, I am one day short of my all-time orgasm denial record of 72 days.  The best part of this trip is that it proves to me that there is no reason I cannot be locked in chastity for the rest of my life.  Having Mistress control not only my orgasms but any sexual pleasure at all. I am soooo horny and frustrated.  Being locked up on the road is harder than I imagined and it's a great mind-fuck.  I'm wishing I had brought a toy for my ass so I could at least get some stimulation on my prostate.  Instead I just lie here and fantasize about Mistress treating me badly.

Before I left on this trip, Mistress made sure to give me a caning.  It started rough as we didn't do any warm-up.  As my ass warmed up, I was able to take harder hits from the cane.  Mistress wanted to stop before I did, but I was able to get her to keep going for a bit.  It's very difficult to ask to be hurt when you are in the middle of it.  I'm looking forward to the time where I am yelling out and begging her to stop and she doesn't.  She keeps going until I use my safe-word, and then she keeps going for some time.  It's something we have to work up to as I have to be able to learn to take it and Mistress needs to be able to be OK with hurting me more than she ever has.  Having consistent positive experiences will make this possible.

Here is a picture of my ass just before Mistress untied me.


I thought for sure that I would have felt it when I was sitting in my seat on the plane a few hours later.  I also thought I would finally have some bruises that I could be proud of.  Unfortunately, neither of these things occurred.  I had no left over pain and no bruises or even marks for that matter.  Now I am starting to believe that we are going to have to have a long session with a warm up period and once I am warmed up Mistress can really go to town on my ass with multiple implements.  Once I am bruised well, it should be easier to keep me bruised with daily beatings.  I am very proud to wear bruises that Mistress gives me.

As I lie here in my nighty, with my painted toenails I keep fantasizing about Mistress pushing my feminization buttons harder.  I'm not sure how to explain it but I want to be a slutty, horny, little bitch.  I want to feel humiliated and embarrassed about the things I am willing to do.  I want to feel ashamed of how slutty I am while at the same time not caring because I am so horny.  I'm not sure of any of that makes sense.  

Time to head to work.  

If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Adopting A Corporate Mindset

Last night Mistress expressed some insecurity about being more forceful and domineering.  Our professional lives keep changing and the breadwinner has recently been me.  I have been making some sacrifices recently that I know Mistress greatly appreciates, however it's making her try to accommodate me instead of making me serve her even more.  I get why it's happening and I hope things change so that she can feel confident in being cruel regardless of who is the breadwinner.  For many, many years Mistress has been the breadwinner and she was fine bossing me around.  Now I think she feels like she owes me something.  If anything I still owe her for making my life easier.

Mistress is a good manger and understands how important structure is in the professional world. She understands constant improvement, goal setting, measuring results, holding people accountable, rewarding good behavior and disciplining when appropriate.  I realized last night that it might help if we adopted those same principals to our D/s lifestyle.  It might help override her concerns about being more domineering over me.  Here's how.

An employee slave manual.

Job Description.

A D/s version of a business plan.

Dress code.

Weekly one-on-ones.

Daily huddle/caning.

Performance reviews - monthly and quarterly.

Being on call.

Reports.

Performance Improvement Plan.

Special Projects.

Thinking about many of these, I can see a way that formalizes what we both know I need and makes it matter-of-fact and necessary to my growth.  I'd like to think that this will make it easy for Mistress to realize it's my job to sacrifice and make her life easier, not the other way around.





 
   






Sunday, January 28, 2018

Flipping Switches

I love it when Mistress gets inside my brain and flips a few kinky switches.  She did it to me yesterday, announcing that I would soon have my toenails painted again, be sleeping in nighties and be dressing feminine around the house again.

It's amazing how so few words can have such a large impact on me.  I realized just how many things flip a switch in me.  A spray of perfume in the morning.  Each time I feel or see my collar locked around my neck.  Seeing my toenails painted.  Feeling or seeing my chastity device. Feeling my hole tighten around a butt plug. Mistress ordering me to refill her glass.  Being naked when Mistress is dressed.  Panties.  Mistress doing anything to my nipples.  Knowing how easy I have made it for Mistress to cane my ass.  When Mistress talks about putting me in the cage.  When Mistress tells me she masturbated.  When I come across a picture of myself in a compromising situation.  When Mistress gives me an order or task.  When Mistress calls me bitch or other term.  When Mistress doesn't use please and thank you when telling me to do something.  When Mistress taunts me about being taken out dressed in public.  Seeing bruises on my body.  Feeling pain for days after a scene.

The list goes on and on. It’s surprising, how little comments can blow up so big in my submissive mind. At some point they can become a real mindfuck and I love a good mindfuck.



Friday, January 19, 2018

Heading in the right direction

After many years of fits and starts I truly believe we are heading in a direction that will put me further and further under Mistress' control.  I'm very excited.


