Showing posts with label Power Exchange. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Power Exchange. Show all posts

Monday, January 1, 2018

The year in review

2017 was tough for me professionally and financially, but on the D/s side of things I was very fortunate.  As I was waking up this morning with Mistress cock straining against its chastity cage, I realized my kinky side had a lot to be thankful for.  Here is a rundown of my submissive 2017.

  • I had only 21 orgasms in 2017.  This is a new record for me.  18-20 years ago when I traveled for a loving I came at least 2-3 times a day if not 4-5.  I would estimate I have 900-1000 orgasms per year back in my younger more sexually selfish days.
  • I had zero orgasms in February, July and December.
  • I had only one orgasm in March, September, and November.
  • In May I had 6 orgasms or more than 25% of the whole year.
  • I set a new record of 72 days straight with no orgasm.
  •  I spent 103 days in chastity.  That beats my previous best year by more than a month.  That is far more than any year in my life.  It is also a great starting point to try for 365 days in 2018.

  • I just no realized that I am now in the longest period of continuous chastity in my life at 37 days and counting.  My previous record was 28 days, 2 years ago around this same time of year.  I am very excited to find that out.
  •  I was dressed in feminine attire more in 2017 than all of my previous years combined.  Not only was I dressed more, I wore perfume more, I wore heels more, I wore bras more, and I stayed dressed for entire days, not just a couple of hours.  2017 was not a record year for nighty wearing however.

  • I embraced my feminine side.
  • I embraced wearing a chastity device.
  • I spent more hours locked in a cage than I ever have.  This is not pleasure at all, so accepting it has been good for my submissive development.

  • Mistress has started using me for her sexual pleasure while not concerning herself with my pleasure.
In so many ways 2017 was a banner year for me in my submissive mind.  I am very fortunate to have a Mistress that accepts me for who I am and wants to help push me further.  So that being said, here are my submissive goals for 2018
  • My #1 goal is to break my nasty attitude and demeaning manner when communicating with Mistress.  This part of me is the only part of my father I have in me.  It's part of who I am unfortunately.  It doesn't mean it can't be corrected.  I cannot break it by myself, so I have requested Mistress to do whatever it takes to help me make it go away.  We are coming up with a plan to help me, but I want to reassure her that she can do whatever it takes to break me of this nastiness. I need to fear the consequences.
  • Fewer orgasms.  I think something in the 2-6 range would be good, although an entire year without one sounds very exciting.
  • 365 days of chastity.  I don't know if this is possible, but it is something I am serious about making happen.
  • Being collared 365 days.  This morning I locked my collar back on.  I will have a plan for being able to travel with my collar on as well.

  • I would like to be dressed feminine much more, but it's been so long since I have been fully dressed than I am insecure about it and need Mistress to coerce me a bit.  It's not just dress either, just something to keep enforcing my feminine side.
  • Becoming more of a servant to Mistress.  From serving her wine, to helping her bathe, I want to truly serve her like a servant in ancient Egypt would serve his Mistress.
  • Being used by Mistress for sexual pleasure much more.
  • Starting to play in some darker areas.  Exploring things like temporary banishment, public feminization, forced-bi, and cuckolding.  These last 2 are not something I want for real, but I do think being verbally taunted and threatened with them are kind of hot.  I love a good mind-fuck.
  • Now that Mistress and I both work from home, Mistress can fully control me in ways she couldn't working from an office.
  • To be more owned then ever before and for Mistress to be more pleased than ever before.   
In closing, I want to wish everyone a Happy New year and a prosperous 2018.  I'd also like to thank Mistress for a record breaking 2017!

  

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Behavior Modification

The other night I had a dream about our D/s lifestyle.  I was going to write about it yesterday, but by the time I got home my libido was worn off and I didn't have the guts to do it.  This morning, I am in an extra state of horniness and my perfume has amplified it, so now I an recount my dream.

In my dream Mistress has me sitting on the floor in front of our couch.  I don't know if I am sitting or if I am keeling.  Mistress alternates between walking around me lecturing me and sitting on the couch looking me in the eyes.

She says something to the effect of "you need more control in your life and I am going to give it to you.  I am going to use my position over you to change your behavior.  I am going to start with 3 behavior modifications, but don't worry, it will be many more than that very soon."

She continues, "the first thing we are going to change is your foul mouth.  Starting now you are forbidden from swearing.  I don't really care whether you swear or not, but this is about control.  I want you thinking at all times to be careful what comes out of your mouth.  Anytime you swear, you will be punished.  If you swear and use a derogatory word for a woman, you will be punished in a much more extreme fashion.  Male slaves don't get to call women names."  Apparently me being called out by Mistress for calling a bad woman driver a twat got into my dreams.


She continued with her speech.  "The 2nd behavior we are going to change is your driving.  I am no longer going to beg and plead with you to drive in a manner that doesn't scare me.  Starting today, when I tell you to drive safer you will not talk back and you will immediately change the way you are driving.  Your driving often scares me.  If you try to drive that way any more, it's you who will be scared and fearful."

"Lastly we are going to change how much you drink.  I am not anti-alcohol, this is again about my control over you.  Starting today, you will ask for permission to drink any alcohol.  This includes when we go out.  You will also ask for permission any time you would like a refill.  Expect me to say 'no' often.  Expect me to let you have one or 2 and then no more.  Expect me to have you serve me wine while you are forbidden to drink anything.  The best part is that we will use D/s to make you healthier."

The dream has one more element to it, but it kept changing as I had the dream.  Mistress told me that I would be wearing a uniform around the house at all times.  The uniform started as something you would expect a guy to wear in gym class or basic training.  A white shirt, white shorts white socks and tennis shoes.  It was meant to signify my training.  The other outfit was a maids dress, but not the kind one would fantasize about.  It was meant to signify my service to her in a non-sexual way.


Mistress also told me that I am to wear a pink collar with a bell on it whenever I am home to remind both her and me of my place in our relationship.  



I awoke from the dream aroused but confused.  The dream was completely non-sexual.  There was no real D/s element to it other than what was threatened.  I am certain the arousal came from the control aspect of it since it was not really sexual in any way.  It's also possible the arousal was due to my chastity device that has not been removed for nearly a week, and that was just to change devices.  

As I tried to fall back to sleep, my mind raced with the thought of Mistress implementing these changes or others she may have up her sleeve.  The idea of using my submissiveness to her (and our) benefit is hot.  Changing some of my core behaviors to make them less annoying to her or even non-existent is a submissive man's dream.  Or at least this submissive man's dream.     


       
If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 


Thursday, December 21, 2017

Staying the course

Yesterday I had an overwhelming day.  Work is busy.  I had tech issues which frustrate me to no end because I am fairly tech savvy.  The day went too fast.  I was in a super foul mood.  Unfortunately I was frustrated and short with Mistress for no good reason.

