Wife Away Day 6

I am my horniest between the hours of 3 A.M and 9 A.M, with the peak being around 6 or 7.  While I woke up really ramped up, my libido waned later in the day, likely because of my unplanned orgasm the other night.

Besides wearing feminine clothes all day, I went through our 2 bins of toys and implements.  I went through dozens of chastity devices eliminating the ones I haven't touched in years.  I put all of the insertables and silicone items in for a quick spin in the dishwasher.  I put everything in a dedicated plastic bag to keep it clean.

while going through all of the toys I ran across our strap-on harness. Mistress had this toy before we met and it's only been used on me.  I got curious if I could use it on her while I was locked in chastity.  I've seen lots of videos where the guy is fucking his Mistress hard while his cock swings safely locked up.  Most of us chastity slaves can't last very long so this seems to be the ideal way to give Mistress a cock that satisfies her need for penetration.  It's also a major mindfuck for the slave.  He is going through all of the motions of intercourse.  He is thrusting, and he can see "his" cock go into his Mistress, he feels all the physical sensation of fucking, but his cock feels absolutely nothing.  A win/win proposition if you ask me. 

This is me

I ended my evening my going to bed wearing another nighty.

The Submissive Paradox

I have learned a lot about my submissive side over the last 10 months.  Here is where I have failed over the last 30+ years of being a submissive. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.  That's a problem if one wants to be in a true female-led relationship  The only one that should be able to have cake and eat it, is Mistress. The slave gets only what Mistress wants the slave to have.  I tried to make it about me more than her.

This leads me to what Mistress Scarlet https://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/ calls the Submissive Paradox.  Here is the absolute best explanation that I have finally (after 35 years) come to understand and accept.  I underlined the sections that really speak to me

‘If you love your submissive and you wish to be kind to your submissive and have him sleep the most sound and contented sleep they can ever know, then the saying -‘you have to be cruel to be kind’, is the mantra by which you must live. 

The deeply submissive is a paradox. They need to feel helplessly in the control of another. That entails feeling that they are treated unfairly when it comes to things like the allocation of chores and leisure time. It means they have to be genuinely very fearful and frightened of the punishments that are given in response to infractions. It also means they have to be subjected to pain and humiliation that they do not enjoy. It is only when they are genuinely fearful of punishment for infractions and when they suffer pain and humiliation and unfairness they genuinely would rather not experience, that they feel truly controlled and in the helpless power of another. And without feeling truly controlled and in the helpless power of another, they can NEVER be wholly content with their lives. 

So real love and kindness for a true submissive does not mean going easy on them in any way, or being fair with them – that causes discontent and unhappiness and is not being kind.

In turn, the dominant woman is hooked on the addictive and arousing drug of using and abusing real power, over her male.

That's the paradox. Being cruel is being nice.  That doesn't mean 24/7 whip-wielding. Mistress can be nice, kind, and helpful when she wants to be, but also needs to be truly cruel for the submissive to feel loved and contented. Also, being cruel in a way the submissive wants is counter-productive.  This has been my problem for years. Wanting to be dominated my way and not realizing it didn't work for Mistress means it really wasn't working for me.  Here are some day-to-day examples of the paradox when I think of how it affects me.

Orgasm Control - I want to cum when I want to cum. When Mistress controls and denies my orgasms, I don't really like it. Unfortunately, that's when I get immensely turned on.  Being submissive means that the more my orgasms are controlled the more I am in awe of Mistress.  Orgasm control doesn't necessarily mean denial, it just means that I don't have a say in it.  On the flip side, being forced to orgasm multiple times until it's impossible to cum is another form of control.

Chastity - Chastity isn't just about orgasm control, it's about total control.  Being locked and having Mistress mostly ignore it shouldn't be arousing, but it is.  This is especially true now with my new perspective and I can see being locked 99.9% of the time for the rest of my life.  If I ever ask or beg to be unlocked, denying that request seems cruel but it's not. It’s kind based on the Submissive Paradox.  I am pretty good on the honor system, but not good enough.  

