Post before I chicken out

According to the page I track my orgasms on, I just passed the 3 week mark for an orgasm.  That's my orgasms.  I certainly hope Mistress has been making herself cum while I go without.  I find that when I get past 2 weeks my thoughts, fantasies and actions get much more bold.

For example, this morning, I was watching a couple Divine Bitches samples and edging myself.  Before I even got hard I started to feel like some cum was starting to escape so I stopped touching myself.  Before long a large drop of cum oozed out of the tip of my penis and the hole in my piercing.  Normally I would grab a paper towel or kleenex and clean it up and keep edging, but in the mood I was in I said "what the hell".  I scooped up the cum between my finger and thumb and cleaned it off with my tongue.  I tried to edge again, but between the cum, my spit and more cum, I was too sticky and I couldn't get the right feeling.  So I milked what I could and kept feeding it to myself.  I would say I managed to get 3 drops the size of the cotton end on a Q-tip into my mouth.  It didn't taste bad, or my horniness made it seem to not taste bad. I had the stickiness in the back of my throat for about 30 minutes.  Reading that back I am ashamed to admit I did that.  I feel like such a slut.

Before I got carried away I stopped and went to go work out.  But before I did I changed into these workout shorts.

While working out I planned the rest of my day.  I have a few hours of work to do in which I will keep wearing my femme workout shorts.  After that I will go shave my body, however this time I am going to mix a vial of perfume from my bag of makeup in my bathwater.  After I get my body free of hair I will put on a naughty pair of lacy panties.  If I don't chicken out I will also put on some clear mascara (or black if I am brave), tinted lip balm and a couple drops of the perfume I bathed in.  I will get dressed in men's shorts and a shirt and will go to the grocery store for items for dinner.  

I am going to post this and get to work before I chicken out.  It certainly is somewhat of a mindfuck about being this horny and the things I want to do....

Today's Mood

I am a guy's guy.  I like to workout and I like to have muscles and show them off.  I grow my facial hair even though I think it makes me look older.

Now take that above paragraph and contrast it with how turned on I get thinking about and wearing women's clothes.  Mistress has had me wearing nighties again and I have been wearing panites on my own but even that sometimes makes me insecure.

So although I am conflicted, I have found an amazing Mistress that accepts (and I believe enjoys) seeing me in feminine attire.  It makes my head spin when she gives me feminine orders.

While I like being a very masculine man and wouldn't change that, these guys gurlz make me a little jealous.

Another hot post from a blog

This one brought me to the edge many times...

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2015/04/another-ass-fucking-for-my-husband.html

Another Ass Fucking for my Husband

 That session with Kimberly the other day really renewed my interest in using my big dildo more frequently inside david's mouth and bum, but also in feminizing him for the experience.

Take yesterday, for example. I told him the evening before that we would be having sex yesterday. I told him "sex" would consist of:

1.  Feminized "schoolgirl" dressup for him: panties and bra, big jiggly breast forms, white blouse, short plaid skirt, and lipstick this time, for the cock sucking.

2.  Schoolgirl corner time with anal stretching added.

3.  A good sound spanking from me with belt, paddle, strap, and cane. To tears. Face down on the bed. Skirt raised, panties lowered to his knees, ass and thighs. Ball gagged.

4.  Him on his knees performing oral sex on my strap-on dildo like a pornstar.

5.  Him presenting bottom up to receive a good hard dose of anal intercourse.

6.  Face sitting with his tongue cleaning my asshole, inside and out, as I get myself off with my Hitachi.

7.  If he was a good girl through all this, I would allow him to stand in the corner of the bedroom facing me, lower his panties to his ankles, raise his skirt with one hand, and masturbate to climax while I read my Kindle reader. For inspiration he would be allowed to see my bare breast as he jerked.

8.  Any semen he ejaculated he would catch in his hand, place in his mouth, and swallow.

And you want to know what? Yesterday evening it happened exactly like that!

Isn't it funny how my idea of "sex" has changed so dramatically since I started spanking david a few years ago? I used to be the one dressing up, performing oral sex, and entertaining his penis in my pussy. Oh how the tables have turned!

If I want my boy to dressup as a big-breasted sexy schoolgirl then by goodness he obeys.

If it turns me on to whip his bare ass until the tears flow, he's well marked, and he's begging through his ball gag for me to stop, then by goodness he will submit to that for my pleasure.

If I want to make believe he's a little schoolgirl sucking her first cock, then by goodness he will get on his knees and suck my cock or consequences will be paid in full.

If it turns me on to bend him over the bed, flip his skirt up, remove his panties, and fuck his ass raw, then by goodness he will get his asshole fucked red and raw as the base of that dildo pushes up against my clit.

