Fear

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Terrible Orgasms

I have been getting in a deeper state of desire over the last couple days.  Being locked in chastity and having my ass plugged seems to be a perfect cocktail to get me hornier by the hour.  Last night, after Mistress and I got out of the hot tub, Mistress was showing off her pedicure.  I tentatively licked and sucked one of her toes.  She didn't stop me so I kept going.  Then I got a bit of encouragement.  I was in heaven.  I frequently fantasize about licking and sucking Mistress' as well as kissing her feet and shoes.  I really wish I could do it more often.

Last night as we were falling asleep, Mistress told me that I would be plugged for 3 hours today.  My plug went in at 5:58 this morning, so this particular task should be done by 9am.  This is the 3rd day in a row of being plugged.  It's possible this is a record, but I can't be sure.  By the time Mistress' period is over it certainly will be a record.  I have also noticed it's a bit easier to get the plug in.  I don't have to push in and out as much before I push it all the way in.

Plugging myself first thing in the morning, in addition to my perfume and the clothes I have to wear, I start my day feeling a desperate form of sluttiness and erotic humiliation.  The more Mistress requires of me, the more I want to experience.  Instead of pushing back, I want to go deeper.

After I wrote yesterdays post that touched on having my next orgasm be terrible in some way, I have been thinking about other ways to make it awful.  Not because I want an awful orgasm, I just want to have zero control over what happens to me.

I have been fantasizing about having to impale myself on Mistress' cock.  At some point she would make me cum and lick it all up.

After licking Mistress' toes last night, the idea of having to masturbate on her feet and lick them off sounds humiliating, especially if I had to wait for the cum to cool.  The 3rd picture looks like a ruined orgasm to boot.

Having to cum in chastity and stay locked up seems particularly cruel.  Even worse, saving it to consume later.

Being stimulated with painful electricity during and after an orgasm would be on my list of fears.

 Having a clothespin zipper looks very hot but would be so amazingly painful.  Maybe that's a good thing.

Having my balls punched or squeezed every time I got close to orgasm would likely make me cum, but would prevent an actual orgasm.  Probably the worse kind of ruined orgasm.

I have read of this scenario many times, so I was surprised how hard it was to find a picture.  The premise is that the slave doesn't deserve to cum with a person.  He has to have humiliating sex with a doll (male or female doll).  After orally performing on the doll for an extended period of time, he is told to orgasm.  Afterward he has to clean off the doll with his tongue.  The stories I recall had the Mistress taking pictures and video so that she could use them in further humiliations.  Or even worse, doing this with others in attendance.  Some good public humiliation.

As I read back through this post and look at the pictures, I am actually disturbed by some of the ideas I came up with.  Most would be a challenge for me and some would outright suck (no pun intended).  That being said, I know I would look back when my libido recovered and be extremely turned on.  I take a certain amount of pride of having to endure something that I don't want to endure.    

Thoughts of torturous orgasms

For a guy that is trying to set a personal orgasm free record I am surprised on today's fascination with ruined orgasms along with post orgasm torture.  One down side to long term denial is the eventual orgasm isn't as good as one every few days.  

There are several ways that I find arousing.  The best one is a long slow tease.  Without even getting close to the edge.  Going mad because even the feeling of orgasm is so far away.  After a sufficient amount of time, some edging.  

I can't say for sure as I don't remember, but it seems the best torture is to be edged close enough to the edge but with zero intention of allowing an orgasms.  Working my cock time and again until I end up dripping several seconds after Mistress stops stimulating my cock.  The goal being that I leak several times with never approaching orgasm until I am completely drained.  

The next worst would be similar to above, but eventually allowing an orgasm, but with us both knowing that when I do orgasms, the stimulation will not stop, no matter how much I scream and beg.  I love to think that Mistress could force a 2nd orgasm to torture me again.

Now I know I would hate either one of these.  The first I would hate the most as I wouldn't even get the pleasure of an orgasm.  I am guessing it's also the way I would be ramped up the soonest afterward.  