Mistress and I were supposed to go out yesterday afternoon for an evening networking event for her business.  Logistically it wasn't going to work for me, but with my attitude it wasn't going to work for Mistress either, so she ended up going alone.

Not long after she left the house, I got a text from her.  "If I had more time, you would have been locked in the cage all night"

"I could see that" I replied.

"The dry cleaning should be ready" she texted back, which I took to be an order as well as a test.

"I'll go get it" I texted back.

I ran that errand and picked myself up something to cook for dinner.  In addition to that errand I made sure to straighten up the kitchen, do dishes, and get her coffee pot ready for this morning in case she got up before me.  I thought there was a good chance that I was going to be locked in the cage or banished to the spare bedroom if she had enough reason to do so.  Instead, Mistress had a great evening and seems to have forgiven me for my attitude yesterday.  However she did mention a caning is certainly possible moving forward.

When we were getting ready for bed, she indicated that her first inclination was to text me and tell me that D/s would ending until things improved.  She decided that instead of that she could punish me, instead of changing our dynamic.  I thanked her for changing her mind and staying the course.

It's tough when things aren't going right.  When I get mad, I want out of chastity, I push back on anything feminine Mistress wants me to do and I revert back to my macho side that I hate.  Mistress gets frustrated and wants no part of owning me.  We lose lots of ground in our female led relationship.

What is really cool is when we overcome this challenge.  I stay locked in chastity, I suck it up and dress however I am supposed to, I lose my ability to resist.  Mistress punishes me or turns the screws on me even more, to enforce her ownership over me and her intolerance of my insubordination.  Our D/s dynamic gets stronger because we pushed through.  It's not easy, but I am glad we are getting better at doing it.  I am owned more than I ever thought possible.




If you enjoy reading this blog, please leave a comment.  Mistress and I enjoy reading the comments, ideas and feedback from our audience.  I will reply to everyone as soon as I can. 

 

Friday, December 15, 2017

Obsession and Distraction

Once in a while Mistress will make a comment that triggers something inside me that makes me obsess about it.  Not only do I obsess about it, it tends to take me to places I didn't intend on going.  Here is my latest obsession that drifted into something entirely different. 

A few days ago Mistress mentioned that I should watch my attitude, because being locked in the cage in a straitjacket with the shocking device locked on my balls doesn't sound like too much fun.  I replied something to the effect of "to you it might not sound fun".  Since then I have been obsessing about it.  Not so much about the cage, but about something similar.

My first real thought was me thinking of being put into the straight jacket I would lie in the center of one of our spare beds.  My feet would be tied so I would be forced to lie on my back.  I would be blindfolded with earplugs in my ears with white noise playing.  I would be left like this for hours.  Abandoned. 



Then of course, my mind kept going further down the path.  Instead of just being abandoned I imagined having the E-stim box hooked up to me with one set of wires going into a metal butt plug in my ass and bands around my cock.  Mistress would put the settings on the 'torment' function and leave me while my ass and genital are assaulted with electricity.




Then my mind shifted to back to being abandoned for long periods of time.  My mind went darker and realized that the need to go to the bathroom limits the amount of time a slave can be left alone.  It seems that for long term isolation bondage, diapers are frequently used.  Talk about a mind fuck.  Not only are you restricted from moving, but your can't see or hear.  Now your most basic body function is used in your punishment.  I can only imagine how long I would fight to not relieve my self in such a humiliating fashion.  One could be safely left for hours like this.  The inability to move would be excruciating, in a good sadistic way.  The mental anguish of not knowing the time, how long you will be left there and then having to relieve yourself is a very powerful reminder of the control you have given up.  


When I found the image above, I stumbled across another image that I assume only came up because of the diaper.  Apparently these onsies can be used with diapers for adult baby scenes.  These outfits are for people that have a 'little' fetish.  They are unisex and made for people of ALL sizes.  Now I am not into the adult baby fetish one bit, but these outfits do speak to my feminization and humiliation fetish.  I can imagine having to wear one around the house, to bed at night or in a scene of some sort.  The humiliation factor would be extremely high.  





So there you have a perfect example of how my brain works.  It obsesses, but it's also extremely diverse in what appeals to my submissive side.  


     

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Zap and some comments on breaking.

I have been extra difficult to deal with lately.  Mistress and I are starting to do some work together and we are butting heads.  I tend to get speak in a manner that sounds shirt and harsh.  It's certainly not my intention. Last night was one of these times where we got into a more heated back and forth and Mistress told me to put on my shocking collar.  I didn't say no, but I also didn't put it on.  She didn't press the issue, so I didn't put it on.  Had she insisted, I like to think that I would have obeyed, but she didn't so we didn't test that theory.  I was not ready to put it on just for the sake of getting shocked.  The horse had already left the barn so to speak.

That being said, I am working from home today.  I have put the shocking collar around my balls and locked it with a padlock.  I cannot remove it, and it's installed before we have any issues.  I can see me having to wear this whenever I am home, especially during working hours.  I have such a powerful fear of electricity that I am already aware of any potential tone issues I may have later today.







The other night a comment was left on this blog in response to my request for feedback from readers.  It was from a Mistress that mentioned that she would like to see me post as a broken slave.  I have been thinking of what it would look like for Mistress to break me.  While certain parts of it I can fantasize about, the other thoughts I have are reluctance as I know it would suck on many levels.  I tend to agree with her take however that if somehow Mistress was able to get me to the breaking point, I would likely be at a whole different level of submission.  The thought of enduring whatever Mistress decided to put me through, just to show my devotion as her slave is something that I find extremely hot.  That's definitely one of those 'be careful what you wish for' scenarios. 
 

Friday, December 8, 2017

Posts and/or Quotes that speak to me.

Mistress recently told me that if I link to another page, she generally doesn't go to the link.  So I went though many of the links I have done in the past and put them below.  Some are basic one liners that make my cock hard, others are more in depth and go deeper into my psyche.



He wants you to be his QUEEN, so go ahead and be one.



Do things without particular reason, use your sub in ways you never thought about before. Feel the power, let him feel the loss of it.



Make sure you are served well whenever you feel like being served.






If you are just indulging in your husbands fantasies, and not really taking control by pushing your man into doing uncomfortable things, then you are really again, just being controlled by him.

In order for female dominance to become real, you must make it real, by forcing him to do things that he does not want to do. You will either be done with all of this, or you will have the breakthrough, where you truly have brought your man to his knees in full servitude to you for the rest of your life.

Consider it like breaking a horse or training a dog. Men are no different. They can be trained to submit to your will on all matters but you do have to “break him”.



Take him, break him, mold him, and have a relationship with him, that few ever get to experience.  A relationship that puts you on a pedestal, with him serving you as you wish.  Imagine a relationship, where chores are the mans job, (unless you want to help), orgasms are an obligation for the men to give, and a privilege for him to be granted rarely for exceptional servitude.