 And if his tongue cleaning my asshole inside and out makes me cum a little bit quicker with my Hitachi, then he will be on cleaning duty.

Yes, I'll indulge him after I've had my orgasms and allow him to jerk his little penis until it spurts. I'll even show him my bare breast for inspiration. I mean, if a man can't cum to the image and thought of his wife being sexual with him, he has no business cumming at all.

But if he's allowed this privilege he better not get even a single drop of his goo on my carpet! If he does, he'll be on the receiving end of dancing lessons across the back of the living room couch from a doubled-up leather belt every day for a week. And I never, ever go back on my word once a punishment is pronounced.

No, he must catch every drop in his hand, and then transfer it neatly into his mouth. Before he swallows he must crawl over to beside my bed, kneel, and open his mouth to show me the white goo on his tongue.

Then he must swallow it all down under my watchful eye. This is difficult for him. While he looks the part of a slutty, well spanked, well fucked little schoolgirl, swallowing ejaculate is still hard for him, and he hesitated.

We can't have that!

So, this time, to make things a little bit easier for him, I took him across my knee and used a hairbrush on his sore marked up bum while he held his goo tightly in his mouth. The pain and humiliation of a post-orgasm spanking across my knee from my hairbrush, skirt up, panties down, big breasts jiggling, while holding semen tightly in his mouth put him into the properly submissive state of mind as "the girl" in the relationship required to coat her tonsils with "her man's" precious ejaculate - every last drop. Or perhaps her eagerness to swallow simply results from her wishing to avoid a repeat performance of 100 additional stinging and ass-reddening hairbrush swats across her better half's knee with the cum still rolling around in her mouth.

We can't have that!

So, this time, to make things a little bit easier for him, I took him across my knee and used a hairbrush on his sore marked up bum while he held his goo tightly in his mouth. The pain and humiliation of a post-orgasm spanking across my knee from my hairbrush, skirt up, panties down, big breasts jiggling, while holding semen tightly in his mouth put him into the properly submissive state of mind as "the girl" in the relationship required to coat her tonsils with "her man's" precious ejaculate - every last drop. Or perhaps her eagerness to swallow simply results from her wishing to avoid a repeat performance of 100 additional stinging and ass-reddening hairbrush swats across her better half's knee with the cum still rolling around in her mouth.

Oh believe me, she showed me her cum-coated tongue and swallowed without hesitation this time!

I truly enjoy myself doing this, not the least of my enjoyment coming from the fact that despite his little protests, he is loving it too!

The comments are hot too.  http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2015/04/another-ass-fucking-for-my-husband.html

Feeling Slutty

I wanted to write this while my testosterone is still at its morning high.  I'm plugged with my largest plug, pantied, my fingernails are painted clear and my toenails are painted one shade pinker than clear.  Last night Mistress surprised me by making me wear a nighty.  After being in chastity all day and wearing the nighty last night, this morning's tasks have me hyper-sexualized right now.

I have to confess.  As much as I dislike the physical discomfort of chastity, it's more than compensated by what it does to my brain.  I am pretty much a helpless little slut right now even though I am not locked up.  Replaying the last couple times in my brain and how I felt has me very amped up.  I will probably regret what I just wrote, but I can't deny the effects of chastity.

I was so ramped up last night after being told to wear a nighty that I had a hard time going to sleep. I had so many naughty thoughts going through my mind, but most of them were not about my pleasure, they were about Mistress using my for her desires.  I fantasized about her going out with a friend of hers to a swingers club with me locked in a cage at home.

Today's fantasy...
If I didn't have so much to do today I can imagine me sitting here in just a bra and panties. My nipples clamped, the dildo gag in my mouth, a posture collar around my neck, high heels on my feet, restraints locked on my ankles and wrists.  I would be locked in chastity, and instead of a butt plug, Mistress would have me put a dildo on my ass.  Mistress would text me telling me I had to stay like this until she texted me back.  I wouldn't know if it was for how long.  My jaw would ache, my nipples would be on fire.  I would get a text, but it would be her saying she is watching me on cam.  She would tell me to rise up and down on the doldo in my ass.  She would taunt me about what a slut I have become.  She would be saving pics to humiliate me with later.

A couple things that spoke to me this morning.

Confession: this is on my wish list.

Shocking dog collar

Very Hot

 

This morning's edge - Hot Story

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Today's Edge - Very Mean Mistress Blog

In my post the other day regarding one Mistress giving advice to the other, I have been reading some of the more experienced Mistress's posts.  While a lot of what she does is extreme (in my mind), the fact she gets off on it so much is a very hot concept to me.  The meaner she is, the stronger HER orgasms are.  I edged to the posts below.  Some quick quotes that stuck in my mind and links to the full post afterward.