Since we both work from home now Mistress truly has the ability to control me 24/7 if she so chooses.  Gone are the days where she would head off to work and I would be able to do whatever I wanted.  I am incredibly excited about the direction this can go and hope that there is no turning back.


Last night as Mistress and I were about to get into bed, Mistress threw something on the bed.  I looked down and it was a pair of keys.  Mistress told me to remove my chastity device as she wanted to use her cock.  I went into the bathroom and removed my device and used a wet wash cloth to clean any scent from her cock.  I went back into the bedroom and Mistress was lying on a couple of towels and was playing with herself.  Almost as soon as I climbed back into bed, I got very hard and I was inside of Mistress almost instantly.  I thought for sure that I would be in the edge in no time, but I was able to go longer than I expected.  Even though I went longer than expected it still wasn't long enough to get Mistress off.  When I stopped to keep myself from cumming, Mistress had me use my fingers on her G-spot.  I teased and edged her a couple times before giving her an orgasm. 

After her orgasm she told me to put my cock inside her.  I did and as I got closer to the edge, Mistress asked me when my last orgasm was.  I told her that it was November 22nd or 8 weeks and 1 day.  I added that I was in chastity the entire time less 2 days.  Mistress told me that she felt it was time for me to have an orgasm.  I pathetically begged her to not make me cum and that I would to anything to avoid that fate.  I then told her flat out that I was going to refuse her order and accept any punishment she decided to dish out.  After a few minutes of her telling me to cum with my cock inside of her and me refusing, Mistress  told me to giver her another orgasm with my fingers.  This time I got her off in less than 30 seconds.  I then put my cock inside Mistress and after a few strokes she told me to stop.  I didn't.  She commanded me to stop a few more times before I relented.  She told me she was done with me and to lock myself back up.  I offered to give her another orgasm but she refused.

I went into the bathroom, washed my cock off again and locked myself back into chastity under Mistress' supervision.  Mistress hid the keys as I went back to bed.  When Mistress got back into bed, she teased my balls and told me to put the cane on her bathroom vanity when I got up in the morning.  She plans on caning me and she also plans on restraining me for it.  I asked her to not restrain me and see how much I am able to take, but she refused saying she didn't want to have to deal with me being unrestrained.

To be fair, her concern is warranted.  I believe that a proper beating requires restraints.  A fight or flight response will happen if she beats me the way I need to be beaten.  I need to be pushed past that point and the only way is with restraints.  There will be a point where I will get mad and if I am tied up there is nothing I can do about it.  I need to stay tied up until I have recovered from the anger and frustration and am back into my submissive mindset.  I'm not big on aftercare, but some tenderness and discussion while I am still tied up and recovering is the way I imagine being the most beneficial.  Being given a verbal reminder that I have asked for this a long time and I am finally getting the cruelty I have begged for, for so long.

As we drifted off to sleep I thanks Mistress for not making me cum.  I didn't want to be the guy that I am after an orgasm  I also assured Mistress again that I am very excited about where we are headed and that no matter what, I am hers to do with as she pleases.  I let her know that she doesn't need to worry about pushing me to hard or being too cruel.  No matter what she does to me I will take it.  I am here to serve, be her domestic slave, her sex slave, her sissy slave and do whatever she wishes.

Side note.  For whatever reason I can't think about a spanking without thinking of a pair of panties I have like these.  It seems like the perfect target as the butt is framed and exposed.  However, I have been reading about how important the spot where the thighs meet the butt is such a good punishment spot and these cover that spot. 



          

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Submitting

This morning I am wearing pink yoga pants and a white fuzzy sweatshirt that is long enough to be worn as a very short skirt.  Mistress chose them for me last night to wear.  Putting them on this morning along with a nice spray of perfume has me sitting at my desk with a nice little sub-spacey buzz.  I love it when she chooses my attire or makes me dress and/or wear feminine items.

The other day, I took the cane from the dungeon storage closet and placed it on the bed in our bedroom before work.  It was where I left it when I came home from work so I moved it to a less obvious place.  I wasn't sure how serious Mistress was about having the cane readily available for her use on me.  Ever since then she keeps bringing it up so I am fairly certain I will soon be subjected an almost daily caning.  I'd like to say that it frightens me, but my cock is hard.  It's hard, not because I want to be spanked, but because I want her to wield her power over me, in all aspects of my life.

This last paragraph I'm calling my encouragement paragraph.  It's easy to doubt one's self playing in the D/s dynamic, especially the female led dynamic.  I want to let Mistress know that it't still very OK with me to keep me locked in chastity, collared, denied, and selfishly used for her pleasure.  It's OK to make sure I am doing all the chores she doesn't want to do, to keep me locked in the cage, to force me to do things I don't want to do.  It's OK to severely punish me for being disrespectful, to humiliate me, to have me serve you in any way you can dream up.  Don't worry about going too far or pushing me too hard.  We are a long way from my limits.  I just want you to to feel confident with your power over me.  I also want you to feel confident that I am here to protect you and love you as are my Queen.   




