Chastity and Orgasm Update - Squirting - A Request

With my recent vow of chastity, I was wondering how this year has stacked up against other years.

I'll start with chastity. 

Year to date - 75 days and a month still left in the year.
Last Year - 70 days
2015 - 36 days
2014 - 15 days

That means even if I stopped today, this would be the longest I've been in chastity in any year of my life.

Now we can go to the number of orgasms.  Up until I took orgasm control seriously about 10 years ago, I would cum at least once a day and likely more, so let's call it 300+ orgasms a year.  My how things have changed.

Year to date - 21 orgasms
Last Year - 31 orgasms
2015 - 37 orgasms
2014 - didn't track, but was on target for 48 orgasms
2013 - 34 orgasms
2012 - 14 in the last quarter alone.  Didn't track before that.

I love the idea of ending the year with over 100 days in chastity and 21 or 22 orgasms (less than 2 a month).  Then I love the idea of breaking the record next year.  300+ days in Chasity, 18 orgasms or less. 

I would really like to add a new page of Mistress' orgasms.  Having to log them all including the ones I am not a part of.  What a mind fuck.  Me getting 12-18 orgasms (if that) and Mistress have several hundred.  That idea make my head spin.

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When I was searching for images for my Hitachi post yesterday, I came across this one. 

Mistress and I both have a fantasy of me being tied down on the floor and Mistress up in a chair or on a bench.  She would either be using the fucking machine or another toy that makes her squirt.  I would be just under her getting soaked in her juices.  I'd like to add a gag that keeps my mouth open as well so I can drown in her juices, or better yet a funnel gag.  That inspired me to find these.

We have a box that would work perfectly for this

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Lastly, a request. 

According to my stats there are 50-100 people that read every post I make.  Would you please make a comment?  Anonymously is OK, if you want to maintain your privacy.  Make a comment, even if it's just to say 'hi'.  If you are inclined to do more, I would love to know what you like or don't like about my blog.  I would love to know what you would like me to post more of or less of.  My Mistress reads this blog as well, so any comments you make will be seen by her.  Maybe you can give her some ideas???

To all that read this blog, Thank You!

Orgasms for Mistress

Now that I truly believe that I can be locked in chastity 24/7/365, my mind has shifted a bit.  Instead of thinking about being released, I am actually spending a lot of time thinking about how I can make sure Mistress is satisfied even if I am locked up.

Of course, being locked up, should only affect me.  It's her cock, she has the key, she can do with it what she wants.  I do like the idea that it's locked up unless she is using her cock for her pleasure or for my torture.  But what if I can get her to warm to the idea of not unlocking me?  How can I keep her sexually satisfied.

First is my hands.  

I can easily make Mistress cum with my fingers.

  I can make her cum over and over until the sheets are soaked.  I can do this for as long as she likes and there is no way I will have an accident and cum too soon.  The best part is I can stay locked.

Next is my mouth.

Mistress isn't too big on me performing oral sex on her, which is a shame.  I like being so close to that part of her.  Although she is more ok if I use my fingers too.

Toys

When we first met, Mistress favorite toy was her glass dildo.  I haven't seen it in some time.

The Dildo Gag

I love the mind-fuck of being so close to Mistress and not being able to taste her.  Her scent going deep into the recesses of my brain to make me so desperate.

The Hitachi

Notice how it's all about her?

The fucking machine - Now this is the one idea that intrigues me the most with me being locked up.

I can totally envision having the fucking machine set up in our bedroom.  Mistress would have me set it up whenever she wanted to use it and clean it all up when she was down. It would sit in the corner of the room, taunting me about what I can't have.  I am going on a business trip tomorrow.  I love to think of Mistress home all by herself with the machine while I'm in chastity on the road.  I would come home to a pile of dirty towels and a machine that needs to be put in the corner.

Last is me wearing a strap on while I am locked up.  I get all of the simulation of sex with none of the stimulation.  Mistress gets multiple orgasms while I don't even get to the edge.

I absolutely love the idea of being a chaste, locked up slave whose sole purpose is to make Mistress orgasm over and over again.  The idea makes my head spin.  I am dying for the reality of it.    

  

   

Feminine Photo Shoot

I don't dream very often and when I do, it's very rarely sexual or D/s related.  Last night that was not the case.  Recently, Mistress and I had some professional photographs taken for work.  Mistress had makeup and hair done professionally and got started without me. I showed up while they finished with her solo pics and then I joined in for a bit.  Everything was very well done and professional.

Last night's dream was a variation on this experience.  When I showed up to get my pictures taken, the makeup girl said "oh great, you're here!  Put this on" and she handed me a white slip. 

Once I put the slip on she had me sit in her makeup chair.  She put a blonde wig on me and started doing my makeup.  She told me "I am going to go very, very heavy on the makeup, but it will still look very professional.  We just want you to feel the makeup so you can feel the shame."

While I was getting my makeup done Mistress was getting her pictures done, just like it happened in real life.  When I was done, the photographer had me get into a very sissy like outfit. 

The rest of the photo shoot was done very professionally.  Mistress wore her professional outfits and I wore something like the above picture.  Just like the picture above, my chastity device was visible.  The photographer had me lift my skirt to show it off for a couple pics.  For other pics, Mistress had me on a leash.  And a for few pics my arms were tied behind my back and my ankles tide together white I was sitting on a tall stool.  The dream was not at all sexual.  It was very erotically humiliating (in a good way) especially when Mistress kept telling me how good these pictures were going to look on the website.  Just recollecting this dream has my cock straining against my chastity device.  

   

Chastity Reality

Mistress hasn't said so, but seems to be more than willing to let me stay locked in chastity indefinitely.  This excites me more than it frightens me.  My head spins with the thought that I may never touch my cock again or know pleasure without it being approved by Mistress.  No more touching myself absentmindedly.  No more edging myself.  No more 'just a couple strokes'.  No more rubbing my cock into the sheets (that's not touching myself, right?). 

