Used the way I should be

Yesterday Mistress finally used her sex slave the way he should be used.  The focus was on her and her orgasms.  We started with me on top inside of Mistress.  It had been 4 weeks since I had been inside her so I was ready to cum after about 90 seconds when Mistress had her first orgasm.  For Mistress' next orgasm I had to use my fingers inside her.  Mistress had me kneel by her side so she could stroke my cock while I fingered her.

Mistress had a couple more orgasms and she could barely stroke me 10 or so times before I was pulling away from her expert hand.  I put my cock back inside her and begged her not to let make me orgasm.  I told her how I want to denied orgsms for so long that I agree to do the most debased things she can think of.  How I want to be overwhelmed with desire and be used and abused.

Mistress had me get the Hitachi and she started playing with herself.  She told me to stop touching her and to stroke my cock.  I was warned that any cum that escapes my cock needed to be licked up.  Well that did it and I had a couple teaspoons drip out.  I quickly scooped them up with my fingers and went back to stroking.  I could only manage about 6 strokes each time before I had to stop myself.  Mistress alternated between giving herself orgams and having me do it.  Then Mistress started talking about bringing another woman into the bedroom.  I moaned.  She tentatively started to mention bringing a man in and I told her I was now at a place in our relationship where she could start teasing and talking about bringing a man into our world.  Mistress mentioned a guy sucking my cock, and then having me suck him off instead. This is still a hard limit for me, but I see no harm in bringing the discussion into our world if for no other reason than to push buttons.   Maybe someday my stance will change.

I pulled my hand away from my cock to avoid getting too close to the edge.  Within seconds I felt a pulse and before I know it my cock was dripping cum.  Then cum was boiling out of my cock and down the shaft.  A lot of cum.  I reached down and started scooping the cum into my mouth.  It took several attempts to get it all.  Overall it wasn't too bad but a couple globs made me think twice about what I was doing.  I think I can be safe saying that it's the most cum I have ever eaten - so far.  After I cooled down a bit I put my cock back inside Mistress and fucked her trying to get myself close to orgasm.  At this point my body and subconscious mind wanted an orgasm even if my submissive mind didn't want one.  But it didn't happen. I came too much to have an orgasm.  I could have kept fucking Mistress, but our room got too hot and Mistress was worn out from many gushing orgasms.  At the time I denied it, but now I can say for sure I had a ruined orgasm.  I don't think I could have made it any more ruined if I tried.

I got up and got dressed in some women's clothes.  For the next few hours I had that common let down from cumming.  I was feeling insecure and felt "off".  However it didn't last long.  Being forced back into my feminine role immediately was the best thing I could have done.  By bedtime I was getting my desperation back.  I picked out a nighty I never pick for myself as it has padded inserts.  I was ready to be back to a sissy slut.  I fell asleep replaying the day in my mind.  I relished the idea of Mistress using me the way she did with no guilt.  I thought about us doing this more frequently so that I can be trained to please her better and trained to hold back better.  I smiled as I thought about how eagerly I cleaned up my cum and how good it made me feel obey her unconditionally.

By morning I woke up with a massive hard on.  Whatever drop I had last night is long gone.  I was excited to get up and put on my feminine work out clothes.  I am working from home today and am feeling particularly naughty.  As I play back yesterday in my mind, I wouldn't change a thing except maybe not ruining my orgasm. I get turned on thinking about how I am a cum swallowing, sissy slave for my Mistress.  A slut to be used and abused for her pleasure.  I am in my happy place.  

I thought it would never stop

Femme in Public

I've now been locked in chastity for 8 days other than a brief reprieve when I got my beating.  The chastity is now working its magic.  Even though life and work has been keeping any erotic thoughts out of my head, the constant feeling of chastity keeps pulling my thoughts in that direction.  I frequently find myself thinking about how I don't know what my cock feels like.  I am getting hornier and more desperate by the day.  As I have written over the years I dislike chastity, or I used to dislike it.  Now that I have a super comfortable device, I actually like it.  It's not perfect, but damn close.  I will soon write a post about how I view chastity now.

Today's post is based on a blog post I read a few weeks ago that I can't get out of my mind.  In the post, a Mistress takes her slave to get his/her makeup done professionally.  I frequently fantasize about being feminized in front of another woman, but the thought also scares the crap out of me.  Here are some of my thoughts.

• I think about something similar to this story, or 
• Me having to be feminine in front of a pro-domme
• Having boudoir photos taken of me as my alter ego Sophia
• Out in public dressed.  (Halloween, Gas Station, Drag Queen Events)

Here are some key phrases that stood out.

So we set an appointment for this past weekend.  And, as I’m sure you all know, I had lots and lots and lots of fun in the days and hours leading up to that appointment.  The poor sissy’s blood pressure was probably off the charts.  He was so nervous and flustered.  It was adorable.

More than the humiliation of having to endure it, more than being seen by more than one person that way, more than yet another piece of his masculinity being taken from him, that was what worried him the most.

“Do you want sweet?  Sultry?  Day?  Night?  Glamour?”  “Let’s go with sweet and innocent,” I told her, with a very not-sweet-and-innocent grin at Sounder.