This is your world now. You are dominant, and your man is your submissive. He asked for this, but he didn’t realize what it meant. Too bad.



You are now the dominant goddess of the house. What you say goes, is what goes. There are no exceptions. What you want is what you get… Be disciplined with yourself, and do not do things that contradict your dominance.



How nice is it to have an unpaid servant who’s glad to serve you? That is the premise and the promise of a Femdom relationship.






When it comes to chastity, you are not punishing your man - you are protecting him from his perfectly normal lack of self-control.  You are not denying him sexual pleasure. In fact, when you do release him from his male chastity belt, sex will feel better for him and his orgasms will become much more intense.  You are not denying yourself the sex life you deserve. While he’s locked up he’ll use his mouth and fingers to provide you with sexual satisfaction on a regular basis. And, there are ways that you have satisfying penetrative sex while he is still under lock and key…



When done correctly, your man will feel more loved by you than he did before male chastity became a part of your life. In fact, most men eventually thank their wives for insisting on the lifestyle.  While at first you’ll only keep him locked up for a few days at a time, eventually he should be restricted to eight to 12 orgasms a year. This is more than enough.  Over time he’ll start to feel like more of a man, because he’ll know that all of his sexual energy is going towards pleasing you. He’ll like the fact that he no longer feels like a little boy who can’t control himself when you are not looking. Instead, he will be saving himself for you…



Punishments are a very effective tool in a FLR. In fact, I would say a punishment is very powerful when done right. Punishing your husband is essential for keeping the FLR strong. When you administer a punishment, it lets him know there are consequences for bad behavior and it also brings a fierce reality to his submission to you. When he faces the consequences doled out by you, it sends a clear message that this is not all fantasy and that you have authority over him. In my opinion, when you punish your husband and he accepts it, it has a real effect on his psyche which elevates your authority over him and pushes him deeper into submission to you. The ultimate outcome is a husband that is obedient and doing everything possible to make you happy.



Make sex more devotional with less penetrative intercourse. Use his tongue a lot. Just watch how his balls get bigger and bigger. Regularly, leave him frustrated. He’ll be more assertive, more attentive, more eager to please.





Intensifying - whichever action you take, request or carry out, each time you repeat it, intensify it a little bit.



He confesses that he feels humiliated on occasion as I use him for my pleasure leaving him with an engorged penis and my secretions covering his face as I just walk away.  But this dynamic makes him even harder, so I discount it.



Submissive men have a need to serve, they want to be trained, held accountable and punished for their mistakes. This is all part of having a female authority in their lives. And they need the relationship to be real, not some game, something she does just to please him. But men and women think differently and women have a hard time, especially in the beginning, understanding the needs of a submissive man. They tend project their own feelings and their way of thinking into the situation.  Too many women see themselves as mean, selfish, arrogant and cruel. So they struggle to take on the role of the female authority in a femdom marriage …Know this, we are not being mean or selfish or cruel, instead we are giving our men the gift of servitude. Which just happens to be exactly what they want and need.




Your Control over him - It comes in waves, it comes slowly. The best part of it is seeing your sub accepting it, adapting to it and finally handing it over, completely. Even better is seeing him starting to anticipate everything, your wishes, your needs, etc. Even better then that is hearing no complaints, no cry-outs for what he is lacking. And even better then that is the sense of rush hitting your brain every time you realize he will obey anything.



The best way to dominate your man is to make him do things you know he doesn’t want to do, both  in and out of the bedroom.



Male orgasm denial has numerous benefits, but do you know the chemical reasoning behind them? Endorphins, hormones, neurotransmitters, and neurochemicals (neurochemistry) affect how we ALL think and feel. By controlling your mans orgasms, you can control their brain chemicals and can condition (train) them.




Orgasm control is a powerful psychological aspect for a submissive man, and you too will learn to enjoy your teasing and control. It is another important power exchange with you controlling the single physical aspect of maleness that is maleness alone, a hard cock and orgasm at will.


You should orgasm much more than he does. That goes without question, his submissiveness definitely translates into you cumming more. You need to teach him how to orally please you better, and as often as you like.




The more I feminize him, the more submissive and pliable he becomes.  I love watching him do a long list of chores in his maid outfit while I watch my programs.




All I have to do is threaten taking my husband out in his feminine attire and his behavior dramatically gets better.



His smooth muscular chest was covered in a lace corset. His tan athletic shoulders were looming over his constricted waist. All of the places that I held him were covered and pinched. I hadn't realized how much I loved his male body until he dressed as a woman.



Then I pointed to a pink bra on the bed and told him to put it on. He looked at me surprised.  I told him firmly to put it on and not ask questions.



Making him wear panties while caged, was one of the hottest ideas we came up with. You have no idea how extinguishing for his male ego this is, it’s not just a good idea, it’s bullseye.



Back rubs, foot rubs, leg rubs, body massages, anything you think you might like you should try, and then do as much as you like. He loves every minutes of doing anything for you, especially if he is physically close to you.


The only thing standing in your way of having everything you dreamed is your own head. Take your man, boss him around, hurt him, be a bitch. Don’t think about it. Just do it. You will see what happens. He will become more obedient. He will automatically start doing the chores. He will ask you what you need.  He loves you, and wants you to own him. Deep down, he needs to feel loved, wanted, and being your sex toy for some reason, shows him this more than anything else you could do. Because truthfully, a true sub with a woman doesn’t care about the specifics if you do this right, or that you do that right. He cares about you telling him what to do, and him having to comply…



If you want roses, you get them…
If you want back rubs, you get them…
If you want an orgasm, you get it…
If you want to come home to a clean house, you get it…





You may want to put him through a number of tests to ensure he can serve you properly and in all ways. You could include both domestic and intimate tasks. These would test his abilities to maintain the home or bedroom, as well as making sure he can anticipate and satisfy you every need and desire.
You could see if he can provide sexual pleasure for extended periods neither seeking pleasure for himself nor succumbing to his own lust spontaneously, particularly if he has been placed in chastity.



Don’t be afraid to adjust the rules to meet current needs. As people grow, things change. A rule that once made sense, may no longer be required, or perhaps something that was once strict needs to become more lenient (or vice versa).



Once he has had a taste of bliss serving you, and if you work with him, and spend some time training him, and fulfill his needs, all of your dreams will come true.  Dream it, ask it, order him to make it come true, and watch him scramble to make it happen.



You might also wish to assert your Dominance of him by choosing his clothes and other attire. This can include another less obvious collar which could be worn under clothing, cock rings, and chastity devices.



Tell him what to do, and expect him to obey immediately, without question. Remember, if you want him to treat you like a Queen, you have to act like a Queen.



You give him his dream, you receive what most women dream about, unconditional surrender, attention, time and being placed at an invisible pedestal.