Most mornings I reach down and give my cock a feel.  I think it is instinct at this point.  At 5 in the morning a touch will usually give me a nice 'morning wood' hard on.  I would usually push down on my cock and feel it strain, and it would be a nice erotic feeling.  Some mornings I might do this longer than not.  Other mornings, if Mistress is already up, I might edge myself.  This morning this reality hit me.  I was coming out of my slumber and I reached down to feel my cock.  All I could feel is warm steel on my hands and my cock felt nothing whatsoever.  My head spun.  I am an official chastity slave.  My cock got hard just thinking about the control I have relinquished.  In my entire life I never thought I would get to this point, but here I am.  I am in heaven knowing Mistress has 100% control over my cock.

That being said I want to make sure Mistress knows that me being locked should not stop her from being pleased in any way she wants.  I have fingers, a mouth, a tongue and of course a cock for Mistress to use for her pleasure.  We also have many toys and a fucking machine.  There is no reason Mistress can't be 100% satisfied even while I go without.  In reality, me being locked in chastity doesn't have to limit my orgasms either.  It just means that anytime Mistress isn't using my cock, it's locked up.  I do love the idea of serving Mistress sexually as a true sex slave.   

I am going on a business trip soon.  Normally this would mean Mistress would let me out of chastity.  In some cases Mistress would give me a mind blowing orgasm prior to me leaving to make sure I am not horny on the road.  Other times she would give me orders to orgasm while I am on the road for the same purpose.  I am asking Mistress to keep me locked up on this trip.  I have imagined that I would switch into my CB-6000 on Sunday before heading to the airport.  I would put a ring in my piercing that requires a special tool to open.  I would secure the ring inside the device, so that I cannot pull out.  I would have to send Mistress a picture or two a day of me in my device or in some other compromising position.  I imagine taking my prostate massage toy to see if I am able to make myself come anally or video myself milking my prostate. That may be me asking for too much pleasure.

So that sums up my feelings of being locked 24/7/365.  I love falling deeper and deeper into submission.  I love my Mistress.         

 

Jealous

Over the last few years I have acquired a good selection of BDSM videos that are on my hard drive.  A good number of them were from when I was a member of the Kink.com family of websites.  Now my preference is Femdom videos, but I also saved a good portion of Male Dom, Female to Female, and even some transexual and gay BDSM porn as Mistress sometimes likes to watch those types of videos.

I don't watch these videos often.  Maybe if I or we are traveling, and very rarely at home.  Yesterday was one of those rare days.  I have a Roku video streamer and there is a channel on it that is connected these videos so we can watch them on any of our large screen TV's.  Mistress stepped out to get her nails done and run a couple errands. I was working from home doing some tedious online class for work, so I decided to have some entertainment playing in the background waiting for the online class to progress.  I went into the "all videos" section and decided on the letter P, hoping to find some predicament bondage.

I first watched a couple girls Domme a guy.  It was a lot of boring spanking and ass fucking, so I fast forwarded through much of the video until they made him cum and then made him eat his cum.

Then I watched a very short one where a guy was tied up in a jail cell.  The woman came in and stroked him to orgasm and then kept on stroking until he was begging her to stop.

The next one was a guy locked in chastity.  The only stimulation he gets is his Mistress kneads his balls until he has an orgasm.  After he cums she makes him fuck himself in the ass with a dildo to show his obedience after an orgasm.  That's devious.  

The next one I stumbled across was called Point of No Return.  It's from the Kink.com's Device Bondage.  Now this one is Male Dom which doesn't do it for me as much as Femdom does.  However in this case it did an awful lot for me.  Mainly because of how jealous I was of what this woman had to endure.  Just to be clear, most of what this woman goes through rides a fine line of being too much.  In every scene there are tears, screams, yelling in frustration, hopelessness, fear, pain, humiliation, exposure, degradation and for her, many, many orgasms. 

The first scene is my favorite, mainly because this one would be the easiest for us to duplicate at home.  The scene starts with the woman fully dressed and bent over in a stockade type restraint.  We have one of these in the basement, not exact, but close enough.  She is in heels, a dress, and panties.  I imagine she has been left in this position for some time, to wear her down both physically and mentally.  In this position she is to high to kneel and too low to get any relief for her lower back.  I am certain the heels are adding to her discomfort.  And now I am jealous wishing I could trade places.    

Picture of the stockade in our basement.  

The Dom comes in the room and fondles her for a bit to show her how helpless she really is.  He whips her enough to get her dancing in pain.  He then removes her panties and keeps whipping her.  Not too hard, but certainly not too soft.  After a bit he uses scissors to cut her dress off of her leaving her completely exposed.  Next come the clover style nipple clamps.  But he is extra mean and uses 3 sets of them.  While I would absolutely hate 3 sets, I am again jealous.  

After the clamps are on, he takes a string and ties it from the center of one pair of the nipple clamps and then has her bend her knees.  He then ties the ends of the string to each of her knees.

He then whips her a bit trying to get her to straighten her legs and pull the clamps off.  She resists and keeps her knees bent, so he steps it up.  He grabs a cattle prod and walks behind her.  She can't see it but she can hear it charging.  He tells her to straighten her legs.  She starts crying saying she can't.  He keeps telling her to do it, and gets more and more scared and frustrated.  Since she won't do it herself he tells her she is going to get shocked.  He makes her choose a leg.  

By now, her left leg is shaking uncontrollably.  I am sure there is some fear about it, but mostly being in this position for so long and not being able to change leg position.  Now at this point I am starting to feel real empathy for her.  I hate electricity.  I hate the thought of electric shock.  Even something mild compared to a cattle prod would have me reacting the same way she is reacting.  Electricity is one thing that puts true fear in my heart.  As much as it scares me and I would fight it, I am again jealous of this poor girl.