Less than an hour later, she stepped back and asked Sounder what he thought.  He turned to me, and I couldn’t stop smiling.  He looked pretty.  Downright pretty.

Still, I couldn’t help but pull up his dress in the car and stroke him through his panties.  I drive an SUV, and he pulled his dress back down when we pulled up at a stop light next to another SUV.

Full story here - https://dominajen.com/2016/07/20/sissy-slut/

There is a 2nd part to the story that isn't my cup of tea, but I am sure Mistress will enjoy reading.  https://dominajen.com/2016/07/22/and-part-2/

Choking on a dildo

It's been several days since I have edged.  I really had no intention of edging until I saw the video above.  I have seen several stills and GIFs of the above video but this is the first time I have seen it with sound and context.  In previous posts I have mentioned how I want to have my mouth raped by a dildo.  The man above does a pretty good job of taking it all, but you can see him try to pull back and you can hear him gag.  Additionally you can hear him sniffle like someone has been crying which I am sure the dildo has made his eyes water.  I love her taunting and how well she pushes him beyond what is comfortable.  During my edge I went from soft to having to stop in less than a minute and edges 5-6 times in short order.  I only stopped so that I didn't leak and have to lick it up.

3rd orgasm this year

A couple days ago Mistress granted me my 3rd orgasm for the year.  I really didn't want to cum.  I wanted to be denied and then teased and tormented all weekend.  I had fantasized about being tied down and relentlessly teased.  Denied and coerced into confessing all the pathetic things I would do as her slave.  Mistress using the dildo gag strapped to my head to squirt all over my face and busting my full balls.  To be dressed as her little sissy slut or cheerleader.  Wearing heavy makeup, nail polish and a slutty perfume on my knees sucking a strap-on dildo she is wearing.  Getting deep throated until my mascara was running due to tears.  Locked in my chastity device while Mistress fucked me in the ass and then me spending hours with my face in between her legs while still dressed all slutty.  Using toys and fingers to make Mistress cum so many times she couldn't walk.  Me not being allowed to cum.  mmmmmmmm!

I think about being so horny and full of cum that I could and would do this.

I have recently spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about being locked in chastity.  Remembering of how I was on such a high for the 4 weeks and 1 day Mistress had me locked in December and January.  I found another picture of the device I am considering buying.  I love how small, simple and comfortable it looks.  It seems like the perfect way to be permanently locked without the discomfort and difficulty of a ball trap device.  Although in some cases discomfort is the desired effect.

http://www.evotionwearables.com/

Lastly, I found a blog post I found relevant to something Mistress would like to see happen.  This blog post is about a Mistress forcing her slave boys to be sexual together.  I am still personally against it, but if it were to happen this is close to how I can imagine it happening with me on the receiving end.  https://dominajen.wordpress.com/2016/02/02/the-adventures-of-bi-guy-and-sissy-slut/

A Story I Found

I have been out of a submissive mindset lately as real life has gotten in the way of me feeling very submissive.  Nonetheless, I ran across this story with an unexpected twist.  I think Mistress will like it.  ADDED NOTE:  I made this post and didn't think much of it since I have really put D/s in the back of my mind.  However it seems that this post broke through all of that.  For the past couple hours I can't seem to get D/s thoughts out of my mind.  It probably helps that it's been 23 days since my last orgasm.

 A text message with an address and a command to show up at 7:00 pm was all the communication he’d received from his Domina that day.  His questions had been answered with four short words; “Do as you’re told.”

So he pulled up to the large, unfamiliar house, his nervousness rising.  But he took comfort in seeing his Domina’s car parked in the driveway.

He’d barely rung the doorbell when the front door swung open, revealing his Domina.  The grin she wore was one he’d seen many times, and he felt his heart skip a beat.  She was planning something evil, something sadistic and cruel, something she was barely able to contain her excitement about.

“Come on, hurry up,” she urged, taking his hand and pulling him inside.  She led him through the house and into a guest bedroom, where he was surprised to see one of her Domme friends laying out a number of implements on the bed.

He stared down at the ominous array of toys, his pulse quickening.

His Domina didn’t waste any time.  “Strip,” she commanded, stepping away from him to grab a pair of leather wrist cuffs from the bed.

His heart pounding, he did as he was told, removing his shirt and pants and setting them neatly in the corner of the room.  He straightened up, wearing nothing but a pair of panties and a pair of thigh-high stockings.

It’s all he had to wear, since she had tied him to the bed and made him watch as she went through his room, grabbing all of his men’s underwear and throwing them away.  She’d made a point to sit in front of him with a pair of scissors, cutting up and completely destroying every pair he owned.

She’d replaced them with the panties, taking his spare key and promising that she would randomly come by unannounced to go through his clothes again, to make sure he hadn’t bought any more.  Twice in the six months since then, she’d made good on that promise.  And twice, she’d been satisfied to find that he’d submitted completely to her will, and obeyed her even when she wasn’t around.

“Those, too,” she said, gesturing to the panties and the stockings.

He obeyed, slowly removing the last of his clothing and standing before them completely naked.

His Domina approached him with the cuffs and buckled one around each wrist.  She and her friend occasionally spoke to each other, but neither of them spoke to him as they fastened the wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs, followed by a thick leather harness that went over his shoulders to buckle at his waist.