Chores - Chores have to be done.  That's what happens in relationships. Many would say that equal distribution of chores is necessary for a healthy relationship.  The Submissive Paradox says otherwise. The more unequal the chores are, the better it is for the Mistress/Slave dynamic.  Don't misunderstand this.  I don't want to do more chores and I don't enjoy them, but something happens inside my brain when Mistress makes me do chores. The idea of an endless list of chores is overwhelming and therefore powerful. Making the chores more difficult or humiliating makes them worse and therefore makes it better.   

Personal Service - In this relationship, Mistress should think of herself as a ruler of her kingdom (like Cleopatra) and me as just one of her lowly slaves. Waking Mistress up as she wishes to be woken.  Coffee service in the morning (me handing it to her).  Holding doors. Pedicures at her feet. Turning down her bed in the evening. Serving her drinks during the day. Fetching things for her that she could easily get for herself, but increases the dynamic.  The list of personal services is never-ending and I should be doing as many as Mistress wishes.

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Feminization - The only hair on my body are my eyebrows.  I wear a nighty every night. Most nights I am good with it, but some nights I feel silly and not manly.  It's these nights where the nighty is the most powerful.  Wearing panties is the same story.  I used to occasionally wear female deodorant and now it's all I ever wear.  Nail polish is one of those things that can’t be removed easily and is a constant reminder. All of these things create some level of humiliation which again, explains the Submissive Paradox.  Mistress recently threatened me with feminization while I clean and that makes me blush with shame but also makes me in awe of her for making me endure it.  The more feminization I endure the less in control I am and the more  I want to obey. 

Punishment - It's been a very long time since I have been punished.  Also, I don't know that I have ever been truly punished by Mistress (other than stopping D/s activities).  Without the Submissive Paradox, a true and proper beating seems abusive.  With the Submissive Paradox, a beating where I am truly begging for it to end and fearing it ever being repeated would be deeply effective and arousing.  I don’t want to be punished but I want to truly fear Mistress so that I have no choice but to obey. Punishment doesn’t have to be a beating either. Removal of privileges. Punishments you’d give a child or teenager.  The list is extensive.

Mind-Fuckery - The Submissive Paradox really shines here. Fucking with a slaves mind just for the sake of it. Taking something that they find pleasurable and making it unpleasurable. Pushing them slighly further than they think they can take. Punishing for absolutely no reason. Turning a funishment into a punishment.  Making him do a chore over that he just did. Creating a task that serves no purpose other than to fuck with the submissive. Leaving a mess just to have the slave clean it up. I think of it as bullying. Having to suck it up while being treated unfairly would suck, but it would also push all sorts of buttons inside me.  Again, it’s the Submissive Paradox.

I’d love your opinion on this post.  As a submissive do you feel the same way?  As a dominant, does it make sense?  If you’re vanilla and somehow reading this, what are your thoughts?e

Thinking The Unthinkable - continued

Forced-Bi

Gotcha!  Forced Bi is still a hard limit for me.  I love playing with butt plugs and dildos.  I love having my ass penetrated and I love the humiliation of sucking on them. However, the rest of the male body and male attitude does nothing for me (not even my own).  While I am not into guys, I am super impressed with how creative and mean gay Masters can be.  I don’t ever fantasize about it a bisexual encounter, but it’s so common in the Femdom kink world I do consider how quite a few men end up in forced-bi situations.  Due to how I was brought up I believe I would have a hard time dealing with it if it did happen. That being said, I do believe that this is a hard limit that could be exceeded with the right circumstances.  I don't like the term 'forced'.  I prefer the term coerced.  Every one of my limits has been expanded with practice and being coerced to go just a little bit further than my perceived limit.  I don't see why this would be any different with enough time and patience and persistence.

I’m a huge believer in conditioning of the mind especially when it aligns with existing kinks. I don’t see it as a stretch that if Mistress wanted to me see with a man and was set on making it happen, it would, with the right training and conditioning.  Normalizing the concept in my head.

