Randomness

Here are some images that I’ve saved over the last few days in my terribly horny condition.

I've been begging for a HARD birthday caning.  The above picture is only 30 strokes and I really want 50 hard ones.  I'd love for my ass to look like this or worse.  I'd love to not be able to sit for a couple of days. 

Mistress is pretty good at busting my balls, but I saw this and loved how inventive it is.  His balls are bound and forced between his thighs.  His thighs are then tightly tied together.  His balls are a perfect target, especially with his hands bound.  Would love/hate to try this sometime. 

 

Apparently, I need it.

 

I got tied up last night!!!

Last night I got tied up!  It was a reward for a gift that I recently gave her.  The last time Mistress had restrained me was on January 29th, when she strapped me face down to the bed to give me a quick caning before a business trip.  208 days (nearly 7 months) without being tied up and I sure did miss it.

Mistress had put our session on the calendar the day before.  I made sure to have my body fully shaved, a nice spray of the perfume she bought for me and I even wore panties, although I don't know if she noticed.

Mistress had me put on my restraints while she pulled implements of pain out of the night stand drawer.  Once I was secure to the bed and blind folded, she used some liquid coconut oil to stroke and tease my cock.  Mistress alternated between causing me pain and teasing me to the edge.  To cause pain she used rubber bands on my inner thighs (cheap and effective) and other instruments on my inner thighs and on my balls.

From last night's session

I went back and forth from extreme ecstasy and extreme pain.  The endorphins built up quickly and I was high off of them.  Mistress kept me on the edge very well and the frustration was maddening.  When I get high like that, I can't control myself from talking too much.  I begged Mistress to lock me in chastity afterward.  Not because I wanted to be locked up, but because I tend to cheat and masturbate after an orgasm or a ruined orgasm.  Mistress mentioned that my toenails would soon be painted 24/7.  That prompted me to ask for night-time feminization which she readily agreed to.  She also mentioned that I should be tanning in a g-sting before our upcoming vacation.

The back is much smaller and gives naughty tan lines

As Mistress kept torturing me, she made sure to mention that her coffee needs to be ready to go before we go to bed at night.  My desperate mind made me yell out "and the dishes too".

As we progressed I thanked her for being mean and implored her to increase her control over me.

Mistress said we had 2 minutes let to play and that instantly got me to the edge.  I'm pretty sure Mistress knew it but she stroked a few strokes longer than what I thought she would.  That did it.  I leaked an unknown amount (I was blindfolded) but I soon found cum covered fingers in my mouth feeding my cum to me.  I didn't even come close to an orgasm but Mistress was done with me.  She untied me and told me to get cleaned up and into chastity.  

At bed time I was torn on what to do.  I wanted to be told to put on my nighty, but I also wanted her to know how desperate I am to do anything she tells me to do so I put it on.  

I had a rough night of sleep.  I hadn't been overnight in chastity in 6 months.  My mind was racing with erotic thoughts.  I had a dream that Mistress hired a personal coach to help her push me even further.  I also dreamed that I was serving a ladies group in a cocktail outfit.  

This morning I woke up so very horny.  My inner thighs hurting.  Still in chastity.  I put on a bit too much perfume and went about my day.  My head is spinning due to the smell and the left over libido I have.  It's all I can do to keep from begging Mistress to torture me some more. 

   

Long Distance Desperation

I am currently out of town and away from my Mistress.  I am lying in my hotel bed in my pink nighty locked in chastity.  It's my first trip out of town locked in chastity.  In the past, I would have already cum a few times and would have already cum this morning.  Instead, I am one day short of my all-time orgasm denial record of 72 days.  The best part of this trip is that it proves to me that there is no reason I cannot be locked in chastity for the rest of my life.  Having Mistress control not only my orgasms but any sexual pleasure at all. I am soooo horny and frustrated.  Being locked up on the road is harder than I imagined and it's a great mind-fuck.  I'm wishing I had brought a toy for my ass so I could at least get some stimulation on my prostate.  Instead I just lie here and fantasize about Mistress treating me badly.

Before I left on this trip, Mistress made sure to give me a caning.  It started rough as we didn't do any warm-up.  As my ass warmed up, I was able to take harder hits from the cane.  Mistress wanted to stop before I did, but I was able to get her to keep going for a bit.  It's very difficult to ask to be hurt when you are in the middle of it.  I'm looking forward to the time where I am yelling out and begging her to stop and she doesn't.  She keeps going until I use my safe-word, and then she keeps going for some time.  It's something we have to work up to as I have to be able to learn to take it and Mistress needs to be able to be OK with hurting me more than she ever has.  Having consistent positive experiences will make this possible.

Here is a picture of my ass just before Mistress untied me.

I thought for sure that I would have felt it when I was sitting in my seat on the plane a few hours later.  I also thought I would finally have some bruises that I could be proud of.  Unfortunately, neither of these things occurred.  I had no left over pain and no bruises or even marks for that matter.  Now I am starting to believe that we are going to have to have a long session with a warm up period and once I am warmed up Mistress can really go to town on my ass with multiple implements.  Once I am bruised well, it should be easier to keep me bruised with daily beatings.  I am very proud to wear bruises that Mistress gives me.

As I lie here in my nighty, with my painted toenails I keep fantasizing about Mistress pushing my feminization buttons harder.  I'm not sure how to explain it but I want to be a slutty, horny, little bitch.  I want to feel humiliated and embarrassed about the things I am willing to do.  I want to feel ashamed of how slutty I am while at the same time not caring because I am so horny.  I'm not sure of any of that makes sense.  

Time to head to work.  

If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

Fear

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Thursday night date night

Mistress and I had our date night on Thursday night.  While Mistress was getting ready, I prepared the bed.  I pulled out the straps we keep hidden under the mattress and placed some towels on the bed.  I pulled out the toys we use the most and put them on the dresser next to the bed.  Mistress let me out of chastity before I showered and so that I could clean myself well and stay clean until later.  I put on one squirt of my new perfume, and some fishnet suspender hose before getting dressed in my male clothes.

