Getting desperate

As of this morning I have been locked in chastity for a full week.  I hate to admit it's going much better than I anticipated.  I want to touch myself and I can't, not even for a second.  The main thing I miss (besides being able to touch my cock) is wearing panties.  To avoid issues my device needs the support of men's underwear.  Being locked up is very much worth that minor inconvenience.

I am now a couple days shy of 4 weeks since my last full orgasm and  2.5 weeks since I was drained with a ruined orgasm. In the last 95 days I have only cum 3 times.

Between my cock being locked, Mistress calling me 'slave' occasionally (which I love), dressing feminine and having my orgasms heavily rationed, I am in heaven.  My head is spinning.  I am absolutely desperate for terrible treatment.  Or even sweet but humiliating treatment.  Or a major evening of servicing Mistress while I go without.  Anything really.  I can't explain it, I just know I yearn for it.

All of that being said, I don't have much time to post, so here are pictures of my mood today.

  

Meaner is better

We have a standing rule that I am to be locked in chastity whenever Mistress has her period.  Mistress started her period on Monday and they tend to last about 5 days.  On Thursday night Mistress came home form happy hour with the girls in a mood that I would call happy and horny, but not too horny.  She was kissing me more than usual, she climbed onto my lap, she playfully spanked me a few times and was generally aggressive.  I liked it.  Mistress asked me if I was a good boy that day.  Since I have been trying to get Mistress to be meaner with me, I told her, no.  She mentioned that it was too bad because she was going to let me out of chastity.  I stated, "you really are having a hard time being meaner to me, aren't you?"  She said, no, she is not.  That was kind of the end of it, and yes, I did stay locked.

Last night at bed time I noticed that the trash can that had been emptied the night before had no tampon packaging in it, which means Mistress' period ended on Thursday.  That's why she was going to let me out.  I said I wasn't a good boy so she is doing a wonderful job of keeping me locked up.

Now I wasn't really a bad boy on Thursday, or any day for that matter.  I am generally pretty good and try hard to keep Mistress happy. However, I can pretend to be bad if that gets Mistress to be meaner to me.  I can confess to things that Mistress doesn't mind, but other women might.  I ogled at a couple of waitresses at the bar.  I used swear words.  I was speeding.  I can certainly be punished for mild bad (made up) deeds as much as major ones.

As we were going to bed last night I told her she needed to have her own mantra.  A way of reinforcing the idea of be meaner to me.  I came up with something.

Meaner is better

Meaner makes my slave happy

Meaner makes my slave obedient

Meaner is the same as nicer in my slave's submissive brain

Meaner makes my slave want to serve me even more

Meaner is better

Last night as I was falling asleep, I imagined all of the mean things Mistress could do to me.  Most guys would run at the thought of being treated this way and I think they would be the most exiting things she could do to me.  A lot of these things would suck to endure, but I know when it was over I would be in a deeper state of submission.  Other than her bringing a man into our D/s world, I can't imagine a thing Mistress could do to me that would upset me.  My head is spinning with the idea of begging for mercy and not getting it.  Mmmmmm.

   

Lately

I am going to start off with the thing that is highest in my thought process now.  Last night while sitting on the couch Mistress held up her glass and said 'slave'.  The word came out at least three times over the course of the evening and I absolutely loved it.  The thought of being called something that is not my name, nor a common nicety (baby, sweety, honey) and instead being called something most would find offensive (slut, bitch, slut, sissy, whore) is intensely hot to me.  The word slave is powerful and has multiple meanings to me, such as being under control, not having rights, owned by Mistress etc.  The other words mentioned are also hot and also relevant given my feminization fantasies and most of those words typically being used for degrading a women.  That being said, having my name ignored and replaced with something else is something I could get very used to and it makes my head spin with excitement.  A constant verbal acknowledgment of Mistress's acceptance of my submissiveness as well as confirmation of my status in our relationship.  What more could a guy want?