It would start with chastity. The longer I go without cumming the more my defenses get lowered. Mistress would make sure I watched lots BDSM porn that pushes my buttons but instead of Femdom it would be gay BDSM, trans or forced-bi BDSM.  

Mistress would make sure I spent hours almost every day with something in my ass, and have me practice giving head to dildos. Both sweet soft blowjobs to deep-throating without gagging. 

Mistress would often blindfold me and tie me to the bed. She would tease and deny me to keep me ramped up. She would tell me what her plans were for me and tease me about how much she would love it. She would make me repeat her plans for me so many times they become my words. She would force a dildo down my throat while stroking my cock or use the Hitachi on my cock cage. 

Mistress would use her strap-on with me. She would make me kneel and give her head as long as she wanted before making me bend over and making me beg to have her fuck me in the ass.  I could no longer call her Mistress but would have to call her Sir. 

Mistress would also make me post on gay online forums asking for advice and finding a gay Dom to assist in my training. Who better than a gay male Dom to know what to do?

After several months I imagine that my mind would be slowly accepting my fate. During our tease and denial sessions, Mistress would make me tell her stories and my thoughts. She’d make me say things like “I wish I could have a real cock in my mouth Mistress”. “Please Mistress, bring me a real cock” just to be able to have some stimulation.

At some point, I’d be tied to the bed. Mistress would have me teased to a frenzy. I’d be begging for a real cock and Mistress leaves the room. After a while, an attractive, naked man with a slightly above-average cock walks into the room and sits in a chair. I’m in shock. Mistress comes back to the bed. She’s now stroking my cock and asking me if I want a real cock. I look at the man and shake my head “No”, my eyes pleading. She tells me she won’t make me do anything.  I’m going to have to ask for it.  

She keeps me on the edge driving me crazy. I keep begging to cum, but she says I’ll have to ask for his cock before she’ll let me cum. 

I refuse. She then offers, how about I meet you in the middle?  If you’re not ready to suck his cock, how about I let him suck your cock until you cum?  Then he’ll leave. That seems like a fair trade doesn’t it?  

At this point I am so worked up and am relieved I won’t have to suck this guy's cock. I reluctantly agree. The guy gets up and comes over to me. He places his naked body in between my legs and starts expertly stroking my cock. I moan. He alternates between stroking my cock and sucking on it. Mistress sits on one side of the bed by my face and looks into my eyes with a devious smile. I ask her to let me cum. She says it’s not up to her. It’s up to my new gay Master.

He then tells me he’s an expert at edging and can break me. He keeps me on the edge and asks if I want him to stop. I do want him to stop but want to cum even more.  I ask him to please keep stroking me and to let me cum. He maneuvers his body around so that his mouth is over my cock and his cock is over my head a few inches from my mouth. He tells me he will let me cum if I just kiss his cock as brings me to the edge again. At this point, I’m a mess. I’m this far in and it’s just a quick kiss to get an orgasm. I give his cock a quick peck. He says “See, that wasn’t so bad” and he takes my cock in his mouth again. As I feel an orgasm starting he stops. He says “I’ve changed my mind. I want you to reach up and hold my cock in your mouth while I get you off.”  I relent. I lift my head to place his cock in my mouth.  He says, “Good job my little sissy”  I look over and see Mistress smiling, knowing that her training has paid off.

He again starts sucking my cock again. As he brings me to the edge he stops again. He tells me that he will now get me off if I want, but he will time the strokes of his mouth to the strokes of my mouth. If I want him to go faster on my cock I’ll have to go faster on his cock. 

At this point, I’m too far gone. I go to town on his cock. He lowers his hips so that I am taking him deeper into my mouth and I speed up my pace sucking his cock. He speeds up his pace sucking on my cock. I was so close to the edge that I should be cumming by now but I’m not, I’m still riding on the edge. I notice that the faster he goes, the less stimulation he gives me. He’s edging me and not letting me cum!  

