Thoughts of torturous orgasms

For a guy that is trying to set a personal orgasm free record I am surprised on today's fascination with ruined orgasms along with post orgasm torture.  One down side to long term denial is the eventual orgasm isn't as good as one every few days.  

There are several ways that I find arousing.  The best one is a long slow tease.  Without even getting close to the edge.  Going mad because even the feeling of orgasm is so far away.  After a sufficient amount of time, some edging.  

I can't say for sure as I don't remember, but it seems the best torture is to be edged close enough to the edge but with zero intention of allowing an orgasms.  Working my cock time and again until I end up dripping several seconds after Mistress stops stimulating my cock.  The goal being that I leak several times with never approaching orgasm until I am completely drained.  

The next worst would be similar to above, but eventually allowing an orgasm, but with us both knowing that when I do orgasms, the stimulation will not stop, no matter how much I scream and beg.  I love to think that Mistress could force a 2nd orgasm to torture me again.

Now I know I would hate either one of these.  The first I would hate the most as I wouldn't even get the pleasure of an orgasm.  I am guessing it's also the way I would be ramped up the soonest afterward.  

Having zero control over how Mistress would drain me is the only reason I find this concept so hot.  Knowing that my orgasm would suck would be such a mind fuck.  

I also believe that either option would necessitate the use of a chastity device for a few days afterward.  I don't think I could resist the desire for a real orgasm until my libido got built back up.  In addition to removing the desire to cheat, it would also make me hornier faster.

Here are some videos of ruined and tortured orgasms.

Maitresse Madeline Compilation

https://xhamster.com/movies/7376911/handjob_ruination.html

The best one ever

https://xhamster.com/movies/2775417/amber_rayne_femdom_handjob_ruined_orgasm.html

https://hcbdsm.com/video/ruined-orgasm-with-post-orgasm-torture-6881.html

http://www.xtube.com/video-watch/Absboi-intense-edging-and-cum-explosion-27289371

https://xhamster.com/movies/2737244/milked_from_behind.html

https://xhamster.com/movies/2644448/heavy_tied_in_plastic_to_post_orgasm_hj.html

https://hcbdsm.com/video/post-orgasm-torture-8712.html

https://xhamster.com/movies/6710740/5_orgasms_from_handjob_post_orgasm_torture.html

https://xhamster.com/movies/2635591/heavy_tied_9_mn_post_orgasm_handjob.html

https://xhamster.com/movies/3390799/handjob_on_tied_guy_with_post_orgasm_torture.html

Soaked

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Butt Plug Thoughts

I have been sitting on this for over 45 minutes when I started this post.

I still have an hour and 15 minutes to go.  In addition to this I am in my heels, dress and panties.  My mind is a horny mess as well.  Normally when I put the plug in, I am on my knees with my chest resting on the edge of the tub.  Comfort is my only goal.  This morning was different.  I lubed the plug and my tight hole with one of my legs up on the edge of the tub.  With my 6" heels I felt so slutty raising my leg like that.  I soon realized that I was tighter this way and needed to change positions if I was ever going to get this in my ass.  I almost went down on my knees but I wanted to try something different.  I bent over at the waist and locked my knees.  I slowly pressed the plug up against my hole and I pushed in a millimeter at a time, and pulled back out going back and forth.  I looked down and saw my legs in heels and my dress hiked up above my cock.  I felt so submissive and slutty taking it up the ass this way.  I imagined Mistress behind me pushing the plug in.  When I got to the widest point of the plug, I took a deep breath and pushed it in all the way.  I got flush from the strain.  I was now plugged and would remain so for at least 2 hours.  I was in subspace.

I am not plugged often, but when I am I can't avoid having super submissive feelings.  There are few things that remind me of just how desperate I can be in my need to be treated poorly.  In fact I am clenching my ass, trying to take the plug in deeper.  Sitting is easy, almost erotic.  Walking around is a challenge.  The constant stimulation of movement triggers the colon to want to expel it.  Keeping it in becomes a task. The worse part of wearing the plug is removing it.  The emptiness, the lack of stimulation on my prostate is a big let down. When the plug comes out, I will feel it for hours.  I will miss it.

Writing this post has me thinking about a couple of the more devious ideas I have read about.

• An hour in and an hour out.  All day.  Making the sub insert and remove the plug is more torturous than wearing the plug for an extended time.  The removals leave that empty hollow feeling, and the insertions irritate the hole in just the right way.  It's like a super slow ass fucking.
• Wearing one to bed.  I have never done this, but have read it can cause some interesting dreams.   Not sure how easy sleep would be, but I certainly would have sex on the brain.

