On the road

I'm currently on the road for work.  Mistress made sure to keep me in check.  I have my toenails painted pink and I am in a nighty.  She also gave me permission to edge, but not cum.

Before I left home I downloaded some videos to a flash drive to play on my personal PC. I picked out a video figuring I would edge a bit before going to bed.  What I found was that the text on the video got me so wound up that I wanted to cheat and cum.  Instead I decided to divert my energy to a blog post and use it to keep me wanting to be a horny little slut that purposely denies my own orgasms.

Here are some screen captures of the video and the words that got me so wound up.

True...

She took a good long time to milk his prostate with a prostate toy.  This technique definitely works, you just have to be patient.  There is no joy in it from the submissive's perspective.  He is drained without even coming close to orgasm.

I clearly have the feminization trigger. 

Nothing like sucking on a big dildo. Check out those eyelashes.

I love the last sentence.  I so want to be degraded in a way that would make Mistress happy.

A high heel in the ass.

I think prostate milking is even worse since there is no pleasure.  At least with a ruined orgasm you get close to orgasm.

As soon as she gets a bit of cum to come out, she stops edging him and then twists and squeezes his balls draining them of cum.  The pain looks terrible, but effective.  He wishes he didn't leak.

Me wanting to cum so bad, but wanting to deny myself even more.  I love having my toenails painted.  I have to be very careful this time of year to not get caught.

Pro-Domme fantasy

There is a blog I read every chance I get.  It's Strict Julie Spanks!  I like it because she really seems to like to take control, she's very imaginative, and she really does push her husbands limits (more than I think I could take).

Her primer on how to properly beat a man turns me on and scares me as well http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2013/03/beating-your-man-properly.html

She recently posted about a scene she did with a Pro-Domme and her husband.  I frequently fantasize about Mistress and I visiting one and this true story sounds like it would have been a blast.

http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2017/07/punished-by-mistress-violet

One paragraph that makes my cock swell in its cage

Violet took command and ordered david to strip. He started removing his clothes. Of course I had him dressed in panties for the occasion, and Violet had a good laugh over that. These are them.

Can you just imagine my poor husband, stripped down to these panties in front of an attractive other woman? He was blushing at the fact that Violet saw him being panty trained like this by his wife.

I don't want to spoil the story with additional commentary.  It's just that this story had been rolling through my head for days.

Enroute

I have a new job and getting started is more stressful than I imagined.  I found myself thinking about work instead of sleeping.  I figured if I wasn't going to sleep, I could at least think about things other than work so I started letting my mind drift to more sexual topics.

The first topic is 'enroute'.  Mistress and I text each other when we are on our way home from just about anywhere.  While trying to go back to sleep I fantasized about what 'enroute' could be used for.
I imagined texting Mistress 'enroute' on my way home. Mistress would reply to meet her in the bedroom.  I would come home and go upstairs.  There I would find her in bed using the Hitachi on herself.  She woud tell me to strip and join her in bed.  Still locked in chastity I would use my fingers, mouth and the Hitachi to make her cum as may times as she wished.

I imagined Mistress out with friends.  She would text 'enroute' followed with instructions to have myself tied to the bed, blindfolded with white noise playing in my ears.  I wouldn't know when she walked in the room to torture me.

Lastly, the scariest 'enroute' text I can imagine.  Mistress texts me 'enroute', garage'.  This means she is close to home and I am dressed in women's clothes.  I am to go into the garage and stand in the middle of the garage and wait.  Mistress would open the garage and I would have to stay standing there until she got parked and out of the car, releasing me from my position.  In theory, I wouldn't be exposed, but not knowing what was on the other side of the garage door would be very scary for me.

Some other things I thought about.

Chastity.  I have spent nearly 20 years looking for the 'perfect chastity device'.  I realized there isn't one.  Instead it's a series of devices.  Much like we don't wear the same article of clothing day in and day out, it's the same with chastity.  I realize I could stay in 24/7 chastity just by changing devices every few days.  Going back and forth between my PA device and my ball trap device ensures that neither my balls nor my PA hole have long term issues.   The discomfort goes away as does the attitude that the discomfort creates.