The next topic is dressing feminine.  In the morning, especially after a spray of perfume, I have little problem dressing feminine.  In fact I have been adding bra's almost daily and have been choosing my highest heels on the days I only get to wear them for a couple hours.  I am trying to be more and more feminine.  Later in the day is the real challenge for me mentally.  Yesterday I came home early from the office to work at home.  I should have changed clothes (and wanted to actually) but I got insecure and my stupid male masculinity took over.  I technically disobeyed a standing rule, but I didn't want to disobey.  It's one of those things I wish I had more control over and could obey without question.  It's where being held accountable and forced would help me out mentally submit over the long term.  While a punishment would certainly be in order I am not trying to top from the bottom.  A friendly reminder from Mistress that I need to go change would also work.  Adding the number of hours I am to be dressed every day would also help condition me to my afternoon drop in testosterone.  I want to obey.

Lastly, Chastity.  Mistress started her period yesterday.  That means I am to be locked up in chastity for the duration.  Why am I not locked up yet?  I have a nice Mistress.  Now Mistress is far nicer than I would be if the tables were turned.  The second I found out I was starting I would tell my slave to lock it up, even if it was in the middle of the night.  I would also wait to unlock my slave until the day after I was 100% sure I was done.  Even if that meant we had sex and he had to be locked back up because I wasn't quite done.  I would add extra 'reminders' of my period if the tables were turned, but am not giving any ideas.  Like I said, Mistress is nicer than I would be.  I am sitting here writing this, wanting to stroke my cock only because I know it will be locked soon (after my morning bike ride).  Generally I don't think about it, but when I am locked or will be getting locked I can't take my mind off of my cock.  It's one of the great misunderstandings about chastity.  I think a lot of women lock of their man's cock because he focuses on it too much.  Locking it up increases the focus, it just eliminates his ability refocus on something else.

Today's Mood

Locked in chastity until anal orgasms are obtained.

    

Public Play

We have been watching a TV show lately called 'The Sinner' with Jessica Biel and Bill Pullman.  In it, Bill Pullman's character is seeing what I am guessing is a pro-Domme or at least a kinky partner.  He keeps trying to break it off but he keeps coming back.  There are a few hints of their scenes, but the public one is what got me.  They both happen to be at the grocery store and it's during a time when he's told her he can't see her.  They see each other in the store down one of the aisles.  She takes a small box of oranges and dumps them on the floor and she just watches him.  You can tell he wants to walk away, but his submissive brain won't let him.  He walks down the aisle to the first orange.  He gets on his hands and knees and picks up all the oranges.  As soon as he is done, she walks off, leaving him with the oranges.  Hot!

That reminded me of the TV show 'Billions' with Paul Giamati.  Paul and his wife indulge in some Femdom and they also have a pro-Domme that they have have had sessions with.  Later in the series, Paul meets with the pro-Domme in a deli so that he can pick up the file she keeps on her clients.  He is about to run for public office and doesn't want anything to come back and bite him.  As they stand at the deli counter, they chat, but they don't even look at each other as they are trying act like they don't know one another.  As they end their meeting, she drops something.  She tells him to 'pick it up', and because he is submissive, he does.  I loved that scene.

Yesterday we had a bit of this ourselves.  Mistress and I ran to grab a quick breakfast so I just threw on some shoes without socks.  After breakfast we decided to go shopping instead of heading home.  I have been looking at buying a new pair of shoes and there were some good sales where we were at.  My toenails are painted a bright shiny shade of pink.  I had no socks, but wanted to try on some shoes.  I had to be careful, but the fear tuned me on.  Also, I tried on some pants in a few stores, so I had to take off my shoes in some of the dressing rooms.  I turned facing the wall so people couldn't see under the door and see my toenail.  I was also wearing panties, so seeing myself in the mirror in just a t-shirt, panties and painted toenails in a very brightly lit dressing room definitely added to my humiliation and fear of getting caught.  This was by no means a D/s shopping trip, but my brain certainly thought it was.

Just writing about it makes me want to escalate the experience.  Maybe I go shopping wearing a camisole and stockings.  Maybe Mistress drops something in every store we go into, purposely making sure it drops under a rack or at the register so I have to go on my knees to pick it up.  Maybe Mistress has me try on something that will embarrass me in a store with co-ed dressing rooms.   Maybe Mistress makes me put on women's clothes and we go for a ride in her car, a convertible. I fear public humiliation, but it also excites the heck out of me.