She eventually picks the right leg and he shocks her hard.  She jumps and one of the clamps gets pulled off of her nipples. She is in agony.  He backs off a bit and lets her regain her composure.  Her legs are still shaking while he strokes her skin.  After a short bit he starts back up and tells her she still needs to straighten her legs.  He tells her if she doesn't, she will get the left leg with the cattle prod.  Of course she begs him not to and he ignores her request.  He zaps her and she pulls the other clamp off.  He immediately puts a Hitachi on her pussy and in no time she has rebounded from the pain and fear.  As he rubs the hitachi on her pussy he takes off and puts back on the clamps, creating a pleasure/pain battle.  She is begging to cum, her legs are shaking, and I am certain her mind is an absolute mess.  What an amazing predicament bondage scenario.  All of that and I am super jealous of her.  

The next scene has her tied like this.

  

He puts suction devices on her nipple, pussy and clit until they are filled with blood and sensitive.  He uses a cane on her body as she screams in pain with tears in her eyes.  Then he gives her the Hitachi treatment again.  She is drooling all over herself while begging to cum.  Eventually he puts a clothespin zipper on her, from her armpits to her toes, while the Hitachi is buzzing her.  He makes her choose decide if she wants the zipper pulled before or after she comes.  She wisely chooses before.  As much as I would hate the zipper, I am jealous of her.

The last scene starts like like this.

She is tied to Sybian vibrating saddle.  She has a corset on. Her arms are bound behind her in a leather arm binder.  She has a very tight posture collar on around her neck.  Her hair is tied to the ceiling keeping her upright and from falling off.  Her feet are tied up and back so that she cannot use her legs to escape from the vibration.  For the next 30+ minutes he vibrates her pussy and clit while alternately whipping her, torturing her nipples and using a plastic sheet to cut off her air supply.  

Through all of this, she has countless orgasms.  Since he doesn't turn off the saddle, she goes from one orgasm to being too sensitive and into another orgasm again and again.  Not being able to have multiple orgasms makes me even more jealous.  All of this was fairly boring to watch, I had to fast forward through a lot of it, but I am certain it was not boring to have to endure.  You can see the look on her face several times as though she is in another world or having an out of body experience.  In the post scene interview he said he stopped the scene because he didn't think she would or could.  Hot!  

I imagine the next day she hurt from dead to toe.  Her feet from her shoes and from being whipped.  Her legs from trying to endure so many strenuous positions.  Her back from being bent over.  Her nipples from being clamped and whipped.  Her pussy and clit from all of the orgasms and vibrations. I also bet every time she thinks of this event she will get very wet and aroused.

Having to endure even one of these scenes let alone 3 on top of each other seems very difficult.  I am extremely turned on imagining myself having to go through something similar and so intense.  Being pushed in such a way that I would seriously consider using my safe-word (during electricity) and either not using it or not being allowed to have one.  Riding the line between torture and ecstasy would be such a mind fuck.  My cock strains against my device just thinking about it.  That made me pretty jealous of this woman and many like her.  

  

Yearning for things that used to have issues with.

When I was writing yesterday's post about playing with chastity for 18 years, I came to a realization.  For so many years I hated chastity unless it was 100% tied to a D/s scene.  I would be into it if I thought I was going to get tied up or if there was some teasing involved, etc.  Any time those things would drop off, or life would get in the way or even worse, I would would get in an argument with my Mistress, I would instantly hate chastity.

That has changed for me over the last few years.  Now I accept this is who I am.  Do I prefer to have chastity tied to something?  Sure.  Does it suck to be locked up and not have anything kinky going on in our lives?  Absolutely.  Being locked is now a part of me.  Not because I like the device, but because I like what it symbolizes, my surrender to being fully controlled by my Mistress.

There is nothing hotter than to know that not only is my next orgasm fully dependent on Mistress, but so is any sensation my cock gets.  Surrendering my cock and forgetting about what is in it for me is a true mind-fuck.  Knowing that life can interrupt us and I will likely stay locked makes me feel so owned.  I now see myself begging to stay locked, where just a few years ago, I would go out of my way to avoid being locked up.  That is a real change.

I have also realized how far I have come regarding feminization.  Every since I was 7 or 8, I had a thing for women's clothes.  Not so much wearing them, but admiring them to a point of wanting to see how they felt.  At around 10 or 12 years old my sister caught me trying on a pair of my mom's pantyhose.  She yelled out loud what I was doing and my parents heard.  I was made fun of.  Not in a mean way, but in the way a family pokes fun at each other.  I of course denied it and ever since then have been challenged by the shame that comes with having a fetish like this.

Through out my teenage years I would borrower an item from my mom's drawer or the drawer of a friends sister.  I would wear whatever item it was, masturbate and shame would wash over me as soon as I came.  I would return or throw away the item and swear to never do anything like that again.

When I started living by myself I was able to acquire a few items and would hide them in a drawer.  I would use them occasionally and hide them away.  At some point I would go a little more extreme and when I did, the shame would come back and then the purge.

I dated during these times and in my longer relationships, I would share this part of me.  For the most part it was tolerated in the bedroom and with a sexual connotation.  When any of those relationships would end, I would be horrified that my secret was out and I would purge the acquired feminine items yet again.  I generally would only partake in this part of me 1-2 times a year on average.

In my first marriage my wife was more supportive of this part of me, but it was always used in a D/s way.  I was treated in a slutty, trashy way.  Heavy makeup, forced exhibitionism, and verbal humiliation were the primary drivers.  I don't mean that in a negative way, it was fun.  There is definitely something about that kind of play that gets a guy like me going.

That relationship ended and I half purged.  Kink was used as an excuse by my ex to end the relationship.  I knew I wasn't going to change, but I also wanted to separate myself from the kink that was being used to end my marriage.  I put almost everything in storage.