 


Monday, January 15, 2018

Yearning to be used

Mistress didn't use me this weekend.  We worked a bit too much and had other stuff going on, so the timing wasn't exactly great.  That doesn't mean that I wasn't ready, willing and able.  I fantasized about being directed to the bedroom to prepare a session for her pleasure.  Blinds draw, candles lit, towels down, a few toys out.  I would stay locked in my chastity device.  Whether I was dressed or not would depend on how Mistress was feeling. I would use my fingers, mouth, tongue and toys to give her as many orgasms as she wanted.  She may or may not tell me about how this is my new life.  Serving her sexually without any regard for my sexual pleasure.  She would tell me that her new goal is to condition my brain to equate her pleasure as my only reward.  At some point she would be spent, she would tell me that she was done with me and that I was to clean up and join her when I was finished cleaning up.  That is the fantasy that was going through my head all weekend.

That wasn't my only fantasy.  After 7 weeks with no orgasm and being in chastity the entire time, my mind is a blur of sexual thoughts and images.  Mistress smacking my balls, breath play, putting more and more bruises on my body, butt plugs, spending time in the cage, using the dildo gag on Mistress.  Getting my ass fucked with the electric butt plug. Going back to my feminization routine.  Painted nails.  Using the fucking machine on us both.  Mistress finding ways to use humiliation on me.  Nipple torture that makes my nipples hurt for days.  Panties, piss play, adding some protocols to our life., Smell training in addition to my perfume.  Being smothered by Mistress.  Being spit on.  Having the strap-on used on me and using the strap-on with Mistress when I am locked up.  Tasks, tasks and more tasks. Torture.  The list goes on and on.  My mind is a mess.

Lastly, there was a comment the other day from a slave that gets a daily maintenance spanking with a cane.  I can easily imagine implementing this in our life.  We have a cane that is perfect for something like this.  I can imagine how getting a caning every morning would set the tone for the day.  Sitting in my office chair with my ass burning from a dozen cane strokes.  Having bruises that never go away.  Trying to fall asleep at night. on a day I acted like a shit, knowing that the next morning will be brutal.  I googled the term, and I came up with a term I like better than a 'maintenance spanking'.   Another couple calls is a reassurance spanking.  Here is his definition. They’re disciplinary in style, but they’re not punishment. That’s why we decided on the term reassurance, because they’re intended to reassure her that I’m there to spank her when she needs, whether she actually needs it at that moment or not.

Regardless of what it's called, it's pretty hot to my submissive mind. 








       If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Chastity Dilemma

Mistress and I are heading out of town for a couple days for Christmas.  We've done the family Christmas and are going to a hotel for a couple of days.

Mistress has already commented that she plans on using her cock while we are away.  She mentioned that she may unlock me for the whole time we are gone, but I'd rather that not happen. In my world, the best case is for me to be locked and only taken out for her use.  In Mistress case, having my cock right there whenever she wants is her best case.  Since I have already confessed that I have masturbated on trips without her knowledge, this is not the best scenario.  Here are some of the options that I see for our weekend.

  • Mistress unlocks me for the entire trip.  I want to remain orgasm free as long as possible, so cheating will not be something that happens.  What could happen however, is that when Mistress is asleep, I will be feeling the cock I haven't felt for an entire month.  That will progress into edging that I may not be able to stop in time.
  • Mistress unlocks me just for sex.  We lose some spontaneity, but I have no way to touch myself and we Mistress maintains 100% control over my cock.  My only fear in this scenario is accidentally orgasming while having sex.  
  • Mistress leaves the keys at home.  We take the Hitachi, a strap-on and any other toys she wants and I can pleasure her while I get nothing.  I could use the strap-on and fuck her for as long as she wants with no risk of me cumming.  Also, I could spend a lot of time with my face between her legs.  As a bonus, Mistress could use the strap-on on me while I am locked.  Talk about a mind-fuck.
  • Lastly, Mistress could keep me unlocked during waking hours and locked when she is sleeping.  She could wear the key on a necklace or safety pin it to her pillow so that she has readily access to the key.  The only downside to this is if she fell asleep before me.
I am always amazed at how going to a hotel seems to release inhibitions and make sex much easier to accomplish that when we are at home.  I am sitting here fantasizing about the above items as well as other things such as wearing some naughty items under my clothes.  Me bringing some restraints on our trip and Mistress tying me to the bed while she goes to the lobby bar.  It makes me think of us finding a 3rd person for a threesome or making me dress in full femme and being made to walk down a hall and back.  Hotels seem make my already depraved brain even more depraved.  No matter what happens we will have a great time!

Merry Christmas to all of my readers. 