Also this post just happened.  It has public humiliation that may turn into a full blown scene.  http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2017/08/still-got-it.html

Follow Up:
I posted the other day about being put in the smother box and servicing Mistress for hours.  Yesterday I ran into this Tumblr post.  http://slavewade.tumblr.com/post/153972405403/mistress-bonnie-rotten-enjoys-using-a-locked-in 

    

Others being mean

I read a lot of things online about D/s.  What I am mostly drawn to is people being treated badly by their dominant.  I prefer women treated men cruelly, but there just aren't enough people that post about their experiences in a female dominant sense.  There are even fewer that post pictures.  This means I end up looking at many blogs and pictures of women being treated poorly when looking for pictures of a certain topic.  When I see these pictures of women being treated cruelly I don't fantasize about myself being cruel to women (although I could if Mistress would switch once in a while).  I fantasize about me being treated as much like those women as possible.  Here is a summary of some of the blogs I like to visit and get myself all worked up thinking it's me being treated this way.  I am fascinated by the cruelty.

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com - is my favorite.  They are a couple that seems to live a normal day to day life, but when they turn on the kink, they turn it on. The husband gets spankings I dream of trying but don't think I could take.  They bring witnesses and participants into his beatings and humiliation.  Then at the end of the day they go back to being a normal couple.

https://msscarletuk.wordpress.com - is one that actually scares me as much as it enthralls me.  She is truly cruel and I am mesmerized by it.  Some of her tortures include frequent application of Deep Heat to his cock and balls.  She also uses stinging nettles but I don;t know where to get those.  Ice cubes of her piss being delivered into his mouth drop by drop through a funnel gag.  A caning before he misbehaves and to set the tone for the day.  He spends hours 4-8 hours at a time tied to a bed with a hood on, blindfolded, his ears plugged, and those ice cubes so all he can think of is his evil Mistress.  She in turn binge watches a show or some other activity she enjoys getting turned on at the thought of his suffering.  She visits him every 30-60 minutes to refresh the Deep Heat or the ice cubes.  Lastly instead of letting him dress as a woman she makes him dress as a little girl.

http://kittydenied.tumblr.com a female sub that has to endure chastity, denial and lots of deep throating practice.  One of my favorite fantasies is pictured below.  Having my arms bound behind my back and being told to get to a certain number (not too low).  I would have to take the cock down my throat far enough to get my nose to hit the button.

https://greyhoundsowner.tumblr.com - my new favorite.  If only this was a guy being treated this way.  She it totally subjugated.  Her diet is controlled.  She has to use a litter box. She must wear heels at all times, if not, her heels are not allowed to touch the floor.  She is plugged at all times.  She is in chastity at all times.  She is tied to a bed or caged every night.  She is restrained for hours on end in very painful positions. He uses a cattle prod on her.  I can only imagine how terrible this would be to endure, but at the same time, I wish I were her.

A little more ball holding today for greyhound after our shower. I like putting her in a position that, at first seems fine, but after an hour or so it becomes harder and harder to maintain. That wood collar/yoke weighs about five pounds as well, so it’s kinda hard to stay like that. I sometimes leave her like this for the afternoon, and enjoy the sounds of her whimpering as her legs cramp. 

Greyhound sleeping in her straight jacket tonight!

This is “The Block”. It’s a 30 pound piece of wood (much heavier if solid, but I hollowed it out a little) that greyhound is required to hold. I use this to park her at times, giving her a task that she needs to focus on. She is not allowed to lower it at all, and as you can see, keeps it at about the same level, as instructed. 

I love putting greyhound on the perch. Sometimes she goes up there late morning, after her chores, and I leave her just like this for the rest of the day. As you can imagine, it’s very hard on her pussy, being tied down so she is planted firmly against the wood. Sometimes I come in and use the cattle prod to make sure she’s still awake. 