We went to a happy hour and had a few appetizers and cocktails.  On our way home Mistress told me what I was to do when we got home.  I was to light the candles we have in the room and put on some music.  Then I had to put restraints on my wrists and ankles and strip down so that I was only wearing the fishnet hose. I was to put 3 large rubber bands around each thigh, blindfold myself and then tie down my three limbs.

Once I was secured to the bed Mistress entered the room.  The started by going around the bed and tightening the 3 limbs that were already secured.  Then she went to my free arm, clicked a clip onto the restraint and tightened that limb down.  I was held down tightly and my cock was rising just from the bondage.  Mistress then left the room to change clothes or remove clothes, I don't know since I couldn't see.  The rest of what happened is kind of a blur so I don't necessarily remember the order of events.

Essentially Mistress alternated putting generous amounts of lube on my cock before stroking me to an edge.  She would hit my inner thighs with several implements from a rubber stick the width of my finger to a flexible metal rod that you snap against the skin.  It's so thin and light that it hurts like hell and leaves a heck of a mark.  Mistress would also use these implements on my balls.  Mistress put clothespins on my nipples for a good 15 minutes and when she took them off she rrubed the blood back into them causing a rush of pain.  By far the worse thing Mistress did was snap those rubber bands against my inner thighs.  It's crazy to think 20 cents of rubber bands are the implement I fear the most.

At one point I asked Mistress to please put a clothespin back on my nipple(s).  That set her off.  After that I got about 3 minutes of constant smacking with what I believe to be a riding crop.  She smacked my cock, balls and inner thighs non-stop while scolding me for being a pushy bottom.  She told me that my blog posts have been too pushy, and that she was not here to fill my wish list, and that I needed to focus less on things I want her to do to me.  After that, Mistress took a pair of panties that old cum stains in them.  She poured some water into them and shoved them into my mouth so she didn't have to hear about what I wanted any longer.  I could have easily pushed the panties out of my mouth, but after what I just endured I chose to leave them in.  

So Mistress did an amazing job of stroking my cock and right as I got to the edge and told her I was about to cum, she would snap a rubber band or hit me in the balls or smack me with something else.  It was back and forth, and I would go from amazing pleasure to excruciating pain.  I wanted the pain to stop, but the pleasure was so good that I more than willing to endure the pain to keep the teasing going.

After about 45 minutes, Mistress decided it was her turn, so she unclipped my limbs so I could fuck her.  She had me rinse out my mouth and come back to bed.  When I got back to the bed I tried to go down on her, but she refused me that pleasure.  I easily put my cock in Mistress but before I could give her an orgasm I had to stop so I wouldn't cum without permission.  Mistress' expert teasing session had me perilously close to cumming.  Mistress had me pull out so I could use my fingers to make her cum which she did quite easily once my finger rubbed across her G-spot.  As soon as she would cum she would have me put my cock inside her.

As we did this, we talked.  I told Mistress that I was surprised how much I am liking being dressed up around her.  I confessed that I was enjoying it much more than I thought I would.  I told her that for the first time in my life I could see myself doing this long term.  She told me that she really likes me dressed and that she is planning on pushing me much further.  She really likes how submissive I have become.  When I am dressed up, I am less snarky, I have less male ego and machismo.  I am more open to obeying.  I don't really remember all the details but what I walked away with was that now that we are down this path, there is no turning back.  I will continue to be more and more feminized.  I will be more and more controlled.  Chastity is likely to be full time.  Not because she doesn't trust me, but because of the control it gives her and takes away from me.

As we talked, Mistress continued to have me alternate between fucking her with my cock and making me cum with her fingers.  She asked me if I wanted to cum, and I assured her I didn't.  She told me that if I did, I would be locked up in chastity first thing in the morning.  I asked what if I didn't cum and she said, "same thing", so I was in a lose/lose situation.  Mistress did assure me that she liked me to orgasm enough so that I remember how good it feels.  I entered Mistress again and she talked about how she was going to cum all over my cock.  I asked for permission to cum and she gave it to me.  I quickly filled her with my cum while I gave her another orgasm.  I mumbled about how she just won, making me so desperate that I couldn't stop myself.  Even though I just came, my cock was still rock hard (thanks pharmaceutical industry!) so I continued to fuck Mistress.  I had no fear of prgasming again.  Mistress kept cumming and I kept pushing my cock inside of her.  After a few minutes I couldn't go anymore.  Mistress let me catch my breath before she told to do me what I hoped she wouldn't .  She told me to lick my cum out of her pussy.  As I put my face between her legs to eat my own cum, I felt so owned.  I would do anything to be treated this was.  My shame and disgust were quickly overcum by feelings of arousal and submissiveness.  After I gave Mistress one more orgasm, she said she was done with me.  I cleaned up the toys and the bedroom so we could finish our evening relaxing.

Yesterday I spent the day replaying Thursday nights events in my head.  While our scene was intense and exciting, it was the communication that I was most excited about.  The fact that Mistress isn't only indulging my feminization, but that she is going to push me deeper and deeper.  To think that something I used to do a few times a year in a sexual context will now be a near full time part of my life, scares and excites me.  Seeing Mistress become more and more confident about controlling me, hurting me and punishing me is a dream come true.  I have spent almost 30 years of my adult life chasing this need of being controlled.  I have had brushes with it in the past, but this is the most hopeful I have ever been.  I think we will succeed this time because I have gotten out of my own head.  I am devoted to Mistress and the process of her owning me.  I will do my best to not pull back when things get intense and I believe Mistress will push me forward if I do try to pull back.  Things are looking great.

Here is the aftermath of my beating.  The bright red lines are from the rubber bands and the bruising from the large rubber stick.  I love wearing the marks she gives me!!!

      

A bit of rambling

10 straight nights in a nighty
9 days since my last orgasm
7 days in chastity

Those three things have me in quite a state of mind.  Mistress is out of town and if I were not locked up, I believe I would have edged myself so many times one of those edges would have likely gone a bit too far and I would have spilled.  I am so careful about not going too far, that on those rare occasions when it does happen it's pretty much a ruined orgasm.