I moan in frustration at my predicament. He raises his hips and takes his cock out of my mouth. He says, “Have something to say sissy?” I reply, “Please let me cum.”  He says “Please let me cum, what?”  I say “Please let me cum, Sir”.  He says "Beg for my cock in your mouth and I’ll finish what I started." He starts sucking my cock again keeps pushing me to the edge and stopping each time he senses me getting too close to an orgasm.  

I give up in desperation. “Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!” He tells me to repeat it until he’s convinced I really want it. 

“Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!”

“Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!”

“Please Sir! Please put your cock in my mouth!”

He looks over at Mistress and tells her “I told you I could get him to beg for my cock”. She laughs and tells me “Open your mouth you little slut”. 

As I open my mouth, he lowers his cock into my mouth and presses his hips against my face. His cock goes to the back of my throat. If Mistress hadn’t spent months with my deep throat training I’d be choking right now. Instead, I relax my throat and focus on not choking and the amazing blow job I am getting. My eyes are watering as he puts additional suction on my cock. I feel the orgasm starting to erupt after months of denial. I try to scream out as I can feel my prostate release but my scream is blocked by his cock. As my body shudders and cum starts shooting out of my cock, he pulls his cock out of my mouth.  I gasp for air and scream in ecstasy.  Then I realize he's not stopping.  He's still sucking my dick and I start screaming due to the over-stimulation. Fuck!  Post-orgasm torture. I squirm and beg while he says "I am in control sissy.  Next time you shouldn't fight it so hard".  All I can think at this point is at least he didn’t make me swallow his load.

He finally stops and I catch my breath.  I'm not prepared for what happens next.  The man walks over to Mistress and tells her to kneel.  She drops to the floor and kneels in front of his cock.  He tells her to suck it and make him cum.  I am in shock.  Mistress would never let me talk to her like that.  While she goes to town on his cock he tells me that he is the guy she has been fucking on her dates.  He tells me that occasionally she likes to give up control, but she wants a dominant man and not a submissive sissy pretending to be dominant with her.  

He grabs her hair and forces her head deeper onto his cock.  I'm even more in shock. She seems to be liking this treatment.  His eyes roll back into his head as he starts to cum.  Mistress eagerly sucks every drop from his cock just like he did to me.  He releases his hold on her and as she dries her lips with her hands, she looks at me like the cat that ate the canary.  She says, "I told you I would get you to take a cock without forcing you to do it".  

Thinking the Unthinkable

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Sex while locked

Thursday night I stayed up working late. Mistress was exhausted and went to bed while I stayed up and finished working on a problem deal we have in our business. When I wrapped up what I was working on I was too energized to sleep.  Being as horny as I am, I decided to surf some porn.  I turned to my old Tumblr feed https://mbbsboy.bdsmlr.com/

I hadn’t been on Tumblr since they decided to no longer allow posts of adult sexual content. Boy was I wrong. Apparently, they have not had much success getting rid of this content. Within a couple minutes, I came across a video of a couple. The guy was lying on his back and he was locked in chastity. He was wearing a strap-on with a dildo that I’m guessing was about twice as large as he was. He was locked so there is no way of knowing for sure.  His Mistress proceeded to climb on top of his fake cock in the same way I have seen Mistress climb on top of my cock many times. She proceeded to make love with her man and his substitute cock. For about 12 minutes she rode him hard, having multiple orgasms. She never stopped moving her hips.  If she was riding his real cock the same way I can’t imagine him not coming in just a few minutes, ending her fun. During and after this scene she kept telling him how much she loved this new cock and how much she was loving a proper fucking. The other thing I noticed is that it looked like they were having real sex. His hands caressed her body like nothing was different. He was moaning, but I’m sure it was out frustration and not stimulation. As I sat there watching this I was extremely turned on. I was on my 2nd glass of wine after Mistress went to bed and was wishing I could drop my pants and stroke my cock and cum into the trash can beside my desk. But there is no more sneaking orgasms any more for me.  I am owned. 