Here are some other "go to" sites, but not as mean as the folks above.

https://keephimcaged.tumblr.com/ A Wife's Guide To Male Chastity And Cock Cages
 https://keephimcaged.tumblr.com/ A Sensual Domme's World: Female Led Relationship, tease & denial, pegging, chastity, guys in lingerie and more.  These are both filled with images and ideas that make my head spin.

http://saragirlsissyconfessions.blogspot.com I love this one for the sissy and chastity imagery.  Very feminine stuff.  There is a lot of cuckolding in this one which I am not into (unless Mistress finds a woman to cuckold me with :-)

https://dominajen.com  This is the blog that taught me the disobeying is a reaction to insecurity. Instead of backing down when a slave disobeys, it's time to double down.  I also like reading about her taking her feminized slave out in public.

http://totallysubjugated.tumblr.com -  A Tumblr blog devoted to the overall surrender of control. To be caged, boxed, confined; to have your freedom and choice of movement eroded away. To become completely and totally, subjugated.

Defiance

Being in a loving relationship is wonderful.  We rarely fight, are each other's best friends and everything is really good.  When things are wonderful, you want to treat each other really, really well.   And we do.  That's a problem in a D/s relationship when one person's idea of being treated well is most people's idea of being treated poorly.

Last Saturday, Mistress was pretty physically brutal with me.  He words were also tougher sounding than normal which was music to my ears.  All week she has been a bit more feisty around the house with me which has been great.  All week I have replayed not only the scene, but Mistress' comments over and over.  My bruises are fading and my libido is back through the roof, and I am yearning for some harshness.

All week I have been dreaming of being dressed feminine at night, when it's particularly more humiliating for me.  I imagined my ass being plugged while sitting on the couch.  I imagined being tied face down and beaten as well as face up and having my nipples and cock tortured.  I imagined Mistress sitting on the floor at Mistress' feet and giving her a foot massage.  I imagined her putting a tightly laced corset on me in the evenings just to make sitting difficult.  I imagined having to wear feminine items other than my nighty to bed at night.  I imagined being tide down to the spare bedroom bed all night with the smell of perfume all around me.  I imagined being tied to a chair all dressed up while we watch our evening programs.  I imagined lots of mean things happening.   

All of this has had me questioning on what would happen if I acted out or was defiant.  It's a common topic in D/s relationships where it's 'topping from the bottom' or being a 'brat' all with the intent of forcing a reaction. In my fantasy mind I would say 'no' to something or not do something, or be snarky and then Mistress would take me over her knee or tie me down and beat me, etc.  That would be hot.  In reality, I don't think it would work and it wouldn't be much fun for her.  She wants to be obeyed and respected and I want to obey and respect her.

As I was writing the above paragraph, I had an idea.  What if there were certain behaviors that were agreed upon that could I could do to signify a desire to be dealt with harshly?  Pretend defiance so to speak.  A playful way for me to be a brat in a way that is good for our overall relationship.  'Forgetting' to repaint my toenails.  Sticking my tongue out when asked to do something.  I would still do what was asked, but the tongue would be a signal.  Grabbing Mistress in a forceful manner.  These could all be signs that I am wanting to act out, but also wanting to respect what we have.

I want to be hurt and treated mean, in a loving way.  Talk about contradictory!

    

     

Escalation

This morning, I wasn't feeling the least bit submissive or horny.  I knew a quick spray of perfume would fix that.  And it did.  I went into the spare bedroom to pick out an outfit.  Something simple.  That didn't last long.  I went from thinking I would wear a dress and low wedges to wearing a bra, panties, skirt, blouse and my 5.5" white strappy pumps.

I went from 0-60 in just a few minutes.  As I put on the dress I wasn't feeling it.  I knew I had to do more.  I yearned to be more feminine.  To make things challenging.  I shuddered thinking about the marks the bra will leave on my, especially when I ride my bike later with my shirt off.  I made a conscious decision to make walking more difficult as these heels make me take short delicate steps compared to the shoes I have planned on wearing.

That's the beauty of the head space I am in.  I want to push a bit more.  Be a bit more uncomfortable.  regardless of what I am doing, there is likely a way to make it tougher.  Just thinking about it makes my head spin.

Today's Mood 

via GIPHY
 

Harsh treatment adds fuel to my fire.