Having zero control over how Mistress would drain me is the only reason I find this concept so hot.  Knowing that my orgasm would suck would be such a mind fuck.  

I also believe that either option would necessitate the use of a chastity device for a few days afterward.  I don't think I could resist the desire for a real orgasm until my libido got built back up.  In addition to removing the desire to cheat, it would also make me hornier faster.

Here are some videos of ruined and tortured orgasms.

Maitresse Madeline Compilation

https://xhamster.com/movies/7376911/handjob_ruination.html

The best one ever

https://xhamster.com/movies/2775417/amber_rayne_femdom_handjob_ruined_orgasm.html

https://hcbdsm.com/video/ruined-orgasm-with-post-orgasm-torture-6881.html

http://www.xtube.com/video-watch/Absboi-intense-edging-and-cum-explosion-27289371

https://xhamster.com/movies/2737244/milked_from_behind.html

https://xhamster.com/movies/2644448/heavy_tied_in_plastic_to_post_orgasm_hj.html

https://hcbdsm.com/video/post-orgasm-torture-8712.html

https://xhamster.com/movies/6710740/5_orgasms_from_handjob_post_orgasm_torture.html

https://xhamster.com/movies/2635591/heavy_tied_9_mn_post_orgasm_handjob.html

https://xhamster.com/movies/3390799/handjob_on_tied_guy_with_post_orgasm_torture.html

Locked in the cage

Yesterday morning when I got up, I put on a skirt and sweater and then put myself into chastity as ordered.  I got caught up on work and then went to work out.  I had to change into my feminine workout outfit as Mistress doesn't want me wearing gym clothes around the house.  She wants something more feminine and formal.  After my workout I changed back into my skirt and sweater and went back to work in my home office.  After a couple hours I had to get ready to go see my customers.  The rule is that I have to wear something feminine under my work clothes and plain panties are frowned upon.  I picked out a pair of butt enhancing thongs, but I like to call them my spanking panties.  They leave the cheeks hanging out and perfectly framed so one can target the ass cheeks.

When I got home from work I got caught up on emails.  I was about to go get dressed back into my skirt and sweater but Mistress had me go get her some wine.  I quickly ran to the store loving that she ordered me to run an errand for her when I was ready to wind down for the day.  I felt very much like a slave.  When I got home I changed into my feminine outfit and headed back downstairs.  As soon as I got downstairs Mistress announced that tonight I would be in the cage.  I got a little flustered and got an immediate erection.  I really wasn't sure if she was going to go through with this.  She told me that in addition to my current outfit she would be adding high heels to my ordeal.  I was disappointed it was only heels as I had hoped she would do something more challenging, but I accepted it.  I set off to get some heels I could wear.  I picked out some ballet boots with 7 inch heels that I can only crawl in and a pair of strappy sandals with 5.5 inch heels.  Both pairs of heels have a hole in the ankle straps that can accommodate a small padlock to make sure they stay on.  I returned with both pairs of heels and Mistress informed me that my sentence would start at 7pm.  We ate dinner and watched some TV with me knowing what was going to happen.

Pierre Silber "Ballet" 7 inch Locking 

Pierre Silber "Domina" 5 1/2 inch Sandal 

7pm came around sooner than I expected.  Mistress had me use the restroom and put on my shoes. She chose the strappy sandals so that I could walk down the basement stairs to the cage.  Very unceremoniously she told me to get in.  I knelt down and crawled in.  She closed the door, put on the padlock and clicked the lock shut.  She then left the room asking if turning the lights off would be better or worse.  I told her worse so she turned them off and left the room.  

There I was, doing something I wasn't sure would happen.  The very first thing I noticed is how the high heels made being in the cage much more difficult.  They literally took 5.5 inches that I didn't have to spare away from me.  The straps were also tightened so that I could walk in them, but they were too tight to be able to point my toes back and forth.  I had to keep my feet in a neutral position.  I had been bummed about her only choosing high heels for my ordeal but they turned out being the hardest part of it.