Every morning I have woken up in such a horny mood.  I wake myself up with naughty thoughts and desires.  The longer I go without orgasm, the more naughty they become.  I would be edging myself, but my new device keeps that from happening, but the lack of edging doesn't take away the desire.

Mistress said she was torn between having me locked up while she was gone, or making me cum into a pair of panties, to be used as a gag at a later time.  I absolutely loved it when she recently took a cum crusted pair of panties I had cum in over a year ago and used it as a gag.  Her wish to make me do that again has been playing in my mind over and over.  I came up with some variations of the idea.

• Mistress would order me to unlock myself, cum in a pair of panties and then immediately lock myself back up with the next numbered lock.  I would have to record it for proof I did as told.
• Mistress would have me put the panties in a ziplock and put it in the freezer for later use.  Instead of me sucking on dry cum, I would be sucking on gooey thawed cum.

In addition to this, I have been thinking about the marks I still have on my inner thighs from over a week ago.  I love wearing marks on my body that Mistress has given me.  I love being vulnerable and helpless so she can hurt me.  I fantasize about her hurting me more than she ever has.  I fantasize about being pushed past my limits and Mistress getting more turned on the more she hurts me.

Lastly, my nighties have me thinking about wearing soft, sexy, feminine clothes.  The erotic humiliation of wearing feminine items for Mistress is intoxicating.

I just had to ramble a bit on how I am feeling this morning. I miss my Mistress and when she's gone my mind goes into submissive overdrive for some reason.  I am a hot little mess today.    
 

Lucky Slave

Last night Mistress and I had date night.  After an appetizer and some drinks we rushed home for some naughtiness.  I got our room ready.  I pulled off the blankets, pulled the under bed straps out from under the mattress, put on a femdom porn video,  and put on my restraints and a blindfold.  Mistress tied me down and put a pair of panties over my head.  I am pretty sure they were a pair that I had  my dried cum in them, but can't be 100% sure.  Mistress alternated from stoking my cock and hurting me.  She seemed to be a little meaner, which I really enjoyed.  Mistress also bit me a few times, which I usually don't like, but I really liked it last night.

Mistress would comment on the video that I couldn't see which I found to be pretty hot as well. Mistress edged me many times and with my buzz, I am lucky she didn't ask me to speak.  I likely would have begged her to do many things to me I would later regret.  With a couple of my recent blog posts I could have been in a nasty situation.  As it was, I tried to pull the nasty panties in my mouth to suck on and show Mistress what a little slut I could be.  I really, really wanted her dirty panties from the day to be over my nose and mouth.  That would have pushed me over the edge!

Mistress toyed with not letting me cum, which would have made me mad and frustrated, but ultimately would have made me an even hornier and more desperate slut.  While last night's orgasm should have taken the edge off of my horniness it seems to have escalated it.  I woke up in my nighty (which I so did not want to wear) feeling all submissive and used.  I have some good marks on my skin.  One appears to be form a hitting implement as well as a couple marks that I am guessnig are bite marks.  I love being marked up by my Mistress.  I am so very lucky to have such a Mistress.

Here is something I read this morning that is so very true.

Why edging is the perfect compliment to denial.

You see, when existing in pure denial, it is sometimes easy to slip into that non-sexualized situation where cumming doesn’t seem important. Without reminders, it is possible to exist like that for days, or even weeks.

But with a simple command to edge (or to have someone edge you), your body is reminded about just how good it would feel to cum, and therefore the realization that you are not allowed to is so enhanced.

Even more so with multiple edges. After each one, the cock craves to be touched again, but as the hand is wrapped round that throbbing, rock hard penis, there is that sinking feeling that the end result will be even more frustration.

A recap of last night's scene

Mistress and I have had a TON going on lately.  Not only has our time to be intimate been reduced, we've had a lot of work to do and stress has been higher than normal.  With increased stress I have been a little bit snippy lately.  I have had a bad tone to my voice and for lack of a better term, I have talked down to Mistress.  I hate it when I get this way.  It's one reason my marriage failed so I know I have some work to do.  I catch myself getting frustrated and have a lot self-talk about how it's not anything she is doing, but it's about how I react.  Mistress took the high road and gave me a session last night to try and deal with my attitude.  Here is my recollection.

During the last day or so Mistress had been hinting that I'd better watch myself or she was going to do something about my attitude.  Her talk escalated into talking about a sever edging session with a good beating.  Part intrigued me and part scared me especially with all of my talk about wanting her to hurt me beyond what I want.  When we got home early from a party she had me get the bed ready as well as myself.  We use some very simple straps that go under the bed, but they hold me as strong as any 4 poster bed would.  I put on my pink wrist and ankle restraints, put some towels down and put some femdom porn on the bedroom TV.  Mistress had me blindfold myself  and slide some big rubber bands around my upper thighs while she went around the bed securing my limbs to the 4 corners of the bed.  I was spread out and couldn't move.  Mistress teased my cock some and talked to me about my attitude.

Now here is where my story may jump around and get fuzzy.  I had a slight buzz going on from alcohol at the party and a few drinks of wine I had when we got some.  Being tied up always makes my mind a little mushy and the endorphins I had running through me made me lose a sense of time.

As Mistress proceeded to talk to me about my attitude, she would alternate between snapping the rubber bands around my upper thighs and stroking my cock.  I know I am wrong and had no qualms about admitting it.  She mentioned that to help me remember our talk I would be going back into chastity for a week on Monday morning.  As much as I don't want that to happen, I also think it will be good for us.  It will remind me that Mistress has full control over me and she can do what she wants.  I also hope that by me willfully and enthusiastically accepting it, it will empower her to be crueler to me.

Mistress put something in my mouth.  It was her wet fingers.  It was heavenly.  I so wanted her to keep feeding me her pussy juices.  I longed for her to put her dirty panties under my nose.  I wanted that so much I played a video with a Mistress doing just that.