Subjecting him to hours of sensory deprivation bondage on the BDSM gynecological style bed –with visits for me, every hour or so, to tease and edge and deny, use my smacking ruler

http://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/2013/07/28/further-small-increments-of-bitchyness/


Had him in his shortened maid’s outfit with his suspenders and long cream woolen socks, (see previous post), to make my lunch, clean the bathroom, do a huge pile of ironing, prepare the evening meal. Caned him several times for infringements.

http://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/2013/10/01/the-interdental-brush-invading-somewhere-sensitive/


Again, he was completely secured to the bed last night for three hours. I had him wearing his straight jacket and I secured his head gear to the bed head, along with his ankles to the bed which are in cuffs, and wearing a gag, blindfold and ear plugs too.

http://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/2011/12/14/more-sensory-deprivation/


He was in the bondage for over 4 hours. I visited him about 6 times and I have never been so mean... 
 I had 6 orgasms in all on Sunday and they were all massive! There is no doubt the intensity is directly proportional to how mean I am

http://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/2013/11/26/the-big-6-o/


Soon enough he found himself bound legs wide apart, at ankle and knee, head strapped into place, silicone ear plugs, funnel gag, blindfold, straightjacket and baby video monitor. And there he stayed for 5 hours. Before the gag was fixed in place I did queen him for some lovely worship of my most secret places. (twice).

http://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/2012/03/07/yet-more-tsd-bondage/

Yesterday's Edge

I edged yesterday to a blog post I didn't expect would have any edging material.  The blog post was a back and forth bewtween 2 Mistresses.  One is currently in a D/s relationship, the one asking for advice was back in one with her husband after a long break.  She was asking for advice to get back to where they were (or more).  Here are some of the quotes that spoke to me (link to full post at the bottom).  While extreme, it was very, very hot.  Another possible "be careful what you wish for".

One question that I have for you is about the section in the book that refers to slave vs slave husband and the disconnect one must have in order to maintain the dynamic. I believe this really is my issue! I love my husband and think of him as my partner and anchor. Do you find that in your relationship with your slave that you have to disconnect from the love you feel for him as a husband? any tips on your end to achieve this disconnect?

My bitch-boy is submissive at his core. It is fundamental that I know that, although I subject him to things he really, really hates at the time they are happening, and his life is controlled, denying him many freedoms – the result is that the more I treat him this way, the more soundly he sleeps, the more contented he is during all our vanilla moments. And the worse I treat him, the more he obviously worships me. 

Yes I do shut off the dynamic and do some relaxing things together like watch TV and sleep in the same bed, discuss work problems, etc. However, even in these times he absolutely knows that I see him as my pet, my toy, my slave, my property – to do with as I wish. In the times in question, I wish for the dynamic to be off and he knows that it will be switched back on at my whim when I choose. And there is nothing he can do about it. (Except deal with it as best he can.)

However.. after reading your blog, talking with you and reading Ingrid’s book I am changing! After that first day of training and behavioral modification i felt this amazing power that I really have never felt before. last night when I had him restrained in his sleepsack and was punishing his cock with the icy hot and crop i felt even more power and his whimpering made me explode! I have never experienced orgasms quite like last night.. it was mind blowing!

A submissive will test you from time to time and this may have been a test. I believe they want things to happen that they genuinely do not like, because it proves to them that they are truly helpless and controlled.

My orgasms are huge! Its such a delight. I am not sure why. I think the fact that I accept completely that I am a cruel, heartless, sadistic bitch and that I can do whatever I want to my human toy liberates me to be both relaxed and cruel and decadent. I am not sure really.

The rest of the trip needless to say his behavior was exceptional !! Did I mentioned he was tied to that toilet for 5 hours :-)

I am not sure I am an expert but I can give you the benefit of my experience. I started by making bitch-boy (bb) wear woman’s pink knickers all the time. 100% Cotton so that he did not get all sweaty and nasty. My next step was an amazingly frilly pair of cream and pink knickers from a Sissy Adult website, to wear around the house on display when serving me. His utter shame and humiliation over these motivated me to go much further. Choices included French maid, School girl, little girl. I started with French maid.

bitch-boy is in for a very tough weekend today and tomorrow. He will be used and abused, humiliated and painfully hurt and he will be waiting on me hand and foot (when he isn’t helplessly bound!). I will let you know more next week. I had a working at home day in the week just gone. He went through a very tough time for 10 hours. I did not even release his little cock from its restraint tube. My orgasms were huge! He was very subdued by bedtime  which was very sweet.

http://msscarletuk.wordpress.com/advice/

Tried to edge - but couldn't

This morning, I was reading a post from a site I have read occasionally over the last 15 years.  It's one that guided some of my thoughts on submission, especially feminization.  She explains how she got into feminizing boys, and she had some parallels that are very close to mine.  While I was reading I was trying to edge to the article.  As I stroked my cock trying to get it hard, I started leaking. I was a mile from the edge, but the minor arousal had my prostate pumping out fluid.  I stopped, cleaned up the small mess and tried again.  By the time I got fully hard, I was leaking a larger amount, but I was still miles form an edge.  I think the tank is full so to speak.  To avoid any larger mess, I stopped attempting to edge and put it back in my pants.  I have never been a big pre-cum'er but I certainly was today.  Here is the full post http://akashaweb.com/updates/FFemwhyfree.html and some excerpts that spoke to me.