She surprised him then, when she removed the chastity cage he always wore.

She only took that off when she wanted to tease him, to edge him, to hurt him, or to clean him.  What did she have planned?

The next thing she grabbed made his heart rate double.

It was a sensory deprivation hood, made of thick, padded leather.  He’d never worn one before.  One of the things he loved most was watching her prepare to use him, knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop what she was about to do to him.

She knew this, and often used it to her advantage, so she very rarely ever blindfolded him.  Much less remove his hearing, as well.

He was very still as she pulled it over his head and buckled it, effectively removing his sight.  Once she’d completely fastened and tightened it, the soft leather pressed against his ears, and he couldn’t hear a thing.

There was a hole at his mouth and two smaller ones at his nose for him to breathe through, but with the hood fitting so snugly against his face, even those holes didn’t allow him the ability to hear what was going on around him.

He felt her clip a padlock onto the strap that buckled around his neck, then she took his hand and moved it up to let him feel for himself that indeed, he was locked into the hood, and could not get it off.

She moved to his side, standing close to him, her left hand going to his arm and her right hand around his waist.  With firm, steady pressure, she urged him forward.

Oh, god, she expected him to walk?  He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, he felt completely isolated and out of touch with his surroundings.  Trying to walk like that was unnerving, to say the least.

But he trusted her, and hesitantly allowed her to lead him wherever she wanted.

He was very aware of the fact that he was completely naked, completely helpless, in unfamiliar surroundings, and had no idea what was going on.  The realization was as terrifying as it was exhilarating, and he couldn’t hide his erect, dripping cock.

Progress was slow, but her touch was constant, patient, and gentle.  It helped ease his nerves a bit.  Following her lead was familiar.  Doing what she wanted was calming.  She’d always taken care of him.  He knew that whatever she had planned, she would make sure nothing bad happened.

Those thoughts helped, but did little to calm his racing heart as she continued leading him slowly through the house.

Finally, she stopped, and stepped away.

And the sudden lack of touch brought all the nervousness and anxiety back.  He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, and had no idea where he was, or where she was.  That isolation began pressing down on him.  He stood still, waiting for her to come back.  It was all he could do.

He didn’t have to wait long.  He felt the familiar touch on his shoulder, then down his arm.  Gently, she lifted his arm up and clipped his wrist cuff to something that kept his arm in place.  She did the same thing with his other arm, then urged him to spread his legs, and clipped his ankles.

When she was done, he was standing upright, spread-eagle, his legs and arms spread wide and held in place.

He felt extremely vulnerable as she trailed her fingertips down his chest and stomach, stopping just short of his throbbing cock.

In the next moment, she slapped his cock lightly, causing him to jump and flinch.  Another slap, harder this time, brought a gasp and a grunt of pain.

But he was acutely aware that there was nowhere he could go.  He was completely immobilized, completely exposed, completely at her mercy.

Her touch became gentle again, caressing his thighs and stomach.  She brought both hands up and rested them against his chest just as he felt another pair of hands behind him, starting at his shoulders and moving down toward his butt.

Another hand came from the side, starting at his hip and running lightly across his lower stomach.  Yet another came from the other side, moving up the inside of his thigh, brushing lightly against his cock.

His Domina’s hands disappeared, and were quickly replaced by unfamiliar fingers teasing his nipples.

He gasped, squirming, as he was touched all over.  The part of his mind still capable of coherent thought tried desperately to count the pairs of hands, but he couldn’t.  It had to be at least three, probably four.

And his ability to form a coherent thought was completely obliterated when he felt a slick, wet finger reach down between his legs, lightly rubbing against his hole.  He squirmed, gasping, chills running down his spine.

The finger teased him for just a moment before slowly entering him, eliciting a shuddering moan.

It was quickly joined by a second wet finger, and he knew that it was from a different hand.

The two fingers slid in and out of him, exploring him, sometimes moving together, sometimes not.  After a few moments, a third finger entered him, and he had no idea whether it was from a different hand or not.  He couldn’t tell anymore.

It seemed like he was being touched everywhere, every inch of his body.  Hands stroked his cock, fondled his balls, caressed his thighs, teased his nipples.  He couldn’t count them anymore, and he didn’t want to.  He was lost in the sensations.

Suddenly, he felt the restraints holding his arms lower and move forward, pulling him over.  He had no choice but to follow, and was relieved to find that someone had put some sort of stool or bench or small padded table in front of him.  As he was forced to bend over, he rested on the table.

And he felt more vulnerable than he had when he’d been standing up.  His legs were still spread wide, his ass still exposed and full of fingers, his cock still teased and stroked.

Then, the fingers inside him abruptly left, and he was surprised to find himself disappointed.  He wanted the feeling of being filled and stuffed.

He wasn’t disappointed for long, though.  A moment later, he gasped and tensed as a strap-on dildo was thrust smoothly into him, all the way to the hilt.  It was bigger than he was expecting, and his muscles throbbed as they stretched to accommodate it.

More hands teased and stroked his cock, lightly tapping his balls, making him clench his muscles around the dildo that fucked him.