Thursday, December 21, 2017

Staying the course

Yesterday I had an overwhelming day.  Work is busy.  I had tech issues which frustrate me to no end because I am fairly tech savvy.  The day went too fast.  I was in a super foul mood.  Unfortunately I was frustrated and short with Mistress for no good reason.

Mistress and I were supposed to go out yesterday afternoon for an evening networking event for her business.  Logistically it wasn't going to work for me, but with my attitude it wasn't going to work for Mistress either, so she ended up going alone.

Not long after she left the house, I got a text from her.  "If I had more time, you would have been locked in the cage all night"

"I could see that" I replied.

"The dry cleaning should be ready" she texted back, which I took to be an order as well as a test.

"I'll go get it" I texted back.

I ran that errand and picked myself up something to cook for dinner.  In addition to that errand I made sure to straighten up the kitchen, do dishes, and get her coffee pot ready for this morning in case she got up before me.  I thought there was a good chance that I was going to be locked in the cage or banished to the spare bedroom if she had enough reason to do so.  Instead, Mistress had a great evening and seems to have forgiven me for my attitude yesterday.  However she did mention a caning is certainly possible moving forward.

When we were getting ready for bed, she indicated that her first inclination was to text me and tell me that D/s would ending until things improved.  She decided that instead of that she could punish me, instead of changing our dynamic.  I thanked her for changing her mind and staying the course.

It's tough when things aren't going right.  When I get mad, I want out of chastity, I push back on anything feminine Mistress wants me to do and I revert back to my macho side that I hate.  Mistress gets frustrated and wants no part of owning me.  We lose lots of ground in our female led relationship.

What is really cool is when we overcome this challenge.  I stay locked in chastity, I suck it up and dress however I am supposed to, I lose my ability to resist.  Mistress punishes me or turns the screws on me even more, to enforce her ownership over me and her intolerance of my insubordination.  Our D/s dynamic gets stronger because we pushed through.  It's not easy, but I am glad we are getting better at doing it.  I am owned more than I ever thought possible.




If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

 

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Falling deeper

I's been 25 days since my last orgasm and 23 days since I have been locked in chastity 24/7 except twice when Mistress let me have sex with her.  I am now really starting to feel the desperation of teasing and denial.  Not so much because of the length of time I have been denied, but because twice in the last week Mistress has used me for her pleasure and locked me back up.  The edging and her comments have me very, very ramped up.  Add the hangover I have this morning from a late night Christmas party and I am an absolute hot mess.  My mind is spinning with some of the most depraved things I can think of.

When I woke up this morning I sprayed on my perfume and almost instantly I went from looking for my male pajamas to going into the spare bedroom and throwing on a pair of panties, capri length jeans and a feminine top.  I wanted to wear something much more feminine including heels, but am also back to being insecure without Mistress' encouragement.

While I was getting dressed I found a pair of black jeans that I forgot I bought.  They are tight and have sparkles on the back pockets. It's then that I thought of going out dressed in public.  I imagined having to go wash Mistress's car and having to dry it off.  I would wear and outfit and makeup that would could pass for male clothes unless someone was paying extra attention.  Starting me off slow and getting me used to the idea of being dressed in public vs having me go out full femme for my first time.

Then my brain, being what it is, had me fantasizing about going to a party later today with naughty items (clothes or toys) under my clothes. It's fantasizing about doing chores at Mistress command.  It's fantasizing about total surrender.  It's thinking about the next two weeks, us both working from home and me not needing to be anywhere and Mistress using me up.  It's fantasizing about what an orgasm would feel like, knowing I don't really want one.

All of that being said, it's a damn good thing I am locked up right now.  If not I know that I would be edging myself to all of the thoughts I am having.  It's starting to be a real mind-fuck when I reach down expecting to have my cock feel my touch and it feels nothing.  It's amazing knowing that my pleasure is 100% dependent on Mistress and there is nothing I can do to change it.

I am going to sign off now.  As a note to my readers, I truly appreciate the recent comments.  It makes my blogging much more fulfilling.

Here is my mood today.



   

Sunday, December 10, 2017

The 99.25% Confession

I was reviewing my chastity log to see where I am at in the grand scheme of things.  I am on my 15th day of continuous lockup.  I thought I was close to a record, and I'm not even close.  Here is where things stack up.

Current - 16 days
Sept 27 - Oct 13 - 16 days
August 29 - Sept 14 - 16 days
Dec 18th 2015 - January 16th, 2016 - 29 days.  This occurred after Mistress sent me an email saying we needed to recalibrate our dynamic. - https://missbossybitchsboy.blogspot.com/2015/12/recalibration.html

It appears it will be New Years Eve before I break my old record.  Now to be fair, my previous records were not 100% continuous.  The 16 day periods this year were with me swapping out devices and being free at least once for a few days.  The 29 day period during our re-calibration period had me out overnight once for a party we went to and for sex another time.  As best as I can tell by going back to old posts, I likely stayed locked for 21 days straight at the end of 2015 and into 2016.

