Dominant Thoughts

First off, I hurt my back yesterday.  Mistress decided to let me out of chastity because of it.  I was slightly disappointed, as I wanted to endure, but she likely made the right move.  Adding the difficulty of chastity to a sore back would likely delay my healing.  She did put me in a nighty so she did keep me as her slave that way.

The other night when we had some really hot sex, it started with me using my hands and fingers.  Below are pictures that have inspired me.  That in turn has given me dominant thoughts.  I have spent hours upon hours under Mistress' teasing hands and fingers.  Begging, pleading, spilling my guts all while she kept me on the edge.  I would like to return the favor some time and give her some mind blowing orgasms by delaying the release.  Here are some incredibly sexy images of what I would like to do to her.







































This last picture makes me imagine a long tease with no climax until she was a blubbering mess.



 

Getting worked up

So I have now slept in chastity and a nighty for the last 2 nights.  Mistress teased me a bit last night and threatened to tease me some more tonight, but without taking my device off.  Would that be uncomfortable? Yes.  Would it be as hot as hell?  Yes!

On top of that I cleaned up and rearranged our dungeon.  It's weird doing that as I forgot some of the things we have.  Seeing them all again gets some ideas going.

We have the black version of this.  It's strict and devious.  I imagine being in it and Mistress' pussy inches away from my nose and mouth while she brings herself to orgasm.



We have 2 sets of these.  One in black and the other in sissy pink.  They are designed to lock high heels on the wearer so they can't be removed.  No cheating with these.



I am shuch a shoe whore. I imagine Mistress doing this to me after a night we are out or after a long day of work.  Forced to smell her feet and falling deep into subspace.  There is something called "scent training" that is very powerful.

We also have a sensory deprivation hood very similar to below.  It has a soft, but substantial gag.  Coupled with some white noise through a pair of headphones and there is no telling where you are or for how long you've been there.  It's also nice because the padded blindfold and the gag can be removed to be used separately.

  

The next one scares the shit out of me.  It's the clothespin zipper.  I have even gone the next step and converted a rotisserie from an old grill to slowly automate the process of ripping them off.  I'm sure I will regret doing that sometime in the future.  I've even devised a way of being able to use the rotisserie alone but haven't got the guts to do it.

 

The other thing that scares the shit out of me.  Electric shocking.  Here you see 2 devices we own, and that I hate.  That being said, the fear they put into me makes me very, very agreeable.  It's one of the few things that will make meg beg as well as put the "fight or flight" response into me.

Breath play.  I ran into a plastic bag we use for breath play.  I also have a gas mask that the intake can be blocked.  I also ran into some swimmer's nose plugs which when combined with duct tape is very effective at breath control.  

I also ran into some plastic syringes that make me think of this.

Lastly, I wanted to comment on my chastity.  While I wish I weren't in it (as usual), I'm really, really enjoying everything that goes through my mind while I am locked up.  I like the idea of Mistress being mean to me.  I like the idea of her thinking of ways to push my buttons, frustrate me and even making me mad in a D/s context.  I fantasize about her thinking "how can I be meaner or how can I humiliate him today'?  I am so worked up right now.  

Additional Security

I have been experimenting with chastity for about 12 or 13 years.  I have gone through 2 or 3 plastic devices which I still have as well as one very expensive steel device.  In theory chastity should have 2 main components, comfort and security (some also use chastity to prevent erections).  I made the move from plastic to steel 5 and a half years ago to get more comfort and to increase security.  6 years ago I got a prince albert piercing.  The only reason I got it was because I wanted my chastity to be as secure as possible.  There are 2 main styles of chastity.  The one pictured below is supposedly secure and hard to cheat, but in my opinion not very practical for 24/7 wear over multiple days.

secure but not practical

My device is commonly referred to as a "ball trap" device.  While it's more practical, for most men there is a little less security due to the changes the male genitals go through.  To have a very secure device everything needs to be tight while soft, but when the man gets hard and everything enlarges this can become painful and possibly even dangerous.  In my case, my device is 90% secure.  If I really wanted to I could employ the technique of pulling back and out of the device.  I don't do that for a few reasons.  1st off is trust.  Why wear a device if I'm going to cheat.  2nd, it's still attached to my balls, so while my cock can be out, my balls are still locked up.  3rd, if I accidentally came with it on, I would so want to be out of it due to sub drop.

