Last night when Miss Bossy and I were getting ready for bed, she told me she had intended for me to sleep in a nighty. She knows I hadn't slept well, and she told me she wasn't going to make me wear one. I don't recall saying anything back to her. What I was saying to myself was this... "Should I tell her I want to wear one regardless of how well I have slept? Will she think I am being a pushy bottom if I ask her to do with me as SHE wishes?". I chickened out and didn't say anything, plus I was somewhat relieved that I didn't have to wear one. At the same time I wish she would have made me wear one. The logical side of my brains would have wished she didn't, but the libido part of my brain would be doing back flips with excitement. There would have been a small battle in my brain, but the libido wins 80% of the time. I would have slept and been in constant knowledge of my place in our relationship. I would have woken up with naughtier than usual thoughts in my mind. I would have gotten out of bed slightly emasculated and humiliated in front of her. That may sound bad, it it drills right through all of my mach bullshit straight to my heart. While I hate not being able to sleep, there is so hot to have that reason be my Mistress.
That reminds me of a couple quotes I have seen over the years. "it's not submission if it's what the sub wants", or "it's not bondage until you want out".
There is something amazingly hot about doing something you don't want to do. For example, Mistress and I will be apart this weekend. She has instructed me to cum in a pair of panties tomorrow morning. Now I have been doing teasing and denial for so long now, I actually dislike cumming on my own. I love to be under her control when I cum and to not have a choice in the matter. So tomorrow morning I will have to cum. I will so not want to do it, I will be cumming into a pair of panties, full well knowing those panties will be used in some future scene. Is it something I want to do, no. Does it make my head spin with desire knowing she is making me do something I don't want to, YES! Do I want her to keep forcing me to do things I don't want to do? YES! Do I want her to push my boundaries, keep me on my toes, humiliate and hurt me, and not care what I think until after a few days after she has done it? YES!
I have added a ton of pictures to my Tumblr account. Apparently I am in quite the mood today.
Today I edged watching this video. It's of a couple where the woman keeps hitting her man in the balls. My Mistress loves this and I hate/like it. I could totally see my Mistress doing this to me, but I have no clue how this guy takes it unrestrained and not gagged.
http://firesque.tumblr.com/post/39466982773/taoist4tease-color-amateur-cbt-12-minute-video
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