Monday, September 8, 2014


I sit here finding myself in chastity again.  After a wonderful holiday abroad, it's time for me to pay for a couple of my sins.  Mistress and I agreed that I would wear a nighty every night of our vacation.  We were having such good amazing sex and I got to cum a lot, so that idea wasn't so hot any longer.  A few of the nights I went to bed after Mistress and didn't feel it was necessary.  After a few days she mentioned it and told me I needed to correct it.  She also told me I would be punished when we returned home.  She told me I would be in chastity as soon as out work week started again.  I have no idea for how long or how chastity will be implemented, but will gratefully accept my sentence.  She did mention she might get herself off multiple times while I had to lay there in bondage and observe and that I certainly would be very frustrated. As much as I don't want to be in chastity I am excited to have Mistress enforcing her will on me more forcefully.  For the most part I do a good job of servicing her, but I also have my ego and insecurities that come up occasionally.  While I think it's human nature to be compassionate about another's insecurities, I am wired differently.  While I want to be understood, I also want to be encouraged (as well as forced).  Encouraged to push myself to be more submissive, more feminine, more subservient to my Mistress' needs and desires, and to pay the price when I push back (consciously or not).

In addition to not wearing a nighty every night, I also stayed out too late one night and put myself in a bad position by drinking too much and getting lost on my way back to our room.  I'm disappointed in my behavior and don't want to repeat it.  I don't like disappointing Mistress because she trusts me more than anyone ever has.  As best as I can tell Mistress has forgiven me although there might be additional punishment in store for me.  If there is, I certainly deserve it, and I believe that I need it.  I am not one to misbehave to get a punishment. It's too easy for Mistress to just withdraw from D/s and leave me wanting.  Sometimes withdrawing from D/s is a valid way to deal with my behavioral issues.  Other times I think D/s can be used to encourage or discourage certain behaviors, especially if they are unpleasant.  I spent some time thinking punishments that I would not want repeated.  A few of the ones I communicated with Mistress was a true spanking/beating as described here ( ).  Handwriting a certain number of lines to enforce expectations.  Spending time in a corner holding up a quarter with my nose.

The beating if done as described scares the bejesus out of me.  Pain really does nothing for me, unless it's been sexualized.  There is nothing in that beating description that seems sexual to me.  I can imagine one night being out and remembering a beating like that and getting myself home.  I would also like to think Mistress is capable of going to that extreme.  Handwriting lines would be boring as fuck especially of made to do it in solitude but repeating the same phrase hundreds of times would be memorable when out and about.  Corner time might even be worse because there is no task to take my mind off things.  Time to reflect on my sins might also be effective.

All of that being said, we had an overall great vacation.  We needed this time together.  We had some amazing sex.  We had a great deal of relaxation and I feel closer to her than before we left.  I am so in love with her and I miss her as this is our first day apart in the last 10 days.  I'm also excited to have Mistress taking her Head of Household role and encouraging my service and submissiveness.  I want to make her happy in so many ways.  I love you Mistress.            

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