My device came with a prince albert "lock".  Ever since I got my device I have not worn the lock with the device as it would pinch terribly several times a day.  So while I have been locked, and I haven't cheated, in my mind I never felt truly locked.  With Mistress starting me on a path of increasing chastity, I wanted to make sure I was 100% secure.  The last 4 days I was in chastity I was able to insert the lock into my piercing and practice with the lock.  I didn't have access to the key,, but the lock is tight so I was able to figure out a way to make it secure without it pinching me.  Yesterday when I went into chastity I forgot about this additional lock.  While putting away clothes later in the day I ran into the place Mistress hid the key.  Since I am committed to being her chastity slave, and I want to feel 100% owned, I got the additional lock and locked it on.  I now sit here with my head feeling a little sub-space knowing I can only get out with permission or bolt cutters.

The U-shaped lock goes through my piercing to prevent pull out.  

Mistress keeps pushing.  I am required to wear my collar again and last night she made me put on a nighty.  With me being in chastity, I really didn't want to sleep in anything but my device.  Internally I fought it, but I did as I was told.  While I didn't want to wear it, every time I felt it and especially this morning I felt very owned and very content.  Being told to do something I don't want to do is initially a challenge and then a reward.  I say all of that to encourage Mistress to keep turning the screws on me.    I slept fairly well last night so either I am becoming accustomed to chastity or my libido isn't yet ramped up.  Either way I am in submissive heaven right now.

Today's inspiration

    

Locked Again

This morning I am locked in chastity again.  This time it's not a punishment.  Friday night Mistress and I had a discussion about D/s.  I mentioned how I actually enjoyed the mental aspect of chastity during my recent punishment.  I told her how I liked the confidence she had shown by taking control of me and my cock.  I implored her to push me harder and exert more control over me, so long as she was getting something out of it.  She replied she was going to "destroy" me on Saturday, but we ended up having hot sex after getting out of the hot tub Friday night and our Saturday was pretty booked.  She also told me that I was to go into chastity 1st thing Monday morning and she would plan an intense session for the end of the week.  Sunday morning we had an early morning session of sex and had company coming over so any play was off the table.  Even with recent orgasms, my mind was in overdrive both mornings this weekend.

This morning I was reluctant to put on the device.  I had two orgasms in the last 36 hours so my libido was down.  I didn't know if she remembered her chastity orders from Friday night due to us drinking a lot and sleepiness.  That being said I want to keep doing what we are doing, so I sucked it up and put myself into chastity.  I figured if she didn't mean it she would tell me so and if I had asked before going into chastity it would seem like I didn't want to submit.  I am learning that true submission is doing something that you don't want to do.  Now that I am locked up, my libido went from a 1 to a 5 and I am sure will be an 8 or 9 before the day is up.  I'm going to regret saying this, but chastity appears to be an aphrodisiac regardless of the comfort level.  Actually I am at an 8 now after looking for pics that show my mood today.  While I certainly can be chaste on my own, right now there I would absolutely love to wrap my hand around my cock and get close to the edge.  The mind fuck is reaching down there, my hand gets to feel something solid and my cock feels nothing.

Needless to say, I am very much looking forward to Mistress doing whatever she wants to me.  I am in a very pliable state of mind.  I love my Mistress.




 

Femme Thoughts

My mind is the victim of a perfect confluence of events.  13 days with no orgasm.  4+ days in chastity.  Weather getting cooler.  Mistress picking out my bedwear almost every night.  I am thinking a lot of femme thoughts.  I have noticed that the longer I am from my last orgasm the more my mind turns toward feminization.  Thoughts about lacy panties bras and garters. Dressing feminine under my clothes, being dressed at home, painted toenails and fingernails.  Perfume, high heels, toe rings, anklets.  Mistress rubbing up on my female attired body and treating me like a girl slave, hmmmm.  I also think about Mistress encouraging me to dress and be feminine when we are together, but also use it to humiliate me a little bit.  While I still fantasize about bondage, the femme side is taking the lead right now.

I had a dream the other night about Mistress taking me to a one of those boudoir places.  It was a short dream as I woke up in the middle, but I do remember being in a vintage panty, girdle, bra heels, makeup and a wig.  Mistress was looking at me from behind the female photographer.  I'm curious where that dream would have gone if I hadn't woken up.