 

Mistress also put her strapon in my ass.  She didn't wear it, but she got it in my ass (I am guessing about half way).  It has been a few months since I had something in my ass.  As much as I hate to admit it, it was heavenly.  While I occasionally wear a butt plug this was much better.  Being close to her, having her cock in my ass while stroking my cock was a perfect cocktail of lust.  I wanted her to rape my ass at that point, but didn't tell her so.  She edged me close enough that the dildo was able to milk some cum out of my cock.  I imagined her fucking my ass to get me to use my safe word.  Maybe we will have to get the fucking machine out of storage to make that happen some day.

Still during all of this Mistress would snap the rubber bands or hit me with some other device.  I kept begging her to hurt me until I used my safe word.  She kept bringing me to the edge over and over again, expertly not letting me get too close.  It was like she had gotten much better at edging me.

At one point during the scene, Mistress used a device on my balls to try and get me to safe word.  She expertly hit one testicle.  The sensation was of a smack to the scrotum which hurt, but went away, but then also a deep throbbing pain in my testicle.  Out of everything she had done to me, this was the most likely to get me to safe word, but I was resolute that she would have to do it to me 10 or more times to get me to crack.  After she hit my ball she stroked my cock.  The sensation was something very unique.  While my ball hurt in a bad way, the stroking felt amazing, but at the same time agonizing.  As I got closer to the edge, my testicle would hurt more.  It was a perfect mind fuck as I wanted her to keep stroking but the pain in my ball made me want her to stop.

Mistress kept up her teasing.  She used the Hitachi under my balls and stocked my cock.  She would bring me to the edge so quickly and so strongly that I thought I would cum.  Mistress would remove her hand but press the Hitachi under my perineum which would just keep me on the edge.  She would touch my cock, but I don't know how she was doing it as the buzzing from the Hitachi overrode how I could feel things.

Mistress stopped this for a bit and hit my other testicle.  This one hurt just like the first, but it also brought back the pain from the first hit.  As she stroked my cock , both of my balls throbbed with pain as my cock enjoyed the stroking.  This was a good mind fuck.

Mistress went back to using the Hitachi on me and stroking my cock to keep me on the edge.  I am not kidding when I write this.  This was the best edging experience of my life.  Instead of going up to the edge and back, she just kept me right at the top of the sensation.  As great as it was it was also terrible.  I was straining every muscle to try and cum.  My body wanted to cum badly, but my submissive brain didn't want me to.  My biological need to cum was battling my submissive brain.  I was straining, begging her to both let me cum and also to not let me cum.  I wanted her to hurt me worse.  I wanted to beg her to stop.  I was afraid I was going to safe word from this sensation and not physical pain.  I wanted this heaven & hell sensation to last forever.

In the end Mistress coaxed the beginning of an orgasm from me.  She stopped before I got the full effect, so in effect it was partially ruined.  It was enough that I got some sub drop and used my safe word before anything else could happen.

Looking back to last night I have some takeaways.

• Again, best edging experience of my life.  It kind of scares me how intense it felt.  I would liken it to the forced multiple orgasms you see girls get in porn, as I had intense pleasure almost bordering on pain and it wouldn't stop.  I could see myself getting literally exhausted if it had kept going.
• I am in pain, not from the beating but from straining my muscles during the tease.  Especially my back muscles and my hip flexors. It was a great workout.
• While the rubber bands and beating hurt, I likely could have taken twice or three times as much.  I really do want to be hurt until I'm mad and in tears and until I safe word.    
• The ball hitting.  This is the part that intrigues me the most.  As much as I hate that feeling of having my testicles hurt, the sensation was undeniable.  Adding stroking to it and it was a perfect heaven and hell torture.  I'm reminded of when I first met Mistress and we were in a hotel for a Halloween event.  She tied me to the bed, gagged me and beat the hell out of my balls.  I get hard just thinking about it.
• I wish Mistress would have had an orgasm or 10, as the whole thing was pretty much about me.  I was hoping she would have taken multiple orgasms for herself while I sat suffering in pain.
• I am very, very happy to see Mistress take control of me and put me in my place.  I don't do well trying to be the bossy one or getting defensive.  Last night was a good "reset" for me.  I crave living in a Female Led Relationship with a good dose of Female Domination.
• We have another couple stressful months so I'd better behave before I end up beaten, bruised and in chastity, or worse, no D/s...       

I love my Mistress!        

Vacation Sex

Mistress and I went on a recent trip and we had a great time.  We had more sex in a week than we have in the last 2-3 months.  It was awesome.  Here are some takeaways from our trip.

• Porn.  Our hotel was an adults only hotel and they had one channel of free porn that was available all the time.  It was a little more hard core than I would have expected. There was some mild D/s themed programs which also surprised me.  We had sex quite a few times with the porn playing in the background.  However the best was when  Mistress had me tied to the bed and blindfolded.  She had porn playing which I could hear and she would describe to me what was happening.  It was such a rush, I have now figured out how to get porn in our bedroom.  I imagine lots of Femdom playing on the TV when we play, but also some guy on guy porn or transsexual porn when Mistress wants to fuck with me.

• Rubber bands.  I brought some rubber bands on the trip which I put on myself prior to Mistress tying me to the bed.  I was somewhat drunk the night of the rubber bands so I think the pain may have been a little numbed. While I remember it was painful I really, really liked the marks it left.  I liked how Mistress could cause so much pain and she didn't even need to pick up an instrument to hurt me.  I am turned on about thinking about experimenting more with rubber bands, especially with winter coming and bruises being easier to hide.  I think about Mistress "writing" words on my body with bruises from rubber bands as well as bruising my cock and balls with rubber bands.

• Feminine wear.  A few nights I had to wear a nighty and I wore panties one or 2 times.  It's such a catch-22 for me.  I love Mistress to make me wear feminine items, but when I have choices my ego gets in the way and I revert back to my male ego.  This was especially true this trip since I had so many orgasms, wearing a nighty was about the last thing I wanted to do.  So not wearing one to bed felt like a minor victory, but when I would wake up in the morning I would miss the erotic humiliation of waking up in a nighty.  Wearing a nighty especially when I don't want to is a great show of her power over me.  It's such a conundrum for me, my male ego fighting with my kinky side.  But ultimately, Mistress forcing femininity on me goes straight to the deepest part of my brain.  Being told what to wear very fulfilling.