What's interesting from back then is that after I was unlocked in January, I was not locked back up until June. For some reason we skipped a whole four and a half months.

Now that it's my goal to stay locked in chastity 24/7/365 (and I yearn for it) it's time for a confession.  If I am not locked up, I am on the honor system for orgasm control.  Restricting my orgasms is is a fetish for me as well as I believe that it's good for our dynamic.  It's something I want badly.  But I am human and not perfect and I surrender to temptation occasionally.  Just doing the math, I am around 99.25% successful on the honor system.  That sounds pretty impressive until you realize that means I
have 2-3 unauthorized orgasms per year.  This number is lower now that Mistress works from home, but it still occasionally happens.  Another way to look at this number is that if I am permitted to cum 20-30 times a year and I add 2-3 extra orgasms, I have a 10% fail rate.

The first way this happens is when I try to edge myself and get carried away.  These generally don't result in a full orgasm as I really do try to stop in time, but far too much cum is released for it not to affect my libido.  The 2nd way this happens is outright cheating.  I purposefully stroke and have have an orgasm, making it quick and satisfying.  When I do this, it's after Mistress has given me an orgasm and my submissive libido is down.  It's more likely to happen after a ruined or less than a fully satisfying orgasm.  I get a taste of what an orgasm is like and I can't handle thinking I won't have one for a long time again.

While I'm at it, I should add that no time is safe.  In fact, more of my cheats have happened while we are on a vacation somewhere.  Mistress and I tend to have sex on vacation (so my submissiveness drops a bit) and when I can't sleep I sneak off to masturbate so I can fall asleep.  Moving forward, going on vacation shouldn't mean a vacation from chastity, especially at night.

I am not proud of my cheating.  I have promised Mistress that 100% of my orgasms are hers to control.  As much as I believe in the honor system, I can't promise that I won't fail in the future.  I am weaker than I thought and apparently need help with control. 










       

 


Friday, December 8, 2017

Posts and/or Quotes that speak to me.

Mistress recently told me that if I link to another page, she generally doesn't go to the link.  So I went though many of the links I have done in the past and put them below.  Some are basic one liners that make my cock hard, others are more in depth and go deeper into my psyche.



He wants you to be his QUEEN, so go ahead and be one.



Do things without particular reason, use your sub in ways you never thought about before. Feel the power, let him feel the loss of it.



Make sure you are served well whenever you feel like being served.






If you are just indulging in your husbands fantasies, and not really taking control by pushing your man into doing uncomfortable things, then you are really again, just being controlled by him.

In order for female dominance to become real, you must make it real, by forcing him to do things that he does not want to do. You will either be done with all of this, or you will have the breakthrough, where you truly have brought your man to his knees in full servitude to you for the rest of your life.

Consider it like breaking a horse or training a dog. Men are no different. They can be trained to submit to your will on all matters but you do have to “break him”.



Take him, break him, mold him, and have a relationship with him, that few ever get to experience.  A relationship that puts you on a pedestal, with him serving you as you wish.  Imagine a relationship, where chores are the mans job, (unless you want to help), orgasms are an obligation for the men to give, and a privilege for him to be granted rarely for exceptional servitude.

This is your world now. You are dominant, and your man is your submissive. He asked for this, but he didn’t realize what it meant. Too bad.



You are now the dominant goddess of the house. What you say goes, is what goes. There are no exceptions. What you want is what you get… Be disciplined with yourself, and do not do things that contradict your dominance.



How nice is it to have an unpaid servant who’s glad to serve you? That is the premise and the promise of a Femdom relationship.






When it comes to chastity, you are not punishing your man - you are protecting him from his perfectly normal lack of self-control.  You are not denying him sexual pleasure. In fact, when you do release him from his male chastity belt, sex will feel better for him and his orgasms will become much more intense.  You are not denying yourself the sex life you deserve. While he’s locked up he’ll use his mouth and fingers to provide you with sexual satisfaction on a regular basis. And, there are ways that you have satisfying penetrative sex while he is still under lock and key…



When done correctly, your man will feel more loved by you than he did before male chastity became a part of your life. In fact, most men eventually thank their wives for insisting on the lifestyle.  While at first you’ll only keep him locked up for a few days at a time, eventually he should be restricted to eight to 12 orgasms a year. This is more than enough.  Over time he’ll start to feel like more of a man, because he’ll know that all of his sexual energy is going towards pleasing you. He’ll like the fact that he no longer feels like a little boy who can’t control himself when you are not looking. Instead, he will be saving himself for you…



Punishments are a very effective tool in a FLR. In fact, I would say a punishment is very powerful when done right. Punishing your husband is essential for keeping the FLR strong. When you administer a punishment, it lets him know there are consequences for bad behavior and it also brings a fierce reality to his submission to you. When he faces the consequences doled out by you, it sends a clear message that this is not all fantasy and that you have authority over him. In my opinion, when you punish your husband and he accepts it, it has a real effect on his psyche which elevates your authority over him and pushes him deeper into submission to you. The ultimate outcome is a husband that is obedient and doing everything possible to make you happy.