Mistress had me paint my toenails in 2 different colors using the colors of our local football team.  While I had hoped to be wearing flip flops until October, it's sexy of her to have me do it now (a little bit of that meanness I have been asking for).  While it's something I want to hide, these 2 colors have some deniability if I were found out, so it's not quite the mindfuck as pink or red nail polish is.  I am still happy she made me do it. I love my Mistress!

Today's mood.



 

Forced Orgasms

Below is something I found online.  It's about women, but the same thing could be done to a man (without multiple orgasms)

Forced Orgasms. This game is best once you've gotten her to the point that the girl is no longer enjoying cuming. When her pussy is so sensitive that it has begun to hurt (men, imagine cuming and then someone continuing to work on the head of your cock without mercy).

She thinks she can’t possibly cum again. This is the point when she would take the vibrator off her clit, but of course she can’t. It’s bound tightly to her, and she can't squirm her way off it. It hurts. She begs. And then, it begins to feel good again. The orgasm builds and builds, and then she cums hard screaming. And immediately the pain returns. She begs. She pleads. She can't take anymore. She'll do anything. And then it once again begins to feel good through the pain, and the whole twisted process begins anew. But each time, the pain is a little greater and the orgasm a little.

Also, Mistress had me plugged for 2 hours today.  It was challenging since I hadn't done it in a few weeks, but I got it done.  I ran errands with it in and felt so slutty.  Thank you Mistress!

Venus 2000 and Hitachi

Hitachi and the squeeze method.

Humiliation

Yesterday Mistress had a nail appointment.  The night before she gave me a task.  She told me that while she was at the salon I was to dress in a cheerleader outfit I have and send her pics.  I really wasn't feeling the least bit sexy when I did it.  I felt humiliated and silly.  I still did it as I have no intention of failing at any of my assigned tasks.  Now it's a day later and I am a little worked up about her having those pictures on her phone.  While it's humiliating, it's hot.  To think she could show a friend or text me with a picture of me when I least expect it gets me hot and bothered.  I fantasize about Mistress telling me to put the cheerleader outfit on for certain football games or all day on Sunday.  I also fantasize about Mistress making me do things during her 3 hour nail appointments.  Chores, tasks, locked in a cage, more humiliations, etc.  So while I didn't want to dress as a cheerleader yesterday, the fact that I had to makes it very, very hot.  There are lots of things I think of Mistress making me do that I would not like at the time, but like this, it would become major fantasy material.  Thank you Mistress!

With sleeves and sleeveless

 

Post Orgasm Torture

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Surprise!

Yesterday Mistress surprised me a little.  She needed some alone time, so she hinted I should go out for happy hour without her.  This isn't unusual so I didn't think much about it.  I went upstairs to get ready and shortly after I got in the bath to shave my body I got a text from her that read "Before you leave, back into chastity you go...and bring me the key".  I got an instant hard-on.  Mistress hasn't been feeling well, and with me recently serving my chastity punishment I thought we would be done for at least a few days.  I was pleasantly surprised she was in the mood to control me.

I went out and couldn't get my mind of of my situation.  After a few beers I was pretty worked up.  Mistress allows me to check out other women, and will frequently point out women to me.  It's different checking out women while I am locked up vs when I am not.  I would never cheat on MBB so I am not sure why it seems to different.  

When I got home Mistress let me out.  I thought there was a 50/50 chance of me staying locked up, so when she offered me the key I took it.  I have a hunch I would have been locked up indefinitely had I come home too late.  It's almost like Cinderella's glass slipper :-)

Just as we were getting into bed Mistress had me put on a pink camisole with white boy shorts.  I told her I appreciated her being mean to me.  She told me "you just wait and see".  Another instant hard-on.  I also told her that this last week in chastity has taught me something.  Anyone reading this blog knows how much I hate chastity.  I have come to realize I don't hate chastity, I hate the role it played in my previous relationship and I carried that into this relationship.  My ex-wife would lock me up and frequently forget/ignore my situation.  I would be having this 24/7 sexual battle raging in my mind and she wouldn't be a participant.  Add not getting along and it was a mess.  When I met MBB and she used chastity on me, we weren't living together yet. I would act like my chastity with MBB was the same as I did with my ex-wife.  Now MBB and I have been living together for a few years.  We get along with or without D/s.  This week she took an small but active role in my chastity punishment, so I have realized chastity with MBB is much more enjoyable than I had ever experienced.  I may regret writing that...