Wearing this plug also has me thinking about things Mistress and I have done.  Of course a strap on dildo.  I love the helplessness of taking it in the ass.  Also a TENS controlled butt plug.  Having electricity pulse my ass and make it contract against my wishes.  That's a real mind fuck.

In closing, I am loving the things Mistress is making me do.  Dressing in feminine clothes.  Locking my collar around my neck.  Making me plug my ass.  I yearn to do more, to suffer more.  Thank you Mistress.

           

'Working' from home

My last orgasm was on January 13th.  After today it will be 60 days.  My all time record is around 75 days.  If I don't have an orgasm the rest of the month, I will easily set a new record and I want Mistress to be the record holder, not my ex.  Even after setting a new record, I am pretty OK with the idea of not being allowed to cum.  However at the same time, I think that forgetting how good an orgasm feels makes the denial easier.  There is something about having an orgasm that makes me want one more.

This morning Mistress got up before I did.  In my current state of mind, I decided to edge myself before getting out of bed.  It was very easy to bring myself to the edge and I had some thoughts running through my mind.  Mistress has started working from home exclusively.  When she went to an office every day, I had the ability to edge myself while she was at work.  I also was able to dress or not dress as I chose.  I could also occasionally do a little self bondage.  Now that she works from home, I have less freedom, which is exactly what I want.  So my edging this morning had me thinking of ways that Mistress could mess with me.

I thought of every cliched sexual harassment story you've ever heard, but with me as he one being harassed.  Being made to get her coffee, or a drink or some other task just so she can ogle me or feel me up.

That made me think of the secretary movie and how bondage and spankings made their way into the office.

That made me fantasize about having to wear restraints on my ankles and wrists on the days I work from home.  Making it easy for Mistress to restrain me at my desk or on our bed for an occasionally "break" during our day. 

  

Having Mistress set out my attire for the day.

Or even better.  Having to service Mistress and or suck her strap on like the slutty office secretary.  I imagine having to give Mistress an orgasm every hour during our work day.

Or having to work in my cage for the day at Mistress feet.

Or having Mistress control my butt plug during the day.

I managed to edge myself about a dozen times while I thought about all of the nasty ways Mistress could use me.  I finally stopped when I almost leaked a bit of pre-cum.  I didn't want to have to lick up cum first thing in the morning.  I got dressed up in my 2nd shortest skirt with heels and a blouse.  I am in such a mood.   

In closing, Mistress now has the ability to really keep me under her thumb in so many ways.  

The power of scent

One of the biggest surprises I have had in recent years is understanding the power of a scent.  I knew that smells can bring back memories of a long time ago.  Every time I smell leaves in the fall, I am immediately reminded of walking home from school back in junior high over 30 years ago.  Fresh cut cedar takes me back to my first job also 30+ years ago.

That brings me to current time.  Mistress bought me some perfume before Christmas so that I could add it to my daily feminization.  Out of all the feminine things I do, wearing perfume has the strongest, most immediate impact on me.  I can have pretty much zero femme thoughts when I wake up, but one spray of perfume on my chest and my brain goes into feminine overdrive.  It makes me WANT to be more and more feminine.  It pretty much removes any desire I have of resisting feminization.  When I pick out my feminine clothes for the day, the perfume makes me want to choose sexier, sluttier or classier clothes.  No jeans and t-shirts, but skirts, dresses and uncomfortable high heels become my choice of attire.

I had been planning on writing this post for some time, but what triggered it today is a post and caption I saw online.

It wouldn’t take many nights like this, only being allowed to cum or even touch himself without the smell of her filling his nose, before the scent of her would become pleasure.

I often fantasize about Mistress doing this to me.  I love the idea of the panties being worn by her all day ending up on my face any time my cock received attention.  I love the idea of training my brain to make her worn panties an aphrodisiac.  To train me in such a way that I can't get off without her scent.  Some duct tape to keep me from breathing through my mouth and some worn panties or pantyhose stretched over my nostrils.  I would be in submissive heaven.

Or even worse, my own worn or cum stained panties or pantyhose.

Just thinking of being tied down, blindfolded, teased, denied, and tortured.  Having Mistress' scent fill my nostrils and my brain.  Just thinking of it makes my cock hard.

Writing this I am reminded of a blog where a Mistress used her dirty socks in this manner.  Even more devious, she made her slave get turned on whenever she took off her shoes.  http://wedlocked-femdom.com/2014/11/22/training-the-slave-to-become-aroused-by-a-smell/

In closing, scent is very powerful.  Much more powerful than I ever imagined it could be.  I am starting to fantasize about all the ways we can use different scents in a D/s way.  From adding perfume to my nightime routine or adding a pair of worn panties to my nostrils next time I am locked in the dog cage.  The idea of having shoes taped to my face or being forced to smell Mistress' socks to condition me, it's all very erotic to me.