• Cum Eating.  One night I talked Mistress into a deal.  If I came inside of her and didn't immediately lick it out of her that she would force me into chastity for an entire month.  Just the thought of either item got me close to the edge.  Mistress verbalizing me locked up and teasing the fuck out of me got me to the edge instantly.  Mistress didn't think I would do it, but as soon as I came I went down on her.  We didn't get much of a chance to see how far I would go or how good of a job I would do since room service showed up about 5 seconds after I put my head between her legs.  Saved by the bell!    

• Pee.  One might Mistress peed in a place that a few people could have seen.  I certainly saw it but I don't know if anyone else did.  I was shocked as this wasn't like her.  Being my my drunk and horny state my submissive mind took off.  I took her straight back to the room to have sex and to see what happened.  While were having sex I told Mistress that when I was feeling particularly nasty I fantasized about piss being part of my fantasies.  She said that she would tie me up in our shower and piss on me.  As I write this the thought of it grosses me out but at the same time it's making my cock very, very hard.  The humiliation and the loss of control overrides the "ick factor".  I have had some thoughts on how to incorporate piss in our play.

All in all we had a very sexual week.  We traveled with some friends we couldn't have me running around with bruises or risk one of them seeing panties sticking out of my pants, but hopefully on some future trip I will be Mistress' chastity wearing panty slave.  I love our life.  

P.S.  I edged and had some pre-cum leak out.  I licked it up as required. 

Hangover / Happy Place

Mistress and I recently went on a trip that involved lots of late nights and heavy drinking.  For that reason I found myself with a hangover 6 mornings in a row.  When I am hungover, I don't want to think about it and want to calm myself with happy thoughts.  The weird part about me is my happy thoughts would probably disturb most other people.  Each morning I would wake up around 7 or 8 o'clock and force myself to go back to sleep.  While forcing myself to go back to sleep, my mind would start racing to keep my mind off my hangover.  The more I thought about things, the more kinky my thoughts became.

Here are many of the things I thought about, not all are included in this list.

Mistress tying me face down and spanking me with a cane until I used a safe-word.  My goal would be to get her to quit before me.  I'd dreamt about my ass being bruised and feeling it every time I sat down for a few days.

I got super hard thinking of Mistress making me suck a dildo until I used safe-word.  I thought about her either using a strap-on or just using her hand, but I would be restrained and she would force the cock in my throat until I gagged.  I thought of getting all sweaty, having tears running down my face and drool dripping out of my mouth and even my nose.  I thought feeling like I was going to get sick.  Feeling my jaw get exhausted.  Knowing I would have a sore throat the next day.  I tried finding a good picture, but all the good ones were of women with a dildo or real cocks.  They had tears running down their faces.  Their makeup was a mess and they had a total look of surrender on their faces.  I fantasized about feeling like that.  Here is the best male sub pic I could find.

I thought about a long painful tease and denial session.  One that would have Mistress having orgasm after orgasm while I got none.  She would get me to "confess" more and more things I would do just to have an orgasm.  Then I imagine it ending one of a few ways.  Mistress making me cum inside her and making me eat it out of her.  Mistress rolling a condom on my cock and either using the hitachi on me or fucking me with the condom on.  Then she would unroll the condom and make me eat all of my cum.  

I fantasized about Mistress picking out more of my clothes on a whim.  For example, one day she might say "let me see your underwear".  Then she would make me go change them.  Or she might make me wear something the back yard that borders on feminine.  Of course there is always nightwear as well.

I also fantasized about Sophia getting a professional makeup/boudoir session.  Based on some of the transformation jobs I have seen I can only imagine how Sophia would look.  Of course, the humiliation of having someone else see me this way would only add to the excitement.  

That's kind of it in a nutshell.  I certainly had many other naughty thoughts over 5 mornings of being hung over.  These are the ones that stick in my mind.  

Today's Edge - 3 Fantasies

Today Mistress ordered me into a camisole, tight leggings at work as well as a butt plug.  Additionally I was ordered to edge for 30 minutes.  It's been some time since I have edged, and normally I would do it before getting ready for work.  Due to today's schedule I edged while wearing the ordered items as well as a butt plug that sits right on my prostate.

I edged to several thoughts.

The first was having a cathartic tease session.  The first would be a nasty messy edging session.  Mistress would have me tied down tightly and would be bringing me to the edge time and again.  Lube would be liberal, and she would also be making a bigger mess by cumming all over me.  She might gag with dirty cum filled panties, a dildo gag or nothing.  The goal would be to keep me frustrated and as horny as possible.  I actually fantasized about not any orgasm, but multiple leaks from my cock and then being ordered to clean up and get dressed.

The 2nd would be a cathartic discipline session.  Not because I need to be punished, but I'm yearning to release a ton of endorphins as well as feel helpless.  I imagine a small warm up and then a slow severe beating. In my fantasy Mistress wouldn't stop before I safeworded.  Using a safeword would not mean the beating would end, it would just mean that I need it to go at least that far.  She would beat my body.  She would beat my cock and balls.  She would torture my nipples with clamps, sharp items, and make them an angry red color.  She would slap my face or rape my mouth with a dildo.  My breathing would be restricted.  In my fantasy, I want to surrender completely.  It might even be fun to record it or do it live online.  I may or may not get any relief from Mistress.

Lastly, I imagined a total forced feminization session.  Mistress would take the role of a man or a dominant lesbian and I would be dressed as my alter ego Sophia.  I would be locked in chastity to make my cock be a non factor.  I would be forced to suck Mistress' cock, to impale myself on her cock, and to take her cock inside me.  The only thing sexual I would get would be my lipstick covered mouth or my sissy pussy.  Mistress would have me lick and suck her pussy, fuck her with her glass dildo or for an extra mind fuck I would have to fuck her while wearing a strap-on.  I would be fucking her while my locked cock and balls swing uselessly between my legs.  In this fantasy I would not have an orgasm unless it was from penetration and I would have to stay in femme clothes until told otherwise.