Changing subjects.  I have told Mistress a few times how my kink can be somewhat controlling of me.  I have mentioned how fortunate I am to have met MBB before I met the wrong person when I was single.  The way I am wired I could be controlled and manipulated quite a bit with kink as the source.  Had I met an unethical woman I could have likely been in bad situations.  That being said, this same weakness of mine can be exploited for good.  Mistress has already used it is some ways (no dishes in the sink when she comes home, dry cleaning, her nail appointments, no unauthorized orgasms). I mention this to remind Mistress that she has more power over me than she realizes.  As she contemplates making sure her wants and needs are being fulfilled, I want her to know that she has much control over me as she wants.  I want her to know her control is something I crave.  I want her to have confidence that being meaner to me is not a bad thing, it's a good thing.  I don't want her to worry about pushing my limits.  This last week in chastity and how fulfilling it was will go into my brain as a very exciting.

Today's inspiration.

            

Released, but still under her spell.

After 4 full days and three full nights (about 85 hours) Mistress released my from my chastity punishment.  So while my cock is free, my mind is still very much locked up.  Of course chastity has something to do with it.  There is no way to have 1 lb of steel locked tightly to your cock and not have it affect you.  But for me, the reason I am still a hot mess is that Mistress took firm control of me.  She locked me longer than she ever has (I was surprised she did it as long as she did).  She acted as if she didn't care if I was challenged or not.  She confirmed what I suspected, that if I bitched at all about it my punishment would have not ended yet (very hot by the way).

It's hard to explain, but while I was in physical distress, my mind was euphoric.  While I was frustrated I was overjoyed.  While I was locked, I felt a freedom.  As much as I wanted out, I wanted to stay locked up much longer.  Not because I like chastity, but because I loved the feeling of being owned and controlled.

More important than any of the above is that I hope my Mistress got something out of the last 4 days.  I hope she got hot thinking about me being locked.  I hope she got a rush of power by seeing me walk into the bathroom first thing with my device dangling in front of me.  I hope she got wet thinking about how frustrated I must be.  I hope she found something over the last 4 days that has her planning her next attack.  I hope she will use my state of mind to fulfill her needs and wants as opposed to feeding my wants.  I really do like serving her and I am so very pliable right now.

Instead of me spouting off about a bunch of fantasy stuff, I will end with this.  I am a very fortunate man to have met someone that understands me so well and loves me enough to indulge me.  I am so very much in love.

Today's inspiration found online...

Training tip: Address his emotional needs and comfort him when he needs it. You are strict, but you do care… He won't be cumming anytime soon though.

.

 

Settling In

I have now been in chastity a little over 72 hours.  The first 2 days were a little challenging.  Monday was ok.  Tuesday I was in a little pain and felt raw.  Yesterday was better and today even seems to be better.  I slept better last night, but still woke up early.  I got out of bed a little early today so that I wouldn't keep getting painful erections.  Getting up kept my mind off of my cock much better than lying there.  Mistress had me wear a nighty again last night and she gave me a quick tease with her fingers prior to going to sleep.

I went back through emails and blog posts.  As best as I can tell this is the longest Mistress had kept me locked up since we met 4+ years ago and the longest I have been locked up in 5+ years.  Being locked up has stages.  When I was trying to figure out the stages, I was amazed how much they resemble the 5 stages of grief.

1.  Denial - I can't believe I am locked up.  I'll be out of it soon.
2.  Anger - Man this this uncomfortable.  This sucks.
3.  Bargaining - If only I obeyed.  Are you sure you want me to stay locked up?  I promise I'll behave.
4.  Depression - I'm sad I can't feel my cock when I really want to.  Peeing in this thing is such a mess.
5.  Acceptance - Everything is going to be ok.  I'm locked.  The pain and much of the discomfort is gone.  I earned this.  I deserve it.  I want to make Mistress happy.