I am now thoroughly convinced that no man can be so devoted to a woman as a submissive man can. And lets face it, most women want just that, devotion.



Never take a NO for an answer, never tolerate excuses. Be on top of things all the time. Step by step, disallow whatever you see fit. Train him into unquestionable obedience and humility.



As a service-oriented submissive it is your duty to strive to make the dominants life less stressful and more enjoyable.



In a FLR, discipline is a very important part. Disciplining your male sub, whether it’s about physical or mental, should definitely be presented on daily basis. Real submissive men learn they roles quickly and practically, they do not need discipline to keep them in line. However, levels of submission highly depend on discipline, more precisely the type of discipline.





I therefore suggest, if you are a dominant, you make absolutely clear the pleasure you get from each and every slice of adversity to which you subject your submissive. You can’t be shy about being cruel, about being a sadist. You must be bold about this. Make sure some adversity is simply for your pleasure and nothing more. Your submissive will be further in awe of you if you do. Your submissive will feel even more helplessly under your power.




I highly recommend some type of daily  ritual where the sub is required to do something in a D/s context.  This ritual will help the submissive mentally transition into a true submissive role in the relationship.


A nice benefit of rituals is once a ritual is established, the submissive knows exactly what to do. The Dominant partner does not have to worry about giving commands (unless they are part of the ritual) or telling the submissive what to do.  We have a bath ritual that I just love.    I just have to whisper to him, "get my bath ready."




Kink is certainly are a part of the FLR for many people, including myself, but they are only a small piece of the overall FLR.  The FLR is more about a lifestyle decision to accept the woman as the lead.  It is about the male embracing his obedience to his wife and striving to please her.  Life does get in the way sometimes but in a healthy FLR the underlying dynamic of the FLR remains intact during those busy times. 






I find that regular sessions in our female led marriage keep him from becoming lazy or forgetting his chores and responsibilities.  If I wait too long between sessions, he tends to slack off a bit or become lazy.  It's like maintenance on your car.  You have to take your car in for regular maintenance in order to keep it running in top condition.  You could always skip maintenance but your car will not perform at its best and overtime a break down will occur.  Discipline sessions are what keep your husband serving you at his best and prevent a break down in the relationship from occurring.  With regular discipline you should have less need for punishment.




Once you have established a female led relationship based on previous lessons, body worship is the next step.  Body worship is not a sexual act.  Anything from massage to masturbation or from giving her a bath and washing her hair to painting her nails or helping her shave.  It's about her.



Free Time: how he spends his free time is up to you. If he has been obedient and done all his tasks, you can treat him to a limited time where he gets to do an activity. Make sure he negotiates with you and gives you options. You ultimately decide how he spends his free time. It is important that free time is revoked when he has not been 100% obedient or dutiful. Instead of free time he has then earned corner time when he’s not working for you.





Your husband wants an FLR. But he won’t be able to keep to it at first. It is hard to change habits and develop new habits. You will need something to exert absolute control over him.
In my experience, the best way to control your husband is to take control over his finances. Instruct him to have his paycheck paid into an account you and only you control. Next, have him hand over control of all his accounts bar one. Every month, you can write him a check he can deposit into this account. That way, the worse he performs, the less money he gets and the more he feels his dependency on you.




Rigorously adhering to a schedule of weekly discipline session for a submissive partner is very important.  At a scheduled time each week, you and your partner know that you will have him over your lap, over the back of a chair, or over the edge of the bed for an extended session with the cane or what ever tool you select. This is the session that will fix that laziness and it provides the opportunity for you to vent your frustration – like a discharge of built-up electrical power. When the frustration and irritation is gone the spanking ends, and not before. Whats important here is that this is not ’ play time’ and this is not for his pleasure. Spankings are meant to hurt as your partner is supposed to actually learn from  the lessons you try to teach him.



Man’s greatest motivating force is his desire to please Women… 





Yes.  I have Rules.  And Yes, you will obey them.
And Yes, you will love me for it.
Oh, Yes.



Forced Performances. This is very entertaining and again a low-effort humiliation. Sometimes I like to put on some music and have him dance for me. I’ll make him perform a little strip tease, twerk, etc. Sometimes I will have him masturbate for me. I’ll give directions. (these are great times for video recording)



Spitting. We’re getting a little more extreme here. Don’t be afraid to spit on your male. This can be especially degrading during pegging, even more so during deepthroat training. While he’s making eye contact, just launch a huge wad of spit right in his face. He’ll love you for it! It can also be degrading while you’re criticizing his performance to spit in his face.



He fucking hates this, which is why I love it. Any time he has an orgasm during any femdom activity, he’s eating it or its going on his face. I don’t care where it lands, how he came, if it was an accident, or if he really doesn’t want to. That cum is going in his mouth and down his throat. There are a lot of ways to accomplish this, but I really enjoy planning ahead for it. Its also a huge turn on for him, knowing that he’s going to be forced to eat it, even though immediately after he cums he’s absolutely repulsed by it. 



For added humiliation, I frequently take pictures and video of my pet during these humiliating sessions. I keep these and then use them later for additional humiliation. Seriously, having a video of him, with his face covered in his own semen, apologizing for not deepthroating my strapon well enough, all while dressed in daisy dukes and a bikini top….well that’s just good entertainment. Sometimes I make him watch some of the videos with me and laugh at him. It always results in a giant erection in his pants, haha.



Thursday, December 7, 2017

Slavier

Mistress and I have a fairly equal relationship.  We do a good job of sharing chores around the house.  We outsource cleaning to a cleaning service.  We have our own bank accounts and bills. 

When Mistress was working in a office 50+ hours a week, I worked from home.  I took on much more of the household responsibilities.  I made her coffee most mornings, I made her lunch and I did my best to keep dishes done and dinners planned and prepared.  I was definitely in service mode and most of our friends knew I was the house husband.  Even though it was practical, I was able to twist this into me being her slave, and these were my slave duties. 

For a little more than a year Mistress has been working from home and for the last 6 months I have had to go into the office.  The roles have flipped quite a bit.  Because it's practical.  I still try to make her coffee.  I don't make her lunch and she has been cooking a ton. 

In our day-to-day routine, Mistress treats me well.  Occasionally Mistress will require me to fetch her a drink.  But other than that she doesn't order me around much. 

If I were wired like a typical guy this would all be normal if not expected.  But I'm not wired that way.  Even before puberty, I had fantasies of girls that used me.  When I was younger I would let girls copy my homework.  The girl I lost my virginity to used me in a way that fulfilled my submissive nature.  She was younger than me and more sexually experienced.  She would use me as her chauffeur, for companionship when she got bored and for sex, long after we were no longer dating.  In my early adult years I dated a couple women that would use me for companionship (no sex as much as I tried) and to pick them up if they were out drinking too much and didn't want to drive home.  All of these occurrences made me feel like I was being friend zoned or pussy whipped, but in reality it fed my submissive tendencies.  To be of use and to serve a woman was what was actually happening.  It turns out the women that I dated that treated me well, likely treated me too well.  They didn't use me and therefore it didn't fill that part of me.  I ended up treating them worse than I treated the women that treated me poorly.