He moaned, pushing his weight back on his heels to meet each thrust, wanting to be fucked deeper, harder.  Strong hands gripped his hips as the cock was pounded into him again and again.  The hands on his cock continued the endless tease, keeping him hard, but not giving him enough to reach an edge.

Then, the thrusting got quicker, harder, more animalistic.  The hands holding his hips dug into him with strong, big fingers.  And then, there was one final, deep thrust, as the cock was pushed as far into him as it would go.  Once again, his muscles throbbed around it.

Wait…..

It wasn’t his muscles that were throbbing.

The cock inside him was throbbing.

The cock inside him was real.

He’d been fucked by a man.  And that man had just cum inside him.

He cried out, struggling, pulling desperately against the restraints, but they were too tight.  He couldn’t move.

The cock inside him was pulled out and immediately replaced with another one.  Another real one.  Before he could react, he felt his head pushed down, and a cock was shoved through the hole in his hood and into his mouth.

He gagged, sputtering, trying to pull away.  But the hands that held him were firm, and kept him in place.

He struggled for a moment longer before the sensations began to overwhelm him again, and his mind once again grew fuzzy.

Practically since they’d met, his Domina had talked about wanting him gangbanged, wanting both his holes stuffed.  Her words had always turned him on, and a big part of him looked forward to it, but he’d never been fucked by a man before.

He hadn’t expected his first time to be like this.

But after a moment, he let go and surrendered to her will, drifting in subspace, fueled by his humiliation and objectification as both his holes were violated for a man’s cheap thrill.  Without his sense of sight or hearing, the sensations seemed to become more intense, and he found himself overwhelmed and unable to put a clear thought together.

The man in his mouth came first.  It surprised him, and he gagged once before swallowing, knowing his Domina well enough to know that she was somewhere nearby, watching, and that’s what she would want him to do.

The cock in his mouth was replaced by another one, and once again, his face was brutally and mercilessly fucked.

Time seemed to get blurry after that.  He had no idea how long he was kept there, bent over a bench or a stool, completely violated and humiliated, completely exposed and open for anyone who wanted to use him.

He had no idea how many men had fucked him.  He knew he swallowed at least two more loads of cum.  Trying to keep track of how many had cum in his ass was harder.

It seemed like hours had passed.  His ass was raw and throbbing, his jaw was sore and stiff, and he had no way of knowing how much longer this would continue.

But finally, the cock in his mouth came, but wasn’t replaced with another one.  Shortly after, the cock in his ass quivered and throbbed as it came inside him.  It wasn’t replaced with another one, either.

Was it finally over?

For what seemed like a long time, he stayed there, bent over, alone.

Then, he felt the cuffs on his ankles removed, allowing him to move his legs.  Familiar, gentle hands moved up his back, to his arms, and unbuckled the wrist cuffs.

Finally released, he collapsed, lowering himself to the carpeted floor, completely exhausted, completely degraded.

She was there, pulling him into her lap, running her hands soothingly over his body as he lied against her.  He took a deep breath and sighed, relaxing.  He couldn’t see her, he couldn’t hear her, but he knew that she was proud of him.

Story found here...  https://dominajen.wordpress.com/

Teasing, Denial and Forced Statements

For the last day or so I cannot get the thought of a teasing session out of my mind.  Mistress is a master at being able to edge me over and over and I can't get those thoughts out of my head.  My current fantasy goes something like this...

Mistress tells me to go take a shower and to pay special attention to my cock cage.  As I shower she gets our bed ready.  I get out and she has some transsexual or gay porn playing on the TV in our room.  She has my put on my restraints as well as a black leather collar.  She ties me to the bed so I can't move.  She starts by kissing and licking and touching every part of my body and completely ignores my cock that is now straining to get out of it's cage.  She pays extra attention to my nipples, so much so that I am begging her to stop as they are over stimulated.  Mistress keeps telling me of her fantasy of seeing me with a man.  She tells me that for me to be unlocked she wants to hear me say what I "think" I could do with a man.  She makes me repeat it several times to get her to leave my nipples alone and then she gets up and leaves the room.

I am tied to our bed, thinking about what she got me to say while there is porn that is not my kind of porn playing on the TV.  Mistress comes back into the room and starts to unlock my device.  She tells me that my eyes are to remain on the TV screen no matter what.  If my eyes move from the screen she will punch my balls.  After a couple turns of the screw she tells me to repeat what I said earlier.  I repeat it.  She removes the device and proceeds to bring to the edge a few times.  Mistress uses the Hitachi to get herself off while letting my cock recover from the edges.  She edges me a few more times while talking about how she plans on making me be with a guy.

She then pulls the large squirting dildo out of the drawer and holds it in front my my face.  I look at it and get a swift hit to the balls for taking my eyes off the TV screen.  She tells me to open my mouth, I do and she interests the cock in my mouth.  She tells me to hold it there and if it comes out my balls will take another beating.  Mistress then strokes my cock until I let her know I am close cumming.  She stops stroking my cock and starts deep throating me with the dildo.  I am choking on the cock and tears are streaming down the corners of my eyes.  I quickly come down from the edge due to the mouth fucking and Mistress leaves the cock in my mouth while she edges me again.  This repeats several times along with Mistress getting herself of many times.  She again leaves the bedroom with me watching porn and a dildo sitting in my mouth.