That brings me to my current Mistress.  Shortly after meeting Mistress we knew each other pretty well on a sexual level.  I was too old to not be upfront about my proclivities, and confided in her most of my kinks.  The feminization part of me took a bit longer to reveal to her, and when I did, her eyes kind of lit up.  She had me get me feminine things out of storage.  She made me try on every item and show her how I looked.  She made me get rid of any of the items that were not flattering or classy enough for her.  She wanted me to look good and to feel good about dressing up.  That first year, Mistress really helped me accept that this is a part of me.  We had some amazing scenes with me fully feminized and I no longer had the shame after an orgasm.  So now that I accept and yearn to explore more and more of my feminine side, the idea of being treated like a whore adds an element of erotic humiliation.

Over the last few years, Mistress has helped me grow my wardrobe.  I am now comfortable for the most part dressing up.  I am not yet to a point where I would dress on my own on a daily basis without it being some sort of an order with consequences for disobeying.  The societal taboo of being dressed as a woman is still strong in me after all of these years.  I still need some sort of coercion.

In closing I am amazed at how much Mistress has helped me grow in my submission.  It's all because she is the best woman I have ever known.  She has helped me accept who I am.  She has loved me and encouraged me through my insecurities about being a submissive guy with feminization fantasies.  She has made things I would never consider (24/7 chastity, wearing perfume daily, shaving my armpits, etc.) a part of my daily life.  There is no way I could ever go back, even if I wanted to.  I am so in love with my Mistress.

                

Chastity Thoughts

Yesterday I confessed to touching myself and even edging myself without permission.  Mistress didn't say a word about yesterdays post or my confession, but she did take the keys from my chastity device and hid them. When I started touching myself, I had zero plans on confessing.  I don't do it often, especially lately, but I do it once in a while, more when I am ramped up like I am now.  No harm, no foul, right?  For years I have believed that if I touched and didn't cum, I wasn't really doing anything wrong.     

Now I look at it a little differently.  I can't be tied up 24/7, although that sounds amazing.  I can't go out to work in bondage or in feminine clothes.  I have asked Mistress to control me in as many ways as she is willing to.  I have to ask permission to go out.  I wear perfume and women's deodorant.  I shave my body clean and smooth of all hair.  My toenails are often painted.  I often wear a collar.  I sometimes dress feminine at home.  I frequently wear a nighty to bed.  Mistress can tie me up any time she wishes.  She can beat and bruise me (I do love wearing the bruises she gives me).  She can lock me in a cage in a room by myself for hours on end.  All of these things are ways she can control, me.  The more things she does to me, the more I am under her spell.  I love the idea of having more and more control taken from me and to be as slave like as possible.  

That brings me back to chastity.  Mistress controls my orgasms.  Most of this I already do by myself on the honor system.  Fewer orgasms for me keeps me in a submissive and subservient state of mind.  However the only way for her to control my orgasms and me touching myself 100% is with chastity.  Chastity is 24/7 bondage.  Chastity is the ultimate form of day-to-day control.  We can go about our hectic life and chastity is still there, fucking with my mind, in a good way.

Since I have found a couple devices that I can wear for several days comfortably, I am now of the mindset that I can be in chastity full time without a break.  I may need to swap devices out, but I can be locked up completely.  

With this mindset, I was looking at adding a couple devices to my 'wardrobe'.  When I started with chastity 18 years ago, the cheapest devices were over $100.  I bought one device that was so expensive, looking back I am embarrassed to say how much I spent.  These days, there are so many devices out there and almost all of the designs out there have knock-off versions that are under $50 and in many cases under $25.

The one I am wearing now is my current favorite.  It was $21.  

In addition to being comfortable it's also very secure.  My piercing holds it in place, but sometimes it tugs and irritates my piercing.  When it does, I swap over to my CB-6000.

   

It's not as secure as the steel device, I can sometimes pull out of the device in the bath tub, even thought it's still locked to my balls.  Although it's not ideal, it does give my piercing a break.  Other than the security issue, it causes my balls to try out due to friction from being held out and down.  

That has me looking for another device to swap into to keep me locked but comfortable.  

 

This device is a knock-off of the device I thought was going to be the best one ever.  Unfortunately I am allergic to the plastic from that manufacturer.  This device is only $28, which is about 85% less than I paid for the device I am allergic to.  I can tell this one uses a different plastic.  As you can see in the picture, this one has a spiked ring for short-term punishment.  It also comes with a smooth one for long term wear.  

Here is another device that is getting surprising good reviews.

It's super short.  It's about 1.5 inches long and that .5 is the ring itself.  It's so small and tight that nothing shifts so that nothing needs to be constantly adjusted.  I can add a PA lock to keep it secure if pulling out is an issue.    

Being locked 24/7/365 doesn't mean Mistress needs to go without.  She can easily unlock me and lock me back up immediately afterward.  She can use my mouth and fingers.  I can learn how satisfying it is to provide total pleasure to Mistress without regard to my own sexual release   By doing this, I can easily imagine that for the rest of my life I will never know what my own cock feels like unlocked without Mistress around.  That is control.

 

          

An orgasm hasn't helped

Tuesday morning I was released from chastity after 5 days for a Dr's appointment.  Mistress and I had sex on Wednesday morning.  It was the first time we had sex in 26 days and therefore my first orgasm in nearly a month.  I am certain Mistress didn't wait 26 days for her orgasm.  I am sure she has had many which is a very hot idea of her cumming so many times while I don't.

Prior to being locked in chastity I had been going through a very difficult patch emotionally about work.  When Mistress locked me up, an amazing thing happened.  All of that negative destructive energy got redirected into my libido, my sexuality and my submissiveness.  I was very horny and very such wanting to be under Mistress' firm control.