That brings me to this part of my life.  I am mature enough to know that being treated well is rare and I am lucky to have it.  Mistress treats we well, but she also doesn't let me get away with treating her poorly.  She can be demanding which obviously fills a need for me.  She can be very nice as well which fills a need for my non-kinky side.

All of that being said, I yearn to be more of a slave to Mistress.  This past weekend Mistress thought we should have some drinks.  I didn't realize it and she went into the kitchen to make them.  When I noticed, I said "don't you think I should be making you a drink?  What good is having a slave if you don't use him?"  She realized that I was right and came back to the sofa to let me serve her.  As it should be. 

Last night I tried to peel some shrimp we were having for dinner.  She wouldn't let me.  We have some stuff going on in our lives that makes me think she is trying to serve me, to show appreciation for some sacrifices I am making for the 2 of us.  While I appreciate the gesture, I would rather she not serve me.  I would rather she make me serve her.

Even though I am older and more mature and I appreciate the balance we have in our relationship, I still want to be used.  It fulfills something deep inside of me.  I want to be used to make her life easier and I even want to be used in ways that tests my willingness to serve.  I am going to list a bunch of ideas down below along with my 'I'm not topping from the bottom' disclaimer.  It's important to note that some of these things seem mean or even bully-ish, but that's if you aren't wired the way I am.  It's like opposite world, nice is mean and mean is nice.

Ideas below - not topping from the bottom.
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I started a list of specific things.  I deleted it.  There is no need for a detailed list.  If Mistress needs ideas there are plenty in this blog, there are plenty in communications we have had over the years, and there are plenty of ideas with a quick search of the internet. 

This is a good synopsis of what I am hoping to communicate with this post.

Chastity - you rule the penis, you rule the man

Power - accept (and use) your power over your slave

Delegate - whatever it is your are doing, decide if your slave should be doing it. Remember, this fulfills him even if he doesn't like the task at hand.

Sexual Satisfaction - make sure you are sexually satisfied, that will satisfy your slave.

Discipline - regular discipline to reinforce your dynamic, daily or weekly as necessary.

Humiliation - can be a fun and effective way to keep the male ego in check

Feminization - keep your slave in a certain state of mind

Subspace - making sure your slave goes into sub-space frequently keeps him grounded

Rituals - set a tone of submission for him



   

        

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Yearning for things that used to have issues with.

When I was writing yesterday's post about playing with chastity for 18 years, I came to a realization.  For so many years I hated chastity unless it was 100% tied to a D/s scene.  I would be into it if I thought I was going to get tied up or if there was some teasing involved, etc.  Any time those things would drop off, or life would get in the way or even worse, I would would get in an argument with my Mistress, I would instantly hate chastity.

That has changed for me over the last few years.  Now I accept this is who I am.  Do I prefer to have chastity tied to something?  Sure.  Does it suck to be locked up and not have anything kinky going on in our lives?  Absolutely.  Being locked is now a part of me.  Not because I like the device, but because I like what it symbolizes, my surrender to being fully controlled by my Mistress.

There is nothing hotter than to know that not only is my next orgasm fully dependent on Mistress, but so is any sensation my cock gets.  Surrendering my cock and forgetting about what is in it for me is a true mind-fuck.  Knowing that life can interrupt us and I will likely stay locked makes me feel so owned.  I now see myself begging to stay locked, where just a few years ago, I would go out of my way to avoid being locked up.  That is a real change.

I have also realized how far I have come regarding feminization.  Every since I was 7 or 8, I had a thing for women's clothes.  Not so much wearing them, but admiring them to a point of wanting to see how they felt.  At around 10 or 12 years old my sister caught me trying on a pair of my mom's pantyhose.  She yelled out loud what I was doing and my parents heard.  I was made fun of.  Not in a mean way, but in the way a family pokes fun at each other.  I of course denied it and ever since then have been challenged by the shame that comes with having a fetish like this.

Through out my teenage years I would borrower an item from my mom's drawer or the drawer of a friends sister.  I would wear whatever item it was, masturbate and shame would wash over me as soon as I came.  I would return or throw away the item and swear to never do anything like that again.

When I started living by myself I was able to acquire a few items and would hide them in a drawer.  I would use them occasionally and hide them away.  At some point I would go a little more extreme and when I did, the shame would come back and then the purge.

I dated during these times and in my longer relationships, I would share this part of me.  For the most part it was tolerated in the bedroom and with a sexual connotation.  When any of those relationships would end, I would be horrified that my secret was out and I would purge the acquired feminine items yet again.  I generally would only partake in this part of me 1-2 times a year on average.

In my first marriage my wife was more supportive of this part of me, but it was always used in a D/s way.  I was treated in a slutty, trashy way.  Heavy makeup, forced exhibitionism, and verbal humiliation were the primary drivers.  I don't mean that in a negative way, it was fun.  There is definitely something about that kind of play that gets a guy like me going.

That relationship ended and I half purged.  Kink was used as an excuse by my ex to end the relationship.  I knew I wasn't going to change, but I also wanted to separate myself from the kink that was being used to end my marriage.  I put almost everything in storage.

That brings me to my current Mistress.  Shortly after meeting Mistress we knew each other pretty well on a sexual level.  I was too old to not be upfront about my proclivities, and confided in her most of my kinks.  The feminization part of me took a bit longer to reveal to her, and when I did, her eyes kind of lit up.  She had me get me feminine things out of storage.  She made me try on every item and show her how I looked.  She made me get rid of any of the items that were not flattering or classy enough for her.  She wanted me to look good and to feel good about dressing up.  That first year, Mistress really helped me accept that this is a part of me.  We had some amazing scenes with me fully feminized and I no longer had the shame after an orgasm.  So now that I accept and yearn to explore more and more of my feminine side, the idea of being treated like a whore adds an element of erotic humiliation.

Over the last few years, Mistress has helped me grow my wardrobe.  I am now comfortable for the most part dressing up.  I am not yet to a point where I would dress on my own on a daily basis without it being some sort of an order with consequences for disobeying.  The societal taboo of being dressed as a woman is still strong in me after all of these years.  I still need some sort of coercion.

In closing I am amazed at how much Mistress has helped me grow in my submission.  It's all because she is the best woman I have ever known.  She has helped me accept who I am.  She has loved me and encouraged me through my insecurities about being a submissive guy with feminization fantasies.  She has made things I would never consider (24/7 chastity, wearing perfume daily, shaving my armpits, etc.) a part of my daily life.  There is no way I could ever go back, even if I wanted to.  I am so in love with my Mistress.