I am very worked up again today.  I just realized that the reason I am so worked up is due to the way Mistress treated me on Saturday.  It's the fact that my toenails are painted according to her specifications and not mine.  It's because I still have bruises in the insides of my thighs.  It's because the perfume I am wearing now reminds me of a pair of panties on my face.  It's because my groin muscles hurt from being tied spread eagle so tight.  If I was a normal guy I would not want to repeat Saturday, but because I am not normal, I not only want to repeat it, I want to endure even more.

Last night I woke up a few times.  I was imagining bad treatment.  I imagined the cage being moved into the spare bedroom so Mistress has easier access to lock me up.  I imagined Mistress setting out my underwear for the day - every day.  The underwear just so happens to be the dirty ones she wore the previous day.  I imagined Mistress making me start eating cum again.  I imagined wearing the shocking dog collar on my balls.  I imagined Mistress taking me back to the thrift store to add to my wardrobe as I will be wearing fewer and fewer men's clothes.  I imagined Mistress waking me up before she got out of bed this morning to go make her coffee.  I imagined true nipple torture.  I imagined more and more anal intrusions.  I imagined Mistress making me walk on the treadmill in heels.  I imagined Mistress making me kneel on rice or putting rice on the bottom of the cage.  I imagined Mistress and I using one toy a day from our large collection of D/s items.  It would be nice to find some new things Mistress could use to torment me and make my life harder.

      

Smothered Fantasies

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Harsh Treatment - Yay!

Mistress and I recently had an anniversary.  Last night Mistress gave me a very memorable anniversary scene.

We came home after a couple drinks at a local bar.  We both had the right amount of buzz in us.  Mistress said she wanted to tie me up and I was more than happy to oblige.  Looking back through the blog, the last time I was tied up was March 28th.  I ran upstairs to take a shower and Mistress got out some champagne.  After my shower I got our bed ready for our adventure.  I pulled the restraints out from under the mattress, and put towels on the bed.  I pulled out all of the toys and laid them on the dresser.  I put on 2 ankle and 2 wrist restraints.  I put a large rubber band around each thigh as well as a blindfold over my eyes.  I proceeded to tie 3 of my limbs so Mistress would only have to restrain one.

Mistress came upstairs.  She finished tying me up.  It was then that I realized I had forgotten to put my perfume on.  I mentioned it to Mistress and she grabbed a pair of panties out of my panty drawer.  She sprayed a bit on the pair of panties and then put them around my head and over my nose.  I was instantly in a trance.  I can't explain it, but that perfume does that to me.

Mistress also added extra rubber bands to my thighs before tying me back down.  I don't remember the exact order of events, as it is now a blur, but I was well used.  Before the scene was over Mistress had massaged my prostate with her fingers.  She had inserted a dildo in my ass (unfortunately she wasn't wearing it).  I had clothespins on my balls and my nipples (my favorite).  She managed to hit me in the balls more times than I can count all while stroking my cock with a well lubed hand and a Hitachi vibrator.  I have multiple bruises on my thighs of where the rubber bands inflicted their excruciating pain.

Mistress had me so worked up that I was running at the mouth with confessions of how badly I wanted to be treated.  Everything ended with Mistress making me cum against my wishes.  Even though I came hard it was also a ruined orgasm.  She stopped or slowed down a bit when I started cumming so I lost that complete drain that can happen and then she kept stroking me to where I was laughing hysterically.  I was spent.  Or so I thought.  I woke up early this morning completely on 10 again.  I wanted to wake Mistress up and have sex but also want her to sleep.  My mind is racing with thoughts and I can't stop it.  Here are some of the thoughts I had while being tortured and some follow up thoughts.