When we were having sex on Wednesday morning I was able to give Mistress an orgasm before I got to the edge myself.  Her pussy felt so amazing on my cock.  Mistress told me to cum.  I begged to not cum, as I didn't want to lose this horny neediness that I had back to disappear.  As much as I wanted to stay orgasm free, my cock really needed the stimulation.  I asked Mistress for permission to cum and in a few strokes was able to fill her up with my cum.  She was kind and didn't require me to clean her up with my tongue.  We got out of bed and spent the rest of the day decorating the house for Christmas and getting ready for Thanksgiving.

Yesterday morning I tried to get a sexual repeat of the previous day.  The orgasm I had Wednesday did absolutely nothing to reduce my horniness.  In fact, I was even more horny.  The chastity and the orgasm reminded me of my place.  My submissive soul was released from the anxiety I had been experiencing for so long.  I believe that D/s has some therapeutic powers for guys wired like me and this seems to be one of those cases.  I was horny and ornery with Mistress most of Thursday morning.  Mistress was annoyed enough that she told me she would have locked me in the cage if she didn't need my help.  I commented, that maybe that was the reason I was being snarky.  She couldn't do much about it.  I spent the rest of the morning following orders and helping Mistress get ready for Thanksgiving.

At bedtime last night my libido was back on 10.  I tried to initiate a bit, but Mistress was tired and didn't let me get too far with my initiation.  That didn't stop my libido.  As I drifted off to sleep I realized Mistress and I had the next full 3 days and nights all to ourselves.  We had nowhere to be, and nothing to do.  My submissive mind quickly started coming up with ideas.  

A couple paragraphs below this one I am going to describe in detail my 3 day fantasies.  I am writing this to communicate and to get it out of my head.  However these descriptions could also be considered me being a pushy bottom.  Below the row of asteriks are my descriptions.  If you believe this communication is me pushing form the bottom, please don't proceed.

Lastly, I have been bad.  At bed time I was so horny I thought about sneaking off to rub one out.  I didn't.  When I woke up at midnight to go to the bathroom, I was awake for about an hour and a half with thoughts running through my mind.  I touched myself The first time I stroked my cock just to get it hard.  When it got soft, I did it a 2nd time.  When it got soft I did it a 3rd time, but before stopping I took two fingers and rubbed the most sensitive part of my cock like a girl would rub her clit.  I managed to edge 3 times before stopping long enough to fall asleep.  When I woke up at 5am, I had a hard-on and proceeded to squeeze it and push it around as it felt so good.  When I got out of bed I had already planned on writing this post.  I knew I would be aroused and had already demonstrated a lock of self control, so I locked myself back up in chastity and left the keys on Mistress' vanity.   Apparently the orgasm I had made me hornier.

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Fantasy #1 - The Prisoner.  This fantasy involves me spending a full 3 days in much the same way a prisoner in jail would spend their time.  Mistress would have me prep everything in advance.  I imagine being put in very plain clothes, like sweats or plain pajamas.  Mistress would take me to our spare bedroom in the basement.  I would already be locked in chastity.  Upon arriving I would see a long length of chain coming from the bathroom in the bedroom.  It would reach to one side of the bed.  Mistress would lock the chain to my ankle to keep me from leaving the room.  She would leave me there for the next 3 days.  Visiting me only to feed me very plain meals.  I would have no phone, no TV, no computer.  It wouldn't be fun, but the loss of control would be so intense for me.  I wonder if I would try to use my safe-word?  She could also change it up.  Lock me up as before, but put me on 'work release' several times throughout the day.  I would be released from my cell only to be shackled to make her meals, be given chores, made to clean the bathrooms, etc.  I might be sent to the wardens office and used sexually before being returned my my cell.  Insubordination or doing a poor job cleaning would be dealt with harshly.  Time in the 'hole' (aka the cage) or the straight jacket overnight.  There are many hot prisoner scenarios online, but the ones over many days are very hot to me.  3 days seems to fit the bill perfectly.

Fantasy #2 - Sissy, Slave, Slut weekend.  I imagine going upstairs as soon as Mistress wakes up.  I would draw a hot bath and shave every hair off of my body, including my facial hair.  When I got done, I would lock up in chastity and I would plug my sissy hole with a butt plug.  I would then paint my toenails and fingernails in a color or colors picked out by Mistress.  While waiting for my polish to dry I would put on mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow, etc.  It's been a couple years since I have worn makeup, so I might need some help.  I would then dress in an outfit picked out by Mistress but most certainly something elaborate including stockings, bra inserts, corsets, etc..  Over the course of the next 3 days and nights I would live as Mistress female slave.  I would be expected to do chores in any outfit she chooses.  I would bathe Mistress. I would shave Mistress.  I would dress Mistress.  I would give her foot massages or full body massages.  I would service her sexually in any way she desires.  My cock would be locked away the entire time.  My ass would have something in it every waking hour and possibly 24/7 if I can endure it.  I would spend incredible amounts of time with my tongue between her legs.  I would be using my fingers, toys, or the dildo gag to give Mistress orgasms all weekend.  I would spend hours sucking on a strap-on either attached to Mistress' hips or attached to something else if she didn't want to wear it.  I would have to put on a fashion show.  Ever time I would see my nail polished hands I would be reminded of how feminine I have become with Mistress' encouragement and assistance.  Every bit of maleness would be swept aside.  Lastly at some point over the 3 days she would take me out of the house fully dressed.  We'd take her car as her windows aren't tinted.  We might even drop me off in one corner of a parking lot and make me walk to the other side.

                                    

Some other ideas I had, but without descriptions.  Collar, multiple predicament bondage scenarios I could pre-setup, panty water, shocking dog collar, gay/trans video torture, self prostate milking, online cam, e-stim, sleeping in bondage, frozen fluids, fucking machine, molly, Walmart humiliation, interrogation, bachelor games, iphone counter game, deepthroat, remote control, forced multiple orgasms, 

Spiraling Fast

I am amazed at how being locked in chastity can affect me so quickly and thoroughly.  Juts a few days ago I was super stressed and somewhat depressed about my professional life.  Sex, D/s, FemDom, Female Led Relationship, etc. have not been on my radar for a couple weeks.  I have felt almost asexual.