After a short while Mistress comes back in the room and takes a picture of me with the cock in my mouth and the TV screen very visible in the picture.  She starts stroking my cock until I get to the edge.  She takes the dildo and tells me to repeat after her.  For the next 30 minutes she makes me repeat over and over what she wants me to do with a guy.  She edges me time and again while making me repeat it with my eyes on the screen.  Once she is satisfied that this session has had a mental impact on me she unties me and tells me to put my device back on.  I then spend the next few days humiliated and turned on at the same time about all the things Mistress made me contemplate.  Mistress texts that picture of me sucking cock to my phone whenever she wants to make me blush.  When she does, my cock throbs in its cage.

Here is a post I recently found about T&D that I found particularity hot.

Ms. Rika’s Tips for Tease and Denial:

Quoted from Ms. Rika, accomplished author:

T&D is one of my favorite playtime activities :) Here are a few tips:

• I don’t tell him I’m going to tease him…I just do it.
• I don’t say, “I’m not going to let you come”. Rather I say, “Maybe this time…” Keep him hoping. The more he thinks that THIS TIME he gets to come the better - the spin off is all about making him think he’s going to get off and then suddenly, stimulation stops and he’s left hanging on
• If I want him to do something humiliating, I tell him to do it early - before I tease him in earnest. Hopefully, he’ll refuse. Then it becomes a challenge to get him to change his mind - which he will.
• When I do get that challenge, then I can take it to the next level. Using your example: If I want him to lick my ass, and he refuses at first - then after an hour of repeated denials, he says he’ll do it - I’ll tease him a few more times until he’s literally begging me to let him do it. I might tell him that his begging isn’t sincere enough and tease him again. Then I might let him do it - then tell him he did a good job so he can come…and STILL not let him come.
• Which brings up the next point, as a rule, you don’t need to be fair. The situation is not fair. You are totally in control and being “not fair” is one way to demonstrate it. You can lie. You can tell him that he’s going to get to come and then not let him. You can deliberately confuse him. You can do whatever you want to him and he will let you…because ultimately, you and only you will decide if and when that orgasm comes. Pushy victims might just suffer longer! He might suffer longer just because you feel like it. Tough!
• I never feel like a T&D session has to end - I can PAUSE a session - untie him, go about my day and then pick up later in the evening and start all over again - or even the next day. The impact of a good T&D session lasts…it’s a cumulative thing. If you tease and deny him over several days, the tension will continue to build up and the ultimate release will be that much sweeter.
• I personally don’t like the number system. I feel it gives him in too much control. I use a “beg me not to let you come” system with a failsafe. Rather than him begging to come, I tell him I want him to beg me to stop - when he’s getting close. Personally, I love the irony of him screaming, “Please stop, I’m going to come” and me saying, “OK…” :) But here’s the trick - if I choose to NOT stop, he has to come within 5 seconds - or he will not get to come at all. This way, he will not be able to cheat. He has to be REALLY close before he asks me to stop - Realize though, that this means, sometimes, you have to not stop when he begs you to stop. Sometimes you need to let him come. You have to keep him honest - which means that some sessions will be quick, because you let him get off earlier than he may have expected. It’s a payment up front for more fun later.
• Lube is your friend. A lot of lube will make him so slippery that your motions won’t create as much stimulation. As the lube wears down, you’ll see him start to feel it more and you know you’re creating that build up.
• Read up on “polishing the apple” aka “palming the knob” - a great technique for prolonging his orgasm while keeping him stimulated. A word of advice, I have found that lube is NOT your friend for this technique - the drier your palm, with just a little moisture, the more intense the stimulation seems to be. The more intense the stimulation, the “worse” his experience will be! :)
• I make a point to stop every once in a while. I’ll let him recover a little before stimulating him again. I blow on his penis, I’ll let him eat me for a while. I take my time.
• I am aware of the “power of three”. I mention this in my first book - we are accustomed in our lifestyle to things in threes: 1-2-3, a-b-c, red-yellow-green, ready-set-go, win-place-show, etc. The natural tendency is to deny twice and allow to come on the third try. I’m aware of these tendencies and try to avoid them. Or, I use them to my advantage by playing on his natural feeling that the “third time’s a charm”…but it isn’t.
• Last thought: I’ll create a fun situation where he’s begging me to stop, so he’s really close - and I’ll say, “Go ahead…Come”, but I’ll remove all stimulation. If I time it right, he won’t have reached the point of no return - and without stimulation, he won’t be able to get off. Then, I can either say, “Maybe you don’t want to come? I told you to come!” and decide to put it off to another day - or just let him beg some more to get me to start again :)

T&D is SO much fun…I hope this list gives you some good ideas!
- Rika

    

The Key

Mistress didn't want to lose the key to my device, so it's sitting in the kitchen drawer.  It's not hidden as we recently had an issue with the key and don't want to lose it.  Eventually I would like to keep it in a lock box, but the one we have is currently being used for guests.  That being said it's a mind fuck to know where the key is and to have to have the self discipline to not use it.  A real mind fuck.

There is a little devil in my ear telling me to let myself out until this afternoon and relock just before Mistress comes home.  He tells me that even though I can let myself out that I still can't touch myself, or can I?   That same devil is telling me how I can wear whatever I want under my clothes since I will have the freedom to wear something tight and feminine.