The first 15 minutes were easy.  So easy I spent that time imagining ways to make it harder to endure.   I immediately thought of taking one of our spiked mats made for office chairs and cutting it to fit the cage so that the spikes would point up.  I believe those spikes would make an hour feel like 4 hours.  I remembered a blog I read where a master put a women's stocking filled with ice cubes on top of the cage so cold water dripped on his slave that was bound in the cage.  I imagined being retrained in addition to the cage.  Changing positions would be impossible.  I imagined wearing my leather hood with earphones in and white noise or feminization hypnosis tracks being played nonstop.  I imagined a dildo attached to a wall of the cage for me to suck on.  I imagined wood dowels pushed through bars of the cage so that a position would be forced for as long as Mistress desired.  In the picture below the cage is wide open, but the slave can't move.

After that first 15 minutes of trying to think of ways to make the cage more uncomfortable I shifted positions.  Even though I was locked in chastity I managed to play with myself enough to give myself some erections, but nothing even close to an edge.  I wished I had a toy for my ass since my cock couldn't have any attention.  I found I could open the little latch on the front of the cage and I could put my legs out so I could stretch straight.  I also realized my head could go out of the hole.  I imagined having to kiss Mistress feet through the hole before I got released.  I figured this was cheating so I closed the door and didn't try again.

So for the rest of my time I tried to stay comfortable.  I spent 70% of my time on my back, 10% on my sides and 10% on my knees and 10% sitting as upright as the cage would allow.  The high heels really kept me from getting comfortable.  Being fully dressed in feminine wear was very erotic and humiliating for me.  I used naughty thoughts to keep myself entertained in the dark.

After what seemed to be around 90 minutes Mistress came down the stairs and into the room I was locked in.  I asked her how long I had been locked up.  She said exactly 2 hours.  I told her it didn't feel that long.  She had the keys for my heels and gave them to me.  She then unlocked the cage, told me to take off my shoes and come upstairs when I was ready.  

As much as this was intended to be a punishment, it wasn't.  I was so horny and worked up that the two hours seemed like an hour and a half or less.  I was surprised.  I expected to be a pissy belligerent slave guy.  Instead I was deep in subspace and very horny.  I think my change in mindset made that possible.  Now that is not to say that the cage can't be a perfect punishment device.  It can.  It just wasn't this time.  Mistress is planning on me sleeping in it at some time.  I'm dreading that as I don't imagine that I will be getting much sleep.

While the cage didn't turn out being a punishment I believe it was a smashing success.  Mistress did something to me I didn't really think she had in her.  On top of that I think she is now more motivated to see where we can take this relationship.  I also think she has the tools and attitude to make my life as miserable and difficult as I yearn for.  I am very much looking forward to new and wonderful tortures and humiliations.        

          

Being meaner to someone you love.

This sums me up nicely

I sent Mistress a blog post to read that I found interesting.  She found another post it that same blog that she forwarded to me.  The post is about trying to maintain D/s in a long term relationship.  Here is the jist of the article.

"I've always found it difficult to be a good Domme to someone I love. For me, it takes a little distance to dominate someone well. But being IN love with my sub seems to make domming even more challenging for me. Cohabitation didn't help matters..."

Mistress seems to believe she has this same challenge.  She has a hard time being "mean" to me because of our closeness.  When we first started dating, Mistress came up with some pretty good and intense scenes.  She ordered me into chastity more readily.  She tied me up or dominated me in some other way almost every time we were together.  She would punish me for even being one minute late to our dates.  She would require me to be wearing panties, stocking and garters when we went to the movies.  She would text me several times a day telling me her evil thoughts.

Now dating for 6 years and living together for 5 years has us in a very comfortable relationship.  We have our routines and responsibilities that keeps us grounded.  We also get along with each other better than we have with past partners.  We both believe we are in the best relationship of our lives and wouldn't change that for anything in the world.  Now don't get me wrong.  Mistress can still be plenty mean.  She can beat the insides of my thighs until I am bruised and she can smack me in the calls until I can feel it in my stomach.  She has it in her.  I'm just hoping to get her to the next level as a sadist.  There is nothing that turns me on seeing her get dripping wet when she hurts me.