• Feminization.  I begged for more and more feminization and I believe Mistress will enforce it.  Failure to either follow instructions or self feminize myself will be dealt with harshly.  I hope.
• This post https://missbossybitchsboy.blogspot.com/2017/08/enroute.html caused Mistress to comment on it last night.  I imagine coming home to an outfit by the door as soon as I enter the house.  Or a butt plug, chastity device, restraints, or certain notes.  I can't even enter the house without following the instructions first.  So hot!
• Harsher treatment.  Mistress was pretty mean last night with her actions as well as her comments.  I would like to be able to say I was scared or taken back by it, but I wasn't.  I am absolutely enthralled by it.  I begged to be treated as harshly as possible.  The thought of actually safe-wording or begging for less harsh treatment makes my cock hard.  If Mistress can get me to dread something in the D/s realm, she will have done something I didn't think could be accomplished.
• Scent training.  My perfume is working well.  I also begged Mistress to scent train me in other ways.  I imagine being restrained and having her socks or panties after she works out being put into my mouth and over my nose.  I can't explain why, but the idea turns me on so much.
• Order.  Being ordered to do things.  Being made to wake up to make Mistress her coffee.  Being made to change outfits throughout the day.  Being told to fetch items upstairs, not because Mistress is lazy, but to keep me obeying without question.
• The cage.  I get the feeling I will be experiencing the cage again soon.  Mistress seems to like it and I can't argue with its effectiveness, especially when combined with other items (straight jacket, heels, bondage, etc.)
• Chastity - More of it.
• Shocking collar.  I mentioned using it and Mistress seemed to agree in another context.  The thought makes me shudder.
• Challenges.  I am dreaming of Mistress making me do things with the sole intent of trying to get me to say 'no' and then punishing me for saying no.  

  In closing, Mistress has me so worked up with how she treated me last night and her comments make me hope for most of what she said to come true.  That would be heavenly.

On the road

I'm currently on the road for work.  Mistress made sure to keep me in check.  I have my toenails painted pink and I am in a nighty.  She also gave me permission to edge, but not cum.

Before I left home I downloaded some videos to a flash drive to play on my personal PC. I picked out a video figuring I would edge a bit before going to bed.  What I found was that the text on the video got me so wound up that I wanted to cheat and cum.  Instead I decided to divert my energy to a blog post and use it to keep me wanting to be a horny little slut that purposely denies my own orgasms.

Here are some screen captures of the video and the words that got me so wound up.

True...

She took a good long time to milk his prostate with a prostate toy.  This technique definitely works, you just have to be patient.  There is no joy in it from the submissive's perspective.  He is drained without even coming close to orgasm.

I clearly have the feminization trigger. 

Nothing like sucking on a big dildo. Check out those eyelashes.

I love the last sentence.  I so want to be degraded in a way that would make Mistress happy.

A high heel in the ass.

I think prostate milking is even worse since there is no pleasure.  At least with a ruined orgasm you get close to orgasm.

As soon as she gets a bit of cum to come out, she stops edging him and then twists and squeezes his balls draining them of cum.  The pain looks terrible, but effective.  He wishes he didn't leak.

Me wanting to cum so bad, but wanting to deny myself even more.  I love having my toenails painted.  I have to be very careful this time of year to not get caught.

Pro-Domme fantasy

There is a blog I read every chance I get.  It's Strict Julie Spanks!  I like it because she really seems to like to take control, she's very imaginative, and she really does push her husbands limits (more than I think I could take).

Her primer on how to properly beat a man turns me on and scares me as well http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2013/03/beating-your-man-properly.html

She recently posted about a scene she did with a Pro-Domme and her husband.  I frequently fantasize about Mistress and I visiting one and this true story sounds like it would have been a blast.

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2017/07/punished-by-mistress-violet

One paragraph that makes my cock swell in its cage

Violet took command and ordered david to strip. He started removing his clothes. Of course I had him dressed in panties for the occasion, and Violet had a good laugh over that. These are them.

Can you just imagine my poor husband, stripped down to these panties in front of an attractive other woman? He was blushing at the fact that Violet saw him being panty trained like this by his wife.

I don't want to spoil the story with additional commentary.  It's just that this story had been rolling through my head for days.

Enroute

I have a new job and getting started is more stressful than I imagined.  I found myself thinking about work instead of sleeping.  I figured if I wasn't going to sleep, I could at least think about things other than work so I started letting my mind drift to more sexual topics.

The first topic is 'enroute'.  Mistress and I text each other when we are on our way home from just about anywhere.  While trying to go back to sleep I fantasized about what 'enroute' could be used for.
I imagined texting Mistress 'enroute' on my way home. Mistress would reply to meet her in the bedroom.  I would come home and go upstairs.  There I would find her in bed using the Hitachi on herself.  She woud tell me to strip and join her in bed.  Still locked in chastity I would use my fingers, mouth and the Hitachi to make her cum as may times as she wished.