Oral Sex.  Mistress is a huge fan of penetration.  For that reason I don't get to spend as much time between Mistress' legs as much as I would like to and as much as a chaste slave should.  I fantasized about spending a minimum of one hour (on a regular basis) going down on Mistress.  Not necessarily with the intention of making her cum, although that would be a plus.  It's more to worship her body and to remind me of my place. I like to think about it more in a tantric sense vs a sexual act.  Also, I think being locked up while servicing Mistress is one of the hottest things on the planet.  I imagine her drinking a glass of wine, on her phone, ignoring my efforts.  I would feel like such a slave.

        

       

Back and Forth

My libido is in such a state.  I have so many erotic chemicals running through my body that my mind is confused on what it wants.

As I write this, I want to cum so badly, but I also love this feeling so I don't want it to ever stop.

I am so tempted to reach up under my skirt and stroke my cock until cum my eyes roll back into my head and I have a mind blowing orgasm.  At the same time I am so happy I am locked up, so it's not even a choice.

I want to be out of chastity, but I love that Mistress is taking ownership of her property (and teasing my cock) and for that reason I want to stay locked.

I want to be dressed as feminine as possible for as many hours a day as possible.  Wearing masculine clothes in the evenings is an escape when I really don't want to be able to escape.  In the mornings it's easy to dress.  In the afternoon and evenings, it's a challenge and I love it when Mistress challenges me.

I want my ass to be filled with a huge fake cock or plug, but at the same time I don't.  

I want to be locked in the cage in the basement, but I know I would hate it, and I would love it.

These are all examples of the back and forth my mind is going through.  I love the way my brain works in these situations.  I love how helpless my endorphins and testosterone makes me.  I love thinking of all the nasty things I want to do, full well knowing I would be so ashamed if I did.

Some pics that speak to me.

 



       

Gotta Run, but have to post

I've got a very busy day ahead of me, but I have so many things running through my head that I have to post them real fast.

• My last orgasm was June 16th, so I have gone 7.5 weeks without one.  My all time record is 72 days.  Just typing that made my cock swell uncomfortably in my chastity cage.

• Yes, I am back in chastity.  Mistress started her period last week which means I have to be in chastity for at least the duration of it.

• Mistress unlocked me so that she could use my cock for her pleasure.  Her period is now over, but I am still locked.  She was going to give me a day out of chastity, but I am now at the point I convinced her that I should be locked back up immediately after sex.  There is something much hotter about being locked up after being used than just being used.  It seems more cruel.

• I have a new job which means I can't be dressed up as much during the day.  Mistress is aware of this and is working on other ideas to keep me feminized.  Obviously the days I am home I can be dressed, maybe the days I can't I have to be dressed at night.  Under clothes are always a good option.  Painted toenails are coming soon as well.

• I am so horny right now.  Mistress is at the gym.  If I weren't locked up, I am 90% sure I would be edging myself right now.  I wouldn't dare sneak an orgasm, but after so long without cumming accidents do happen.

Here is a perfect example of how I am feeling today.           

The Dress

All week I have been getting progressively more desperate, which is one of my goals with orgasm denial and D/s.  All week I have been upping my feminine dress.  Wearing bras, and my highest heels even though they are challenging to wear.  I have 2 dresses that most people would consider inappropriate for most women to wear in public let alone a middle aged man.  All week I have been wanting to wear one of them and have chickened out.  That ended this morning.  I had the perfect combination of horniness and testosterone so that when I sprayed perfume on my chest first thing, I was at the mercy of my libido.

I chose a peach form fitting dress with a cutout on the side, definitely the sluttier of the 2.

When Mistress came down the stairs and saw my I have a perfect rush of erotic humiliation.  I also really like the way the dress makes me feel.  It's squeezing me in a good way.  The height is perfect. I feel sexy in it.  I am also so horny I feel like outing myself a bit.  I need to get something out of the back of my car and the only way to do that is to open the garage.  I would never do it (during the day) but the temptation is there.  Or going out in the back yard just for the risk of being seen.  This combination of chemicals running through my body has me all worked up wanting me to push my boundaries.

This dress also makes me feel very slutty.  It's the kind of dress I imagine myself in, on my knees sucking on a huge cock.  Or being fucked like the slut I am.  A fake cock but a huge one nonetheless.  

This is one of those dresses that I feel I should be punished for wearing.  It's not appropriate and a 'girl' like me knows better.  

It's also one of the dresses I fantasize about Mistress making me wear when she ties me up so that she can cut it off of me.  

