Ball Busting

MBB loves to hit me in the balls, and I hate it, especially if I am not restrained.  This looks fun from pure helplessness standpoint, but it's also damn scary for the same reason.

Lessons Learned

Friday night Miss Bossy Bitch tied me to our bed as promised.  She tied me about as tight as I have ever been tied.  While I was tied, she sucked my cock, and gave me an amazing teasing hand job.  In between strokes she would smack my balls with some sort of implement.  I hate my balls being smacked, but because I am tied down and there is nothing I can do about it, I love it.  As part of the torture, MBB asked me lots of questions and made lot of suggestions.

Some of the suggestions that came out (that I remember) were as follows...

• I should wear the ones I have and buy some additional female workout clothes to work out in (including sports bras - humiliating).  This would reinforce my working out for my Mistress, especially looking in the mirror.  I noticed Target had some cute inexpensive workout clothes in all sizes.
• MBB is planning on having me wear a butt plug when we go out.  I have rarely worn a plug in her presence so I am sure that would be a nice mind fuck.
• More focus on me wearing feminine clothes.
• She plans on taking more control over me.
• She is planning on including chastity in as part of that control.
• I still need to be punished for past transgressions.  Side note, I still feel that punishments (earned or for maintenance) are a good way to keep the dynamic real.  It sets the hierarchy in our relationship and reinforces our positions.

Now as far as the title of this post, Lessons Learned, This is what I have learned in the last few years.  While I have a lot in my mind about how a female led relationship should work, it really doesn't matter.  Obviously D/s is something I need, but it's not something MBB has to do for me.  In reality if I want her to dominate me I have to do it on her terms and without fail.  MBB has taught me that forcing my ideas on her only keeps me  from what I need.  She has taught me that no D/s is worse than having to do things I may not want to do.  In fact I have learned I would rather do 10 D/s things that I dislike than go too long without any D/s.  I have learned that if MBB wants me in chastity full time, and it turns her on and we get to play more, then I need to be in chastity full time.  I need to do whatever she wants me to do if I plan on getting my D/s needs met.  At the end of the day, that is what submission is all about.  

As far as my edging today, I didn't edge about any fantasy.  I edged about the topic above.  I edged thinking about D/s on MBB terms and not mine.  Needless to say I got to the edge much quicker. I even leaked some...

I love you Miss Bossy!

Ball Beating

Mistress made me cum on Sunday and although it was a full orgasm, I am on 10 again.  After shaving my body yesterday I painted my toenails.  I don't think Mistress would have made me as it's so close to summer barefoot weather.  I am in such a slutty mood right now, I wanted to have pretty pink toenails.

I saw the video below yesterday and couldn't get it out of my mind.  The best I can tell is the man is tied face down in the bed.  If he's not tied down, I don't know how on earth he isn't squirming more.  His balls are bound into a tight package without being too tight.  His cock is forced between is legs and is pointing toward his feet.  His Mistress starts out with the Hitachi on his cock head and then immediately starts hitting him in the balls with her riding crop.  While the hitting doesn't look too hard I know I would be twice as loud and squirmy as this guy.  Now the real evil thing is the Hitachi gets him off in about 90 seconds and she doesn't stop.  She continues to beat his balls and occasionally his cock for another 6 minutes.  Since he has just cum, there is no arousal helping him with the pain.  Everything is much more sensitive and not in a good way.  You can hear him choke a little on his own spit due to the pain.  Now while watching this, I have a raging hard on.  I would be edging to this right now if I had some privacy.  While it turns me on, I can also feel a knot in my stomach knowing just how much this would hurt and how much it would suck.  I am sure this guy would have some bruising on his balls.  That is so hot...

This is a perfect example of something that I would hate while it happened and then once I got over the shock and possibly anger, I would fantasize about it for the rest of my life.  The pure loss of control, the wanting it to stop and it not stopping makes my head spin in subspace.

Try this link here - http://www.xtube.com/watch.php?v=wFPXF-S564-

Being Forced

Last night when Miss Bossy and I were getting ready for bed, she told me she had intended for me to sleep in a nighty.  She knows I hadn't slept well, and she told me she wasn't going to make me wear one.  I don't recall saying anything back to her.  What I was saying to myself was this... "Should I tell her I want to wear one regardless of how well I have slept? Will she think I am being a pushy bottom if I ask her to do with me as SHE wishes?".  I chickened out and didn't say anything, plus I was somewhat relieved that I didn't have to wear one.  At the same time I wish she would have made me wear one.  The logical side of my brains would have wished she didn't, but the libido part of my brain would be doing back flips with excitement.  There would have been a small battle in my brain, but the libido wins 80% of the time.  I would have slept and been in constant knowledge of my place in our relationship.  I would have woken up with naughtier than usual thoughts in my mind.  I would have gotten out of bed slightly emasculated and humiliated in front of her.  That may sound bad, it it drills right through all of my mach bullshit straight to my heart.  While I hate not being able to sleep, there is so hot to have that reason be my Mistress.