Make sex more devotional with less penetrative intercourse. Use his tongue a lot. Just watch how his balls get bigger and bigger. Regularly, leave him frustrated. He’ll be more assertive, more attentive, more eager to please.





Intensifying - whichever action you take, request or carry out, each time you repeat it, intensify it a little bit.



He confesses that he feels humiliated on occasion as I use him for my pleasure leaving him with an engorged penis and my secretions covering his face as I just walk away.  But this dynamic makes him even harder, so I discount it.



Submissive men have a need to serve, they want to be trained, held accountable and punished for their mistakes. This is all part of having a female authority in their lives. And they need the relationship to be real, not some game, something she does just to please him. But men and women think differently and women have a hard time, especially in the beginning, understanding the needs of a submissive man. They tend project their own feelings and their way of thinking into the situation.  Too many women see themselves as mean, selfish, arrogant and cruel. So they struggle to take on the role of the female authority in a femdom marriage …Know this, we are not being mean or selfish or cruel, instead we are giving our men the gift of servitude. Which just happens to be exactly what they want and need.




Your Control over him - It comes in waves, it comes slowly. The best part of it is seeing your sub accepting it, adapting to it and finally handing it over, completely. Even better is seeing him starting to anticipate everything, your wishes, your needs, etc. Even better then that is hearing no complaints, no cry-outs for what he is lacking. And even better then that is the sense of rush hitting your brain every time you realize he will obey anything.



The best way to dominate your man is to make him do things you know he doesn’t want to do, both  in and out of the bedroom.



Male orgasm denial has numerous benefits, but do you know the chemical reasoning behind them? Endorphins, hormones, neurotransmitters, and neurochemicals (neurochemistry) affect how we ALL think and feel. By controlling your mans orgasms, you can control their brain chemicals and can condition (train) them.




Orgasm control is a powerful psychological aspect for a submissive man, and you too will learn to enjoy your teasing and control. It is another important power exchange with you controlling the single physical aspect of maleness that is maleness alone, a hard cock and orgasm at will.


You should orgasm much more than he does. That goes without question, his submissiveness definitely translates into you cumming more. You need to teach him how to orally please you better, and as often as you like.




The more I feminize him, the more submissive and pliable he becomes.  I love watching him do a long list of chores in his maid outfit while I watch my programs.




All I have to do is threaten taking my husband out in his feminine attire and his behavior dramatically gets better.



His smooth muscular chest was covered in a lace corset. His tan athletic shoulders were looming over his constricted waist. All of the places that I held him were covered and pinched. I hadn't realized how much I loved his male body until he dressed as a woman.



Then I pointed to a pink bra on the bed and told him to put it on. He looked at me surprised.  I told him firmly to put it on and not ask questions.



Making him wear panties while caged, was one of the hottest ideas we came up with. You have no idea how extinguishing for his male ego this is, it’s not just a good idea, it’s bullseye.



Back rubs, foot rubs, leg rubs, body massages, anything you think you might like you should try, and then do as much as you like. He loves every minutes of doing anything for you, especially if he is physically close to you.


The only thing standing in your way of having everything you dreamed is your own head. Take your man, boss him around, hurt him, be a bitch. Don’t think about it. Just do it. You will see what happens. He will become more obedient. He will automatically start doing the chores. He will ask you what you need.  He loves you, and wants you to own him. Deep down, he needs to feel loved, wanted, and being your sex toy for some reason, shows him this more than anything else you could do. Because truthfully, a true sub with a woman doesn’t care about the specifics if you do this right, or that you do that right. He cares about you telling him what to do, and him having to comply…



If you want roses, you get them…
If you want back rubs, you get them…
If you want an orgasm, you get it…
If you want to come home to a clean house, you get it…





You may want to put him through a number of tests to ensure he can serve you properly and in all ways. You could include both domestic and intimate tasks. These would test his abilities to maintain the home or bedroom, as well as making sure he can anticipate and satisfy you every need and desire.
You could see if he can provide sexual pleasure for extended periods neither seeking pleasure for himself nor succumbing to his own lust spontaneously, particularly if he has been placed in chastity.



Don’t be afraid to adjust the rules to meet current needs. As people grow, things change. A rule that once made sense, may no longer be required, or perhaps something that was once strict needs to become more lenient (or vice versa).



Once he has had a taste of bliss serving you, and if you work with him, and spend some time training him, and fulfill his needs, all of your dreams will come true.  Dream it, ask it, order him to make it come true, and watch him scramble to make it happen.



You might also wish to assert your Dominance of him by choosing his clothes and other attire. This can include another less obvious collar which could be worn under clothing, cock rings, and chastity devices.