Then another little devil whispers in my other ear about being faithful to this experience.  It tells me to read all I have written over the last couple weeks.  How much I have enjoyed learning to submit.  It's not about the device as much as it is about the concept of the device, to be locked no matter what.  To give complete control over to my Mistress and how important to me that is.  To truly be her slave.

With both devils in my ear I have to admit I am a little insecure this morning.  Does Mistress like me locked?  Does it still give her a rush to see my locked cock sticking out from my nighty?  Does it make her wet to think about me not being able to touch myself?  Is the control important to her or is she just placating me?  I hate feeling insecure about my submissiveness.  It's one of those things that makes my macho side rear its ugly head.

Switching gears, I had another gay sex dream last night.  There was a younger guy and from what I remember we were in a bar.  I called him a cutie (which is weird because there was nothing cute about him).  The next part of the dream is I remember being in a room and me having him on his back, legs together and I was fucking him in the ass, but as I did it I went soft.  I pulled out of him and my cock was only half hard.  I remember leaving the room but didn't dressed as I wanted to clean off first and couldn't.  He wanted me to stay and I didn't.  I then woke up wishing I hadn't had a dream like that.  I've had two dreams like this in the last year which are the only ones I can ever remember having.  I think Mistress' wish to see me with a man is allowing my brain to at least try it out.  I can only imagine if she was pushing the idea with videos, images and other conditioning.  The mind is an amazing thing.



      

Adding a 3rd person

In the past, Mistress and I have discussed adding a 3rd person occasionally to our play.  Mistress is bi-sexual, and has played with women as well as group sex in the past.  Most of our conversations have revolved around her and another woman dominating me.  I have encouraged her plenty of times to have a girl on the side.  We kind of perused it years ago, but a one-night stand is more likely than her having an actual relationship.

Mistress will occasionally let me know that she would love to see me with a guy.  I am not bi-sexual.  I can certainly look at a guy and see that he has a good body or that he is good looking.  What I can't do is make the jump from thinking a guy is nice looking to wanting to do something sexual with a guy.  For the most part I think guys are kind of gross.  I don't like body hair which is one reason I shave.  I think cum is disgusting. Even if I could clone myself, I wouldn't have sex with me.

So where does this put us?  I can certainly imagine us occasionally playing with a woman.  Hiring a professional escort or Domme would make sense as it avoids the issue of emotional connections.  A great example is found on this blog Girl Sex with the Escort!!!!   Also, starting with a woman would break me into the idea of a 3rd person as I have never had that before.

But what about a guy???  I can't rule it out.  Mistress has been great at fulfilling my fantasies.  I would like to fulfill hers as well.  I try to keep an open mind and imagine how it would look.  Whenever I imagine it, it is somewhat of a process.  It starts with Mistress and I going deeper into a D/s relationship.  We would be going through some of my softer limits, getting me used to the idea of getting to my hard limits.  Some of my semi hard limits would be piss play, cross-dressing in public, etc.  Be crossing these limits and me being ok, would allow me to more easily consider crossing my hard limits.   She would be using a psychological term called conditioning.  The idea of conditioning would be to tie my pleasure to an idea.  The more I can link my pleasure to the idea of another gut the more likely it could happen.  Some ways I imagine she could use conditioning.

• During our teasing sessions she would tell me of her fantasies of me with men
• Any time I was let out of chastity I would have to be plugged.
• The only time she would stroke my cock is if I had a dildo in my mouth or ass
• Our fucking machine
• All edging would be with Mistress using her strapon.  The goal to make me cum from anal sex alone.
• Tying me down and making me watch gay porn while teasing me
• Making me perform oral sex on dildos before I was allowed to be unlocked
• Mistress pointing out men to me she would like to see me with
• Going to gay bars
• Cum eating, cum cubes, simulated cum, etc.
• Making me write male on male stories
• Finding an online Mater to get me used to sexual interaction with a male.
• "sissy conditioning" - Goole has many hits
• Erotic Hypnosis

In short we are a long way from doing something like this if we ever will.  It will take some time, but with a D/s dynamic I can see it possibly happening somewhere down the line.  

Going to Regret

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Something Bi

Last night I had a dream unlike any I have ever had.  I don't remember a lot, but what I did remember I wanted to tell Mistress this morning but really didn't know how to.  In my dream I remember being in an area with lots of bedrooms, like a small hotel or upstairs in a large house.  I also remember lots of guys and no girls.  In this dream there was a guy in a bed and I was in the bed with him, and I think we were both dressed.  He was already tied, but it's how I wanted him tied.  I had him tied like the picture below, except his arms were tied together behind the head forcing his head up.

I then sat on his chest and unzipped my pants and put my cock in his mouth.  Once it was in his mouth he started sucking me and that's when I noticed I wasn't hard and he wasn't getting me hard.  That's also when I realized that I had done something with another man which I had vowed to never do.  It was such a shock that I woke up from sleeping.

Now while I have no desire to do what I dreamed about, I do like it when Mistress tells me her fantasies of me with men.  It makes me hot to think of her wishing I was giong those things.