That reminds me of a couple quotes I have seen over the years. "it's not submission if it's what the sub wants", or "it's not bondage until you want out".

There is something amazingly hot about doing something you don't want to do.  For example, Mistress and I will be apart this weekend.  She has instructed me to cum in a pair of panties tomorrow morning.  Now I have been doing teasing and denial for so long now, I actually dislike cumming on my own.  I love to be under her control when I cum and to not have a choice in the matter.  So tomorrow morning I will have to cum.  I will so not want to do it,  I will be cumming into a pair of panties, full well knowing those panties will be used in some future scene.  Is it something I want to do, no.  Does it make my head spin with desire knowing she is making me do something I don't want to, YES!  Do I want her to keep forcing me to do things I don't want to do?  YES!  Do I want her to push my boundaries, keep me on my toes, humiliate and hurt me, and not care what I think until after a few days after she has done it?  YES!

I have added a ton of pictures to my Tumblr account.  Apparently I am in quite the mood today.

Today I edged watching this video.  It's of a couple where the woman keeps hitting her man in the balls.  My Mistress loves this and I hate/like it.  I could totally see my Mistress doing this to me, but I have no clue how this guy takes it unrestrained and not gagged.

http://firesque.tumblr.com/post/39466982773/taoist4tease-color-amateur-cbt-12-minute-video

Long Term Edging

This morning I woke up feeling a little nauseous.  When I feel this way I tend to try and go to my "happy place" which almost always is me thinking about my nastiest, dirtiest, most humiliating desires.  While lying in bed I had a couple ideas in my mind and then decided to pull out my iPad.  I was catching up on some Tumblr posts when I ran into this one.


It’s a common request for a girl like me to receive, a boy saying something like: “I want the longest tease and denial EVER” or “I wanna be kept on edge for HOURS.”

The problem being that boys, in the privacy of their homes, are free to email me while their cock is in their hands. Meanwhile, this clear-thinking, capable domme is reading your message, and realizing you need to be taught a once-in-a-lifetime LESSON.

Once my inescapable straps are locked, forcing your neck and wrists back awkwardly, trapping your immobile waist, so that it hurts to struggle, so you can’t even twist—you get your lesson. A full hour (no editing tricks—A FULL HOUR) of being edged, stupid boy. Hope you wanted what you thought you wanted.

An incredible, merciless clip. Be warned.




That in turn got me checking out her page.  She is pretty darn creative and devious.  My Mistress is a pretty damn good tease artist in her own right.  Keeping me on edge, not letting me cum.  She has even learned the art of a ruined orgasm.  Just thinking about being restrained and kept on the edge or hours make my head spin like I just took a shot of hard liquor.  It's amazing how much of a buzz I get from this kind of stuff.  It's also amazing the things I would agree to do when in that teased state of mind. It's a potentially dangerous place for me to go...

Some additional images from this site http://christinaqccp.tumblr.com/

Sweet Spot

Here are the pictures I edged to this morning.  I sooooo wanted to cum this morning.  My mind was trying to convince me that I could cum with no consequences.  Gladly I did not listen.  I love the feeling I have right now. Being so horny and there is nothing I can do to relieve the desire to cum.  I am in the sweet spot of wanting to cum so very much and so not wanting to cum.

Predicament Bondage

This morning's edging had me fantasizing about predicament bondage.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predicament_bondage

It's such a mind fuck to have to choose between to situations, neither which is pleasurable.  I can think of so many ideas, I'm surprised I can't find more pictures.

9 to 5

Last night found me tied down to the bed with a blindfold on.  My Mistress alternating between stroking my cock, smacking me in the balls or hitting me with various implements on my inner thigh (no bruises today though).  We chatted about my post from yesterday and she commented that me in a sub role would be her preference.  Mainly to show her friend the power a woman can wield with a man and the rush she gets.  MBB then told me she was going to ruin my orgasm.  I begged her not to.  I would rather have a full one or none at all.  I did get a little lucky though. She waited until cum actually started shooting out.  By then I was half way into my orgasm, so I got to have some of that awesome orgasm feeling.  My horniness went from a 9 to a 5.  Darn-it!

This morning's self edging had me thinking about what her and her friend would do to me if they could...

Helpless

I must start with a thank you to my Mistress for giving me an order this morning.  I was instructed to paint my toenails pink and my fingernails with clear polish.  At first I thought I was to paint my fingernails pink too.  My heart skipped a beat knowing I would be looking an pink fingernails all day.  I clarified that it was to only be clear nail polish.  Either way, I was slightly humiliated at the thought, and instantly got hard thinking about it.  I'm not sure how I acted after she told me to do this.  I have a hunch it might have come across as indifferent or something less than enthusiastic, but I want to ensure that she knows it means the world to me that she gave me a task to do.  I am very excited to do as told.