I am in the acceptance stage.  I am super horny however and feel my ability to resist diminishing.  My mind spins with naughty and nasty thoughts.  I get all sub-spacy.  My desire to please my Mistress is growing.  My desire for Mistress to be mean and bitchy is increasing.  I'm going to stop with all of that now.

Follow Up - My body getting used to the device and my mind is adjusting to it. On a scale of 1-10, my desire to be released is down to a 4.  My desire to endure is still an 11.

I love my Mistress and want to please her with my ability to take what she dishes out.

Today's inspiration...

Soooo Close

Scary

 

Hot Mess

I've only been locked in chastity for 48 hours, and I am a hot mess.  There is simply no way to have this steel cage locked on my cock and balls and not be affected.  My mind is bouncing between what I need to be doing, Mistress controlling me, my cock, and dark fantasies.  There is no stopping it.

Now it would be easy to say the device is what is causing my horniness, but that's just a delivery method.  What's really causing my horniness is Mistress's attitude.  She is exhibiting a certain demeanor that I find exhilarating.  She is acting a little aloof about my situation.  She seems more determined to make a statement to me that she is done tolerating my insolence.  While I know she cares, she is giving me a signal that she really doesn't care if I am in discomfort.  Last night, in addition to making me sleep in chastity she also made me sleep in a nighty.  Not wearing a nighty is what got me into this situation.  The effect is dramatic on my mind. Genius Mistress!  Genius!  I am intoxicated with thoughts of Mistress asserting herself, demanding more of me and her being meaner to me.  The real aphrodisiac isn't the chastity device, it's the loss of control I have of my situation.

Follow up.  I am pretty much where I was yesterday.  Do I want out? Yes, of course.  At 4 this morning I was awoken by a painful hard-on due to me having to urinate.  I was feeling my punishment despite all the sexy thoughts I have been having.  After using the bathroom I was able to go back to sleep.  At 4 AM I wanted out so bad.  But now, on a scale of 1-10, I am still at a 6 in wanting to be released.  Do I want to stay locked up and endure whatever comes my way?  Absolutely, as long as necessary.

Mistress made a comment about maybe letting me out on Friday to clean up.  I assured her that this device is hygienic and that I can clean myself with just a bit of effort. If she wants to let me out because she feels she has punished me enough, than that's cool.  However, if she is feeling guilty or wants to show mercy or thinks I need a break, I want to endure.  I want her to feel comfortable being meaner and have confidence in punishing me as she sees fit.  I am reminded of the saying, "it's not real until you want it to stop".  Of course my mindset might change in the next 48 hours, but I am determined to enthusiastically take my punishment.

I ran across the picture below.  I like to think this is going through MBB's mind right now. Especially the words at the bottom.  I love you Mistress!!!

I am going to break you.

Feedback

Last night I slept in chastity for the first time in ages.  I don't know the last time it was, but I believe it was over 3 years ago.  I'm pretty sure I haven't had to sleep in it since we started living together.  For the most part I slept well.  I frequently turn in my sleep, and last night was no exception.  When not in chastity, I have to adjust my cock and balls due to the way the lay when I turn over.  Last night was unusual because every time I would adjust, I felt hard steel between my legs.  Around 4 AM I started getting my normal morning erections.  I can't say I slept well after 4 AM, but I wouldn't have changed a thing. Here's why...

Last night Mistress came home from work.  Normally she lets me out when she gets home, but in this case I know the chastity is a punishment and not play.  I didn't say anything as I want to make her proud for taking it as long as she wishes. A little later she asked how my day in chastity was, I told her it was ok.  She asked if it was uncomfortable, I told her it was, but not unbearably so.  That was it until bedtime.  At bedtime she was cuddly, but avoided saying anything and didn't touch me.  I was scared to have to sleep in chastity, but at the same time knew I might have to so I asked her if she meant for me to sleep locked up.  She assured me she did and I got instantly rock hard.  She also told me I would need to browse pictures I have posted on our blog for 15 minutes before getting out of bed in the morning.  It took me a bit of time to fall asleep, more wondering what was in store for me than anything else.