Since I was edging with my prostate massager in, I was very quick to edge.  I would stop, and as my cock spasmed, the plug would spasm against my prostate, and I would dribble a little.  It reminded me of a few times when I would edge, and then I would fuck myself with the plug while cum would dribble out of my cock.  It's a pretty efficient way of draining the balls with nothing even close to an orgasm.  

Today's Unplanned Edge

It's been awhile since I have edged.  I had no intention of edging, but I saw a few updated posts from a blog I have mentioned before.  I hadn't planned on edging, but the first few paragraphs had me hard as could be.  Within a few strokes I had a bit of pre-cum bubbling out of my cock and I wasn't even close to the edge.     The story wasn't too long and I hate the drawings, but I was quickly to the edge.  I only ready one post and am saving the others for another day.  This story was hot, and would push me up against my mental limits so quick it would make my head spin.  Here is the link.

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2014/01/david-got-fucked.html?zx=c8d7e83e51b67ce1

Severe

As I become more comfortable in accepting my submission and letting go of control, I can't help but think of the more severe aspects of D/s.  Some of the pictures I have seen online recently have really grabbed my attention.  Some of the pictures below scare the shit out of me, but at the same time I wish I was in them.  This is what I edged to this morning.

This 1st video is over 40 minutes long.  It is the type of caning I want to try sometime.  It's long, it looks insanely painful at times, but she really works with him to get him through it.  I would LOVE to be as bruised as he is at the end.  I can only imagine how wet my Mistress would get.  I edited it from the original 40+ minutes to something shorter to give an idea.

Original video here http://femdom-fetish-tube.com/video/3669/catarina.html

Edited version below.

Here are some other severe things I know I would hate at the time, but would reminisce about later.  I arranged the pictures below form most scariest to least scariest.

He is begging her not to shock his nipple with a stun gun.

Holy fuck that would hurt

Probably not as bad as the whippings below, but electricity scares the fuck out of me

Double shock, in chastity

Ow, ow, ow, ow

Disorienting

Pretty damn painful with little bits of skin

 Nice Marks.  

That's gotta suck.  

I don't know how to explain how this turns me on but it does.  

Stockings and Spankings

Yesterday Mistress had me wear stockings under my work clothes.  Initially I was planning on wearing pantyhose as they are easier to deal with, but then I realized she specified stockings.  If I have learned anything over the last 3 years is to do more, not less when she asks me to do something like this.  My first instinct was to go for black ones that fit great, but then the submissive sluttiness that my brain is currently producing had other things in mind.  I chose a pair of white and pink panties that have built in garters.  To that I added pink stockings to attach to the garters.  As much as garters and stockings can be a pain, there is no mistaking their ability to keep reminding you of their existence.  Pantyhose can be ignored somewhat, but I was constantly reminded of the tightness of these particular stockings.  I was reminded that they stopped at mid thigh.  I was reminded of the garters not only with every step I took, but also every time I sat down.  I could see the straps pushing through my pants.  In short there was no escaping the mind fuck of wearing them  I was proud to take a picture for MBB as requested and humiliated at the same time.  I loved it.

I was planning on edging to something based on the above post, but before I could I stumbled across this post in my blog list.  I edged a good 30+ times reading it as it was so hot (and a little scary)

View on her blog or see below.  http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2013/09/sex-with-my-husband.html?zx=f3a59ca12de15b40

Sex with my husband

Yesterday night, watching X-Factor on TV at night with my husband. After the show... SEX. Not fantasy or fiction this time. The real thing. This is what sex is like between me and my husband (sometimes... and embellished with some things I wish I would have said). You will get a good general idea, however. It isn't exactly what you might call Vanilla...

Me: Go upstairs and get into your panties, I want to fuck you tonight.
Him: [says nothing... gets a gleam in his eye... does as he is told]

I give him a few minutes and then walk slowly upstairs. david is naked except for a pair of sheer pink panties. He has chosen the panties from a drawerfull we keep for him for this purpose. He has chosen to put his nose in the corner and wait for me like that. I can totally see his ass and ass crack through his sheer panties. I get an immediate, visceral urge to beat that ass.

Me: Lie on the bed, ass high across the pillows, you're getting a beating, bitch.
Him: [says nothing... does as he is told... him cornering himself meant he wanted a beating tonight before his fucking]

We have four pillows on the bed, he piled two of them on the left side of the bed, in the middle, and lay across them submissively, pantied ass nice and high. He is presented like an offering. He has asked for this beating, so he will receive it on the spot where nature intended slutty submissive husbands to catch their beatings: ass and thighs.

I feel excited watching him do this for me. I can feel my own panties dampening. I open the bedside drawer and pull out my strap. He groans in a sexy way, knowing what is coming.

Me: You're getting a beating now. You want to know why? Because you're a man who wants to be dressed in panties and fucked like a woman. So you want to act like a submissive little cunt? I'll beat you like a submissive little cunt. Simple math, baby. [He likes when I talk dirty to him... he tells me any bad words one might think of applying to a woman can be safely applied to him!]

I whip the strap down hard low across his pantied ass cheeks, right at the panty line. He groans. I do it four more times just like that. His wiggles and moans turn me on even more.

I reach over and lower his panties to just below his cheeks. No reason this bitch will get to keep her panties up for her beating. Part of her humiliation will be to display her anus during her spanking. I am rewarded with a bird's eye view of my husband's now bare and totally exposed asshole. He's getting a fucking in there later and he knows it. No reason I shouldn't see it now.

I give him five more. I target two of them to wrap around between his ass cheeks, near his sensitive little puckered hole.

I put away the strap. His ass is nicely red and marked in places. I reach under my bed to get the riding crop.

Me: Reach behind you and pull those cheeks apart for me.
Him: [says nothing... does as he is told]

Me: Pull them apart harder. Really reach in there. Pull harder. I mean it.
Him: yes ma'am [as he struggles to obey me]

His little boy hole is gaping open now. I take my crop, crouch down a little to get the right angle, and whip the tip down onto his hole. He half moans half ouches. I repeat this over and over again. I am fascinated by the clenching and unclenching and puckering of his hole as I whip it.