Add the helplessness of a chastity device and I am back with a vengeance.  I cannot shut off my mind.  I have replaced almost all of the negativity of the past few weeks with very sexual, submissive and libido enhancing thoughts and fantasies.  Every time I wake up in the middle of the night, I am thinking of some sort of debaucherous activity instead of worrying about work.

My first instinct is to write a big long list of all the things I am thinking, but I am not going to do that. I have a Tumblr page that I have made a bunch of posts to that really speak to me and keeps me from being a pushy bottom on this post.

That being said, I will post one picture as that seems to get me more page views.

 

 

   

   

Life in the way

It's been over a month since I last posted.  Life (and stress) have been way too prominent in my life lately.  I have barely had any erotic thoughts and really have put my libido on the back burner.

That has changed recently.  Mistress put me back in chastity to coincide with her period.  I have had more erotic thoughts in the last 72 hours than I have had in the last 3 weeks. There is something about having a locked cock that makes me focus on my cock.

This morning I woke up terribly horny.  I know part of it is the dream I had last night.  In this dream, Mistress and I were watching TV in our living room like we normally do.  However we had a slave girl tied and kneeling on our hardwood floors.  Much like the picture below.  In my dream her legs are belted in the same way, so she must kneel without relief.  Her arms are tied behind her back (no straps) and she is wearing a ring gag.  We make her kneel for an hour while we watch TV and she drools all over her body while we ignore her.

I don't have dreams I remember very often and I certainly don't have sexual dreams very much.  I don't know if the dream means anything, but I am jealous of the girl in my dream.  I love the humiliating idea of being tied naked and being forced to drool on myself while Mistress ignores me.

When I woke up this morning I put in some warm and casual feminine clothes.  I wish I had the guts to fully dress today, but it's been some time and I just couldn't do it.

Lastly, Mistress and I went to a party last night and we stayed out way later than normal.  I am nursing a hangover which makes me go to my "happy place" which means my nastiest fantasies are running through my head like crazy. It's a darn good thing I am locked up or I would be edging myself.  I read this story this morning and it made my cock throb so hard in my cock cage.  

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2017/11/husband-made-to-take-breast.html

Not all of it turns me on, but being forced to do some things I would rather not do, turns me on.

So here I sit, all worked up, with my mind running a hundred miles an hour while I am locked up.  It's good to feel this way again.

A quick update

My focus has been heavy on work the last few days.  I am pulling back the frequency of my posts because of this.  Mistress hasn't required me to dress up this week, which I am missing more than I expected to.  I am dressing up when I work out as I only have feminine clothes in our basement gym. I am still locked in chastity and wearing a nighty at night.  I have now been locked up for over 2 weeks and it's been over 3 weeks since my cock had ANY stimulation.  My chastity device is now getting comfortable and is becoming a part of me, so maybe that means it's time to swap it out with a different one?  My balls are so full and my mind continues to go to dark and humiliating places.  The things I would do right now make me blush.

While I am in an absolutely submissive and feminine place, I can't get out of my mind a few recent blog posts I read early last week.  The blog is http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com and she is the woman that beats her man on a very regular basis as well as dominating and humiliating him in front of and with other women.  Her stores frighten and excite me.  Recently she posted her need to switch and submit to her husband and she followed up with that experience.  While my preference is a submissive one, I am pretty darn creative and would get a huge rush from dominating Mistress.  I have not been allowed to dominate her for many years now.  Unfortunately.

Here are the relevant posts.  They are good reading and should arouse anyone, dominant or submissive.

Letter to my Husband

Letter Delivered

Collared and Flogged

My Beating is Tomorrow!!!

Wife Beaten!

Ordeal in the cage

Shortly after finishing yesterday's blog post Mistress came downstairs around 7:30 am.  I made her coffee and she asked me what time the store opened.  I told her 10 am.  She said it was time for me to be caged and for me to get ready.

I went upstairs and inserted my butt plug.  I came back down stairs and then headed to the basement.  Mistress was to follow.  I grabbed the straight jacket from the toy closet under the stairs and headed into the room that had the cage.  I undressed.  As I was removing my bra and inserts I was wondering how they would feel under the straight jacket.  I sat on the floor and put on my 8-inch ballet heels.  They lace and have an ankle strap.  I put my feet through the loops that go between the legs to keep the jacket from being raised.  Once I was in, I arranged those straps against the butt plug and proceeded to put my arms in the jacket.  Mistress buckled the main straps and left the arm straps undone so I could climb in the cage.  Once in the cage she pulled the arm straps crossing my arms in front of me and tightly buckled it down.  I was left kneeling in the cage when Mistress latched it behind me.  She agreed that she didn't need to lock it as I was completely helpless.  She very unceremoniously turned of the lights and left the room. 

I sat on my knees for a few minutes until I realized I needed a more comfortable position.  I put my head on the ground and rolled onto my side with a thud.  After much more struggling I was able to get on my back.  I was stuck.  I spent close to the next 2 hours trying to find comfortable positions.  Once I found a relatively comfortable position it was only comfortable for about 10 minutes before pressure points would start hurting.  I also had to avoin laying my head on the bars of the cage.  I knew they went put impressions on my skull and we had to run errands when I got released. 

I repeated a phrase out loud several times about not talking back or talking down to Mistress.  I imagined having to repeat it for the entire time I was in the cage out loud.  We had a baby monitor outside of the cage so Mistress could easily require some such rule in the future.  I also tried to take a nap.  My mind was racing too much for that to happen.  I imagined putting the baby monitor on top of the cage with a rule that I am not allowed to shut my eyes. 

