Defiance

Being in a loving relationship is wonderful.  We rarely fight, are each other's best friends and everything is really good.  When things are wonderful, you want to treat each other really, really well.   And we do.  That's a problem in a D/s relationship when one person's idea of being treated well is most people's idea of being treated poorly.

Last Saturday, Mistress was pretty physically brutal with me.  He words were also tougher sounding than normal which was music to my ears.  All week she has been a bit more feisty around the house with me which has been great.  All week I have replayed not only the scene, but Mistress' comments over and over.  My bruises are fading and my libido is back through the roof, and I am yearning for some harshness.

All week I have been dreaming of being dressed feminine at night, when it's particularly more humiliating for me.  I imagined my ass being plugged while sitting on the couch.  I imagined being tied face down and beaten as well as face up and having my nipples and cock tortured.  I imagined Mistress sitting on the floor at Mistress' feet and giving her a foot massage.  I imagined her putting a tightly laced corset on me in the evenings just to make sitting difficult.  I imagined having to wear feminine items other than my nighty to bed at night.  I imagined being tide down to the spare bedroom bed all night with the smell of perfume all around me.  I imagined being tied to a chair all dressed up while we watch our evening programs.  I imagined lots of mean things happening.   

All of this has had me questioning on what would happen if I acted out or was defiant.  It's a common topic in D/s relationships where it's 'topping from the bottom' or being a 'brat' all with the intent of forcing a reaction. In my fantasy mind I would say 'no' to something or not do something, or be snarky and then Mistress would take me over her knee or tie me down and beat me, etc.  That would be hot.  In reality, I don't think it would work and it wouldn't be much fun for her.  She wants to be obeyed and respected and I want to obey and respect her.

As I was writing the above paragraph, I had an idea.  What if there were certain behaviors that were agreed upon that could I could do to signify a desire to be dealt with harshly?  Pretend defiance so to speak.  A playful way for me to be a brat in a way that is good for our overall relationship.  'Forgetting' to repaint my toenails.  Sticking my tongue out when asked to do something.  I would still do what was asked, but the tongue would be a signal.  Grabbing Mistress in a forceful manner.  These could all be signs that I am wanting to act out, but also wanting to respect what we have.

I want to be hurt and treated mean, in a loving way.  Talk about contradictory!