I was recently looking to reminisce about the good old days of our female led relationship by looking back through this blog . I read through many of the posts over the last several years. I’m appalled by what I read. It’s terrible. This is not the blog of a submissive. This is a blog of a pushy bottom. A blog about how not to act. A blog of what not to do. A blog of me asking my Mistress to be a kink dispenser. I’m terribly disappointed in how I’ve handled myself over the last 13 years. Actually make that the last 26+ years. I was a more insecure and pushy bottom with my ex-wife. No wonder she left me.
I finally realize how bad I’ve been and I want to rectify this. Trying to continue down this same path is not the answer. I must force my submissive side to focus on serving my Mistress and stop focusing on my wants, needs and desires. After 26 years it’s crystal clear, that we can no longer accommodate what I want.
Just like a computer or cell phone that doesn’t work the way it should, I need a hard reboot. A very hard reboot. Here’s what I am asking Mistress to do make us whole again. This post is at her request. She asked me to write it, so that later when I'm questioning why she is being so controlling, she can remind me that this is all my idea. If you see anything that is me being a pushy bottom in this post, please call me out in the comments.
First and foremost. I am doing this willingly. I can stop it at any time but I recognize that if I do stop it, Mistress will no longer dominate me in any way, shape or form. I’m am going “all in” so that I can experience true submission and not my unrealistic fantasy world. If she is going to dominate me it has to be her way or not at all. This is not a game.
My goal is to serve Mistress in any way possible. To make her life easier and to free up time for her to do as she pleases. I want to protect her, respect her, obey her, and place her needs before mine. I will only make decisions that are delegated to me such as coming up with where to eat and what to do. My ideas may be vetoed and I must come up with backup plans.
Service: It is my duty and I’m excited to pamper her, provide foot massages, pedicures, sexual servitude, and any other “personal service” she allows me the privilege to provide. I will also support her personal health goals.
I respectfully request Mistress to be in full and complete control of me. I will fully relinquish my beliefs about what is good for me. Mistress knows what I deserve. I request her direction to be cruel, firm and unrelenting to make up for decades of my selfish behavior.
I respectfully request Mistress to come up with a set of rules that I promise to live by. I request Mistress to shift any and all the household chores to me. I request that my substantial free time be taken away so that I am not on my phone wasting valuable time that can be used serving Mistress and doing chores.
I would like Mistress to treat me as an unpaid, full time employee of Mistress Inc. I must follow the employee handbook, dress code, rules, code of ethics etc. Any and all ‘free time’ will be filled with activities that benefit Mistress or others, as she sees fit.
Regarding chores and tasks. I affirm that chores are not meant to be easy, or comfortable. If Mistress wants something done outside and it’s miserably hot, that should be of no concern. If Mistress chooses to make a chore harder, humiliating in some way, or makes me repeat it, I recognize that it’s meant to increase her dominance and my submission. Some tasks may simply be a test to see if I’ll cave when asked to do something especially challenging.
Failure to obey and/or failure to exceed expectations will be punished. I have no say in what the punishment is or what it looks like. I promise to accept punishment without complaint.
I wish for Mistress to control the following items if she chooses. My spending, the food I can have (type and quantity), alcohol consumption, weight loss program, exercise, clothing, orgasms, chastity, screen time, phone access/privacy, free time, sleep, privacy, speech, etc.
I do not want to be treated fairly. I know it doesn’t make sense to a non-submissive, but being treated cruelly and unfairly is like a powerful drug and I yearn to be addicted to this drug. My ultimate wish is for Mistress to become aroused by making me miserable and making me suffer. The more I suffer the more turned on she gets.
I also ask to not be forgiven for the last 13 years. How I treated Mistress as a tool for my kinks was disrespectful and does not warrant any forgiveness. I request Mistress remember how she felt all the times I made it about me as she plans our future.
Bondage, teasing, denial, spankings, toys, chastity, clothing, etc are highly arousing to me and can be easily used to manipulate and control me, however I recognize these items may do nothing for Mistress. For this reason, I have no expectation of having any of those kinks indulged. If Mistress chooses to not use any of the above items, I humbly request verbal taunting of my situation to keep me in sub-space.
I acknowledge that I will come to regret large parts of this new normal. Regret and despair are what I have earned and deserve for the many years my poor behavior. I fully accept this as being a necessary part of our dynamic as well as penance for the past. If I’m only doing what I want, I will fail again. I desire true unrelenting control to have internal submissive peace. Even more than that, I desire Mistress to have her ideal submissive husband. I’m going to do everything I can to make this happen.