I also had many, many fantasies.  In the spirit of keeping from being a pushy bottom, I will generalize them here and not go into detail.  I fantasized about how to make the cage time even more uncomfortable or miserable.  I thought about Mistress making be do or say things things before I was released.  I also though about non-cage related things.  The longer I was in the cage, the darker and more depraved my thoughts became. 

At one point I was able to wiggle and shift my arms low enough to grab the the lock on my chastity device.  I was able to push and pull on the lock enough to get some friction on my cock.  I wondered if Mistress was seeing me do this through the baby monitor and whether I should stop or not.  After 60 seconds or so, my cock got hard enough that the friction stopped and my hand was cramping at the same time due to how hard I had to struggle to do this.  That experiment was fruitless.

The butt plug.  Wow.  The straps that go between the legs really pushed up against the butt plug.  Every time I moved to find a more comfortable position, the butt plug was reminding me of my situation.  It was pressed so tightly that even breathing made me feel it in my ass.  When I would sigh, the plugged pressed even further.  It was pressed so tightly inside me that when I would try to flex my sphincter it didn't move.   My ass felt thoroughly used by the time I was released. 

I have been locked in the cage 3 or 4 times before this.  This time was the worst by far.  It's the first time that the time in the cage seemed to be more than the actual time.  Mistress let me out 5-10 minutes early of the 2 hour mark and I was thinking she left me in for 30-60 minutes longer.  This was by far the most helpless I have ever felt.  She could have just as easily left me on the floor and I would have been just as helpless.  The cage just made it hurt more.  I have come to the realization that the cage is not something to joke about.  Just because she hasn't 'broken' me with the cage yet, doesn't mean she can't.  I don't think I want to try.

When she finally did release me I was in complete drunken subspace.  I could barely move to assist my own release.  Mistress had to take off the ballet shoes and come partially in the cage to release my arms so that I could get out.  She left the room as unemotionally as she started my ordeal.

Looking back on it this experience was very hot to me.  Not in a sexual way.  The cage sucked.  There was no intimacy with it.  There was no emotion with it.  It was a punishment and nothing more or less.  It was not erotic although I tried to make it that way.  It was detached.  The reason it was hot was because Mistress controlled me completely.  She was cruel.  She was emotionless.  She didn't give the appearance to care how I did with it.  The realization that she could be cruel or crueler to me is what made it hot.

The rest of the day was uneventful as far as D/s is concerned, although I was certainly worked up as much as I ever have been.

This morning Mistress and I snuggled a bit.  I was tracing my fingers on Mistress legs and butt.  I was about to get out of bed and Mistress reached out with her foot.  I stayed in bed for a bit longer.  I continued to trace my fingers along her legs, ankles and feet.  I would trace along her leg where it meets her ass.  I traced her hip area and her stomach.  I traced her arms and neck.  I purposely avoided sexual areas for quite some time.  I teased her chest and she didn't stop me from teasing her breasts and nipples.  I took that as a good sign.  I traced my way back down her body to her pussy.  She let me proceed.  I rubbed her clit for a bit.  Mistress generally doesn't let me rub her clit long as she enjoys penetration much more.  Because of this I teases the opening to Mistress' pussy.  She was nicely wet. I teased her some more and the I inserted my finger a bit more.  Mistress commanded me back to her clit, I was surprised.  I re-positioned myself on my knees and continued to rub her clit.  I nuzzled my face against her neck.  Mistress reached over and rubbed my balls.  She commented on how full they were.  I assured her that it was her cruelty that was keeping me so aroused.  In very quick order Mistress came and she stopped me.  I tried force myself on her until she made it clear I was crossing a line.  I backed off to avoid cage time.  I imagined this becoming a daily ritual.  Waking Mistress up at a set time with my fingers and if she allows with an orgasm for her.  If I am out of bed already, a text message summoning me for her morning pleasure or to deliver coffee to her upstairs. 

Mistress told me to get dressed and make her coffee.  I asked what I should wear today as it was a home office kind of day.  She said "whatever you want".  I asked for clarification and she said I didn't have to dress feminine.  I was bummed, but decided I could still dress feminine today since it was my choice.  I couldn't dress that way right away or I wouldn't have time to make Mistress' coffee so I ran downstairs my nighty to make her coffee. 

I then went upstairs to get dressed.  I sprayed on my perfume.  I went to my panty drawer and picked out a pair of panties.  I then went to my feminine closet.  I picked out a red dress but decided against it as I didn't want bra straps showing.  I put it back and grabbed a black and white dress to wear.  As I picked up a bra to wear, I got insecure.  I can't get dressed up if Mistress doesn't want me to.  Mistress has gotten me over 99% of my macho insecurity, but apparently I still need a bit of encouragement or even better, coercion.  I put the bra back down, took off my panties and instead put on some male casual clothes.

In closing, the cage was miserable, but at the same time I was in heaven. Heaven because Mistress owned me and controlled me 100% at that time.  I was completely helpless, at her mercy and wanting to serve her even more.  That's the way it should be.                     

Upcoming punishment

Yesterday I had to work for a few hours.  When I got to work I realized I had forgotten some things I needed.  I texted Mistress and she offered to bring me my missing items.  When she got to where I was working, I met her at her car so she didn't have to come in.  I had intended Mistress to bring a stack of brochures and she brought 2.  However she was right, I didn't specify.  I was frustrated and spoke in a way that I shouldn't have to her.  When she left I realized the missing brochures were not a big deal as she brought me enough other items that I could use.  I texted to apologize and we talked about needing to improve my organizational skills.  Then she texted me this and you can see my reply.

         

I hate to admit it but I got an immediate hard on.  That being said I truly dislike the cage.  It's not a painful punishment, but it's uncomfortable  It's boring.  It's tedious and makes me reflect. A lot.  There are worse punishments, but this one is very easy for Mistress to administer.  