    

Getting back to 'normal'

It's been nearly a month since I wore anything feminine.  Last night at bedtime, Mistress made me go put on a nighty.  Apparently I needed a little push as I hadn't done it on my own.  She also told me I had to start wearing my perfume today as well as items under my work clothes.  I managed to sleep in my new chastity device last night, which woke me up with a few hardons.  When I woke up this morning, I put on my perfume.  It was powerful to say the least as I instantly decided to dress fully this morning even though it wasn't yet required.  Not only that, but I went all out.  I am in a black bra, black see through blouse, black skirt and my 6 inch black pumps with ankle straps.  The perfume goes straight to my brain and affects me in some very powerful way.  While I enjoyed the comfort of my male clothes I have to admit, I like the femininity as well as the challenge of wearing heels and other less comfortable clothes.  It fucks with my mind in all the right ways.

As we were falling asleep last night, Mistress teased my locked up cock and told me not to worry, we would be having normal sex again soon.  I asked what that meant and she told me we would be having sex that gave her orgasms, implying that I won't be cumming any time soon.  I really can't blame her.  When I cum I lose the desire and lust that makes me a slutty submissive.  I become a bit belligerent and harder to deal with.  By keeping me from having an orgasm she keeps me in the right frame of mind.  By us having frequent sex and making my focus about her pleasure, we both win.  It's been 46 days since my last orgasm of which 17 days were due to circumstances beyond our control.  In case anyone is feeling sorry for me, at this point last year I only had 2 orgasms.  I've already had 3 this year.

Mistress tweaked one of our protocols the other day.  In the past, I would get up and get her coffee prepared by getting the machine all set up so that all she had to do was hit the button when she got up.  I was able to keep working at my desk.  Now when she gets up, I have to prepare the coffee and serve it to her on the sofa.  Yesterday it was no big deal, but I just heard her get up.  I realized that I won't get to hide my feminine outfit behind my desk.  I will soon have to get up and work in the kitchen and serve her.  Just like a desperate feminized slut should be doing.

I like the extra protocol and am yearning for Mistress to clamp down on me and to make my life a bit more difficult.  To make sure I am doing all that is required of me and to hold me accountable, makes me feel owned and safe.

         

Back From A Hiatus

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Mindfuck

mindfuck - mind·fuck: noun
An experience that causes intense and usually disturbing emotion, such as shock, confusion, or fear.

Lately I have been thinking about the mental aspect of what we do.  While a lot of what we do is physical, the brain is where the real action happens.

I have been spending a lot of time recently thinking of all the ways the mind is affected by the activities we participate in.  I believe the definition above can be expanded.  It doesn't have to be "intense" as you can have different degrees of it.  It can also include embarrassment and humiliation.  Here are some of the things I consider to be mindfuck material.

• Dressing up in feminine clothes.  Even though I am getting somewhat used to it, having to pick out an outfit everyday and then wear it for hours at a time definitely messes with my mind.  Thinking about how society in general would react to what I am doing is where my mind spends most of the time thinking about it.  Being dressed in front of Mistress ramps up the mindfuck aspect.

• Wearing perfume.  This has had a much greater effect on me than I expected.  Many mornings I am barely in a mood to be feminine, and within seconds of putting on my perfume, my mind switches.  The smell hits something in my brain and I instantly want to be more feminine.

• Nail polish.  Seeing my toenails painted is just a constant reminder of my place.  Wearing clear polish on my nails is more of a mindfuck as I am afraid someone will notice.  I am also amazed that I can feel the polish.  So it's not only visual, I can feel it too.  I am very aware of my hands when I am talking to others. 

• Chastity.  Having my cock locked is certainly a mindfuck, but it doesn't meet the definition above.  There is no shock, confusion, fear or embarrassment.  I'm not sure what the definition would be in a word or two.  Not being able to access one of the most pleasurable parts on my body and to give that access to another person is a huge mindfuck.  Going about my day to day and having to endure with no end in sight is very much a mindfuck.

• The cage.  Being a grown man, reduced to being locked in a cage is unreal.  The helplessness and boredom are mentally draining. There is simply no denying that I have become a desperate slave to my Mistress.  I realize I am willing to do anything to feel under her control.

• Electricity.  Whether it's the shocking dog collar, the Tazapper, or the TENS unit, I am scared of electricity.  It is easily my biggest fear.  When I watch videos of people playing with cattle prods, I get nervously aroused.  The arousal is from the amount of control being lost, but the fear is very real due to the electricity part of it.  It triggers a fight or flight response in me.