As I whip, he loses the grasp of his cheeks, but immediately scrambles to reaffirm it. I love watching him in pain from the whipping, but still submissively pulling his cheeks wide apart for me over and over again in order to submit to my painful stroking. Paradoxically, the worse the whipping, the wider he pulls. Seeing him pulling himself wide for me, waiting for the next whipping stroke, I'm thinking I want to fuck that ass.

I put the crop down.

Me: Are you going to let me fuck you in the ass?
Him: yes ma'am
Me: I'm using Adam, you know that don't you? [Adam is my biggest dildo - realistic looking - large]
Him: yes ma'am.
Me: Are you going to be my little ass bitch, tonight, huh?
Him: oh yes ma'am
Me: Are you going to take it like a woman for me?
Him: yes ma'am
Me: I'm 'gonna flip you over, raise you legs nice and high, and take you missionary style. Will that make you feel like a proper woman, baby?
Him: yes ma'am
Me: Is your ass beaten enough?
Him: yes ma'am
Me: I don't think so. Not yet anyways. Put your hands in front of you and hang on.

david releases his deathgrip on his ass cheeks and puts his hands in front of him. He clutches the covers, knowing what is coming. Knowing that quite a lot may still be coming.

I open the drawer and take out the little souvenir hardwood paddle. I put my left knee up on the bed. I put my left hand down on the small of his back. With my right I pull his lowered panties right down to his knees. Then I start paddling his ass. I count out two hundred strokes to myself in my head. Each one hard and stinging. I get to watch his ass redden to a deep crimson as his knuckles whiten grabbing the bed covers for dear life. About half way through his paddling I get what I want.

Him: No please! No! No more! Please! It hurts!

This is the part where I start to really get excited. I love his begging. I love his begging when I can see the damage I'm doing to his ass! I can feel the sweat on his lower back. I can smell it. I can watch his legs convulse, especially as I paddle the backs of his thighs. Targeting the insides of his thighs when his legs inadvertently spread which makes him clutch them together again. The next time they part, which they do, he gets a harsher lesson. A light paddle stroke to the undersides of his genitals. A gurgling scream and he shuts his legs tightly together. They do not come apart again. Ha Ha! I finish off the padlding to his ass. Hard and fast. His reactions are genuine. My man cries little tears.

I leave him there, in his little puddle of tears. I strip down to just my panties. They are kind of wet. I pull on the strap-on harness over them. I have a big dick now!

Me: Lie on your back, one pillow under your hips.
Him: [says nothing... does as he is told]

I pick up his legs by his ankles and hold them high. I pull the panties up to around his ankles. I stretch them and loop them around his ankles. His ass is really, really red. Dark cherry red.

Me: Hold your legs up like that.
Him: [he holds them up high... like a little slut should]

I walk towards his head, I make him turn and face me. I spread my legs and crouch down so that my cock is at his mouth level. I push towards him, he moves his face to the very edge of the bed and takes me into his mouth. I grab his head and face fuck my little whore. I love the sounds his mouth makes as I face fuck him. Little gurgling sounds, mixed in with the occasional gagging sound when I "accidentally" go too deep.

He tries to steer me into his cheek. I know his little tricks. I grab him by the throat and squeeze. "OPEN" I tell him. He gets Adam down his throat for his troubles. I make him gag no fewer than five times for his impertinence, until I am satisfied he has learned his lesson. This bitch will learn to deep throat me. By the time I pull out there are more tears in his eyes and he is slobbering like crazy.

Sometime during that intense face fucking he apparently got the idea it was ok to disobey me and drop his feet back down to the bed.

Me: Did I say you could drop your feet?
Him: [he quickly raises his legs again]
Me: Oh no! You need a lesson. [I say as I pick up my paddle again]
Him: No! Please! No More! Please!!!

But there is more. I push down on the backs of his thighs, practically doubling him over. His genitals, his asshole, his deep red ass, and his light red thighs are presented to me in a perfect attitude for a childish diaper position punishment.

I paddle him again. He's lucky he's not getting the strap, but I am feeling generous. I know it hurts him a hell of a lot more when his skin is stretched and tight over his ass and thighs, as it is in this position. But he does still have to learn to not lower his legs during his face fucking. I make sure he learns that lesson. I make sure he learns to obey.

I especially enjoy targeting the relatively virgin insides of his ass crack when he is in this position. I am especially excited spanking him while wearing Adam. It's a big glorious erect cock sticking out in front of me! I make sure to brush his flanks with it as I spank. His own cock is shrivelled pathetically. No competition for Adam at all (nor even at the "best of times" for that matter).

Me: Now hold that fucking pose, you little cunt! If you drop your legs again I'll belt whip your ass in that position until you can't cry anymore! [I grab his cock and balls and roughly pull them out between his legs, so they are sticking out behind him]. And that whipping will be balls out, do you understand me?
Him: Yes Ma'am!

I have great aim, but a balls out whipping terrifies the fuck out of him. I move progressively closer until he can feel the wind whipping at his balls. Haven't missed yet and don't plan to. He still gets scared for some reason, though.

I get the lube. I lube up Adam. Then I lube up his asshole. He is holding his legs nice and high for me! I dribble lube onto his genitals, and I rub some into them as well.

Then I hop up on the bed kneeling in front of him. I slide forward until the tip of my Adam touches his asshole. Then I start gently pushing in. I need to change the angle a couple of times, but then I have it right, and I start slowly exerting the appropriate pressure. david "ows" and complains, but slowly, slowly he starts opening up for me, like a flower, as I keep the pressure on. He knows it goes easier for him if he presses out, as if performing a bowel movement. I can see him straining to do that from the look on his face. Magically he opens up and I pop in. "Ow ow ow Ow" he says, but I hold my ground patiently until the cramping dies down. Then I slowly start fucking my little bitch.

I pull his hips into me as I rock back and forth, fucking his ass. His legs are high with his panties wrapped around his ankles. That is his view: his raised legs and his panties banded around his ankles. He also sees me: my face, my bare breasts, my flat tummy, as I fuck him, slowly and deliberately.