We got through the rest of the day, but a few times I tried to hit on Mistress she told me "no" and that I was forbidden to touch her or be intimate with her.    

At bedtime we got into bed.  Mistress told me I would be caged on Sunday at some point.  She also added that I would be be wearing my butt plug, my chastity device, a straight jacket and my 8-inch ballet shoes.  I got a hard-on.  Not because of the items she mentioned, but because the intends this to be more difficult than I thought she would.  I then said to her with a snarky tone "is that all?"  For some stupid reason I was trying to poke the bear.  

Then Mistress asked if I could be trusted to not wear my chastity device overnight and into the morning.  I then continued to be snarky with her by saying "I guess we will have to see".  She said if she suspected that I touched myself I would spend the entire day in the cage.  I said something to the effect of "if I tell you that is", and then I told her I would be fine.  She could trust me.  Within 10 seconds I knew that wasn't 100% true.  I am in such a state of mind right now, I can't even trust myself.  Especially when I am unsupervised from the time I wake up until I go to work.  The level of my horniness and submissiveness means I cannot be trusted.  I told Mistress that I indeed can't be trusted and that I would lock myself back up immediately.  After forcing my hard cock back into my CB-6000 device I left the key on Mistress' nightstand so that I wouldn't be tempted to mess with it in the morning.

I fell asleep until I had to use the restroom at around 2:30 AM.  As I crawled back into bed I contemplated the next day.  At some point in the day Mistress will likely ask if I am ready for my punishment.  I will say yes.  She will tell me to go plug myself and meet her down stairs in the basement.  I will arrive in the basement and will see things set up.  Mistress will have me remove my clothes.  I will have to sit on floor to put on the 8-inch ballet heels.  These make it so that I cannot stand or walk and that I must crawl.  These shows alone cripple me.  I will then lie back and slide the straight jacket straps over my ankles and then I will kneel so I can put my arms in it and raise it over my shoulders.  Mistress can then strap me tightly into it.  Getting into the cage will be awkward as I can't use my hands.  I have to use my face on the ground to crawl in.  Once in, Mistress will close the door, but with my hands in the jacket and my feet in the shoes, a lock is just redundant at this point. I will be here until she decides to release me.  

Then for at least 2 hours I will be left to lie there and contemplate.  I have been in the cage in the straight jacket once before, but then I was barefoot.  I was able to use my toes to grab the bars of the cage and move myself a bit to get comfortable.  I won't be able to do that today as I will be in those ballet heels.  The heels also have the effect of making the cage 8 inches shorter.  Add to that the straps of the straight jacket that go between the legs push the butt plug much deeper in my ass.  

So for at least 2 hours I will be lying there thinking of how I acted toward Mistress and my overall situation.  I will be fantasizing that Mistress is upstairs masturbating, so turned on by my situation, that she has to cum.  In all likely-hood she will be watching TV.  

I will also be counting my blessings that I have such a Mistress.  One that will not only tolerate my kinks, but one that will help me grow and train me the way we both know I need.  To punish me when I deserve it, which frankly I deserve more often.  It takes a very special woman to be able to be mean and cruel to a man she loves, but that it exactly what I need in my life.  I just need to be sure to be as sweet and kind and gentle with her, as that is what she needs.  

I am a very lucky man to have a firm and strict Mistress.

      

Self Control?

Yesterday I switched my chastity device out for one that has given me some skin irritation in the past.  I was hopeful that I was no longer allergic to the plastic used in the device as it is easily the best designed one I own.

Unfortunately I had a reaction.  I was going to put on another device but Mistress told me to give my cock a break, but no touching.  Bummer.

I realize how accustomed to being locked in chastity I have become.  That got me to thinking.  I have played with chastity for 17-18 years.  I loved the idea, but I hated it in practice, especially in my previous realtionship.  Mistress has made it so that I not only accept it, but that I yearn for it.  The same goes for cross dressing.  It's always been a fetish I had that I would indulge in 1-4 times a year and usually with great shame.  Clothes I had acquired would get thrown out after an orgasm and the insecurity that followed.  I would buy the cheapest clothes possible and looked terrible.  Mistress embraced my fetish, encouraged it, bought me nice things and made me invest in classy items.  I've worn a nighty nearly every night for years, including vacations.  We've made love with me dressed and I feel like her girlfriend when I am dressed.  Because of that I am much more comfortable in women's clothes and dare I say, I yearn for it.  So much that I now miss not wearing my heels, bra, inserts and other clothes.  I am also being conditioned to enjoy my ass being full.  I contemplated on whether my ass is to be plugged this morning as I was instructed to be plugged 'this week'.  I decided to not be a pushy bottom and express my confusion and look for further direction.  If I am to be plugged I can do it later today.

I was ready to spout off on all the other things I can imagine being conditioned to, but decided that is pushy bottom behavior and no longer allowed.

As I sit here writing,  I am wearing a yoga outfit that Mistress bought me a few years ago.  It's super comfortable and great for chilly mornings like today.  Normally I would just wear this, but with my level of horniness and my newfound affection for a bra and inserts, I am wearing a floral pattern bra with my extra large inserts.

Lastly, I am currently unlocked.  When I woke up I have every intention of locking myself up before heading downstairs.  As horny as I am I don't trust myself to not touch myself.  As I started to place the device on my cock I determined I should be able to obey Mistress without a device for at least a few hours.  I will try.  I so want to lean back in my office chair and stroke my cock and edge myself a few times with my mind running wild.  Or even just rubbing my cock through my yoga pants and panties like a girl.  Technically that's not touching myself, right? Not only have I not spilled a drop of cum in 2.5 weeks, I haven't even been close to the edge in that amount of time.  My cock is straining against my panties as I write this and consider my predicament.  Let's see how much self control I have until I am locked back up.