It's amazing to me how the right a dress can make me feel.  Actually, many items of clothing make me feel this way but with different fantasies.  Like they say, 'the clothes make the man' :-)

Getting Caught

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly horny.  The thoughts running through my head day-in and day-out are really starting to escalate.  I have to get out of the house early this morning and had contemplated skipping my feminine dress.  However, I am so under a spell right now that I couldn't resist putting on a skirt that is a little too tight, heels that are a little to high, and an unnecessary bra.

That brings me to one of the things I have been fantasizing about.  Getting caught and being penalized in some way.  I like the idea of Mistress searching for ways to catch me disobeying.  One example is doing a "panty check" at all times. The punishment could be severe or it could be something as simple as being forced to go put on panties.  Skipping perfume could be punished with a squirt of something undeniably feminine and over powering.  Not voluntarily going into chastity when Mistress announces her period would result in a punishment (some Mistresses make their slaves wear pads during this time.  Being punished for an outfit Mistress doesn't like.  When she notices that things she requires of me are being ignored or neglected, being called out on it, punished and the expectation put back in place puts butterflies in my stomach.

I fantasize that a lot of times I would be set up to fail, just for the purpose of punishing me.  Being given a task that she knows I will forget or not do and be dealt with appropriately.  I am fantasizing right now about pulling up my skirt, pulling down my panties and stroking my cock.  I imagine Mistress quietly coming down the stairs and catching me.  What would the punishment be?  How humiliated would I feel?  The thought of this is intoxicating.

         

Desperation

I am getting to that really good part of being denied for so long.  It's been 5.5 weeks since my last orgasm.  The yearning.  Turning every thought or situation into something sexual.  Becoming desperate to be treated harshly.  Mmmm.

Mistress used me the other day and didn't let me cum, not that I wanted to.  I love her using me solely for her enjoyment.  Going back and forth between my cock, my fingers and my mouth, giving Mistress multiple orgasms.  I keep edging myself in her pussy and really, really want to physically cum even though I mentally don't.  

Because Mistress is using me so well, I am in heaven.  My desires are more for me being used than for Mistress to do anything to me.  But I surely have my desires to have things done to me as well.

Recent fantasies are as follows.

Mistress has me dress up.  I could be feminine or in men's clothes.  She ties me down and then cuts my clothes off of me.  I have a fair amount of men's clothes that I don't wear, and some that I do wear that I am pretty sure Mistress would like to throw away.  I imagine her cutting those off of me before torturing me. As we like to say, "2 birds".  I also imagine having to get dressed up in my women's clothes.  She would pick out my outfit, one that she doesn't like or is "too slutty" and cut it off of me after I am tied down.  

 Another fantasy is Mistress using me orally several times a day.  Not just in our bedroom but on the sofa, at one of our desks, on the stairs.  Anywhere she wants to have an orgasm.

I have a couple more fantasies that I'll write about over the next few days.  

   

Today's Mood - Dildo Gag

This morning as I was trying to wake up, I was fantasizing about how well Mistress has been using me lately.  A combination of my cock, fingers and mouth working on Mistress's pussy with the sole intent to giving her as many orgasms as possible.  Unfortunately my cock is now so sensitive after a month of being denied that I have to be very careful about not going to far.  I have to use my fingers more and more.

My morning fantasy started to formulate like this.  Mistress has be tied down to the bed.  I have the inflatable dildo gag strapped tightly to my face.  Mistress mounts my face so that she is facing my cock.  As she commands me to fuck her with my face she relentlessly smacks my sensitive balls.  Several times Mistress would sit all of her weight on the dildo attempting to smother me.  My nose buried in her ass, me gasping for air.  My muffled screams vibrating the dildo causing Mistress to cum harder and harder.  Me being edged while Mistress has multiple squirting orgasms.  I get a buzz just thinking about it.

A nice video clip

 https://www.xvideos.com/video4169906/tall_brunette_fucks_tied_guy_with_dildo_gag_on_his_face

A non bondage way to use me.

 This last image and caption is particularly hot. Thinking about being fully feminized  and chasitzed and doing this to Mistress make my head spin.