As the fucking proceeds I grab his lubed up cock and balls and rub them gently. I rub my cock in and out of him, scraping by his prostate gently, gently, as I rub up and down the length of his now rigidly erect cock. He moans. What a little slut I have on my hands! Tramp! Whore!

Me: Are you going to squirt for me, baby? Squirt as I rub your clitty and fuck your ass, huh baby?
Him: yeah! oh yeah!
Me: You know that after you squirt I'm going to scoop it up and put it in your mouth and make you swallow every last drop, don't you?
Him: yes
Me: Will you like that? Will you like being a little cum bucket for me?
Him: YES, PLEASE!

I fuck gently and rub his cock hard and I get a nice big juicy squirting for my trouble. I aim his cock towards his face. The first bit gets to his chin, the next ones dribble on his chest and tummy.

I pull out slowly, wrapping Adam in paper towels I had handy and taking my harness off carefully.

Me: Keep holding you legs up, baby, you're a bit messy back there.

That always embarrasses him, knowing that! I have some baby wipes in the dresser drawer, bought specifically for this purpose. I clean him like a baby and wrap the soiled wipes into the paper towels.

When he is clean, I move up to his chest and I use my hands to scoop up the cum and push it into his eager mouth. He licks and sucks my fingers dry, and swallows it all down. I tell him to clean my Adam thoroughly and to take a shower. He is to be quick about, he has pussy and ass licking duties waiting for him immediately upon his return!

Stuff

Last Tuesday night Mistress tied me down and beat the insides of my thighs.  Between the alcohol, endorphins and lust I had, she stopped before I safeworded.  I was sad at the lack of marks I had.  A week later I still have thin red lines from one implement as well as overall yellowing of the skin from the very light bruising I had.  I can't wait to repeat that.

Mistress is making me go out to see my customers today with a camisole on under my shirt.  I am a little nervous, but figure if I wear a looser shirt It won't be a big deal.  It took me awhile to find the camisole.  I have all of my feminine clothes in the basement.  I thought they were in a suitcase, but they were hanging.  While looking I was going through skirts, stockings, corsets, girl jeans, tights, etc.  That got me to thinking about wearing them.  That got me to thinking about what to edge to today.  I have read with some interest in the past about Mistresses that use a treadmill to make their slaves "walk a mile in their shoes".  Sometimes to punish their slaves for walking too fast when they are out, or to just get them walking more feminine.  Usually their cock is tied up to the front of the treadmill so the slave has to keep pace.  His hands are tied behind him, and the Mistress turns on the treadmill.  Speed isn't the goal, but distance is.

That in turn made me think about Mistress using the high heel locks on me while I am working from home.  I would be forced to wear heels from 6:30AM to 6ish PM.  I also edged to thinking about being locked in the stocks in the basement while wearing heels.  The combo of being bent over and also being on heels would be torture.

Edging while wearing the butt plug I was told to wear gets me so close to the edge so fast.  I did leak some,  but it wasn't so much me getting to close to the edge.  It;s the blug milking cum out as my kegel flexes against the plug and therefore my prostate gland.

  

Desires...

Some desires I have been thinking about but have not put in writing in some time.  I am doing this at the request of MBB.

My number one desire is to know what Mistress desires.  I always tell her my thoughts, but I really, really want to know what makes her hot.  I want to know what she thinks about when she gets herself off.  I want to know what she would make me do if she could.  Even if it does nothing from me, I want her to whisper her fantasies in my ear while we have hot sex.

My ass.  MBB asked me what I want done to my ass.  A good hard spanking would be one thing.  One to where I am begging her to stop.  Real begging.  We will have to work up to it to get her confidence level up.  She is worried about hurting me.  Ass fucking.  MBB telling me some afternoon to be clean and prepared for her.  It could be the fucking machine, her using a dildo, or her making me use a dildo on myself.  I also imagine her beating my ass while I have a shaved piece of ginger in my ass so my clenching makes it sting (http://tacit.livejournal.com/225189.html)

Chastity.  When I think of this I always imagine it being a pretty active scenario.  Lots of teasing, serving Mistress, pleasuring Mistress all with the idea that I won't be released or if I am released, locked back up without an orgasm.  I imagine lying in bed next to her, locked up and watching her pleasure herself (or being blindfolded while she does it).  Every night.
Unfortunately the chastity I fantasize about takes a lot of effort on Mistress' part.  Now on the flip side, I can still imagine chastity without all of that attention, but it would be much harder for me to take mentally and I can imagine some frustration and possibly acting out.

Cage.  We have a dog cage.  I desire to be locked up in it.  Not because I want to be in a cage, but because I want to know that MBB has the confidence to know she can lock me up and I will accept it.  I imagine after the first hour or 2 I would hate it, but knowing she "forced" me to do it, would be super hot.

Writing lines.  Either as punishment or as a way for me to end something (chastity) or to get something I want (scene time).  I'm not sure why this idea gets me hot, but I think it's because the task would take no effort on MBB's part, and it would be tedious and make me be focused.  I even found some online writing tools that track errors and add on lines for mistakes or delays.  http://writeforme.org/

Feminization.  Panties every day.  Other undergarments when MBB chooses.  Nighties.  I really like her telling me to do it versus me just doing it.  It feels more like an order versus me just doing it.  Making me do something Femme in public.  Humiliating me in a feminine way.  Verbally taunting me about feminine things.

Cum eating.  I don't want to taste my cum (I really don't), but certainly want to be forced.  Addressed in detail HERE .  Actually I can think of a few things I don't want in my mouth, but the idea of it being forced gets me hot.

Some sort of scene where I am safe wording due to pain, frustration, fear, humiliation etc.  I imagine myself almost in tears before she decides to stop what she is doing.  I am sure pushing me this hard scare her, but I think we could build up to it.  I really dream of not being in control of a situation.   Like the saying goes, it's not bondage until you want out.

Skin cutting or marker writing.

Predicament bondage.  Much like one I used on her when we first met.  She could even make me create it...

Those are the things that have been running through my mind most recently.  Thank you Mistress for making me put them in writing again.