Mistress has also been encouraging me to wear nighties at night as well as feminine items under my clothes.  I like it when she teases me and makes me blush by bringing it up.  I like it when she humiliates me.

Too bad I couldn't find a guy on guy version of the picture below.  This was the closest I could find.

today's edge

This is what got my motor running today.

I love how long and how deep she makes him go.

My Edge From Last Week

Apparently my Mistress didn't actually read the story from last week, so today's post is that story in it's entirety.  Again, this is not something I think I could do, and if I did I certainly wouldn't be the submissive.

We pulled into his garage. She was dressed in a sexy schoolgirl outfit, with a lacy black and pink bra and teensy panties underneath. I’m not sure if the schoolgirl thing was a request from Andrew or anything, but she knows it’s a favorite of mine, so it might have been intended to drive me wild. I, on the other hand, was wearing only a wide ring gag, handcuffs behind my back, and a collar, with the leash attached to my seat belt.
She pulled in, then draped a leg over my lap, driving me wild, because the skirt was so short and I could see her sexy lace panties underneath.
"Are you sure you’re ready for this?" she said.
I nodded.
"Good," she said, "because Andrew’s cock looked so good when you were sucking it…" As she said this, she reached into her panties and began to play with herself. She moaned so loudly for me and I drooled and throbbed with the pain of almost three months of denial.
She opened her door to get out, then walked around, undid my seatbelt, grabbed my leash and led me into the house.
Andrew was waiting in his living room, in a suit. He was sitting calmly. We were both super tense and anxious, but I wonder if my Goddess isn’t the first other-man’s-woman he’s fucked, because he was totally calm, sipping a glass of water.
She dragged me closer to him, with my leash over her shoulder, and I watched her ass wiggle under her tiny skirt. She was right up next to him, and she bent over slowly, and said, “Hello,” so lustily and breathily. Her face was approaching his crotch, but also, her ass was grinding against my dick, and Andrew laughed as I squealed in pain through the ring gag.
She stood up, walked around behind me, and pushed me down to my knees. She jerked my head upward by my hair, so I was forced to look him in the eye.
"Do you like the present I got you?" she said, sticking a finger in my opened mouth slowly.
He didn’t say anything. He just unzipped his fly. He wasn’t wearing anything under the pants and he sprung right out, nice and hard.
Other than that, he didn’t move. Instead, her hand still in my hair, she guided me to his cock. I have been face-fucked by many men, including at her assistance, but this one was special, because I was readying that cock for her.
"Use tongue," she said, and I did. I was gagging on him for some time, I’m not sure how long, until he decided to push me away and stand up. He still hadn’t said a word when he reached his hands around her, lifted her skirt and manhandled her barely-clad butt, while pulling her in for a kiss. She pushed me away, and I fell over, so they could get closer. And … there it was. It had begun. I was becoming a cuckold.
He undid her white schoolgirl blouse and she left it draped on her shoulders while she kissed him and he bit her lip. Then he reached around and slapped her on the ass. She yelped a little. I would never have the balls to spank her, and I had way bigger balls than him!
Soon, he was under her bra. My sweet, sexy girlfriend, getting her tits rubbed by a stranger. A man who had just brutally fucked my throat with no consideration for my well-being. She sighed as he rubbed her breasts and tweaked her nipples. I wanted to tell him to rub them with her thumbs, because that’s her favorite, but I couldn’t speak through the gag. But what was wrong with me? I wanted to tell this strange man how to pleasure my girlfriend?
She turned to me. “How did it taste?” she asked.
From my position lying on the floor, I mumbled “good” as best as I could, and I also nodded. I couldn’t believe myself but I wanted her to taste him, suck him, do for him what she wouldn’t do for me. I was so hard and horny and I wanted a stranger to take my Goddess and use her the way I never had the audacity too.
It didn’t take much prompting before she was on her knees and slurping him, not slowly, but like a complete whore. I remember blow jobs from her back before we turned to femdom, when her mouth was so effective that she could make me cum in seconds if she wanted to. (Incidentally, her telling me to wait while she blew me is how we first discovered orgasm denial and femdom, but that story another day.) I imagined her doing the same to him, and the first sounds he made that night implied that she was.
She wiggled her finger in a “come hither” motion to me, while not breaking eye contact with him. I crawled over best I could without my hands, and when I was there, she undid the gag. “Share,” she said, moving his cock to my face, and for the first time, she and I shared a blow job, each of us licking one side of his cock. This continued for a while, until finally she pushed me back onto my back.
"Mine," she said.
She continued sucking until he reached under her armpits and pulled her back up. While they kissed, she undid his tie, and he finished removing her top. Now, she was just in a miniskirt and lacy panties.
She turned so her back was towards him, and she grinded up and down against him while he played with her breasts by reaching around her.
"Use your thumbs," I said, "Goddess loves that."
She laughed as I assisted him. He began to do just that, and she extended her foot to her mouth, and I worshipped it.
"What else do I like, slut?" she asked.
I thought for a second. “Doggy style…” I said hesitantly.
She smiled, then slowly lowered her panties. While they were still around her knees, she was on all fours.
"You ready?" she said, speaking half to both of us. I nodded, as he knelt down (after fumbling with a condom).
I couldn’t quite see him enter, but I watched the look on her face, and I could tell when he was in. Now it was as official as it could be. He was fucking my girlfriend.
She groaned with each thrust, and he was rough, as he scratched her back and grabbed her hair and smacked her ass, among other things. This continued for some time as I struggled and throbbed and ached, my balls so full. She looked right in my eyes.
"You like when strange men fuck me, slut?"
"Yes Goddess, please let him fuck you harder."
She sighed, and I groaned in pain. I think she could tell, because she told him to pull out for a second. Then she reached over for her blouse, a few feet from her, and from her pocket pulled out my cuff key. She unlocked me, and got back into position.
"Stroke and edge for my entertainment while he fucks me, bitch," she said. Then she smacked my face for no reason, and he began fucking her again.
I did as told, and each edge was only seconds apart, and my screams of agony only excited her more. She spread her legs a little wider.
"Tell…him…what…I…like…" she said between deep breaths.
I could barely speak either. “Rub…her….clit.”
He did, and it was all too much for her. The fucking, the size of him, watching me edge and scream, her clit … and she came, wildly, just as I hit yet another edge. The power exchange was epic — her getting, from a stranger, what she wouldn’t allow me. Her moans, oh god, her ecstatic moans as she fucked him back as hard as he was fucking her, and the sweat dripping from her brow.
After she settled down, he started to pull out, but she said, “Don’t think for a second you’re done if you haven’t fucked my ass.”
I was still stroking and edging, but this blew me away. I didn’t expect it, and neither did he, I think, because his eyes opened wide. I’d taken her butt a few times but not for a while.
"Do you have lube?" she asked.
He left for a moment and came back, then lubed her up.
"Now get it in me," she said, and he obliged. Slowly but surely, he was in her ass. And he fucked it, at first gently, but eventually, with roughness similar to that of when he fucked her pussy. His groans were getting louder. He was close.
"Now slut, do you want it straight from the source, or off my breasts?" she asked.
I had no idea I was going to swallow it, but with as horny as I was from stroking, the idea of licking her tits….
"Off your breasts, Goddess," I said. She pulled away and rolled over, and he jerked himself the rest of the way, and he burst, reminding me of what I was denied.
She took deep breaths. “You can stop stroking. Now lick it.” And I obliged, cleaning her off completely.
And that is the story of how, wordlessly, another man cuckolded me. And we are still in contact with him. We are never going back