Perfume and Orgasm Denial

I am consistently amazed at what a spray of perfume can do to me.  This morning I woke up, not really in a mood for femininity.  That changed within a few seconds of me putting on my morning perfume.  I went from trying to figure out the least feminine thing I could get away with wearing to getting dressed up in something classy and sexy.  I had initially gone without a bra, but I went back upstairs to put one on.  As I was putting my bra on I fantasized about Mistress adding items to my attire on particular days.  Something to up the stakes and make me much more aware of my situation.  Deodorant, perfume, panties, bra, inserts, heels, stockings, corset, anklet, bracelet, wig, clip on earrings, feminine ring, mascara, lipstick, nail polish, temporary fake nails, choker, etc.  There is something very hot about being given specific instructions.

I made sure to do the dishes this morning, as I like the way I look and feel when I am doing chores while I am dressed up.

The other day we had a spill in the refrigerator and I had to clean it up before it spread.  It was certainly harder being fully dressed and in heels.  Add to that, Mistress was in the next room working on something, so it totally made me feel like a slave.

As this post started I am amazed at how well the perfume works.  I can smell it almost all day as it drifts from my chest into my nostrils.  Every time it does it scrambles my brain a bit.  It's certainly more potent in the morning when it mixes with the testosterone that has built up all night.  Just thinking of how powerful it is made me fantasize of being tied to the bed and having Mistress spray perfume into a cloth or a pair of panties and secure it over my nose for an extended period of time.  Or adding a spray of perfume into a plastic bag before some breath play.  Or having my clothes in the drawers and in the closet sprayed with perfume.  I can also imagine other scents being used for this type of domination.

Lastly, my last orgasm was 3.5 weeks away.  I am loving the build up of desire.  I want to make Mistress cum, and cum, and cum, all while I am teased and denied.  I want her to be absolutely spent and worn out.  My fear is Mistress will make me cum too soon and I have to start all over again.  I am so pliable when I am this way.  So needy.  So willing to do anything.  It's a great place to be.    

  

Making things more difficult

This morning I could have chosen to wear something comfy  and casual and likely not been questioned on it.  Instead I chose my skirt and a top to go with it.  I could have just worn that, but I decided to add a bra.  Not because I like wearing a bra, but because it's more difficult.  Feeling the straps digging into me.  Making me aware of my every movement.  Making me feel humiliation at this extra feminine item of clothing.  I can ignore panties, but not a bra.

Then I decided to make my life even more difficult.  Instead of wearing my black platform heels I decided to wear my black strappy pumps.  The heels are 5 inches on both pairs of shoes, but the platform on the other pair makes the net heel height only 3 inches.  In my pumps, my heels are raised a full 5 inches.  I have to walk with smaller steps, making me that much more aware of my situation.  These shoes hurt my feet more than the others.  It's not about the shoes, as much as it's about the difficulty.

This concept explains why I wear a nighty.  I'd rather not.  However, the challenge, the difficulty, having to do something I don't like; that makes it all worth while.

The hornier I get, the more difficult I want things to be.  Today is 3 weeks since my last orgasm, so the more difficult the better.  Some of the thoughts I had about how to make life more difficult.

• Having to wear a thick leather collar when home

• Shackled all day

• Corset
• Stockings, garters, hose, etc
• Makeup
• Sitting on a spiked mat 

There are obviously lots of ways to make a slaves like more difficult.  I love/hate the thought of it!

      

In one of those moods

This morning I woke up in an extra horny mood.  I don't know why it is, but some mornings I wake up ready and willing to do anything.  The naughtier the better.  Today is one of those moods.  I got up and put my perfume on which took me to an even deeper level of desire.  I went to the extra bedroom where I keep those clothes and picked out my shoes first.  As soon as I did I knew I wanted to wear my shortest skirt.  The challenge was finding a top and when I did I decided to wear a bra with it today.  My panties are in the main bedroom where Mistress was still sleeping so I chose to go without, secretly hoping for some sort of consequence for not wearing panties.

So here I am typing this post with m head spinning. Sitting at my desk trying to keep good posture which forces the cups on my bra out.  Sitting like a lady with my knees and ankles together.  My perfume drifting up into my nostrils making me swoon.  Fantasizing about being Mistress little slut.  Mistress making me change outfits.  Mistress making me walk into the back yard.  Mistress making spend time in the cage.  Mistress making me do some chores around the house in my outfit.  Mistress making me perform with our sex toys.  Mistress teasing and denying me all day until I am in tears.  Mistress making me wear shackles all day long.  A nice long beating.  The list goes on.

In short, I am in one of those moods where I would do anything, even those things I would later regret. Sometimes it's good to be in this head space.