From about 4 to 5:45 AM I tossed and turned.  I appreciated the softness of a nighty versus my cock cage.  I felt very owned and punished.  The only thing I think would make me feel more owned would be sleeping restrained or caged.  At least I could move my body.  My cock got hard and then soft every few minutes, 30-40 times easily.  My mind was going through many dark fantasies.  I thought about what if Mistress asked how I slept, or if I wanted to be released.  From 5:45 to about 6:15 I went through our blog.  I started at the beginning, but there were not many pics early on, however I ran into some very hot posts from back then.  Especially ones where Mistress used me well.  Between the posts and the pics, all I wanted to do was stroke my cock.  Not cum, but stroke.  Not a chance and my hard-on was fairly uncomfortable.

As far as my planned responses if she had asked me how my night was it's this.

How did I sleep?  I slept ok until morning but then the device made that difficult.  It's not a real problem.

Do I want to be released?  On a scale of 1-10, I am at a 6 in my desire to be released.  To be fair, it's only been 72 hours since my last orgasm and 24 since I have been locked up.

How do I feel about being locked up?  On a scale of 1-10, I am at an 11 in wanting to stay locked up.  I have been asking Mistress to be meaner to me.  I disobeyed her and then tried to make up a lame excuse for it.  I was badly behaved in other ways.  Having Mistress take more control of me is well worth having my cock locked up indefinitely.  So long as she checks in with me and acknowledges my situation I will endure as long as she wishes.

Thank you Mistress for punishing me.                    

Punishment

I sit here finding myself in chastity again.  After a wonderful holiday abroad, it's time for me to pay for a couple of my sins.  Mistress and I agreed that I would wear a nighty every night of our vacation.  We were having such good amazing sex and I got to cum a lot, so that idea wasn't so hot any longer.  A few of the nights I went to bed after Mistress and didn't feel it was necessary.  After a few days she mentioned it and told me I needed to correct it.  She also told me I would be punished when we returned home.  She told me I would be in chastity as soon as out work week started again.  I have no idea for how long or how chastity will be implemented, but will gratefully accept my sentence.  She did mention she might get herself off multiple times while I had to lay there in bondage and observe and that I certainly would be very frustrated. As much as I don't want to be in chastity I am excited to have Mistress enforcing her will on me more forcefully.  For the most part I do a good job of servicing her, but I also have my ego and insecurities that come up occasionally.  While I think it's human nature to be compassionate about another's insecurities, I am wired differently.  While I want to be understood, I also want to be encouraged (as well as forced).  Encouraged to push myself to be more submissive, more feminine, more subservient to my Mistress' needs and desires, and to pay the price when I push back (consciously or not).

In addition to not wearing a nighty every night, I also stayed out too late one night and put myself in a bad position by drinking too much and getting lost on my way back to our room.  I'm disappointed in my behavior and don't want to repeat it.  I don't like disappointing Mistress because she trusts me more than anyone ever has.  As best as I can tell Mistress has forgiven me although there might be additional punishment in store for me.  If there is, I certainly deserve it, and I believe that I need it.  I am not one to misbehave to get a punishment. It's too easy for Mistress to just withdraw from D/s and leave me wanting.  Sometimes withdrawing from D/s is a valid way to deal with my behavioral issues.  Other times I think D/s can be used to encourage or discourage certain behaviors, especially if they are unpleasant.  I spent some time thinking punishments that I would not want repeated.  A few of the ones I communicated with Mistress was a true spanking/beating as described here ( http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2013/03/beating-your-man-properly.html ).  Handwriting a certain number of lines to enforce expectations.  Spending time in a corner holding up a quarter with my nose.

The beating if done as described scares the bejesus out of me.  Pain really does nothing for me, unless it's been sexualized.  There is nothing in that beating description that seems sexual to me.  I can imagine one night being out and remembering a beating like that and getting myself home.  I would also like to think Mistress is capable of going to that extreme.  Handwriting lines would be boring as fuck especially of made to do it in solitude but repeating the same phrase hundreds of times would be memorable when out and about.  Corner time might even be worse because there is no task to take my mind off things.  Time to reflect on my sins might also be effective.

All of that being said, we had an overall great vacation.  We needed this time together.  We had some amazing sex.  We had a great deal of relaxation and I feel closer to her than before we left.  I am so in love with her and I miss her as this is our first day apart in the last 10 days.  I'm also excited to have Mistress taking her Head of Household role and encouraging my service and submissiveness.  I want to make her happy in so many ways.  I love you Mistress.