Mistress was speculating last night that if we weren't so close and familiar she thinks she could be meaner.  There just isn't a good way to test out this theory as we obviously aren't going to break up to see if she will be meaner to me.

She asked me to post to this blog the idea of having another Mistress come to our house and teach her how to be meaner to me.  For those of you reading this, please leave a comment if you have any input or ideas on this.

I can appreciate Mistress's point of view.  Our first couple of play scenes was with me dominating Mistress.  They went OK, but not great.  First off, she thought she was submissive.  I quickly helped her realize she wasn't.  When she was put in a situation that she couldn't get out of she fought back  (and not in a submissive way).  When I slapped her in the face several times, she didn't ask me to stop, but took it.  Again, not in a submissive way.  My attempt to Dom her stopped at that time and we started shifting to a female dominant relationship.

Now if Mistress kept insisting she was submissive, I would have kept going and kept trying.  So long as she was begging to be treated this way, I would push through, being sure to get both of our needs and wants met.  Would I have a harder time being "mean" after 5 or 6 years?  I don't think so.  If she wanted me to treat her badly (because she liked it), I really believe I could do it.

I don't see D/s or even intense and sadistic D/s as "mean".  To me, mean is doing something to someone with the intention of hurting them in a way that is purposefully negative.  In the context of a consensual D/s "mean" is a positive.

There are many activities in the D/s world that are barbaric to those on the outside.  Stun guns, waterboarding, breath control, needle play, cutting, branding, beatings, spanking, choking, pissing, collars, chains, rape, bondage, etc.  All of these items in a prison or a military setting are considered torture.  In the D/s world there are thousands of people worldwide that use many of these same things to have their needs met.  When done consensually a barbaric torture can be an erotic fantasy come true.

Now I can try to rationalize that treating me in bad ways makes sense, but that doesn't really address Mistress's problem of trying to be meaner to me in our day to day.  I don't want discount her insecurities as they are as real as my insecurities.  I would like for us both to push through our insecurities to take us to the next level.  Here are some random thoughts on this topic that popped up in my head about how to make this transition.  I do not intend for any of this to be topping from the bottom, merely ways to help promote dialog and set positive examples.

• Trust.  We have been together for so long I trust Mistress implicitly.  Because of this I can trust her meanness to be exactly what I need.  She can also trust that I won't ask for something I can't handle.
• Don't think of it as being mean.  A personal trainer isn't mean to his clients.  He pushes them past their comfort level and he challenges them.  Some people get sore after working out with a trainer, some even get sick because they got pushed so hard.  In the end the customer likes the experience so much they pay the trainer and schedule another appointment.  Is that mean?
• Have me be mean to myself as a demonstration.  I can be very mean to myself.  Would it help if I created a scene for Mistress to watch so she could see what I can endure?  I have dozens of self torture scenes or situations I can think of to demonstrate.
• Lock myself in the cage.  Mistress still has yet to do this to me.  I would get up early one morning or wait until she stepped out for an appointment.  I would lock myself up and toss the key out of reach and send her a picture of me locked up.  Would that help or hurt?
• Start watching porn videos or reading femdom blogs of real people.  I have collected a large library of all types of D/s movies and can recommend many blogs.  One of the things Mistress did when we first met is she watched a lot of porn and did a lot of research on D/s.  I believe that these things normalize the activities and makes mean seem not so mean.  It also gets the creative juices flowing.
• Have me find an online Domme or Dom.  Tell them our situation and have me follow their instructions while Mistress watches or participates at her comfort level.  
• Have Mistress find an online sub.  Someone she could practice on and see if distance creates an ability to be meaner.
• Some Mistress's have their slave sleep in a separate room and use a separate bathroom.  This creates the needed distance in their minds to treat their slave more slave-like.  A week as a test might be interesting
• Create different personas.  By taking on a character, you can compartmentalize the sadist from the loving partner.  I use my Sophia personality as an alternate personality to make being fully feminized more palatable.  If we ever went out in public I would be fully in my Sophia personality. 
• Find a pro-domme to mentor us.  I imagine a first appointment where I direct the torture.  I think it would a positive to see how much I would take.  From there, we could have the domme help Mistress with where she wants to take me.  I can also imagine Mistress seeing this domme dominate other men to see how common this desire to be treated badly is.
• 24, 48, 72 hours of pure D/s.  We plan a time for me to be a 100% slave.  I would have a safe word or 2, but unless I used it, Mistress could push as hard as she desires.  