As a budding sadist, those first tender moments of honest, vulnerable male resistance were like crack cocaine. The innocent, pleading eyes. The fear of what it would turn him into. Just innocent teenagers, a boy could be easily persuaded to go along with something if it meant more kissing, or, simply, to make me happy. What boy didn’t want to be desired?

My later teenager years saw my sexuality shaped by erotically suggestive moments in two distinct groups: The totally new-romantic androgynous “pretty boy,” and the conservative bookworm and/or jock who only endured things like eyeliner or lipgloss behind closed doors. For me. And to endure these things made him feel shy, vulnerable, objectified. I was infatuated with one thing: Surrender.

Masculine men who are uncomfortable about appearing vulnerable make for very exciting feminization prey. I was totally intoxicated by the willingness of a man to explore androgyny (behind closed doors), and the inevitable embarrassment when the androgyny aroused him, despite his best efforts. It immediately put me in a position of power, because he was lost and not in control of his own sexual reactions. And, plus, I found androgyny to be incredibly sexy.


That’s when I learned that a pair of women’s panties was the ultimate tool for making a man squirm. Of course, at the same time, in my bondage exploits, I was learning that a pair of panties was also the most devious and effective impromptu gag, or could be used in a variety of tortures related to teasing and denial.

Today's Edge - Another Blog

Below is the text and pictures of a blog I have refernced a few times now.  This got me to the edge rather quickly today.  The post and come interesting comments can be found here http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-importance-of-strap-on-dildo-to.html?zx=9a5fb7bf46b14723


Wednesday, December 11

The Importance of the Strap-On Dildo to a Marriage

I consider the strap-on dildo to be an essential tool (pardon the pun) amongst any dominant wife's belongings.




We have all been genetically shaped and then nurtured to the traditional sex role models where the male is dominant and the female is considered submissive. Not even david and I can completely escape it, because those images and ideas are so culturally pervasive. So instead of escaping it, I use it. If the female is supposed to be submissive, rather than fighting that I make david assume the female role, and I the male role.

It starts with feminine lingerie such as panties, bras, stockings, and garters. I force david into those sorts of garments.



He is made to look ridiculous, but inescapably "the female" despite himself.




I myself tend to dress in a fairly conservative, business-like manner (it's what a woman needs to do to be taken seriously in business).



The mixture of me in my work clothes and david in his frillies uses those traditional sex role stereotypes to my advantage when dominating him.

It continues with his spankings. He must come across my knee, and I make sure he is hoisted into a very sexually submissive posture.



Also, I insist on vocalisations from him when it starts hurting. He is not allowed the dignity of the "male" stoicism when being spanked.

When he is in his frillies, and when he is being spanked, I refer to him in female terms. I remind him that he is carrying on like a little girl, for instance. Or if I see an erection, I tell him what a little slut he is.



This has the effect of using all those millenia of evolution and a lifetime of cultural programming as an aid in dominating him, whereas one might have thought it would be a disadvantage.

The effects are even more profound when there is a second woman there, such as my sister, to witness him and laugh at him in all his "femaleness".



While this "panty training" or "petticoating" is very effective, nothing beats the strap-on dildo to mess with those sex-role stereotypes and turn a hulking man into a very afraid little girl!



There is little better for reversing roles than making your husband  kneel at your feet, take a large lifelike dildo into his mouth, and perform oral sex on it, the deeper the better, with a hand on the back of his head for encouragement.



The only thing better is to flip him over, put his submissive pantied ass high in the air, rip off his panties, and force him to receive anal sex from the strap-on dildo.



As with other women, I will refer to his asshole as his pussy, and his penis as his clit, as in "reach behind and spread your pussy lips for me you little slut". Or, "do you like your little clitty rubbed as I fuck you, huh?" Or, "I'm going to pound this naughty little pussy so hard you won't be walking right for a week, bitch!"



I say things like that to reinforce that he is "the female" and I "the male" according to the traditional sex role stereotypes. That way I have all the evolution and all that cultural conditioning on my side, where it belongs.