                

Monday, October 9, 2017

Ordeal in the cage

Shortly after finishing yesterday's blog post Mistress came downstairs around 7:30 am.  I made her coffee and she asked me what time the store opened.  I told her 10 am.  She said it was time for me to be caged and for me to get ready.

I went upstairs and inserted my butt plug.  I came back down stairs and then headed to the basement.  Mistress was to follow.  I grabbed the straight jacket from the toy closet under the stairs and headed into the room that had the cage.  I undressed.  As I was removing my bra and inserts I was wondering how they would feel under the straight jacket.  I sat on the floor and put on my 8-inch ballet heels.  They lace and have an ankle strap.  I put my feet through the loops that go between the legs to keep the jacket from being raised.  Once I was in, I arranged those straps against the butt plug and proceeded to put my arms in the jacket.  Mistress buckled the main straps and left the arm straps undone so I could climb in the cage.  Once in the cage she pulled the arm straps crossing my arms in front of me and tightly buckled it down.  I was left kneeling in the cage when Mistress latched it behind me.  She agreed that she didn't need to lock it as I was completely helpless.  She very unceremoniously turned of the lights and left the room. 

I sat on my knees for a few minutes until I realized I needed a more comfortable position.  I put my head on the ground and rolled onto my side with a thud.  After much more struggling I was able to get on my back.  I was stuck.  I spent close to the next 2 hours trying to find comfortable positions.  Once I found a relatively comfortable position it was only comfortable for about 10 minutes before pressure points would start hurting.  I also had to avoin laying my head on the bars of the cage.  I knew they went put impressions on my skull and we had to run errands when I got released. 

I repeated a phrase out loud several times about not talking back or talking down to Mistress.  I imagined having to repeat it for the entire time I was in the cage out loud.  We had a baby monitor outside of the cage so Mistress could easily require some such rule in the future.  I also tried to take a nap.  My mind was racing too much for that to happen.  I imagined putting the baby monitor on top of the cage with a rule that I am not allowed to shut my eyes. 

I also had many, many fantasies.  In the spirit of keeping from being a pushy bottom, I will generalize them here and not go into detail.  I fantasized about how to make the cage time even more uncomfortable or miserable.  I thought about Mistress making be do or say things things before I was released.  I also though about non-cage related things.  The longer I was in the cage, the darker and more depraved my thoughts became. 

At one point I was able to wiggle and shift my arms low enough to grab the the lock on my chastity device.  I was able to push and pull on the lock enough to get some friction on my cock.  I wondered if Mistress was seeing me do this through the baby monitor and whether I should stop or not.  After 60 seconds or so, my cock got hard enough that the friction stopped and my hand was cramping at the same time due to how hard I had to struggle to do this.  That experiment was fruitless.

The butt plug.  Wow.  The straps that go between the legs really pushed up against the butt plug.  Every time I moved to find a more comfortable position, the butt plug was reminding me of my situation.  It was pressed so tightly that even breathing made me feel it in my ass.  When I would sigh, the plugged pressed even further.  It was pressed so tightly inside me that when I would try to flex my sphincter it didn't move.   My ass felt thoroughly used by the time I was released. 

I have been locked in the cage 3 or 4 times before this.  This time was the worst by far.  It's the first time that the time in the cage seemed to be more than the actual time.  Mistress let me out 5-10 minutes early of the 2 hour mark and I was thinking she left me in for 30-60 minutes longer.  This was by far the most helpless I have ever felt.  She could have just as easily left me on the floor and I would have been just as helpless.  The cage just made it hurt more.  I have come to the realization that the cage is not something to joke about.  Just because she hasn't 'broken' me with the cage yet, doesn't mean she can't.  I don't think I want to try.

When she finally did release me I was in complete drunken subspace.  I could barely move to assist my own release.  Mistress had to take off the ballet shoes and come partially in the cage to release my arms so that I could get out.  She left the room as unemotionally as she started my ordeal.

Looking back on it this experience was very hot to me.  Not in a sexual way.  The cage sucked.  There was no intimacy with it.  There was no emotion with it.  It was a punishment and nothing more or less.  It was not erotic although I tried to make it that way.  It was detached.  The reason it was hot was because Mistress controlled me completely.  She was cruel.  She was emotionless.  She didn't give the appearance to care how I did with it.  The realization that she could be cruel or crueler to me is what made it hot.

The rest of the day was uneventful as far as D/s is concerned, although I was certainly worked up as much as I ever have been.

This morning Mistress and I snuggled a bit.  I was tracing my fingers on Mistress legs and butt.  I was about to get out of bed and Mistress reached out with her foot.  I stayed in bed for a bit longer.  I continued to trace my fingers along her legs, ankles and feet.  I would trace along her leg where it meets her ass.  I traced her hip area and her stomach.  I traced her arms and neck.  I purposely avoided sexual areas for quite some time.  I teased her chest and she didn't stop me from teasing her breasts and nipples.  I took that as a good sign.  I traced my way back down her body to her pussy.  She let me proceed.  I rubbed her clit for a bit.  Mistress generally doesn't let me rub her clit long as she enjoys penetration much more.  Because of this I teases the opening to Mistress' pussy.  She was nicely wet. I teased her some more and the I inserted my finger a bit more.  Mistress commanded me back to her clit, I was surprised.  I re-positioned myself on my knees and continued to rub her clit.  I nuzzled my face against her neck.  Mistress reached over and rubbed my balls.  She commented on how full they were.  I assured her that it was her cruelty that was keeping me so aroused.  In very quick order Mistress came and she stopped me.  I tried force myself on her until she made it clear I was crossing a line.  I backed off to avoid cage time.  I imagined this becoming a daily ritual.  Waking Mistress up at a set time with my fingers and if she allows with an orgasm for her.  If I am out of bed already, a text message summoning me for her morning pleasure or to deliver coffee to her upstairs. 

Mistress told me to get dressed and make her coffee.  I asked what I should wear today as it was a home office kind of day.  She said "whatever you want".  I asked for clarification and she said I didn't have to dress feminine.  I was bummed, but decided I could still dress feminine today since it was my choice.  I couldn't dress that way right away or I wouldn't have time to make Mistress' coffee so I ran downstairs my nighty to make her coffee. 

I then went upstairs to get dressed.  I sprayed on my perfume.  I went to my panty drawer and picked out a pair of panties.  I then went to my feminine closet.  I picked out a red dress but decided against it as I didn't want bra straps showing.  I put it back and grabbed a black and white dress to wear.  As I picked up a bra to wear, I got insecure.  I can't get dressed up if Mistress doesn't want me to.  Mistress has gotten me over 99% of my macho insecurity, but apparently I still need a bit of encouragement or even better, coercion.  I put the bra back down, took off my panties and instead put on some male casual clothes.