This morning's edging had to do with being helpless.  We have been catching up on episodes of the TV show Dexter.  Every time he has a victim on his table I can;t help but think of my kink.  Being plastic wrapped to a table, naked, head immobile, I can think of so many better (naughtier) things to do other than kill the person. This morning I imagined MBB wrapping me up and causing major discomfort, breath control, CBT, etc.  The helplessness of it all gets me all hot and bothered.

Today's Fantasy - A Good Beating

This morning while edging I was thinking about how long it has been since I had a good beating.  I'm not big into pain, but there is something very cathartic about having to endure such a thing.  The endorphin release, the loss of control, and enduring such a thing does something.  Not to mention the marks that are left afterward.

I was imagining being tied face down to start.  MBB would start with medium smacks across my ass with a leather strap and an occasional harder hit.  From there she would start at my feet, smacking the soles until I yelped in pain.  Then she would move up and hit my calves and thighs and then my upper back.  A few well placed smacks to my cock and balls would also be added.  Once I was sufficiently warmed up, she would use a cane on me.  I imagined her hitting me hard enough to get me struggling and breathing nicely and then she would back off.  Alternating implements she would go from my feet to my ass.  I also imagined her telling me she wanted me to safe word 3 times before the beating would stop.  By now I would have so many endorphin's rushing through me that  I would do my best not to safe word no matter what.

I also thought about tortures other than beatings, electricity, ball busting, hot candle wax, clothespin zipper.  All things that would have me begging her to stop and a couple would put terror in my eyes.

Now I haven't done much recently to deserve such treatment.  As I said catharsis would be one good aspect of it, but if my Mistress didn't want to beat me just for the sake of beating me (or becuase it turns her on) then I know there have been a couple transgressions over the last year I still haven't paid for :-)

Fits and Starts and CBT

For the last month my MBB and I have been sick.  We have sex a couple times, but very little D/s.  D/s takes some work and effort, and I don't think either one of us has been up for that (as you can tell by my missing posts).

In the interest of getting started again I was going to write about the idea of doing some breath play, but with my cough, it doesn't sound very fun.  As a back up, I have been thinking about this for some time, but haven't had the guts to post it.

MBB and I have some fun with teasing and orgasm denial.  Part of the deal is, if I cum without permission we don't play or I get punished.  I am also to tell her anytime I am close to cumming.  This allows her to decide what to do with me.  Recently she started ruining my orgasms by stopping them just as they start.  I really do believe they are worse than no orgasm or an orgasm that goes too far.  I have been thinking about MBB tell me to prepare myself on the bed y restraining myself.  As an added touch, I would either put on my neoprene ball stretcher witch put my ball in a tight little package (ripe for abuse) or to tie my balls with a thin rope to the foot board nice and tight so they stay in one place, or a combination of the stretcher and the rope.  MBB would then finish restraining me.  In my mind I would be blindfolded and gagged.  MBB would then tell me that I had to tell her when I was about to cum while she stroked my cock.  She would get me to the edge several times.  One of these times she would stop stroking and start smacking my balls.  I start screaming and struggling.  She would scold me saying I must not have been very close since I didn't cum, and then she explaina to me that the only way I can cum is from my balls being smacked.  She advises me to tell her when I am a little closer but if I cum without her smacking my balls, she will still smack them but not until after I am all sensitive.  I beg her to stop (gagged or not) and she starts stroking me again nice and slow.  The next time I tell her I am close she stops to make sure I didn't already start cumming.  The next time I tell her I am cumming, she strokes until she knows it's a sure thing.  She stops stroking my cock and starts smacking my balls.  The pain is intense, but it pushes me over the edge.  The orgasm is amazing, but so is the pain.  She doesn't stop smacking until the cum stops and I am screaming and almost in tears.  She has done it.  She has given me an orgasm, but made it terrible at the same time.

The above excites me but scares me too.  The excitement is more exciting than the fear though.

Found on the internets

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A lot of naughty thoughts

Even though I just had an orgasm last night, today has been a lot of dirty thoughts.  I have had a lot of thoughts lately about dungeon scenes in the Men in Pain videos.  Dark dungeons with chains and ropes hanging everywhere.  I think of myself in a leather harness that holds the chest (the videos have rope harnesses).  My arms would be bound behind my back, but high enough I couldn't use my hands to block my ass from a beating.  Since my arms wouldn't be above my head, I could stay in this position for an almost unlimited amount of time.  I imagine MBB fucking with me on lots of ways and giggling every time she made me mad or frustrated.

I also have been imaging being tied in a chair that allows my ball to hand freely.  MBB would have them bound in a tight little package so she could tap them for minutes on end.  Tapping them at the same mild strength and pace, until the tension builds so much I am screaming and sweating.  She would joke about how lightly she was actually hitting them and would occasionally give it a harder tap to show me just how lightly she is actually doing it.

Very soon we will be able to do these things without worrying about digging out the toys and putting them away.  I can't wait!.