Today's Edge - Not Like Me.

Today I was going through my blog list and found a reblog.  I started reading it, and it's clearly not my kind of story due to some limits I have, but for some reason it got me worked up.  I managed to edge to it and quickly got there, but in my mind I couldn't be the submissive.  Here is an excerpt with the fullink below it.

We pulled into his garage. She was dressed in a sexy schoolgirl outfit, with a lacy black and pink bra and teensy panties underneath. I’m not sure if the schoolgirl thing was a request from Andrew or anything, but she knows it’s a favorite of mine, so it might have been intended to drive me wild. I, on the other hand, was wearing only a wide ring gag, handcuffs behind my back, and a collar, with the leash attached to my seat belt.

http://my-life-in-denial.tumblr.com/post/68107446943/i-know-i-took-a-while-to-get-this-up-but-its

If I were a girl

There is no doubt about it.  75-85% of straight D/s porn out there depicts women as the submissive.  So many of the Tumblr's I see have these amazing bondage scenarios, tortures, outfits, etc where the woman is the submissive, it sometimes makes me wish I were a girl.  Even gay porn has some really great scenes, but I am not gay or bi, so I am always imagining the Dom is a Domme.

Search for porn where the guy is a submissive is a challenge unless it's chastity or cuckolding.  Google or Bing something like "predicament bondage" or "outdoor bondage" and it's less than 20% of male subs.

That got me to thinking.  If I were a girl, with the same brain I have now, what would I want?  Since MBB is a little bi, I would still want her as my mistress.  And since I would have the same brain as far as kink is considered, I would be lesbian and not bi.  If I were a girl, Mistress would make me...

Wear heels all the time

Make me dress slutty when punishing me

Corset punishment


Force multiple orgasms from me until I was crying



Make me go without panties in public

Make me play with myself while in the car


She would use toys on me and make me clean them off with my mouth


She would tie me up in impossibly tight positions


She would use the fucking machine on me non-stop

  
She would make me sock cock until I choked


Torture me with another girl


Use my mouth

Gush all over my face


What I realized on this post was 2 things.
1.  These are all things I wuld like to do if I was dominating a girl.
2. Most of thhese things I don't have to be a girl.  Most could be done to a boy, it;s just that there is little imagery that supports this.

Some Eye Candy For Mistress

More than a few times MBB has told me she would love to see me with a man.  She likes gay porn and even TS porn.  I can see the appeal of it for her, but try and try as I might, I can't reconcile actually doing it in my brain.  I am not gay or bi, so it doesn't do anything for me.  I can see the fantasy part of it, (especially how brutal some of the gay BDSM porn I have seen can be) but if I was actually in that situation I would freak out badly  That being said, I am all for strapons, and anything a guy can do to another guy, I would be ok with MBB doing it to me with a strap on.  It's also pretty hot when she teases me about making me be with a man.

The pics below are situations I think MBB would love to see me in...