Since I saw that video my mind has been racing with ways for Mistress and me to have sex while still denying me.  The scene above is one way. The nice thing about a strap on is that all sex is still possible (for Mistress) and we can still hold each other and be close. The other nice thing is that a strap-on can last longer than me. As long as I’ve been locked I’d be lucky to last more than 4-5 minutes and I would have to keep stopping to last that long. Another option is our cock sheath. It’s thick enough that I shouldn’t be too stimulated, but the risk is that I could be because I am just so sensitive right now. Lastly, we always have the fucking machine.  I don’t have any cuckold fantasies other than watching this machine fuck Mistress while I stay locked.  That would be such a mindfuck. 

Going back to my last post, the ladies lounge pant that Mistress bought me and the tank I was wearing has really gotten me going. Yesterday we had to get up early and get the house ready for the cleaning people. Instead of putting in my make clothes when I woke up, I put on my new outfit and got to cleaning. I fantasized that our new routine would be that on the night before the cleaning people come, I am to wear something feminine and clean up the downstairs while Mistress goes to bed without me. There is something about starting my day dressed in something feminine. 

Today is my 45th day in a row of being locked up. I have been locked 139 days YTD which means I have only been unlocked for 55 days all year. 30 more days and I will have surpassed my most locked up year ever. The best part is that Mistress really does seem to be enjoying my situation and she’s done an amazing job of reminding me of her control over me and that by days of cumming without permission are over.  Her enjoyment of my predicament is a dream come true for a guy like me.

Birthday confession

Today was a milestone birthday for me. Tonight I got a preview of my upcoming birthday sex. I was tied to the bed, teased to the edge more times than I could count. Since I wasn’t able to control the edging and Mistress demanded confessions I quickly found myself making embarrassing confessions.

I confessed to masturbating to orgasm without permission, which ended up with me having my balls excruciatingly smacked dozens of times. I was also sentenced to immediate chastity as well as unknown upcoming feminization. I also confessed to my dark desire to be forced to clean Mistress piss after she pees all the way up to consuming an entire wine glass of her urine. Not because I have any desire to do the actual act (it doesn's sound pleasant) but rather to be forced (or coerced) into such a nasty situation is the real turn on for me.

I also confessed my desire to be feminized more as well as having to wear a chastity device forever other than when the am to service Mistress. I also begged for cruel punishment and correction, the harsher the better. I now have to create my own system for all of my proclivities, to include feminization, chastity, household chores and other acts of servitude. Penalties for infractions include seclusion for hours, electro punishment, cage time, strict and painful bondage and loss of privileges which I begged for all of these harsh treatments. I really hope we can get there.

Marks from last night...  I love wearing her marks...

Flipping Switches

I love it when Mistress gets inside my brain and flips a few kinky switches.  She did it to me yesterday, announcing that I would soon have my toenails painted again, be sleeping in nighties and be dressing feminine around the house again.

It's amazing how so few words can have such a large impact on me.  I realized just how many things flip a switch in me.  A spray of perfume in the morning.  Each time I feel or see my collar locked around my neck.  Seeing my toenails painted.  Feeling or seeing my chastity device. Feeling my hole tighten around a butt plug. Mistress ordering me to refill her glass.  Being naked when Mistress is dressed.  Panties.  Mistress doing anything to my nipples.  Knowing how easy I have made it for Mistress to cane my ass.  When Mistress talks about putting me in the cage.  When Mistress tells me she masturbated.  When I come across a picture of myself in a compromising situation.  When Mistress gives me an order or task.  When Mistress calls me bitch or other term.  When Mistress doesn't use please and thank you when telling me to do something.  When Mistress taunts me about being taken out dressed in public.  Seeing bruises on my body.  Feeling pain for days after a scene.

The list goes on and on. It’s surprising, how little comments can blow up so big in my submissive mind. At some point they can become a real mindfuck and I love a good mindfuck.