In short, I would love it if Mistress were meaner.  We have all the time in the world so we can take small steps.  Just know that I am "all in".  I also want you to enjoy being meaner.  I will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

If any readers have any ideas, your comments would be appreciated.  

Breaking him erotically

I ran across a Tumblr blog that had a couple really good posts.  The first one is about a Mistress breaking her slave, but instead of doing it with pain, she did it with weeks of teasing and denial.  To quote her "A month and a half ago, my amazing, sexy husband agreed to three months of constant tease and denial, without release.  Since then, almost every night, 7 nights a week (and sometimes in the morning, too!), we work together to make me cum as much as I want, then I edge him intensely, over and over again, to my heart’s content."   

The thought of being mercilessly tied, teased and denied for days and weeks on end turns me on and it also scares me.  I can only imagine the things I would be willing to do just for the chance to cum.  The idea of giving Mistress dozens if not hundreds of orgasms while at the same time I would get none is something that excites me greatly. As much as it disappoints me, there is something very powerful when Mistress tells me "no" when I ask to cum.

The entire post can be seen here http://healthysexymarriage.tumblr.com/post/144465521427/break-him-carefully-halfway-there-a-month-and-a

After I wrote that, I found another couple doing it http://healthysexymarriage.tumblr.com/post/142086842407/saw-you-post-and-note-about-three-months-of

Sexual Sadism

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Teetering

It's been a while since I have posted as life just gets in the way sometimes.  There hasn't been much going on in my kinky mind except Sunday and today.  Sunday and today are hangover days.  Saturday night Mistress and I spent a night out of town with friends and we had a little too much to drink.  I woke up hungover and horny.  My mind immediately went to naughty thoughts.  I had imagined us going home and Mistress tying me down to the bed and teasing me for hours and not letting me cum.  We would watch TV in bed and she would torment my nipples and cock all day long.  Not practical, but still very thought provoking for my dirty mind.

Today I find myself in a similar situation.  I picked up my car this morning and on the way home decided to be a little naughty today. I told myself that I as soon as I got home I would lock myself in chastity, and wear something naughty.  When I got home I locked myself up, went into the closet and picked out one of the dresses that hang in the back.  A slutty dress isn't complete without slutty heels.  I went down to the locked closet and put some strappy 6 inch heels on (a true six inches, no platform).  I promised myself I would keep them on until 9am or until I finished this post and it's almost 9:30 now.  I made my breakfast and did some work and it was very awkward teetering in those heels, but exhilarating.

On a side note.  I had a recent dream.  I arrived at a house and walked in the front door.  Inside was a woman and she pointed me upstairs.  I went up into a bedroom and there was a man tied to the bed and blindfolded.  I shoved my cock in his mouth and fucked his face until I came and then I left.  I think he was reluctantly expecting it.  It was very quick and straight to the point, but surprising I had another dream where I was sexual with a man.  

Gym Torture

I workout a few times a week and because of how I am wired I think of all the naughty things you can do with the equipment.  I mean, look below.  This dungeon is set up very gym like.  Each piece of equipment having a purpose, open floors, pulleys and levers, mirrors, etc.

For that reason I dream up ways to be tortured or torture another if I had the chance.  I imagine being tied down to a bench, head lower so my ass is up on the air and having my ass beaten until I was in tears.

Or a predicament bondage situation.

Or given a beating

Or displayed and fucked by a machine

Or dressed in Femme and displayed or put to work.