In closing, the cage was miserable, but at the same time I was in heaven. Heaven because Mistress owned me and controlled me 100% at that time.  I was completely helpless, at her mercy and wanting to serve her even more.  That's the way it should be.                     

Saturday, September 2, 2017

Meaner is better

We have a standing rule that I am to be locked in chastity whenever Mistress has her period.  Mistress started her period on Monday and they tend to last about 5 days.  On Thursday night Mistress came home form happy hour with the girls in a mood that I would call happy and horny, but not too horny.  She was kissing me more than usual, she climbed onto my lap, she playfully spanked me a few times and was generally aggressive.  I liked it.  Mistress asked me if I was a good boy that day.  Since I have been trying to get Mistress to be meaner with me, I told her, no.  She mentioned that it was too bad because she was going to let me out of chastity.  I stated, "you really are having a hard time being meaner to me, aren't you?"  She said, no, she is not.  That was kind of the end of it, and yes, I did stay locked.

Last night at bed time I noticed that the trash can that had been emptied the night before had no tampon packaging in it, which means Mistress' period ended on Thursday.  That's why she was going to let me out.  I said I wasn't a good boy so she is doing a wonderful job of keeping me locked up.

Now I wasn't really a bad boy on Thursday, or any day for that matter.  I am generally pretty good and try hard to keep Mistress happy. However, I can pretend to be bad if that gets Mistress to be meaner to me.  I can confess to things that Mistress doesn't mind, but other women might.  I ogled at a couple of waitresses at the bar.  I used swear words.  I was speeding.  I can certainly be punished for mild bad (made up) deeds as much as major ones.

As we were going to bed last night I told her she needed to have her own mantra.  A way of reinforcing the idea of be meaner to me.  I came up with something.

Meaner is better
Meaner makes my slave happy
Meaner makes my slave obedient
Meaner is the same as nicer in my slave's submissive brain
Meaner makes my slave want to serve me even more
Meaner is better

Last night as I was falling asleep, I imagined all of the mean things Mistress could do to me.  Most guys would run at the thought of being treated this way and I think they would be the most exiting things she could do to me.  A lot of these things would suck to endure, but I know when it was over I would be in a deeper state of submission.  Other than her bringing a man into our D/s world, I can't imagine a thing Mistress could do to me that would upset me.  My head is spinning with the idea of begging for mercy and not getting it.  Mmmmmm.


   

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Getting Caught

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly horny.  The thoughts running through my head day-in and day-out are really starting to escalate.  I have to get out of the house early this morning and had contemplated skipping my feminine dress.  However, I am so under a spell right now that I couldn't resist putting on a skirt that is a little too tight, heels that are a little to high, and an unnecessary bra.

That brings me to one of the things I have been fantasizing about.  Getting caught and being penalized in some way.  I like the idea of Mistress searching for ways to catch me disobeying.  One example is doing a "panty check" at all times. The punishment could be severe or it could be something as simple as being forced to go put on panties.  Skipping perfume could be punished with a squirt of something undeniably feminine and over powering.  Not voluntarily going into chastity when Mistress announces her period would result in a punishment (some Mistresses make their slaves wear pads during this time.  Being punished for an outfit Mistress doesn't like.  When she notices that things she requires of me are being ignored or neglected, being called out on it, punished and the expectation put back in place puts butterflies in my stomach.

I fantasize that a lot of times I would be set up to fail, just for the purpose of punishing me.  Being given a task that she knows I will forget or not do and be dealt with appropriately.  I am fantasizing right now about pulling up my skirt, pulling down my panties and stroking my cock.  I imagine Mistress quietly coming down the stairs and catching me.  What would the punishment be?  How humiliated would I feel?  The thought of this is intoxicating.



         

Monday, April 3, 2017

Control

Yesterday morning Mistress and I were having early morning sex.  I was in my nighty while we were having sex.  It's pretty hot for me to be in my nighty when when we have sex.  It keeps my mind focused on pleasing her and reinforces my place in our relationship.  After Mistress had a couple orgasms Mistress ordered me to fuck her harder.  I thought this indicated that she was going to let me cum.  As I got close to the edge, I asked Mistress if I could cum.  I was on a perfect pace to fill her up with my cum when she said "no".  I had to stop moving my hips immediately.  She added that she didn't want to screw up her Sunday by having a difficult to deal with slave just because she let me have an orgasm.

Now she's getting it!

I have spent the better part of 6.5 years getting her to recognize the benefits of keeping me denied (Semen Retention).    At the same time she should be getting all the sex she wants from me as it keeps me engaged and helps me build stamina.  Also her pleasure should come first and second to my third.

It had only been a week since my last orgasm and the feeling was fresh in my mind.  All week I have really wanted another orgasm.  I was so ready to cum that I had considered just cumming and dealing with the consequences.  However my mind quickly went to the cage in the basement.  Even though I have only been locked in the cage a few times, it has an effect on my behavior.  I could imagine me spending at least a couple hours in the cage if not longer for an unauthorized orgasm.  I could also imagine other punishments for cumming after being told no.

At this point I realized that Mistress has the most control over me than she ever has.  I like that.  I dress feminine every week day and some weekends if we don't have anything going on.  I wear perfume that Mistress has chosen for me daily (no matter what I am wearing)  I wear my chastity device when told.  I have a collar locked around my neck 24/7 for months at a time unless it needs to come off for medical or security reasons.

While Mistress has more control over me than she ever has, I don't fear her.  I wish I did.  In a D/s context.  If I did, her control would be complete.

I frequently think of purposely disobeying Mistress so that I can be treated badly.  Even this morning I was tempted to edge myself and then confess to it.  I didn't, but I thought about it. I think about skipping my feminine dress one day to see if Mistress will punish me.  I sometimes get snarky, wishing that Mistress would call me out on it and truly punish me.

I fantasize of being punished to the point of truly begging it to stop.  When we play, Mistress will frequently ask me if I've had enough.  At some point I will say yes.  Not because I have hit a limit, but merely because I still have control at that point.  As I think about this am reminded of a quote from another Domme's blog.

So: A true submissive needs to feel they are helplessly under the control of a sadistic dominant. That they have zero power or influence. That is achieved by two things. 

(A) Punishments for infractions have to be truly feared by the sub. This is achieved by not stopping the punishment until the sub is and has been truly begging with all their heart for a few minutes for the punishment to stop. My lifestyle did not click into place until I started doing this 6 or 7 years ago. It is easy to judge when the begging has reached the truly heartfelt, and then you keep going for a while. You will not break or damage him. During the punishment, he will be begging and attempting to have you stop. After it, he will be in awe of you and want to worship you. Bind him so he cannot move, gag him and then apply the punishment. It may only need to be six HARD cane strokes, if he is begging with all his heart after the first. If he has marks on his butt for the rest of the day, he will love that. If the marks last 3 days, he will love it even more.