Tell him what to do, and expect him to obey immediately, without question. Remember, if you want him to treat you like a Queen, you have to act like a Queen.



You give him his dream, you receive what most women dream about, unconditional surrender, attention, time and being placed at an invisible pedestal.



I am now thoroughly convinced that no man can be so devoted to a woman as a submissive man can. And lets face it, most women want just that, devotion.



Never take a NO for an answer, never tolerate excuses. Be on top of things all the time. Step by step, disallow whatever you see fit. Train him into unquestionable obedience and humility.



As a service-oriented submissive it is your duty to strive to make the dominants life less stressful and more enjoyable.



In a FLR, discipline is a very important part. Disciplining your male sub, whether it’s about physical or mental, should definitely be presented on daily basis. Real submissive men learn they roles quickly and practically, they do not need discipline to keep them in line. However, levels of submission highly depend on discipline, more precisely the type of discipline.





I therefore suggest, if you are a dominant, you make absolutely clear the pleasure you get from each and every slice of adversity to which you subject your submissive. You can’t be shy about being cruel, about being a sadist. You must be bold about this. Make sure some adversity is simply for your pleasure and nothing more. Your submissive will be further in awe of you if you do. Your submissive will feel even more helplessly under your power.




I highly recommend some type of daily  ritual where the sub is required to do something in a D/s context.  This ritual will help the submissive mentally transition into a true submissive role in the relationship.


A nice benefit of rituals is once a ritual is established, the submissive knows exactly what to do. The Dominant partner does not have to worry about giving commands (unless they are part of the ritual) or telling the submissive what to do.  We have a bath ritual that I just love.    I just have to whisper to him, "get my bath ready."




Kink is certainly are a part of the FLR for many people, including myself, but they are only a small piece of the overall FLR.  The FLR is more about a lifestyle decision to accept the woman as the lead.  It is about the male embracing his obedience to his wife and striving to please her.  Life does get in the way sometimes but in a healthy FLR the underlying dynamic of the FLR remains intact during those busy times. 






I find that regular sessions in our female led marriage keep him from becoming lazy or forgetting his chores and responsibilities.  If I wait too long between sessions, he tends to slack off a bit or become lazy.  It's like maintenance on your car.  You have to take your car in for regular maintenance in order to keep it running in top condition.  You could always skip maintenance but your car will not perform at its best and overtime a break down will occur.  Discipline sessions are what keep your husband serving you at his best and prevent a break down in the relationship from occurring.  With regular discipline you should have less need for punishment.




Once you have established a female led relationship based on previous lessons, body worship is the next step.  Body worship is not a sexual act.  Anything from massage to masturbation or from giving her a bath and washing her hair to painting her nails or helping her shave.  It's about her.



Free Time: how he spends his free time is up to you. If he has been obedient and done all his tasks, you can treat him to a limited time where he gets to do an activity. Make sure he negotiates with you and gives you options. You ultimately decide how he spends his free time. It is important that free time is revoked when he has not been 100% obedient or dutiful. Instead of free time he has then earned corner time when he’s not working for you.





Your husband wants an FLR. But he won’t be able to keep to it at first. It is hard to change habits and develop new habits. You will need something to exert absolute control over him.
In my experience, the best way to control your husband is to take control over his finances. Instruct him to have his paycheck paid into an account you and only you control. Next, have him hand over control of all his accounts bar one. Every month, you can write him a check he can deposit into this account. That way, the worse he performs, the less money he gets and the more he feels his dependency on you.




Rigorously adhering to a schedule of weekly discipline session for a submissive partner is very important.  At a scheduled time each week, you and your partner know that you will have him over your lap, over the back of a chair, or over the edge of the bed for an extended session with the cane or what ever tool you select. This is the session that will fix that laziness and it provides the opportunity for you to vent your frustration – like a discharge of built-up electrical power. When the frustration and irritation is gone the spanking ends, and not before. Whats important here is that this is not ’ play time’ and this is not for his pleasure. Spankings are meant to hurt as your partner is supposed to actually learn from  the lessons you try to teach him.



Man’s greatest motivating force is his desire to please Women… 





Yes.  I have Rules.  And Yes, you will obey them.
And Yes, you will love me for it.
Oh, Yes.



Forced Performances. This is very entertaining and again a low-effort humiliation. Sometimes I like to put on some music and have him dance for me. I’ll make him perform a little strip tease, twerk, etc. Sometimes I will have him masturbate for me. I’ll give directions. (these are great times for video recording)



Spitting. We’re getting a little more extreme here. Don’t be afraid to spit on your male. This can be especially degrading during pegging, even more so during deepthroat training. While he’s making eye contact, just launch a huge wad of spit right in his face. He’ll love you for it! It can also be degrading while you’re criticizing his performance to spit in his face.



