Fits and Starts and CBT

For the last month my MBB and I have been sick.  We have sex a couple times, but very little D/s.  D/s takes some work and effort, and I don't think either one of us has been up for that (as you can tell by my missing posts).

In the interest of getting started again I was going to write about the idea of doing some breath play, but with my cough, it doesn't sound very fun.  As a back up, I have been thinking about this for some time, but haven't had the guts to post it.

MBB and I have some fun with teasing and orgasm denial.  Part of the deal is, if I cum without permission we don't play or I get punished.  I am also to tell her anytime I am close to cumming.  This allows her to decide what to do with me.  Recently she started ruining my orgasms by stopping them just as they start.  I really do believe they are worse than no orgasm or an orgasm that goes too far.  I have been thinking about MBB tell me to prepare myself on the bed y restraining myself.  As an added touch, I would either put on my neoprene ball stretcher witch put my ball in a tight little package (ripe for abuse) or to tie my balls with a thin rope to the foot board nice and tight so they stay in one place, or a combination of the stretcher and the rope.  MBB would then finish restraining me.  In my mind I would be blindfolded and gagged.  MBB would then tell me that I had to tell her when I was about to cum while she stroked my cock.  She would get me to the edge several times.  One of these times she would stop stroking and start smacking my balls.  I start screaming and struggling.  She would scold me saying I must not have been very close since I didn't cum, and then she explaina to me that the only way I can cum is from my balls being smacked.  She advises me to tell her when I am a little closer but if I cum without her smacking my balls, she will still smack them but not until after I am all sensitive.  I beg her to stop (gagged or not) and she starts stroking me again nice and slow.  The next time I tell her I am close she stops to make sure I didn't already start cumming.  The next time I tell her I am cumming, she strokes until she knows it's a sure thing.  She stops stroking my cock and starts smacking my balls.  The pain is intense, but it pushes me over the edge.  The orgasm is amazing, but so is the pain.  She doesn't stop smacking until the cum stops and I am screaming and almost in tears.  She has done it.  She has given me an orgasm, but made it terrible at the same time.

The above excites me but scares me too.  The excitement is more exciting than the fear though.