I imagined Mistress out with friends.  She would text 'enroute' followed with instructions to have myself tied to the bed, blindfolded with white noise playing in my ears.  I wouldn't know when she walked in the room to torture me.

Lastly, the scariest 'enroute' text I can imagine.  Mistress texts me 'enroute', garage'.  This means she is close to home and I am dressed in women's clothes.  I am to go into the garage and stand in the middle of the garage and wait.  Mistress would open the garage and I would have to stay standing there until she got parked and out of the car, releasing me from my position.  In theory, I wouldn't be exposed, but not knowing what was on the other side of the garage door would be very scary for me.

Some other things I thought about.

Chastity.  I have spent nearly 20 years looking for the 'perfect chastity device'.  I realized there isn't one.  Instead it's a series of devices.  Much like we don't wear the same article of clothing day in and day out, it's the same with chastity.  I realize I could stay in 24/7 chastity just by changing devices every few days.  Going back and forth between my PA device and my ball trap device ensures that neither my balls nor my PA hole have long term issues.   The discomfort goes away as does the attitude that the discomfort creates.

Oral Sex.  Mistress is a huge fan of penetration.  For that reason I don't get to spend as much time between Mistress' legs as much as I would like to and as much as a chaste slave should.  I fantasized about spending a minimum of one hour (on a regular basis) going down on Mistress.  Not necessarily with the intention of making her cum, although that would be a plus.  It's more to worship her body and to remind me of my place. I like to think about it more in a tantric sense vs a sexual act.  Also, I think being locked up while servicing Mistress is one of the hottest things on the planet.  I imagine her drinking a glass of wine, on her phone, ignoring my efforts.  I would feel like such a slave.

        

       

Back and Forth

My libido is in such a state.  I have so many erotic chemicals running through my body that my mind is confused on what it wants.

As I write this, I want to cum so badly, but I also love this feeling so I don't want it to ever stop.

I am so tempted to reach up under my skirt and stroke my cock until cum my eyes roll back into my head and I have a mind blowing orgasm.  At the same time I am so happy I am locked up, so it's not even a choice.

I want to be out of chastity, but I love that Mistress is taking ownership of her property (and teasing my cock) and for that reason I want to stay locked.

I want to be dressed as feminine as possible for as many hours a day as possible.  Wearing masculine clothes in the evenings is an escape when I really don't want to be able to escape.  In the mornings it's easy to dress.  In the afternoon and evenings, it's a challenge and I love it when Mistress challenges me.

I want my ass to be filled with a huge fake cock or plug, but at the same time I don't.  

I want to be locked in the cage in the basement, but I know I would hate it, and I would love it.

These are all examples of the back and forth my mind is going through.  I love the way my brain works in these situations.  I love how helpless my endorphins and testosterone makes me.  I love thinking of all the nasty things I want to do, full well knowing I would be so ashamed if I did.

Some pics that speak to me.

 



       

Gotta Run, but have to post

I've got a very busy day ahead of me, but I have so many things running through my head that I have to post them real fast.

• My last orgasm was June 16th, so I have gone 7.5 weeks without one.  My all time record is 72 days.  Just typing that made my cock swell uncomfortably in my chastity cage.

• Yes, I am back in chastity.  Mistress started her period last week which means I have to be in chastity for at least the duration of it.

• Mistress unlocked me so that she could use my cock for her pleasure.  Her period is now over, but I am still locked.  She was going to give me a day out of chastity, but I am now at the point I convinced her that I should be locked back up immediately after sex.  There is something much hotter about being locked up after being used than just being used.  It seems more cruel.

• I have a new job which means I can't be dressed up as much during the day.  Mistress is aware of this and is working on other ideas to keep me feminized.  Obviously the days I am home I can be dressed, maybe the days I can't I have to be dressed at night.  Under clothes are always a good option.  Painted toenails are coming soon as well.

• I am so horny right now.  Mistress is at the gym.  If I weren't locked up, I am 90% sure I would be edging myself right now.  I wouldn't dare sneak an orgasm, but after so long without cumming accidents do happen.

Here is a perfect example of how I am feeling today.