He fucking hates this, which is why I love it. Any time he has an orgasm during any femdom activity, he’s eating it or its going on his face. I don’t care where it lands, how he came, if it was an accident, or if he really doesn’t want to. That cum is going in his mouth and down his throat. There are a lot of ways to accomplish this, but I really enjoy planning ahead for it. Its also a huge turn on for him, knowing that he’s going to be forced to eat it, even though immediately after he cums he’s absolutely repulsed by it. 



For added humiliation, I frequently take pictures and video of my pet during these humiliating sessions. I keep these and then use them later for additional humiliation. Seriously, having a video of him, with his face covered in his own semen, apologizing for not deepthroating my strapon well enough, all while dressed in daisy dukes and a bikini top….well that’s just good entertainment. Sometimes I make him watch some of the videos with me and laugh at him. It always results in a giant erection in his pants, haha.



Thursday, December 7, 2017

Slavier

Mistress and I have a fairly equal relationship.  We do a good job of sharing chores around the house.  We outsource cleaning to a cleaning service.  We have our own bank accounts and bills. 

When Mistress was working in a office 50+ hours a week, I worked from home.  I took on much more of the household responsibilities.  I made her coffee most mornings, I made her lunch and I did my best to keep dishes done and dinners planned and prepared.  I was definitely in service mode and most of our friends knew I was the house husband.  Even though it was practical, I was able to twist this into me being her slave, and these were my slave duties. 

For a little more than a year Mistress has been working from home and for the last 6 months I have had to go into the office.  The roles have flipped quite a bit.  Because it's practical.  I still try to make her coffee.  I don't make her lunch and she has been cooking a ton. 

In our day-to-day routine, Mistress treats me well.  Occasionally Mistress will require me to fetch her a drink.  But other than that she doesn't order me around much. 

If I were wired like a typical guy this would all be normal if not expected.  But I'm not wired that way.  Even before puberty, I had fantasies of girls that used me.  When I was younger I would let girls copy my homework.  The girl I lost my virginity to used me in a way that fulfilled my submissive nature.  She was younger than me and more sexually experienced.  She would use me as her chauffeur, for companionship when she got bored and for sex, long after we were no longer dating.  In my early adult years I dated a couple women that would use me for companionship (no sex as much as I tried) and to pick them up if they were out drinking too much and didn't want to drive home.  All of these occurrences made me feel like I was being friend zoned or pussy whipped, but in reality it fed my submissive tendencies.  To be of use and to serve a woman was what was actually happening.  It turns out the women that I dated that treated me well, likely treated me too well.  They didn't use me and therefore it didn't fill that part of me.  I ended up treating them worse than I treated the women that treated me poorly.

That brings me to this part of my life.  I am mature enough to know that being treated well is rare and I am lucky to have it.  Mistress treats we well, but she also doesn't let me get away with treating her poorly.  She can be demanding which obviously fills a need for me.  She can be very nice as well which fills a need for my non-kinky side.

All of that being said, I yearn to be more of a slave to Mistress.  This past weekend Mistress thought we should have some drinks.  I didn't realize it and she went into the kitchen to make them.  When I noticed, I said "don't you think I should be making you a drink?  What good is having a slave if you don't use him?"  She realized that I was right and came back to the sofa to let me serve her.  As it should be. 

Last night I tried to peel some shrimp we were having for dinner.  She wouldn't let me.  We have some stuff going on in our lives that makes me think she is trying to serve me, to show appreciation for some sacrifices I am making for the 2 of us.  While I appreciate the gesture, I would rather she not serve me.  I would rather she make me serve her.

Even though I am older and more mature and I appreciate the balance we have in our relationship, I still want to be used.  It fulfills something deep inside of me.  I want to be used to make her life easier and I even want to be used in ways that tests my willingness to serve.  I am going to list a bunch of ideas down below along with my 'I'm not topping from the bottom' disclaimer.  It's important to note that some of these things seem mean or even bully-ish, but that's if you aren't wired the way I am.  It's like opposite world, nice is mean and mean is nice.

Ideas below - not topping from the bottom.
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I started a list of specific things.  I deleted it.  There is no need for a detailed list.  If Mistress needs ideas there are plenty in this blog, there are plenty in communications we have had over the years, and there are plenty of ideas with a quick search of the internet. 

This is a good synopsis of what I am hoping to communicate with this post.

Chastity - you rule the penis, you rule the man

Power - accept (and use) your power over your slave

Delegate - whatever it is your are doing, decide if your slave should be doing it. Remember, this fulfills him even if he doesn't like the task at hand.

Sexual Satisfaction - make sure you are sexually satisfied, that will satisfy your slave.

Discipline - regular discipline to reinforce your dynamic, daily or weekly as necessary.

Humiliation - can be a fun and effective way to keep the male ego in check

Feminization - keep your slave in a certain state of mind

Subspace - making sure your slave goes into sub-space frequently keeps him grounded

Rituals - set a tone of submission for him