• Public Play.  If electricity is my biggest fear, playing in public is my next biggest fear.  I used to be terrible.  When younger I would go with my ex to a sex shop to buy something D/s related.   I was pretty much in a fight or flight response the entire time.  I was always worried what someone would think of me.  Even going to fetish events, I am sooo out of my comfort zone.  Now to be fair, I spend a good deal of time fantasizing about being dressed in public.  THe thought of being forced to walk across a parking lot, going through a drive through or pumping gas while dressed as a woman is a huge turn on.  In reality I would be so freaked out I don't know how I would respond.  Yes, this is a huge mindfuck.

• Pain.  Taking pain in all of it's many forms is certainly a mindfuck.  Having a safeword and choosing not to use it is on form.  I still think of using my safeword and having it ignored for a period of time.

• Orgasm denial.  When Mistress uses me just for her pleasure has to be one of my favorte mind fucks.  My body and brain thinks I am going to get to cum, and when she tells me she is done with me and I haven't cum, my mind and body revolt a bit.  When Mistress has me tied down and edges me over and over I am overwhelmed with desire.  

• Ruined orgasms.  Even more effective with orgasm denial.  When I'm finally allowed to cum, but Mistress stops just when the ejaculation starts, but the orgasm never quite gets there.  It's maddening.  The plus side is I keep me from having post orgasm drop.

• Mistress talking about including others in our play.  I much prefer the thought of a woman, but when Mistress talks about including a man (with her or me), it truly messes with my mind.  

• Sensory deprivation.  Being blindfolded makes the other senses increase to compensate.  Add the fear factor of not knowing what is going on and you have a good minsfuck to work with.  Add some earphones with white noise and you have taken away another sense.  Being tied up and not only helpless, but blind to what will happen really raises the stakes.

• Cum eating.  It doesn't matter how it's done.  When I have to eat my own cum I really have to dig deep and overcome the disgust I feel for it.  It is a mindfuck every time Mistress makes me do it.  That being said, I constantly dream up ways to make it more disgusting for me.  I'm a bit sick in the head.

• Breath Play.  This is a true mindfuck even if you like it because the brain is directly affected by lack of oxygen.  If breath play is taken far enough, your natural instincts kick in and you will react whether you want to or not.  I like all forms of breath play, but I like a plastic bag over the head the most.  Dragging out the feeling over a longer period of time is so hot to me.  Having the fight or flight response kick in is a huge turn on.

• My favorite mindfuck?  Predicament bondage.  Having to decide between to different painful or difficult situations is pure and total mental abuse.  You have to decide your own fate.  Time is your enemy.  Here are just a few examples.

In closing, while I like the physical aspects of bondage, the real effect is what happens in my submissive little brain.  

Normalizing

Over the years (since I was a kid) I have dabbled with dressing in articles of women's clothing.  Often times I would go several months without wearing anything.  Very rarely would I ever wear something more than a couple times a month.  This excludes panties, which I have at time worn them most every day.  Panties, while feminine, are essentially the same basic design as men's underwear.  Wearing panties can easily be forgotten and ignored.  Over the last 20 years I have acquired a fuller wardrobe, but until recently that didn't mean much.  I still had the same reservations about dressing feminine and would only occasionally dress up and when I did I sexualized it.

Over the last few months, I have been dressed feminine almost every day.  With Mistress pushing my limits I find I am more and more used to being dressed.  I find myself thinking of outfits to wear.  I work hard on trying to dress in a way that a woman would in real life vs a slutty character. I have really enjoyed the smell of the perfume Mistress bought for me.  I look forward to putting on uncomfortable shoes.

Yesterday Mistress and I went out of town for the night.  I asked her to pick out my nighty for the trip.  She told me that she wasn't going to make me wear one and that I could also skip panties.  I was a little disappointed and told her she was too nice sometimes.  She mentioned that by doing this I would be reminded what it's like to not be dressed and being dressed again would have a bigger effect.

When we got home today I wanted to dress right away, but had some work to catch up on.  The second I got a break I went upstairs and dressed in a skirt she mentioned she liked.  I added panites, a blouse and heels.  I was happy to be dressed again.

Even though I am getting used to it, and in some cases yearning for it, I don't see me doing this to myself if Mistress and I weren't together any longer.  It's very much a part of our D/s lifestyle.  I do it because she wants me to and I like not having control over the situation.  It's like chastity.  I have a few devices, but I would very rarely (if ever) wear one of I wasn't required to.

All that being said, I do like being dressed and even locked up, but only because of my amazing Mistress.  I am still amazed that the meaner she is to me, the more devoted I become.