(B) The true submissive has to undergo things they really do not like. By this, it is reinforced that they have zero power or influence, that they are helplessly under the control of a sadistic dominant.  

All of this being said, we are heading down the right path.  Mistress is kind to me and treats me very well.  I love this.  However a part of me wants to truly fear her.  I want to be scared when I am tied up.  Truly not knowing what is going to happen to me.  I eventually want a true beating.




I want to beg to the point of tears. I want to be afraid that she will do things I don't want to have done to me.  I want her to be able to verbally tell me something and for her words to put fear into my heart.  This concept excites the hell out of me.  I want Mistress have absolute control of me.  

   

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Thursday night date night

Mistress and I had our date night on Thursday night.  While Mistress was getting ready, I prepared the bed.  I pulled out the straps we keep hidden under the mattress and placed some towels on the bed.  I pulled out the toys we use the most and put them on the dresser next to the bed.  Mistress let me out of chastity before I showered and so that I could clean myself well and stay clean until later.  I put on one squirt of my new perfume, and some fishnet suspender hose before getting dressed in my male clothes.

We went to a happy hour and had a few appetizers and cocktails.  On our way home Mistress told me what I was to do when we got home.  I was to light the candles we have in the room and put on some music.  Then I had to put restraints on my wrists and ankles and strip down so that I was only wearing the fishnet hose. I was to put 3 large rubber bands around each thigh, blindfold myself and then tie down my three limbs.

Once I was secured to the bed Mistress entered the room.  The started by going around the bed and tightening the 3 limbs that were already secured.  Then she went to my free arm, clicked a clip onto the restraint and tightened that limb down.  I was held down tightly and my cock was rising just from the bondage.  Mistress then left the room to change clothes or remove clothes, I don't know since I couldn't see.  The rest of what happened is kind of a blur so I don't necessarily remember the order of events.

Essentially Mistress alternated putting generous amounts of lube on my cock before stroking me to an edge.  She would hit my inner thighs with several implements from a rubber stick the width of my finger to a flexible metal rod that you snap against the skin.  It's so thin and light that it hurts like hell and leaves a heck of a mark.  Mistress would also use these implements on my balls.  Mistress put clothespins on my nipples for a good 15 minutes and when she took them off she rrubed the blood back into them causing a rush of pain.  By far the worse thing Mistress did was snap those rubber bands against my inner thighs.  It's crazy to think 20 cents of rubber bands are the implement I fear the most.

At one point I asked Mistress to please put a clothespin back on my nipple(s).  That set her off.  After that I got about 3 minutes of constant smacking with what I believe to be a riding crop.  She smacked my cock, balls and inner thighs non-stop while scolding me for being a pushy bottom.  She told me that my blog posts have been too pushy, and that she was not here to fill my wish list, and that I needed to focus less on things I want her to do to me.  After that, Mistress took a pair of panties that old cum stains in them.  She poured some water into them and shoved them into my mouth so she didn't have to hear about what I wanted any longer.  I could have easily pushed the panties out of my mouth, but after what I just endured I chose to leave them in.  

So Mistress did an amazing job of stroking my cock and right as I got to the edge and told her I was about to cum, she would snap a rubber band or hit me in the balls or smack me with something else.  It was back and forth, and I would go from amazing pleasure to excruciating pain.  I wanted the pain to stop, but the pleasure was so good that I more than willing to endure the pain to keep the teasing going.

After about 45 minutes, Mistress decided it was her turn, so she unclipped my limbs so I could fuck her.  She had me rinse out my mouth and come back to bed.  When I got back to the bed I tried to go down on her, but she refused me that pleasure.  I easily put my cock in Mistress but before I could give her an orgasm I had to stop so I wouldn't cum without permission.  Mistress' expert teasing session had me perilously close to cumming.  Mistress had me pull out so I could use my fingers to make her cum which she did quite easily once my finger rubbed across her G-spot.  As soon as she would cum she would have me put my cock inside her.

As we did this, we talked.  I told Mistress that I was surprised how much I am liking being dressed up around her.  I confessed that I was enjoying it much more than I thought I would.  I told her that for the first time in my life I could see myself doing this long term.  She told me that she really likes me dressed and that she is planning on pushing me much further.  She really likes how submissive I have become.  When I am dressed up, I am less snarky, I have less male ego and machismo.  I am more open to obeying.  I don't really remember all the details but what I walked away with was that now that we are down this path, there is no turning back.  I will continue to be more and more feminized.  I will be more and more controlled.  Chastity is likely to be full time.  Not because she doesn't trust me, but because of the control it gives her and takes away from me.

As we talked, Mistress continued to have me alternate between fucking her with my cock and making me cum with her fingers.  She asked me if I wanted to cum, and I assured her I didn't.  She told me that if I did, I would be locked up in chastity first thing in the morning.  I asked what if I didn't cum and she said, "same thing", so I was in a lose/lose situation.  Mistress did assure me that she liked me to orgasm enough so that I remember how good it feels.  I entered Mistress again and she talked about how she was going to cum all over my cock.  I asked for permission to cum and she gave it to me.  I quickly filled her with my cum while I gave her another orgasm.  I mumbled about how she just won, making me so desperate that I couldn't stop myself.  Even though I just came, my cock was still rock hard (thanks pharmaceutical industry!) so I continued to fuck Mistress.  I had no fear of prgasming again.  Mistress kept cumming and I kept pushing my cock inside of her.  After a few minutes I couldn't go anymore.  Mistress let me catch my breath before she told to do me what I hoped she wouldn't .  She told me to lick my cum out of her pussy.  As I put my face between her legs to eat my own cum, I felt so owned.  I would do anything to be treated this was.  My shame and disgust were quickly overcum by feelings of arousal and submissiveness.  After I gave Mistress one more orgasm, she said she was done with me.  I cleaned up the toys and the bedroom so we could finish our evening relaxing.

Yesterday I spent the day replaying Thursday nights events in my head.  While our scene was intense and exciting, it was the communication that I was most excited about.  The fact that Mistress isn't only indulging my feminization, but that she is going to push me deeper and deeper.  To think that something I used to do a few times a year in a sexual context will now be a near full time part of my life, scares and excites me.  Seeing Mistress become more and more confident about controlling me, hurting me and punishing me is a dream come true.  I have spent almost 30 years of my adult life chasing this need of being controlled.  I have had brushes with it in the past, but this is the most hopeful I have ever been.  I think we will succeed this time because I have gotten out of my own head.  I am devoted to Mistress and the process of her owning me.  I will do my best to not pull back when things get intense and I believe Mistress will push me forward if I do try to pull back.  Things are looking great.

Here is the aftermath of my beating.  The bright red lines are from the rubber bands and the bruising from the large rubber stick.  I love wearing the marks she gives me!!!